Toxxic

Just change it to 'grounded'.

Bring, you pot-plant orientated goth

I'llSkypeWhenIGetBroadbandBitches

I'm with Bruce on that one. Wait until you've graduated from University and are doing minimum-wage bar work, then join the fictional wrestling federation. Within two months you'll be working in a homeless hostel

What's wrong with making Raynor World Champion?

Rotating teams would be good, whether as a trial for an eventual poll or just running. Incidentally Crowe, I saw the opening of the Commonwealth Games today. Don't try and tell me you didn't have a hand in that, you stoner.

Mags - I will confess to having skimmed the show, and have only read the end of your match. What I will say is that Muzz's match had a far more dramatic and sudden feel to it whereas yours, if you will forgive the comparison, had a vauge Triple H feel of 'hit the finisher, pause, gasp for breath, cover and win'. NOT that I'm saying you're anything close to being as bad as Triple H, because you are Lord God of World Champions and we should all bow before you. But in terms of finishes, Muzz's was just so more urgent.

Here we go. I was hoping to sneak by on sheer goofy humour, but alas... ---------------------------------------------- “Well noble viewers of the SWF, I can certainly say that we weren’t expecting that end to the Calvinball match,” Cyclone Comet booms, but is cut off by the Suicide King. “Comet, what exactly were you expecting from a match based on a game with no rules but what the participants make up?” the Gambling Man says in exasperation, “for goodness sake, Insane Luchador won the Hardcore Gamers’ Championship last year without even winning the match!” “That’s as maybe,” Comet declares, turning to the camera and dazzling fans with a SuperGrin™, “but coming up next we have a fantastic contest pitting man against machine-” “-actually, Amy Stephens is a… well, whatever she is, she’s not a man. And don’t give me that look Comet, if she heard you calling her that it’d be your neck.” “Well for that matter, the debate still rages as to whether Ghost Machine 2.0 is in fact a machine!” the Self-Deluding Superhero declares, “he certainly seems remarkably familiar at times!” “Of course he does, his programming has been modelled on the greatest wrestlers ever to grace the ring!” King retorts. “Which may explain why we’ve never seen him bust out the Jokers Wild,” Comet says, then flashes another grin in which the ZING~! can almost be heard. “…God, I’m almost hoping Pete wins.” The cameras cut away from the bickering duo to pan down to the ring in which Funyon is standing, microphone in hand. The veteran announcer raises it to his lips and is about to begin speaking when weird robot music starts pumping out over the speakers! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, will be contested under Cruiserweight Rules and is for the Number One Contendership to the Cruiserweight Title,” the big man booms. At this point the curtain at the top of the entrance ramp is pushed back and an incredibly bored-looking Chris Belcourt makes his way out, pushing the familiar barrel-chested figure of Ghost Machine 2.0 on his dolly. Funyon waits with just the slightest hint of impatience as Belcourt unstraps the fiendish machine and then disappears to somewhere where he can smoke a quiet rollup in peace. Meanwhile Ghost Machine 2.0 begins moving with jerky precision and scales the ring steps, steps through the ropes and then prints an slip of paper from his mouth which Funyon takes and begins to read. “Introducing first, the pride of BennerCorp’s construction line; he hails from the BennerCorp factory in Parts Unknown and weighs in tonight at a trimmed-down and lightweight 229.9lbs. Weak humans of flesh and blood, this is the pinnacle of design that is GHOST MACHINE, VERSION TWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “AN-DROIDS SUCK!” “AN-DROIDS SUCK!” [“You know King, that introduction seems awfully familiar as well!”] [“Well goodness me, Comet! Maybe it’s because it’s being done by Funyon? You know, the guy who’s done our ring announcing ever since F/X proved how much they sucked?”] [“Quiet, miscreant.”] Ghost Machine 2.0 does a quick rendition of the robot but succeeds in little more than further rousing the ire of the fans, then having completed what passes as a stretching routine for a mechanical monstrosity such as himself he lapses back into complete stillness. All is quiet for a moment or two… but then the crashing start of ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ by the Ramones fires up! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Comet, I just don’t get it,” King admits as Amy Stephens appears on the soundstage, can of Stella Artois in hand, “this girl is foul-mouthed, overly aggressive and on top of all that is openly sleeping with Landon Maddix, yet people still cheer her! Why?” “Maybe because she has huge tits?” “COMET!!” King gasps, beside himself with shock. “To fight the villain you must sometimes think like him,” Comet mutters darkly. Meanwhile Amy has jogged down to the ring (getting rousing applause from some of the more drunken men nearby, work that one out for yourself) and mounted (easy tiger) the turnbuckles where she raises her can of lager in the air and leads the crowd in a chorus: “HEY! HO! LET’S GO! “HEY! HO! LET’S GO! “HEY! HO! LET’S GO! “HEY! HO! LET’S GO!” Then as Joey Ramone comes in on the first verse proper the Punk-Rock Princess hops back down to the mat, takes a last swig from her still half-full can and places it carefully on the apron. Referee Brian Warner checks that both competitors are ready and calls for the bell… *DING-DING-DING!* …and we’re underway! Amy belches, spits, swings her arms around a couple of times in a warm-up and heads towards Ghost Machine 2.0... who doesn’t move. At all. Amy stops, confused, and waves a hand in front of her opponents eyes/visual monitors. Nothing. “What in the name of Zeus’ beard is going on here?” Comet asks. “Maybe he went into standby mode?” King speculates. Amy looks at Brian Warner, who shrugs as if to say ‘wrestling him is your job, girl’. Amy snorts and turns back to her bizarrely immobile opponent, then shoves him in the chest. The mechanical man-strosity wobbles back half a step, but otherwise remains unbothered. Amy tilts her head quizzically, then tries again… with a similar result. Now at the end of her patience (never that long to begin with) Amy lashes out with a right hand- *thwack* -that Ghost Machine catches at the wrist with his left! Amy has merely a moment to register shock before her opponent twists to one side with a vicious armwringer that takes her clean over and dumps the Nottingham lager lass on her back! Ghost Machine 2.0 then returns to his stationary position, arms at his side, back ramrod-straight and apparently staring directly ahead… or, alternatively, at nothing. “Such precision,” King crows, “it’s unhuman!” “It was an armwringer, King,” Comet says with disdain for his commentary partner’s enthusiasm, “although given that it didn’t involve an act of gross rule-breaking I suspect it is still a foreign concept to you.” Amy Stephens takes a moment to realise what has happened, but when she does she scrambles back to her feet with a snarl and launches herself headlong at her opponent again! This proves to be a mistake however, as Ghost Machine calmly sidesteps at the last moment and drops to the canvas, wrapping his lower appendages around Amy’s legs and bringing her down with a crisp drop toehold. From there he jumps onto Amy’s back so that for a moment they resemble a parachute team before pushing himself around with his arms and legs (or robotic equivalents) so that he spins atop the downed Stephens! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Well, this alleged robot is showing a terrific amount of disrespect to Amy Stephens!” Comet says in righteous indignation. “What were you expecting? C-3PO?” “Only if Citizen Riley was in charge of the programming.” Leaving that little aside… well, aside… Ghost Machine has now stopped spinning and has adopted a kneeling position atop his adversary. Amy is trying to buck her opponent off but Ghost Machine 2.0 is just heavy enough to make this too difficult, and as Brian Warner checks for any sign of a submission move the possible-android reaches down and… begins to frisk Amy? ‘Gerroff me, you bloody pervert!” ‘You Are In A Team With Bruce Blank,’ Ghost Machine informs his adversary, the tinny distortion on his voice picked up by the ring mics, ‘You Must Be Checked For Weapons.’ “Heh… wish I’d thought of that one,” King says ruefully. “Hey, I wonder if Janus needs help on the security team. I bet the supermodels that sit in the skyboxes for these shows carry lots of weapons.” Ghost Machine’s search appears to have come up a blank (heh) but the mechanical man-strosity doesn’t let his opponent up, instead grabbing Amy’s legs as they flail around and starting to try and lock them together in some sort of hold! He has to lean forward to do this however, and with the weight lifted from her back Amy is able to scramble the relatively short distance to the ropes to force the break. Ghost Machine rises to a vertical base and perambulates to the centre of the ring before turning back to look at his opponent. As Amy gets to her feet the cyborg raises one palm before him… …performs a few Kung-Fu moves in the style of the Robot… …and then motions Amy to ‘come on’ with one hand, the other drawn up behind his head! “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” Stephens doesn’t need much motivation from the Phoenix faithful and charges at her arrogant opponent, but this proves just as unwise as her earlier rush and Ghost Machine simply steps forward and to the side, bringing his right palm forward with surely unnatural speed to deliver a stunning shotei to the onrushing Briton! *CRACK!* “OOOOHHHHHHHHHH!” Amy Stephens hasn’t got the softest skull in pro-wrestling, but even she felt that one; the Punk-Rock Princess sits up again but looks decidedly woozy, and this isn’t helped much when Ghost Machine drops down behind her and wraps his upper appendages around her head with a sleeper hold! “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” Let’s face it, Amy isn’t exactly trained in the finer arts of technical wrestling. She was partially trained by Toxxic, for Christ’s sake. As a result, her first instinct is to lean back to try and lessen the pressure, but her second is to reach up and claw her opponent’s eyes. Sadly for Miss Stephens Ghost Machine’s visual monitors are covered by secondary lenses that deflect her attempts. Her next target is the mouth, but Ghost Machine’s mesh covering blocks that avenue as well. Finally, nearing desperation, she simply clamps hold of the canvas mask that blocks the view of Ghost Machine’s theoretical shining servos and gears… …and it shifts a centimetre! “No tampering with the equipment!” King shouts, but Ghost Machine has gone into what in a human would be called ‘panic mode’. Abandoning the sleeper hold, BennerCorp’s pride and joy raises both hands to the head and quickly tugs the covering back into place but allows Amy to roll away! Amy quickly decides to pile back in and surges forward from her knees, driving her shoulder into Ghost Machine’s midriff and causing the alleged android to double over sharply, then gets back to her feet and- *CRUNCH!* -slams a headbutt into her opponent’s face! Amy wobbles for a second after that but Ghost Machine staggers back; however, the deadly machine does not go down! Amy seeks to rectify that by stepping forward, grabbing the mechanical man-strosity’s head in both hands and then falling backwards with her knees raised to hit the Facebreaker! “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” “Miss Stephens is on the offensive,” Comet shouts, “and that grab at Ghost Machine 2.0’s mask seems to have unsettled it enough for her to get some shots in at last!” “Amy Stephens is offensive,” King retorts, “I’ll say that much!” Ghost Machine 2.0 has finally ended up on his (its?) back after Amy’s flurry of attacks, and Stephens piles on to cover without a pause… ONE! TW- -but Ghost Machine kicks out before two, the exceptional power and resilience of its technology allowing it to easily power out of Amy’s pin. However the gyros are still destabilised (or something) and he can muster no further resistance as Amy hoists him up with a scoop slam and then plants him back down on the mat. A gust of what sounds suspiciously like breath is blasted from the robot’s mouth aperture as Amy wastes no time in heading for the turnbuckles, then boosts herself up to the second rope. This isn’t particularly familiar territory for the Punk-Rock Princess and she hesitates for a second, then seems to decide that yes, this is what she wants to do… and leaps off with a second-rope legdrop that catches Ghost Machine across where his throat would be! *BANG!