kkktookmybabyaway

The beaks gets clipped so not to peck other chickens, or something like that. Not too sure about the toes, but I'd believe it. I read a while back about chickens in Israel that were featherless. Here's a quick Google from Harper's. Sadly, I was already beaten to the punch as to why these birds were naked.

Maybe one of your balls is just blacker than the other.

Awesome story, V-X. When I was a kid my old man kept in close touch with his childhood friend named Bumpy (don't ask). One day we were eating watermelon at my grandma's house and for some reason dad pronounced it ebonic-like, something like "wadda-melon." Well the next time we were at Bumpy's house I said that I wanted some "wadda-melon." My old man didn't speak ebonic-like to me after that (or at least not as much). Bumpy died not too long ago.

BL

Day of the Dead 2? Oh good Christ. 28 Days Later was perfectly acceptable. What will be the third installment -- 28 Months Later?

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 35: Damaramu Everybody’s favorite TSM hoss, Damaramu will be remembered for his many shenanigans, whether they involved his abuse of power as a library security guard, his dilemnas with 16-year-olds or dealing with the loss of his aborted unborn child. While known for his sports-folder meltdowns whenever the Oklahoma Sooners lost a football game, I’ll remember him better as that journalism student who vigorously pursued his dream of writing athlete profiles and game recaps. And speaking of giving, I even sent him a book that I had to buy during my time in journalism school. Basically, it was a bunch of short stories about what some professionals in the field did their first year out of college and looking for work in this competitive industry. Seeing how Damaramu seemed genuine about his desire to be a reporter, and knowing that I will never again open this gay-ass book, I figured what the hell and mailed him this publication. I doubt he actually read any of those stories (I mentioned him this one story in that book I sent and asked if he read it. He said “no.”), but that doesn’t mean anything in regards to if he’ll make it in this crazy world. I only read one or two of those hippie stories, and look how great I turned out. And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed. From Carnival: From SFA Jack: 9 p.m. • And like a good neighbor, State Farm is there ... a year-and-a-half after the fact. Wait a second, I've got State Farm for my auto and homeowner's insurance. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get properly jewed when the time comes, too. 8:30 p.m. • I knew duct tape was good for many things but wart removal? • What a pussy. My three kids gnaw the shit out my hands/arms all the time when I'm playing with them. When we just had Dessa, she used to attack without mercy whenever I was using the computer or when the better half was studying. Did we sue? No. Instead I would give her a kitty treat to go away. Of course, this just conditioned her to scratch and bite until she got her "reward," and once she ate her treat she'd just hop right back onto the desk/table for more. How did I remedy this? Through discipline? Obedience school? No. We just adopted JJ, so Dessa could abuse him instead of us. Poor JJ. 3 p.m. • So at work today our Marketing Director (Head Insurance Salesman) got called in by upper management because someone from our office staff complained about him taking his kid to the doctors last week during "business hours." There's one tiny problem -- the work responsibilities he has speak nothing of what hours he has to be in the office. As the head salesman, he doesn't have to be in the office 40 hours per week, or even 4 for that matter. All that matters is the business he brings in, and when you look at the figures, we nearly doubled out 2006 applications from 2005’s total (of which he started in April of 2005). You don’t even want to know the business he did when compared to 2004’s numbers. And of course nobody from our upper management knew of the Marketing Director’s “office hours,” even though they are the ones who made up the policy and told our Marketing Director of his “required time” in office during his interview! I guess I could also mention all the evening/weekend work he has done out on the road, but I'm still laughing over the first part of this post.

Well then what about the "real" wrestlers? I'm just curious to know how much time is spent preparing for a match 'n stuff.

Swallow gum and it stays in you for a number of years.

