kkktookmybabyaway

Congrats, if this is what you really want. I still call Mrs. kkk "girlfriend" much of the time.

In every family there is at least one sect that gives gifts that make you say “WTF?” And I don’t mean “WTF” in terms of fruitcake or some other equally lame gift. I know I’ve talked about Mrs. kkk’s side of the family on more than one occasion and discussed how some branches of her family tree are … unique. However, there is this couple that I legitimately can’t stand. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but for those who haven’t had the opportunity to learn about this happy family from Day 1, here’s a recap: Mrs. kkk’s one cousin married some near-toothless Mexican who already has several kids from a previous marriage that he does shit with. Both were part-time janitors when they decided to have kids. There’s one problem: the Mexican is sterile, so they went to the clinic to knock the chick up via turkey baster. Please keep in mind that by now they have already claimed bankruptcy once and collect welfare, among other wonderful gimmies from the government. Because kid number one was such a joy, they decided to have another test-tube baby. Oh, and these welfare pros have purchased their own house and have a new car. All on a part-time janitor’s salary. Oh, and the wife works for the State as a “maid.” She gets paid to “clean up” half of her aunt’s house. What she actually does is sit down and watch TV all day. Why did I say “half of her aunt’s house”? Well because another relative is supposed to clean up the other half. While I was over my old man’s house the day before Christmas, the better half went to her aunt’s house, where she ran into this happy family of four. What did they give Mrs. kkk for a Christmas gift? A picture of her car from when it was near-totaled a few years back from some bitch in a SUV plowing into her from behind. Oh, and we got the latest installment of this family’s “newsletter.” Every word/space/etc. has been faithfully restored, except for the text in bold. The names have been changed to protect the pathetic. Or am I just saying that and the names are indeed real? Either way, enjoy.