* Amy quickly scrambles into another cover, trying to put her opponent away early… ONE! TWO!! …but Ghost Machine 2.0 isn’t buying what Amy Stephens has to sell, and the powerfully-built prototype kicks out again! Amy growls something that probably isn’t suitable for family viewing and the girl from Nottingham grabs her opponent by the mask, then starts to get back to her feet and hauls him after her. Ghost Machine 2.0 evidently wants to keep the covering in place and allows himself to be pulled up, but then Amy clamps a front facelock on and raises one arm. “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Stephens begins to swing her right leg backwards ready for the ‘snap’ on the Double D T, but Ghost Machine cuts her off by hooking his left hand behind her knee, then placing his right hand on her stomach and using his surprising power to shove the Punk-Rock Princess off him and down to the mat! Amy hits the back of her head and it takes her a second to register what has happened; in that time Ghost Machine has grabbed her right leg and raised his right arm, then falls to the mat and drives the point of his elbow into Amy’s knee! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ghost Machine grinds his elbow into the joint, trying to inflict as much damage as possible on the leg of Toxxic’s sister! Amy yells in pain and uses her left leg to land a kick across her opponent’s shoulders, but Ghost Machine shrugs it off and attacks again, the impact coming from a lesser height this time but still obviously painful. Amy shouts again and this time reaches forward to try and grab her opponent’s mask once more. Ghost Machine rolls out of the way of her clutching fingers and gets back to his feet, then begins to launch kicks into Amy’s thigh! “It looks like Ghost Machine 2.0 is attempting to immobilise Amy Stephens,” Comet declares, “and with his mastery of technical wrestling it’s likely that he will have a definite advantage!” “What are you talking about Comet?” King asks, “he has the advantage now! Look at him!” Sure enough Ghost Machine is still sending kicks into Amy’s leg and the Punk-Rock Princess is definitely hurting. Amy’s not beaten yet however, and she lashes out with her left foot to send it cracking into Ghost Machine’s right kneecap (or mechanical equivalent). Ghost Machine makes a noise that might mimic a human grunt of pain, but he retains his grip on Amy’s other leg and as the Lager Lass tries it again he catches that leg as well, then starts to try and bend one around the other! “King,” Comet says in tones of deepest suspicion, “I recognise this move…” “Why of course you do Comet,” Suicide King says impatiently, “after all, it’s a perfectly-applied Texas Cloverleaf!” It is indeed, and Ghost Machine succeeds in locking Amy’s left leg into the crook of her right knee and then pulling backwards! Amy is understandably unimpressed with this course of action and lets her feelings known with a yell of pain! “Come on King, don’t tell me that you can’t remember the one competitor in the SWF who made the Texas Cloverleaf one of his signature moves - in fact, it was his finisher at one point! The Superior Stretch!” “Sure, I can remember him,” King shrugs, “what’s your point?” “Oh, never mind…” Ghost Machine is hanging onto the hold with all the strength in his stocky frame, but Amy Stephens has rather powerful legs, and she definitely does not want to be in this predicament; accordingly, the Punk-Rock Princess is trying to force her way out of the hold one way, whilst simultaneously clawing across the mat towards the ropes with her arms. The Pride of BennerCorp tries to ride his opponent like a… OK, let’s not finish than sentence. He tries to hold on, but Amy is just too lively at this stage of the match and the combination of her thrashings mean that she’s able to get to the bottom rope which cause Brian Warner to start a count… ‘ONE!’ Ghost Machine 2.0 looks blankly up at him. ‘TWO!’ ‘Does Not Compute.’ ‘THREE!’ ‘Does Not Compute.’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ But with mechanical precision, Ghost Machine 2.0 has broken the hold at the last moment before the disqualification! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ‘Boo.’ the robot repeats dispassionately as Warner gives him a thorough and completely pointless lecture about breaking in the ropes. Amy has now struggled up to her feet with the ropes for support, but before she can properly test her weight on her right leg Ghost Machine rushes in behind her and grabs a rear waistlock, then heaves her over his head! … … … *BANG!!