KingPK

Kip Wells: 1-5 | SV 0 | ERA 6.69 | WHIP 1.76 Texas can have him. The Yankees pick up a 1B in Craig Wilson for Chacon. Geez, when George gets going, look out.

Yeah, that's kind of the point I was making. Guess I should have used the [sarcasm] tag.

Well we all know that Flair can't cut a money promo to save his life, so that's probably a good thing.

D. Lee is not going anywhere!!!! Keep dreaming. *makes hand wooshing over head motion* WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Because you completely missed the point of the original post. Lee had a wrist injury, came back and had to go back on the DL.......both Sheffield and Matsui are coming off wrist injuries....... Sinking in yet?

Honestly, I'm not kidding here, but I think they should try out Abreu 4th and move A-Rod down a spot or two to bolster the bottom half of the lineup a bit. Abreu's power numbers are down, but he gets on base like a mofo and that would ease the pressure on Rodriguez a smidge.

No Joe Morgan and Bonnie Bernstein in the reporter role tonight? Thank you ESPN.

If anything, I don't get the timing of the deal. Aren't these types of deals (so-called "salary dumps") more suited for the offseason? I mean, Abreu could have helped a TON of teams offensively and the Phils could have gotten a lot better return in terms of prospects. Why do this now and not wait until the offseason and get basically the same deal (or possibly better)?

But it gives them a great plan-B should Matsui and/or Sheffield can't fully come back from their injuries (which is a valid concern. Derek Lee, anyone?) Lidle's a throwaway piece because I don't trust ANY NL pitcher moving to the AL in mid-season. He'll eat up some innings, but he's gonna get rocked more often than not.

This is sad but hilarious at the same time: If they didn't just trade their own headcase to get him (Bethel Johnson), I'd be more annoyed. But they did, so I'll just laugh at the fat bastard.

Few teams can go into a seller's market and trade a high-caliber player for a sack of money and a handful of magic beans. I guess the Phillies are one of those teams. EDIT: And apparently it was the Phillies that paid Abreu to waive his no-trade clause to make this deal happen. Huh? Couldn't they have just done this move in the offseason and get the same results?

Anyone ever check out the Ward E section of Satellite News? Well, here is indisputable proof that, yes, I am indeed a complete dork. That's right, I actually took the time to transcribe an entire host segment from the Agent for H.A.R.M. episode a couple years ago and sent it in. You may commence the mocking............now.

Well, at least the show should be posted in a timely manner with all the matches included, right? .....Right?

7/29 george feeney Lame ass gimmick poster.

Buster Olney has zero credibility in my eyes. At the deadline last year, I believe he said that Manny to the Mets was a done deal on ESPN Radio. Oh, and players say things that they don't always believe to be true. Yeah, Olney is the LAST "mainstream" guy you want to listen to when it comes to trade rumors. Again, baseball REALLY needs Peter Gammons back.

Ryan Zimmerman. Suddenly my pick for the 2009 USA team doesn't look too shabby. And the AL? Everyone (and I agree) says it's pretty much Liriano's to lose right now with Verlander and Papelbon close behind. What say you?

It would be better for people to PM you for that info.

It's 17-5 now, so you know what that means? Time for ARod to hit a couple of solo homers and get booed as he rounds the bases.

What's your stance on left/right-handed specialists (i.e. Mike Myers)coming out of the bullpen for one batter and being replaced right after, no matter the outcome of the at-bat? Are managers using them correctly or is it just a waste of a bullpen spot?

Hey, ARod is up with the bases loaded. Wonder what'll happen? Oh yeah, that. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

It's more the fact that Manny plays it VERY shallow and has a very quick release on his throws, but teams somehow think he's still not very good defensively and run on him anyway. And Jerry Remy needs to do more national games. Take away his borderline annoying schilling for his "RemDawg" website on NESN and he's one of the best color men in baseball.

And so began the Great Anglesault Meltdown. Looks like the Tigers were the only team that got something good out of that deal (Bonderman).