8 p.m. • Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here. And defense lawyers wonder why they're so hated. Now why did I post all of that? To get to this. 4:15 p.m. • You know, I don’t play golf, but there have been a few times in the past where I did my thing on a Par 3 course. And by “did my thing” I mean taking a dozen or so shots to get a ball in a hole in the ground. However, this golfing story brought back a childhood memory. I was at a local Par 3 when I was about 12 or so years old with my old man and his live-in girlfriend at the time, along with some other people, I think. Now anytime I do anything with the old man, it almost always results in some stupid fight. Instead of just going out and having a good time, he always “coaches” me on how a professional would go about hitting a shot (or whatever it was we would be doing at the time). This time was no exception. Instead of just enjoying this time, every shot (or whiff) I made was awful/dreadful/a disgrace. Did I mention before that I have probably golfed a Par 3 a dozen times (20 max) in my life? Anyway, I was on this one hole and was on this slop just off the green. I hit the ball and instead of this being the shot of my life, the goddamn ball hit the pin and went in and out of the hole. Sonofabitch. Years later when I was living in Ohio, the old man took me to a driving range where I was being primed to be the next Tiger Woods. Of course I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but that didn’t matter. What I found funny was that the old man was bitching because I was taking too long setting up the balls on the tee and hitting them (or at least attempting to make contact). When I attempted to explain to him that I was making sure my “form” wouldn’t make even a novice golfer cringe, he said, “when you’re out on the course you don’t have time to check your form.” Uh, OK. Hey, I’m not the one who purchased this bucket of golf balls, so I don’t care if I only hit them 10 feet. Memories. • Why do I even watch ESPN? This morning when “Outside the Lines” was on, Bob Ley informed me that John Amaechi, that homo who came out of the closet just long enough to whore his book, has some endorsement deal (with a razor company I think), making him THE FIRST GAY ATHLETE WITH A MAJOR ENDORSEMENT DEAL, or something like that. It was such a retarded statement that even the better half looked up from her medicated semi-coma bout with the flu and commented, “oh who fucking cares already?” Right after “Outside the Lines,” I had the Sports Reporters on, and I must say that as a kid I used to love this show. As I’ve gotten older, the hippie PC garbage I hear out of many of these so-called “experts” makes me roll my eyes. I’m not going to say it wasn’t like this during my youth because I may have just ignored it or something. Anyway, when Jeremy Schaap gave his “parting words” this week, he talked about how great the NCAA Tournament would be if all the players who could be playing college ball right now (Lebron James, some “Gay” guy from Uconn, etc.). Oh fuck you Jeremy. And what would happen if one of these pro-bound players would blow out a knee or rupture an ACL playing an amateur sport that could be fetching them millions of dollars on the open market? Would you write them a check to pay their mortgage? Oh boo-hoo, the March Madness Tournament isn’t as good as it could be. Get over it, douchebag. The games are exciting enough, and those with the ability to provide for their families are already out earning a living in the real world, something many commie college professors are unable to do and have to suck off the taxpayer’s teet. If a Lebron James really wants to get a college degree, he’s more than able to on his own time and on his own dime. So grin and bear it, Jeremy, and deal with the fact you won’t see James and Greg Oden on the same court sporting Ohio State University jerseys. Asshole.

Now, now 2Gold, remember. It's all for the "greater good." I've said it before and I'll say it again, if there is every an issue out there that would make me a "single issue" voter, it's this bullshit.

Well wait four more days and it should go away. Don't forget to change your tampon.

He's king of the burbs, you know.

Since when did you turn into a bleeding vagina?

Well if they can't make adjustments to unfavorable match-ups, then I guess they're not that good to begin with.

