kkktookmybabyaway

8 p.m. • You know what else is pissing me off? With all this rain my area has been getting, the lawn has grown by leaps and bounds. Mother fucker, and I just mowed the lawn not too long ago. Well, it could be worse. I heard on the radio today that some place in Shittsburgh just had the roads paved but no drains installed. This means the plethora of H2O Mother Nature has been giving us has been making its way into some houses. One yins-er said he can’t live in this neighborhood due to all the flooding that’s taken place over the past few months. That’s gotta suck, although I can think of a few other reasons to get the hell out of the city. 7:45 p.m. • Ugh. So today the personal shopping scanner thingys were down at the grocery store. What does this mean? I had to have a cashier ring up the groceries. Fuck. Not only were the check-out lines hella long, but I was in front of some fat bitch who squirted out a kid and was paying for her groceries via WIC. What does the rapper Willie D have to say about this sort of thing? Damn straight, dawg. Here I am going through my coupons trying to make every cent count and this person in front of me spread her legs a year ago and now I have to pay for her groceries, too. “But it’s for her baby, kkk.” N*gga, I’m a Republican. Make the kid get a job. Anyway, when it was my turn, I got a fucking attitude because the cashier had to do something funky with my advantage card. I was told by the personal scanner chick that the cashier had to override my shopper card thing, and when I told the casher this, you would have thought I had asked her to take my groceries out to the car, go to my house and cook the food for me. Then there was the 90-year-old bagger with the hump who put my four bags of instant mashed potatoes in THREE DIFFERENT BAGS. Fuck, I wish I could have bagged my groceries as I went, which is what you do with the personal shopper scanning thingy. Then the cashier accuses me of not buying two Butterball turkey bacon packages, thus making my $1 off coupon invalid. Bitch, don’t even think you’re going to Jew me out of my dollar off – after all, I just spent $50+ dollars on the customer before me for Similac and other shit. Because I was also bagging my groceries and was sorting the products by bag, I knew that the turkey bacon was with the buy-one-get-one-free chicken breasts (the turkey bacon was also on sale, for those keeping score at home). I whipped out my Butterballs and shoved them in her face. Well, not really, but you get the point. I’m a coupon-clipping pro, ho. Don’t pick this battle because you’re going to lose. Anyway, after all that shit it was time to go home. God I miss you personal shopper scanning thing. Please be all better when I come back next Tuesday, same bat time, same bat channel. 7 a.m. • So whenever the better half and I go to sleep, the cats have been joining us on the bed as of late. Normally it was just Dessa who slept with us, but during the past few weeks our two males have also joined us, much to their sister's chagrin. Anyway, last night at around 1 a.m. I rolled over on Max's tail. He let out a yelp, which caused JJ to pounce on him -- right on top of me. After a few seconds of wrestling and screaming (all on top of my chest) they took off down the hall. This in turn caused Dessa to chase after them, and after about 20 more seconds of screaming and hissing, it all went silent. At one o'clock in the fucking morning. Oh this is going to be such a long-ass day.