(2.5) N.Y. Giants at Washington Atlanta at Philadelphia (7.5) Buffalo at Baltimore (9.5) (2.5) Carolina at New Orleans Cleveland at Houston (4.5) Detroit at Dallas (12.5) Green Bay at Chicago (2.5) Jacksonville at Kansas City (2.5) Miami at Indianapolis (9.5) New England at Tennessee (3.5) Oakland at N.Y. Jets (12.5) Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (6.5) Seattle at Tampa Bay (3.5) (2.5) St. Louis at Minnesota Arizona at San Diego (13.5) San Francisco at Denver (10.5) N.Y. Giants (Cartman 7-9) defeated Washington (Human Fly 7-9) 12-8 NYG: NYG/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/KC/MIA/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/28 WAS: NYG/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/17 DIFF: ATL/PHI, DET/DAL, GB/CHI, MIA/IND, OAK/NYJ, AZ/SD, 28/17 Atlanta (King of the 909 12-4) defeated by Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 9-6-1) 7-7 + TB ATL: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/JAX/IND/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/7 PHI: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/CLE/DET/CHI/KC/MIA/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/MIN/AZ/SF/27 DIFF: HOU/CLE, GB/CHI, JAX/KC, IND/MIA, STL/MIN, SD/AZ, 7/27 Buffalo (Bob Barron 9-7) defeated by Baltimore (King PK 7-8-1) 7-9 BUF: NYG/ATL/BAL/NO/CLE/DAL/CHI/JAX/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/DEN/13 BAL: WAS/PHI/BUF/CAR/HOU/DAL/CHI/JAX/MIA/NE/NYJ/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/DEN/21 DIFF: NYG/WAS, ATL/PHI, BAL/BUF, NO/CAR, CLE/HOU, IND/MIA, CIN/PIT, SD/AZ, 13/21 Carolina (Fazzle 5-11) defeated by New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 6-9-1) 4-10 CAR: WAS/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/KC/IND/TEN/NYJ/CIN/TB/MIN/SD/DEN/EP NO: NYG/ATL/BAL/NO/CLE/DAL/CHI/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/XX DIFF: WAS/NYG, PHI/ATL, HOU/CLE, TEN/NE, TB/SEA, MIN/STL, SD/AZ, DEN/SF, EP/XX Cleveland (SFA Jack 12-4) defeated Houston (Bored 7-9) 7-5 CLE: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/KC/MIA/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/MIN/SD/SF/12 HOU: NYG/PHI/BAL/NO/CLE/DAL/CHI/JAX/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/MIN/SD/DEN/20 DIFF: WAS/NYG, BUF/BAL, HOU/CLE, KC/JAX, MIA/IND, SF/DEN, 12/20 Detroit (Bravesfan 11-5) defeated Dallas (Hawk34 5-11) 9-5 DET: NYG/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/MIA/TEN/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/13 DAL: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DAL/GB/KC/IND/TEN/OAK/CIN/SEA/MIN/SD/SF/56 DIFF: NYG/WAS, DET/DAL, CHI/GB, MIA/IND, NYJ/OAK, STL/MIN, 13/56 Green Bay (Vitamin X 9-7) defeated Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 5-11) 7-4 GB: WAS/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/GB/JAX/MIA/TEN/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/SD/DEN/20 CHI: XX/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/KC/IND/TEN/OAK/PIT/TB/MIN/SD/DEN/EP DIFF: GB/CHI, JAX/KC, MIA/IND, SEA/TB, STL/MIN Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 10-6) defeated by Kansas City (Alfdogg 9-6-1) 5-10 JAX: