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COLE Next up is the match between the New New Midnight Express, and Synth Esizer and Punkmaster P -- the Punk Rockers. COACH Yeah, and I imagine the Punk Rockers are out for blood after all that Cornette's guys have done to them. CABOOSE It's not Cornette's fault that he's so brilliant. But, I guess you two wouldn't know anything about that. COLE Would you stop? The synthesized beat of Giorgio Moroder's "Chase" begins blasting over the multi-million dollar sound system, drawing the jeers of the fans as Jim Cornette leads the lastest incarnation of the Midnight Express -- the New New Midnight Express -- to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Making their way to the ring, accompanied by their manager Jim Cornette; at a combined weight of 460 pounds, the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXXXPRESSSS! Cornette holds the middle rope up for his men, following them in. All 3 men head to their corner, with Ned acknowledging out one of the few pro-NNMX signs in the crowd. BUFFER And their opponents. Weighing 455 pounds, Synth featuring Punkmaster P -- the PUNK RRROCKERSSSS! "G's & Soliders" hits, the the fans rising to their feet, cheering wildly as Synth and Punkmaster P sprint to the ring. The New New Midnight Express go to meet Synth and P.P. head-on, but referee Nick Patrick holds them back. Jim Cornette berates the referee when, in actuality, it's all part of the plan. The SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA blindside the Punk Rockers on their way to the ring. Shyanne, the sister of Marcellus, hands the S.C.M. a pair of NIGHTSTICKS. COLE Hey, come on, damnit! These guys have no busy being out here. Cornette keeping the referee distracted while the South Central Militia assault the Punk Rockers on the outside. COACH We're witnessing what happens to a couple of punks when they break the law in south central L.A., baby. Vincent Santana rams Punkmaster P HEAD-FIRST into the RINGPOST, knocking him out cold. Then he and Marcellus brutalize Synth with the nightsticks. Synth fights back, driving Marcellus straight back into the edge of the ring apron. Marcellus keeps him ground as he and Vincent pumpel Synth, with Vincent getting in many shots to the ribs with the nightstick. Marcellus grabs Synth's right arm and slams it down on the RING STEPS. The loud THUD grabbing the attention of Nick Patrick. He ejects the S.C.M. from ringside, calling for officials backstage to come out and escort Marcellus and Vincent. With pleasure the S.C.M. peacefully go backstage with the officials, punking fans along the way. COLE What's gonna happen here? The bell never rang -- Hell, the Punk Rockers didn't even make to the ring. Can Synth even go? His partner -- the one who's with him tonight -- is being helped to the back. Synth is in a considerable amount of pain. His arm may be broken. The South Central Militia are obviously here for the sole purpose of eliminating the Heavenly Rockers from the OAOAST. They've taken out Holly-Wood -- damn near breaking her neck. They've taken out Logan -- not physically but emotional. And they just may have taken out Synth. Nick Patrick confers with Synth outside, crotching down. He rises back up and calls for the b-- Synth calls him by the collar of his shirt, shouting "NO!" "YEEEEAAAAHHHH!" The cameras pick up Nick repeatedly asking, "Are you sure?" Synth nods. NICK: "I want you to be sure that I'm ending the match the moment I see you in trouble, you understand?" Synth nods again. He jumps in the ring before Nick Patrick has a chance to call for the bell. COLE This kid's got guts. He probably shouldn't even wrestle, especially since it's gonna be 2-on-1 with Punkmaster P out, but he's fighting not just for himself but for his friends. COACH He can always find new ones. * DING DING * The Midnights break away from Jim Cornette and charge Synth. He ducks underneath a double-team clothesline, hits the ropes and takes both Midnights off their feet with a running dropkick! Ned knocked back off his feet with a spinning heel kick. Simon kicked on the way. Irish whip. Back bodydrop. His back facing the Midnights, Synth climbs the turnbuckles all the way up. Perched on the top, he checks between his legs, waiting for both Midnights to get back to their feet. MOONSAULT! Nick Patrick counts both Midnights. ONE... TWO... TH-- NO, KICKOUT! "The Handsome Hustler" met with a dropkick, followed by a running leg lariat that sends him through the ropes to the outside. Simon nails Synth with a hard shot from behind. He whips him to the corner, charging in after him, Synth leaping onto the top rope and diving back onto Singleton with a reverse CROSS BODY! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! With just Synth and Simon in the ring, the crowd calls for the DDT. Synth sets Simon up for Percussion. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Ned steaming ahead, but is unable to react quickly enough. Blanchard with a SIDEKICK to the arm. The pain running down the arm causing Synth to let go of the front facelock. Singleton capitalizes, hitting a SINGLE-ARM DDT! Synth SCREAMS at the top of his lungs as Simon leans back and applies an ARMBAR. The scream causes Nick Patrick to immediately call for the bell. * DING DING DING DING * "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE The fans don't like it. But it's the right call. A young man's career is at stake here. Now break the damn hold, damnit! Break it! Nick Patrick forcefully tries to pull Simon off, but Ned comes over and shoves him to the corner. Jim Cornette keeps Nick trapped in the corner, parking his backside up against the long-time referee. The armbar still applied, Synth can only hope and pray Simon lets go of the hold before any further damage is done. Ned stomping him in the back of the head. Cornette tosses Blanchard the TENNIS RACKET. The good news for Synth is, the armbar is released. The bad news: Simon extends the arm out and Ned bases the racket across the arm. COLE Officials storm the ring and thankfully regain order. The New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette making their way backstage, pleased with their actions. I'm tellin' you, some day those 3 men will get theirs. And when they do, I and millions of fans around the world will watch as they get their asses handed to them. The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and Vitamin X are the only ones in the room. The crowd boos the moment they appear onscreen. Both men are in their wrestling attires. Vitamin X is doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle while Tha Puerto Rican is lost in thought, holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He is also wearing his Puerto Rico flag facepaint. The hubcap from the El Camino is sitting on one of the couches. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN Yo, you ready for tonight? VITAMIN X Boss, I’ve been waiting for this moment for my entire life! Tonight, my name goes in the OAOAST record books as the man who RETIRED The Parka! When you look back at AngleSlam 2005, you will remember that it was Vitamin X, The X-Man, who ended The Parka’s legendary career, once and for all! PRL Yes. That’s EXACTLY what I want to hear! Tonight, you will CRIPPLE Parka! You are going to attack that back like a shark that smells blood. And when that match ends, it will end just like all my matches end. With you on top, and Parka lying on the mat staring at the lights! VITAMIN X Yep. Lindsay may have lost, but I will come out a winner tonight! The Parka is going down! PRL And that’s the truth, Ruth! VX Heh. Listen, Puerto. I want to thank you. Because if it weren’t for you giving me that motivational speech back in July, I wouldn’t be here tonight about to retire The Parka. If it weren’t for you telling me to do things on my own, I wouldn’t be here, on the verge of becoming a singles superstar. PRL blushes at this. VX P.R., it’s all because of you that I’m standing here in my wrestling attire tonight at AngleSlam. I will become a superstar, and it’s all thanks to you! Which is why, as a token of my appreciation, I’m giving you this. Vitamin X grabs a giant red box with a green bow on top of it that was sitting right next to the hubcap. VX hands the box over to Tha Puerto Rican. PRL looks at the box with a puzzling look on his face. PRL Uh, X. I like you, but not in THAT way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. VITAMIN X I’m not hitting on you. What I AM doing is giving you something special. I went to the person I go to to get my jewelry, Jacob The Jeweler, and I asked him to create something very special just for you. This, my man, is for you. From me to you. PRL shakes the box. VITAMIN X COME ON AND OPEN IT UP! PRL glares at X. VITAMIN X I mean…uh, open it. Tha Puerto Rican slowly opens up the box. His eyes light up once he sees what’s inside. PRL I don’t believe it! Tha Puerto Rican pulls out a brand-new 24/7 Championship belt! The belt is diamond encrusted, with small gold clocks on the sides. The “24/7” part of the belt is especially shiny. PRL is mesmerized by the belt. The crowd isn’t. PRL Wow. Just—wow. I don’t believe it. You…you did this for me! You created a belt just for me? VX Yeah. I felt that a man of your caliber needed to carry something better looking than that thing around your shoulder. This new belt cost $10,000 to make. I wanted to give you the best belt money can buy. PRL Oh man. X, you shouldn’t have! This belt is gorgeous! It’s absolutely wonderful! It’s the most beautiful belt I’ve ever seen! VX It spins. PRL It what? VX It spins too. Try it. PRL spins the belt plate: PRL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!! IT’S SPINNING, MAN, IT’S SPINNING! IT’S SPINNING, MAN, IT’S SPINNING! PRL spins the belt plate again. Vitamin X stands there with a smile on his face. PRL X, I love this belt. I’m going to be carrying this belt with me from now on. PRL drops the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt on the floor, and puts HIS custom made 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. PRL shines the belt plate, and then spins it again. VX And I did it just for you. PRL hugs Vitamin X. PRL Thanks man. VX Tonight, P.R., I’m dedicating my match to you. PRL To me? VX To you. PRL Respeck. PRL and Vitamin X pound fists. PRL looks at his belt for a few seconds, as if he is mesmerized by it. PRL Well, what are we waiting for? It’s time to make some history! I gotta go. X, good luck tonight. The Lightning Crew will be rooting for you. VITAMIN X Good luck to you too boss. PRL leaves the room. Vitamin X looks on with a wide smile on his face. VITAMIN X The Parka’s career will END tonight! I’m going to do it. I’m going to do it! I’m going to end his career! Vitamin X starts pacing around The Lightning Crew dressing room.

Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, from Boston, MA, she weighs in at 110 lbs, she is A-YAN-E MIT-SU-I! ~”Ashburn” starts up, and Ayane walks out, but as she’s halfway down the ramp, Lindsay dashes out and axehandles her from behind, knocking Ayane down.~ Cole: Why couldn’t she wait for the match to begin? Caboose: Because only losers impose limitations like ringing bells upon themselves. Winners strike whenever they see and opening, and Lindsay is proving she is a WINNER by hitting Ayane when she least expects it. ~Lindsay begins stomping on Ayane before the referee yells at her to get in the ring, so Lindsay pulls up Ayane by her red dyed hair and pulls her the rest of the way to the ring and rolls her in. Lindsay then goes to the apron, jumps onto the top rope, and hits a SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE STOMP onto Ayane’s back! Cole: I think Ayane just had her back snapped in two! ~Lindsay begins to stomp on Ayane’s back again.~ Cole: I think Lindsay wants to cripple Ayane Mitsui. Coach: Good for her, Ayane is a waste of a woman. Cole: How can you say that, Coach? Coach: She doesn’t do bikini contests, her outfit is about as sexy as RVD’s sweaty singlets, and she just wants to wrestle! Everyone knows that women should be eye candy first, and wrestlers second, that’s why my money is on Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, she’s much easier on the eyes. Cole: For the love of God…. ~Back in the ring, Ayane catches Ayane unawares with a double leg takedown as she tries another stomp, and Ayane leaps onto Lindsay and begins to rain down blows on Lindsay. The referee gives up and calls for the bell. Ayane suddenly stops and walks away, then turns back and waits for Lindsay to get to her feet.~ Cole: She might be looking to hit the Golden High Kick right here! Caboose: She’ll take poor Lindsay’s head clean off her shoulders! ~Ayane swings out with the kick as Lindsay gets up, but she stumbles down and the kick sails over her head.~ Caboose: God, was she ever lucky there! ~Lindsay gathers her wits and gets up, quickly. She dropkicks the disoriented Ayane, knocking her into the ropes, and then hits her with another dropkick, this time knocking the Japanese kick boxer down.~ Cole: Lindsay shows shades of Maven as she hits a pair of picture perfect dropkicks. Caboose: Are you going to mention horrible wrestlers every show now? Cole: Not necessarily, and hey, Maven WAS the first winner of Tough Enough and knocked Undertaker out of a Royal Rumble once! Caboose: He still sucked, and comparing the sexy athlete who’s taking over this match to a loser like Maven is a great insult to her! Coach: Wow, Caboose is really hot tonight! ~The camera switches to Sofa Central for just a moment as Caboose slugs Coach, knocking him out for a while.~ Caboose: God, I hate him. ~Back in the ring, Lindsay tries to grab Ayane’s legs to attempt a submission, but Ayane keeps kicking at her. Lindsay gives up and leaps onto the ropes, attempting a Lionsault..~ Cole: Nobody’s home! Ayane rolled and Lindsay misses the Lionsault! ~Ayane gets up and waits for Lindsay to get back up before firing off a series of jabs, hooks, and kicks to the shins and knees.~ Cole: Ayane Mitsui was a world class kick boxer, and she’s showing why with all of these quick strikes to Lindsay. Caboose: But, don’t you think Lindsay has been training to take these blows? Ayane might just be gassing herself out. ~Ayane drives Lindsay into the ropes, and then takes a step back and hits a flying clothesline!~ Cole: Both women tumble out to the floor with that flying lariat! ~Ayane gets up first, and she pulls up Lindsay, but Lindsay grabs Ayane by the head and slams it into the apron. Lindsay then drags Ayane over and slams her head into the ring stairs. Ayane wobbles for a moment before falling to the floor.~ Cole: Lindsay has spent most of her time out here trying to turn this wrestling match into a bar room brawl! Caboose: Cole, Cole, Cole, don’t you have any faith in the fine referee the OAOAST has assigned to this match? If she was really doing anything illegal, the referee would admonish her, warn her, maybe even disqualify her, wouldn’t he? Cole: Just because she’s operating within the rules doesn’t mean her tactics are superb examples of sportsmanship. Caboose: I really don’t care about sportsmanship; I care about winning, Cole. She’s making sure she wins by staying within the rules but maximizing the damage she does. ~Lindsay attempts to whip Ayane into the opposite ringpost, but Ayane reverses and Lindsay slams her shoulder into the post! Lindsay gets pulled off by Ayane and rolled into the ring as she clutches at her shoulder. Ayane rolls Lindsay onto her back and drags her by the bad arm into the middle of the ring, then applies a FUJIWARA ARMBAR!~ Cole: Ayane shows she’s more than a kick boxer as she applies this painful submission hold, the Fujiwara Armbar! ~Lindsay struggles and tries to reach the ropes, but she can’t stand the pain and she taps out. Ayane immediately breaks the hold and raises her arms in victory as the crowd cheers.~ Cole: Ayane Mitsui defeats Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez with the Fujiwara Armbar! Caboose: Not without the help of the ringpost! Cole: She just gave Lindsay a taste of her own medicine! ~Otaku runs out and hugs Ayane as she goes to the floor and they leave, celebrating her victory and handing out lots of high fives.~ The camera cuts to the back, where the Cuban Wall is getting a pep talk from PRL as he punches at the air. COLE There, we see the Cuban Wall getting prepared for his match! It'll be Wall stepping into the Chamber of Hell with five other men for a shot at Alfdogg's Heartland title!