7:30 p.m. • With my state recently getting into the slot machine business, I can't wait until this starts and the shit hits the fan, so to speak. Wha-? What are they supposed to do. Inspect every seat someone gets up from? And he still went back in to play. Fuck are these people pathetic. Man, and with Pennsylvania home to bunches and bunches of old people, there should be nothing but good times ahead. • Hey Smues, if the thought of planning a wedding is too much, try this. It will be less painful. 7:15 p.m. • Wow, so Michael Vick was fibbing when he said he had nothing to do with "Bad Newz Kennels"? I'm shocked. One thing I've wondered about during this whole ordeal. Even if he never plays football again, he was in the midst of a $100+ million contract (and I'm not even talking about endorsements). If he ends up broke due to not being able to play football, he truly is a dipshit (not like he's one already). 3 p.m. • As a follow-up to my 10:30 a.m. entry, I've been stealing Jim Rome's "ERRR" soundbite at work for a while now. Let's just say the job I took in 2004 isn't the same one as it is now. It's amazing one you agree to a wage how suddenly there were BONUS duties that weren't mentioned in the interview process. For a while I used the term "told" when describing something that wasn't in my original job description. This February, I was brought in to my head boss' office where he attempted to scold me for my over-use of the word "told" in that month's report. (I used the magic word 5 times in an 1,100-word report. Oh, and I also mentioned that the "assistant" I was to hire, who had to have a college degree, was to be paid no more than $8/hour. Funny enough, there were no takers.) Much to his surprise, I countered. Boy did I ever counter. See, when you have things like facts and the truth on your side you tend to be much more relaxed when people are attempting to besmirch you. Anyway, I was "forbidden" to use the T-word. Works for me. What do I do now? Let's see. Me talking to a sympathetic ear: "It's funny how I was tol--ERRR 'instructed' to create these TPS reports when, during my interview, I was tol-ERRR ‘it was said to me’ that this wouldn’t be my responsibility. Yeah, no more "told." That was a good idea there, chief. 10:30 a.m. • Nice. During the first segment of Boortz’s national broadcast there was a caller talking about the topic of “Would you vote for a Mormon for president.” After a long conversation of “faith,” “understanding” and all that other touchy-feely crap, the caller answered the question. “Yes … if it means keeping Hitlery out of office.” She must read "KK's Korner" because I can't imagine anyone else coming up with such a witty, original name to describe the future POTUS.

Yeah because God forbid someone who spends year after year in med school tries to pursue a comfortable lifestyle afterward (my half-brother is a doctor and it's insane the amount of time and effort he has put into his chosen profession). Greater Good, Greater Good. And my workplace health plan is super -- as long as I don't expect them to cover anything.

7:15 p.m. • It was reported in a local newspaper that my out-of-control niece-in-law got in trouble with the law. She recently waived a hearing on a charge of drug possession. She got busted several months ago after being pulled over by the po-po for speeding in a residential neighborhood. When her car was being searched, the Man found a bag of crack cocaine. (Allegedly, of course). Bwahahahahahahahahahaha. To make things better, in the next article another drug possession story was reported. The suspect is a neighbor of my crack-whore sister-in-law. • Uhhh… Well, the amount of time I spend with my family does determine my happiness. Of course, the less time I spend with them the happier I am. Then again, I’m not 24 anymore. Eh, I’ve pretty much been anti-family my life so whatever. • So I saw “Flight Plan” earlier today. My God what a steaming pile of shit. SPOILERZ ahead~! Typical Hollywood garbage. OMG, the Air Marshall was the terrorist all along. I bet George W. Bush was the one who masterminded the whole thing. And I was waiting for the Muslim who was accused of being a terrorist to share a tender moment with Jodie Foster at the film’s end. Gag. At first I thought this was going to be one of those, “Her kid is dead and she’s making shit up,” but that was way too easy, and when the movie dialogue brought this up I was thinking, “Oh Christ this is actually going to be a conspiracy.” • Yeah, because tobacco isn't taxed enough already. You know, just ban the shit if you don't want people smoking.

Places with government healthcare already have a two-tier system. One for the politicians and one for their sheep.

Parlor lines are too damn long. When I want ice cream I'll go to the fridge. I usually go for ice cream sandwiches rather than the ice cream cartons, though.

Well now you have. I'm impressed that a theater manager would actually be gung-ho about something like this.