9 p.m. KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 36: Vitamin X This may seem like an odd one to some, especially considering how much he queered up this year’s TSM Poster Tournament. Sorry, but I did not dig this hippie bracketing/seeding shit; that was part of the beauty with Chave’s previous efforts. Each round you didn’t know who was matching up against whom. Which poster would you vote for – the one who posts a bunch regarding sports, or that other member who always was good for a laugh in the LSD folder? This season it just seemed, eh. However, like I said earlier, it’s his contest so it’s his rules. He has complained about the postseason process in my NFL pick ‘em league before, and there’s no way I’m changing the way my contest going to be done, so in the end we’re all even-steven. But I guess I’m supposed to say nice things about V-X; well, many of his people value freedom and opportunity. This is evident by them trying to get away from their shit hole of a country some 90 miles off the coast of Florida in the most imaginative ways possible. Ironically though, V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee. But I have a soft spot in my heart for Cubans. I’d take “those people” coming over on homemade rafts made out of kitchen tubs and wooden boards than those African chicks seeking asylum just because their “culture” gave them circumcisions. Oh boo-hoo, someone took out my clit -- just walk it off and get back in the kitchen. Besides, women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex anyway, and if they want to then they just become lesbians. What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. V-X. Wait, did I say anything positive about him? Well, I’m sure someone from my panel will. At least I hope they do or else this selection would seem rather silly. And now a word or four from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed. From Black Lushus: From Carnival: From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: 8:30 p.m. • Well, Pitt won. BOY THEY SURE SHOWED A LOT OF HEART! <{ <{ <{ <{ I'll laugh if they play UCLA in the next round, considering that guy coaching the Bruins used to be the Panthers' head coach. 8:15 p.m. • Pitt basketball -- lol. They are playing VCU in overtime, so I don't know how this game will end, but watching the Panthers collapse in the second half (I think they were up by 19 points at one point) made me laugh. I loved how the announcers just said some guy from Pitt just made a three-pointer and commented on his "heart." This is the same player who missed two free-throws with just seconds left in regulation. Yeah. It also annoys me when sportscasters oftentimes say this about the smallest player on the court/field. "Oh, that so-and-so has got the BIGGEST HEART out there." Oh fuck that shit. So a big person can't have any "heart"? Kiss my ass. Just because God made me taller than my opponent that doesn't mean I slouch in my on-the-court efforts. OK, well maybe I did, but I'm sure there are big people out there that tired harder than their smaller opponents. That sports broadcasting line is almost as annoying as the "Oh, I sure wouldn't want to be facing THAT TEAM in the playoffs." Gag, that line makes me want to stab a person's eyes out. 4:45 p.m. • Mrs. kkk is dealing with a cold, and I had to scoot off to the store for Dayquil and a McDonald’s two cheeseburger value meal (whenever she gets sick, some transfatty fries seem to be just the cure). As I walked into the store I saw a sight that shook me down to my very core while employed in the food-service industry. Several tables filled with children. Unless you served up value meals for an extended period of time, you don’t know what it’s like. Trust me. Waiting on families with young children is the worst fucking thing in this world. Not only are kid’s meals a pain in the ass to prepare but most of the time the parents have no control over their heathen spawn so you have to stand there and try to get their complete order while the soccer mom is trying to round up these little demons. I just thank my lucky stars I was out of this line of work before all those Beanie Baby promotions. Good Christ, I would have killed someone. But I digress. So as I went to the counter I noticed that one line had no customers behind these two guys. I’m pretty good at spotting the quickest line, and I figured that I was fortunate that I entered right when one customer was leaving and I was on the tail end of a line moving up. There were no signs that there were any special orders going down, and there was only one tray by them at the counter. Then I saw two other trays being prepared with about a dozen happy meals being loaded. FUCK. Sometimes you beat the line game. Sometimes the line game makes you its bitch. Oh well, what doesn’t kill me only makes me wiser. And besides, this extended time I spent at the Golden Arches getting the better half’s lunch was well worth it because while I was gone she got a phone call from her mother that made for some interesting meal-time conversation, which I will sum up below. It was bound to happen. The out-of-control niece-in-law had yet another fight with her on/off boyfriend, and to “get back at him” she broke into her crackwhore mother’s Xanax supply, swallowed the stash, smoked some crack (according to her story), drove to her part-time beau’s parent’s house (which is where he was staying for spring break) and caused a ruckus. After my laughter died down from hearing this, I was told that she was eventually rushed to the emergency room due to her overdose and will be headed to the psycho ward for a mandatory 72-hour lockup, or whatever it’s called, after she comes off her high. As the better half was telling me this story, she said something I never thought I would hear in a million years from her. “Boy am I glad I now have your family’s name.” You got to be kidding me. The same kkk family name that I avoid like the plague? The same family that feels a night is wasted if a bar fight isn’t involved? The same family that gave me shit for not wearing a trenchcoat to my grandmother’s recent funeral? This is the family Mrs. kkk is glad to be named after? Then again, when the niece-in-law was cuffed to her hospital bed the police officers in the room took note of the niece’s last name and said that they knew her crackwhore mother. And I guess the new job she was just hired for – hostess at one of those fancy smacny chain restaurants – will be over before it even starts (she was put on this week’s schedule). Such a shame. Truly. As I'm typing this, I got "Night of the Living Baseheads" playing. Awesome.

N*gga plz. I have OSU winning the whole thing and tuned in to the X/OSU game with about 8 minutes to go, saw the score and thought, "Thank God I don't bet money on sports."