COLE Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to AngleSlam 2005! I'm Michael Cole, alongside Caboose and the Coach, and we are just about to get underway. COACH Oh, man, the Coach is more pumped than he is when he hangs around highschools! COLE What? CABOOSE Are you there for the girls or the boys? COLE Creepy. FOlks, we've got a huge lineup, including the Street Fight between Vitamin X and the Parka, and the first-ever meeting between Zack Malibu and Drek Stone. And of course, Axel and Hoff for the World Title. But right now, Michael Buffer is ready to kick it off with our first match!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Lllladies and gentlemen, the following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the OAOAST X-Division Championship! “YEAHHHHHHHHHH!” CUE: Plug In Baby by Muse “BOOOOOOOOOO!” A blue hue falls over the Horizon as the lyrics begin, the crowd trying to drown it out with boos. I've exposed your lies Baby The underneath's no big surprise Now it's time for changing And cleansing everything to forget your love BOOOOOM! One pyro explosion later and the challenger steps through the curtain, cockily thrusting her arms into the air even though she’s going at it sans Gunner Sharps, her muscle, at ringside. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger; from Coquitlam, British Colombia, Canada, weighing in at one hundred and fifty pounds, she is the Female Phenom......Crrrrrrystallllllll!!! COLE I’m surprised she looks so confident tonight, as her opponent not only outweighs her by 150 pounds, but is very very angry with her. COACH I told you guys, Crystal has a plan. She let me in on it earlier, and it’s a very good one. Crystal steps through the ropes and, in a very ladylike gesture, spits the gum she was chewing into the crowd (which will be up on EBay by the end of the night) and pulls at the ropes, loosening herself up as the blue hue turns into blue strobes as Oh Hell Yeah begins. The X-Champion, still limping slightly, walks through the curtain, a look of focus mixed with some anger on his face. “YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!” BUFFER And her opponent; from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds, he is the reigning X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLD......Peterrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiight!!! COLE That man is no pushover. His left knee has been taking a beating over the past few months, but he has fought through the pain and has defended his title successfully. CABOOSE But he’s starting to go from “gutsy” to “stupid and title-less” if he keeps giving his opponents such an inviting target. Crystal knew it in their first match, and she’s going to try to finish the job right now. Knight unstraps his belt and hands it off to referee Nick Patrick, who holds it up for the fans before handing it off to the timekeeper. He checks both for foreign objects and, seeing that both are clean, signals for the bell. *DING DING* Knight charges and lunges at Crystal, but she quickly sidesteps him, firing off a quick kick to his knee, causing him to stumble a bit into the corner. Crystal smirks as Knight adjusts his brace and rubs the knee. COLE That brace might help the knee a bit, but that was a sharp kick right to the back of it. Patrick asks Knight if he wants to continue, which is a stupid question to ask him, and orders both of them to fight. Knight takes his time this time, circling Crystal and looking for an opening. Crystal waits for him to make his move and uses her speed to sidestep him again and runs off the ropes. Knight tries a clothesline, but Crystal goes into a slide underneath Knight’s legs, popping up and kicking the knee again. Knight stumbles into the corner, but Crystal keeps on him, alternating kicks to the knee and the gut before draping his left leg on the middle rope and pulling up on his foot, putting pressure on the knee. Patrick starts his count and Crystal releases at 4, only to grab his foot again and pull, pressing against the knee for more pressure. Patrick counts again, but Knight gets Crystal off himself by clubbing her in the back. He grabs her arm and shoots her off the ropes, putting his head down and sending Crystal airborne with a back body drop. Crystal stumbles to the ropes and gets back to her feet, but Knight charges and nails her with a clothesline, sending her cartwheeling over the top and to the floor. The momentum also sends Knight to the floor, but he quickly gets up, his knee unharmed. CABOOSE A very risky move there, as an awkward landing would have torqued the knee even more. Knight pulls her up by the hair and prepares her for a whip, sending her careening into the ringpost with an audible *SMACK* and spinning her to the floor in front of Sofa Central. COLE Hey Coach, your dream’s come true; Crystal is flat on her back right at your feet. Patrick’s count is up to 5 as Knight walks over to retrieve her, pulling her up by the hair and throwing her back into the ring, sliding in under the ropes himself. He pulls her up and hits a backdrop suplex, immediately going for the cover. 1.... 2.... But she kicks out. Knight whips her into the corner and moves in. Crystal swings her feet up, trying for a kick, but Knight swats them down and *SMACK* nails a chop. “WHOOOO!!” *SMACK* “WHOOOOO!” *SMACK* WHOOOOO!” But Crystal jams her foot into Knight’s kneecap to immediately slow him down, following up with a chop clock to put him on the mat. She steps on the knee and pulls the foot upwards, bringing it a few inches off the ground before stomping it back down to the mat. She does it again, and proceeds to attempt to remove the kneebrace. Patrick warns her with an immediate disqualification if she does, so she reluctantly stops and drives her own knee into it, pulling the foot back for pressure. COLE Patrick must have been told by GM Calvin Szechstein to stop her from removing that brace because he knew she would try to do that and get an advantage. CABOOSE Gee, brilliant observation, Sherlock. Knight reaches his arm out and drags himself the few inches it takes to grab the bottom rope and force a break. She keeps the hold on after a four count and releases, looking at Patrick and kissing her hand before slapping her ass with it, but she suddenly falls backwards into a rollup pin by Knight! 1..... 2..... A surprised Crystal kicks out and begins to stomp the knee again as punishment. She drags Knight to the center of the ring and locks in a single leg crab. COLE Crystal got too overconfident there and almost lost the match COACH But now she’s slowing things down and keeping him on the mat, the first part of her strategy, by the way. COLE What’s the other part? COACH You’ll see. Crystal leans back, bending the knee as Knight grimaces in pain. Knight, however, is able to drag Crystal with him over to the ropes and once again force a break. COLE See, the problem with this is that Crystal just isn’t big enough to really get enough leverage to keep Knight on the ground and prevent him from being able to get to the ropes. CABOOSE How come you aren’t this analytical on Smackdown? COLE I have Stephanie McMahon in my ear all the time. What do you think? She kicks the knee, dragging him back to the center of the ring and spins around with a toehold, trying a figure four, but Knight puts his foot on her BUTT and pushes her off into the corner, slamming her sternum first into the corner. She stumbles backwards into a full nelson by Knight, who lifts her up and slams her to the mat. He covers. 1..... 2..... But she just kicks out before the three. Knight goes to pull her up by the hair, but..... *CHING* “Oooooooohhh!” Crystal low blows him. Patrick, being a bit more lenient because it’s a title match, simply warns her, but the move has done what she wanted to do: slow Knight down. Knight has fallen to one knee, grimacing in pain from a new sore spot and doesn’t notice Crystal standing behind him, waiting for him to get up. He gets to a vertical position and Crystal grabs a waistlock, lifting Knight up and..... *BAM* Hitting a release German suplex!! COACH AW YEAH! COLE Wow, Crystal showing off her strength with that suplex. She makes a Razor Ramon-esque “That’s it!” gesture with her arms and walks towards the corner. COACH And now she wants to finish it, guys. Looking back to make sure Knight’s in position, she climbs up to the middle turnbuckle. She raises her arms in mock victory, drawing a cavalcade of boos from the crowd before hopping up to the top turnbuckle.... .....Jumping off with a moonsault..... *WHAM* ....And getting a face full of canvas. “YEAHHHHHHHH” COLE Diamond in the Rough, but NOBODY HOME!!!! COACH DAMMIT!! Crystal rolls around on the mat, holding her ribs as Knight, heavily limping on his knee now, walks over to her, spreads her feet apart (get the minds out of the gutters, sickos) and steps between them! COLE And now it’s Ace time!! Knight grapevines the legs and turns her over, but when he goes to reach for her arms, he suddenly releases the hold and collapses face first to the mat grabbing his left knee in agony. CABOOSE The knee can’t take it! This might be her chance! Crystal, still holding her ribs with one hand, steps over Knight’s legs and pulls them up, crossing them and pulling him further upwards, grinding her knee into Knight’s back! COACH The Crystalling!!!! She’s gonna do it!! COLE I said Knight could be able to get to the ropes, but this hold gives her much more leverage! The Horizon crowd attempts to rally Knight, clapping their hands and stomping their feet as he grunts in pain and Crystal leans back for more pressure. CRYSTAL COME ON!!!! TAP!!!! “Let’s go P-K” *clap clap clapclapclap* “Let’s go P-K” *clap clap clapclapclap* “Let’s go P-K” *clap clap clapclapclap* “Let’s go P-K” *clap clap clapclapclap* COLE Listen to this! COACH It doesn’t mean a damn thing, Cole. All she’s got to do is keep the pressure on and the title’s hers!!! Knight takes a few deep breaths and puts his hands palm down on the canvas, pushing himself up and starts to crawl towards the ropes, but he only goes a foot before running out of steam and going back down to the mat. He endures the pain for a little bit before pushing himself up again and inching closer, the cheering and stomping intensifying the closer he gets. COACH and CRYSTAL TAP!!! CABOOSE Geez, sit down Coach. You are WAY too into this match. Knight inches closer...... ......closer....the rope is almost within reach..... .....he reaches out..... .....and grabs the rope!!! “YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” COACH NO!!!!! Crystal groans in frustration as Patrick begins his five count, releasing the hold at four. She pouts and kicks the ropes, saying some very naughty words that would get us in trouble with the FCC. Completely aggravated, she goes to remove the brace again. COLE Come on, get off of him. Patrick warns her again, but is ignored. He is forced to physically pull Crystal away, sending them both stumbling backwards. Suddenly, Crystal “trips” and brings Patrick down with her, making sure that he’s face down on the mat, unable to see or really hear anything. COACH Well, looks like it’s time for Plan B. COLE What? Coach stands from his seat, folding up the chair he was sitting on and walking away from Sofa Central. He makes sure Patrick is distracted before walking over to where Knight is. COLE What is he doing? Coach raises the chair and..... *WHAP* Slams it into the left knee!! ”BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! COLE What the hell?!?! Coach, making sure he wasn’t caught, walks back over to Sofa Central and unfolds his chair, taking his seat once again and donning his headset. COACH THAT was Plan B. CABOOSE What the hell did you do THAT for? COACH SHUT IT!!! Come on, pin him!!! Crystal, giving a slight wink to Coach, drags Knight to the center of the ring and hooks the leg. COACH YES!!! YES!!! COLE NO!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!! ONNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THRRRRRRRRRRNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! COACH NO! NO, GODDAMIT!!! That’s it. COLE Knight just kicked out!! Hey! Get back here Jonathan! Coach grabs his chair once again and hops onto the apron, holding it out like a target. Patrick starts to go over to get him down, but Crystal shoves him over and picks Knight up by the hair. COLE What the hell has gotten into Jonathan Coachman?! CABOOSE Search me, mate. Crystal charges, ready to splatter Knight’s face into the steel........but Knight pushes her off, her own momentum sending her careening towards Coach and *SMACK* right into the chair, the force sending Coach flying off the apron to the floor. “YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Crystal staggers backwards......right into a fireman’s carry! COLE Here it comes!!!! CABOOSE She’s fighting it!! Crystal wiggles and wriggles, trying to get free and Knight stumbles around the ring, trying to keep her up on one good wheel. His knee buckles slightly, and he falls to one knee, but he keeps Crystal on his shoulders and, legs shaking, fights through the pain and gets back to his feet. He steadies himself, spins Crystal off and..... *WHAM* “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” COLE KNIGHTMARE!!! KNIGHTMARE!!! KNIGHTMARE!!! Here’s the cover! ONNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! ”YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” *DING DING* COLE Knight retains his belt!! He rolls off Crystal and pounds the mat, clenching his fists and raising his arms in victory as Coachman pounds the apron on the outside. Patrick hands the belt to Knight as Buffer, trying to be heard over the roar, makes it official. BUFFER Llllladies and gentlemen, here is your winner.....and STILL the OAOAST X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOOORRRRLLLLLD…..Peterrrrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiiiight!!!!! Knight makes a move towards Coachman, but Patrick restrains him at the ropes, telling him that the whole thing is over. Adjusting his brace, he walks to all four corners and raises the X-Division belt for all to see before throwing it over his shoulder and stepping out onto the ramp, raising his arms in victory as he walks to the back. Meanwhile, Coach returns to Sofa Central. COLE Want to tell me what the hell that was all about? COACH I don’t want to talk about it. COLE But..... COACH I SAID I don’t want to talk about it!! Go to something else. God-dammit we were close. COLE “We”? The camera cuts to the backstage area. The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick arrive, which causes the crowd to boo. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is wearing a suit and tie, and is holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left arm, and is holding Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez with his right arm. PRL and Lindsay look at each other lovingly. Cuban Wall and Vitamin X are walking right next to them, while Thomas Rodriguez and Mr. Boricua walk behind them. The Lightning Crew and Popick all have smirks on their faces. COLE There it is The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick. They have a big night in front of them. COACH That’s right, Cole. Four Lightning Crew members will be in action tonight. COLE “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican defends his OAOAST 24/7 Championship against Otaku II. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez battles Ayane Mitsui in a one-on-one match. Cuban Wall will be one of the five men gunning for Alfdogg’s Heartland Championship in the Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell Match which also includes JINGUS, Mike Guerriero, Thunderkid, and Reject. And Vitamin X will take on The Parka in a Street Fight! COACH And let’s not forget that Stephen Joseph will be involved in a tag team match along with Dan Black against The GPX! COLE Will The Lightning Crew go 4-0 tonight at AngleSlam? Or 0-4? CABOOSE 4-0. COLE Your answer doesn’t count Caboose! CABOOSE Yes it does.

