kkktookmybabyaway

5:30 p.m. • This entry is dedicated to SFAJack, who is dealing with a hurricane named Ike. Didn't George W. Bush get the memo that you voted for him? If so, I'm sure he would have steered this path of destruction toward a bluer part of the state. You've commented on the subject of your "welcomed guests to Houston" before, so I thought you might like this. 6 p.m. • To keep up with the "SFA Jack/Texas/Underclass" theme, here's a blast from the past from Mr. Jack's state that I'm sure makes him proud. Don't forget the remix/radio version/whatever the hell this is supposed to be. I'm still trying to figure out why this song is called "Bald Head Gals" when the chorus contains the more explicit word. Oh well, at least the part with the horse got a chuckle out of me. Finally, to complete today's Willie Dee trifecta, this one (0:30) goes out to Whoppi Goldberg, who, if McCain gets elected, will be first to go up on the slave auctioning block. You know, I remember back in '04 Cameron Diaz said that if you think rape should be legal then don't vote. Slaves, rape: when is all of the good stuff really going to happen? Keep your tax cuts, just let me stick my weiner in Diaz's mouth. No, I don't want a blow job; I'm just tired of hearing her voice. 6:15 p.m. • OK, this is why I love rap. If you listened to the third song in the Willie Dee collection above you would have noticed there was a female saying she had a pussy the size of Bolivia. Well, Willie Dee's "Controversy" album was released in 1989. Just three years later, Willie D (guess the "ee" fared poorly in the focus groups), released the following... And WTF? The high price is more than $100. Oh, and here is the song that Choice did which caused Mr. D's scorn.

You didn't. Nevermind my PM.

7 p.m. • So this week I finally said goodbye to an old friend from my college days. And good fucking riddance. For those that experienced the ol’ university system, or for those that are currently going through this ordeal, you undoubtedly had a buddy or two that would freeload off of you and your other pals. Well I finally said “No, Mooch” to my very own version. Every month or so this bastard would pop up and ask for some money. Sure giving him some cash every now and then didn’t break my budget, but Jesus Christ – get a job! Who was this friend? My school loan. After paying off the better half’s credit card debt we spent the next year or so building up a decent rainy day fund. The next step was to put away enough money to pay off the car and my school loan. At the time there were about six payments left on the car, and by the time the final payment would be made there would also be enough cash saved up to pay off the school loan. Of course, the car was ONE PAYMENT away from being paid off when all hell broke loose (another entry for another time), so a car payment is back on the slate. However, I was hell-bent on getting rid of this goddamn school loan by the end of this year. I guess it makes matters worse considering I loathe my alma mater. I went to a community college for two years post-high school while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. After two years I took my credits and transferred to a local school that I thought would provide a good education. Boy was I wrong. After about a year I realized what a terrible decision I made. Now was time to make a choice: Stick it out for another year-and-a-half or transfer to some other cesspool and spend even more money getting a piece of paper that’s tucked away somewhere in my house, either in a storage closet or the fruit cellar. (Yeah, I keep a bunch of queers in my basement.) Once I graduated it was time to make those monthly payments. I never paid them any mind; I simply made the monthly payment. After I while when my degree was proving worthless in my search for gainful employment I began to get pissed at having to pay $109.47 each month to a place that I loathed to attend. Not any more. Thanks to a one-time $5,100 payment. Now I won’t have to see that monthly bill any more, reminding me of those two-and-a-half years of shit I went through. Boo-hoo. (Those nights leaving the Quickie-Mart at 2 a.m. only to get on a bus five hours later to attend an 8 a.m. class were especially fun.) But now the only reminders I have of that shit hole of an institution are when they send me alumni updates asking me for more money. I’m still waiting for the day when some poor student calls me during an alumni donation drive.

It was one word.

