KingPK

It's basically the same anti-American gimmick that's been used for 20 years? Let's face it, the idea of Hassan being a tweener and the whole "I'm an Arab-American that's been looked at differently since 9/11" direction of his character waved bye bye LONG ago. Now, he's just a complete whiner, and the fans are getting sick as hell of his schtick. They SHOULD push Daivari with the cruisers if Hassan is done, since he seems to be halfway decent at least. You are DREAMING if you think "Mohammed Hassan: World Heavyweight Champion" would draw a CENT. I said he should hold the US title, and that's as far as he should go until he can actually work a match that's more than 5 minutes.

"Turning the Paige" ....I kinda like that. However, if Skip Bayless gets his own show....

RIP He had a unique voice when it comes to commentary and was good with Gorilla in the booth. I have a crappy Hogan/Savage "comedy" match from France on tape that I would never watch except for Gorilla and Hayes' commentary.

*DING DING DING* BUFFER Llladies and gentlemen, the following match, scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit, is for the OAOAST X-Division Championship of the World!! CUE: Creep The Radiohead hit begins as the arena lights go down and a single spotlight illuminates the entrance. The boos come down in buckets as Christian Wright walks through the curtain, the HI-YAH Heavyweight champ Bohemoth by his side. He waits for the first “but I’m a creep” and pulls the hood of his robe down, throwing his hands to the side and looking up, almost drinking in the hatred of the crowd. BUFFER Introducing first; being accompanied to the ring by the HI-YAH Heavyweight champion Bohemoth, he is from Raleigh, North Carolina weighing in at 233 pounds...Christiaaaaaaaaaaan Wriiiiiiiiight!!! COLE We haven’t seen much of Wright in the ring lately, but that doesn’t mean he’s been quiet. He went to Japan to watch his man Bohemoth win the HI-YAH championship and brought in Serena Blackmore for our women’s division to help with this inane “crusade” Wright seems to be on in the OaOast. COACH But Serena’s cute and dangerous, and the Coach likes that. CUE: Oh Hell Yeah “YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” The crowd goes NUTSBONKERSCUCKOO!!! as Peter Knight walks out, the X-Title belt strapped around his waist. BUFFER And his opponent. He is from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at 265 pounds, the reigning X-Division champion of the WOOOORRRLD...Peterrrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiiiight!!! COACH Hey, that rhymes. Wright-Knight Knight-Wright. CABOOSE I got a rhyme as well: I hate you. Knight slides into the ring and unstraps the belt, raising it into the air as the flashbulbs go off. COLE These two men have been the subject of some rumors going around regarding the X-Title and a “big match” at License to Pin next Sunday, so we’ll look into that and hopefully have an announcement by next week’s show. PK surrenders the belt to referee Earl Hebner, who shows it to Wright before lifting it into the air, turning to all four sides of the ring and handing it off to Buffer while Bohemoth and Wright whisper to each other. Hebner orders Bo to the floor and he complies, slapping Wright on the shoulder in a “good luck” gesture. *DING DING* Knight and Wright forgo circling each other and just lock up right off. Knight gets the upper hand and backs Wright into the corner, cleanly breaking at three. Bohemoth shouts encouragement as Knight waves Wright on. Another lockup, and Wright grabs a side headlock but Knight backs him into the ropes and shoots him off. He tries a clothesline, which is ducked by Wright and he bounces off the opposite strands, looking for a clothesline himself, but Knight surprises him by grasping Wright and taking him down with a release overhead belly to belly. Wright slaps the mat in frustration as Knight smiles at him, waving him on again. Wright slides out of the ring for a breather. COLE Ever since he’s won the X-Title, we have seen a VERY focused and confident Knight. He truly wants to show what he’s got as a champion. CABOOSE Confident? Try cocky. He’s finally got gold and it’s gone to his head. Hebner begins his count, but Wright ignores him to have a powwow with Bohemoth. The camera tries to get close, but Bo shoves it away. COACH KENNY ROGERS’D!! Hebner gets to five and leans through the ropes to order Wright back in. Wright gets another slap on the shoulder from Bohemoth and climbs back into the ring, trading words with Hebner as he steps through the ropes. They lockup once more and this time Wright takes control, backing Knight into the corner. 1...2...3...4...5...Wright won’t break, so Hebner has to intervene and force the two apart. He backs Wright away and gives him a warning, but that’s just what Wright wants. Knight goes to walk out of the corner, but Bohemoth grabs his right ankle, causing PK to trip to the mat. Knight scrambles to his feet and looks out towards Bo, which draws Hebner over to break it up. COLE Oh come on. Why the hell is that guy out here anyway? CABOOSE You REALLY must be seeing things Michael. All I saw was a damn klutz tripping over himself. Knight pleads his case to Earl, but Earl points at his own eyes, telling PK that he has to see it himself. They lockup once more and PK grabs a headlock. Wright pushes him towards the corner and follows up, but Knight meets him with a foot to the face, followed by a clothesline. He drops down for a cover. 1... But Wright kicks out. Knight drags him up by the hair and hooks in a front facelock, grabbing a hold of Wright’s cargo pants and *WHAM* taking him over with a snap suplex before slapping on a rear chinlock to try and weaken him, keeping an eye on Bohemoth as he does so. Bo just puts his arms out and says “What’re you looking at?” COLE Peter Knight trying to wear Wright down a bit in this X-Title match. COACH Speaking of the X-Title, Leon Rodez is a former champion and hasn’t been on good terms with Wright for the last month or so. The “no-contact” agreement in place that prevents them from physically assaulting each other or both men will be gone for the year. Knight releases the hold and goes for another cover. 1... 2... But Wright kicks out once more. Knight drags him up again, but Wright grabs him and hits an inverted atomic drop to take control once again. He sends PK off the ropes and meets him with a jumping leg lariat, going for a cover himself. 1... 