11:15 p.m. • As a follow-up to yesterday's entry about the pseudo-kkk. Here's a PM exchange from a mod from late last night. I'm sure you can figure out who is who: They say the best comedy has a hint of truth to it. 6:15 p.m. • Actually, this isn't too bad an idea. At least it'll be easy to spell. For some reason, whenever I type out the name "Chris" I add a "t" at the end. If I was a Chinese resident and had two kids, I'd name them "Ping" and "Pong." And when they misbehave, I would spank them with a paddle. 12:45 p.m. • Wow, a few blog entries have been looking back over the past year or so. I might as well do the same – for the past three hours. I’m at lunch during my hippie meeting. Of course, one dipshit makes some lame-ass attempt to make it appear that I don’t do my job and I completely blow him out of the fucking water. Basically, I was accused of not doing something. The problem is I need to first be told by someone higher up on the food chain to do it. Several people that I’m cool with shook my hand during the mid-morning break for putting this asshole back in his place. Not sure if I’ll have a Monday morning meeting about it though. Regarding Smues and his hatred of airlines. The last time I was a passenger on an airplane was 10 years go this summer. I hate flying. I’m not “afraid” but I think part of my distaste comes from not being able to think you’re in control. For example, if you’re driving and a big rig comes at you, there’s some chance you could escape. When your jet is nose-diving several thousand feet toward the earth, there’s really nothing much you can do about it. Anyway, back to my story. I was going to California to visit my half-brother and I had an aisle seat with this mom and four brats: One kid was next to her on a window seat and the other three were in the row behind us. Of course they were out of control and I had to get up a bunch of times for her to take her kids to the bathroom. Whatever. However, on this Shittsburgh-to-LA flight, we passed over the Grand Canyon. As I tried to sneak a peek at this hole in the ground, the mom and kid had their heads up to the window with nowhere for me to look. After the plane passed, the mom looked at me and suddenly acted all shocked that they didn’t give me a chance to view the sight. “Billie, sit back so the man can see.” Nice try but way too late seeing how the canyon was out of view. Oh well, the next time she turned around to control her kids behind us I just took up all of the arm rest (we had been sharing the whole flight) and when she turned back around to sit down she had to lean toward her kid for the duration of the tip. Oh, yeah. There were these Indians in front of us (dot-heads, not tomahawks) who were a pain in the ass the whole time to the stewardesses and gay male attendants. The highlight came when they ordered a veggie meal but didn’t actually order it pre-flight, which is what you were supposed to do. That must have sucked for the flight attendants when they went to the passengers who actually ordered these special meals and realized their mistake. Lunchtime is almost over. Back to sitting and going over my MVP baseball rosters for another few hours.

Free health care is for hippies, commi... Uh, wha-?

10 p.m. • Regarding SFA Jack’s workday: One time the fire alarm went off at my place of employment and everybody in the building was like, "uh what do we do?” How about LEAVE THE FUCKING BUIDLING? Was this alarm a short circuit or something like that? Probably. But it’s a FIRE ALARM. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out. I don’t care if there wasn’t a fire. I didn’t want to be one of those people caught in a raging inferno and have it announced later that despite the fire alarm going off I stayed in the building. Christ, I’m not that stupid. • You know the funniest thing about this -- I actually paused for several seconds and thought, “Did I really type that earlier today? I don't even remember logging in to TSM today.” • So the better half and I went to our one friend’s house tonight (the one with the one baby daddy in jail for armed robbery, for those keeping score at home). Not only did her and the baby daddy of kid #2 overpay for this house, but they got an adjustable and the so-called man of the house has a problem with credit-card debt. From what I heard, he maxes out his cards on frivolous shit. Ugh. Seriously, you’re not a kid anymore. You’ve got a mortgage, a pseudo-wife and two kids – one of which isn’t yours. You chose this life. Now deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I don’t mean “go out and buy stupid shit.” • Christ, I have to go to a stupid board meeting where I sit there all day an collect a per diem that’s half of what I make in a normal workday. With me coming in on Sunday to finish up some work, I would be coming in for a full week, Sunday-Saturday. I thought about this for a second and realized what a lazy shit I’ve become. Back in the day I went to school and worked full-time, I worked two jobs/seven days/60+ hours per week. Now I’m bitching about this? Well, yeah. • When I was taking out the trash at around 10:30 p.m. last night, I noticed several kids on my street playing football with a glow-in-the-dark pigskin. I then got one of those flashbacks to when I was in high school and did stuff like that. I was bummed for a second until I realized how much I like my present years more than my teen years, believe it or not. Yeah, I was a real bitter, cynical sonofabitch back then. • Speaking of sorta mid-life crises, the better half got “Wild Hogs” from the mother-in-law to watch tonight. Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, and I was right. Sadly, Mrs. kkk found it hilarious. Oh well, at least Ray Liotta was a surprise. I had no idea he was that desperate for money.

