kkktookmybabyaway

8 p.m. • For those that care, the mail issue has been resolved. When I called the post office on Friday, I actually spoke to the chick that delivered mail on my street. Basically, she said that she couldn’t find my mailbox and though that rusted out piece of shit was indeed my mailbox. When I mentioned my neighbor who needs to get his mail at his doorstep, she said, “Oh I knew about that,” to which my response was, “then why was his mail with mine in the wrong mailbox. Silence. Oh, and that rusted mailbox is now hanging by a thread from its post. • Here’s an update on the sterile Mexican family. Despite having the income of a part-time janitor, and the expenses of two test-tube kids, this household purchased a house, a new car and luxury items like a projection television. Did I mention they claimed bankruptcy a few years back due to maxed out credit cards? Well last night we discovered that – surprise – they are at least three months back on their mortgage payments with a house they bought less than 15 months ago. Whenever I hear welfare-reform opponents whine about how cruel we are to our nation’s poor, I get the urge to laugh until I cry. • I hope there aren’t any great expectations for this place. LOL2007~! If you dont' get the joke, go read a book. Then again, I don't read any of this hippie shit either. 1 p.m. • So as I was driving to work this morning I heard on the radio some story about this local college athlete getting arrested due to a domestic dispute. I can’t tell you who the athlete was or what sport he played. All I can tell you is that the fight started over a set of car keys. Oh, and the chick saying that the “violence started after she hit him in the chest.” Uh, no, bitch – the violence started WHEN you hit that guy in the chest. I don’t advocate violence on females (unless, of course, they are really deserving of it, like when they don't have your dinner ready when you home from work), but when you bitches strike us first it should be on like Donkey Kong. Ah, here's the story. If all this is true, I wouldn't punish Benjamin outside of the normal criminal conduct code for two people fighting in public. A college basketball player for a Division 1A program and all she got was a bleeding knee along with a few scratches and bruises. I think she got off rather lucky. The only thing I'd fault Benjamin for is poor choice in women, but then again the article says "former girlfriend."

9:30 p.m. • The better half and I have this ongoing joke where I call her a “ho.” (Don’t ask. It’s a LONG story.) Well, like many things, this joke has morphed over time. One of these changes came when I finally got her to watch Season 1 of “The Shield.” There is this storyline that carried for an episode or two where officers Dani and Gay Julian dealt with this love triangle: one fat white woman and two black guys. Basically, this chick was banging one guy then the next, and every time the officers went to that address for some domestic disturbance call, the gal was with a different guy. One time the cops were called out there because one of the guys spray-painted “ho” on the woman’s front door. But on the next call out there, when the guy who spray-painted “ho” suddenly became that woman’s squeeze for the day, in response to his earlier graffiti he spray-pained “s” and “e” to transform that derogatory term from “ho” to “shoe.” When Mrs. kkk saw this “shoe” scene, she bust out laughing, so now instead of calling her “ho,” in many instances I call her “shoe.” It’s all love talk. Anyway, today we went to a local Chinese buffet due to both of us having crazy days at work. While we were there, this family came in and was celebrating the birthday of one of their daughters. We knew this because the girl was wearing a paper crown on her head. On the crown it said, “Happy Birthday Mary” and below that it said, “little shoe.” We both laughed. Oh, and that “Shield” storyline ended with one of the guys killing the other guy and chick … with a GUN! • An organized crime chief can't afford to pay for car upkeep? Japan's economy must really suck. Gee, I wonder how that bit got into the article? I liked the last part of the article. So I guess Japan now needs to ban swords, knives, matches and gasoline in order for its citizens to feel really safe. • Not only was Jersey’s governor not wearing a seatbelt in his recent accident, but also his SUV was going 91 mph. That’s funny. I wonder if the law will treat Corzine the same way as it would a regular person who got into an accident going more than 30 mph over the speed limit and not wearing a seat belt? • How about calling on distressed borrowers to not buy houses when they clearly can’t afford to make such an investment? Oh, yeah. Because that would be mean.

But he wants people to carry guns and shoot them at SUV drivers and those who don't recycle.