* “Merciful Zeus, did you see the elevation on that release German suplex?” Comet cries in disbelief as Amy sails across the ring and lands on the back of her neck, “Ghost Machine certainly packs a punch for his size!” “No punches,” King corrects him, “only Shoteis. The hands of Ghost Machine 2.0 do not easily form fists.” Aesthetic discussion aside, Amy Stephens has rolled over onto her front and is trying hard to not be dead. Ghost Machine steps unhurriedly towards her and uses his foot to roll her onto her back, then bends down to apply a cover… ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Amy kicks out before Warner can find the mat for the third time! Ghost Machine turns his head to observe the referee, who throws up two fingers. ‘Slow Count.’ the ring mics pick up. “You heard him,” King shouts, “Ghost Machine 2.0 has a perfect metronome on board; if he says the count was slow, it was slow!” “King, shut up,” Comet snaps, “you’re delusional.” “I… what!? You think you’re a superhero!” “And you entrusted Michael Craven to fight for your attempt to gain control of the fed,” Comet replies, “so who’s more grounded in reality?” “Damnit, I thought it was in my contract that no-one was to ever mention that again!” Meanwhile Ghost Machine has picked Amy Stephens up and applied a front facelock. From there he throws Amy’s arm over his own head and grabs hold of her skate pants before hoisting her up and then dumping her abdomen-first across the top rope! The younger Stephens balances there for a precarious second before toppling down to the mat, where she lies holding her stomach. Ghost Machine then grabs the top rope himself and uses it to steady himself as he steps on Amy’s throat… ‘ONE!’ Warner bellows. ‘One.’ Ghost Machine acknowledges. ‘TWO!’ ‘One.’ the android counters. ‘uh… THREE?’ ‘One.’ ‘FOUR!’ Warner hollers in the face of the distracting counter-count. ‘One.’ ‘FI-’ -and Ghost Machine breaks the hold again, then advances on Warner! ‘One. One. One. One. One.’ ‘You break before five,’ Warner is heard to shout at him, ‘before FIVE!’ ‘One.’ Brian Warner shrugs and gives up, turning away in frustration. ‘One. One. One.’ ‘…Bitch.’ Warner spins back around, but Ghost Machine has returned his attention to Amy Stephens. She is trying to pull herself up on the ropes again, and just like before Ghost Machine slips in behind her and grabs a rear waistlock. However, this time Amy instantly lashes out with one, two, three back elbows that catch her opponent in the temple and send him staggering back, treading on Brian Warner’s foot as he does so. The referee yelps and clutches his toes, and as he is momentarily distracted Ghost Machine piles in again and tips Amy Stephens bodily over the top rope to the arena floor! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ‘Boo.’ the android says, raising both hands as if in triumph. “That’s a disqualification!” Comet roars in righteous fury, standing up in his seat, “Referee Warner, award the match to Miss Stephens!” “Shut up and sit down,” King snaps, “the ref didn’t see it, so it doesn’t count!” And indeed this is the case; Brian Warner was clutching his foot and hopping at the time and his attention was elsewhere. Of course, now he sees Amy on the outside and starts asking Ghost Machine some harsh questions about whether or not she went over the top rope, but the mechanical man-strosity simply pulls the top and middle ropes apart, indicating that she went between them. Warner is dubious and continues arguing… and Ghost Machine grabs the referee, seemingly about to show him exactly what he did! The referee manages to back off and starts warning Ghost Machine 2.0 vociferously, then turns and begins the count for Amy on the outside. ‘ONE!’ ‘One.’ Ghost Machine agrees, stepping through the ropes and dropping to the outside. Warner rolls his eyes and, with his count having been broken by a competitor leaving the ring, starts again. ‘ONE!’ ‘One.’ Ghost Machine says again, turning to give the ref a thumbs up as if to say ‘you’re getting the hang of this’. ‘SHUT UP!’ Warner half-screams, stamping in frustration, then follows up with ‘TWO!’ Ghost Machine shakes his head sadly and climbs back in under the bottom rope, then approaches the ref. ‘One.’ *thump* “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Amy Stephens has managed to get back to her feet, and reaches through the ropes to grab Ghost Machine 2.0’s ankles before tugging on them to topple the android to the mat! She hauls as hard as she can, literally towing BennerCorp’s prize creation out of the ring, then grabs him bodily and hurls him against the steel guardrail! *CRASH!!* ‘ONE!’ Ghost Machine rebounds, so Amy grabs him by the back of his head and rams it into the ring apron! *THUNK!* ‘TWO!’ Warner yells gleefully. The masked machine wobbles but does not go down, and Amy grabs his head again then runs him straight into the ringpost! *CHUNK!