TV-14 L,V * DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! We fade in on a shot of the Rosemont Horizon. The ring is set, the AngleTron is ready to go, and the beautiful AngleSlam logo adorns the hall. The fans are rowdy, raucous...and they go WILD as fireworks explode into the air! Amidst the chaos, in the upper deck, sit our two favorite analysts -- or at least the two that will work for the cheapest. TONY SCHIAVONE and JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA! VENTURA Oh, yeah, Tony, now THIS is a big-time atmosphere! SCHIAVONE Welcome fans to our presentation of AngleSlam 2005! Tony Schiavone alongside my friend and colleague, Jesse "The Body" Ventura. VENTURA I ain't your friend, Schiavone. But I have to be in a good mood tonight. Can you believe this crowd? They are more pumped than an audience watching one of my great films. SCHIAVONE I don't know about that, Jess, but I do know that we have a great, great lineup in store tonight, capped off by several huge, main-event quality matches. Obviously we know we'll see titles on the line tonight, we'll see Peter Knight defend his X-Title against Crystal, and Jess, what do you think of that one? VENTURA Well The Body is very old-school, Tony, you know that, but Crystal has shown she's willing to do whatever is necessary to get the win, and I think she'll get it done tonight. SCHIAVONE Interesting analysis, Jess. We've also got tha Puerto Rican, PRL, defending his 24/7 Title against the masked man, Otaku II. VENTURA Otaku is a very underrated competitor in my mind, but tonight I don't think he measures up to tha Puerto Rican, who is in my mind the best 24/7 Champion of all time. SCHIAVONE Strong words. We also have Alfdogg defending the Heartland Title in the Invitational Chamber of Hell, and that promises to be a wild one. VENTURA Alfdogg has been red-hot as the Heartland Champion, and I'm sure he'll give us a match to remember. SCHIAVONE And if we're talking title matches, we've got to be talking about Hoff versus Axel. VENTURA The World Title on the line, and this will be an epic confrontation between two big, dominant guys. I think tonight, I have to give the egde to the champion. Why? Because he's been through worse, and come out on top. SCHIAVONE A very deserving champion, as well as a deserving challenger. Well folks, we'd love to run down the rest for you, but they're telling us it's time to get underway with our first matchup. Fellas, take it from here!

Thanks for letting me know.

[i]*dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO![/i] And the crowd goes CRAZY as CSI steps onto the ramp!! COACH They're really here! COLE CSI has made their return to AngleSlam! CABOOSE Yeah, but by my count, they're minus one member! CSI gets one hell of a "welcome back" cheer from the Chicago crowd as they make their way down the aisle! Jay Richards is even getting high-fives from the fans. The rookie slides into the ring, and poses on the top rope as Jumbo climbs the steps, holding the ropes for Stevens. The man in charge steps into the ring, holding his arms out and getting a massive cheer. COLE And listen to this reaction that CSI is getting! COACH I can't believe it! Stevens asks for a mic. The three men congregate in the center of the ring. STEVENS Finally. A city with some class. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" JAY What up, CHI-TOWN~! Jumbo takes the mic, looking a little choked up! JUMBO Boy.....it is good to be home. A "JUM-BO!" chant breaks out, and the big man nods, patting his heart. COLE This is surreal! CABOOSE These fans are so pumped up tonight, they are loving everyone. Stevens takes the microphone, patting his cohort on the shoulder. STEVENS Well, I didn't expect this....but we'll take it. Thank you. "C-S-I! C-S-I!" COACH This is unbelievable!! CABOOSE Chicago has always been a smart crowd, Coach. STEVENS Now.....let me address the current situation. I'm sure you all remember our old friend, Brock Ausstin.... "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" STEVENS Well, hold up there, kids. I've got something to say about Brock Ausstin. The crowd quiets down. STEVENS For the last month, I have been calling Brock Ausstin. Trying to get a hold of him. Trying to work things out between us. I have gotten nowhere. And every week, I have waited at home to see if he'd show up on OAOAST programming. But nothing...not a word. And so, we're through waiting. As of right now, CSI reclaims the airwaves. The crowd cheers. Jay nods, grinning like a fool. STEVENS And you may hate us...or you may love us-- "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" STEVENS But you won't forget us. And this week, on HeldDown, Brock Ausstin, I am calling you out. The crowd EXPLODES!!! COLE Oh my goodness! Chris Stevens calling Brock out! Suddenly, "Punishment" kicks in, and the fans come alive again!! COACH Is he HERE?! All eyes are on the curtain as Brock's music plays....and out steps....RICK HEYROSS!!!! COLE WHAT THE HELL?! Rick stands at the top of the stage, with a mic. HEYROSS Hey, Chris. Remember me? The fans cheer, not knowing what to think! HEYROSS Well I'm back, and I have a message for you. Be careful what you with for, because you just might get it. COLE What? What does that mean? HEYROSS And this Thursday....MY CLIENT will see you at HeldDown!! COLE WHOA!! CABOOSE Wait a minute!! Has Brock Ausstin re-signed with Heyross? COLE Apparently! Stevens shakes his head. STEVENS Rick....no way. There's no way you've got Brock in your pocket. HEYROSS Think what you want, believe what you want. But this Thursday, you and the world will know the truth. Enjoy the show, Chris, because it'll be the last thing you do enjoy for awhile. "Punishment" kicks in again, and Heyross smirks as he exits. In the ring, Stevens scowls. Jay ushers him out of the ring, telling him it'll be all right. COLE Well, what an announcement, both by Stevens, and by the returning Rick Heyross! And just WHAT will happen with Brock Ausstin this week? COACH I have no idea, but I cannot wait for HeldDown! COLE Well hang on there, partner, because we are moments away from a doozy. A real humdinger. The Street Fight between Vitamin X and The Parka, and it happens....next!

A little Hoff pre-match bit. ********************* The cameras cut to Josh Matthews, standing outside of a door. But not just any door; this door has a large "H" on the front. This door could belong to only one man. Matthews knocks on the door, and a moment later it opens. The fans explode as from the door, Hoff steps out. "HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF!" Hoff nods, smiling as Matthews raises the mic. MATTHEWS So, Hoff-- The challenger to the World Title casually grabs the mic, and casually pushes Josh away. Josh stumbles out of scene, and Hoff looks hard at the camera. HOFF First of all, welcome. "TO THE FUTURE!!" HOFF And the first thing I'd like to do tonight is apologize to all my fans. I know I've been MIA lately. But tonight, I promise you...I PROMISE you...I will make up for lost time. Hoff smirks. HOFF Tonight...we're walking out of here with the title. "YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!" HOFF And Josh, I don't know why you were coming back here, because there's nothing more that needs to be said. It's all come down to this. The two best in the world fighting it out for the right to be called champion. Now I've said it all along...this is my title. I never lost it. Tonight, I get it back. It's fate-- it's destiny. Tonight a wrong is righted. Tonight a dream becomes reality once more. Tonight....the future arrives. The fans go nuts, cheering their lungs out for the big man. HOFF Axel...good luck. Hoff flips the mic back to a recovered Josh Matthews, and the cameras cut back to Sofa Central.