9 p.m. • Remember back during the football season I said that I liked NBC's "Football Night in America"? Well, that may be put to the test this year. Then again, I shouldn't let my right-wing bias taint this; I liked Keith when he was on SportsCenter. Actually, when he was on ESPN I always wondered what he would be like if he talked about things other than sports. Boy did I ever get my wish. Looks like Sterling's a no-go. He was one of my favorite players before he got hurt. What that has to do with his broadcasting ability I have no idea. • OK, so the second paragraph made me laugh. And I'm a believer in the Madden curse. If I was a Charger fan and saw LT on the cover, I'd be scared. Very scared. 6:15 p.m. • So this got me laughing today on my “Around the Horn/PTI” background-noise-during-dinner-hour spectacular. I guess Steve Spurrier doesn’t like the stars and bars on the South Carolina state flag. Of course there was a near circle-jerk about what a great guy Steve is and all that, but I was thinking what if Spurrier came out and said he thought the flag should stay as is. Boy would today’s reactions be a different. As for me, I don’t care what Spurrier says about this issue; actually I don’t really care what anybody says about the confederate flag. I’m a hated Yankee. • Regarding the whole Virginia Tech thing: From an AIM chat earlier today with everybody’s favorite SNL recapper. Great. Now I get to hear libs go “OMG GUNS R EVIL~!” for the next few weeks. Too bad there weren’t any thuggish Miami Hurricane players there; they would have put two in that Jap’s head. • The hell? I don’t think the better half and I were with our H&R Block chick for even an hour this year.

What a proud day for my people.