I heard on the news today that there was a collapse and three rescue workers died. Also, I do not like how the mine's owner has presented himself in this situation, but then again I'm sure he isn't known for his public relations expertise.

I don't know anything about the mining industry, but if the rescue effort were rushed, wouldn't there be a danger of more collapses or similar damage?

My version of hell would be living in Golden Corral after having gastric bypass surgery, although I haven't been to one of these shrines of goodness in years.

kkk's Top 103 Posters Number 13: NoCal Mike You know, one might think I hate liberals. And while that may be true, there’s one group out there I hate even more. Those faggot “independents” that are bigger commies than Khrushchev. Fuck I hate these people. If you’re going to be for anti-American shit then just come out and say it. Don’t pretend you’re all high and mighty. Calling yourself an “independent” doesn’t make you any smarter than reactionary fucks like me. Medium-Large Media may spooge all over you come election time, and they might invite to their “focus group rooms” during a debate just so we can see how MODERATES react to the candidates' responses. Give me a break. This is why I love people like NoCal Mike. If you’re going to hate this country, at least be honest about it. NoCal is, and that’s why he rules. Shit, he’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader. And while I’m not a huge fan of the "mindless zombies taking over the world” movies, NoCal loves ‘em. Say, maybe he is a Democrat after all. And he watched “OZ,” which might explain some of his opinions on gay marriage. (I hope the future Mrs. NoCalMichelle knows about this.) Wait a second, that "OZ" thread was in response to a thread I started. Uh, nevermind. Go queers! 8 p.m. • Still haven't really gotten used to MP3 and all that other shit. Damn kids. 7:45 p.m. • So when I got my super-sized cable package a few weeks ago, one of the channels I’m surprised I haven’t checked out more is the NFL Network. Today I had some preseason game on from several days ago and couldn’t decide if this was a good or bad thing. I’ve never been big into preseason, but I never had my livelihood depend on these “meaningless” games. Charles Barkley once said that preseason is just to screw over the fans, but I don’t have a problem with them. Sure there’s always those handful of starters that get hurt for the year, but this is how many teams gauge second-string talent. Talent that take over for injured or under-performing starters in the regular season. It’s weird watching preseason games because while you watch a missed tackle on a third and 10 play and shrug your shoulders, the defender at fault is probably thinking other things, especially if he’s not the opening-day starter. • Oh for fuck’s sake, W. can’t get his pro-invasion legislation so now we shouldn’t go after the invaders for the sake of Census figures? Boo-fucking hoo. When it comes to illegals, there’s only one number that should be considered for the Census: too many.

Wish you would had told me that earlier. What was your name before Vanhalen?

I'm content with cable, but if dishes are your thing then yay.

That's why he wants them to cross the border -- so he can exploit them.

9 p.m. • SPOILERZ AHEAD~! Trust me, you're better off knowing them in this case. So I got done watching “Ultraviolet.” Here’s the best way I can describe it. About two-thirds of the way through, Mrs. kkk comes home from some Catholic thing they do today and the following conversation takes place. “What are you watching?” “Ultraviolet.” “What’s it about?” “Honestly. I have no idea.” So this blood made people vampires and some guy who’s in charge wants them all dead so he makes this kid with stuff in him that can kill them, but it’s actually for humans so Mole’s Girlfriend kills a bunch of people because she’s feeling maternal or something. I don’t know. I really don’t have much of an opinion of this chick. Nothing against her. She seems nice enough. And I like her cheekbones. The facial ones. For some reason when I watch those “Resident Evil” movies I think to myself, “Why am I watching this?” But I do. I really liked the black guy in the first one who got diced. That was kinda Jewish – at least give a brother a chance to get away. Well it looks like I'm not the only one to give this thing lackluster reviews. Oh, yeah. I forgot about those "Vampire Tears of Resurrection." 6:30 p.m. • Oh Barry, I was going to defend you on this… …but then I heard about this. How about instead of going after Schilling you take on those people that, oh, I don’t know, wrote a book about your shenanigans? Well, I said I was going to comment on your "body armor," and I am a man of my word. I don't see the big deal about the "body armor," when the biggest target on him is his head. • And while I’m on this subject, n*gga plz. Honey, what Imus did to you ain’t defamation. If anything, you ought to be thanking him because now you have some recognition. Then again, you can’t blame a sister for trying to get paid – perhaps this will result in an out-of-court settlement or something. Then again, the "libel, slander and defamation" part of the article got me thinking to my favorite line of the "Spiderman" movie series. "Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander." "It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel." Sorry, a little journalism humor.

