NYU

Something tells me Maury Povich is eventually going to have to interfere with this angle. Lita: Well, Maury, I've tried everyone else. Matt Hardy. Kane. Jeff Hardy. Jazz. The popcorn vendor. My hotel cleaning lady. The next door neighbor's cat. But I think I finally found the father. AND I KNOW IT'S YOU! THE BABY LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU, GOD DAMMIT! *The audience starts cheering wildly as the camera peels over to find Ahmed Johnson sitting in the next chair* Ahmed: YOU NO KNOW NOTHIN, LITA! DIS KID AIN'T MINE! *The crowd full of middle-aged housewives and ghettofied women start to loudly boo at Ahmed's ghastly accusations* Ahmed: I no care. If dis baby my boy, I take care of my kids. I gon be payin child support. But he ain't mine! I know he ain't mine! *The audience politely claps, then awaits the final verdict* Maury: Well, Lita, we've done the DNA test and here's the results. Ahmed Johnson......you are NOT the father! Ahmed: YEAH, BITCH! WHAT I SAY, HO?! *The audience gasps loudly as Lita runs backstage in tears. Maury chases her, clearly trying to milk this thing for all it's worth* ------------------------------------------------- It could be a new character every week to try to find Lita's father. Men. Women. Animals. Former WWE Superstars. D-Level Actors and Actresses. Inanimate Objects. And so on..... With Maury Povich hosting, it can't fail!

You started two of these. Boo.

Well, I figured Kotz would be interested anyway. Is there something I missed here?

"Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction!" "Iraq definitely had something to do with 9/11!" "There is a direct link between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda!" I've always found these Bush bloopers to be pretty hilarious. Why has no one mentioned these yet?

*pulls a shard of glass out of his forehead* Pretend? What the hell are you talking about? That Emperor of Death tournament was a bitch.....

Sorry, man. I just thought Eddy was open for the rest of the federation to use. Didn't realize he was still one of your private guys....either way, I'll ask next time. Sorry about that.