8:30 p.m. • Why do I do this to myself? That’s right, because it’s funny as hell. So I decided to turn on “Baseball Tonight” and lo’ and behold who do I see on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY? and Oh yeah, this will be good. I don’t know what I found to be funnier: the game highlights I saw where ESPN showed which players were wearing #42 on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY, or the stat they had featuring “black firsts” in baseball. What caught my eye wasn’t who was first black player, or the first black manager, or the first black general manager, or the first black umpire. It was the first all-black starting lineup, which, according to ESPN, was the 1971 Pirates. Wait a second, wasn’t Roberto Clemente, a Latino, a starter on that team? Time to go to my on-line baseball encyclopedia for an answer. Now what’s a dirty Latino player doing on a supposedly all-black lineup? (There were probably other Latinos on this team, but I don’t care.) You mean to tell me that in this one instance in honor of JACKIE ROBINSON DAY we’re lumping in black baseball players with Latinos? But yet in recent weeks I’ve had to hear about how there are only NINE PERCENT black ballplayers in Major League Baseball while disregarding the large amount of Latinos engaged in America’s National Pastime. So grouping blacks and other minorities when gathering baseball stats for a specific political agenda is bad every other day of the year except on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY? Gotcha. Oh my God: C.C. Sabathia had a good outing today and when Berman was talking with this player ESPN was showing his stats for the day, and on the line below this information it read, “on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY.” So it looked something like this: IP 8, H 5, R 1, ER 1, BB 3, SO 10, HR 0, ERA 2.14 On JACKIE ROBINSON DAY There’s a headline on MLB's home page that reads: “Sabathia does Jackie proud on special day.” Berman also used a similar line when the Twins’ Torii Hunter successfully slid into home. I’m surprised ESPN didn’t target those players who DIDN’T wear #42 today. 5:30 p.m. • In a somewhat related story to this morning's entry, the people who live to the left of the rusty mailbox pictured below had their trash out on the curb Thursday for our Friday morning pickup. When I came home from work Thursday, I noticed their garbage can was knocked over, probably due to the high winds, and being the good neighbor that I am I went over to put it right-side up. It was then that I noticed they don't tie up their garbage bags that well, if at all. Upon further review, I realized that to them "garbage bag" means "plastic bag you get at the grocery store." What the fuck is wrong with people? Half the time my cats don't cover up their poop when they use the litter, but they're cats. Actually, Dessa and JJ often try to cover up their business by either clawing on the side of the litter box or by scratching the wall next to the litter boxes. And Max will use half the litter in one of their boxes to cover up his bathroom deposit, which means half of that litter used ends up on the floor. At least he tries. 8:30 a.m. • Long story short. There’s this old guy who lives across the street from me. His wife died a few months ago, and due to health problems he has to use a walker. Because he’s unable to go out and get mail from his mailbox down by the edge of his yard, he arranged it with the post office so that a mailman (fuck using the term "postal carrier") would deliver it to the mailbox by his front door. Well of course several times already my mailbox has had letters addressed to this guy, but that’s not a big surprise. There have been times in the past where I’ve received letters from other people on the block in my mailbox, and my neighbors have received letters addressed to me in their mailboxes. Considering the amount of mail the post office deals with on a daily basis, I try to cut this organization some slack where I can (although there are a number of things that I do like to bitch about regarding this organization). On Wednesday I normally receive some local discount publication called a PennySaver in my mailbox. For those that don’t know, a PennySaver is like one of those "free bargain circulars" you find at a grocery story or Wal-Mart where people can pimp their used goods for free or for a nominal fee. I don’t read this thing, but it always shows up in my mailbox on Wednesdays. This past Wednesday it didn’t. No biggie, I thought. Because Easter Sunday was a holiday, perhaps the post office is working a day late or something due to the volume of mail it got (it's happened before, and it's perfectly understandable). Besides, I normally don’t get anything in the mail on Wednesdays anyway besides that PennySaver. On Thursday there was no mail. OK, this is a little odd. Thursday is also a slow mail day, but to not get any letters asking me re-finance my mortgage for TWO DAYS in a row? Something’s fishy. Friday: Yep, no mail. Now something is up. I made plans to call the post office Monday and find out what’s going on; I’m not even going to try and sort this out with a person who’s working at the post office on a Saturday. Trust me, if you have an issue with your local mail provider, DO NOT put your hopes in the staff workers who are there on a Saturday. That's like going to a Quickie Mart in order to complain to the third-shift employee about the poor customer service you received earlier that day. This morning, I asked the better half if we got any mail and she said “nope.” Great. When I went out to get my Sunday newspaper, I pick up the same publication for my other neighbor who is also unable to get her mail. (She’s the wife of the now deceased groundhog-killing neighbor.) As I went to get her paper to put it on her doorstep I figured what the hell and looked into the mailbox of this vacant house across from my residence to see if the mailman put my mail in this piece of shit. Oh you got to be kidding me. Not only was my mail in there from the past few days, but there were also several letters addressed to that old guy I talked about in the first paragraph of this entry. And this is what our tax money is going toward? Hell, these people want to INCREASE postage yet again in order to pay for their employee’s bloated salaries and health benefits. Now you might be thinking to yourself, “kkk, maybe all the mailboxes on your street look alike. Maybe someone stole your mail and put it there.” I’m squashing these possibilities right now. The numerals to my street address are “239.” I have lived at this place since 2004. My mailbox’s look and its location haven't changed during this time. Also, included in this stack of mail is another flyer-thingy that I get every Friday, which gets folded up a particular way so that it surrounds my other correspondence for that day, too. If someone would have went through my mail for that day, the flyer would have been all out of whack and I could have been able to tell that someone was looking through my stuff. Finally, a while back my groundhog-killing neighbors had trouble with their mail delivery and they were finding their postal correspondence in the same dilapidated mailbox. And just to show you the difference between where the mailman is supposed to deliver my mail and where this government worker actually ended up doing so, here is a picture of my mailbox. I hope the “239” isn’t tough for you to find. I guess the fact there isn’t another mailbox next to mine because my neighbor is supposed to have his mail delivered to him at his doorstep is throwing off the government worker. Then again, it was the POST OFFICE who told my neighbor that if he wanted his "doorstep" service, then he would have to take down his curb-side mailbox. OK, now here’s the mailbox I found my most of my recent correspondence in, along with that of my semi-shut-in neighbor. And they want us to pay, starting in May of this year, 41 cents for sending out a first-class letter.