8:30 p.m. • Here's something really sad to learn about me. When I first heard this song, I thought for quite some time that Compton was in Michigan. (0:25) Actually, that's not the half of it. I almost failed 8th grade. In order to pass that year I had to take two summer school classes at my school plus a mail-order class. But hey, at least I was able to beat Ghouls 'n Ghosts on the Sega Genesis that year. • As much as I'm trying to keep this from being All-Palidin All-The-Time, this is getting silly. • There is justice in this world. Long story short: The much-talked-about welfare brood with the two test-tube kids was trying to add a third beaker into the bunch. Sadly, the turkey basting didn't take and now the matriarch of this bunch called the better half last night for some solace. This is funny to me, considering when Mrs. kkk suffered a miscarriage, this welfare queen said, among other things, "Well you can have one of mine; they're driving me CrAzY~!" But the "justice" isn't with a family that can't take care of themselves failing at adding another mouth to feed. The justice is that during this conversation Mrs. kkk learned that the State is no longer paying for their kids' health care? Why is that? Because the toothless Mexican can get health insurance through his job as a janitor. OH NOES! Having to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!

MikeS... Err, nevermind.

As you probably noticed, I'm getting a little help this year. Several of the mods will be filling in the matchups in this post throughout the week. This is because I won't be able to do so due to work and home responsibilities. Much thanks for the help, because if it wasn’t for that there wouldn’t be a kkk Bowl. (I still enter in PM'd picks and the weekly standings.) Chicago at Carolina (3.5) Tennessee at Cincinnati (1.5) (3.5) Green Bay at Detroit Buffalo at Jacksonville (5.5) Oakland at Kansas City (3.5) (2.5) Indianapolis at Minnesota (8.5) N.Y. Giants at St. Louis New Orleans at Washington (0.5) San Francisco at Seattle (7.5) Atlanta at Tampa Bay (7.5) Miami at Arizona (6.5) (1.5) San Diego at Denver Baltimore at Houston (4.5) New England at N.Y. Jets (1.5) (6.5) Pittsburgh at Cleveland Philadelphia at Dallas (6.5) Chicago Bears (Tzar Lysergic 2-0) d Carolina Panthers (Fazzle 1-1) 9-6 CHI: CHI/CIN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/DAL/27 CAR: CAR/CIN/GB/BUF/KC/MIN/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/PHI/22 DIFF: CHI/CAR, OAK/KC, IND/MIN, SEA/SF, TB/ATL, NE/NYJ, DAL/PHI, 27/22 Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 1-1) d by Cincinnati Bengals (Teke 1-1) 8-8 TEN: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/WAS/SEA/ATL/AZ/DEN/NE/PIT/DAL/17(-24=7) CIN: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/MIA/SD/NE/PIT/DAL/13(-7=6) DIFF: CAR/CHI, JAX/BUF, WAS/NO, SEA/SF, AZ/MIA, DEN/SD, 17/13 Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X 1-1) d Detroit Lions (Chazz 0-2) 10-8 GB: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/MIA/DEN/NYJ/PIT/PHI/24 DET: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/DEN/NYJ/PIT/PHI/17 DIFF: CHI/CAR, BUF/JAX, OAK/KC, SF/SEA, ATL/TB, MIA/AZ, 24/17 Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 0-2) d by Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off 1-1) 4-7 BUF: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/MIN/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/DAL/17 JAX: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/PHI/17 DIFF: MIN/IND, ATL/TB, DAL/PHI Oakland Raiders (Smues 0-2) d by Kansas City Chiefs (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 1-1) 7-8 OAK: CHI/CIN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/STL/WAS/SEA/ATL/MIA/SD/NE/PIT/DAL/19 KC: CAR/CIN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/DEN/NE/CLE/DAL/10 DIFF: CHI/CAR, OAK/KC, STL/NYG, WAS/NO, MIA/AZ, SD/DEN, PIT/CLE Indianapolis Colts (Alfdogg 0-2) d by Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 2-0) 7-8 IND: CHI/CIN/DET/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/WAS/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/CLE/DAL/20 MIN: CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/MIA/SD/NYJ/CLE/PHI/20 DIFF: DET/GB, KC/OAK/, WAS/NO, SEA/SF, TB/ATL, AZ/MIA, DAL/PHI, 20/20 N.Y. Giants (Cartman 1-1) d by St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist 1-1) 9-11 NYG: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/OAK/MIN/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/DEN/NE/PIT/DAL/30 STL: CAR/TEN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/WAS/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/PHI/9 DIFF: CHI/CAR, MIN/IND, NO/WAS, ATL/TB, DEN/SD, DAL/PHI, 30/9 New Orleans Saints (Brooklyn Zoo 0-2) d by Washington Redskins (Human Fly 1-1) 7-12 NO: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SF/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/DAL/24 WAS: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SF/TB/AZ/DEN/NYJ/PIT/PHI/17 DIFF: CAR/CHI, JAX/BUF, KC/OAK, SD/DEN, DAL/PHI San Francisco 49ers (Devo 1-1) d by Seattle Seahawks (UZI Suicide 2-0) 7-9 SF: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/MIA/DEN/NYJ/PIT/DAL/17 SEA: CAR/CIN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/DEN/NE/PIT/DAL/27 DIFF: TEN/CIN, JAX/BUF, MIA/AZ, NYJ/NE, 17/27 Atlanta Falcons (USC 2-0) d Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Agent Bond 1-1) 11-6 ATL: CAR/TEN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/MIA/DEN/NE/CLE/PHI/17 TB: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/DAL/19 DIFF: BUF/JAX, OAK/KC, SF/SEA, ATL/TB, MIA/AZ, DEN/SD, NE/NYJ, CLE/PIT, PHI/DAL Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff 0-2) d by Arizona Cardinals (Verne Gagne 1-1) 10-12 MIA: CHI/CIN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SF/ATL/AZ/DEN/NE/PIT/PHI/20 AZ: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SF/TB/AZ/DEN/NE/CLE/DAL/24 DIFF: CIN/TEN, ATL/TB, PIT/CLE, PHI/DAL, 20/24 San Diego Chargers (909 0-2) d by Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris 2-0) 6-8 SD: CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/OAK/MIN/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/DAL/24 DEN: CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/OAK/MIN/NYG/NO/SEA/TB/AZ/DEN/NE/PIT/DAL/27 DIFF: SD/DEN, NYJ/NE, 24/27 Baltimore Ravens (KingPK 1-0) at Houston Texans (Bored 0-1) BAL: CAR/CIN/GB/BUF/OAK/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/DEN/BAL/NE/PIT/DAL/28 HOU: CHI/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/WAS/SEA/TB/AZ/DEN/BAL/NE/PIT/DAL/20 DIFF: CAR/CHI, CIN/TEN, BUF/JAX, OAK/KC, NO/WAS, ATL/TB, 28/20 New England Patriots (Harley Quinn 2-0) d N.Y. Jets (Gert 1-1) 9-6 NE: CHI/TEN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/MIA/DEN/NE/PIT/PHI/27 NYJ: CAR/CIN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/WAS/SEA/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/PIT/DAL/EP DIFF: CHI/CAR, TEN/CIN, BUF/JAX, NO/WAS, ATL/TB, MIA/AZ, DEN/SD, NE/NYJ, PHI/DAL Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus 1-1) d by Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack 1-1) 8-8 PIT: CAR/TEN/GB/JAX/KC/IND/NYG/NO/SF/TB/AZ/SD/NYJ/CLE/DAL/24(-10=14) CLE: CAR/TEN/GB/BUF/KC/MIN/NYG/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/DEN/NYJ/CLE/PHI/17(-6=11) DIFF: JAX/BUF, IND/MIN, SF/SEA, TB/ATL, SD/DEN, DAL/PHI, 24/17 Philadelphia Eagles (Starvenger 2-0) d Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 1-1) 6-5 PHI: CAR/CIN/GB/BUF/KC/IND/STL/NO/SEA/ATL/AZ/SD/NE/CLE/DAL/14 DAL: CAR/CIN/GB/JAX/OAK/MIN/NYG/WAS/SEA/ATL/MIA/DEN/NYJ/PIT/DAL/24 DIFF: BUF/JAX, KC/OAK, IND/MIN, STL/NYG, NO/WAS, AZ/MIA, SD/DEN, NE/NYJ, CLE/PIT