Gonna go for some quick feedback on tonight's VERY eventful episode of HeldDown. I mean, it had it all tonight. TITLE SWITCHES! FAMILY REVELATIONS! COUNSELOR MEETINGS WITH EDDY KALM! *GASP* Well, let's get started.... -Good opening segment with Popick and the entire INTEN5EZONE stable. I haven't been in the OAOAST long enough to know who Andrew Hyland is, but I'm interested to see what role he's going to play in this storyline. -Nice to see Hoff call out some of the messed up stuff that went on with the PPV this Sunday. And I loved the sudden character switch he had, going from the intense spokesperson to the goofy Emperor in one second. I don't think many other guys could pull that off so convincingly. -Awesome match between Leon Rodez and Skull Kid. The back-and-forth action was done very nicely, and I liked how it seemed to hold a story of Leon trying to prove himself to Drek, who was watching with interest on the ramp. Could a feud between the two be coming up soon?! Don't change the channel~! -Really fun stuff when it came to Rick Edwards this week. The filmlike, melodramatic nature of the storyline this week definitely contrasts from the more realistic plotlines we've had for the past few months, but I can appreciate where LPYC is looking to take this story. The fight between Rick and Cain at the beginning had a really cool Matrix-y feel to it, which was further developed when it was finally revealed that the Boss was actually Rick's father. I am so interested to see where the rest of this plotline goes. Again, while this definitely felt more like a Summer blockbuster movie storyline rather than a wrestling one, I think the originality of something like this in the OAOAST is really going to be entertaining. -Nice heel interview from Hoff, leading to a promo from Chris Stevens that I feel REALLY shot him into a completely different level in this federation. Suddenly, with that one interview, Stevens had become a real threat. This was further established with that brutal Hardcore match, leading into something I was NOT expecting - Stevens becoming the NEW 24/7 Champ. I'm glad that the Hoff/Gunner storyline hasn't been forgotten and, of course, I'm looking forward to seeing where that goes. But, to me, this match made Stevens a force to be watched in the OAOAST, so I was just very impressed. -Great, dark interview from Axel. I liked the intensity in this interview, and all the history that Axel kept bringing up about the Thrillogy members. This growing feud between Axel and Hoff/Calvin/Zack is quickly becoming really personal, which just does an amazingly effective job of building up anticipation for the payoff matches. -Excellent Panther/Bryte match. This match had just the right amount of action when it came to continuing the feud. There was enough here to show that the two men still really hated each other, but not nearly enough to signify that the feud is near ending. I really Panther's complete destruction of Bryte at the beginning of the match, only for Bryte to use his karate skills to even up the odds later on. I'm really interested to know who Big Kev is, and just how he's involved in this Love Triangle.....well, Love Square, if we throw in The Hand. Bryte continues to be one of the biggest douchebags in the OAOAST - which is a very good thing. -I like how The Saints continue to try to go for Krista and Alix, and I'm definitely still intrigued to see where those love plotlines may go. The concert itself was also good, but .....I don't know, it just seemed like this segment was missing a little something. Maybe I've been preconditioned with these types of segments to expect a sneakattack, or some major storyline development, but it just seemed odd to me that there was only the concert - and nothing else. Still, what WAS here was very solid. -Amazing heel interview from Zack. I loved how he completely tore down Crystal, but she wouldn't even bother to speak back to him. She just let her facial experessions speak for her. The stage has been set in the perfect way for Crystal to finally shut Zack up, and become the new OAOAST Heavyweight Champion! Of course, whether or not it happens is a different story.... -The Frankensteiners look to be yet another interesting team in a thriving Tag Team division. Looking forward to their debut. -Very fun interview from GPX. Awesome! It's great how they keep their complete, cool, nonchalant attitude, even when they have one of the biggest matches in their careers only a few minutes away. -Nice promo from SB87. Much like Chris Stevens before, Sean Bryant has suddenly established himself into becoming a force to be reckoned with in only a few minutes. The Bryant Brothers could turn out to be an AMAZING Tag Team. I really wonder what the Rave & Assault Squad is going to do for revenge.... -GREAT segment with Sly Sommers. I really liked the twist with Michael Buffer reading out Sly's comments and that Barbed Wire Pergatory match has the potential to be one of the bloodiest matches the OAOAST has ever seen. Awesome fight between Sly and Calvin afterwards. Already, the violence and the intensity of this feud has risen to a feverpitch. I can't imagine what those two guys are going to do to each other at AngleSlam. -Good pre-match heel interview from Black T. -Very interesting segment with The Mad Cappa. Between that Cell match and his formation with INTEN5E, he's slowly going over the edge, and I'm liking the sadistic side he's beginning to grow. As it turns out, that Hell-in-the-Cell match has done a lot to hurt the minds of both guys. -Really good Main Event with Black T/GPX. It was great to see GPX finally win the Tag Team Titles, and overcome something that had been bothering them for months. It's a testament to Black T that they have done SO much for the credibility of the Tag Titles in the past few months that it now means so much that another team has actually managed to win the titles. But, as we saw at the end, things aren't over yet. Between the tag champs in GPX, the "unofficial" champs in the NNMX, the former champs in Black T, Jingus & The Sadist, The Rave & Assault Squad, The Bryant Brothers, The Frankensteiners.....the tag divison has just grown SO much in recent months, and I'm really anxious to see where it goes next. Great job! Well, in hindsight, that feedback wasn't all that quick. Anyway....as always, ANY comments or thoughts on my Drek Stone/Eddy Kalm segment - OR the subtle developments in the Drek/Rodez feud - would be GREATLY appreciated.

Well, to be fair now, there is no excuse for not giving feedback on an Internet Wrestling Federation Pay-Per-View.... Priorities, man.

You know what passes the time? Writing down your comments on the Drek/Cappa match in the "License To Pin" Thread! Like you said you were going to! Yep....fun for everybody! FUN~!~!

I find it strange that Bush never even took the time out to plant weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I mean, at least that would show he put forth some genuine effort into lying to the American people. Now, this whole war thing just makes him look lazy.