1 p.m. • Guess the bird's biological clock was ticking. 12:30 p.m. • So last night I was watching the NHL playoffs on Versus and I heard that the NHL reseeds its playoff tree every round, making my playoff predictions from a few days ago a moot point. What kind of hippie shit is this? I have no idea when the NHL started doing this. They could have done this from the get-go back when they went from divisional opponents for the first two rounds to conference seedings; I've said that I don't pay much attention to this kind of stuff. Since I'm on the subject, I don't like the automatic reseeding. Having just learned the NHL does this, it appers the NBA doesn't. Good. There's just something lame about reshuffling playoff brackets after each round. Let the chips fall where they may. If a conference's top seed has to play a fourth-seeded team while the second-seeded team gets to play a six-seeded team, then so be it. Nevertheless, here are my reseeded playoff picks. My first-round picks and comments are unchanged from my first entry. (1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders – that one guy from Edmonton got traded over to New York for a playoff push and cried. Buffalo’s good. Buffalo in 5. (2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay – Martin Brodeur is still doing his thing. It’s nice to have a good goalie this time of year. Devils in 5. (3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers – I have no clue who is on Atlanta’s team. The Rangers have Jagr. Rangers in 6. (4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh – I’ve heard some sports people say this could be the best first-round series of the lot. Uh, yay. Ottawa never seems to win in the postseason. The Penguins haven’t been to the postseason for a few years. I dunno. Senators in 7. (1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary – I’m sure Detroit’s pissed at losing in the first round last year. Detroit in 5. (2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota – I have nothing. Ducks in 6. (3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas – Mike Modano is still playing? Sweet. Stars in 6. (4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose – The Sharks got Joe Thornton last season from the Bruins. Wait a second, Nashville traded for Petr Forsberg this year. Nashville in 7. Second Round: (1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5. (4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6. (1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5. (4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7. Third Round. (1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5. (4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7. Stanley Cup. (1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6. Wow, my playoff tree has changed quite a bit. Do I think this will happen? Probably not. But if it does, I can come back to this and go, "OMG do you see how lame reseeding is?" 9:15 a.m. • This joke is too easy, even for me. • The better half went to her niece’s talent show last night. Why didn’t I go? Figure it out. Actually, I did ponder tagging along, but then I heard tickets had to be reserved in advance. On top of that, there was a fight at the in-laws’ house before the show when the brother-in-law told the mother-in-law she needs to throw out the meth-addict niece-in-law. And people wonder why I stay home. Anyway, from what I heard of this “talent show,” I was first encouraged by the state of my local government school. Apparently, there was these two girls who went up and sang a song about JESUS CHRIST~! Good for the school for allowing this to happen. I’m just curious to know if any faggot parents are going to complain about this egregious violation of church/state separation, because you know that if one student out of 100+ sings about Jesus, that means the school will be forcing the children to read hymns the next day. While I give a thumbs up for letting two kids sing about religion, I then heard what else happened at this government school. No talent act was to be more than two minutes. TWO MINUTES? And just what would have happened if some kid went over their allotted time – a big cane moves across the stage and yanks him or her off by the neck? They also gave trophies for all the participants at the end of the show. Now I’m not going to go “OMG everybody’s a winner/no competition will make our kids spoiled” over this, because the eternal optimist in me is hoping these were just fancy certificates of participation or something. However, trophies? My old man likes to tell a story of my one little-league team (well, actually it was the league before little-league, where the coaches pitched to the kids, but whatever) where in the end-of-season tournament we played like a well-oiled machine against this other team and crushed them. We were destined for great things, like winning the division title, or whatever the hell it was. Then our team had to sit and watch as the opponents we just whipped got to receive their near-last-place trophies. According to my old man, everyone on my team went, “What? They got trophies?” and we tanked the next game, getting our “You don’t suck as bad as the first-round losers” trophies to display in our rooms. From there, my baseball career went rapidly downhill, and my old man would never have dreams of being parent to a major-league ballplayer. Gone were his dreams of sitting at Three Rivers Stadium/PNC Park yelling from the bleachers at me because I was putting too much weight on my left foot when I swung at off-speed pitches.

When we had to hand-feed Shadow, half of his special diet ended up on the floor, where Dessa would gladly help out by eating it.