COLE Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a wild night so far. But now, its all about the OAOAST Championship. But first, let me read a statement from OAOAST President Bill Watts regarding the speculation on the future of the two men involved in tonight’s match. It reads: [i]“You will note that for the past two weeks, OAOAST Champion Axel and Number One Contender Hoff have been absent from all OAOAST Programming. I would like to assure the fans that these two men have NOT left the company, but were involved in intensive contract negotiations, which gave the OAOAST Board of Directors no choice but to remove them from all advertised dates. Axel and Hoff are both happy that the dispute is over, and both men cannot wait to wrestle for the OAOAST Championship tonight. Due to legal reasons, no member of the OAOAST can discuss the events of the last two weeks, so the company would appreciate it if no questions were asked. We hope you enjoy the following Main Event, as the two top OAOAST Superstars clash for the most important championship in the world today.”[/i] COACH Well, there you have it, as Mr. Watts said; we can’t talk about that, so let’s get on with our Main Event! COLE Axel versus Hoff. The two most successful young stars in OAOAST History. It’s interesting though, because whenever these two meet each other, something seems to happen so that we cannot get a decisive winner. But rest assured ladies and gentlemen, we will get a winner tonight. Guys, who are you pulling for here? COACH Well it’s no secret I’ve always been a fan of Hoff’s work, and he holds the edge tonight. Six foot five inches, two hundred seventy-five pounds. The big man has a height and weight advantage, and he’ll be trying to exploit that advantage as soon as possible in this match. Hoff has shown that he can zero in on the back with ease, as well as torture with the Ankle Lock. He’d be well served to go for either of those body parts, as Axel would be virtually powerless on one leg, or with a shattered spine. CABOOSE I’m definitely pulling for Axel tonight. The guy has been a great OAOAST Champion so far, he’s defeated Tony Brannigan, CWM, Crystal, and a host of other talent. So Hoff won a glorified Battle Royal. So what? Axel has proved time and time again that you can’t count him out. Axel has also been known for going for a body part, early in his career he worked the leg, but now we have seen a shift to working on the neck of his opponent to set up for high impact moves like the Brainbuster, the Axel Slam, and that devastating Inverted Piledriver, Dark Royalty. But I don’t think just the neck will do it guys; I think Axel has to focus on another body part as well. Perhaps an arm, or his old way of going after the leg. COLE Whatever the strategy is by these two men, it has to be sound, because Axel and Hoff are two of the toughest competitors to ever step into that squared circle, it’ll take a lot to get them down for a three count. CABOOSE Well remember, it took three men to beat Axel last time he was pinned, by Tony Brannigan a little over ten weeks ago. COLE Well, let’s send this one down to ringside, where Michael Buffer is standing by. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is our Main Event of the evening. It is scheduled for one fall, with a one hour time limit, and is for the One and Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Wrestling Championship of the WOOOOORRRRLLLLDDDD!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEAHHHH!!!” BUFFER Would you please welcome as they perform the respective theme songs, the OAOAST’s two favourite bands…. SEEEVENDUST AAAAAANNNNDDD DISTUUUURBED!!!! The light shines on the left hand side of the AngleMania stage, where Sevendust are ready to perform. The opening riff of ‘Black’ begins to play as the crowd go COMPLETELY insane. Sevendust are rocking out on the stage, with Lajon on vocals, ready to perform. The cue comes, and the hard rock song begins… [i]Voices call, they call out my name, my name, my name. Well, they say I'm different. Well I'm not the same, same. You say you want to, ah, be like me. Well, boy let me tell ya, you don't know what I've seen. They say a devil lives in my soul. I promise not to let him take control…[/i] [size=7][color=silver]BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!![/color][/size] “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!” As the chorus begins, Hoff, clad in black tights with electric blue trim, steps out from behind the curtain to a thunderous ovation from the Chicago crowd. The challenger plays to the crowd, and then points at Sevendust, showing them respect as they continue with ‘Black’. [i]I’m minding my own business! I ain’t doing noth-ing wro-ong![/i] Hoff slaps a couple hands on his way to the squared circle, before entering the ring, and posing on the turnbuckles as Sevendust begin to end their short rendition of ‘Black’. They finish, and the crowd goes wild! COLE Wow, no one knew we’d be having a rock concert here tonight, that must have been what Axel was discussing with General Manager Calvin Szechstein! Just as Sevendust start, the spotlight leaves them and moves to the right hand side of the stage, where the Disturbed drummer begins to rhythmically play. The crowd once again go crazy, as they know that this music belongs to the champion. The guitarist begins playing soon after the drummer, who is joined by singer David Draiman. [i]Can you feel that? …shit[/i] The music becomes louder, the cheers greater, and the song builds to… [i]OW-A-A-A-A![/i] [color=red][size=7]BOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!![/color][/size] The heavy metal band rock out with ‘Down with the Sickness’ as pyro shoots out all over the Rosemont Horizon. From beyond the smoke steps the OAOAST Champion, belt shining around his waist, perhaps for the very last time. Axel looks at the sold out crowd, pointing at his belt, and jogging over to Disturbed, fired up for his match. [i] Drowning deep in my sea of loathing Broken your servant I kneel (Will you give in to me?) It seems what's left of my human side Is slowly changing in me (Will you give in to me?) Looking at my own reflection When suddenly it changes Violently it changes (oh no) There is no turning back now You've woken up the demon in me[/i] BOOOOM!!!!!! As the chorus begins, Axel hits the crucifix pose in the middle of the ramp, before walking down and entering the ring. Disturbed perform the chorus and then fade it out, with Axel acknowledging them as he poses. COACH Great stuff here guys, the crowd loves it, these two men are ready, and we are ready for our Main Event! For the incredibly over-done introductions, back to Michael Buffer. BUFFER [i]Let me introduce first, the challenger. He stands six feet, five inches tall. Earlier tonight in the backstage area he weighed in at two hundred seventy five and one-quarter pounds. Known for his Heart, his Heroism, and his Hugeness. Coming into this company as a shy twenty-five year old in December of Two-Thousand Three, he soon shot to prominence with a victory over company founder CWM. From there he joined one of the most successful groups in company history, The Thrillogy, where he won the Twenty-Four Seven Championship from former World Champion Crystal. He then went on to defeat Crystal again at World Without End in October of Two-Thousand Four, this time to lift his first World Championship. After a hiatus due to injury, he came back stronger than ever, going on an amazing run where he defeated some of the biggest stars in our sport. His most recent success came last fourth of July, where he won the first prestigious BattleBowl, and therefore a shot at his second World Championship. Tonight is that title shot. Tonight, he believes, is his destiny. He is the master of one of the most feared, devastating finishing moves today, the Future Shock. He also has mastered the Rock Bottom, and the Ankle Lock submission. Ladies and Gentlemen, from Minneapolis, Minnesota.... HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!![/i] “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHH!!!!!” Hoff raises an arm to the crowd, who respond with a loud reaction, as Buffer continues. BUFFER [i]Not to be outdone, Hoff’s opponent tonight. Standing six feet three inches tall, and weighing in a short time ago at a career high two hundred fifty-nine pounds. Known for Aggressiveness, Assertiveness and Application. Arriving in the US as a seventeen year-old rookie out of Australia, he began his career in Detroit, before debuting in this company in July of Two-Thousand Three. Becoming the first man to ever gain a pinfall victory over Brock Ausstin, his career went from strength to strength, as he defeated The Mad Cappa to lift the Revolution Trophy. In February of the following year he won his first title, the Twenty-Four Seven Championship, but his biggest glory would come in December of Two-Thousand Four, where against all odds, he defeated and retired one of the greatest wrestlers in this company’s history, Ragdoll, lifting the HI-YAH Championship for the second time in the process. This man then went on to outlast fourteen other superstars to win the Lethal Rumble in January of this year, and capped off his ascendancy by capturing the World Championship in the Main Event of AngleMania Four. He is the master of two of the most dangerous high impact moves in company history, the Axel Slam, and Dark Royalty. Originally from Hobart, Tasmania, Australia, and now residing in San Jose, California, he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING Two-Time! One and Only AngleSault Thread Professional Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the Americas, Europe, Asia, and most importantly Australia… THIS. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXEEEEEELLLLLLL!!!![/i] “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHH!” COLE My god, you wanna take a breath there Michael? COACH He’ll need a good drink of water after that marathon guys. After the introductions, Axel removes his title belt from his waist, taking perhaps one final look at it before handing it to the referee, who promptly raises it high in the air, before giving it to Michael Buffer, who takes it to the timekeeper’s position. COLE Well, we are all set. Both men are ready, and the bell is about to be rung in the Main Event for AngleSlam Two-Thousand Five! *DING DING DING* COACH We are underway! Both Axel and Hoff loosen themselves up for the start of the match, before coming to the centre of the ring, face to face. They exchange words, back off, and come together in a collar-and-elbow tie-up! Hoff has the leverage advantage though, pushing Axel into the corner, where the referee calls for a clean break. He gets it, and both men come back to the centre of the ring, where they lock up again. Axel quickly goes to the side headlock this time, Hoff tries to push the champion off, but Axel slides down to one knee and keeps the headlock on. Hoff gets to his feet and tries to push Axel off a second time, and he is successful, as Axel flies into the ropes. The champion comes off, and the two men meet, shoulder colliding with shoulder, with neither man giving an inch! COLE Both men went for a shoulder tackle on that exchange, but they are both too powerful for the other. This has started off very clean guys, and I hope it stays that way. Another lockup and this time it's Hoff who applies the side headlock, with Axel struggling to get out of the hold. Instead of trying to push Hoff to the ropes, Axel tries another method, using raw power to pick the challenger off of the ground and dump him back-first onto the canvas. But Hoff is relentless, keeping the side headlock in tact on the ground. Hoff rolls onto his stomach, putting the top of Axel’s head on the canvas so the blood rushes to his brain. The champion fights to his feet and tries to push Hoff to the ropes, but that doesn’t work, so he has no choice but to back into the ropes, and get the break. COACH Some very good technical wrestling shown by these two guys in the early going. A feeling out process if you will. CABOOSE I want to see the old Axel tonight, The Dark One, the man who used to bust guys open and not care. The man who retired Ragdoll! COLE Well there are no guarantees Caboose, so far this has been a very clean bout, and I for one hope that continues. Both men back off, and begin to circle the ring. Another tie-up, Axel goes behind the challenger with a rear waist lock. Hoff reverses, but Axel reverses the reversal, before taking Hoff down face first to the canvas, floating over and applying a front face lock to the challenger. COLE Nice counter into the front face lock by Axel, I’m interested as to how Hoff is going to get out of this hold, if he will need the ropes like Axel just did. Hoff tries to get to the ropes straight away, but Axel somehow rolls the both of them away from the ropes, keeping the front face lock in tact. Hoff struggles to his feet, having the burden of Axel’s weight as well, but still not being able to get out of the face lock! COACH Axel has that locked in tight, Hoff needs to counter. Hoff grabs the waist of Axel, and with all his strength, lifts the champion over his head into a Northern Lights Suplex! After the show of strength, Hoff cannot complete the suplex with a bridge, instead electing to take a short breather, as Axel does the same. CABOOSE I don’t like him, but that was a nice counter. Hard to pick a winner early, but I’m still going with Axel. COACH Only because you hate Hoff. CABOOSE That’s true, but Axel has impressed me. The crowd gives both men a nice ovation for a good display of technical wrestling to start off the match. They lockup for the umpteenth time, with Axel getting a side headlock. Hoff turns this into a hammerlock, and Axel reverses quickly. Hoff grabs Axel around the head and whips him over for a snapmare, but Axel uses his momentum to take the challenger over too, and into a pinning predicament! ONE! But Hoff rolls out, and both men are up. Hoff trips Axel and gets a lateral press, but the referee can’t get down to the mat in time to even make a one count, as Axel rolls out. Both men pop to their feet, facing each other in a fighting stance, and pause, eyeing each other as the Chicago faithful give another round of applause. COLE Well so far, this has been a very different match than I think we expected. Both champion and challenger take a step back, looking one another over as they circle. A brief pause, and they come together once again! Axel lunges for the challenger, but Hoff smoothly ducks underneath Axel's grasp and grabs him from behind. Axel reverses the rear waistlock, and Hoff kicks his legs up, rolling forward and trapping the champion in a modified victory roll! ONE! Axel quickly claps his legs together, hitting Hoff in the temples. The big man breaks the hold and Axel rolls onto his feet, while Hoff rolls backwards and gets up as well! Axel charges at Hoff, throwing a nasty clothesline, but Hoff ducks under and shoves Axel into the turnbuckles! Hoff kicks Axel in the midsection, then grabs him by the wrist and fires him across the ring! Axel puts on the brakes in the far corner, and turns to meet Hoff with another clothesline, but Hoff ducks it AGAIN and stops cold in the corner! Axel turns, and eats a big dropkick from Hoff that sends him down! The fans give a cheer as Hoff rolls up to his feet, and Axel slaps the mat in frustration! COACH You know, it's odd. Hoff is the larger of these two athletes, but I think he might just be a little quicker! COLE Hoff is a trememndous athlete, no doubt about it, and to take nothing away from Axel, who looks to be in the best shape of his life. CABOOSE Absolutely, both of these guys have been at the top of their games lately, and as much as it pains me to say it, they've gotten it done in that ring. Axel climbs to his feet, and Hoff waves him on. With a snarl, Axel darts in, and Hoff dashes backwards as the champion makes a grab for Hoff's left leg. Axel comes up to his full height, and grabs Hoff, trapping him in a side headlock. The big man hits the ropes, trying to push Axel off of him, but the champ holds onto the move, dragging Hoff down to the canvas. Hoff kicks his feet on the mat, then waves referee Robinson off as he checks on the big man's condition. COLE These two have put on a mat wrestling show so far, and they've shown a lot of tenacity doing it, not wanting to give an inch. Hoff tries to pry Axel's hands from his head, but Axel does it for him, letting go and rolling backwards, grabbing Hoff's left leg and holding it in place. Hoff tries to push up with his hands and get away, but Axel stops that with a forearm to the knee of the challenger! Hoff groans in pain, and Axel seizes the opportunity, climbing to his feet while holding Hoff's leg, and jumping up and driving a knee to the back of Hoff's thigh! COLE We all know about Hoff's knee injury not so many months ago, the one that cost him the World Title. CABOOSE Axel knows that, and focusing on that knee might bring up some anger in the challenger. Hoff uses his good leg to hop up off the mat, with Axel still hanging onto his left. Hoff leaps and tries a mule kick, but Axel wisely lets go of Hoff and the big man falls to the mat. Axel lays in a few stomps to the knee of Hoff, drawing a few scattered boos from the crowd. CABOOSE If the crowd is booing, Axel must be doing something right. COACH Axel's looking to bring back some memories on that left leg, playas. Axel reaches down and grabs that left leg by the ankle, hoisting it high into the air, and smashing the knee into the canvas! Hoff howls in pain, clutching his knee as Axel walks around him. Axel flips Hoff over, and goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! NO!! Hoff kicks out. CABOOSE Axel scoring our first near fall of the night, making Hoff expend energy while he's trying to recover. Axel gets to his feet, and lays in a boot to Hoff's chest before stalking in a circle around him. Axel comes to a stop at Hoff's feet, picking the left leg up again and kicking the side of the knee joint. Axel lets the limb fall as Hoff cries out in anguish. The champion picks Hoff up, with a cocky swagger, and grabs his left leg from a vertical base, spinning him down to the mat with a dragon screw legwhip! The fans pop for the maneuver as Hoff clutches at his knee! COLE What a move by the champion! Hoff is in a bad way! Axel gets up with a satisfied grin. He again pulls Hoff up by the hair, and grabs the leg--but Hoff surprisres the champion with an ENZIGURI!! Axel falls to the mat as Hoff crawls away! COACH DAYUM~! We haven't seen that move out of Hoff for a while! Hoff crawls to the corner as the fans cheer, but Axel gets to his feet and stalks Hoff, grabbing him from behind by the left leg! Axel pulls Hoff back, the big man hopping on one foot...but Hoff quickly does a somersault and comes up behnd Axel...and SLAPS ON THE ANKLELOCK!! The crowd goes BANANA!!!!!! COLE Anklelock applied, from out of NOWHERE!! Hoff has the hold on for only a second, though, as Axel rolls onto his back and kicks Hoff away. Hoff rolls up to his feet, hobbling, and Axel chagres forward, diving low and SPEARING the knee of Hoff!! Hoff flies into the air from the impact, doing a 360 and landing on his stomach!! COACH WHOA-HO!! That was SICK! COLE Good lord, Axel with a vicious chop block to Hoff's knee, that could have blown out the joint entirely! CABOOSE It's mean and it's vicious. I love it. Axel pops to his feet, the crowd still buzzing over the huge move. Hoff lies in a heap, cradling his left leg, and Axel swaggers around the ring, mimicing pulling two straps down from his chest. COLE Oh, good lord! Axel-- is he gonna do what I think he's gonna do? The fans cheer as Axel grabs Hoff's leg.....and APPLIES THE ANKLELOCK!!! CABOOSE YES! COLE Axel with Hoff's own Anklelock on him! This could be the end! Axel torques Hoff's leg as the crowd at the Horizon comes to life, some pulling for Hoff to tap, some looking for the challenger to break free. Hoff's back arches as he SCREAMS in pain, and Axel twists on the limb! COLE Hoff has GOT to break free here! Hoff pushes himself off the mat, but Axel twists and brings him right back down! Robinson checks for a submissin, but Hoff is up again, and this time he rolls through the hold and sends Axel flying into the ropes!! The crowd cheers the break as Hoff tries to crawl away, but the champion wastes no time in stomping him in the back! Hoff stays on the mat, and Axel immediately grabs the left leg.....hooking Hoff in the AXEL GRINDER!!!! CABOOSE And now this! I love it! COLE Axel hasn't used this hold in ages, but he's pulling out all the stops here tonight!! Robinson checks on Hoff, but the big man shakes him off and crawls toward the ropes! Axel tries to pull him back, but Hoff uses his arms to inch closer to the bottom strand!! COACH This is the big muscles of Hoff doin' their magic, those big old arms, keeping him in this thing! Hoff tries to grab the bottom rope....but Axel stands a bit and pulls him away!! Axel lets out a battle cry as he pulls back on Hoff's leg, and Hoff raises his arm into the air!! CABOOSE THIS IS IT! Axel retains! Robinson dives down to get in position...but Hoff shakes his head and lowers his hand! Using his massive arms, the challenger pulls himself...closer...closer...and grabs the bottom rope! COLE And Hoff gets to the ropes!! The fans cheer as Robinson starts his five count, and the champion breaks at four!! Axel argues with Robinson, buying Hoff a little time to climb to his feet! Axel shoves Robinson aside and grabs Hoff, throwing him into the corner and firing off a HUGE right hand! Hoff's head snaps back