2... But Knight kicks out. Wright shoves him into the corner, measures him and fires off the chops. *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” But Knight grabs Wright and switches positions, firing off some chops of his own. *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” Knight goes to whip him into the opposite corner, but Wright reverses and sends PK crashing into it. He charges after him, going for a Stinger splash, but PK gets out of the way and Wright hits the turnbuckles. PK goes to capitalize...but gets tripped AGAIN by Bohemoth out of Hebner’s view. COLE Dammit, this is a handicap match! PK quickly gets to his feet and leans through the ropes, trying to grab at Bo, which draws over Hebner again. This time, Wright takes advantage, charging and taking PK’s left knee out with a chop block, sending him collapsing to the mat in a heap. Wright immediately hones in on the knee, stomping it, kicking it and grabbing Knight’s foot and trying to yank it out of the socket. He drapes PK’s foot on the bottom rope, grabs the top rope, leaps, and drives his weight down onto it before stepping on it and using the ropes once more for leverage. Hebner counts again, and again has to pull Wright off and back him away, which allows Bohemoth to grab the left leg and ram it into the apron once...twice...three times before quickly backing off as Hebner turns back. COLE These two are blatantly taking advantage of the leniency referees give in title matches. Wright KNOWS he has less of a chance of being disqualified in this situation. CABOOSE Then how about the referees actually, you know, DOING THEIR JOBS? Wright drags Knight, hopping on one foot, up by the hair and grabs the bad leg, delivering a few shots to the knee before wrenching it and sending PK back to the mat with a dragon whip. He goes for a cover. 1... 2... Kickout. COLE As we’ve seen the last few months, Peter Knight is not one to give up easily. He’s going to fight through this pain and find his opening. COACH That’s fine. Christian Wright will just keep trying to cripple him. No skin off his back. Wright drives his own knee into Knight’s left one and holds it there, pulling back on the foot to cause more agony. He drags PK up again just so he has to hobble on the injured leg, delivering a kick to it to send him down again. Wright laughs as the crowd rains down the boos. He drags Knight up again to bully him some more, but PK meets him with a shot to the gut. “Yeahhhhhhh!” Wright retaliates with a forearm to the back, but Knight fires off another shot. Wright forearms him again and yanks him by the hair, but PK slaps his hands away and *SMACK* fires off a right to the jaw. “YEAHHHHH!!” *SMACK* and another. *SMACK* and another. Knight starts to feel it and, on one leg, punches Wright against the ropes. He shoots him off and charges, but Wright leapfrogs him and Bohemoth gets a sucker shot to the knee of Knight, bringing him down once again. Wright pounces, dragging Knight to the middle of the ring and holding his leg, yelling to the crowd “THAT’S IT” before spinning around the leg. COACH Figure four! That might do it here! Wright slaps the hold on right in the middle of the ring and the crowd rises as one. CABOOSE I don't know how long Knight can last here. Wright puts as much pressure as he can on the knee and Knight screams in pain at the agonizing hold. Hebner is right on top of things, ready to call for the bell at a submission but he doesn't notice Wright reaching his hands back and Bohemoth grabbing them, giving Wright more leverage. "BOOOOOOOO!" CABOOSE There you go! They break before Hebner can notice, but a few moments later they're back at it. Knight cries out in pain again. “BOOOOOOOO......YEAHHHHH!!” Suddenly the crowd notices a figure sprinting down the aisle. COLE WAIT A MINUTE!!! Leon Rodez!! Bohemoth, his back to the aisle, has no idea where the cheers are coming from until he feels Rodez jump on him, peppering him with fists. The Silky Smooth One pulls him to the ground as Hebner takes his attention away from checking for a submission to trying to break up the fight, waving for more help. CABOOSE They’re going at it in a little while. Couldn’t he just wait? COLE Rodez was sick of Bohemoth interjecting himself in this match and decided to do something about it. Meanwhile, Wright notices Rodez beating on his bodyguard and releases the hold. He starts to step out to the apron after him, but suddenly remembers the agreement. Rodez grabs Bohemoth by his pants and tank top and sends him crashing into the barrier before turning his attention to Wright and demanding him come down and get it on. CABOOSE Remember, these two can’t go at it or they’re suspended. Rodez is going to stupidly throw his career away just like that! More officials rush down to separate Bohemoth and Rodez while also keeping Rodez from Wright. Christian continues to trade words with Rodez and pays no attention to his opponent in the ring, who is now stirring. Knight slowly gets to his feet and stumbles over to Wright, rolling him up into a pin. The fans at ringside frantically gesture for Hebner to get back in and he does, getting in position for the count. 1... 2... But the delay is enough for Wright to get over the surprise and kick out. Both men get to their feet and Knight tries a punch, but Wright ducks it, quickly shifts his weight and *SMACK* pops Knight in the jaw with a superkick. On the outside, Bohemoth has recovered and lunges for Rodez, the mass of officials unable to control the situation. Wright steps out to the apron, looking skyward and taking a deep breath. He scales the corner and the crowd stands once again. CABOOSE Wright’s going for the Holy Grail. Knight’s reign might be one and done right now! Wright hesitates on top, looking down at the fracas at ringside and yelling insults at Rodez, telling him “Watch this, you deviant!” and leaps..... *WHAM* “YEAHHHHHHHH!!!” COLE Nobody home!!! Wright grabs his ribs in pain as Knight uses the ropes to drag himself to his feet. He waves for Wright to get up and when he does, Knight scoops him up in a fireman’s carry! CABOOSE Dammit, I hate this. Knight starts to turn him, but the pain in his knee is too great and it buckles sightly, causing PK to drop Wright and hobble to his feet. Wright sees the opening and shoots himself off the rope....but PK sees him coming and, hopping on one leg, scoops him up in the fireman's carry again and...... *WHAM* Hits the Knightmare! “YEAHHHHHHH!!!!” COLE He hit the Knightmare ON ONE LEG!!! Knight grits his teeth, dragging his battered leg with him over to the fallen Wright and making the cover. ONNNNNNNNNNNE TWOOOOOOOOOO THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!! “YEAHHHHHHHHH” *DING DING* COLE And Knight retains!! Another tough fight where PK ends up with the victory. BUFFER Llllladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, STILL the OAOAST X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLD, Peterrrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiight!!!! Knight leans against the ropes to put the weight off his leg and accepts his belt. Bohemoth checks on Wright as Rodez stares at the scene, a look of contentment on his face. CABOOSE Look at him, so proud of himself that he RUINED a good match. He just pissed off a very big man, so I don’t like his chances later tonight. COLE We’re going to take a break to get everything calmed down, but don’t go anywhere. More great action coming up, tonight on HeldDOWN~! Commercial break. Buy the DVD of School's Out, with special footage of EMTs picking glass out of Chris Stevens' ass!