* ‘THREE!’ Brian Warner is almost hopping with joy at being uninterrupted on his counts. Ghost Machine staggers one step… …two steps… …lifts his leg for a third step… ‘Does… Not… Compute…’ …and falls flat on his face! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” ‘FOUR!’ Amy Stephens bends over, sucking in air as she takes a look at her opponent. Although now face-down on the arena floor Ghost Machine is starting to move again, albeit jerkily and without the machinelike precision that he has previously displayed. “Well, it looks like the tables have turned,” Comet says in some satisfaction, “Ghost Machine may be the superior wrestler in the ring, but just like her brother Amy Stephens has demonstrated an impressive ability to improvise using her surroundings once outside the squared circle!” “So what you’re saying is, she’s a sloppy brawler who can’t win a match unless she can throw her opponent into things,” King says. “I’d like to see you step into the ring against her, Brian. After all, you’d find it difficult to nutshot a girl.” Brian Warner’s count is progressing, but Amy has the benefit of the twenty-count for Cruiserweight matches and isn’t in any hurry. She grabs Ghost Machine 2.0 as he starts to struggle back to a vertical base, then positions herself in front of him and simply pushes as hard as she can, driving him back into the ring aprong again! *WHAM!* A not-very-mechanical sound escapes the Machine’s mouth, but Amy ignores this to grab his legs and hoist him onto the apron, then roll him under the bottom rope before following him. Once inside the ring Ghost Machine displays further evidence of his superhuman resilience as he starts getting to his feet yet again! Amy is less that impressed though, and fires a right hand which staggers him… and left hand which rocks him… then bounces off the ropes with a spinning Polish Hammer that sends the mechanical man-strosity down to the mat! “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” “With the punishment that Ghost Machine has been taking, one big hit could end the match!” Cyclone Comet says, optimistically ignoring the fact that until a moment ago Ghost Machine was still getting up. Amy seems to agree with him though, and the Punk-Rock Princess is heading for the turnbuckles again. This time though she heads for the top rope, facing out towards the crowd… “We’ve never seen her go this high before!” Comet shills… “Ghost Machine is playing possum!” King barks… …and Amy leaps off with a moonsault! *WHAM!* If Ghost Machine was playing possum, it was a sedated one; he remained totally motionless as Amy came crashing down, and now Warner drops to make the count… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRR- -but Ghost Machine 2.0 kicks out; not long before Warner’s hand finds the mat for the final time, but long enough! “THAT WAS THREE!” “THAT WAS THREE!” However, it appears that Ghost Machine disagrees. A faint ‘One.’ can be heard as Amy Stephens grabs his head and pulls him off the mat. Amy takes no notice of this however and simply grabs her opponent’s wrist before Irish-whipping him into the ropes and as he returns she wraps her left arm around his neck! “Last Orders!” Comet bawls, “this could be it!” …but no, for Ghost Machine raises both hands to his neck and prises Amy’s arm away, then slips behind her and takes the arm with him for a hammerlock! Amy struggles to escape and Ghost Machine does release her… only to grab a rear waistlock and, without waiting to get elbowed again, launches her through the air with another release German! *THUD!* Amy stays stacked on her shoulders for a moment or two, then slumps forwards to end up on her back. Ghost Machine picks himself up - a bit carefully, mind you - and moves over to her, then applies a lateral press as Warner drops to count… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- -but Amy kicks out! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brian Warner raises two fingers in the air, but finds Ghost Machine’s optic lenses turned towards him. ‘Slow Count. Bitch.’ Warner’s eyes open wide in rage and he prepares to chastise the android, but Ghost Machine forestalls him by dropping into another cover, this time hooking the leg… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- -but Amy Stephens kicks out again! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Amy Stephens will not go down-” “How do you know?” “…SILENCE, MISCREANT!” Ghost Machine grabs Amy by her hair and hauls her up, ignoring the protests from Brian Warner, then kicks her in the gut and grabs her around the waist as she double over… “He’s going for the Interface Bug, and that will end this match!” Comet calls in sudden fear, but as Ghost Machine tries to hoists Amy up the Punk-Rock Princess stubbornly grabs onto his leg and refuses to budge! Even Ghost Machine 2.0’s powerful servos aren’t capable of hoisting someone up when they are clinging onto his leg, and for a moment the two competitors are stuck in a stalemate… then Amy Stephens gives out a yell of effort and straightens up, back bodydropping Ghost Machine to the mat behind her! *BANG!* “LET’S GO A-MY!” “LET’S GO A-MY!” The crowd are firmly behind the girl from Nottingham, who takes a moment to grab a few deep breaths before moving in on her opponent. As Ghost Machine gets back to a vertical base Amy takes a swing… but Ghost Machine ducks and scoots behind her… then reaches round her and grabs her breasts! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Amy’s face registers the outrage she feels at being groped and her hands fly to her chest to knock her opponent’s digits away… which is exactly what Ghost Machine was counting on, as he grabs her hands and crosses her arms in front of her in preparation for a Straight-Jacket Suplex! Amy isn’t a great wrestler or student of the game, but she knows enough to realise that she won’t be able to kick out of this… so with a quick look to see where Brian Warner is she takes the only option open to her! *CHING!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “FOUL!” King bellows, jumping up, “disqualify her!” But just like with Ghost Machine throwing Amy over the top rope, if the referee doesn’t see it he can’t call it, and Warner’s view of events was blocked by his ring positioning. Granted, it’s very suspicious that Ghost Macine 2.0 doubles over clutching what would be the crotch on a human… but hey, machines go wrong all the time. Maybe it’s a glitch. ‘Does… Not… Holy shit, that hurts…’ “The villain is hoisted with his own petard,” Comet says gleefully, “perhaps we’ll see true JUSTICE~ reign tonight after all!” Amy makes sure she looks surprised when she turns around to find Ghost Machine bent double and clutching himself, but she grabs his arm and Irish whips him towards the corner anyway… well at least she tries, but even in the middle of a testicular glitch Ghost Machine 2.0’s operating system is able to enable some protection software, and he reverses the momentum to send Amy into the turnbuckles instead! *whump* The Punk-Rock Princess wheezes in the corner for a second, but it takes Ghost Machine a second or two to reboot to the stage where he can charge in after her, and this allows Amy to raise one pink-and-black Van up to take the onrushing robot in the face! Ghost Machine staggers around in a circle, and Amy looks for something to give her the advantage… and finds it on the ring apron in the shape of a can of Stella! Taking a swig for good luck the Nottingham lass advances with her can of lager, and as Ghost Machine turns she grabs his head, tilts it back and pours it into the mouth aperture! “NO!” King bellows, “you’ll invalidate the warranty! He can only be oiled with Smithwicks Ale, or a porter of similar quality!” Alas, Amy did not read the instructions (or maybe she did); Ghost Machine staggers away, making hacking and wheezing sounds that do not sound healthy! ‘ERROR…!’ *cough* ‘ERROR…!’ *splutter* With the Ghost Machine bending double in a desperate attempt to remove the vile liquid from its operating system Amy boosts herself to the second buckle, then leaps off to deliver a stunning scissors kick onto the mechanical man-strosity! *BANG!* “That’s one-half of the Disorderly Conduct,” Comet yells, “and could it be enough!?” ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon booms, “and Number One Contender to the SWF Cruiserweight Title… AAAAAAAAAA-MMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY… STEEEEEEEEEEEEE-PHENS!!” ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ fires up over the PA system and Amy wearily raises her hand in the air in victory before rolling out under the bottom rope. Meanwhile the production truck mutes King’s screams of rage, and the last thing we see is Brian Warner manically counting to three, again and again in front of the blank mask of Ghost Machine as we FADE OUT