8:30 p.m. • So it looks like the Pens will stay in Shittsburgh. Yay, and stuff. If this is what Mario wants, then more power to him. I still wanted them to move for reasons I have stated in the past. I wanted them to win the Stanley Cup and head out to KC right after the post-playoff rally – that would have been funny as hell. • Please keep this story away from Maury Povich. And no, I'm not going to make "Povich already has enough chimps on his babby-daddy shows." Besides, the white couples are much more entertaining. It seems like they actually care about these paternity tests and are too poor to take them any other way -- the black couples just want their 10 minutes on camera and free trip out to the big city. • Can you blame the Japs for not wanting to have sex? With some of the video I've seen on-line I'd be afraid to stick anything near those people -- I might have an eel pop out and chomp on my one-eyed appendage. • Reading this brought back memories. It was just like that bit Sam Kiniosn did back in the day, when during a drive from Needles and Barstow he decided to take a nap behind the wheel. A few years ago I was driving back from Connecticut to Shittsburgh on business, and instead of spending the night and making the drive in the morning I decided that I could make the trip overnight. Of course, my estimated timing took a turn for the worse after a wrong turn or three. While on the PA Turnpike just a few hours or so away from my exit the thought of napping while driving on a straight road seemed appealing. That was when I decided to wind down all my rent-a-car’s windows and singing out loud even though I had no music on. Forget driving in inclement weather, this moment scared the shit out of me. Fortunately I got through without a hitch and I vowed never to test my staying power when driving on the interstate. And while I’m on this subject, to anyone living in the New York/Connecticut area, you will never have to worry about setting up residence there. No offense, but goddamn there are way too many people living there. Then again, I’d rather have you all concentrated over there yonder than moving to my neck of the woods and gaying up my region – we have enough Democrats as it is already.

What's this picking games by round shit? It's March MADNESS!!!

He is mad about me calling him Choken One's biggest fan!

Venkman BL

Your dog doesn't care about her taking his spot on the bed. That's why they're dogs. She is talking about a dog and not using some hippie metaphor/other poetry crap technique, right?

8:45 p.m. • A while back I made a comment to SFA Jack in a PM about if I won the lotto/wasn’t married/etc. and got to move anywhere I wanted to I might go with Texas. It seems like a conservative enough state and it probably won’t get completely overrun with Mexicans until after I’m dead. However, after seeing an episode of “Cops” this evening, I think I might have to amend this statement. Travis County – lol. I may go with Georgia, but it'd have to be away from all the black people. And away from that humidity, too. 8:15 p.m. • Well I had the interview today. Yay, I guess. If I was unemployed I’d probably be sleepless in anticipation of a call back, but I’m over all that shit. I had another, in my opinion, solid interview, where I responded to their questions way better than they did mine. All in all, this place seems like a nice place to work. Just the place for me to enter and queer it all up. Actually, it was funny because I got in early and saw the one chick escorting another candidate for this job out. He must have been the interviewee for that previous hour, and he was leaving at 50 past the hour. When arranging this interview, I was told to expect to be there an hour, so this kid was leaving with 10 minutes to spare. I knew this person wasn’t going to get the job over me. Christ, he didn’t even wear a jacket to the interview and looked like a goddamn slob. I came in, did my thing and left after 80 minutes. Hell, I’ve been on interviews that were supposed to last one hour and ended up being 3-4 hours and I still didn’t get called back, so I don’t normally go by “time spent.” Hell, there have been times when I knew I wasn’t getting the job, but I stayed and asked a buttload of questions just to piss off my interviewer. Hey, you want to waste my time, I’ll waste yours. I should hear back from them next week if I’m getting called back. Will I get called back? Don’t know, don’t care. Like I said earlier, I’ve stopped caring about trying to figure out how I did at an interview. I’ll objectively judge my performance afterward and decide what I did good (did my best to keep in contact with all three interviewers in the room and answered all questions with thorough examples) and what needed improving (I caught myself slouching a few times). One thing that will probably go against me is being “overqualified,” which I find funny because I’ve been on interviews in year’s past when I’ve actually had people tell me all the duties that would be required of this position, and when I address each requirement point-by-point, it was then I got fed the over-qualified line. But it all works out in the end, and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Either that, or sends you to the grave at an early age due to a heart attack. • Que? Elections? Now that's funny. • Over the last few days I’ve been playing my Public Enemy collection, and I must say that for years I have always preferred “Fear of a Black Planet” over “It Takes a Nation of Millions.” However, I think that’s starting to change. I’ve been preferring the PE’s second album in recent listenings over their third effort, and I think it’s going to stay that way for a while – although I’ve always LOVED “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos.” One of my favorite lines: “My plan said I had to get out and break north/Just like with Oliver’s neck/I had to get off.” • Fuck these Jew bastards. Here’s my Bally’s story. When I was 18 I signed up for some hippie plan, and the plan was like $30 per month for a few years, $20 per month for a few years and then $6 per month for LIFE. As the years went by I didn’t go to Bally’s as much due to my college/full-time job schedule and my gym wasn’t open during the times I wanted to work out. But I had the extra money to spend and I figured with that $6 per month for LIFE quickly approaching, what have I got do lose? Apparently, I had $6 per month for LIFE to lose. Oh, did I say $6? I meant $20. The first month after I made my first $6 per month for LIFE payment, I was informed that they were jacking up my LIFETIME PAYMENTS to the level it had previously been at, which around $20, or something like that. Fuck you Bally’s, fuck you right in the ear. Speaking of gyms, I always found it funny that people who went there to get in shape would illegally park in fictional spots next to the gym because they were too lazy to park in the back of a full lot and spend a few minutes WALKING to the front door. • Oh, here’s another PE line I love from “Rebel Without a Pause” that just got played: “From a rebel it’s final on black vinyl/Soul, rock and roll comin’ like a rhino.” And for those that wracked their brain over my question of where did the line, “Now Freeze … Music Please,” come from? “It’s My Thing,” from EPMD’s first album “Strictly Business.” However, I made two faux pas – the “hip-hop” beat I refer to comes after “Music Please,” not before, and the line goes "And then I yell freeze." Man, I bet this cost me some street cred. Whatever, my favorite track on "Strictly Business" has always been "Let the Funk Flow" anyway.