WAS/PHI/BUF/CAR/HOU/DAL/CHI/JAX/IND/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/DEN/24 KC: WAS/PHI/BUF/CAR/HOU/DET/GB/KC/IND/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/21 DIFF: DAL/DET, CHI/GB, JAX/KC, SD/AZ, DEN/SF Miami (Spaceman Spiff 5-11) defeated by Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 9-7) 8-9 MIA: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/16 IND: NYG/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/JAX/MIA/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/20 DIFF: WAS/NYG, PHI/ATL, KC/JAX, IND/MIA, NYJ/OAK New England (nl-asshole 7-8-1) defeated by Tennessee (Cuban Linx 9-7) 8-9 NE: NYG/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/JAX/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/27 TENN: WAS/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/MIA/TEN/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/SD/SF/21 DIFF: NYG/WAS, PHI/ATL, BAL/BUF, DAL/DET, JAX/KC, IND/MIA, NE/TEN, NYJ/OAK, CIN/PIT Oakland (Smues 8-8) defeated by N.Y. Jets (Gert T 8-8) 5-11 OAK: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/CLE/DET/CHI/KC/IND/NE/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/DEN/13 NYJ: WAS/ATL/BAL/CAR/CLE/DET/CHI/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/PIT/SEA/STL/SD/SF/24 DIFF: PHI/ATL, BUF/BAL/NO/CAR/OAK/NYJ, CIN/PIT, DEN/SF, 13/24 Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 8-7-1) defeated Cincinnati (Teke 6-9-1) 8-5 PIT: WAS/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/PIT/TB/MIN/SD/SF/31 CIN: WAS/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/JAX/MIA/TEN/OAK/CIN/TB/STL/SD/DEN/31 DIFF: BUF/BAL, GB/CHI, KC/JAX, IND/MIA, NE/TEN, NYJ/OAK, PIT/CIN, MIN/STL, SF/DEN Seattle (Chazz 1998 8-8) defeated Tampa Bay (Starvenger 9-7) 12-10 SEA: WAS/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/KC/MIA/NE/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/27 TB: NYG/ATL/BUF/CAR/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/MIA/TEN/OAK/CIN/TB/STL/AZ/SF/9 DIFF: WAS/NYG, NO/CAR, GB/CHI, NE/TEN, PIT/CIN, SEA/TB, 27/9 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 7-9) defeated Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 9-7) 12-11 STL: NYG/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/KC/IND/NE/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/20 MIN: WAS/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/MIA/NE/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/22 DIFF: NYG/WAS, GB/CHI, IND/MIA Arizona (Vern Gagne 8-8) defeated by San Diego (Porter 7-8-1) 8-10 AZ: WAS/ATL/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/JAX/IND/NE/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/DEN/18 SD: NYG/PHI/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/CHI/KC/IND/NE/OAK/PIT/SEA/STL/AZ/SF/24 DIFF: WAS/NYG, ATL/PHI, BAL/BUF, DAL/DET, JAX/KC, DEN/SF, 18/24 San Francisco (Lightning Flik 7-9) defeated Denver (Canadian Chris 8-8) 9-8 SF: NYG/ATL/BUF/NO/HOU/DET/GB/JAX/MIA/TEN/OAK/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/SF/17 DEN: NYG/PHI/BAL/NO/HOU/DAL/CHI/KC/IND/NE/NYJ/CIN/SEA/STL/SD/DEN/26 DIFF: ATL/PHI, BUF/BAL, DET/DAL, GB/CHI, JAX/KC, MIA/IND, TEN/NE, OAK/NYJ, SF/DEN