AFC EAST New York Jets (Gert T) 1-0 < PF: 11, PA: 8, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > New England Patriots (Harley Quinn) 1-0 < PF: 11, PA: 8, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 0-1 < PF: 9, PA: 9, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 0-1 < PF: 8, PA: 11, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > AFC NORTH Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 1-0 < PF: 10, PA: 9, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 1-0 < PF: 9, PA: 8, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 0-1 < PF: 9, PA: 11, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 0-1 < PF: 9, PA: 10, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 1-0 < PF: 11, PA: 10, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 0-1 < PF: 10, PA: 11, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Alfdogg) 0-1 < PF: 9, PA: 10, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Houston Texans (Bored) 0-1 < PF: 8, PA: 9, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > AFC WEST Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 1-0 < PF: 9, PA: 4, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Kansas City Chiefs (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 0-1 < PF: 8, PA: 11, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > San Diego Chargers (909) 0-1 < PF: 8, PA: 8, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 0-1 < PF: 4, PA: 9, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk) 1-0 < PF: 11, PA: 9, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Philadelphia Eagles (Starvenger) 1-0 < PF: 8, PA: 7, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > New York Giants (Cartman) 1-0 < PF: 7, PA: 6, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 0-1 < PF: 6, PA: 7, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC NORTH Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 1-0 < PF: 10, PA: 9, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 1-0 < PF: 8, PA: 6, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Detroit Lions (Chazz) 0-1 < PF: 7, PA: 10, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 0-1 < PF: 6, PA: 8, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (USC) 1-0 < PF: 10, PA: 7, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Agent Bond) 1-0 < PF: 9, PA: 7, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 1-0 < PF: 8, PA: 8, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 0-1 < PF: 7, PA: 9, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC WEST Seattle Seahawks (UZI Suicide) 1-0 < PF: 9, PA: 9, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > San Francisco 49ers (devo) 1-0 < PF: 8, PA: 6, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 0-1 < PF: 7, PA: 8, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 0-1 < PF: 6, PA: 8, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 >

8 p.m. • Yeah, who needs preseason. All the good players will just get hurt anyway. (Just heard on NBC's recap show this injury is serious.) • You know what I hate most about this commercial? These people go to some yuppie place for dinner and they eat MACARONI AND CHEESE? I bet the bacon is what makes this dish decadent! If I had to dress up for some tasting, it better be for some form of surf 'n turf.

8:30 a.m. • Public service announcement. If you posted at the Other Place and wondered why you can't access the site, wonder no more. It died (again). For those keeping score at home, Frigid Soul had nothing to do with this one. Here's the new address. 9 a.m. • Fuck blaming the cats for this fire. You don't light candles and leave in a house with pets. The closest the kkk household has come to this sort of thing was when Dessa, as a kitten, knocked over a glass of water the better half had on the night stand. When she went to get the glass she got shocked by a power outlet. Then there was the time that Dessa, still a kitten, knocked out my plugged-in clock radio the night before my first day of work at a job. That's when I learned to invest in a battery-powered clock. Of course, years later I was late for work one day when the battery died. That's when we started regulating the kids' feedings. Now no matter what if Dessa, JJ and Max aren't fed by 5:30 a.m. one of us will be woken up. If getting into Mrs. kkk's face loudly meowing doesn't do the trick then the better half hitting me and saying, "go feed your cats" will.

7 p.m. • Can you believe what the head of the print division of Medium-Large Media said about McCain's VP selection of Palin? Wait a second, the Slimes Editorial Board was talking about Geraldine Ferraro -- a three-term congresswoman at the time of her VP nod. Nevermind.

Deadline for the Thursday game has come and gone. For those that haven't sent in picks, I do not use EPs for non-Sunday games, so if your opponent gets this game right they will be up 1 on you. Also, if you opponent PMs me his picks and both of yours and his picks are posted you cannot change any selections.