I read your post at the other place. Sad news indeed.

Even though I echo all the anti-tattoo posts in this thread, I love your Jason picture. Get one of Freddy on your other arm.

7 p.m. • If you haven’t read today’s comment section, it looks like one of Vern’s cats will probably be passing away soon. It’s always a sad feeling when one of your pets dies, especially if he/she/it has been part of your life for a long time. Even though my three aren’t quite ready for the old feline's home, they are starting to get up there in age. Dessa is 8, JJ is 7. And while Max is probably only 4 or 5 years old, he has a few conditions that will probably shorten his life. As I’ve said before, back in 2004 our household had one kitty by the name of Shadow who died after we took him in as a stray just three years prior. While he was just with us for only a short time, he more than made his fair share of memories in our household, including this one I talked about last year. And yes, the guy Shadow clawed up is the same “Mr. Sterile” that’s in line for a promotion to full-time janitor. With all that being said, here are some pics of Shadow, which were taken when we lived in Ohio. The last image when Shadow is telling JJ to step off is probably my favorite one of him, and it brings to mind a funny story. When we first moved back to Pennsylvania, we rented a duplex from my hero who employs his daughter at a shit wage and charges her rent for living in his basement apartment. Our duplex had a pretty large unfinished basement, and this was a popular hangout for Dessa, JJ and Shadow. JJ would always go down there and cry, which meant he wanted some company from his little brother. Sure enough, within seconds, Shadow would head on down to their clubhouse. Of course, many times they would end up wrestling down there, and let's just say JJ is more a lover than a fighter, which is funny because he is quite powerful (especially when he's trying to get away during his bathtime). Pretty soon the better half and I would hear JJ shrieking and screaming from the basement, and when we’d make our way downstairs JJ and Shadow would be in a stand-off with both tails puffed out and mounds of gray (read: JJ’s) fur on the floor. Dessa, of course, would have to see what was going on, and this always resulted in more growling/hissing (Dessa has never cared much for her brothers, no matter who they were). After a few squirts of a water bottle, everyone would scatter like roaches from light. Of course, minutes later JJ would go back down in the basement and start crying once again. And sure enough, we’d then see Shadow scamper across the living room on his way back to their very own Fight Club. Hope this helps, Vern. 11 a.m. • Well I hope they bring this asshole to justice. The GOVERNOR was probably not wearing his seat belt?! I certainly hope he has to pay the fine associated with this intentional law-breaking. Click-it or Ticket, buddy. It's bad enough the esteemed governor of my state takes my nickname of "Fast Eddie" to a whole new level... ... and now we have another official wanting us to do as they say and not as they do.

And all of the worthwhile Cubans are sailing over on inner tubes. Let the rest of them stay put.

Still no, because the crap island we replace Hawaii with will probably be poorer.