Parcells has always been a huge fan of Testaverde. Whether these drug test results came around or not, I'm sure Parcells would have found some reason to dump Carter before the beginning of the season. It's obvious he'd much rather have Vinny as the starting quarterback - even if the play quality of the Cowboys may suffer as a result.

That's the Chinese! The Jews are just good at money...

They're not very good at driving?

I've always thought Andy Pettitte was pretty ugly. It's like watching Eeyore standing on the mound in an Astros jersey.

"A gigantic, lard-assed jobber rolled out from behind the curtains today...said he needed a new gimmick. I told him to stand on his head, roll up in tinsel, put a star on his BUTT and become the newer, fatter, uglier Christmas Creature!" "Ugh, I just don't know what's been worse ......getting burned to a crisp in my parents funeral parlor and finding out my brother was the one who set the fire....having my girlfriend die in a terrible car crash, then getting accused of raping her afterwards....or selling women's shoes!"

Kane's not going to buy Lita a dishwasher.

Kane comes into the house after a hard day's work. With a briefcase in one hand, he pulls his hat off the other and sets it on a nearby coat hook. He slowly pulls off his suit jacket and hangs it over his hat. Walking into the living room, he sits Lita lounging on the couch with a large, silver box of Bon-Bons. Wearing a pair of pink, satin pajamas and gray fuzzy slippers, she stares at Kane with an expression of hostility. KANE Lita....what the hell are you doing? I thought you agreed you were going to try to get a job today. LITA I know, Kane.....but when I was getting ready, "Days of Our Lives" came on. I've been waiting months to see how Chris responds when he finds out his fiancee has been having sex on the side with his long-lost chihuahua brother. KANE Dammit, Lita. I thought when we quit WWE to raise our darling little girl that we could happily start a new life together. I.....wait, where is young Helga? LITA I don't know.....what the hell is with all the questions? Leave me alone. Kane looks to the side, and sees his little daughter crawling towards a nearby electrical socket with her tongue wagging out. KANE *GASP* Kane quickly scoops the baby up in his arms and stares back at Lita with a disappointed expression. KANE Our baby could have seriously gotten hurt! Lita, I don't think I like this change in you. What happened to the lovely, energetic woman I forced into a marriage with me? How did you turn into....THAT?! LOOK AT THIS FLOOR!! IT'S A MESS!! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PICKED UP A BROOM?! LITA YOU.....YOU BASTARD!! YOU DAMN BASTARD!!! Lita runs out of the room in tears, hurling her box of candy halfway across the room. KANE Women.....you can't live with them, but you can't live without them. Isn't that right, Helga? HELGA Um....poop. STUDIO AUDIENCE Aw........*cue laugh*

Lita's life is just going to be HELL after the honeymoon! I mean, Kane probably brings a lot of dirt into the house. I don't think Lita is going to have a fun time sweeping that mess up time and time again.... And Kane, that evil bastard - he might even make her take out the garbage!! Oh, the horror! THE HORROR!!

Lita obviously didn't think through that slap. And I, for one, am disgusted. You know how Kane can get her back? After their marriage, despite all her begging, despite all her cries - DON'T buy her a dishwasher! That bitch can just scrub the dishes with her own hands instead!

Poor Carmela. Must suck to get shot in the face with a makeup gun right before you're set to give your speech to millions of uninterested fans...

La Parka Es Not Mi Papa? No one would ever accuse you of being a wrestling fan after that name change.....

Wow. I really felt the added emphasis there!!

I would assume Drek Stone does something. That's right. SOMETHING~!~! .... ~!~! *feel free to add more exclamation points here if you want. Added EMPHASIS~!~!* -And like I said in the LTP Feedback thread, Drek is open to feud with anybody for the month of August. If someone wants to have a match with Drek at AngleSlam, please feel open to PM me. Otherwise, I'm going to have to dig down deep to find an angle for Drek.....and that could get pretty ugly....

Man, there best be some Hoff feedback coming soon! *shakes fist in ANGER~!*

So would it be allright to start a "Fire Howe" thread? Bowa isn't even the worst manager in the NL East! I don't agree with his firing....not yet.