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! La La plays over the opening video and we cut to the sold out Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan. CUE THE FIREWORKS! We sweep over the crowd, focusing in on signs such as four fans holding large black letters that spell "H-O-F-F" and next to them, four fans with red letters that spell "A-X-E-L." More crane shots (hey, those things are expensive, so we might as well get the most out of it) send us over to Sofa Central and TRIPLE CEE!! COLE We are just over a week away from License to Pin and the OAOAST brings you HeldDOWN live from Deee-troit, Michigan. I'm Michael Cole along with Caboose and Jonathan Coachman, whose eyesight seems to have returned to normal. COACH Great, something ELSE to make me a running gag around here. CABOOSE What isn't a gag is what we witnessed last week with Zack Malibu and Drek Stone. I know Zack and he meant every single word he said about not letting Stone destroy the great tradition of this company. This situation is getting more tense by the week. COLE We've got a big show again for you tonight, TWO title matches have been signed as Bohemoth defends his HI-YAH Heavyweight title against the Silky Smooth One, Leon Rodez and Peter Knight has his first defense of the X-Title against Christian Wright. COACH And don't forget, Axel is back in da house! We should hear from him as well. *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!* "YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! COLE But we're going to kick it off with the #1 contender for the OAOAST title! "Black" hits the arena loudspeakers and Hoff steps onto the stage! Wearing his signature "H" t-shirt and jeans, the big man throws a fist into the air, then heads down the aisle with a serious expression, not stopping to slap any hands or point out any cool signs. COLE And I hate to be cliche....but LISTEN TO THIS OVATION!! The Michigan faithful are on their feet, cheering for the superstar powerhouse as he slides into the ring under the bottom rope. The "HOFF" chant is already in full effect as he pops to his feet, climbing the near corner ropes and throwing his arm high into the air, letting out a roar as flashbulbs spark across the arena. Hoff steps off the ropes, and the fans quiet down as he takes a house mic. HOFF Welcome. "TO THE FUTURE!!!" the fans scream in unison, before giving Hoff a renewed cheer. CABOOSE I'm so glad he's out of the booth. COACH I knew you missed me! CABOOSE Yeah, right. Hoff's expression remains stern as he raises the mic. HOFF So last week, as we eminated LIVE from my hometown, I got to take a good look at the action. The rest of this company was on display, and I had front-row seats. And you know what? I was damn impressed. The crowd lets out a cheer for all of its OAOAST superstars, appreciating their talents. HOFF Oh, yeah. I saw two guys kill each other, brawling across the entire damn mall. I saw two men I hate take the fight to a couple of young kids, and I saw the kids rise to the occassion. COLE Hoff obviously talking about the Skater Boiz... HOFF I saw a man that I have gained a tremendous amount of respect for drop Drek Stone on his ass and pin him to the mat, one-two-three, and I smiled, and I cheered just as loud as anybody. "LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON!" HOFF I saw a company that I am proud to be a part of, and a group of men -- and women -- that I will be honored to represent. CABOOSE Aww, please. Cut this out. The fans rise, giving Hoff, and moreover, the entire roster, a standing ovation. HOFF Absolutely, guys. Give them a hand, they deserve it. "O-A-O-A-S-T! *clap* *clap*" "O-A-O-A-S-T! *clap* *clap*" "O-A-O-A-S-T! *clap* *clap*" "O-A-O-A-S-T! *clap* *clap*" COLE This is a hell of a moment, guys. COACH Holla, playa. Hoff nods, smiling, before he continues. HOFF But that's why I'm out here. You see, last week, as I was watching from ringside, there was one guy I didn't see. The guy who's supposed to be the embodiment of this company. The World Heavyweight Champion. AXEL. Axel's name draws a good-sized cheer from the crowd. COACH Hey, that's right, Axel wasn't at the show last week! CABOOSE Was he with you getting your nails done? COACH No! And--HEY!! HOFF Oh yeah, Axel. See, I was waiting for you all night. Waiting to see you in the ring. I wanted to get one more up close and personal look at the man I'd be facing August 28th at Angleslam. But, Axel was nowhere to be found. COLE Hoff sounds like he's taking this a little personally! CABOOSE He probably missed having a lame friend to pal around with the next day. He needed a shopping buddy! HAW! HOFF Now Axel...as far as I'm concerned, you've been a great champion. You've taken on all comers, and even though you hit some problems, you rose up and overcame each and every one, and you earned my respect, pal. You can believe that. But Axel, the fact is, you're not the man anymore. Your torch is about to be passed, whether you like it or not. And my torch is about to be lit. You're looking at the new standard bearer in the OAOAST. "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" HOFF But it's like a true legend once said: to be the man.....you gotta beat the man. "WOOOOOOOOOO!" HOFF So it goes like this. If Axel's not going to be around to be your champion, then I will. And I may not have a shiny gold belt, but I've got a ticket to the biggest dance of all time. The dream shot...the thing I've been bustng my ass to get. My shot. My pass to Angleslam. My #1 contendership. COLE Is Hoff saying what I think he is? HOFF And startng TONIGHT, in this very ring, I will defend that title shot against any and all comers. I will take my right to face the World Champion and lay it on the line, against anyone who thinks they have what it takes, because after all I've gone through to get this shot....the blood, the sweat, and the tears...I know that there is no one, no one, that can take it from me. COLE He is! Hoff's gonna defend the #1 contendership, just like it was the World Title! The fans roar in approval...when suddenly, the lights go down!! COLE What the hell! A familiar bat hits the arena... dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun AWW, AWW, AWWWWW!! "SEXY BOY" hits and the fans mark out for the arrival of SOME GUY!! COLE WHOA!! Some Guy smiles at Hoff from the top of the ramp before walking down the aisle. In good spirits, the veteran fan-favorite takes off his Red Sox cap and tosses it into the crowd before hitting the ring, stepping through the ropes and spinning around as Hoff watches on with more than a mild curiosity. Some Guy