kkktookmybabyaway

What happens to the clubs that get jilted? Do they dissolve or just become indys? I think there's a Washington County team that's like that (the Wild Things).

How often to minor-league teams change affiliates like that?

• I’ve told my Madeline story before at TSM, but this article brought back memories of my employment at the theater, which also happened to be a member of the National Amusements family. One afternoon I was working the afternoon cashier shift. I think it was a holiday of some sort (Memorial Day if I had to guess), and this usually means the early afternoon shows would be overrun with children. However, I was working the cashier position, so my dealing with juveniles was kept to a minimum. I could tell though that there were a lot of kids, and many of them were to see this Madeline movie. If you don’t know who Madeline is, it’s a set of books about some girl who lives at a finishing school (the movie had her as an orphan) and gets into all these wacky adventures with the other children. I’ve never heard of this character, but I guess it was popular among certain sects of kids, so who am I to judge. Anyway, I noticed that there were quite a number of children dressed up as characters from the books... ...and I even saw some camera flashes going off. Everything seemed normal enough, but when I ventured out into the lobby for my 2 p.m. break I knew something was wrong because my co-workers had a “I can’t believe what just happened” look on all of their faces. I approached one and asked what happened. Turns out our manager had accidentally played the wrong reel of film in one of our theaters. Let me elaborate a bit. Many times at my former place of employment we would show two movies in a theater during the course of a day. Generally, if we had a movie that was geared specifically toward kids (Air Bud, Mr. Magoo, etc.) they would be played for the 1 p.m., 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. shows, while the evening times would feature a more adult-oriented film. Well, the auditorium playing Madeline was one such example. Madeline was to be shown for the afternoon times with another movie for the 7 p.m., 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. times. Turns out our manager inserted a reel for the evening film rather than the Madeline reel. And just what did an auditorium full of children watch for the first 5-10 minutes? Yep. According to the one usher, a man came out of the Madeline theater and said “Is someone supposed to be peeing in Madeline?” (I haven’t seen the first part of Baseketball, so I’m not sure if this is indeed what happens in the opening of this movie. Nevertheless, that's what I was told.) And, if memory serves, that showing of Madeline was a near-to-complete sell-out. Nice.

Bauer Mackie

Wilbon said it regarding Don Imus and his desire to get staff workers on his radio show who would make "nigger jokes," or something of that nature. I'm still not in mode over it. Now if Tony Reali would say to Michael Smith, "Quit whining about not getting any points you fucking nigger," then I'd be in mark-out mode.

So?

There was one video which showed a diagram with a guy going from a limp penis to a boner right before vagina insertion, and all the boys in class said "boiiiiing." Other than that, all I remember was staring at the legs of this one chick seated a few rows down from me and wishing they were wrapped around my head. This was in seventh grade, for those keeping score at home.

Where's the beef?