I knew I should have tried harder with TORU... bloody Muzz beating me to it... NICE ONE MUZZ! As great as ELM's title reign was, I think it was about time that someone knocked him off the perch. Here's hoping you can continue with Davenport and keep things interesting for yourself. In other news, Asia Underground are teh shizzle, WC finally kills off Hawke in what would in kayfabe be greeted with the sort of celebations normally reserved for New Years AND the Fourth of July rolled into one, and I lose to Ghost Machine 2.0. However, since I only wrote 5k I was kinda expecting that... Oh, and Cross (David) is back. This is a good thing.

But boring.

Quiet. What better way to humiliate n00bs than repeatedly remind them how inadequate they are at knowing the fed's history?

Judge, you can stop posting now I still reckon Mak might work, if he was face Mak. Charismatic, a little bit of an ego, and knows a lot about wrestling.

Yes.

Has Axis even been active on these boards? I thought the character disappeared way back in the IGNWF?

I'm sure whoever makes the poll will give a quick rundown of them for the newbies. Hell, besides Comet on commentary the only one out of that lot that was active since I've been here was Annie, and she was hardly the promo queen.

I seemed to remember you desiring to have Edwin selling sausages and mash backstage, so I tweaked it a bit and had you as Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler. Because let's face it, Edwin is the only character that would work for

Actually, Edwin's last two appearances in the SWF were backstage as a hotdog vendor at Ground Zero '05, and then appearing as guest commentator for Blazenwing vs Blazenwing at Ramadomination. ...screw it. Edwin and King for commentary.

Drea, Comet may not have said 'Citizens' when he was active, but was Riley a flaming homosexual with a massive crush on Flesher? Some things just develop.

Hey, if you're talking about CIA, what about Mak?

I've said before that with us calling the action through our own description, all the commentators need to do are provide some insights and generally be characters, which is what the team of Comet and Riley were so great at. I still think Comet works well, and teaming him up with King could be as good as Riley. Axis - I know nothing about Axis. Edwin - given the nature of his last couple of appearances and previous departure, I'm not sure how well a reappearance as commentator would work. HOWEVER, a team of Edwin and King would be... absolutely awesome. Frost - I don't want every match to include plugs for his merchandise, which is what it'd have to be. Annie - I could see this working, y'know? Ted Polack - what the fuck? Madrac - no idea. Riley - he was a heel last time he was on commentary. As part of a three-man team he could work, but not him and King together. Hardy and Myers - fuck off.

Something a bit over 2k I think.

There was a baby panda on TV last night Pretz. In this country, at least. I thought of you.

175lbs, if we're doing weight as well. So I'm as tall as Toxxic, and marginally heavier than Amy.

Well a big, bald, black man seemed like a good place to start.

Nay Zed. The first Wrestling Panda happened ages ago. And... what am I supposed to say? Is Alex Zenon on the booking squad in kayfabe? It'd actually be helpful if I knew who the 'real' bookers were, since I'm assuming that the idiotic Peters is simply an on-air talent...