7 p.m. • So did you all know that the GOP Vice President candidate has a 17-year-old kid who is knocked up? In another startling development, John Kerry served in Vietnam. You know what, I don’t care if this chick is a Jesus freak. I’ve heard some of the stuff she’s said regarding God and all that shit, but you know what? I don’t care. I learned years ago that many of the people I vote for are in with the Bible-thumper crowd. But you know what? I don’t care. I’ve accepted that fact. Shit, Rick Santorum was my n*gga but I know if we ever had a conversation about theology for more than 5 minutes Rick would either damn my soul to hell or start a group prayer for my well-being. Smues, I’m sure you can tell a bunch of stories about Palin regarding stuff I don’t want to hear, but when you’ve had this asshole as your governor for six years… …even the Community Organizer will start to look appealing. Wait, check that. I can’t let that go. Fuck, I’d rather have Fast Eddie as my political figure than Osama. Now that’s saying something. 8 p.m. • So what's our exit strategy for pulling out of Chicago? Oh, yeah. The exit strategy for urban flight is getting a job and then a UHaul.

How’s that?

All PM'd picks will be posted Thursday afternoon before tonight's kickoff.

I haven't seen the last few seasons, but I will at some point. Will this be the "final" season, or will it be "split up" into two parts, if you know what I mean.