comes out of his spin, doing the stretch and posing with his fist in the air. COLE Is Some Guy out here to take Hoff up on his offer? CABOOSE I doubt they're going to sit down and have a roundtable discussion, Michael. Some Guy steps forward and looks at Hoff as the lights go up. The crowd is buzzing as Hoff takes a step forward as well, raising his jaw and looking down at Some Guy. COLE These two teamed up a few weeks ago to take on Drek Stone and the GPX, but I don't think I've ever seen them face to face before. CABOOSE Well, cherish these moments, Cole. The two men stare each other down, both trying to get a read on the other. After a few intense moments, SG holds out his hand, and Hoff hands him the microphone. With a slight smile, Some Guy holds it to his lips... SOME GUY So it looks like the Hoff-stepper is steppin' up. The fans cheer as Hoff, arms folded across his chest, nods. SG nods back, still smiling. SOME GUY Well I gotta respect that. But Hoff, if you're looking for an opponent, look no further. Hoff strokes his goatee, raising his eyebrows as the fans cheer. CABOOSE WHAT?! This clown didn't even win last week! COLE He may not have beat Alfdogg, but he put on one hell of a show! SOME GUY Y'see, Hoff...while I respect you, and while I trust that you're not in cahoots with the big bad Stone, it seems to me that you're awfully young. Not that that's a bad thing-- the S-G isn't an old man himself-- but the fact is, you've climbed that mountain pretty high, pretty fast. Hoff shrugs, looking a little put-off by the remark. SOME GUY Now don't get me wrong, big man-- you've earned it. And you might be the hottest new star to come into this company in a long, long time. But as much as you deserve it, I think that I just might deserve it as well. You see, even before you got here, I've been breaking my neck and busting my ass for this company. I've been in match after match, and I've been in the ring with all of 'em. Anglesault...CWM...Zack Malibu. Even you Caboose. SG points at Caboose, drawing a cheer from the fans. CABOOSE Ah, bugger off, ya wanker. SOME GUY And through it all, in my career, I can count the title shots I've had on one hand. See, why Zack Malibu was the franchise and the savior, Some Guy was a supporting player. But I'm back, baby, and I think these fans agree that there ain't many cats like me out there. "YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" SOME GUY So whaddya say, big man? How about you and me lock up and I get my shot at the big dance? Hoff and Some Guy, in this ring, TO-NIGHT?! The fans let out a MASSIVE cheer! Hoff smiles, chuckling to himself, before he takes the mic back... HOFF You know, if you wanted a match, you could have just ASKED... COLE IS HE SAYING WHAT I THINK HE IS? CABOOSE God, SHUT UP!! Hoff nods with approval. HOFF Well you want it, Some Guy, then you got it! You get your shot at MY shot, right here, tonight! But Some Guy, remember one thing. When it's all over, and the dust has settled, and the smoke has cleared. You will know....that the future "FUTURE!!".....has "HAS!!" ................"ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" HOFF Arrived. "Black" hits to a monstrous pop, and Some Guy spares one last glance at the #1 contender before stepping through the ropes and hopping onto the floor. Hoff looks down at him before turning to the fans, climbing the near corner and throwing his fist into the air. COLE Well WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Tonight, in this very ring, it's going to be Hoff, one-on-one, against SOME GUY for the number one contendership and a title shot at Angleslam! CABOOSE I hope, for his sake, Hoff knows what he's doing. COACH It's gonna be a hot one, playas! We shift to the locker room area and find Zack Malibu sitting on a bench in front of his locker taping up his wrists. A collective cheer comes up from the Joe Louis crowd, though there are a few noticeable boos from Drek supporters. His head comes up as he hears a knock on the door. MALIBU Yeah? Zack stands as the door swings open and Peter Knight walks into the frame, causing more cheers to rise from the crowd. Zack looks a bit surprised as he slaps hands with the X-Champion MALIBU Hey, what’s up? This is a bit of a surprise. KNIGHT Yeah, I know, I’m not the most sociable guy in the locker room, but I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. ZACK Yeah? Shoot. KNIGHT It’s about what you and Drek Stone were talking about last week, about legacies and traditions and all that. Ever since I returned, I’ve had to listen to that guy week in and week out whine about how you and the rest of the “old timers” are keeping him back. Well, that’s just complete bullshit! He’s BEEN champion, he’s BEEN on top. The only thing “keeping him back” is the fact that he’s a smug, arrogant jackass! The crowd cheers, with more boos from the Drek Squad. KNIGHT (CONT’D) Drek talked about how you stacked HeldDOWN with stars while letting IntenseZone fall apart? When I was tag champs with Parka, we tried to stay away from IZ as much as possible because that show had absolutely nothing going for it, but that wasn’t YOUR fault. IntenseZone failed because THEY let it fail. You play the hand that’s dealt to you; you don’t bitch to the dealer. Crystal, Drek, GPX, all they’re DOING is bitching now and not stepping to the plate and backing it up. You know why Drek didn’t throw down when you wanted him to last week? He’s scared. I saw this kinda thing plenty of times in the cage: a young kid runs his mouth, saying he can whoop the ass of anyone alive, but when someone calls him on it, he gets scared, afraid that HIS ass will be the one that’s kicked in. You saw the look he had on his face when I made him think I was tagging with Rodez, right? That’s the same look he had when you slapped the taste out of his mouth. Now, Drek’s not stupid; he knows that to get his plan going, he’s gotta make more people buy his line of bullshit and he has, but when it all comes to a head (he puts his hand out), I’m backing the tradition. Zack nods thoughtfully. A smirk comes across his face as he takes the offered hand. MALIBU I appreciate that, really. KNIGHT And then, maybe I can do what I've wanted to do for 2 years: see what I can do against the Franchise of the OaOast. Both chuckle. MALIBU We'll see. Good luck defending that tonight....champ. They slap hands again and PK leaves, the camera staying on Zack, who is still nodding. COLE An emphatic statement from our X-Champion, who is solidly in the Originals camp. That might be a HUGE addition to their ranks. We’ll be back right after this. Commercial break

