King Cucaracha

Which'd explain alot. Chiefly her mannish facial features. That video is ass too. The shots where she's laying next to the dalmation look like they belong in an Electric Six video they're so cheesy and stupid.

COLE Fans, we promised you footage here tonight from the home of OAOAST World Champion Zack Malibu and right now, we have that footage ready and waiting. Ahead of, what promises to be one of the most personal and emotional matches in OAOAST history for the OAOAST World Title at School's Out. The ties run deep for Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez. Former tag team partners, former tag team champions. Once best friends. A bond that went beyond the ring and into their personal lives outside of these arenas. But now there's bitterness and hatred brewing between these two, torn apart by months of contrasting fortunes. Earlier this week, we were asked to provide a camera crew to catch up with Leon ahead of his World Title match. But the former champion had rather unexpected plans for them as he paid a visit to the home of Zack Malibu in Providence. Take a look. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stood outside the picturesque home of OAOAST Franchise Zack Malibu and family, an unshaven and less than immaculate Leon Rodez stands with hands in pockets. Scowling, he reaches out and jabs the doorbell once before going back to his sorry pose. A few impatient seconds later, the door opens to reveal former Women's Champion and wife of Zack, Candie, apparantly expecting Leon and not looking very pleased about the situation. Leon doesn't even bother to look up and make eye contact at first but is forced to when Candie doesn't motion him in. CANDIE I'm not sure this is such a good idea Leon. LEON Why not? What do you think I'm going to do, huh? CANDIE I don't know what to think anymore. Used to the sound of people's disappointment by now, Leon ignores it from Candie. LEON If you were worried about what I was capable of, you wouldn't have agreed in the first place. You've known me for five years. You think I've changed [i]that[/i] much in a couple of weeks? Resigned to agree Candie, albeit a little reluctantly, shows Leon in. LEON Where is she? CANDIE Playing in the front room. Just... make it quick, okay? LEON I just need five minutes to say goodbye. You owe me that much at least. CANDIE ...fine. Wandering through the Malibu house Leon finds his way to the front room, not exactly unfamiliar territory. As soon as he steps through the door little Jenna Malibu looks up at her familiar godparent and Leon stops for a second. Leon takes a breath to compose himself, before walking over and crouching down near her makeshift playarea. LEON Mind if I sit down? Jenna carries on playing as Leon sits in silence for a few seconds, perhaps trying to come up with what to say. LEON I'm... afraid I'm not going to be able to visit you for much longer. Uncle Leon's enjoyed the time he spent with you. Which is why he's got to go. Sooner or later, everything good in my life goes wrong. Everything good has to be taken away. So I'm doing it now. Because I can't bear to see you grow disillusioned with life like I am. Leon shakes his head sadly. LEON Pretty soon you'll be growing up. What life awaits you? The daughter of two famous professional wrestlers. They'll tell you you can be anything you want. That they'll be proud of you, no matter what. But you'll feel so pressured into following in their footsteps. And when you find out you're not as good as daddy was, not as good as mommy was and you hear those whispers behind your back, you're in for a miserable existance. Doing a job your parents love. Bitter that you can't live up to their expectations. Stressed that maybe they're not proud of you after all. Disappointment and failure. That's all life really offers anyone. Disappointment and failure. And you'll be ruined when somebody decides that famous parents or not, you haven't made the cut. Left to live your life with regret and "what ifs". Until one night you're thrown out of a bar, paralytic drunk, screaming "don't you know who I am!" as you lay in the gutter. I'll know who you are. And I don't want to see it happen to you. Blissfully unaware of what Leon's actually saying, so caught up in her little game, Jenna hands over one of her dolls to Leon. LEON Look at you. Not a care in the world. You've got no idea the world you've been born into. War. Famine. Crime. Corruption. A world where crooks and villians have all the power. And good hearted people like me are stomped into the ground. What's waiting for you? Either you'll get your dreams stomped on like I have... or you'll be the one manipulating people for your personal gain like your daddy. Either way, I can't bear to watch it happen. So, this is goodbye. Jenna continues playing away while Leon stares distantly towards one of the room's walls. LEON Because most of all, I know that one day... one day very soon, you're going to stop loving me, just like everybody else. You'll grow to hate me for what I'm going to have to do to your daddy. See, your daddy took something away from me that meant a lot. Not just my belt. My faith in human kindness. No good deed goes unpunished? With Zack, no deed, good or bad, is punished. Until now. You're too young to understand and to realise what I do at School's Out is for your daddy's own good. To make him see the errors of his ways, I have to hurt him. The way he hurt me. And I'm sure that victory at School's Out will just be a brief moment of happiness before life shoots me back down, punishes me for the pain I inflict, but I've lived the last five years of my life that way so why try and fight it!? If I'm going to be punished, it might as well be for some I deserve punishing for. That way, maybe I can look back when the dark cloud decends back over my head and instead of wondering "what did I do to deserve this?" over and over again, I'll KNOW what I did to deserve it... and maybe instead of emptiness, I'll feel some enjoyment for a change. Sighing deeply, Leon pulls himself back up. Looking at the doll in his hand he stops. LEON Do you mind if I keep this? Jenna shakes her head. Leon almost manages a smile, as he pockets the doll. LEON I'm sorry. When you're older, you'll understand. Leon starts to leave, stopping short of the doorway. He turns back, waiting for Jenna to look up. LEON Take good care of your daddy when he gets home. I think he might need it. Turning away, Leon looks at the doll in his hands before walking out of the room. COLE (V.O) Eye-opening footage of the full scale of this conflict between Zack Malibu and the embittered and turmoiled Leon Rodez. Leon has severed his ties to his goddaughter and the Malibu family, but for who's benefit was this really for? Jenna's, Leon's, or Zack's? What sort of mental state will an already enraged Zack Malibu be in after seeing this footage? We'll find out this Sunday night at School's Out... don't miss it!