What did I get from Santa this year? I’ve said before that the better half hates shopping for me because she can never figure out what I want. This Christmas it was more of the same. I got season 8 of South Park, season 1 of Mind of Mencia, Unbreakable, Saw II and a new pair of work shoes. Whatever. I’m content. The better half was surprised at a number of things I got her, especially the cookbooks because she has been saying for the last several months how she wants to start baking and all that other shit. In fact, the one book I bought her was a title that she actually wanted. Go me. Christmas in the kkk household usually goes like this. I’m first to wake up, which gives me a chance to put the presents I bought under the tree. Now I’m a bit of an odd bird in many ways, and one of them is that I refuse to use gift-wrapping paper. Fuck that shit. I use newspaper to wrap my gifts. First off I’m not buying this shit that will be torn to shreds when I already subscribe to a publication whose newsprint works just as fine. If anything, it’s easier to mold newspaper around a present than it is gift-wrapping paper. I also do this because it’s the degree I got in college. Newspaper = journalism school. Get it? Boy I’m a clever one. Well, if by “clever” you mean “a cheap sad sack hunk o’ man” then you would be correct. Eh, I’ve been wrapping gifts too long with newspaper to turn back now. This sort of thing is now expected of me, just like at this place when I say “hippie” or “commie” or “Jew bastard.” If I didn’t do these things, people would say, “what’s wrong?” Well, actually they say that anyway, but now I’m getting off track. Once the better half wakes up she takes the stockings we hang over our entertainment stand and let the cats have at the toys she purchased them. It’s rather amusing because for about 20-30 minutes it’s nothing but a catnip orgy. After that entertainment dies down we exchange presents while “A Christmas Story” is being played on TBS. Even though we have the DVD to this holiday classic, I still feel the need to have it on with commercial interruptions. I do not know why. After gifts are exchanged we watch movies or something before heading out to my brother-in-law’s house for Christmas dinner. There we meet up with the in-laws, and Mrs. kkk’s sibling who isn’t a crack-whore. Now every year they make ham for dinner, and for as much as I love bacon and pork chops, I really don’t care for ham. I can’t explain why. I’ll have a slice or two, but I generally fill up on mashed potatoes and corn. More gifts are exchanged. Well, mostly gift cards, but it’s no big deal. This time is for the nieces and nephews in this house. To make matters better, this year the crack-whore sister-in-law wasn’t there because the courts aren’t allowing her to be in the same residence with her one daughter, who was at this function. For those keeping score at home, this is the other kid this crack-whore popped out; not the out-of-control 19-year old. This kid is the same age as the brother in-laws two kids, and this niece-in-law lives with her father and step-mom, so hopefully she has a chance in this crazy world. Overall, this year’s Christmas was pretty much the same as the last few. It wasn’t “exciting,” but then again I’m no longer a kid, so it shouldn’t be. In a way, I’m starting to dig watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts and think back to when I was that age. Oh, before going to the in-laws we watched two rented movies: Invincible and The Lady in the Water. Invincible was good for what it was; if you like seeing Marky Mark run around on special teams for the Philadelphia Eagles, then you’ll be in heaven. I actually got a chuckle out of Greg Kinnear playing head coach Dick Vermil, and I never heard the story of that Vince Papale guy before, so that was interesting. As for Lady in the Water, if you buy this movie at full price you’ll be the one all wet. Ugh. I’m not a huge fan of M. Knight What’s-his-name, but then again I don’t “hate” him either. The only film I haven’t seen of his yet is Unbreakable, and since I got that for Christmas, I’m sure I’ll be watching it soon enough. When I do, I’ll rank his movies or something – yeah, that should take up a day’s worth of entries.