8:15 p.m. • You know, it's shit like this that really pisses me off. Now most of the time fast-food places try to put good-looking gals at the registers and in drive-thrus. This is done in hopes that irate customers won't be so pissed off in front of a pretty face. I never got that myself. "Yeah, I was going to scream at you for my long wait, but maybe if I act all understanding your panties will get wet and you'll craw through the window and suck me dry while I'm pounding my Big Mac and fries." Now there have been a few instances when I've worked drive thru during my high schools years and I hated it, especially late night. This was because the people back in the grill were cleaning equipment and didn't give a shit how long it took an order to complete. This, of course, made the lazy drive-thru people angry and I had to bear the brunt of it. Fortunately, I never had a pepper spray to the eyes or worse -- just a drive off before the person's order could be complete. A similar incident to the story mentioned above happened at a somewhat local McDonald's here, and it was funny listening to the one RIGHT-WING RADIO station's local host comment on it. Actually, the callers were the real joy. A number of them opined about how terrible the culture is and all that shit while trying to figure out how to stop it. Here's an idea that isn't put to much use these days in most areas of law enforcement. PUNISH THE ASSHOLES WHO DO THIS SHIT. You want to assault some poor teen trying to earn money for college? Give this shit the maximum, harshest penalty available. Send the fuck to juvenile hall or jail. When the teen's scumbag defense lawyer that mommy and daddy paid for trying to whine about it to the judge, have the judge go, "N*gga plz" and tack on a few more months. After a several of these sentences, I'm quite sure it will be safer for customer service representatives to say, "here's your order" and not have to worry about being assaulted. And for the teens that do get ambushed with this kind of bullshit: Find the Jewiest lawyer out there and sue the shit out of the bitches that did this to you. And if these perps are of minor age, go after the parents, which would be even better. 8 p.m. • Yet another story of wedded bliss. During our grocery store trip today I got a thing of Nestle Quik, or that hippie abbreviated version. Why did I do it? I was in the mood for some chocolaty goodness. That and it was on sale and I had a coupon. Anyway, for some reason we were talking about this on the way home and she said, "Chocolate milk is good ... if you're 10." My retort? "This coming from the person who watches Scooby Doo DVDs when she goes to bed in her Scooby Doo pjs." Silence. Well at least it's the original Scooby Doo cartoons and not the retarded newer versions. I think my first boner came from looking at Daphne, which is odd because I’m not normally attracted to red-heads. Either that or I got my first stiffy from some special Geraldo did back in the day about hookers. 3 p.m. • You know what I hate about deadlines? Going over shit without the radio on. How can I listen to Boortz when I have stuff to proofread and finalize. Damn responsibility. • We can't keep illegals from crossing our border. I'm sure this place will be able to control this. • What the hell was the point of this? "That bitch. I hate her. Say, maybe if I make her cat sterile, that'll teach her a lesson." The only reason I'm making light of this is that the cat is expected to recover, though I'm not sure the feline's junk will. Oh well, kitties need to be fixed anyway. And it could have been worse than just a box cutter. • I've mentioned the groundhog that lives under my shed a few times and explained why I leave him alone for the most part. Here's another reason: he's not Grumpy.