Man, I could barely even pay proper attention to it (which was for the best).

Well Tod/Breslin will be next show you're both available so that'd be a starter. Oh, and *sneezes into thread*.

Leave me a spot (ME spot maybe?) for my Leon promo. All flued up and in no mood for writing tonight.

Anyone who spells it Pheonix by mistake gets a kick in the nuts. Incentive! Last show before School's Out on Sunday, so get building. MARV vs. Biff Atlas Also a segment with Leon.

Will be up either tommorrow or Tuesday, all being well. Opt in or out here to be classed as helpful.

And he feuded for the longest time in England with Big Daddy. EA - SY! EA - SY! EA - SY!

Who had WWF Tag Team Title reigns with Tony Garea

I stuck a little something extra in after the 8-man. If whoever posted The Pit version could ammend...

OAOAST World Title Zack Malibu © vs. Leon Rodez Chicks Over Dicks vs. D*LUX

Battle Of The Band "Tremendous" Tyler vs. "Showtime" Shayne

My stuff's in, sort of. Actually, no sort of, it's in. But late. Sorry.

An update for which I can't be bothered to make a new thread, I just need to get in touch with Toxxic before the show goes up. Which probably won't be tonight. But I do have something for all three of my matches so we're already up on last time! Hooray for re-stability!

I'll have something, but I'm not sure if I'll be back over the weekend to post it. Probably not. So, Monday. Probably something with Leon. And I'll do Bohemoth and Jade vs. Reiger and Lorelei if no-one has any complaints. Maybe something else with it. Alf, for the battle royal I can give you CW, Black, Faqu, Biff and I assume the non-booked tag guys are okay to use unless Patty or Tony have plans. Except D*LUX. No O'Hara either.

Since there was a space, I decided to go ahead and add the Leon interview this show. Tony, if you can add it into The Pit version, pretty sure I can't edit your posts over there. Unlike here. MWUAHAHA.

Our first change of the card! I've had to push it back to Sunday, since I won't be around to mark Thursday or Friday either now. So, enjoy the extra time. And by enjoy I mean do something with it, obviously.

Mental illness, most prob. Trouble is, if (s)he does go nuts and kill a bunch of hookers, screaming "die alkeiper, die" as (s)he does so, we'll never really know for sure. And that speculation will be the real sadness in all of this.