Regarding the playoffs: Basically, what Alfdogg said, although there is a change in the NFC, which I will explain below. Some other notes: AFC The East, North and South champs have already been decided. Out in the West, if Alfdogg wins, he's in. If he loses and Smues wins, he wins the West based on a better divisional record than Canadian Chris (they split their season series). If Alfdogg and Smues both lose and Chris wins, he takes the West. When it comes to the Wild Card, there are two open spots: four teams are at 8-7 and two teams are at 7-7-1. For either Kahran or nl-asshole to advance they need to win and have at least three 8-7 teams lose. If by some act of fate both 7-7-1 teams win and at least three of the 8-7 teams lose, Kahran gets the tie-breaker over nl-asshole due to a better conference record. Regarding the four 8-7 teams, Smues and Chris split their season series, but Smues would get the tie-breaker due to a better division record. Over in the South, Linx and Doyle split their season series and have the same divisional record. If both win in their final game, Doyle will have the better conference record, which is why he's slotted above Linx. Out of these four 8-7 teams, only two have played head-to-head outside of their divisions, with Chris beating Doyle. So basically, here's how it looks: If Smues wins he's in. If Chirs wins, I'm pretty sure he'll get in. If Doyle wins and Chris loses, I'm pretty sure he's in. Linx needs to win and have at least two of the other three 8-7 teams to lose. Oh, and then if Alfdogg loses... well. That will change things a bit. NFC All of the division champs have been decided except for the North. However, both teams gunning for the division title have clinched playoff spots. Even if Vern loses in his final game, he still wins on having a better divisional record than Seattle. Minnesota has already clinched a Wild Card spot by sweeping Green Bay in the regular season. If Tampa wins, they're in. If Tampa loses and Green Bay wins, Green Bay is in with the better conference record.

Don't speak too soon. There was a scoring boo-boo and Vern won your game. I'm doing the most current standings and it looks like Vern won the West.