7:30 p.m. • So you mean to tell me you fuckin with a bald-headed, ol' fat, lumpy, droopy, crack baby look-a-like, cisco drinkin, loud, ignorant, fucked-up teeth, stank hoodrat, won't down, once-a-month bleedin, butthead swap-meet, AFDC, leaned-over tennis shoe, cigarette BUTT baggin bitch? Nigga what's wrong wit you? 6:45 p.m. • LOL Wait ... what?!?! You got to be shitting me. Crystal Gail Mangum won't be facing chargers. Just who does Crystal Gail Mangum think she is? That's right, a psycho bitch that will hopefully, by year's end, be found dead in a ditch covered with blood and cum stains with enough different DNA samples that could fill Madison Square Garden. 6:30 p.m. • OK, before anyone assumes otherwise, let me assure you – I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. Before I begin, we need to take a time machine back to last July when I said the following. Let’s set the scene. I was at a cookout of the family of a friend of the better half. OK, here we go: The other night we got an update on this loving couple. I’ll call the wife “Amy” and the husband “Dave.” Late last week, when Amy got her most recent bi-weekly paycheck, she went to deposit it at an ATM. When her deposit slip shot out, she noticed that the account was $600 overdrawn – and that was AFTER she made her deposit. Naturally, she was more than curious as to what was going on. She got a transaction sheet and noticed that there was a really, really big withdraw to the account that went to pay off a credit card this couple owns. She got a transaction record of this credit card and discovered the following. 1) A bill for a round-trip airline ticket to and from Australia. 2) A bill for two a two-week stay at a nearby hotel. Figure it out. Needless to say, Amy is getting a divorce attorney. Oh, and Amy just found out that Dave quit his job in November and they have been without health insurance for the last four months. Did I mention Amy is a diabetic? Now while I could understand to some degree Amy not knowing right away about her lesser half’s employment situation – she works a first-shift job while Dave’s job was second-shift, so he could just leave the house and shack up with chicks from Down Under until his make-believe shift was over – I can’t for the life of me wonder how she couldn’t notice something was odd when his PAYCHECKS weren’t BEING DEPOSITED in their BANK ACCOUNT. But whatever, it’s not my life. Oh, yeah. When Amy confronted Dave on all of this, his only response so far has been to accuse Mrs. kkk’s friend of trying to break them up. How was the better half’s friend doing this? By going out socially with Amy and trying to hook her up with guys. How dare these two bitches go out in public. But you want to know my favorite part of this story? Let me go back to last year’s entry. Due to her recent life situation, Amy has moved in with the better half’s friend. And what is the father of Mrs. kkk’s friend doing? He’s increasing his daughter's rent by $200 per month. Have I mentioned lately how much in awe am I of this guy?

Well, we're already stuck with them. I've never known an Old Glory with something other than 50 stars.

Quit whining you commie. The only thing more American than our National Pastime is making money off of it. Do they at least have those wacky promotions, or are they getting Jewed out, too?

6 p.m. • The NHL playoffs are just hours away, so it’s time to make some pickkks. Let’s see, the only NHL players I recognize are those that played in the early 1990s. Oh this should be fun. (1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders – that one guy from Edmonton got traded over to New York for a playoff push and cried. Buffalo’s good. Buffalo in 5. (2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay – Martin Brodeur is still doing his thing. It’s nice to have a good goalie this time of year. Devils in 5. (3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers – I have no clue who is on Atlanta’s team. The Rangers have Jagr. Rangers in 6. (4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh – I’ve heard some sports people say this could be the best first-round series of the lot. Uh, yay. Ottawa never seems to win in the postseason. The Penguins haven’t been to the postseason for a few years. I dunno. Senators in 7. (1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary – I’m sure Detroit’s pissed at losing in the first round last year. Detroit in 5. (2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota – I have nothing. Ducks in 6. (3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas – Mike Modano is still playing? Sweet. Stars in 6. (4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose – The Sharks got Joe Thornton last season from the Bruins. Wait a second, Nashville traded for Petr Forsberg this year. Nashville in 7. Second Round: Buffalo beats Ottawa in 6. Jersey beats Rangers in 4. Detroit beats Nashville in 7. Anaheim beats Dallas in 5. Third Round. Jersey beats Buffalo in 7. Detroit beats Anaheim in 6. Stanley Cup. Detroit beats Jersey in 6. Can’t wait to see how off I am with these. 1 p.m. • Don't you know that distributing hot cross buns is one of the worst things you can do to Muslim male? Uh, um. Well, I guess it's not. One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns. 11:30 a.m. • Not allowing a Coretta Scott King portrait at the Georgia State Capitol. It's a lot like Hitler Imus. 10 a.m. • Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: #10 - Have to sit upright while driving. #9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat. #8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music. #7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time. #6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr. #5 - Police cars on track interfere with race. #4 - No passenger seat for the Ho. #3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition. #2 - When they crash their cars, they bail and run. #1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.

For the same reason you choose to go on living rather than slipping into a warm bath with open wrists -- because not doing so will make others around you happier. Oh, by the way. Then again, I can understand your faux pas -- I'm sure it can be difficult keeping track of holes when your old man has you face down in a pillow.

Two of my three wouldn't even try to attempt that. Dessa would have a chance.

Don't forget over here. There's plenty of room.