Here we go. For the n00bs, remember to include the predicted score of how many points you think the team you represent will score this week. This is for tie-breaker reasons. Also, these games include point spreads. Also, you may either submit your picks in this thread or PM them to me. I don't care what you do, but remember this: If you post them in public, your opponent has the opportunity to base his picks off yours. Is this cheating? Possibly. Is this lame? Yes. Do I care? No. That's why you have the option to PM picks to me, and once I receive them I will PM you back. Here is where I get my spreads from. Don't forget the Thursday night game. Washington at N.Y. Giants (3.5) (3.5) Detroit at Atlanta (1.5) Cincinnati at Baltimore (1.5) Seattle at Buffalo (3.5) N.Y. Jets at Miami Kansas City at New England (16.5) Tampa Bay at New Orleans (3.5) St. Louis at Philadelphia (7.5) Houston at Pittsburgh (6.5) (3.5) Jacksonville at Tennessee (4.5) Dallas at Cleveland Carolina at San Diego (9.5) (2.5) Arizona at San Francisco Chicago at Indianapolis (9.5) Minnesota at Green Bay (2.5) (3.5) Denver at Oakland Week 1 (Results do not include MNF games) Washington Redskins (Human Fly 0-1) d by N.Y. Giants (Cartman 1-0) 6-7 WAS: NYG/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/MIN/OAK/20 NYG: WAS/DET/CIN/BUF/MIA/KC/NO/PHI/PIT/TEN/DAL/SD/SF/IND/MIN/OAK/20 DIFF: NYG/WAS, SEA/BUF, NYJ/MIA, NE/KC, HOU/PIT, JAX/TEN, AZ/SF Detroit Lions (Chazz 0-1) d by Atlanta Falcons (USC# 1-0) 7-10 DET: WAS/DET/CIN/SEA/MIA/KC/TB/STL/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/CHI/MIN/DEN/24 ATL: NYG/ATL/CIN/SEA/NYJ/NE/TB/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/CHI/GB/OAK/20 DIFF: WAS/NYG, DET/ATL, MIA/NYJ, KC/NE, STL/PHI, MIN/GB, DEN/OAK Cincinnati Bengals (Teke 0-1) d by Baltimore Ravens (KingPK 1-0) 9-10 CIN: NYG/DET/BAL/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/SDG/AZ/IND/MIN/DEN/17 BAL: WAS/ATL/BAL/BUF/NYJ/NE/TB/PHI/PIT/TEN/DAL/SDG/AZ/IND/GB/OAK/18 DIFF: NYG/WAS, DET/ATL, NO/TB, HOU/PIT, JAX/TEN, MIN/GB, DEN/OAK Seattle Seahawks (UZI Suicide 1-0) d Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 0-1) 9-9 via TB UZI 24(-10)=14; Buffalo 17(-34)=17 SEA: XX/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/GB/OAK/24 BUF: NYG/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/TEN/DAL/SD/SF/IND/MIN/DEN/17 DIFF: XX/NYG, CIN/BAL, BUF/SEA, JAX/TEN, CAR/SD, AZ/SF, GB/MIN/OAK/DEN, 24/17 N.Y. Jets (Gert T 1-0) d Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff 0-1) 11-8 NYJ: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/20 MIA: NYG/ATL/CIN/SEA/MIA/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/SF/IND/GB/DEN/26 DIFF: DET/ATL, BUF/SEA, NYJ/MIA, CAR/SD, AZ/SF Kansas City Chiefs (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 0-1) d by New England Patriots (Harley Quinn 1-0) 8-11 KC: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/MIA/KC/TB/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/GB/OAK/10 NE: WAS/ATL/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/TB/PHI/PIT/TEN/DAL/CAR/AZ/CHI/MIN/DEN/38 DIFF: NYG/WAS, DET/ATL, MIA/NYJ, KC/NE, HOU/PIT, JAX/TEN, IND/CHI, GB/MIN, OAK/DEN Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Agent Bond34 1-0) d New Orleans Saints (Brooklyn Zoo 0-1) 9-7 TB: NYG/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/SF/IND/GB/DEN/21 NO: XXX/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/STL/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/SF/IND/GB/OAK/27 DIFF: NYG/XX, BAL/CIN, SEA/BUF, PHI/STL, SD/CAR, DEN/OAK, 21/27 St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist 0-1) d by Philadelphia Eagles (Starvenger 1-0) 7-8 STL: WAS/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/CLE/SD/AZ/CHI/GB/OAK/18 PHI: NYG/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/20 DIFF: WAS/NYG, BAL/CIN, CLE/DAL, CHI/IND, OAK/DEN Houston Texans (Bored 0-1) d by Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus 1-0) 8-9 HOU: WAS/DET/CIN/BUF/MIA/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/17 PIT: WAS/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/31 