Didn't get home until past 8:30 last night. Please note that a number of games are still undecided and I haven't updated PF/PA/ETC stats since Week 15. Since I have a week off work, this will be done probably either late tonight or Tuesday. AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-6 < PF: 117, PA: 105, AFC: 7-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 7-7-1 < PF: 108, PA: 97, AFC: 3-7-1, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 1-5 > New York Jets (Gert T) 7-8 < PF: 96, PA: 95, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 5-10 < PF: 104, PA: 113, AFC: 4-7, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 11-4 < PF: 106, PA: 98, AFC: 9-2, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 7-7-1 < PF: 102, PA: 103, AFC: 5-5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-3-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-8-1 < PF: 97, PA: 114, AFC: 5-5-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-2 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 6-8-1 < PF: 103, PA: 107, AFC: 4-6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-4-1 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-5 < PF: 106, PA: 101, AFC: 7-4, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 8-7 < PF: 114, PA: 105, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-3 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-7 < PF: 109, PA: 111, AFC: 4-7, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 3-3 > Houston Texans (Bored) 7-8 < PF: 110, PA: 110, AFC: 6-5, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-4 > AFC WEST Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 8-6-1 < PF: 108, PA: 106, AFC: 5-5-1 NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-2-1 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 8-7 < PF: 112, PA: 109, AFC: 6-5, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 8-7 < PF: 104, PA: 106, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-4 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 6-8-1 < PF: 105, PA: 118, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 2-3-1 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 8-6-1 < PF: 117, PA: 110, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 7-3-1, DIV: 5-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-8 < PF: 95, PA: 101, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 7-4, DIV: 2-3 > New York Giants (Cartman) 6-9 < PF: 111, PA: 115, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 5-6, DIV: 2-3 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-10 < PF: 103, PA: 115, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 3-3 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 10-5 < PF: 114, PA: 102, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 8-3, DIV: 3-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-6 < PF: 112, PA: 100, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-3, DIV: 4-2 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 8-7 < PF: 90, PA: 105, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 7-4, DIV: 4-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-10 < PF: 99, PA: 113, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 2-9, DIV: 1-4 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 12-3 < PF: 127, PA: 106, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 9-2, DIV: 6-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 9-6 < PF: 115, PA: 107, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 7-4, DIV: 3-3 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-9-1 < PF: 108, PA: 106, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-7-1, DIV: 1-4 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 5-10 < PF: 109, PA: 113, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-8, DIV: 1-4 > NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-7 < PF: 113, PA: 101, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 5-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Chazz 1998) 7-8 < PF: 112, PA: 115, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 5-6, DIV: 4-2 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 6-9 < PF: 113, PA: 108, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 3-8, DIV: 0-6 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 5-10 < PF: 95, PA: 100, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 3-3 >

I'm headed out for another Christmas event and won't be back until at least 5 p.m. (This one just came up -- ~!@#$ families.) Deadline's still 1 p.m., and if the time-thingy on your post is past 1 p.m., then your EPs will be used.

Now global warming is responsible for sagging coat sales? Is there nothing global warming can’t influence? From the Slimes of New York: I would think that the lefties would embrace this aspect of our planet setting itself on high because less fur coats = less animals at fur farms. And regarding Paragraph 7: Who in the hell buys a new coat every year? I’ve had the same non-hide jacket (with the attachable liner) for 10 years now, and it’s still in great shape, except for one “loop thing” on my left sleeve that got partially torn and had to be sewn up. My favorite part of the article was this paragraph in third paragraph: And then about a dozen paragraphs down, we get this: It's a shame global cooling didn't actually take place as was predicted by environmental "experts" a generation ago -- these coat stores would be making mad cash hand over fist. I bet Al Gore flying all around the world talking about his hippie global warming movie jacked this year's holiday temperatures up at least one-fourth of one-half of one-third of one-sixteenth of a percent. Damn you for ruining Christmas. Damn you all.

I got 99 songs and a hit ain't one. And you registered here two-and-a-half weeks after I did in '02 and only have 16 posts? And he's so tiny -- lol at him talking on his cell phone midway through the video. I'll take "Bottom Boy" over that song Dump had on the MySpace Page in this battle of the bands.

Deadline has come and gone for the Saturday game. I'll organize all this shit sometime.

You're right about the Penguins drawing well, which actually makes the way the team has been treated by local officials even more sad. However, just because it's my "hometown team," that doesn't mean I'm going to swear blind loyalty to keeping them around if the region's politicians don't give a damn about them. I'm on Lemieux's side regarding this issue. If he can get a better deal somewhere else, then more power to him. He’s gone above and beyond his responsibility to the Pens' survival. And it was reported on the news yesterday that two people were out in front of the Mellon Arena with signs saying "Save Our Pens." Hey, if I joined them that would make three. Where's my winter jacket and paint?