10:30 p.m. • So I just got done watching the new “Bad News Bears.” Sure it was pretty much the same as the old version, but actually it wasn’t all that bad. I’m not a huge fan of the first film, so I’m not going to go “OMG they changed it to make it all PC and shit.” In fact, it seemed like this version was more offensive. There were some things I thought were better in the ‘70s version (like how the chick ends up “losing” the bet with that Kelly kid), but on the other hand there were some modern-day gags I liked (the cripple catching the ball at the end was cute). Oh, yeah. And how can you go wrong with dialogue like this? And I have no idea who Marcia Gay Harden was until this film, but damn was she a MILF, even for a lawyer. One thing that struck me though was it would actually be cool to coach a team like this, if only because you could get some non-PC company to sponsor the uniforms. I’ve mentioned before that there’s this bar/restaurant down the street from me whose owner puts up this kind of stuff on his marquee all the time. His most recent line is something about getting wetbacks out of the country (don’t worry, commies, he hates W., too). I’d love to have him as my team’s sponsor. I’d let him put stuff on the back of the jerseys like… Want to see more. Peep this. 7 p.m. • He came. He saw. He stole elections. He shifted hurricanes to black neighborhoods. He sloppily constructed levees in said black neighborhoods. He made Halliburton billions of dollars. I <{ Karl Rove.

• Nothing worth griping about today. Spending the day at work on the monthly publication. Like I’ve said before, I LOVE coming in on the weekend as opposed to trying to get this shit done during the workweek. I’m by myself, got AC/DC playing in the background, without the hassle of the idiot boss or phone calls, and I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt. No, I want the above-mentioned hassles along with that “DEADLINE” looming on the horizon. And to make matters better, I don’t have to come in on a workday sometime in this pay period (Right now I’m scoping August 24 or possibly the 27th.) • Boy what a pussy. Yeah, like what’s the big deal. It’s only an ANKLE. In the sport of SOCCER. He ought to man up and play through the pain. Grant Hill did and look how great his NBA career was afterward. • Assuming this is true... ...it only makes me LOL even harder knowing that Richards' character in that one Bond film was a nuclear scientist, or something like that. It’s been years since I’ve watched “The World is Not Enough" so my memory is a bit hazy. I was close enough. Look, I get that you have to suspend belief when watching television programs or movies, but this is a bit too much.

1 p.m. • So the better half and I were watching “Dark Water” last night when I saw a robin fly into our back window. OK, I’ve talked before about birds running into our one window/screen thing out on the back porch, but this was a window on the side of the house. There’s NO excuse for any animal to get a running start and go “splat” against the side of this house. That is, of course, the bird owed money. This meant I had to get the shovel and bury the thing in the back yard near the shed. I think the bird body count is now around five. I can’t wait until I bury a future dead bird and dig up one of these carcasses by mistake. At least if the dead ever decide to rise up I’ll have one heck of an aviary. Anyway, about “Dark Water.” (SPOLERZ AHEAD~!) Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. Read up on the movie here because I’m too lazy to tell you about the plot. The first hour just dealt with the Jennifer Connelly character (Dahlia Williams) and her kid moving into some shit hole of an apartment. Yawn. The ending could have been great. Basically, Dahlia sacrificed herself to be the ghost-kid’s mom in order to save her own child. Not bad. However, it was established that the Dahlia suffered from delusions, and the final bit with her kid pretty much established that the ghost kid was real. I would have liked it to be less clear – was there really a ghost kid or did Dahlia make up the whole thing? You could say that Dahlia’s kid also suffered from delusions, too, and that the final scene was from the imagination of Dahlia’s kid, but I don’t see it that way. For the record, I heard this was the American version of a Jap film; I didn’t see the latter version. Oh well, let’s see what others thought: What has this got to do with “Dark Water”? I have no idea.

Haven't bowled in years. Can't play pool worth shit. Air hockey was my game. Kristi, do you hold the paddle on top with your hand or do you go for the "several fingers in the paddle's little moat-thingy"?

How long was Vince "dead"?

Step two is moving into a white/whiter neighborhood. That's when you get your Newt Decoder Pin.