DIFF: MIA/NYJ Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off 0-1) d by Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 1-0) 10-11 JAX: NYG/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/24 TEN: NYG/DET/BAL/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/STL/PIT/TEN/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/GB/DEN/17 DIFF: CIN/BAL, SEA/BUF, PHI/STL, JAX/TEN, CAR/SD Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34 1-0) d Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack 0-1) 11-9 DAL: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/KC/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/SF/IND/GB/DEN/41 CLE: WAS/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/STL/HOU/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/CHI/GB/DEN/20 DIFF: NYG/WAS, CIN/BAL, BUF/SEA, KC/NE, PHI/STL, PIT/HOU, SF/AZ, IND/CHI, 41/20 Carolina Panthers (Fazzle 1-0) d San Diego Chargers (909 0-1) 8-8 via TB Fazzle 16(-26)=10; 909 8(-28)=20 CAR: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/STL/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/MIN/DEN/16 SD: NYG/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/IND/MIN/OAK/28 DIFF: CIN/BAL, BUF/SEA, STL/PHI, DEN/OAK, 16/28 Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne 0-1) at San Francisco 49ers (Devo 1-0) 6-8 AZ: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/KC/NO/STL/HOU/JAX/DAL/SD/SF/IND/MIN/OAK/26 SF: NYG/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/SD/SF/IND/GB/DEN/17 DIFF: CIN/BAL, BUF/SEA, KC/NE, STL/PHI, MIN/GB, OAK/DEN, 26/17 Chicago Bears (Tzar Lysergic 1-0) d Indianapolis Colts (Alfdogg 0-1) 10-9 CHI: NYG/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/KC/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/CLE/CAR/AZ/CHI/MIN/DEN/17 IND: NYG/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/NE/TB/PHI/PIT/TEN/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/MIN/DEN/27 DIFF: KC/NE, NO/TB, JAX/TEN, CLE/DAL, CHI/IND Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 1-0) d Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X 0-1) 8-6 MIN: WAS/DET/CIN/SEA/NYJ/KC/NO/PHI/PIT/JAX/DAL/CAR/AZ/IND/MIN/OAK/24 GB: WAS/DET/BAL/BUF/MIA/KC/TB/STL/PIT/JAX/CLE/SD/SF/IND/GB/DEN/27 DIFF: CIN/BAL, SEA/BUF, NYJ/MIA, NO/TB, PHI/STL, DAL/CLE, CAR/SD, AZ/SF, MIN/GB, OAK/DEN, 24/27 Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris 1-0) d Oakland Raiders (Smues 0-1) 9-4 DEN: NYG/DET/CIN/BUF/NYJ/NE/NO/PHI/HOU/JAX/DAL/SD/AZ/CHI/MIN/DEN/22 OAK: WAS/DET/BAL/SEA/NYJ/NE/TB/STL/PIT/JAX/DAL/SD/SF/IND/MIN/OAK/22 DIFF: NYG/WAS, CIN/BAL, BUF/SEA, NO/TB, PHI/STL, HOU/PIT, AZ/SF, CHI/IND, DEN/OAK ******************************************************************************** AFC EAST New England Patriots (Harley Quinn) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > New York Jets (Gert T) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > AFC NORTH Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Houston Texans (Bored) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Alfdogg) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > AFC WEST San Diego Chargers (909) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 0-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Kansas City Chiefs (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 0-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 0-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Starvenger) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > New York Giants (Cartman) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > NFC NORTH Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > Detroit Lions (Chazz) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (USC) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Agent Bond) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC WEST Seattle Seahawks (UZI Suicide) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-0 > San Francisco 49ers (devo) 1-0 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 0-1 < PF: , PA: , AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 >