from the impact, and Axel meets him with another big blow! Hoff reels, and Axel fires a third right hand, punishing Hoff! Hoff slumps into the corner, and Axel pulls him up, drilling him with a MASSIVE uppercut blow!! COACH Axel unloading on Hoff in there! Axel grabs Hoff and whips him out of the corner, but Hoff's knee gives on him and he collapsesin the center of the ring! Axel laughs, and the fans get on him a bit as he kicks Hoff onto his back! COLE Now come on! CABOOSE Axel has this think won, and he knows it. Axel places a boot on Hoff's chest, and Robinson makes the count! ONE! TWO! THR-NO!! Hoff reaches up and grabs Axel's boot, tripping the champion and sending him down! Hoff climbs to his knees and APPLIES THE ANKLELOCK!!! COLE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE ANKLELOCK AGAIN!! The fans go NUT as Hoff locks in the hold! Axel, caught by surprise, looks around wide-eyed, finally finding the ropes! He climgs to them as Robinson starts his five count, and Hoff breaks early, waving Axel on! The champion's nostrils flare as he charges at Hoff, but Hoff grabs him and hits a belly-to-belly throw out of NOWHERE!! COLE Hoff showing some signs of life yet! Both men are slow to get up, and it's Axel up first, but Hoff meets him with a kick to the ribs! Hoff grabs him in a front face lock and scores a neckbreaker!! Hoff floats into the cover! ONE!! TWO!! KICKOUT!! Axel throws a shoulder up!! Hoff is slow to rise, and Axel beats him to his feet as he holds his neck. The champion clubs Hoff in the back, then pulls him up the rest of the way and sends him into the strands! Hoff comes flying off the ropes and FLOORS Axel with a diving clothesline! Both men are down....and HOFF KIPS UP!!! The crowd ROARS in approval!! CABOOSE HOW?! Where is he getting this energy? Hoff pumps his fist as he fires up, shaking out his left leg. Axel gets up, and Hoff blasts him with a forearm shot that backs him into the ropes! Hoff sends Axel off the far side, but the champion comes back off with a Harlem sidekick!! Hoff crashes to the mat as Axel looks down in anger! COLE And a big-time move from the OAOAST Champion sends Hoff down, and that may have killed the momentum Hoff was building! CABOOSE Sometimes all it takes is one move to swing the tide of a match! Axel grabs Hoff by the hair, looking down at him, and SLAPS the challenger! The fans jeer as Hoff falls to the mat yet again! COLE Now what is that about? CABOOSE Axel is just letting out his frustration, as well as maybe sending a message to Hoff: "I am better than you." Axel, again swaggering confidently, picks Hoff up by the hair. He hooks the big man in a front face lock and throws Hoff's arm around his neck. Axel lifts Hoff...and drops him in a BRAINBUSTER!!! COACH BRAIN-BUSTAH-OOOOOO DAN-GER-OSOOOOOOOOO!!! COLE And Hoff is in trouble here! Axel sits up, grinning, then finds his feet and looks out over the crowd. The champion smiles as he slashes his arms, signaling for the end!! The fans are none too pleased with the champion as he...heads to the top? COLE Axel going high-risk here! He could be looking for that Frog Splash! CABOOSE Whatever he's doing, it'll be curtains for the pretender to the throne! Axel steadies himself on the top rope, then looks out over the crowd. The champion shouts out to the people... AXEL "Anything he can do, I CAN DO BETTER!" And while the fans jeer, Axel leaps and scores with a BEAUTIFUL elbow!! Hoff convulses, and Axel leaves his arm draped over Hoff while Robinson counts! ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!! Hoff gets a shoulder up! The fans EXPLODE!! COLE And Axel's gane of one-upsmanship fails! CABOOSE Bugger that, Michael, Axel is this close to winning. All he needs is one more big move to put Hoff away. Axel looks up at Robinson, who shrugs. The champion scowls as he gets to his feet, pulling Hoff up by the hair. Axel flexes his bicep, then grabs Hoff by the arm and yanks him in for the SHORT-ARM...but Hoff ducks and goes behind Axel! GERMAN SUPLEX by Hoff! The bridge!! ONE!! TWO!! NO!!! Axel gets his shoulder off the mat!! Both men come up, and Hoff charges, but Axel floors him with a LARIATOOOOOO!!!!!! COLE Hoff turned INSIDE OUT! DAYUM!! COACH I hear that, playa. The fans actually pop for the high-impact move, and Axel gets to his feet smiling. Axel grans Hoff, pulling him halfway up, then looking out at the crowd again. AXEL "THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE!" Axel grabs Hoff's arm and whips him into the ropes, and catches him with the SPINEBUST--NO!! Hoff drops an elbow on the head of Axel, and Axel sets the challenger back down!! Hoff quickly hooks Axel in a front face lock, lifting him for a vertical suplex...but Axel lands on his feet! From behind, Axel lifts Hoff into a reverse fireman's carry-- COLE OH NO!! The fans SPRING to their feet, buzzing as Axel has Hoff on his shoulders!! Flashbulbs explode acorss the arena as Axel throws Hoff up.....flips him over.....and DRILLS HIM WITH THE AXEL SLAM!!!!!!!!! COLE AXEL SLAM!! AXEL GOT IT ALL!! The fans ROAR as Hoff lies motionless on the mat!! Axel sits up, an elated, almost surprised grin on his face!! CABOOSE COVER HIM, CHAMP!! Axel rolls Hoff onto his back, throwing an arm over Hoff's chest as Robinson makes the count! The fans count along at the top of their lungs! ONE!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!! [b]NO!!![/b] Hoff THROWS a shoulder in the air as Robinson's hand comes down! COLE I can't believe it! Hoff kicked out of the Axel Slam!! CABOOSE No, this can't be happening, this can't be happening! The fans EXPLODE. Axel climbs up to his knees, looking at Robinson with a strained expression on his face. The ref looks sympathetic as he holds two fingers up, simulating popping his shoulder into the air. Axel closes his eyes, looking up at the ceiling as Hoff rolls onto his stomach. COACH Amazing. Simply amazing! Hoff got his shoulder off the mat at the last possible second! I thought Axel had him. COLE After some amazing back-and-forth, this match has been almost all Axel. And yet, even as Axel hit his trademark maneuver, Hoff may have turned the tide. Axel gets to his feet, resting in the corner as Hoff clutches his neck. The champion glares at Hoff, frustrated as he contemplates his next move. CABOOSE TURNED THE TIDE?! Hoff is OUT, Cole! He can barely move! All Axel has to do is hit one more big move and this one is over. COLE But how much resolve does Hoff have, Caboose? How much can he kick out of? He may not be finished yet! Hoff climbs to his hands and knees, crawling to the nearby corner. From the other side of the ring, Axel snarls as he approaches the big man. COLE Axel making his move, looking to put the challenger away! Hoff grabs the bottom ropes as Axel looks down with disdain...and the champion rolls out of the ring! Hoff's head is hanging down, and the big man doesn't see Axel make his move! COACH Wait, what is Axel up to? COLE The World Champ heading to the outside... Axel looks at Hoff from the outside....then grabs the big man by the hair! The fans jeer as Axel pulls Hoff's head under the bottom rope, then rears back and THROWS it into the steel ring post! *CLANG* COLE OH MY!! COACH Axel getting BRUTAL!! The Rosemont crowd gets on the champion, booing as Hoff's temple collides with the steel. The big man slumps forward, his body falling halfway out of the ring. Axel grabs him by his dark locks and drags him the rest of the way out, letting him fall to the floor. Axel lays in a couple hard stomps to the big man's back as the fans jeer. COLE These fans have been back-and-forth all night, but I don't think they're taking kindly to Axel's tactics! CABOOSE Bugger that, Michael. I don't like this move by Axel; I think he was just one move away from retaining his title. COACH I think a lot of it is frustration on the part of the champ, not being able to get the job done with the Axel Slam, well, now he wants to lay in a little extra punishment! Referee Robinson slides out of the ring and tries to reason with Axel, but the vicious champion throws him away, sending him onto his back! The fans boo, but Axel tunes them out, turning back to Hoff and stomping away! COLE Tensions have been running high for months between these two men, former good friends, turned bitter rivals over the OAOAST Title. The richest prize in this industry, and only one man can walk away with it! Axel picks Hoff up by the tights and the hair, and runs him like a battering ram into the ringsteps!! Hoff crashes again into the steel, sprawling end over end as the steps go flying. Axel looks out at the fans, who are really pouring it on. The champion waves them off, stalking over to Hoff as Robinson gets back into the ring and begins his ten-count. COLE Charles Robinson trying to maintain order in the only way he can anymore, by trying to get these men back into the ring! Axel picks Hoff up yet again, holding the groggy challenger up by the hair. COLE Look at Hoff! The big man is practically out on his feet!! The fans boo as Axel rears back and NAILS Hoff with a stiff uppercut! Hoff falls in a heap, and Axel looks down at his prey with a sick grin! CABOOSE Ah, I love this, guys, this is classic Axel. Vintage Axel! The true Dark One, none of this "buddy-buddy" crap. Axel is out for blood. Robinson's count reaches eight, and the World Champ has the presence of mind to roll into the ring, breaking the count. Axel rolls back out and grabs Hoff by the hair, throwing him yet again into the ringpost! Hoff bounces back as the steel clang reverberates through the Horizon. COLE Good lord! Hoff lands on the announce table, slumped over the top. Axel stalks his foe, grabbing him from behind and yanking him up by the hair! Axel rears back, and drives his fist into Hoff's forehead with a sharp knuckle blow!! Hoff grabs his face as his own momentum spins him around, and Axel grabs him from behind, driving his face into the table! COACH The action getting up close and personal! COLE Hoff is lying on our table, and he is in trouble. Axel grabs Hoff, pulling his head up, revealing more than a trickle of blood. Hoff's eyes look glazed over as Axel throws him onto the table, causing Triple C to vacate the sofa! COLE Oh, good lord! Axel has thrown a-- a bloody Hoff onto our table! CABOOSE I don't know what Axel is planning here, but I like it. COLE Hoff has been busted open here, and Axel...Axel is looking to finish the job. Axel once again rolls into the ring, breaking the referee's count, then rolls back to the floor and climbs onto the table. The champion pulls Hoff to his feet, then spins him around, hooking him face-first from behind!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wait a minute!! Axel is-- CABOOSE He's going to hit Hoff with his own damn move! I LOVE IT!! COLE Well these two have been trying to one-up the other for months now, and I'd say this'll do just that! The fans are IRATE, booing Axel out of the building as he smiles a sadistic grin! Axel grabs Hoff by the tights and hoists him, lifting him HIGH into the air!! Axel holds Hoff overhead...but the big man shifts his weight!! Kicking his legs, Hoff manages to flip out of the move and land behind Axel!! COLE Hoff breaking free of the hold! The crowd goes wild as Hoff lands on one knee! Axel turns to face Hoff, and the big man pops up and grabs Axel by the neck....driving him THROUGH the table with a ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!! COACH OH MY GOOD LORD!!! The crowd blows the roof off of the Horizon as Hoff sends Axel through the table! Hoff's blood splatters onto his opponent as the two men land, Hoff rolling onto his back. CABOOSE I can't believe this. COLE Hoff somehow, someway, countered his own Future Shock into the Rock Bottom, and this may be the last opening Hoff will have tonight!! The "HOFF" chants thunder throughout the arena as both men lie on the arena floor. Surprisingly, Axel is the first man to stir, climbing to his knees as the crowd drowns him in a sea of unkind sentiment. CABOOSE And that says it all. How bad does Hoff have to be hurt for Axel to beat him to his feet? COLE He is bruised, and bloody, but not beaten! Not yet! Axel holds his back, walking gingerly as Hoff rolls onto his stomach and pushes himself onto all fours. The blood drips down from Hoff's face to the floor as the challenger tries to get his second wind. Axel stalks toward Hoff, pulling him up by the hair--but Hoff snaps off a HUGE right hand!! The crowd comes ALIVE as Hoff fires off another right hand to Axel's temple! Another! ANOTHER!! COLE And now Hoff is feeling that second wind!! CABOOSE This can't be HAPPENING....! Hoff snaps off one more HUGE right hand, sending the champion reeling! Hoff grabs Axel by the hair and SLAMS his head into the ring apron, sending Axel's skull bouncing back! Hoff grabs the champion by the back of the hair and throwd him back into the ring, rolling in after him and climbing to his feet!! Hoff ROARS to the crowd, waving Axel to his feet!! CABOOSE WHERE is he getting this energy from? COLE It's heart, Caboose, all heart, the heart of a champion!! Axel gets to his feet, turns to face Hoff, and gets met by a HUGE right hand! Hoff backs Axel into the ropes and whips him into the far side! The champion comes off the strands, and Hoff throws a clothesline, but Axel ducks and keeps running! Hoff turns to meet him, and the big man catches Axel with a HUGE powerslam!! Hoff pops to his knees, then falls backwards, rolling over to the ropes and using the cables to pull himself up to his feet!! Hoff waves Axel up as the crowd goes WILD!! COLE This is AMAZING!! Hoff has shifted into high gear from out of NOWHERE!! Axel gets up as the crowd cheers, and Hoff charges at him, flooring him with a BIG clothesline to a monstrous ovation! Axel gets back up, and Hoff charges and sends him right back down! Axel, slowly, gets back to his feet, and Hoff runs him over one more time!! "HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF! HOFF!" Hoff looks down at Axel...and slashes his arms to an electric pop!! The crowd stays on its feet as Hoff grabs Axel by the hair, pulling him up! Hoff whips Axel into the ropes, and sets for the SPINEBUSTER~! Axel comes off the far side....and puts on the brakes, kicking Hoff in the face!! COACH Whoa!! Hoff snaps up, and Axel takes a step back, then leaps forward with a Harlem sidekick...but Hoff ducks under the move!! Both men pivot to face each other...and Hoff grabs Axel and PLANTS him with a SPINE-BUSTAH!!!!!!!!!! COLE SPINEBUSTER BY THE CHALLENGER!! CABOOSE Oh my God, oh my God, this isn't happening!! COLE And now Hoff is ready to put it all away!!! Hoff, his face washed in red, looks out at the crowd...holding his thumb out to the side! Hoff turns it up....and then turns it DOWN!! The fans go WILD!! COACH FUTURE SHOCK!!! COLE The Future Shock! If Hoff hits this move, we will have a new champion in a matter of moments!! CABOOSE Oh, come on, Axel! For the good of the company, don't let this happen!! Hoff grabs Axel by the hair, pulling the OAOAST Champion to his feet! The big man looks down into Axel's eyes, then grabs him from behind! Hoff grabs Axel by the tights and lifts him into the air, holding him....holding him....HOLDING HIM.... And DROPS him with the FUTURE SHOCK!!!!! COLE HE GOT IT!! HE GOT IT ALL!!! Hoff rolls onto Axel and hooks a leg, and Robinson makes the count!! ONE!!!!!!! TWO!!! [b]NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/b] Axel KICKS OUT!!! Axel KICKS OUT of the Future Shock!! COLE Oh...my...God. COACH He kicked out!! HE KICKED OUT!!!! COLE Axel has kicked out of Hoff's Future Shock. I can't believe it! No one...NO ONE has.... The Rosemont Horizon deflates, the crowd in stunned silence as Axel kicks out. Hoff rolls off of Axel, lying on his stomach, exhausted. Axel lies motionless in the center of the ring. CABOOSE YES!! Oh, thank the moon and the stars. Cole, do you realize what we've just seen? No one has EVER kicked out of that Future Shock...EVER!! Until tonight. COLE I cannot believe it. I thought that Hoff had made good on his word. That he was destined to take the title home... CABOOSE Yeah, well, that ain't happening, loser! And I mean, I've said it before, and I've said it again, I'm no Axel fan, but anything, anything is better than having the title on that blowhard. Robinson foregoes his ten count as both champion and challenger begin to find their bearing, crawling to opposite corners. COLE This is surreal. These guys have kicked out of each other's signature moves, and now it is anyone's game, and we have no idea what to expect. CABOOSE Expect a successful defense by the champion! Hoff is going home empty handed! Hoff and Axel both pull themselves up in their respective corners, and turn to face each other! The two men stare each other down, neither one moving....until suddenly charging forward and meeting in the center of the ring! Right hand by Axel! Right hand by Hoff! BIG right by the champion! HUGE blow landed by Hoff! Axel! Hoff! Axel! Hoff! COLE Neither man is willing to give an inch! We could be here all night! COACH Or we might be seconds away from a finish! Right by Hoff! Another! ANOTHER! AN-NO! Axel drives a knee into Hoff's midsection! Hoff doubles over, and Axel steps behind him and scoops him onto his shoulders!! COLE AXEL SLAM!! Axel stands upright and lets out a primal scream as he throws Hoff into the air for the Axel Slam--and Hoff lands on his feet!! Axel throws a lariat, Hoff ducks, and hooks him from behind!! COLE AND COACH FUTURE SHOCK!! The crowd is beside itself as Hoff hoists Axel up overhead...but Axel flips over and lands on his feet! Hoff turns, and Axel grabs him and scoops him onto his shoulder, setting him in a tombstone position!! COLE GOOD LORD! Axel has Hoff set for Dark Royalty!!!! No one has EVER kicked out of this! CABOOSE Five minutes ago, we could have said the same thing about Hoff's Future Shock!! COLE We are about to see the end!!! Axel sets Hoff on his shoulder.......but Hoff kicks his legs and slides off of Axel's shoulder....landing with his arm around Axel's neck!!!!! COLE LOOK AT THIS!!!! The crowd hits a new level as Hoff grabs Axel, lifting him up....and DRIVING him to the mat with the FUTURE SHOCK!!! COACH HE GOT HIM AGAIN!! COLE The SECOND Future Shock!! Will it be enough!! CABOOSE NO!! Hoff, slowly, painfully, swings his legs free, rolls onto Axel, and hooks the champion's leg!! ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!! THREE!!!!!! *ding ding ding ding ding* COLE HE DID IT!! The roar of the crowd drowns out the opening strains of "Black" as Buffer reads the decision. BUFFER The winner of this contest.... CABOOSE No. BUFFER And NEW One and Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD.... "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER HOOOOOOOOOOOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoff rolls off of Axel, and Robinson helps him to his feet. As the fans scream their lungs out, Robinson raises Hoff's arm into the air, and the bloody big man ROARS, pumping his fist in celebration. COLE What an amazing ending. I can barely believe it, but Hoff has done it! CABOOSE I think I'm going to be sick. As Hoff's theme music blares, the cheers swell even louder as Robinson grabs the OAOAST Championship from the timekeeper. Robinson hands it to Hoff -- the same belt ripped from him ten months ago. And once more, tears stream down Hoff's face. COLE And there you see it, folks. Literally, the blood, sweat, and tears of Hoff running onto the gold plate of the World Heavyweight Championship. And to Hoff, and to his many fans, tonight, a wrong has been righted. Hoff presses his forehead to the belt, kissing it, before hoisting it high overhead to a massive ovation. Hoff climbs up the nearest corner, holding the belt into the air as flashbulbs fire off across the arena. COLE And take nothing away from Axel, he was stellar tonight. He was as good as anyone could expect to be, but tonight was Hoff's night. COACH He said it earlier, Cole. It was his destiny. As Hoff celebrates his win, Axel finally regains his footing. Exhausted, Axel stares at Hoff, holding the belt that was Axel's only a moment ago. COLE And what does Axel have to be feeling, after a great run on top, to see this man, his good friend, his bitter rival, holding the championship of the world? CABOOSE I can tell you, fellas....it's not a good feeling. Hoff climbs down from the ropes and turns....finding Axel staring right at him. "Black" cuts out as Axel stares at the bloody title belt on Hoff's shoulder. COLE Oh my, what is gonna happen here. The fans buzz as Hoff looks down at the title...then back at Axel...who extends his hand. Hoff accepts. CABOOSE I don't believe it. The crowd at the Rosemont Horizon explodes as Hoff and Axel shake hands, and Axel goes a step further, raising Hoff's arm into the air. Hoff smiles a tight smile as Axel nods, then lets go of Hoff's hand, making his way out of the ring. "Black" kicks in again as Hoff looks down at his friend and rival with a grin. COLE And the respect between these two men is obvious. Hoff and Axel, the culmination of one hell of a rivalry. One we will never forget. Axel takes one last look at the ring, and the man inside, before stepping behind the curtain. In the ring, Hoff climbs up the corner once more, holding his belt on his shoulder, raising his fist into the air. COLE And there you have it, folks. Tonight, on a wild, memorable night, Hoff has regained the World Title. We have a new Heavyweight Champion of the World. Folks, the Hoff era has begun. For Caboose and the Coach, I'm Michael Cole, thanking you for joining us tonight for OAOAST Angleslam. Good night! [b]FADE TO BLACK[/b]