I finally got around to hearing this song. Please note I don't listen to much new rap, so I'm not sure what the kids consider dope nowadays (the only "south" rap I have in my CD collection are the Geto Boys, Outkast and Goodie Mob). However, I've scanned passed BET enough times to watch a contemporary rap video or two. Some thoughts while listening to the song a second time. Why is the song's title "Southern Anthem" when anyone who hears this for the first time will probably think it's "Bottom Boy"? A few times I wondered if it was "Bayou Boy." I liked the "down south" lines at around the two-minute mark, but the part about bitches and hos shortly after just felt out of place. The "Down South Shit" at the end of the song seemed a bit ... eh. Is the other person on this song a TSM poster, too? Regarding the song as a whole: I may not run right out and buy your album the Tuesday it gets released nationwide, but I've heard worse. Much worse. Best of luck. And if you ever need a Jew manager to rob you of all your money after you hit it big (every successful rapper has one), I'm only a PM away. You mentioned that you're from the Big Easy -- has there been a rap song about Katrina that samples Zeppelin's "When the Levee Breaks"? "Dump"?

You're saying this like all those are bad things.

If you read yesterday’s entry, I know you are already psyched for Part II of my epic kkkhristmas shopping adventure. If you didn’t read yesterday’s entry, hit the “page down” button on your keyboard. I’m not linking yesterday’s entry for you lazy fucks. That would be stupid. Now it was onto Best Buy, which is across the street from my local mall. Problem is there are about 1,000 vehicles blocking my path. You know, I don’t mind gridlock all that much during this time of year. I mean, it’s the holiday season. What else do you expect? What annoys me is when the light turns green and nobody moves an inch until the light turns yellow. But I digress. OK, now I’m at my Best Buy, unlike the other one I was at earlier in the day, which was closer to my workplace. This is my Best Buy. Stay away Shittsburgh residents. I got a workout tape she not-too-subtly mentioned a few weeks back. What else? She said a while back that she liked “The Little Mermaid.” What do you know? A LIMITED-TIME SPECIAL EDITION of this movie is on the shelves. What a coincidence. Alrighty then. Oh shut the fuck up. I’m standing with these people who are bitching about having to wait in line. IT’S KKKHRISTMAS TIME – WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? If you don’t want to wait in line then shop on-line or don’t shop at all. This one lady is complaining about not having feeling in her arm from carrying a slow-cooker or something. THEN PUT IT ON THE FLOOR! Jesus Christ I hate these people. You’d think they were in a concentration camp rather than in a Best Buy check-out line. The only thing I hate about waiting in line is that the other customers take seemingly forever to make their transactions and mine takes about a minute. What the hell? I want to have people in line wait as long as I did. Bastards. Why couldn’t my credit card have been declined on my first swipe or something? Oh well, I’m out. As I’m driving back home I noticed the Wal-Mart shopping center (not the one I went to earlier today, this one is populated by rednecks, while the other is occupied by folks from the ghetto) and there’s no way in hell I’m going into that mess. There are other stores in this area, but I’m not braving that mayhem just to deal with all the white trash that I’m sure are milling about. I think I’ll take my chances with the other shopping center down the road with the Target and Kohl’s. First I stopped into Kohl’s. They have some neat stuff that the better half might like. Too bad I can’t find any of it. Hey, one of those foot bath things would be a good gift because she recently bought all this overpriced moisture junk and she’s been soaking her feet in our spare dishpan that we’ve never used. But which one do I pick? Christ, what’s the difference between them – they all have BUBBLES and HEAT and other shit I don’t care about. Oh I’ll go with the Conair one because it has some recoiling cord. Oh God, I just heard this redneck ask his girlfriend/wife/sister how much 10 percent off of $19.99 would be. You got to be kidding me. A 10 percent discount barely covers the sales tax; it’s not that big a deal. I remember back in ’98 I worked for a few weeks at some kitchen store that was going out of business, and everything was marked off. Many items were 10 percent off, and the customers didn’t believe the prices I rang up for them. “Did you factor in the discounts?” they would say. Uh, yeah. AND I ALSO FACTORED IN THE SALES TAX YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! Those were some fun times, but I’m getting off track. Oh hell no, I see boxes in the cooking section with Rachael Ray’s face on them. Oh my blood pressure is skyrocketing now. Words can’t describe how much I loathe this woman. Now I’m in the checkout lane and I’m ready to go home. The total gets rung up and then I do the unthinkable. I ask, “is that with discounts included?” FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I was just making fun of these people and now I’ve become one. No, I didn’t mean it like that! I meant to say that would I need to use my Kohl’s card to get the discount. Sonofabitch, I’m too late. Now the customer service representative has the upper hand by telling me that is the discounted price. Shit shit shit. Wait a second, why do I even care? Oh, yeah, because I like to make fun of stupid customers. Oh well, I’ll take my slings and arrows. One final stop to go, and that’s the Target store. I’ll get that six-in-one DVD holiday special with Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer and other shows that only get shown once per year. For some reason the better half likes that bigfoot-thing in Rudolph special. Personally, I hate all these shows, especially the one with the mule who had the big ears, even though it wasn’t one of the cartoons featured in this disc. If memory serves, there is this baby mule with big ears and for one reason or another he gets kicked out of his barn. His mom goes with him, protects him from the cold and DIES. Later the mule carries a knocked up Virgin Mary or something, so I guess that’s what his purpose in the world was, but the whole thing just depresses the hell out of me. Oh, yeah, Target. I also got these squirrel candle holders and shaving gel for stocking stuffers and two cookbooks because she’s been whining about wanting to start baking and cooking and all that other shit. Of course, she never talks about wanting to clean up the messes she leaves afterwards, but once again I digress. Now I’m going home. Final tally: Five DVDs/DVD sets, two cookbooks, two calendars, a foot massage thingy, some minor stocking stuffers. I usually get more stuff, but I wanted to take it easy this year due to debt that Mrs. kkk built up over the years that needs to get paid off. It’s more than I originally wanted to get, but what the heck, it’s kkkhristmas time.