"No monologues with poopy pants, please!" (After Nick and the Evil CEO are killed) "Oh....well...thank you, movie." "Yeah, appreciate it."

"OH MY GOD!! INCREDIBLE SUPERSTAR!!" [i]Baseline[/i] by Quarashi blasts over the PA system as Longdogger Pete, dressed in his usual battle gear steps out into the arena alongside his partner for the night, Sydney Sky, who is dressed in black vinyl pants and purple corset top with her trademark combat boots. They get a fairly mixed reaction from the crowd, but it is mostly positive. BUFFER LLLadies and gentlemen, the following contest is a "Pick Your Partner" tag team match and it is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Miami, Florida and Los Angeles, California respectively, they weigh in at a total combined weight of four hundred and twenty-seven pounds. Please welcome Lllongdogger Pete and Sydneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Skyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" JESSE Oh listen to these fans cheer because her name is the same as their city. TONY The Aussies are a proud country, you know that. JESSE So if I changed my name to Jesse Melbourne I'd be a national hero? TONY We're set for our next contest here on OAOAST Syndicated as the two former SWF stars make their way to the ring. This is Sydney Sky's first OAOAST in-ring appearance, but she's had quite a past with Longdogger that goes all the way back to 2001 when she first broke into the buisness. Unfortunately, she suffered a broken neck in 2002 and hasn't been inside a wrestling ring until tonight. JESSE So she's a woman with neck problems? Was Longdogger drunk when he made this pick? Sky and Pete are in the ring at this point, sharing a high-five as the music fades. The booing begins even before the opening of [i]Metalingus[/i] is heard over the sound system. The blue strobes light the entrance of a darkened arena as their opponents walk through the curtain. BUFFER And now, their opponents. They weigh in at a total combined weight of SEVEN HUNDRED and SIXTY-SEVEN pounds. Being accompanied to the ring by Saint Andrew, they are the team of Peter Knight and Gillllbrallllltaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr. JESSE Wow, did you hear that Tony? Those two outweigh their opponents by nearly double. Hell, Gibraltar outweighs them BY HIMSELF. TONY Hold on, Jesse; remember, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. JESSE Yeah and if Gibraltar falls on Sydney Sky we'll need a spatula to scrape her off the mat. The trio steps into the ring and Knight steps aside so that Andrew can stand in the center of the ring with his protege. The referee orders Andrew out of the ring as the two teams go to their respective corners to talk strategy. Knight slaps Gibraltar on the shoulder and steps out to the apron. In the other corner, Sydney seems to be motioning for Longdogger to step to the apron. As you'd imagine, he's not very happy with the idea. JESSE Is she nuts? Gibraltar outweighs her by nearly 400 pounds! TONY I have to agree here, partner. Referee Charles Robinson walks over to them and demands that one of them step to the apron so the match can be started, so Longdogger reluctantly relents and with a few words of encouragement, steps through the ropes. Seeing this, Knight breaks into a wide grin and claps his hands as Robinson calls for the opening bell. *DING DING* TONY And we're underway with Sydney Sky taking on the monster Gibraltar. The two circle each other, sizing his/her opponent up and waiting for the other to make a move. Gibraltar tries first with a right hand, but Sydney easily dodges it and jogs safely away. She uses her speed some more to evade more Gibraltar strikes, getting in a few kicks to the big man's legs and torsoleaving him frustrated as he angrily slaps the top rope. JESSE At least Sydney is using the right strategy here. She is not trying to go toe-to-toe with him and is using her quickness to tire him down and get her shots in when she can. Longdogger applauds from the apron as Sydney motions for Gibraltar to bring it again. He blindly charges at her, but she steps aside, adding a shove of her own to send him into the corner. Like a bull seeing red, he charges from the corner only to get sidestepped again and sent into the turnbuckles. Howling with rage, he turns and charges again, but Sydney meets him with a spinning wheel kick that stuns him and knocks him off balance back into the turnbuckle. She quickly raises her arm to the crowd (getting a cheer) before follwing him in and peppering him with kicks to the torso and forearms to the upper body (as he's too tall to reach to hit his face). Gibraltar brings his knee up and connects with Sky's ribs to cut off the assault. Gibraltar grabs her wrist and backs her into the ropes, shooting her off, but Sky grabs the top rope as she hits it and puts on the brakes. Gibraltar howls again and charges, but Sky drops down, pulling the rope down with her and letting Gibraltar's momentum carry himself over the top rope and to the floor, landing on his feet next to Saint Andrew. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" TONY Sydney Sky's not showing much ring rust here at all. She's also showing good ring smarts. JESSE But she's getting a 500-pound man VERY upset right now. Knight hops off the apron and goes to his partner as Sky and Pete bump fists in the corner. Knight pulls Gibraltar's head down and whispers something in his ear. The cameraman tries to get close, but Andrew shoos him away. TONY What's going on here? JESSE That's a former World Champion taking charge of the situation, Schiavone. The meeting adjourns and Knight hops back onto into his corner as Gibraltar steps over the top rope back into the ring. Gibraltar tries to get his hands on Sky again, but she once again runs circles around him, getting more shots in and actually getting the big man off his feet with a drop toe hold. Sky once again plays to the crowd as Giblraltar uses the ropes to get to his feet and Knight shouts "This ain't a dance class, babe" from the apron. Gibraltar backs into his corner and Sky is all over him again. TONY Uh oh, she better watch it over there. Sky peppers Gibraltar with more shots and when Knight tries to interfere, he gets a forearm to the face that almost knocks him to the floor. She focuses back on Gibraltar and turns her back on Knight.....which allows Knight to grab her by the ponytail and yank her down to the mat. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" TONY I knew it! Sky grabs her head in pain and Gibraltar takes control, hoisting her up by the hair, scooping her up, and slamming her hard down to the mat, Sky yelping in pain after the impact. Knight outstretches his hand and gets the tag from Gibraltar. Knight rushes in and pulls her back up, shoving her into the corner and firing off forearm after forearm to her face, head snapping back violently after each one. TONY I don't know how much her neck has healed in four years, but that is a dangerous situation for her to be in right now. Knight drives his knee into her gut and holds it there, drwing a five count from Robinson which he breaks right before 5....only to bury his knee into her again and hold it for another five count. Longdogger steps through the ropes to protest, drawing over Robinson which allows Knight to shove Sky into his corner and, while Gibraltar wraps his massive arm around her neck, fire off shots to the ribs and face. Longdogger tries to point out the cheating to Robinson, but it is to no vain. Gibraltar releases her as Longdogger steps back out to the apron and she collapses in the corner. Knight pulls her up by the hair and looks at Longdogger. KNIGHT No, I don't want this. Knight shoves Sky towards her corner and points at Longdogger. KNIGHT I want him. Tag him. Longdogger, an incensed look on his face, slaps Sky's hand and steps into the ring. He makes sure she's ok and helps her to the apron before whirling around and walking towards Knight, giving him a piece of his mind as he does so. Knight retorts and they end up forehead to forehead in the middle of the ring. TONY Nearly a month of tensions is about to explode here in Melbourne. All we need is a spark. *SLAP* Knight stings LP's face with an open-hand slap. JESSE And I think we just got it! Longdogger begins breathing deeply, letting his rage go to the boiling point...... *BAM* Before nailing Knight with a right. Knight answers....and the brawl is on. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TONY Here we go! Knight seems to get the upper hand at first, backing LP towards the corner with repeated punches....but as he hits the turnbuckles, LP grabs Knight by the head and switches positions, firing off right hand after right hand, the blows becoming almost like machine gun shots that leave the former champion crumpled in the corner. Longdogger backs off, the adrenaline surging through his body as he turns back towards Knight, charges...... *BAM* And drives his knee into Knight's face! "OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Knight grabs his nose in pain in the corner as Gibraltar steps back into the ring....but Syndey Sky is there with a dropkick that knocks him back a step, followed by another. Longdogger comes along to help and they take turns assaulting the 500 pound monster with punches and