And then there was one.... PRL: once again, duly noted.

It's all subjective, man. I'm a complete Michaels mark, but even I'll admit the guy has flaws, as far as it pertains to the ring...but, he also does what he does well, with the bumping, the quick comebacks, the fast offense...I dig it a lot and so do many, and a lot of people don't. But to say that a main eventer should or shouldn't work a certain way seems closed-minded to me. The only requisite for being the top guy is connecting to the fans, and hopefully the company can make money off of that. I don't know a lot about the business end of things, but all the guys mentioned here -- HBK, Bret, Benoit, Hogan -- they all get a big reaction from the crowd, and they have for years. Remember, a huge part of the WWE's audience is kids, who are almost universally marks, and they don't care too much about psychology, or politics. I grew up on Bret, Owen, and Shawn, and I loved them then because they had a cool look, did cool moves, and were fast and brought the action. For kids, I think those are the main points. Case in point, see John Cena. Not a great "worker" (in my book), not great with the psychology, but he has a great look that plays to kids and teens today, he has cool signature moves, and he can talk. That's why he's over as balls, and that's why they want to build around him.

Duly noted. By the way, PR, that request of yours shouldn't be a problem.

We're about ten hours out, and here's what I'm waiting on: - P & Synth vs. the NNMX - Rodez vs. Wright - CWM vs. Brannigan - Zack vs. Drek So here's my question, to those of you who got your stuff in: let's say none of those four matches gets to me by tonight. Would you like the show to go up as is, and be edited later, or should we wait until it's complete? Let me know your thoughts.

From the Control Center at OAOAST.com: - We have just learned that Chris Stevens has arrived at the Rosemont Horizon and will be at AngleSlam! Stevens has requested interview time, and he will get it! What will the CSI leader have to say? Find out...tonight!

OAOAST X-Division Championship Peter Knight (Champion) vs. Crystal (Challenger) - Who's hotter than PK right now? The champ to retain. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez vs. Ayane Mitsui - Lindsay needs to get a win to not look like a chump. Punkmaster P & Synth vs. The New New Midnight Express (with Jim Cornette) - NNMX Grudge Match "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez vs. Christian Wright - Leon OAOAST 24/7 Championship "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican (Champion with Stephen Joseph Popick) vs. Otaku II (Challenger with "The Sheriff" Tony Capella) - PRL The Original Elite Explodes! CWM vs. Tony Brannigan - I...don't know! I guess....Tony? Maybe? Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell Match for the OAOAST Heartland Championship Alfdogg (Champion) vs. Cuban Wall (Challenger) vs. Mike Guerriero (Challenger) vs. Thunderkid (Challenger) vs. Reject (Challenger) vs. JINGUS (Challenger) - Alf First Time Ever! Zack Malibu vs. "Reckless" Drek Stone - Drek Stone Stephen Joseph Popick and "Iceheart" Dan Black vs. The Global Party Exchange - the kids, y0 "The Parka Returns!" Street Fight The Parka vs. Vitamin X - Parka, although either way I'm very interested in this one.

Send it to me, until/unless you hear otherwise.

At this juncture, it's worth noting I can't post the show this week, as I see that hasn't yet been addressed. So....you're on your own. Also, this ain't much from a #1 contender this close to the second-biggest show of the year, but don't expect much from me. I'm beyond busy.

The show is up. So here's what happened. As most of you know, I recently moved. As such we had Comcast out to set up the cable and 'net in the new place. Well, they did that....but they forgot to switch the billing over. So, as nobody was paying for this apartment's internet access, they shut it off....and as fate would have it, it was yesterday afternoon. And, since the bill is in my roommate's name, I couldn't do anything until this morning, as he works until midnight, and I had to be up at 8 AM, so I couldn't wait. So he called today and got it all square. Got all that? Anyway, my apologies.

COLE Ladies and Gentlemen, the GPX have been running wild in the OAOAST of late. With that in mind, new OAOAST DA Calvin Szechstein has made a match between them and two OAOAST Originals here tonight. COACH Now, we don't know who they are. Logically, one would guess at Black T. I wonder what the score between those team is, anyway. CABOOSE Go look it up, fact boy. BUFFER The following contest is a tag team match set for one fall. Introducing first... Cue: Well, you know. Here comes the GPX. BUFFER From HOTlanta Georgia, $cotty $tatic and Johnny "Jax" Jackson, the GEEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEX! GPX look extremely cocky as they walk to the ring, as well they might with their recent successful exploits. "It doesnt matter which old losers they send out", Scotty tells the cameraman at ringside before they jump into the ring. BUFFER And their opponents... Cue: "Quiet" BUFFER First, from London, England, weighing 235lbs, the Ice Heart DAAAAAAAAAN BLLLLLLLLACK! Dan walks down to the ring quickly and without so much as a glance at anything except the GPX, who laugh openly at him. COLE Well, Dan Black certainly wants at GPX even more than he usually does. I mean, he and Tony Brannigan have been at war with these guys for well over a year now, but somehow things have gotten even more heated of late. COACH Let's see who Calvin selected as his partner. Cue: "Getting Away With Murder" The crowd is SHOCKED, and then POPS as Zack Malibu comes running out! Buffer doesnt even get chance to announce him as Zack and Black dive into the ring, driving GPX out to the floor! COLE Oh my gosh! Dan and Zack teaming together?! Well, we saw it before in their Original Elite days, but after everything they went through since, how can they possibly get on the same page? CABOOSE Well, they're going to have to. I guess Calvin decided both of these guys deserved to get at GPX. Black and Malibu look at each other without a word, but at least don't start throwing punches, which is about the best we can expect from them right now. Instead, Dan steps to the apron, signalling to referee Clem Buzzlefoxer, the 82 year old with the eyes of a hawk, that Zack will start for the Black/Zack connection. GPX bounce back into the ring. Scotty Static to begin for their team. Scotty gets in Zacks face, reminding him about the beatdown he suffered at Licence To Pin. Malibu takes it all in quietly, and then SLAPS Static hard across the face, the blow echoing through the arena! Static snaps his head back and lays into Zack with a couple of closed fists, but Zack ducks the third and floors Scotty with a big lariat. In rushes Johnny J, but Zack just backdrops him high into the air, narrowly avoiding Scotty. Both GPX scramble up and rush Zack, who rolls under their double clothesline and comes up next to Dan Black, who has entered the ring. GPX turn - right into twin clotheslines from Black/Zack. Ref Clem's protestations are already in vain as Dan picks up Jackson and throws him out to the floor. Black follows and hurls Johnny casually into the ringsteps, before wiping his boots on Jacksons chest and heading back to his teams corner. COLE Dan and Zack working ok together so far! CABOOSE They're both tremendous wrestlers who love to wrestle, and also, in their different ways, love the OAOAST. If they can agree on nothing else, it should be that. Zack brings Scotty up and whips him off the ropes, connecting with a knee lift that has Static staggering, followed by a swinging neckbreaker that has Static kicking at the mat in pain. Malibu drags Static over to his teams corner and tags Dan in, a hard blow to the shoulder. Black looks momentarily annoyed at the sharpness of the tag, but recovers to take over on Scotty, nailing him with a couple of European uppercuts and then applying a front face lock to deliver a spine crushing snap suplex. Black floats over into a cover, but Static throws up a shoulder at 2. Dan grabs Scotty by the hair to haul him up and then CHOPS him hard across the chest. Static battles back with his own chop, but compare to Dan's next CHOP it's a mere slap. Black whips Static off the ropes and swings and misses, and Static catches him with a leg lariat on the return. Scotty quickly tags Johnny Jax in. Jackson comes in and he and Scotty drop stereo elbows to the sternum of Black. Jax stomps Black down as he tries to roll over to tag Zack. JJ has Dan up to his feet, and Dan fires a punch, but Johnny uses a simple eye poke to keep Black subdued. Jackson gets into a side on position and lifts Black high and back, driving him to the mat with a belly to back suplex. Jax gets up and circles his rival, then moves in and pulls him to his feet, ramming a knee into his sternum. Black staggers back towards the ropes, and Jax braces him against them, then hits a couple of chops before sending Black across the ring. Black comes rebounding back towards Johnny, ducking under a lariat, and when he hits the far side, Malibu makes a blind tag. Black blocks a hiptoss, brings a knee into Johnny's gut, and hits a quick suplex, while Malibu launches himself from the apron to the top rope, entering with a huge hangtime springboard legdrop! COACH That'll put some cream in his coffee! COLE What? COACH I mean...that's how you get the stain out of a carpet! CABOOSE Coach, do you listen to yourself? You're not making any sense! COACH C'MON ZACK, WASH HIS WINDOWS! CABOOSE ...OK Cole, either you shoot him or I will. Malibu goes for a cover, but at the count of one he looks up to see Static coming in, and gets off the pinning position, thinking Static is going to make a move. The distraction was enough, as Static ducks back out to the apron, having broken up the pin attempt. Zack picks Johnny up and goes for a scoop slam, but Jax slides out behind him, grabbing Zack in a rear waistlock and hoisting him over...but Zack floats all the way over and lands on his feet! Johnny turns around, right into a ROARING ELBOW~!, but Jax ducks and uses a schoolboy! ONE! T-NO! Zack kicks out, and as the two get up Zack tries for another Roaring Elbow, but it's dodged again, and Jax hooks his waist and takes Zack over with a Northern Lights Suplex! ONE! T-NO! Zack bridges out, pushing both he and Jax up to their feet and swinging around into a standing headscissors. Malibu lifts Jax, but Johnny slides out, landing on his feet in front of Zack and hitting a quick STO, driving Zack hard into the canvas! COLE Excellent counter by Johnny Jax. This match is not going to move at a snail's pace. It's going to be high impact action at it's finest. With Zack hurting, Johnny makes a tag to Static, who hurries into the ring. Together, the GPX pick up Zack and send him chest-first into the turnbuckle, and as he staggers back Jax lifts him up, then drops him as Static hooks the neck and brings him down with a neckbreaker! Scotty goes for the pin after the double team manuever, but just as Clem's hand is about to come down for a two, Black drags Scotty off of Zack! CABOOSE Dan Black saving Zack Malibu. Now I've seen it all. Static gets up and spins Black around as he's exiting, but Black turns around and simply coldcocks Scotty! Black stalks his old rival, but the diminutive referee gets in the way of his advances, telling him to get back on the apron. Of course this leaves the door open for some GPX double teaming, as Jax slips in and snaps a recovering Zack back to the canvas with a Russian Legsweep, while Scotty ducks out to the apron and springboards in with a frog splash, bouncing off of Malibu's ribcage before rolling to his feet and posing cockily for the crowd! COLE Typical GPX bragging and...well, I guess that's not the only reason why the crowd is booing! The cameras cut away from the ring and to the aisleway, where Drek Stone is making his way down to ringside, applauding the efforts of his two accomplices. Dan Black jumps off the apron and moves like he's going to approach Stone, but Stone puts his hands up in surrender and backs away, feigning fear of the Ice Heart! CABOOSE We know why Drek Stone is out here, but whether I'm not sure it's such a good idea. He's drawn the ire of both Zack and Dan Black lately, and yet he's putting himself in their vicinity. That's a pretty dangerous action. COLE If the past is any indication, Stone's got something up his sleeve. Stone circles the ring, nodding to the GPX as he comes to their side, and then the crowd starts booing again, as Christian Wright and Beheomoth start coming down the aisle as well! COACH I got it! Drek and his guys are going to do a live action version of Party of Five? CABOOSE Hey, if you view any of them as the hot younger sister, that's YOUR deal. Black looks around, while Scotty soccer kicks Zack in the ribs in the ring. Black can sense something is going on, as Wright and Behemoth stand on his side of the ring. Black then simply rushes into the ring and lariats Scotty down, stomping him viciously and then taking him by the hair and hurling him out to the floor. Looking around him, Black can sense danger, and actually helps Malibu to his feet, as the rest of the Upstarts all get up on the apron, blocking the two veterans between the ropes. Wright is the first to make a move into the ring, and... THE SHIT HITS THE FAN~! Malibu charges, hammering him across the back with forearms, only to be pried away by Jax. Zack then turns around and blocks a punch, striking back with a right hand and then dropping Johnny with an inverted atomic drop, then a jawbreaker! Wright pulls Zack up and spins him around, trying for a DDT, but Malibu lifts him off his feet and dumps him on the apron, then backs up...AND NAILS A SCHOOL'S OUT THAT SENDS HIM FLYING DOWN INTO THE GUARDRAIL! COACH YO~! Across the ring, Black is having a time of it with the big man, until Behemoth tries for a chokeslam, only to catch a low blow for his troubles! Black then hits the BLACKOUT~! on the stunned giant, who then topples backwards, falling so that his arms get tangled up in the ropes! Black gets up, and sees Drek Stone just a few feet away, creeping up on Malibu. He's about to strike, when Zack turns around, and the two arch rivals are nose to nose! Malibu is fuming, ready to strike, as Stone backs away saying "not yet"...AND GETS SPEARED BY DAN BLACK! Black opens up on him, pounding away! Zack comes forward, looking to get himself a piece of the action, when WHAM! He's struck in the back with a chair by Scotty Static! COLE Oh no, not this now! Static brings the chair down on his back again, while Jax recovers and pries Black off Drek, holding him so that Drek can get up and deliver a hard kick to the bread basket, and then he and Johnny lift Dan Black up and drop him throat first on the top rope! Static continues pounding on Zack, until a figure races out from the locker room, simply a blur to the camera! He slides in the ring and stands over Zack, watching as Static beats him down. It's POPICK~! COLE Oh great, just great. You knew HE had to get his licks in! CABOOSE That sonofabitch. If there's anyone I hate more than life itself... Popick smiles, and Drek Stone starts laughing, very pleased with himself. Popick then asks Static for the chair, as ol' SJ raises it above his head, hovering over the body of his old foe... ...BUT HE TURNS AND CLOCKS SCOTTY STATIC~! CABOOSE WHAT THE!!??!? COLE POPICK JUST SAVED MALIBU AND BLACK! Popick starts swinging wildly, clearing the ring of everyone, while the fans go batshit! In a flash, Tony races down as well, sliding into the ring and telling Popick to calm down, for no other reason than to make sure it's not a trap or anything. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick just rescued Zack Malibu and Dan Black from the Upstart contingent! CABOOSE I can't believe...I mean...whodathunkit! Groggy, Black and Zack start making their way to their feet, as Tony Brannigan checks on both of them. Once again the original Original Elite are left in the ring, as Popick throws the chair down and backs away in a civil fashion, simply getting out of the ring and heading to the back, while Stone shouts derogatory comments at him. COLE Fans, we are out of time tonight, but...man, what a situation this is turning out to be! FADE TO BLACK