I'd suggest linking this entry to future entries when talking about these people. Just do a Click here for more info, or something like that. And NoCal, who are the posters here you know in real life? I'm guessing Scroby is one.

Unlike the other roided-up ball players. They were juicing for the integrity of the sport.

Now is this the "south" or the "dirty south"?

Sorry. Didn't realize the usage period for "now called" was four months and 29 days. I'll try to remember for next time.

I've noticed that these things are now called "Famous" Chicken Bowls.

Well the acid-filled OJ takes away from the flavor of the grizzly bear steaks that I make after killing the animal with my bare hands.

Someone's going to get a jihad declared against him.

Regarding the Pens: The talk around here is mostly about them moving to Kansas City. I so want them to move. Not because I hate the team, but rather because Mario has put up with enough shit and deserves to go somewhere where the public officials give a damn about him. I hope the team moves and Shittsburgh then decides a few months later to build a new arena -- with no hockey team to occupy it 50 or so times a year. The city can't build a multi-purpose arena that would attract a variety of entertainment endeavors, but they can build a baseball-only stadium for a team that's had losing seasons since 1993 and build a football-only stadium that's probably used, if they're lucky, 20 times per year. I hope Mario sticks it to them good.

Umm, Michael Jordan? Link.

For the last few years I have done my kkkhristmas shopping for the better half early into the season. Now for the first time in several years I avoided Black Friday and stayed away from those unbeatable deals found in the Sunday circulars. I figured this year I’ll do the shopping the Friday before Jesus' b-day when she’s out at her second job. So here’s a rundown of my thrill-packed day. My workplace had its yearly holiday party, and for the third straight year I avoided it entirely. Fuck those people. Sorry, but I’m not about to break bread with a good number of these assholes, even if is just for show. If I don’t like you motherfucker I don’t like you, and the holiday season isn’t going to change that. If anything these Jew bastards should be happy they don’t have to spring for another meal at whatever cheap-ass restaurant they decided to hold this year’s lunch. Why am I talking about this? Because when everyone was out at this event, and then to an early exit home, I headed out to deliver some material to a mailing service and then thought I could get my kkkhristmas shopping done. Boy was I wrong. My first stop was Best Buy. Holy Christ was traffic awful. In hindsight I should have known better because this shopping center is horribly laid out. I’ve stopped by this area before when I didn’t feel like going right back to work after dropping off my monthly mailing service parcels, but these times were during the non-holiday season. I should have known better, but whatever. After finally getting into Best Buy, I discovered that the store was ransacked and the shelves were nearly bare. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to get the better half. However, I just spent 30 minutes in gridlock, so I HAD to get something. Let’s see, she has been nagging me about seeing the Underworld sequel. There we go. While I’m out in this area I might as well check out the nearby Target and Circuit City stores. Shit, nothing in either one of these stores. Might as well get the uber-Narnia 40-disc special edition since it’s only $7 more than the regular 15-disc non-uber-edition. Oh well, it got me out of the office for a few hours. I returned back to work for 10 minutes, finished what I had to and headed home. On my way home from work I was stopped at a red light at a shitty intersection where the stop lights fuck the traffic up even worse than it would normally be. Hmm, there’s a Wal-Mart nearby, but it’s usually filled with black people. No joke: This store supposedly has one of the highest rates of theft in the region, and it was rumored that it would close up shop. Might as well give it a shot. Jesus Chrst, there are almost as many old/fat people in the store with those scooter devices than there are cars in the parking lot. LOL – this kid is yelling “I have to go potty” and the rest of the young’ins in this clan (3-4 more, at least) are now yelling the same thing with the parents about ready to have a meltdown. And I’ll say this about black people and shopping carts – they’re almost as bad driving those things as they are with their cars. And they aren’t insured driving either one. Or am I thinking about Mexicans? I spent about five minutes in this shithole and high-tailed it out of there. So it’s still been more than a year since I have actually purchased anything at Wal-Mart. It’s not that I’m a Wal-Mart hater. I'm an under-class hater, and Wal-Mart has plenty of them. Then again, going into one of these stores can make you feel much better about yourself, or it will sadden you seeing your fellow man in such pathetic condition. I guess it depends on what your mood is at the time. For me, seeing Wal-Mart customers is an uplifting experience, especially the ones with multiple kids who are waddling up and down the aisles complaining about the prices. The rest of my trip home was uneventful, although the shitty weather, coupled with the holiday traffic, made driving for the entire day an adventure. Fortunately, I got home in one piece. I listened to some phone messages, did a few household odds and ends, and then got ready for my second excursion of kkkhristmas shopping. But now we’ll be in my (red)neck of the woods. My stomping grounds. My people. Whenever I make my rounds with retail shopping in this area, it consists of driving out to the mall/Best Buy because they are the farthest stores away from me. I then hit all the other stores on the way back home. First was the mall. Why do I even bother going to this place? None of these stores do anything for me. I don’t buy clothes or jewelry, so that wipes out at least half of the merchants there right off the bat. Hey, I’ll walk into Spencer’s and look at all the crap that I’ll never buy. What’s funny about Spencer’s is that I always see these teen-agers hanging out, but then there are always one or two old normal-looking patrons who are in the sex-card/humor section of the store. Heh. Well, I’m at the mall, I might as well buy some way over-priced calendars of kittens. Next year is coming up and we need calendars. And they’re kitties. Sure I can get them at half-price elsewhere, but I’m already here and getting a free look at the cashier’s rack. One sixteen-month calendar and a one-a-day calendar. They cost HOW much? Oh what the hell, it’s kkkhristmas. As I’m typing, my female cat Dessa is taking a shit in the computer room’s litter box. How the hell can cats, after squeezing out a few logs, put their noses just centimeters away from their steaming fecal matter? Gag. Now she’s trying to cover up her load by scratching the nearby wall – USE THE LITTER. THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR! Oh, and this odor is going to linger for a while. Say, what better time to bring this entry to a close on such a riveting cliffhanger? But don't worry, tomorrow we'll have the exciting conclusion to tonight’s kkkhristmas shopping excursion.