"We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" An icy reception descends as "Shadows Of The Night" plays out the OAOAST Internacional Stable, Cucaracha Internacional. Lead of course by Landon Maddix, not competing tonight but still commanding the spotlight with Megan Skye on his arm. Landon in a dapper white suit wears a big smile on his face, confident in those behind him. James Blonde walks behind Landon, talking up his leader as you'd expect, with Faqu close behind incase he needs controlling, 6-Man Tag Title in his mouth. Behind them is the other third of the 6-Man Champs, Nathaniel Black, sour expression as always. And at the rear, the only man to get any sort of cheers, Todd Cortez the United States Champion. BUFFER The following eight person tag team match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, team number one. Being accompanied to the ring by LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX and MEGAN SKYE. Total combined weight, nine hundred and seventy three pounds. The team consisting of the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... NATHANIEL BLLLAAAAACK... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFAAAAAAQQUUUUUU... "THE TRENDSETTER" JJAAAMMMEEEESSS BBLLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and their partner, the reigning OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion, "THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOOODDDD CCOORRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZ... together, they are CUCARACHA INTERNACCCIIIIOOOONNAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The foursome troupe into the ring, all handing over their championship belts to the referee, while Landon and Megan take up seats at Sofa Central. COLE And it looks like we're being joined at ringside by Landon Maddix and Megan Skye... MADDIX Evening gentlemen, good to be hear. Pity you couldn't have fitted us both with headsets but I realise times are tough. COLE Uhm, actually there should be a fourth headset there somewhere... MADDIX Oh it's not important. Megan is left to sit quietly at Landon's side as he gives the thumbs up towards the ring. Guess which one of the four is the first to return it. The thumbs up abruptly stop as "Makes Me Wonder" is cued up and a roar goes up around the arena. Springing from the mouth of the giant sea creature, the ever popular boyband stroke wrestler sensations D*LUX fire up the crowd. In a blatant suck-up to their partners, Tyler wears purple denim attire while Shayne is in yellow denim, which I'm reliably informed are the colours of some basketball team or another. To show what I know, I nearly typed baseball there. The crowd show off their many D*LUX signs to the cameras as the high-energy Tyler and Shayne march the aisle, hand-slapping their way down as ever. BUFFER And introducing the opponents. First, from the great state of Michigan... the team of "TREMENDOUS" TYLER and "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What a pair of brown-nosers these kids are. In their dreams. Their wet dreams. About Krista and Alix... COLE I think we get the point on that one, yeah. Stopping short of entering the ring, Tyler and Shayne dole out some more hand-tags before pointing the way for their partners. [b][color="pink"]Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend![/b][/color] ***COD ENTRANCE*** BUFFER And their tag team partners! First, from Los Angeles, California, she is a two time 24/7 champion, a multi time Angle Award winner….ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the 2009 Wrestler of the year, best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Together they are four time world tag team champions, Hollywood “It” Girls, America's Sweethearts... CCHHHIIIICCKKSSS OOOOVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" D*LUX lead the crowd in the raucous cheers for the glamour girls of the OAOAST. Sliding into the ring Alix nibbles at the feet of Shayne and Tyler like a playful little puppy, for reasons only she (at best) could explain, while Krista makes her usual eye-popping entrance as she hangs upside down from the top rope and blows a kiss to camera. MADDIX Yowzers. Once inside Krista and Alix glare across the ring at their opposition, D*LUX behind them and not worried at the lack of acknowledgement from Krista, who they know isn't a people person. COLE So eight-person tag team action with Cucaracha Internacional looking to further display their unity and Chicks Over Dicks looking to get back on the winning track over what is surely the worst run of form they've experienced between them in their career. COACH And what about D*LUX. What are they looking for? A quick accidental grope? Maybe a split-second of eye contact with Krista? Wouldn't that be swell! The two teams go through the troubles of trying to figure out who'll start. Blonde is typically eager to impress but Black isn't wasting time on him tonight and guides him out to the apron. On the opposite side Alix calls a team huddle. And after firing up Tyler, running him through some tactics and offering some words of encouragement, she elects Krista to start. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Starting out with Krista, who you've had your fair share of problems with in the past Landon. MADDIX Yeah but that was a while ago, water under the bridge. I don't hold any ill will towards her. COLE Not sure that feeling's mutual. MADDIX The fact is though, her and Alix, great tag team. Same for D*LUX. But they're two great teams of two, where-as they're facing a great team of four in my men. And that's what's important. Unity. Teamwork. There's no 'I' in team and there's no 'I' in Cucaracha either. COLE What about in Internacional? MADDIX ... Krista loosens up with a few muscle stretches, watching very closely by all three of her partners. And Nathaniel Black. As Krista moves out into the middle of the ring Black calls a halt though. Waving Krista away, he encourages her to tag one D*LUX in, encouraging her to "leave the rough stuff to the blokes". Krista wonders aloud what a "bloke" is, to which Black helpfully explains it means "a geezer, a chap, people with bollocks". Still utterly confused Krista wonders aloud again, which she does have a habit of doing let's be honest, at how Nathaniel is "bastardising our language". Black begins to argue just who's language it really is but bored five seconds in, Krista just decides to slap Nathaniel across the face! COLE Krista has no time for misogynists. MADDIX That's a big word for a pretty lady. Apparantly a slap is enough for Black to put aside his reservations about women in wrestling and lunges for Krista, who evades under his arms. Alix quickly drops to the apron and under the ring, skimming in a bowler hat for Krista before Black can turn around. KRISTA (w/terrible cockney accent) CHIM CHIM'ENEY, CHIM CHIM'ENEY, CHIM CHIM CHEROOO, MY MAID DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH AN' 'NOR DOES FAQU! COLE Well it wasn't as bad as Dick Van Dyke. COACH So does that make Krista... uhm... wait, hang on, I know there's a joke in there somewhere with Krista and Dyke, just gimme a second. Just as annoyed by Krista bad accent as the day he first watched Mary Poppins, Black swings for Krista's head with a lariat. Krista ducks again, losing her bowler hat in the process, which is the least of her worries now. She carries on into the ropes and throws herself at Black with a dropkick. Black staggers back a couple of steps, so Krista repeats the move and backs Black up some more. Third time fails to be the charm though as Black swats away the boots. Krista evades an elbowdrop from the Brit though, quickly rolling to her corner and tagging in Alix. As soon as she enters Alix makes a beeline for the bowler hat and skims it at Black, who gets caught right on the end of the nose with it! COLE Mary Poppins, James Bond, Chicks Over Dicks coming strong with the obscure British film references for Nathaniel Black's benefit! Realising she's just further pissed over Black, Alix backpedals. Black gives chase but gets bamboozled by Alix coming back off the ropes and baseball sliding through his legs. Not bothering to move from the mat Alix stays in a sultry lounging pose for the crowd's pleasure... only moving out of the way when Black tries another elbowdrop! COLE Alix and Krista doing what they do best, being so annoyingly elusive. Black stands with hands on hips, glaring at Alix who's retreated to her corner and sits on the turnbuckles with her fists cocked. Having had enough of this cherade Black angrily slaps Blonde's hand, giving him the tag he'd been asking for, although not quite as firmly as he got. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Alright, show 'em what you got James! Seeing as Blonde's now in the ring, Krista pleads with Alix to let her get back in, unable to resist the easy prey she's being presented with. "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" "BLONDE SUCKS!" KRISTA No offence sweetie, but I sure as sugar hope they're talking to you, because if they're saying "blondes suck!" then I might just have to kill myself. Ooh, sweet sneakers! Gold spray-paint. Man, you really are The Trendsetter! BLONDE It's not spray-paint, they're gold. KRISTA Oh. Yeah. Okay. You know when Maya was four... you know Maya, she's my daughter, the youngest and most legitimate one, right? Anyway, when she was four, she got into this strange Barbie girl phase that kids get into and she thought it would be a good idea to spray-paint her shoes pink. Oh, it was so adorable. Of course I hadn't realised at that point she'd decided to spray every pair of shoes in the house pink. Thank goodness it was water soluble, otherwise I might only have one daughter today! I've had the adoption agency on speed-dial ever since that day. BLONDE I'm not a little girl! They're real! I paid about $350 for these. KRISTA Yeah, well, that is Canadian dollars. But even so, you got ripped off, spray-paint's only about $10 in the US. BLONDE They're not spray-painted! LOOK! Reaching down Blonde snatches his foot and twists his leg up so Krista can get a better look. KRISTA Thanks. Grabbing Blonde's now easily accessible foot, Krista yanks it forward and causes the back of Blonde's head to bounce off the canvas! COLE Normally I wouldn't say anybody should be [i]too[/i] ashamed at being embarrassed by Krista. It happens to the very best. But... that was pretty bad. Blonde gets back to his feet as Krista takes off into the ropes. Dropping back to the mat Blonde tries to trip Krista up, but using her limber legs Krista cartwheels right over the top of him! Blonde quickly gets back to his feet expecting another charge from Krista, but so enamoured with her good-looking cartwheel is she that she decides to call a timeout and let it soak in. As Krista stares at the big screen waiting for the instant replay though, Blonde pounces from behind with clubbing forearms. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX There we go! You can't play into Krista's hands by standing and staring, tempting though it may be, you've got to take the fight to her. After a succession of strikes to the back, Blonde loads Krista up looking for an irish whip. The blonde bombshell... that is, Krista... reverses, hitting the mat much like Blonde did. And much like Krista did Blonde pulls off a cartwheel to evade! MADDIX WHOOOO!! Anything Krista can do, JB can do... almost as well! I mean it was good, just not quite as nice looking. COLE You do realise Megan is right next to you, don't you? Nevermind. Blonde revels in having shown Krista up and taunts Alix and D*LUX, for far too long. Behind him Krista stands with hands on hips, waiting for him to finish up his celebrations. When he finally does, he turns around and is met by a spinning heel kick right to the jaw! COLE Amazingly, James Blonde makes the exact same mistake that Krista did. Is he always such a slow learner, Landon? MADDIX No comment. Holding his mouth Blonde scrambles over to his corner, checking for a busted lip as he slaps Faqu across the chest and points him into the ring. COLE Uh-oh. MADDIX If Krista's as smart as she likes to make out, she won't try any of her funny business and schenanigans with this man. Trust me, you don't want to make him mad. Faqu stomps into the ring, eyes widening and breath deepening as he squares up to Krista. KRISTA Hang on there big fellah... thing... whatever you are. I know just the person to take you down. Oh yeah! He's gonna crush you and he's gonna annihilate you, he told me so himself earlier! He also called you 'doughy'. Go easy on him. Krista turns around and tags Shayne Brave, leaving the ring before Shayne knows what's happened. COLE I don't think Shayne was expected that. COACH That's some messed up strategy there, lemme tell ya. Far from eager to get into the ring, Shayne is encouraged by Krista and Alix to go get him. Shayne doesn't buy into the hype but very tentatively enters the ring, facing up to the big Samoan. With a hint of a smile Faqu pounds his chest and yells in his native tongue, further unnerving Shayne. He looks around before getting a sudden surge of confidence and charging... into a BIG clothesline, knocking him down! COLE Krista feeding Shayne to the wolves, or wolf at least. Shayne staggers into a corner and Faqu follows, trapping the boybander in and driving his body weight forward with some splashes from short-range. By the head he then throws Shayne out of the corner, unceremoniously rolling to his feet. Faqu charges out of the corner looking for another clothesline. But Shayne ducks and comes off the ropes with a forearm that barely shakes the Samoan. Trying again, Shayne fares little better with a second forearm. Hitting the ropes a third time he ducks underneath a swing from Faqu and leaves his feet... ...only to get SWATTED out of the air!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista and Alix turn to each other and shrug their shoulders. Faqu, on orders, covers... 1... 2... No! Dragging Shayne by the arm to the corner, Faqu tags Todd Cortez. COLE And in comes the United States Champion, with those deadly kicks! After a couple of them to the chest Cortez picks Shayne back up and sends him to the ropes. Back elbows knocks him down, Cortez coming off the far side with a follow up kneedrop... 1... 2... No! Leading Shayne to his feet Cortez measures his opponent for another, hard kick to the chest. MADDIX I've been on the recieving end of those and let me tell you, they hurt. COLE Which might explain why you're so happy to have Todd Cortez as a part of Cucaracha Internacional now. MADDIX ...that's part of it, sure. Wringing the arm Todd loads Shayne up for another irish whip. Up and over the top goes Shayne though, catching Cortez with a dropkick to the knee before he can recover. The US Champ goes down to a knee and Shayne quickly calls for some assistance, Tyler coming in to help sandwich Cortez's head between stereo dropkicks! COLE D*LUX, pumping that Surround Sound! Tyler is back out before '5' and Shayne looks for '3'... 1... 2... Kickout. Shayne makes the quick tag to Tyler, happy to be out of the ring. Taking over, "Tremendous" Tyler lays into Cortez with a series of forearms before sending him to the ropes. Ducking his head early costs Tyler though as Cortez boots him in the shoulder, then knocks him off his feet with a clothesline. MADDIX Come on guys, let's get those tags going, keep one of them in there. Landon doles out the advice as Todd tags Black back in. The Brit wastes no time in snatching Tyler and nailing him with a thunderous forearm smash. Eyes crossing, Tyler falls back into a corner. Black stomps him against the turnbuckles, before turning on the Black Hammer, cuffing Tyler across the ears with left and right clubs until the referee intervenes. COLE Nathaniel Black, just BULLYING~! Tyler in the corner. Once he's shrugged the referee off, Black brings Tyler out of the corner and into a back suplex. Cover... 