My man.

EFA Wow, we really the economy going in that part of Ohio, didn't we?

10 p.m. • So this is the last week of the better half’s employment and her idiot boss gave her a $30 gift card to Panera Bread. Oh yay. For those that don’t know, Panera is one of those hippie stores that sell overpriced food that doesn’t even come close to filling you up. Because we were going grocery shopping today, we decided to just buy a bunch of shit and get this $30 gift card out of our lives forever. Now I’ve never been in a Panera store before, but it was no different than the few other times I went into these kind of eateries. Mrs. kkk got a sandwich, cookie and frozen coffee. I got a sandwich, soup and frozen smoothie. Not quite $30 but it was close. However, this is what blew my mind. We got one of those coaster-things that flash when your order is ready. That’s odd, but whatever. As we sat at our booth we heard “kkk, your order is ready.” Well what’s the point of having the coster-thingy if they’re just going to call out our name anyway? I digress. I also went to the stand that called out our order. I noticed that we only had our soup and sandwiches. Figure out what I said and what the Panera employee said: “Where’s the rest of our order?” “You have to get the drinks over at that register.” *Points leftward.* OK, so I went and took the food to our booth and went to pick up the drinks. I then noticed Mrs. kkk’s cookie was nowhere to be found. Figure out what I said and what another Panera employee said: “Where’s the cookie to this order?” “You have to get cookies over at that register.” *Points leftward.* You’re being serious? I had to go to three registers to complete my order. Thank Christ this store was near empty. Damn hippie store. Oh well, at least they didn’t put grass on my food like the Atlanta Bread Company. • Good thing Osama isn’t Jewish; God knows what Jimmy would be calling him. His stuttering was the best part.

Agent will be the Bucs. Uzi will be the Seahawks. Steve Rogers informed me earlier that he wasn't able to commit this season (I missed his PM until after the deadline), but just told me he would be able to participate. Because he told me this after the deadline his team was up for grabs. However, I have always given first dibs to vet participants who tell me to give up their team to someone else and want to return later. (Think of this as an incentive not to just stop making picks in mid-season.) Because of this, he will get first dibs on any team this season, followed by the person who made the next best set of picks this preaseason, etc. The Week 1 thread will be posted sometime this weekend/early next week, depending on when spreads will be available.