*KA-CHING!* *Come and take your Vitamin X!* “Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring Big Tymers and The Hot Boys starts playing, which causes the thousands of fans in the Georgia Dome to stand up and boo, and boo LOUD I might add. It seems like Vitamin X’s actions in the past few weeks have made him even more hated than he already was. The entrance doors slide open, and Vitamin X comes out through the smoke, doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle to his new entrance song. COLE We are about to be greeted by Vitamin X once again. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, The Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew, AND the man who beat The Parka two weeks ago at License To Pin, VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! Vitamin X plays to the crowd, and then walks down the ramp, bobbing his head to his entrance song. X is wearing a black dress shirt, a black sports jacket, black dress pants, sunglasses, a $500 Rolex watch, and black dress shoes. He is also once again carrying one of the hubcaps from the El Camino, something he proudly shows off to the crowd with a smirk on his face. COLE Vitamin X is still carrying around that hubcap from the El Camino! I wonder if X paid Buffer to include that part about beating Parka in his introduction. COACH Check out his new entrance music! The Big Tymers are phat, yo! Holla~! CABOOSE I like it too. Not just because I like the song, but because it’s another sign that Vitamin X is a singles superstar. He has his own entrance music now, to show he isn’t PRL’s lackey! And the song pretty much tells you Vitamin X’s personality in a nutshell: he’s all about the bling-bling! Vitamin X enters the ring, and hops onto a turnbuckle, raising the hubcap over his head. The crowd boos. Vitamin X taunts the fans, and then gets on another turnbuckle, and raises the hubcap over his head again. The crowd boos, but X laughs it off. Vitamin X gets off the turnbuckle, and does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle again. He then places the hubcap in between two turnbuckle pads, and grabs a microphone. COLE This has been one wild HeldDOWN~! We are just 3 weeks away from AngleSlam, and you have to wonder, will Vitamin X be competing at our biggest event of the summer? CABOOSE Of course he will. I’ll tell you who won’t be competing. The Parka! Why? Because he is now retired, thanks to The X-Man! COLE Did Vitamin X pay you to say that line? CABOOSE No. Nobody controls my mind. Vitamin X stands in the middle of the ring with a mic in his hand. He takes off his sunglasses, and looks at the crowd. “Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring Big Tymers and The Hot Boys dies down. The crowd boos loudly, probably the loudest they’ve ever booed X. Vitamin X just looks at the crowd with a smile on his face. VITAMIN X You know, last week I realized something: My life can be made into a movie! That’s right. I have led such an interesting life, that it can be made into an Oscar winning film. It’s the typical rags to riches story. I started my life in the ghettos of Havana, Cuba, which was ruled by the evil Fidel Castro. My parents took me and we escaped that harsh communist country on a tiny rowboat. We settled in Miami, Florida, where I developed a love for wrestling…and money. I was a Straight-A student throughout middle school, high school, and college. And, since I am so intelligent, I became an expert when it came to financial affairs, so much so, that I make more money in a day then all of you in the arena make in a year! (Crowd boos.) VITAMIN X And you can end the film with what happened at License To Pin 2005. After being considered a nobody for YEARS, I finally showed the world that I am something special, by destroying a legend. And that legend…was The Parka! (Crowd BOOS even louder for that remark.) CABOOSE He’s right. His life can be made into a movie. His life is like a beautiful story. It’s right up there with Rocky, The Mighty Ducks, and Miracle as one of the greatest underdog stories of all-time. VX And now that I have retired The Parka, I have to move on to other matters. Namely, AngleSlam. You see Tha Puerto Rican will be defending his 24/7 Title at AngleSlam against Otaku II. And Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez will take on Ayane Mitsui at AngleSlam, well, unless Ayane is too chickened to accept. And I’m sure my boy Popick will be competing at AngleSlam too. That means every LC member who counts will have a match at AngleSlam. Except the X-Man. Once again, The X-Man has been left behind. Once again, I don’t get what I deserve. I’m the man who retired The Parka damnit! What more do I have to do to get a match at AngleSlam? WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO?! CABOOSE Vitamin X is being HeldDOWN~! VX (CONT’D) But I won’t be left off AngleSlam for long! Come Hell or high water, I will be on AngleSlam wrestling! AngleSlam is one of the OAOAST’s “Elite Four” huh? Well, AngleSlam 2005 will get a dose of Vitamin X! CABOOSE Here! Here! The man retired The Parka, and has a marketable catchphrase. He’s certainly a singles superstar in my eyes! The crowd chants “ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!” Vitamin X smirks at the crowd, trying to not let the fans at the Georgia Dome get to him. VITAMIN X So— Suddenly, a Mexican Mariachi song starts playing. The crowd is puzzled, as is Vitamin X. COLE What the? COACH Whose song is that, Cole? COLE Certainly not anyone in the OAOAST. The entrance doors slide open, and after a few seconds, Vitamin X, Triple C, and the fans in the Georgia Dome are greeted by…the original LA PARKA! COLE It’s La Parka! He is the man who mentored The Parka! COACH You’re right. This man trained Leroy Andrew Parka. If it weren’t for him, The Parka wouldn’t have been a member of The Dream Machines, he wouldn’t have been a World Tag Team Champion, and he wouldn’t have been an OAOAST legend! The crowd gives La Parka a nice sized pop, but La Parka isn’t concentrating on the crowd. He walks to the ring, wearing his ring attire, with his eyes focused on Vitamin X. Vitamin X looks at La Parka, with the famous McMahon SNEER~! on his face. COLE La Parka is certainly a legend in his own right. COACH Absolutely Cole. He’s former 2-time WWA World Light Heavyweight Champion. A 3-time Mexican National Light Heavyweight Champion. A former AAA IWC World Champion. He’s competed in lucha libre, WCW, and TNA. He was known as the “Chairman” of WCW. He’s one of Lucha Libre’s most famous wrestlers! COLE And he’s here in the OAOAST! La Parka enters the ring, and does that dance he used to do back in WCW. That gets a pop from the WCW fans in the crowd. He grabs a microphone from Buffer, and then stares a hole at Vitamin X, who stares back. COACH La Parka is probably pissed off at X for what he did to The Parka at License To Pin. La Parka and Vitamin X have a staredown. COLE I sure hope La Parka knows what he’s getting into. Vitamin X has The Lightning Crew watching his back. They can come out at any second. CABOOSE They should just come out now then, and kick Parka’s ass. The Mexican mariachi music dies down. Vitamin X and La Parka continue their staredown. After a few seconds, La Parka speaks. LA PARKA Vitamin X. ¡Usted debe estar avergonzado de se! (You should be ashamed of yourself!) CROWD WHAT? LA PARKA What you have done these past few weeks has been despicable! Leroy is a great man. An honest, caring person, who is one of the nicest people I have ever met. And yet, you treat him like dirt. You mock him because of his current condition. You brag about retiring him. Usted cagó en lo que él ha hecho en el OAOAST. (You shit on what he has done in the OAOAST.) Vitamin X laughs at this. LA PARKA (CONT’D) But Leroy has something you’ll never have. ¡Corazón! (Heart!) Valor! (Courage!) And most of all…talent! The crowd “Oooohs!” at that remark. COACH Oh no he didn’t! Vitamin X didn’t like hearing that. LA PARKA You say you want to be a legend? You say you want to be known as a singles superstar? Sure, you could be these things, but you will never, NEVER be considered as big of a legend as The Parka! You will never be considered as big as a superstar as The Parka! You will never be in his league! Esta gente le mirará siempre la manera que ella ahora lo hace. (These people will always look at you the way they do now.) In the eyes of these fans, you will always be known as Tha Puerto Rican’s lackey! ¡Y siempre le considerarán el lackey de PRL no importa qué usted lo hace! (And you will always be known as PRL’s lackey no matter what you do!) Vitamin X is now fuming. The crowd is surprised at La Parka’s comments. COLE Vitamin X is not pleased with those comments. CABOOSE How dare La Parka say these things? He’s half the man X is! Vitamin X soaks in La Parka’s comments for a few seconds. He then speaks. VITAMIN X Wow. Wow. Just wow. La Parka. That was pretty mean. I mean you really ripped into me. But you know, you talk the talk, but ¡usted no puede caminar la caminata! (you can’t walk the walk!) You talk big, but you know in your heart that you aren’t as talented as me! You aren’t going to be known around the world like I will be! Little kids will want to grow up to be like Vitamin X, not like La Parka! I am The X-Man! I am VITAMIN X! THE MAN WHO RETIRED THE PARKA! My name is now etched in the annals of time because I did what no one else could! Because of me, Leroy Andrew Parka will never step foot in an OAOAST ring EVER AGAIN! AND NEITHER YOU, NOR ANY OF THESE FANS CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! CABOOSE Damn right! You tell it like it is, X-Man! Vitamin X suddenly gets an idea. A sinister grin appears on his face. VITAMIN X But I got some good news for you, La Parka. Since I am the Legend Killer, and since I killed the legend of The Parka, I need to focus on another target. COLE Uh-oh. VITAMIN X And since you are a legend yourself, maybe, it's time for La Parka...to come and take his Vitamin X! COLE Oh no! COACH I knew this wasn’t going to end good for La Parka! Vitamin X and La Parka stare at each other. Then, for some reason, VX backs off. VITAMIN X Nah. I’ve changed my mind. You’re not that much of a legend anyway. COLE Oh thank God. Thank God Vitamin X has developed a heart all of a sudden. CABOOSE Oh BOO! Vitamin X slowly exits the ring. But then, he changes his mind. *POW!* VITAMIN X ATTACKS LA PARKA FROM BEHIND! COLE Vitamin X with a sneak attack on La Parka! COACH X is trying to end La Parka’s career the way he ended The Parka’s! Vitamin X kicks La Parka while he’s on the mat! X chokes Parka with his sports jacket. The crowd boos loudly. CABOOSE Ha! HA! Just like at License To Pin! COLE Vitamin X wants to retire The Parka’s mentor! The crowd chants “PARK-KA! PARK-KA! PARK-KA! PARK-KA!” Vitamin X grabs La Parka. The Overdose! VX continues beating on La Parka some more. COACH I wish The Parka were here to stop this! CABOOSE Well he’s gone from the OAOAST forever! COLE I wish that wasn’t true! Vitamin X picks La Parka up, and kicks him in the midsection. X springboards off the second rope, and gives La Parka a DDT. The X Spot! COLE And now Vitamin X gives La Parka the X Spot! Vitamin X gets up, and blows a kiss to the crowd. He then laughs at the fallen La Parka, while the crowd showers X with LOUD boos! “ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!” Vitamin X grabs La Parka by his head…and starts ripping his mask off! COLE Now, Vitamin X is trying to unmask La Parka, as a sign of disrespect! COACH That mask reminds him of The Parka, so he’s trying to do it what he did to that La Parka mask last week! Vitamin X has ripped only a little bit of the mask. The Mexican luchador still fights to keep it on. CABOOSE Come on rip the mask off! I want to see La Parka’s ugly mug! The crowd continues to shower Vitamin X with boos. Vitamin X has ripped the mask a little bit more. *CALIFORNIA LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE!!!* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Vitamin X stops trying to rip La Parka’s mask, and turns his attention to the entrance. Vitamin X is SHOCKED as “California Love” by Dr. Dre and 2Pac starts playing! COLE It can’t be! It just can’t be! COACH I thought he was retired! The entrance doors slide open and out steps…THE PARKA! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! COLE The Parka is here! The Parka has returned! CABOOSE He’s retired! He shouldn’t be here! He ruined Vitamin X’s moment! Vitamin X stands in the ring, speechless. He mutters, “I retired you.” over and over again. Leroy Andrew Parka stands on the entrance stage, in ANGER~! With a microphone in his hands. The crowd is still going bananas! PARKA Vitamin X!!! La Parka told me to stay in the back, but I'm not about to stand by and watch you disgrace a man that has accomplished more in his career than you ever will! You stand out here and say that you've retired me, but last time I checked I'm not sitting in a rocking chair or playing shuffleboard with some old farts! The doctors say that I'm not ready to come back and maybe they're right, but you can be damn sure I'm not going to sit around and listen to you run your mouth any longer! The fans chant "Parka, Parka, Parka," as he continues to talk. In the ring Vitamin X looks furious. COLE Don't tell me that Parka is planning on wrestling again. PARKA I admit that you got the better of me at License to Pin. I am man enough to admit that I flat out lost that match, but in no way have you ended my career. In fact I feel that I have quite a few matches left in me. It also just so happens that the second biggest PPV of the year, behind AngleMania, is coming up and I hear that you want a match. Well you've just gotten your wish. I just got out of a meeting with Watts and, after basically signing a few documents that keeps the OAOAST from being held responsible should I break my back, I convinced him to sign a match! YEAHHHHHHH Vitamin X looks worried in the ring. PARKA That's right. At AngleSlam it will be you versus me...in a Street Fight!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH COLE Oh my God he's lost his mind! PARKA I wouldn't have this match any other way. Watts and the doctors both tried to convince me otherwise, but I assured them that between now and AngleSlam I would work my hardest to get into ring shape. Then, come AngleSlam, if you truly are the "Legend Killer" (said with quoting hand gesture) then you'll have your chance to end my career. VITAMIN X Well you better get plenty of rest my friend because I want you at 100%! We will not be having this discussion again! At AngleSlam I will properly end your career and we can finally be rid of you! PARKA We'll see...oh and by the way...turn around. Vitamin X looks puzzled as he slowly turns...right into a kick in the gut from La Parka!!! YEAHHHHHHHHH La Parka scoops Vitamin X up and slams him near the corner before climbing up and landing a Sky Twister Press onto Vitamin X. COLE Wow!! COACH La Parka just opened a can on Vitamin X! CABOOSE That was a pathetic sneak attack! COLE Much like Vitamin X just did to La Parka a few minutes ago! La Parka exits the ring and joins The Parka on stage for celebration. The fans are on their feet as "California Love" strikes back up and the two men on stage dance their way to the back as we fade out. COLE Parka...Vitamin X...Street Fight at AngleSlam!!!!! We cut to a shot of the General Manager's Office Door, which opens, revealing the General Manager Calvin Szechstein, as well as the OAOAST Champion, Axel! CALVIN You've got some interesting ideas champ. I'm sure we will speak again before AngleSlam. AXEL Well it seems like you've changed a whole lot from the last time we were both in this company, so I'm glad its sorted out. So, how about the idea for AngleSlam? CALVIN I'll make some phonecalls, I think it should be fine. AXEL And the other ideas? CALVIN I'll have the paperwork written up and sent to you by Monday morning. You can contact the parties involved, and take it from there. Needless to say, if it works out, it'll be a hell of an impact in this company! AXEL You're damn right. Oh, and thanks for the week off last week. I appreciate it. CALVIN No problem. After a 4 way? I know what those are like, you need a rest. AXEL Thanks Cal. We'll meet again. CALVIN Sure. Goodbye. Calvin shuts the door, and Axel begins to walk away, but stops, his face turning from a relaxed, happy one, to a more serious look. AXEL Bout time you decided to find me. The camera pans around to see... The Number One Contendor, HOFF! The fans go crazeeee~! HOFF Bout time you showed up. AXEL So what? You're going to spit out another catchphrase Rocky lite? Add a few more H's onto your name so you've got a better chance of beating me at AngleSlam? HOFF Cute. You wanna let the world in on what you were planning with our new, esteemed GM just now? AXEL Not yet. Now isn't the time. Next week I'll make the AngleSlam announcement. Needless to say, you're gonna wish you thought of it. HOFF I'm sure. Oh, did you watch the replay of License to Pin? Good show. AXEL Yeah, I did. Saw a guy do a great Future Shock... HOFF ..and a guy do a great Axel Slam. Saw that same guy beat Brock Ausstin too... AXEL ...something I did two years ago, before you set your grubby little feet into this company, you over-hyped asshole. HOFF I wouldn't push it, champ. AXEL Was that supposed to be sarcastic? Please, don't even try me. Fact of the matter is, you beat Brock at License to Pin. I beat Brock two years ago. At License to Pin, my match dwarfed yours. You beat one guy, I beat three. You almost lost to CWM one on one, I beat him and two other guys at the same time. Looks like I'm one up. HOFF Won't matter at AngleSlam. AXEL Oh really? Maybe you're feeling a little unconfident, how about you try and soften me up right now? The two men step closer, face to face, nose to nose. HOFF You're the one doing all the talking, how about you try and back it up. *Both men breathing heavier* AXEL Are you inviting me to hit you? You want to be flat on your back? HOFF No, but I hear that's where you were earlier this year. Lets just say, Crystal was the man. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Axel steps back, as if he's absorbing the harsh comment by Axel.. and charges at Hoff! ...but Security are right there to get in the way! AXEL YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOFF YOU WANT A FIGHT ABOUT IT? HUH? COME ON THEN PUSSY! AXEL MOTHER FUCKER, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH! HOFF SHOW ME THEN ASSHOLE! HUH? COME ON! Security, led by Carl Winslow, detain both men and make sure they are separated. Both men try and get at the other, but with four men detaining each, they can't. COLE Tensions have EXPLODED between Axel and Hoff! They're trying to outdo each other before AngleSlam! We'll be back...with our MAIN EVENT!! *COMMERCIAL BREAK*