8:30 p.m. • Due to popular demand (Read: one person) asking for additional pics of the kids, here we go: This one features JJ guarding the computer desk. Featured in this photo are a Godzilla cup holder from Taco Bell back in the 1990s when they tried to give Godzilla a make-over. Being how I am Godzilla > King Kong, I actually looked forward to the movie at the time until I actually watched it at the theater. Even though I didn't like what they did with my favorite lizard, I'm not going to badmouth it as much as some other people do. They tried something different. It flopped. I moved on. Also featured is some pre-paid cell phone that I haven't re-added minutes to in several years and has been disconnected. Why I got this as a birthday gift is beyond me. I don't get any calls on the land-line; why in the hell would I want to remember another phone number? Sorry, but I'm not paying $20 every three months for minutes just so I can call Mrs. kkk at the store to let her know her garlic-flavored pita shells are out of stock and to find out what other flavor she wants instead. Bitch, you'll get the plain flavor and like it. Oh, and the sheets of paper above JJ on the shelf? Those are the score sheets I used for kkk Bowl IV. He's also plopped on a Madden '93 instruction manual for the Sega Genesis. 5:45 p.m. • So I was watching Around the Horn today and the "Out of Bounds" segment featured a "serious" discussion on Imus' comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team. It was "serious" because no points were distributed. You know it's serious when that happens. So I waited with baited breath for Pardon the Interruption because I was sure there would be a segment talking about the same thing. I was right. Wilbon didn't disappoint with his "he's a bigot" talk (and I actually don't blame him on this one), but Kornhiser was a riot by defending him and saying that he used to appear on that radio show and how Imus brings in political figures like John McCain. Good thing Imus didn't say the sports media overhyped the Rutgers team because they wanted to see a team made up mostly of black players succeed, huh Tony? 2 p.m. • Oh man, this story made for a fun ride home from work yesterday. Better Half: “Did you hear that story of the signs that said ‘honk once for Jesus…’” Me: “…and twice for Satan. Yeah. What about it? Guess how many times I would have honked?” BH: “Twice.” Me: “Yes, because I love Jesus twice as much as you do.” BH: *Starts bitching about something that I can’t remember.* Me: “What’s wrong with saying that you love Satan? Jesus said to love everyone.” BH: “But Satan’s evil.” Me: “So? Jesus said everyone. I think I just found a loophole in this whole Christianity thing.” BH: “I hate you.” Me. “But yet you married me. See, Jesus was right when he said you should love everyone.” I’m just glad she didn’t counter with something like “'love' isn’t the same as 'marriage'” because then I would have had to concede the round. 1:45 p.m. • I didn't bother reading the article, I just laughed at the headline. Of course the Poor will suffer most. They're poor. We needed a report to make us aware of this? You know, with the amount of money spent to create this report, that loot could have went to the Poor. So I guess that the Poor have suffered the most from reading this Climate Report. Then again, they didn't actually read it because the Poor can't afford computers and Internet service. 12:15 p.m. • Ah, nuts. I heard this story a while after it happened, so I'm sure the Billy Fudge-Packer jokes have already been spent. If you PC homos want to get offended at someone, get offended at the dictionary. This reminds me of the great niggardly escapade that happened a while ago. Why don't you bitches picket outside of Big Dictionary offices and demand to have these mean words stricken from the English language? Wait a second, I didn't know about this part. Continuing the Wikipedia entry from above. So in this game of "Who is Offended More?" we have Gays vs. Blacks: the unstoppable force vs. the immovable object, the Beast of the East vs. the Best of the West. So I guess it's safe to say that Howard didn't fag out over the niggardly fiasco. Well, he may have fagged out later that night, but that's neither here nor there. And after all he went through I at least hope he got to be that evening's starting pitcher, unless he thinks it's better to receive than give.

9 p.m. • Now this is real fucked up... ...Imus is still alive? 8:30 p.m. • I don't care what anyone says, this guy can coach my team anytime. I wouldn't be looking for any work in the media or banking industries either, Mike. 2 p.m. • Rush just said, "I believe half of what I see, none of what I hear." If you can't figure it out by now, then don't bother. 9:30 p.m. • From this Web site's About Us section. The "Despises" section is great. I'm so getting this shirt. 8 a.m. • Do I really need to say anything else? :lol: :lol: 7:30 a.m. • So there's a new SOMETHING-WING RADIO channel in Shittsburgh, and all I can say is alrighty then. 93.7 the Zone: Shittsburgh's MAN STATION. Opie and Anthony 6-9 a.m. John Steigerwald 9-10 a.m. (local guy who used to/may still write about sports) Dennis Miller 10 a.m.-1 p.m. John McIntire 1-4 p.m. (local liberal weenie) Scott Paulsen 4-7 p.m. (local FM DJ) Dave Dameshek 7-10 p.m. (No clue) Loveline 10 p.m.-1 a.m. John & Jeff 1-6 a.m. Oh, yeah. This will be around long.

Well she becomes a bitch when we're lost, plus this is the week before that time of the month for her, and she becomes a bitch anyway during this time. I'm happy to say that she went out and got an at-home test because less than three hours after her announcement she became tired of my pregger jokes, especially after my joke at the grocery store where we saw a knocked up chick with one kid already in hand and I said something like, "that'll be you in a few years." The kid was bi-racial. The test came back negative.

A Christmas Story" and "Porky's"?