1... 2... NO! Pinning his knee into the back of Tyler's head, Black reaches up and tags James Blonde back in. Eager as ever he leaps in and puts the boots to the defenceless Tyler before running up the turnbuckles and antagonising the crowd. BLONDE WHO'S THE MAN?! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rolling her eyes, Krista casually shakes the middle ropes, forcing Blonde to get down before he falls down. MADDIX Hey! Uncalled for! COLE He shouldn't have been showboating in the first place. MADDIX Well at least give him a chance to finish. I'm pretty sure he was going to say I was the man. Now we'll never know. Tyler tries to take advantage of this opportunity to tag, but Blonde gets his head back in the game in time to cut it off. Stomping Tyler down, he drags him out into the centre of the ring and applies a camel clutch. COLE Look at this, pointing him right in the direction of his corner, just to further torment everyone. COACH Krista doesn't look too tormented to me. Seeing as there's no chance of a tag, Krista uses this time to touch up her makeup. The cheering is left to Shayne and the crowd to try and get Tyler going. Blonde shakes his head and tells the crowd not to waste their time though. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Willed on by the crowd, Tyler tries to fight to his feet and Blonde, realising he's losing control, quickly waves Nathaniel Black into the ring to help him out. The referee goes to cut Black off, but has to take a detour as Krista steps into the ring. KRISTA Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to get your thoughts. (pulls out newspaper) According to this study, the French have a far better standard of living than the Americans do. They live longer, sleep longer, eat more but weigh less. My question posed to you is, is it worth it, to live this longer life amongst the filth of a second rate nation? With the referee distracted by this pertinent question, Cucaracha Internacional spring into action. Black delivers a European uppercut on Tyler, rolling him back to his feet and shoving him forwards, where Blonde and Cortez are waiting with a pair of back elbows to the gut. Tyler doubles over, falling prey to a combination kick to the back from Cortez and kick to the front from Blonde, before they step aside allowing Black to steam through Tyler with a LARIAT!! COLE What a combination! MADDIX And it's not over yet! NO IT'S NOT, AS FAQU CRUSHES TYLER WITH A BIG SPLASH FOR GOOD MEASURE!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Quadruple team from Cucaracha Internacional, showing tremendous cohesion! COACH And Krista looks about as concerned as the Lakers did in Game 4. MADDIX Well, that reference went over my head. Able to get Krista to continue her editoral browsing on the apron, the ref turns around to see Blonde pinning Tyler... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Tyler showing some heart and determination. Blonde reaches out and tags in Black, keeping hold of Tyler for his British ally. After a punt to the ribs Black pulls Tyler up, scooping and slamming him down. Taking a rare risk Black then climbs to the middle turnbuckle, safely in his own corner, flicking the V-sign to COD and Shayne before delivering a flying kneedrop from the second rope! Leg hooked... 1... 2... Save by Shayne! COLE D*LUX getting punished here by the force of Cucaracha Internacional. COACH And Chicks Over Dicks having a cute old time out on the apron, letting the poor saps do all the work. MADDIX That's women for you. We hear a quiet 'ow' from Landon, presumably from a sublte dig in the shins, as Black tags in Blonde once again. Holding Tyler wide open he gives Blonde a free shot to the ribs. Blonde then quickly snapmares Tyler over and follows Black's route to the middle rope, delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop! COLE Well there's a first! I don't think Blonde's ever successfully hit that fistdrop in about five years. And he's so shocked, he almost forgot to go for a cover! 1... 2... NO! Pulling Tyler back up Blonde yells at the crowd to quieten down as some D*LUX support starts bubbling again. He nails Tyler with a right hand, dropping him to a knee while he waves for some quiet. Another right hand buys him some more time for stalling. But Blonde takes too long and Tyler fires back. Right hands to the midsection rock Blonde and give Tyler an opening... ...until Black reaches in and tugs on his hair, distracting him long enough for Blonde to deliver a knee to the breadbasket. COLE Come on, from the outside! MADDIX That's what you get for having long hair in 2009. Blonde reaches out for a tag and after some hesitation Todd Cortez accepts it. Together Todd and James navigate their way to deliver a double whip, hardly making great communication. Cortez steps out in front of Blonde and catches Tyler as he comes back off the ropes with a double leg pick-up. Off