The following is a presentation of the OAOAST The show opens tonight with a graphic that reads *LAST WEEK ON HeldDOWN~!* Flash back to the Mall of America and Zack Malibu walking to the ring. ZACK MALIBU I'm out here tonight for a reason, and I'm going to be honest with you people......Recently I've come under fire by a group of talent back there that you're all familiar with........Actually, it's selfish of me to say that, because it seems they have a grudge against this whole company.....For a group of guys that have stated they're doing this to prove themselves, guys, the only thing you're proving is that you're chickenshits! The crowd roars as Zack nods his head. ZACK (CONT'D) They've made up this reasons in their heads that allow them to focus their aggressions on us, and if you're gonna keep coming, then I don't know about the others, but I'm going to come back at you tenfold, head on! If you want respect in this company, you need to earn your stripes......Do you know why I'm respected, heralded as the Golden Boy, as The Franchise...... It's because I never made an excuse for what I did, I just went out and did it...... if anyone...if ANYONE has made sure this company stood tall and never crumbled, never showed any cracks in its foundation, it is ME, and I am damn sure not going to sit back and watch you try to take this company, a house that was built on the blood spilt by myself, by CWM, by Caboose, by Anglesault himself, and bring it crashing to the ground! Just Close Your Eyes hits and we see Drek Stone walking to the ring DREK STONE You talk about earning respect? I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion, I should already HAVE your respect, as well as the respect of each and every one of these god damned people that are sitting on their asses in this arena and at their houses....... That the foundation of the OAOAST was built on the blood of you and your peers, well you know what? I spit on that foundation and I'll spill the blood of every single one of you, YOU ESPECIALLY, because it makes me sick.....You want to talk about your legacies? YOUR LEGACIES WILL NOT UNDERMINE MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS!......What about Sly Sommers, Zack? The minute he says something derogatory about the great Zack Malibu, you get him canned like Chicken of the Sea! Northstar? The minute he catches on, the minute he has a chance to be "there", to be at your level, you wrap a chair around his throat and ship him off, never to be seen again.....YOU COULDN'T HANDLE THE FACT THAT SOMEONE, SOMEDAY, MIGHT PROVE THEMSELF TO BE BETTER THAN YOU!..... ZACK MALIBU I will not let this company crumble, because this company has given me a home, they have given me respect, and they have given me a life that I wouldn't trade in for anything......I will NOT LET SOME PUNK TRYING TO MAKE A QUICK NAME FOR HIMSELF TELL ME THAT WHAT I'M DOING IS WRONG!.....If YOU want to make a name, Drek, let's see YOU earn it. You've got my attention these days, but I ask you, face to face, man to man... Zack gets in close MALIBU ...what are YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? *Slap* The slap Zack gives Drek is repeated three times, with a gunshot-like sound effect added in. MALIBU THAT is what you've earned from me, Drek Stone.....You talk about breaking the barriers, you talk about some revolution, what does it all mean if you don't respect the legacy of this company?.....If you are what you say you are, if you think that you can do what you've promised for weeks now, then I want to see it......I want you to drop that mic, I'll drop mine, and I want to see you take me out! The staredown commences. DREK You know what, Malibu? Your time is coming...but it's not now. Drek walks to the back in slow motion. We fade out on a closeup of Zack in the ring watching him go.