kicks. Longdogger looks back to see that Knight is getting back to his feet and signals to Sydney to follow him over. They grab Knight by the arms and backs him into the ropes, shooting him off and driving him to the mat with a double team flapjack. They quickly pop back up and link arms, charging towards Gibraltar and crashing into him with a double clothesline that knocks him into the ropes. They back up and nail him with another that sends him toppling over the top and crashing on the floor! "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Turning, they lock arms again and charge towards Knight, crashing into him with another clothesline and sending HIM to the floor. Longdogger and Sky high-five and gesture to the crowd. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" TONY The former SWFers are clearing house and this Aussie crowd is LOVING it! JESSE They're getting too overconfident and that is going to cost them big. Gibraltar is getting to his feet on the floor and Sydney Sky sees this so she slaps LP on the shoulder and whispers something in his ear. The 'Dogger shakes his head and with a smirk says "No way. You sure?" to which Sky answers with a nod. Longdogger jogs to the ropes right where Gibraltar is getting up and turns his back, nodding to Sydney as she bounces off the ropes to get some momentum. TONY What is this? Syndey charges towards Longdogger, who ducks down as she gets closer. On the outside, Gibraltar has gotten to his feet and turns back towards the ring.......to see Longdogger backdrop Sky over the top rope...... AND INTO GIBRALTAR WITH A SENTON!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" TONY WOW! That's one of the greatest double team moves I've ever seen. "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" The Melbourne crowd concurs as Longdogger looks over to see if Sydney is ok and gets a thumbs up. Longdogger turns...... TONY HEY, look out! [b]*CRACK*[/b].....and gets a steel chair slammed into his skull by Knight in full view of Charles Robinson, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING DING DING* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Ignoring the bell and Robinson's objections, Knight repeatedly slams the chair into the body of Longdogger. TONY Just like HeldDOWN two weeks ago. JESSE Peter Knight does not care about getting a pin over that man. He wants to end his career. Robinson tries to get physically involved, but Knight shoves him through the ropes and to the floor. Sydney sees the mugging and tries to get back into the ring, but she is restrained by Gibraltar. Knight slams down the chair and stands over LP's body, cursing him out and slapping the back of his head. Knight looks up.....and draws his thumb across his throat. TONY Oh no. JESSE I think we're gonna need some help out here in a minute. Knight pulls LP up by the hair.....and hoists him onto his shoulders. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Knight parades around the ring with LP on his shoulders before he pauses.....and looks over to the steel chair. TONY NO! Not that! JESSE Longdogger is about to get the Stephen Joseph special. Knight kicks the chair over a bit until it is in position, takes a deep breath......... [b]*CRACK!!*[/b] AND KNIGHTMARES LONGDOGGER PETE INTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!!! [b]"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"[/b] TONY Oh, we need EMTs out here. If anyone can hear me in the back, we need them out here NOW! Knight stands over a convulsing 'Dogger as Sky shrieks in terror on the outisde. Gibraltar releases her and she slides into the ring, rolling Pete onto his back and revealing his face to be a bloody mess. She screams for medics as the EMTs and officials sprint into the ring. Knight lets them do their job as he rolls out the floor and slaps Gibraltar on the shoulder as he walks by him. TONY Longdogger Pete most certainly has a concussion, if not worse. We have to take a break. We'll be back with more from Melbourne. The scene fades with the EMTs putting a neck brace on the 'Dogger as a stretcher is prepared.

It's just how it all fell together, I guess. I thought about starting a new post after the Blank segment (kudos, kudos, and more kudos to Zack), but I decided just add a commercial break in the post and keep the flow going. For a four match show, I'm certainly looking forward to the three matches that don't involve me (since I'm writing it and it doesn't count). And more kudos to everyone for getting their stuff in early so I could post the show a few hours earlier than usual.

When you need SEVEN pitchers to beat the friggin' Royals, you know you aren't that great.