6 p.m. • Wow, Fast Eddie talking about media bias? That's funny. Don't worry, after Osama does his thing this week you'll be back on the "what media bias?" bandwagon. • I'm sure there's a blogger WHOSE NAME WILL NOT BE UTTERED UNTIL THE END OF TIME that probably already scouted this kid inside and out. "Frighteneing"? Oh well, I'm the last person to goof on another person's speling, but damnit someone got paid not to run a spell-check. I'm doing this blog for free. Not sure how relevant this is to the above story, but as a kid I was in this bowling league. We didn’t use regular balls but rather this was a duckpin bowling league. What does that mean? The balls were smaller and there is no pinacton. Anyway, there was this kid was excellent but I hated the fuck. His dad was one of the bigwigs of the league, but his kid’s team never won a league championship in the several years I was there. This kid was so good he was always a team’s captain; each team had a really good bowler, a pretty good bowler and a few scrubs (like me). Well, this one year this kid was magically placed on a team with two other boys that had been team captains in previous years. Strangely enough, after a month or two this team amassed something like a 14-1 record. Here’s a coincidence: this kid’s dad put the teams together. What did I do about it? I took my ball and went home. Do I regret it? Shit, I forgot about this experience until reading the above article. • Huh? Too fat? Oh this should be a good one. Then fry him. Of course, then the poor cops zapping this porker will be smelling bacon... Oh Christ, the I-was-abused excuse. Sadly, below is the part of the article that pisses me off the most. Oh boo-fucking-hoo. Wow. That must have been one strong homemade ladder to hold that fattie up. Guess those magazines were phonebooks or something.

8:30 p.m. • I wonder if the McCain spokespeople pictured doing this six months ago? God I love my county. • Wow. And I thought veggies were green enough. Oh well, I guess it's better than eating food that a Mexican shit on out in the field.

Here we go. I will post the winning teams in boldface as the week goes on and put the final scores of those teams selected for TB purposes: San Francisco @ Chicago (San Fran: 37) Philadelphia @ New England Tennessee @ Atlanta Houston @ Dallas (Dallas: 23) Green Bay @ Denver Cleveland @ Detroit (Cleveland 6) NY Giants @ NY Jets (NY Giants: 7) Kansas City @ Miami (Miami: 24) Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay Washington @ Carolina New Orleans @ Cincinnati Pittsburgh @ Minnesota Baltimore @ St. Louis Arizona @ Oakland Buffalo @ Indianapolis Seattle @ San Diego (Seattle: 17) BX CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/GB/DET/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/NO/MIN/STL/AZ/IND/SD Dallas: 17(-23) TB Difference: 6 MFerXtreme87 CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/DEN/DET/NYG/MIA/TB/WAS/CIN/PIT/STL/OAK/IND/SEA Seattle: 27(-17) TB Difference: 10 The Ghost of Harold Ballard CHI/NE/ATL/HOU/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/MIN/STL/ARZ/IND/SD NY Giants: 28(-7) TB Difference: 21 AgentBond34 CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYJ/KC/JAX/CAR/NO/PIT/STL/OAK/BUF/SD San Francisco: 14(-37) TB Difference: 23 JHawk CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/PIT/STL/OAK/IND/SD Cleveland: 23 (-6) TB Difference: 17 UZI Suicide CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYJ/MIA/JAX/WAS/NO/PIT/BAL/OAK/IND/SD Dallas: 28(-23) TB Difference: 5 Obi Chris Kenobi CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/JAX/CAR/NO/PIT/BAL/OAK/IND/SEA Dallas: 13(-23) TB Difference: 10 Mr. Rant -- for his usual 4-5 weeks before dropping out CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/DEN/CLE/NYJ/KC/JAX/WAS/CIN/PIT/BAL/AZ/IND/SEA Seattle: 24(-17) TB Difference: 7 Cowboy13012 CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/DEN/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/MIN/BAL/AZ/BUF/SD Miami: 20 (-24) TB Difference: 4

9 p.m. • So the kkk household just got this letter from the Nielsen people. Looks like we could be a future ratings player. Looks like the ratings will be up even more for OMG FAUX NEWS LOL 2008~! Man, I haven’t said that in a while. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I watched cable news. • You know, stealing her purse I understand. But her cane? Sad thing is there was a bit during “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.” Where a mugger robs an old lady and takes her walker. Let’s see if YouTube has this clip. … I give up. You’ll have to settle with this. Not sure what I like better: “niggasaki” at 0:47, the entrance doorbell at 1:25 or “the Man” at “4:07.”