Wrestling question: About how much of your time do you train regarding wrestling moves, and how much is spent in the weight room, etc.?

8:30 p.m. • So I’m getting ready for an interview tomorrow, and I’m going about the business of getting my portfolio ready. Why the hell do I even bother? I can’t remember the last time anyone bothered to even ask for work samples. Of course, if I just go in cold, that’s when the question will be asked. I am generally pretty honest with myself about my chances at a job, and the last few interviews were “eh.” It’s not a big deal – the interviewers themselves were nothing to write home about, and I’m not going to trade one shithole workplace for another. This place I feel has potential. We’ll see tomorrow. 8 p.m. • You know all those polls you hear about and wonder “Where do they come up with these people?” Well, I’m one of these people. I got a Snoozeweek survey person on the phone right now. Oh my God. “Is there progress being made in Iraq?” “Do you approve of the way George W. Bush is handling the economy?” “Did the Bush Administration do a good job handling the Walter Reed hospital scandal or should more people have been fired?” “Do you approve of a) gay marriage, b) civil unions, c) burning these queers at the stake?” Here were my two favorites: “Would someone who was previously married and went through a nasty public divorce influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (My answer: I’d still vote for Rudy.) “Would someone who had a grandfather that had multiple wives influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (My answer: I’d still vote for Mitt over that beast Hitlery.) And then she asked, “Would someone who had a homosexual affair while married influence whether or not you would vote for them?” I said yep. OMG I’M SUCH A HATEMONGER. Too bad that person should have just stayed homo and not started a family because now they are put in the most uncomfortable of uncomfortable positions, and I’m not talking about the backseat of a Volkswagon. I’m surprised they didn’t ask, “Would someone who divorced his wife while she was battling cancer for a younger, more attractive woman influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (BTW: My answer to that would be “yes.” Sorry, Newt.) When the chick thanked me for my time I replied, “Thanks. I can’t wait to see how you skewer these results.” So when the next Snoozeweek poll gets released and you wonder who are those people that think our country is the shizzle, you’re looking at one, baby. Oh, and I said fuck Congressional Democrats when it comes to issuing troop withdrawals.

Black Lushus bob_barron alkeiper CanadianChris