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 31: Meatwad When it comes to smart-ass replies, you can’t beat my Meat. I don’t think this chap likes me very much, but fuck it; this isn’t kkk’s Top 103 Posters That Like Him. If that was the case, my list would have to be whittled down quite a bit. But this is kkk’s Top 103 Posters, and important subjects like this can't be taken lightly. Sure he hates the term “better half,” which would probably put me in his doghouse just as if he hated the words "hippie," "commie" and "I like it in my ass fast and hard." He also has a never-ending arsenal of quips regarding my frugality. But here’s what I like about Meat: When he makes fun of you, he usually does a good job, as shown here at the other place. Oh well, it may have done nothing for you, but it made me laugh. And in the end that’s all what really matters now, isn’t it? And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed. From Black Lushus: From Carnival: From Cancer Marney: 8:15 p.m. • cBS, lol. 8 p.m. • Over in Smues’ blog, he references a little brouhaha regarding Jackson Hewitt and their Jewing the government out of some cash. A few days back I was thinking of posting this story because I had an experience with these people a few years back but I didn’t feel like typing it out. Now I do. Back in Ohio I didn’t feel like doing my taxes one year so I decided to go to one of these tax places and just get it over with; previously I had just used TurboTax when it went on sale for $2, which also included a bunch of rebates. But I didn’t care this year; I just wanted to plop down and be told by some temp accountant how much I overpaid the government. I thought it would be that easy, yes. No. When I came in to the Jackson Hewitt store, I was assigned to this black guy who was gong to give me the hook up, or something like that. This guy was a dickhead to me the whole time, with condescending remarks concerning my desire not to donate $1 to the hippie public election fund thingy, along with a few other similar stupid issues. When it came time to do the actual transaction, he got a confused look on his face and told me that I couldn’t file because I needed to provide a copy of last year’s return. Wha-? Yeah. Exactly. He told me that I needed to provide him with all this other information, and with that I left, went straight to the nearest big-box retail store to get TurboTax. When I got home, this guy left a message on my answering machine saying that I didn’t need all that other information and that if I returned we could file my return. Well I did file my return the next day, but I did it in the comfort of my residence. And while I’m on this subject, I HATE hearing people bitch about having to file their taxes this time of year. You get W-2s and all that other shit in January/February. You have more than TWO MONTHS to do this. Have there been years when I filed on April 15? Yes. Did I bitch about having to do this? No. Know what I did? I FILED EARLIER THE NEXT YEAR. Actually, I’m lying. It took me a couple of years to get my lazy ass in gear. Sometimes it takes me a while to let it sink in. Ain’t nothing wrong with that as long as you know you’re a fuck up. 11:30 a.m. • I don't frequent the wrestling folders here, so it may already be a "hot topic" at TSM, but I heard this on Atlanta's WSB-AM this morning and had to laugh. And, regarding the third-to-last paragraph, WSB has been noting that Gilberti used to wrestle in WCW as "Disco Inferno." I guess the only thing worse than being known as the "guy who used to be the Disco wrestler" is when the media don't consider what you used to do for a living, in a profession where publicity is critical, as newsworthy.

Don't forget the Japs. And who is this Jackie Something-or-other?' I saw this segment on ESPN Sunday where they went to some black college talking about this issue. Talk about funny.

8:15 p.m. • Time for another pic of the kids. It's Max. There are pumpkins on the coffee table. Max is on the coffee table. That's all I got. Interestingly enough, JJ is terrified of pumpkins, and when we get them every October he flees in terror. *shrug* 8 p.m. • I’ve always said that bitches will be the death of you. Reading this story reminded me of an instance in high school where this one guy named James dated this Rachel chick for a while. I guess you could say they were the pre-goth crowd, although they weren’t nearly as “extreme” as the all-white/black hair and make-up freaks are today. I’d classify them more as “alternatives.” How far in-between the evolution scale are we talking about regarding Goths and alternatives? If we were going by the dinosaur scale, here’s how it would go. If Goths are Triceratopses… ... then James and Rachel would have been Protoceratopses. . Get it? Got it? Good. Anyway, for one reason or another Rachel dumped James. And what did James do? He went to the wall where he painted “Rachel + James” and removed the vertical line so that it read “Rachel – James.” Was pretty funny, actually. 6 p.m. • Regardless of what you think of Don Imus’ “nappy headed hos” remark regarding the women’s Rutgers college basketball team, this is probably the funniest thing to come out the whole ordeal. Poo-Face wants “lines drawn” in regards to media speech? The same race-baiting poverty pimp that got a $345,000 defamation suit against him for what he said regarding the Tawana Brawley hoax? The same race-baiting poverty pimp that did the following back in 1995? You’re good, Poo-Face. Real good. No go have your wife feed you lots of eggs and butter so you can die early like many black men do, of heart disease. Well, that’s how I feel. Oh, dear. Did I say something RACIST? No, I’m just quoting Julianne Malveaux, a black female columnist, and what she said about Clarance Thomas back in the day.