And then UPN can just yank the show from the air and put in more Veronica Mars reruns. Either that or edit out the Hassan segments themselves.

All they probably will have to do is remove that scene from the game entirely (which, let's be honest, they should have done in the first place) and it should go back to an M rating.

Man, I should steal HTQ's idea and make a blog post of all the idiotic things I read on the Yankee and Red Sox boards on ESPN.com. Tino Martinez hits two home runs and people think he's "back" and that Bubba freakin' Crosby should take over for Bernie in center. Meanwhile, the Sox board has turned into "Idiotic Trade Proposal/Rumor Central". I think we've found the sports version of the GameFAQ forums.

One of the guys on ATH had a good line about how in two years the kid will holding out from Kidnergarten

*DING DING DING* BUFFER Llladies and gentlemen, the following match, scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit, is for the OAOAST X-Division Championship of the World!! CUE: [i]Creep[/i] The Radiohead hit begins as the arena lights go down and a single spotlight illuminates the entrance. The boos come down in buckets as Christian Wright walks through the curtain, the HI-YAH Heavyweight champ Bohemoth by his side. He waits for the first “but I’m a creep” and pulls the hood of his robe down, throwing his hands to the side and looking up, almost drinking in the hatred of the crowd. BUFFER Introducing first; being accompanied to the ring by the HI-YAH Heavyweight champion Bohemoth, he is from Raleigh, North Carolina weighing in at 233 pounds...Christiaaaaaaaaaaan Wriiiiiiiiight!!! COLE We haven’t seen much of Wright in the ring lately, but that doesn’t mean he’s been quiet. He went to Japan to watch his man Bohemoth win the HI-YAH championship and brought in Serena Blackmore for our women’s division to help with this inane “crusade” Wright seems to be on in the OaOast. COACH But Serena’s cute and dangerous, and the Coach likes that. CUE: [i]Oh Hell Yeah[/i] “YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” The crowd goes NUTSBONKERSCUCKOO!!! as Peter Knight walks out, the X-Title belt strapped around his waist. BUFFER And his opponent. He is from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at 265 pounds, the reigning X-Division champion of the WOOOORRRLD...Peterrrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiiiight!!! COACH Hey, that rhymes. Wright-Knight Knight-Wright. CABOOSE I got a rhyme as well: I hate you. Knight slides into the ring and unstraps the belt, raising it into the air as the flashbulbs go off. COLE These two men have been the subject of some rumors going around regarding the X-Title and a “big match” at License to Pin next Sunday, so we’ll look into that and hopefully have an announcement by next week’s show. PK surrenders the belt to referee Earl Hebner, who shows it to Wright before lifting it into the air, turning to all four sides of the ring and handing it off to Buffer while Bohemoth and Wright whisper to each other. Hebner orders Bo to the floor and he complies, slapping Wright on the shoulder in a “good luck” gesture. *DING DING* Knight and Wright forgo circling each other and just lock up right off. Knight gets the upper hand and backs Wright into the corner, cleanly breaking at three. Bohemoth shouts encouragement as Knight waves Wright on. Another lockup, and Wright grabs a side headlock but Knight backs him into the ropes and shoots him off. He tries a clothesline, which is ducked by Wright and he bounces off the opposite strands, looking for a clothesline himself, but Knight surprises him by grasping Wright and taking him down with a release overhead belly to belly. Wright slaps the mat in frustration as Knight smiles at him, waving him on again. Wright slides out of the ring for a breather. COLE Ever since he’s won the X-Title, we have seen a VERY focused and confident Knight. He truly wants to show what he’s got as a champion. CABOOSE Confident? Try cocky. He’s finally got gold and it’s gone to his head. Hebner begins his count, but Wright ignores him to have a powwow with Bohemoth. The camera tries to get close, but Bo shoves it away. COACH KENNY ROGERS’D!! Hebner gets to five and leans through the ropes to order Wright back in. Wright gets another slap on the shoulder from Bohemoth and climbs back into the ring, trading words with Hebner as he steps through the ropes. They lockup once more and this time Wright takes control, backing Knight into the corner. 1...2...3...4...5...Wright won’t break, so Hebner has to intervene and force the two apart. He backs Wright away and gives him a warning, but that’s just what Wright wants. Knight goes to walk out of the corner, but Bohemoth grabs his right ankle, causing PK to trip to the mat. Knight scrambles to his feet and looks out towards Bo, which draws Hebner over to break it up. COLE Oh come on. Why the hell is that guy out here anyway? CABOOSE You REALLY must be seeing things Michael. All I saw was a damn klutz tripping over himself. Knight pleads his case to Earl, but Earl points at his own eyes, telling PK that he has to see it himself. They lockup once more and PK grabs a headlock. Wright pushes him towards the corner and follows up, but Knight meets him with a foot to the face, followed by a clothesline. He drops down for a cover. 1... But Wright kicks out. Knight drags him up by the hair and hooks in a front facelock, grabbing a hold of Wright’s cargo pants and *WHAM* taking him over with a snap suplex before slapping on a rear chinlock to try and weaken him, keeping an eye on Bohemoth as he does so. Bo just puts his arms out and says “What’re you looking at?” COLE Peter Knight trying to wear Wright down a bit in this X-Title match. COACH Speaking of the X-Title, Leon Rodez is a former champion and hasn’t been on good terms with Wright for the last month or so. The “no-contact” agreement in place that prevents them from physically assaulting each other or both men will be gone for the year. Knight releases the hold and goes for another cover. 1... 2... But Wright kicks out once more. Knight drags him up again, but Wright grabs him and hits an inverted atomic drop to take control once again. He sends PK off the ropes and meets him with a jumping leg lariat, going for a cover himself. 1... 