8 p.m. Happy birthday to me… So, as usual, at 1 p.m., two hours before my workday ends, I get a call from a co-worker informing me that I have 500+ quarterly annuity statements/envelopes to stuff. Jesus fucking Christ, all I ask is that I get some heads up on this shit. You know, assholes, I actually have a job to do and I *gasp* plan out my schedule of when I do stuff, unlike you dumbfucks. At my job’s last quarterly board of directors meeting, which I couldn’t attend due to granny’s funeral, a shit storm was raised when I included I my report all the fucking envelopes I was told to stuff, among other stupid tasks that I should not be doing. I wish I could have been there when several directors asked my idiot bosses why someone in my position was stuffing envelopes when I'm being paid to do other projects. Of course, when I came back to work I had a meeting to discuss this matter. “In your report you said that you were ‘told’ to stuff envelopes.” “Was ‘stuffing envelopes’ part of my job duties when I was hired?” “No.” “Then how would I otherwise go about stuffing envelopes at this place unless someone told me to do so?” *crickets chirp* Thank God I'm two floors away from these people. Happy birthday to me… So I picked up the better half from her job and went about our merry way home. Then there was the accident. From what I could make out, some van crashed into a car in this sorta-residential area. Three ambulances, four cop cars and a fire truck sealed off the usual way home, so we had to improvise with an alternate route. Problem is we had no idea where the hell we were going. When I get into these situations, I just drive around until I see something familiar. Man, I thought I was in hippie hell before. The part of Shittsburgh we drive through on the way home has “Books Not Bombs” and “John Kerry” bumper stickers on the back of cars. But now we were going even deeper into the belly of the beast, where bikeways ride alongside streets where liberal soccer moms drive their SUVs with bumper stickers that read, “My other car is a PAT bus.” Of course, we ended up in some construction area where two lanes of road become one, and 1+ mile of blocked off roads precede a 20-foot area where construction workers are standing around trying to look busy. Finally, some signs pointing us in the right direction were found and in what usually is an hour’s drive turned into two. All because some dickhead was not paying attention to where he or she was driving. Happy birthday, kkk… During this drive o’ fun, the better half was acting like a bitch. Now this is usual because whenever she gets lost driving she tenses up. Why she does this, I stopped trying to figure out. Then again, if you have to spend any additional time with me in a confined space, you might be a little anxious as well. After asking what her problem was for the umpteenth time, she finally said… Happy birthday to me. “Remember that prescription cough medicine I took? The asshole pharmacist didn’t bother to tell me it would mess with my birth control pills.”

And why does does the field have a logo of an orange and not something grape-juice related? (Look toward the top right of the picture.) RACISM I tell you.

Are you two going to take dance lessons for your first swing, or will you be donig the seventh-grade hip-sway?

Houston's going to be in even more trouble once the weather starts getting hot and the black players really start to shine. No wonder ESPN hired Racist Dusty as a commentator. I hope the Pirates enter their home opener undefeated and then go on to stink up the joint, dashing the dreams of the hometown fans yet again.

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 32: Hogan Made Wrestling Even though he isn’t up-to-date on all the great white running backs of the NFL, it seems we both share an affection for Baldur’s Gate. (The PC game with Minsc and Boo, not the console version. Both games are solid in their own ways, but I lean toward Shadows of Amn.) He also shares an affinity with me for hating poor white trash. However, he doesn’t seem to care much for blogs, which makes me wonder what the hell he’s doing on this list in the first place. And talk about the power of premonition: from a post of mine in that “blog” thread I mentioned above. 6:30 p.m. • OK. So I see this article on the wires. No biggie. I wouldn't have even given this a second thought. After all, people are a crazy lot. However, below that article was this one. Here was my favorite part. And speaking of Valium, my out-of-control niece in law showed up for orientation at her hostess job that will probably last less than two weeks. She was with a few other people, and one of them is also a recovering drug addict who asked her, "So you're on methadone, too?" Well, that's one place I'll never eat at again. Pity, and the one time I went there before it was a good enough restaurant. 12 p.m. • So the Frenchies have fast trains. Great, now they can retreat faster than ever before. • The Pirates beat the Astros 4-2 yesterday on Opening Day. But the Bucs were perfect at Minute Maid Park last year -- they didn't win a single game. Gee, maybe this really is year they turn everything around.

a/s/l pic plz.