I didn't bother with that division-winner-plays-a-worse-seed-with-a-better-record shit. I'm sure that can be an entry unto itself.

6:30 p.m. • I’m not a huge golf fan, but I don’t hate on the sport. In fact, whenever one of the “big” tournaments is on I watch some of it if I’m in the mood. I just had the Masters on and Tiger Woods hit his second shot on Hole 17 into a sand trap. CBS’ audio picked up him saying, “Honestly, what the hell just happened.” LOL. I love Tiger. And that Zach guy who is probably going to win this year said to a reporter guy that Jesus was with him out there with him today. Right. It’s Easter Sunday and Jesus decided to hang out with you on the golf course. 4:30 p.m. • The NHL is wrapping up, and that means its second season, the Stanley Cup playoffs, will be starting soon. The cool thing about the NHL playoffs is that it seems anything can happen, and many times it does. Unlike, in my opinion, the NBA playoffs, just about any seeded team can make a serious run. Take for example the Edmonton Oilers last year. After almost not getting into the postseason, the number-eight seed came within one game of winning the Stanley Cup. Below are the last seven seasons and the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals matchups. The bracket numbers are the seedings of each team. 2005-2006: Hurricanes (2) d. Oilers (8) 4-3 2004-2005: ------------ 2003-2004: Lightning (1) d. Flames (6) 4-3 2002-2003: Devils (2) d. Ducks (7) 4-3 2001-2002: Wings (1) d. Hurricanes (3) 4-1 2000-2001: Avalanche (1) d. Devils (1) 4-3 1999-2000: Devils (4) d. Dallas (2) 4-2 Below are the NBA Finals matchups during this same span. 2005-2006: Heat (2) d. Mavericks (4) 4-2 2004-2005: Spurs (2) d. Pistons (2) 4-3 2003-2004: Pistons (3) d. Lakers (2) 4-1 2002-2003: Spurs (1) d. Nets (2) 4-2 2001-2002: Lakers (3) d. Nets (1) 4-2 2000-2001: Lakers (2) d. 76ers (1) 4-1 1999-2000: Lakers (1) d. Pacers (1) 4-2 How many top seeds in each league made it to the finals of their respective sport: NBA 5, NHL 4. Number two seeds: NBA 6, NHL 3. Number three seeds: NBA 2, NHL 1. Number four seeds: NBA 1, NHL 1. Number five-eight seeds: NBA 0, NHL 3. Eh, that doesn’t really validate my point. Let’s see what other numbers I can manipulate. I know, let’s see how many upsets were in each round of playoff competition during this time. Because the NHL didn’t play during the 2004-2005 season, I’m discounting that year’s NBA playoffs, too. (In that year there was a 3/6 seed upset, a 4/5 seed upset and two second- and third-round upsets. First-round upsets: 8s defeating 1s: NBA 0, NHL 3 7s defeating 2s: NBA 0, NHL 7 6s defeating 3s: NBA 3, NHL 4 5s defeating 4s: NBA 4, NHL 2 Second- and Third-round upsets: NBA 14, NHL, 12 Total upsets in First, Second and Third rounds: NBA 21, NHL 28. I still don’t know if this validates what I said above, but it’s interesting nevertheless -- especially since there have been more first-round 1/8 upsets than 4/5s in the NHL.