2... But Knight kicks out. Wright shoves him into the corner, measures him and fires off the chops. *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” But Knight grabs Wright and switches positions, firing off some chops of his own. *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOO!” Knight goes to whip him into the opposite corner, but Wright reverses and sends PK crashing into it. He charges after him, going for a Stinger splash, but PK gets out of the way and Wright hits the turnbuckles. PK goes to capitalize...but gets tripped AGAIN by Bohemoth out of Hebner’s view. COLE Dammit, this is a handicap match! PK quickly gets to his feet and leans through the ropes, trying to grab at Bo, which draws over Hebner again. This time, Wright takes advantage, charging and taking PK’s left knee out with a chop block, sending him collapsing to the mat in a heap. Wright immediately hones in on the knee, stomping it, kicking it and grabbing Knight’s foot and trying to yank it out of the socket. He drapes PK’s foot on the bottom rope, grabs the top rope, leaps, and drives his weight down onto it before stepping on it and using the ropes once more for leverage. Hebner counts again, and again has to pull Wright off and back him away, which allows Bohemoth to grab the left leg and ram it into the apron once...twice...three times before quickly backing off as Hebner turns back. COLE These two are blatantly taking advantage of the leniency referees give in title matches. Wright KNOWS he has less of a chance of being disqualified in this situation. CABOOSE Then how about the referees actually, you know, DOING THEIR JOBS? Wright drags Knight, hopping on one foot, up by the hair and grabs the bad leg, delivering a few shots to the knee before wrenching it and sending PK back to the mat with a dragon whip. He goes for a cover. 1... 2... Kickout. COLE As we’ve seen the last few months, Peter Knight is not one to give up easily. He’s going to fight through this pain and find his opening. COACH That’s fine. Christian Wright will just keep trying to cripple him. No skin off his back. Wright drives his own knee into Knight’s left one and holds it there, pulling back on the foot to cause more agony. He drags PK up again just so he has to hobble on the injured leg, delivering a kick to it to send him down again. Wright laughs as the crowd rains down the boos. He drags Knight up again to bully him some more, but PK meets him with a shot to the gut. “Yeahhhhhhh!” Wright retaliates with a forearm to the back, but Knight fires off another shot. Wright forearms him again and yanks him by the hair, but PK slaps his hands away and *SMACK* fires off a right to the jaw. “YEAHHHHH!!” *SMACK* and another. *SMACK* and another. Knight starts to feel it and, on one leg, punches Wright against the ropes. He shoots him off and charges, but Wright leapfrogs him and Bohemoth gets a sucker shot to the knee of Knight, bringing him down once again. Wright pounces, dragging Knight to the middle of the ring and holding his leg, yelling to the crowd “THAT’S IT” before spinning around the leg. COACH Figure four! That might do it here! Wright slaps the hold on right in the middle of the ring and the crowd rises as one. CABOOSE I don't know how long Knight can last here. Wright puts as much pressure as he can on the knee and Knight screams in pain at the agonizing hold. Hebner is right on top of things, ready to call for the bell at a submission but he doesn't notice Wright reaching his hands back and Bohemoth grabbing them, giving Wright more leverage. "BOOOOOOOO!" CABOOSE There you go! They break before Hebner can notice, but a few moments later they're back at it. Knight cries out in pain again. “BOOOOOOOO......YEAHHHHH!!” Suddenly the crowd notices a figure sprinting down the aisle. COLE WAIT A MINUTE!!! Leon Rodez!! Bohemoth, his back to the aisle, has no idea where the cheers are coming from until he feels Rodez jump on him, peppering him with fists. The Silky Smooth One pulls him to the ground as Hebner takes his attention away from checking for a submission to trying to break up the fight, waving for more help. CABOOSE They’re going at it in a little while. Couldn’t he just wait? COLE Rodez was sick of Bohemoth interjecting himself in this match and decided to do something about it. Meanwhile, Wright notices Rodez beating on his bodyguard and releases the hold. He starts to step out to the apron after him, but suddenly remembers the agreement. Rodez grabs Bohemoth by his pants and tank top and sends him crashing into the barrier before turning his attention to Wright and demanding him come down and get it on. CABOOSE Remember, these two can’t go at it or they’re suspended. Rodez is going to stupidly throw his career away just like that! More officials rush down to separate Bohemoth and Rodez while also keeping Rodez from Wright. Christian continues to trade words with Rodez and pays no attention to his opponent in the ring, who is now stirring. Knight slowly gets to his feet and stumbles over to Wright, rolling him up into a pin. The fans at ringside frantically gesture for Hebner to get back in and he does, getting in position for the count. 1... 2... But the delay is enough for Wright to get over the surprise and kick out. Both men get to their feet and Knight tries a punch, but Wright ducks it, quickly shifts his weight and *SMACK* pops Knight in the jaw with a superkick. On the outside, Bohemoth has recovered and lunges for Rodez, the mass of officials unable to control the situation. Wright steps out to the apron, looking skyward and taking a deep breath. He scales the corner and the crowd stands once again. CABOOSE Wright’s going for the Holy Grail. Knight’s reign might be one and done right now! Wright hesitates on top, looking down at the fracas at ringside and yelling insults at Rodez, telling him “Watch this, you deviant!” and leaps..... *WHAM* “YEAHHHHHHHH!!!” COLE Nobody home!!! Wright grabs his ribs in pain as Knight uses the ropes to drag himself to his feet. He waves for Wright to get up and when he does, Knight scoops him up in a fireman’s carry! CABOOSE Dammit, I hate this. Knight starts to turn him, but the pain in his knee is too great and it buckles sightly, causing PK to drop Wright and hobble to his feet. Wright sees the opening and shoots himself off the rope....but PK sees him coming and, hopping on one leg, scoops him up in the fireman's carry again and...... *WHAM* Hits the Knightmare! “YEAHHHHHHH!!!!” COLE He hit the Knightmare ON ONE LEG!!! Knight grits his teeth, dragging his battered leg with him over to the fallen Wright and making the cover. ONNNNNNNNNNNE TWOOOOOOOOOO THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!! “YEAHHHHHHHHH” *DING DING* COLE And Knight retains!! Another tough fight where PK ends up with the victory. BUFFER Llllladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, STILL the OAOAST X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLD, Peterrrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiight!!!! Knight leans against the ropes to put the weight off his leg and accepts his belt. Bohemoth checks on Wright as Rodez stares at the scene, a look of contentment on his face. CABOOSE Look at him, so proud of himself that he RUINED a good match. He just pissed off a very big man, so I don’t like his chances later tonight. COLE We’re going to take a break to get everything calmed down, but don’t go anywhere. More great action coming up, tonight on HeldDOWN~!