the ropes, Blonde builds up a head of steam... for no reason, as Todd jars Tyler with the Crotch Droppah and he falls to the mat. COLE Not sure that was what Blonde had in mind. Definately not as Blonde gets in Todd's face about "doing the hart attack deal with the clothesline". In this time, Tyler starts to get back up. COLE A little bit of dissention here, Cortez and Blonde need to get their heads in the game. MADDIX No kidding, COME ON GUYS! The arguement continues until Tyler gets back to his feet. Todd shoves past Blonde, managing to catch a boot from Tyler. The Tremendous One gets his balance though and throws an enziguri... which Cortez ducks, causing BLONDE to get kicked in the back of the head! KRISTA That was... unfortunate. Cortez starts to check if Blonde is okay out of instinct, but then just shrugs his shoulders as The Trendsetter rolls under the bottom rope. When he turns around Tyler is bearing down on him, causing the US Champion to sidestep. Tyler avoids a nasty collision by running up the turnbuckles to the top, diving ba... NO! Tyler gives Cortez the Auburn Hills Fakeout! The shoulder fake sends Cortez to the mat with a defensive duck, allowing Tyler to tuck and roll off the top over Cortez, turning a sharp right to MAKE THE TAG!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE HERE COMES ALIX! Leaping into the ring, Alix attacks with the HELICOPTER, twirling around with her arms outstretched and knocking down Blonde, then Cortez, then Blonde again with her flailing fists!! Soon getting dizzy from this unorthodox attack Alix takes a moment to get her bearings back. Cortez tries to capitalise with a shoulder charge but Alix spots him coming. She scoops the US Champ up, only for Todd to escape over the back and deliver a kick to the back of the leg. ALIX OOOOoowowwwoowow!! Cortez loads up a second kick, but freezes when he sees Alix hunched over wailing and crying. COACH Oh, he caught her good! COLE Alix might be hurt here. Understandably Todd feels some remorse at having caused a hot young woman to cry and doesn't follow up, despite Nathaniel Black yelling from the apron to do so. Both he and the referee are concerned for Alix who continues to sob. Loudly. Todd tries to help her up, but the leg is in too bad shape. Krista gives Todd a stern look and he apologises deeply that he didn't mean it. Which allows Alix to emerge from her trap, leap up and bring Cortez down with a diamond cutter! MADDIX What a lowdown, rotten, no-good cheap ass trick. Alix jumps around, jumps around, jumps up jumps up and gets down and having out-smarted someone. Not impressed, Nathaniel Black runs in and tries to take her head off with a lariat. But Alix ducks out of the way and Krista casually sits on the middle rope, lowbridging it causing Black to go flying through the ropes to the floor. MADDIX For what it's worth, I didn't mean trick as a byword for prostitute in that comment earlier. I just meant she turned a trick on him. COACH I gotcha. Back to Cortez, Alix delivers a spinning wheel kick to fell him. She then hits the ropes, slowing down to make the run useless and positioning herself at Todd's side as she extends her arms... ALIX [color="purple"]BALL[/color][color="yellow"][b]IN'~~!!![/b][/color] Alix gazes up, watching as her imaginary free-throw bounces off of the imaginary rim, hits the imaginary backboard, back into the imaginary rim... and bounces out. Hanging her head in disappointment, Alix trudges over to her corner and tags out, forgetting all about her opponent or any elbow dropping. Taking a seat on the ring steps she grabs a towel and puts it over her head to hide her shame. MADDIX Well that was strange. COACH I know, Alix is usual deadly from the free-throw line. Realising he's been tagged in, Shayne steps into the ring... ...and almost gets knocked OUT of the ring as Faqu MOWS him down with a shoulder charge! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista is busy consolling Alix on her missed shot, leaving Faqu free to do as he will to young Shayne. Dragging him into the centre of the ring Faqu hooks a waistlock and DUMPS him with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex! Pressing him down he sticks his tongue out to camera... 1... 2... SAVE BY TYLER!! COLE Thank goodness "Tremendous" Tyler was alert there, because Shayne wasn't kicking out! Ever! Tyler clubs away on the back of Faqu, having little or no effect but showing his persistence. Persistence which annoys Faqu, shoving Tyler away as he stands back up. Rolling through to his feet Tyler charges, ducking underneath a clothesline. Coming back off the ropes Tyler goes for a crossbody... ill-advised, as he gets caught in a SAMOAN DROP!!! COLE Three hundred pound Samoan Drop! Krista climbs back to the apron. And instead of coming in to help, she obeys the rules and grabs the tag rope, watching on. The same can't be said for James Blonde, who crawls in and starts to direct his Samoan Wrecking Ball. MADDIX These kids are there for the taking, you've just got to put something on one of them and put him away. Whipped into a corner, Tyler is nailed with a clothesline. Blonde then sweeps the legs away, leaving Tyler sat against the bottom turnbuckle for the RUNNING POSTERIOR OF FAQU!!! FAQU BLARGAHHGAGRH!!! KRISTA Ah, sweet, beautiful drunk talk. Same again for Shayne, but Faqu goes in first this time... and MISSES with an avalanche in the corner! Blonde tries to make up for Faqu's mistake, only for Shayne to move again, causing Blonde to clothesline Faqu! But Blonde knows his partner well enough to know he can take it and quickly chains it into a side headlock, not for his usual bulldog but for a BATTERING RAM that knocks Shayne clean off his feet!