8:30 p.m. • You cocksuckers asked for my address, phone number, social security number, mother's maiden name, shoe size and blood sample the last time I stopped in to get some batteries and this is what you do with all that information? • You know, if I won $150k from the lottery or inheritance (now that's a funny one; I'd need 150,000 relatives to die and leave me everything), the sensible part of me would use this money to pay off the house and Mrs. kkk's school loan. But that was before I read this. When I was a kid I had my picture taken with KITT at a car show. (Or at least that's what I was told when my mom paid the $5 for the photo. It was a black car with that red flashy thing. Good enough for me.) Somewhat funny story. When I was in grade school in the early/mid-80s, our class (of less than 10; private school, baby) had some assignment where we had to write where we wanted to live if we had the chance. The catch: it had to be a real place. I can’t remember what I wrote, but my best friend at the time wrote that he wanted to live in “Knight Riderland.” When the teacher asked him where this was he said, “Way far away.” How the hell to I remember this? Oh, and my mom wouldn’t let me watch the A-Team because it was “too violent.” Bitch. 11:15 a.m. • Don't you know that teaching the Holocaust in British schools is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male, err, child? 10 a.m. • So I’m listening to Boortz on his flagship 750-WSB Atlanta this morning via the Internet, and the station just had their sports guy talk about the upcoming Florida/OSU game. Who is this guy? Tony Schiavone. It was weird hearing him describe an event and not use the words, “THIS WILL BE THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT~!!!.”

Good man/woman. (I don't know what gender you are. Sorry.)

8 p.m. • Well, today was my big b-day celebration. Even though I don’t turn the big 3-1 until later in the week, the better half insisted that we do all this birthday shit today because next Sunday would be Easter. So I got my gifts: South Park Season 9 DVD and Ron White’s “You Can’t Fix Stupid” DVD. Not sure why I got the White DVD, but she said that I told her one time he was my favorite out of the four Blue Collar comedians. Uh, OK then. After that it was onto Red Lobster for my yearly ultimate feast. The reason we only go to this place once a year on my birthday is because 1) Mrs. kkk hates seafood, and 2) Mrs. kkk can’t watch me eat shellfish. Frankly, I don’t blame her; it’s not a pretty sight. Exciting stuff, I know. • With the MLB season starting up, many people are giving their predictions. I might as well bust out mine, too. There was a TSM thread started up a while back where people got to pick the over/under on how many games each team will win this season, so I guess that makes sense to do. As an added twist, I challenged that fraud pseudo-baseball expert that uses my oh-so-clever name when commenting on America’s National Pastime. I’m going to post my picks, followed by his, and when the regular season wraps up we’ll see who has the last laugh … bitch. Please note I haven’t bothered to follow any baseball news this off-season (I barely follow it during the regular season), and the only transactions I know are this: The Red Sox got some Jap, and the Angles paid a lot of money for some guy who was just busted for roids. All the picks that we will differ on will be boldfaced in my selections. Al kkk-eiper’s picks: Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER Now that Racist Dusty is gone, I’m rooting for the Cubs to win the World Series. Well, first they have to be mediocre. Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER Houston Astros 78.5 OVER Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER New York Mets 88.0 OVER New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER But they played .500 ball the second half of the season!!! But they’re hosting the ALL-STAR GAME~!!! Wait, that was last year. San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER Al I’m-a-fraud-Keiper’s picks: Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 OVER Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER Baltimore Orioles 73.5 OVER Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER Chicago White Sox 86.5 UNDER Cincinnati Reds 76.5 OVER Cleveland Indians 84.5 OVER Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER Houston Astros 78.5 UNDER Kansas City Royals 67.5 OVER Los Angeles Angels 89.5 OVER Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 UNDER Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 OVER Minnesota Twins 83.5 OVER New York Mets 88.0 OVER New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 OVER San Diego Padres 84.0 UNDER San Francisco Giants 81.5 UNDER Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 OVER Texas Rangers 81.5 OVER Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER Washington Nationals 66.5 UNDER Now we’ll see who the real baseball expert is and who is talking out of his ass. You know, I think I'll take all my over/unders and see how they look when I divide the teams by division NL East New York Mets 88.0 OVER Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER NL Central St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER Houston Astros 78.5 OVER Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER NL West Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER AL East Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER AL Central Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER AL West Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER … Remember when I said this: Yeah, we probably will.

And trade them for Derek Bell. God I love this team.

"Been a carpenter for a living" and "Working as a carpenter for a living" are two different things.

If it makes you feel any better, the passenger door to my '88 Corsica hasn't opened from the outside for seven years. I consider it an anti-carjacking device. Then again, the fact it's an '88 Corsica should be all the anti-carjacking material I need.