Although most people thought it was inevitable, the Patriots officially announced that Tedy Bruschi is sitting out the '05 season to recover from his stroke. He's got three rings, so his health should come first. He will be sorely missed on the Pats D though.

Or just play the Devil Rays, as long as it's not Kazmir on the mound that is.

Just putting it here for convenience. We shift to the locker room area and find Zack Malibu sitting on a bench in front of his locker taping up his wrists. A collective cheer comes up from the Joe Louis crowd, though there are a few noticeable boos from Drek supporters. His head comes up as he hears a knock on the door. MALIBU Yeah? Zack stands as the door swings open and Peter Knight walks into the frame, causing more cheers to rise from the crowd. Zack looks a bit surprised as he slaps hands with the X-Champion MALIBU Hey, what’s up? This is a bit of a surprise. KNIGHT Yeah, I know, I’m not the most sociable guy in the locker room, but I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. ZACK Yeah, shoot. KNIGHT It’s about what you and Drek Stone were talking about last week, about legacies and traditions and all that. Ever since I returned, I’ve had to listen to that guy week in and week out whine about how you and the rest of the “old timers” are keeping him back. Well, that’s just complete bullshit! He’s BEEN champion, he’s BEEN on top. The only thing “keeping him back” is the fact that he’s a smug, arrogant jackass! The crowd cheers, with more boos from the Drek Squad. KNIGHT (CONT’D) Drek talked about how you stacked HeldDOWN with stars while letting IntenseZone fall apart? When I was tag champs with Parka, we tried to stay away from IZ as much as possible because that show had absolutely nothing going for it, but that wasn’t YOUR fault. IntenseZone failed because THEY let it fail. You play the hand that’s dealt to you; you don’t bitch to the dealer. Crystal, Drek, GPX, all they’re DOING is bitching now and not stepping to the plate and backing it up. You know why Drek didn’t throw down when you wanted him to last week? He’s scared. I saw this kinda thing plenty of times in the cage: a young kid runs his mouth, saying he can whoop the ass of anyone alive, but when someone calls him on it, he gets scared, afraid that HIS ass will be the one that’s kicked in. You saw the look he had on his face when I made him think I was tagging with Rodez, right? That’s the same look he had when you slapped the taste out of his mouth. Now, Drek’s not stupid; he knows that to get his plan going, he’s gotta make more people buy his line of bullshit and he has, but when it all comes to a head (he puts his hand out), I’m backing the tradition. Zack nods thoughtfully. A smirk comes across his face as he takes the offered hand. MALIBU I appreciate that, really. KNIGHT And then, maybe I can do what I've wanted to do for 2 years: see what I can do against the Franchise of the OaOast. Both chuckle. MALIBU We'll see. Good luck defending that tonight....champ. They slap hands again and PK leaves, the camera staying on Zack, who is still nodding. COLE An emphatic statement from our X-Champion, who is solidly in the Originals camp. That might be a HUGE addition to their ranks. We’ll be back right after this.

I guess we can throw Prince Killings down there as well, see if the guy can learn more moves than a chinlock.

I'm torn between giving Axel the opening segment or Hoff. Convince me you deserve it, starting............NOW!!

I won't let this die! Definitely my favorite epsiode of the season tonight. A lot of humor in this one (the sensitivity seminar being a complete riot). Looks like next week's the "shit hitting the fan" epsiode, regarding Tommy's life at least.

Whoo, Red Sox back in first place! *Shoots off cannons and fireworks* Seriously, and I KNOW it's the Devil Rays, but Schilling seems to be looking better and better, hitting 90 regularly again. Hopefully he'll be back in the rotation sooner rather than later.

Man, if any game has shown every single Yankee weakness in one night any better, than I haven't seen it. 'Course, the Sox can't hit for shit against lefty starters (big shock) and Manny would rather check out the inside of the Monster than get in position to play, so they aren't the only ones with problems. Honestly, the AL East is wide open and will remain so for the rest of the season, I think. The Yankees just have far too many glaring holes to fix with nothing great to fix them with, the Red Sox seem to be on Cruise Control again (though Schilling's looking good). If the O's land Burnett, they've got as good a shot as any. Hey, even Toronto does when Halliday comes back. I wouldn't be surprised at all to see Toronto and Baltimore fighting it out for first with the Yankees and Red Sox close behind and fighting Minnesota for the WC come late-August. 90 wins might be enough for the division this year.

A site completely devoted to making fun of Joe Morgan, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and Skip Bayless.... *Bookmarks*

Ok, everyone can come out of their shelters; the Red Sox-Yankees series is over. You can freely discuss your teams without fear of being bumped aside.

HSX For those who've never heard of it, this is a virtual stock exchange, but instead of companies, you buy and sell shares of movies and actors, with their value rising and falling based on how much their movies gross in the box office. Some of my trades: - I bought 750 shares in Hustle and Flow, 500 in Anthony Anderson (since he's it it) and 2500 shares that it would gross more than $10 million its debut weekend. Hey, if You Got Served can do well, this can too. - 2000 shares in The Wedding Crashers and 5000 shares of an option that it will gross over $100M by September 5th. I've forgotten how fun this is. Anyone else do this?

What, the other 45 "turning point" games weren't it? If they don't go 2-5 on this next road trip, it might be.

Yay, Manny hit a homer! Too bad no one was on base. Looking ahead here, I don't think I'm being unfair in saying Boston has the more favorable schedule of the two teams over the next few weeks. Sox have two series against Tampa (with a 4-gamer at the White Sox in between) and the Yankees have to go to Texas and Anaheim before hosting Minny and Anaheim. The Yankees rotation is still suspect (Leiter will NOT pitch like he did tonight every start), so hopefully the Sox will still hold the lead at the trading deadline.

I demand royalties for that open.