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE There's using your head! COACH Vintage bad jokes! Faqu beats his chest as Blonde celebrates... ...AND TURNS AROUND TO GET HIT WITH KIDOLOGY!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE KRISTA NAILS IT!! MADDIX *thud* Faqu tries to charge Krista, but she pulls the top rope down sending him up and over the top. Dropping his headset Landon rushes to his team's aid... and regrets it the moment KRISTA DIVES THROUGH THE ROPES AND WIPES HIM OUT WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!!! COACH AAAAHHHHHHHH!! COLE DOWN GOES LANDON!! Back in the ring, Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez slide in. They watch as Krista gets back to her feet and turns back to the ring, unconcerned with what she sees and more concerned with chatting up Megan Skye. Which leaves Black and Cortez with D*LUX at their mercy. The two beaten and battered boybanders struggle to their feet, unaware that they're being stalked by their opponents. They each spot each other's stalker and point to the other to turn around. And when they do, Shayne gets NAILED with the BLACK LARIAT, while Cortez boots Tyler in the gut setting up the RIOT ACT PLUS!!!~1~!1!11!! COLE Krista and Alix are out here with Megan, they didn't see a thing I don't think! Double covers... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And Cucaracha Internacional win in their 4 on 4 challenge! Krista hears the bell and glances over her shoulder to see the match is over. She and Alix strangely don't look too concerned with the result though, although them turning around does allow Megan to scuttle away which is of annoyance. Cortez and Black both have their hands raised in victory, a nod of respect between the two when they catch eyes. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of JAMES BLONDE, FAQU, NATHANIEL BLACK and TODD CORTEZ... CUCARACHA IIIIINNTTEEERRRRNNAAAAACCCIIIOOOOONNNAAAALLLLLL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stepping over the beaten boyband pair Black and Cortez leave the ring, waiting in the aisle as Faqu carries Blonde over his shoulder and Megan does her best to do the same with Landon, nursing a bump on his head which is so severe he must have lost the power in his legs. COACH Proof as if further proof were needed, the best unit in the OAOAST, Cucaracha Internacional. COLE Well I hate to say it but Krista and Alix really went down without a strong fight. Krista hit Kidology on Blonde and could have had the match won from there, but instead took out Landon here in front of us. Had she gone for a pin instead, who knows? Instead she was out here with Alix and Megan and D*LUX were left to fend for themselves. COACH Well what did they expect? Krista and Alix are only concerned about themselves. COLE And they're usually concerned about inflicting painful humiliating defeats on their opponents. But tonight, it's D*LUX suffering the pain and the indignity. Krista and Alix eventually slide back into the ring, standing over D*LUX as they struggle to get back to their feet. The departing Cucaracha Internacional are watched until they disappear back through the shark's mouth. COD then turn their attentions back to the boyband duo. As they get to their feet Shayne and Tyler are oblivious to Krista and Alix waiting behind them and the stares directed their way. As Krista and Alix move forward they turn around and perhaps expecting criticism they flinch, only for Chicks Over Dicks to show rare compassion and raise their arms to the crowd. COLE Well, how about that. The crowd show their appreciation for the four as COD leave with D*LUX a few slower, wearier steps behind them. Watching backstage on a monitor, Jade Rodez-Duncan wears a pensive look as she turns to Bohemoth stood next to her. JADE That can't be good.

Okay, I'll bite. How is the wrestling version of the fantasy game any different from the NFL or MLB versions that go on during the season? Are we going to call out alkeiper for being a big girly girl? Or... whoever does the NFL one.

I don't recall either of the things that theone says happened, somebody point me in the direction of them. Because if he's insinuating that my Month 1 victory in TSM Fantasy is in some way worthless...

For real? That's like... £48.

Zack won't be in here posting, I meant, that's why I stuck it in here for him. I assume he's writing the main.

Cucaracha Internacional vs. Chicks Over Dicks and D*LUX OAOAST World Title Zack Malibu © vs. Mr. Dick OAOAST Women's Title Maggie Nerdly © vs. Sophie I'm not writing all of them, not by a longshot. But Zack won't be in here and I guess Patty's match depends on whether he's got the time or not. Tony's also got a tag match. I think that's it so far.