Cut backstage, inside the dressing room of THE SK8TER BOIZ. The Marv and Hell Mel are dressed in street clothes, the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles around their slender waists. Jesse Ventura stands with mic in hand. VENTURA Jesse "The Body" backstage with yet another exclusive interview. And it's my honor to welcome back to the OAOAST the World Tag Team Champions, The Sk8ter Boiz! Guys, I guess congratulations are in order for your winning the European Tag Cup during your extensive tour of Europe and the Far East. Welcome back to the OAOAST. THE MARV I tell you, Jesse, it's great to be back in the OAOAST and on North American soil. You should've seen some of the food they eat over their. HELL MEL You should've seen the German team we beat in the Conference Finals in the E.T.C. -- I swear they were women on steroids. THE MARV And Mel loved every minute being in the ring with them. HELL MEL Nuh-uh. THE MARV Uh-huh. HELL MEL Nuh-uh. THE MARV Uh-huh. HELL MEL Nuh-uh. THE MARV Nuh-uh. HELL MEL Uh-huh. THE MARV Fine. You're right. HELL MEL That's right. VENTURA After finding out Hell Mel likes juiced up German women... HELL MEL Nuh-uh! Hey, you tricked me, Marv. I'm gonna tell mom. THE MARV Like always, eh? HELL MEL Shut up! THE MARV Make me. The Boiz start push each other. Jesse steps in and breaks it up. VENTURA Do this on your own time. I got questions to ask. Let's talk a bit more about the European Tag Cup. I know everyone here in the OAOAST is proud their representives were successful. But I gotta tell it like it is -- you may have won the European Tag Cup, but you didn't beat Black T, who just so happen to be next in line for your World Tag Team Titles. THE MARV We may never be able to say we're proud to be American, because we're Canadian, but we are proud to be OAOAST through and through. If there's one thing winning the belts taught us, it's believing in ourselves. HELL MEL Yeah. Now we believe we'll eventually lose our virginities. THE MARV If Black T wants some, all they gotta do is step up to center ice and put 'em... VENTURA Whoa! THE MARV (CONT'D) (looking up) ...up. A row of LOCKERS fall down on the Boiz, Jesse just narrowly getting out of the way. The cameraman takes a plunge himself. With the camera shooting from its side, all we see are two pairs of feet putting the boots to the Boiz trapped underneath the lockers. The cameraman gets back on his feet, grabs the camera and takes a split-second to focus in on... ...TONY BRANNIGAN & CWM attacking the World Tag Team Champions! Tony and CWM remove the belts from around the Boiz' waist and drive them into their heads. OAOAST personnel surround the area, getting two members of what we believed to be the now-defunct Original Elite away from the Boiz. VENTURA CWM, Tony -- I'm confused. I thought you guys hated each other? TONY Let me give you the 411, Jesse. The most elite force in professional wrestling is whole again. The Original Elite are back on the same page. You see, I've had a week to reflect on where things were going. And I came to the conclusion that my mind had become consumed with greed, my heart powered by darkness. Instead of looking at the bigger picture, I kept staring at myself in the mirror. I lost my edge. But that man...(pointing to CWM)...gave me a lesson in tough love. Quite frankly, you don't need Stephen A. Smith to tell you the OAOAST could use a lesson in tough love. CWM saw it before ALL of us did. As a former member of the aWo, CWM knows a little something about hostile takeovers. He saw all the signs. He warned us. A warning which went unheard. While we were all fighting for personal wealth, he spoke and warn of a powerful force coming full steam ahead. That force was Drek Stone and the GPX. We've seen the damage they've done in recent weeks. Now it's time to begin fighting fire with fire. And the best way to do that is by insuring each and every OAOAST championship keeps from falling into the wrong hands. Last week it was announced the Elite had signed for a World Tag Team Title match. Many speculated whether our shot was in jeopardy due to in-fighting. Let me answer that question by announcing not only is the Elite a unit once again, but CWM and I are personally going to take back the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. It's vital to the future of the OAOAST that all the titles stay out of the hands of Mr. Stone and the GPX. What better two men for the mission than two former World Champions and two men who have seen this company built from the ground up. CWM Do you believe one can regain the soul long since believed gone? The OAOAST has lost its soul. Corrupt Administration after corrupt Administration. A once innovative company and its work force became complacent. They lived by the motto -- "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil." Now that evil is lurking and the very existence of the OAOAST is threatened, more and more are beginning to realize the challenge ahead. Like a newborn child, our eyes have opened and we see the light. Those who follow the path of Drek Stone and the GPX are promised great rewards when in actuality they are being lead toward their demise and into a pool of their own blood. CWM sees the officials pulling the Boiz out from under the lockers. He makes his way through the officials, pushing many of them aside and POLLYCUTTER'S Marv on top of the locker! Officials grab CWM, leaving Tony all alone. He knees Hell Mel in the gut and throws him inside a locker, slamming the door shut! TONY You're going back to school next week. Heh. CWM and Tony are ecsorted out. VENTURA (sinister chuckle) I think we're gonna have new tag champs next week. Back to you. Heh Heh Heh. COLE Up next for you tonight is a match for the X-Division championship. Let’s go over to Josh Matthews who is with the champion, Peter Knight. We cut backstage where Matthews and Knight stand in front of a HeldDOWN backdrop. J-MATH Thanks guys. PK, you asked to wrestle this week even though your knee has been put through a lot of punishment over the past month, especially in the Ultimate X match. How is it feeling tonight? KNIGHT I haven’t wrestled since License to Pin, which is about two weeks; that’s enough rest for me. I’ve done what they’ve said and kept off of it as much as I can so it feels just fine. Sitting on my ass in the back doesn’t get me anywhere. I’m focused only on tonight, and defending my title against Crystal. J-MATH Let’s talk about Crystal. Do you have any reservations at all wrestling a woman? KNIGHT Crystal isn’t “just a woman”; she’s a former OAOAST Heavyweight champion. We entered this place around the same time, but she’s held what I’ve been wanting for almost three years, so no, I don’t have any problems taking her down and keeping this where it belongs. (He walks off.) J-MATH Let’s go to the ring. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Lllladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for the OAOAST X-Division Championship! “YEAHHHHHHHHHH!” CUE: Plug In Baby by Muse “BOOOOOOOOOO!” The Georgia Dome echoes with negativity as a blue hue covers the arena. I've exposed your lies Baby The underneath's no big surprise Now it's time for changing And cleansing everything to forget your love BOOOOOM! An explosion of pyro signals the entrance of Crystal, flanked as always by the big man, Gunner Sharps. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger; from Coquitlam, British Colombia, Canada, weighing in at one hundred and fifty pounds, she is the Female Phenom…..Crrrrrrystallllllll!!! COACH It’s been a while, but it’s time to bring an old saying back. MAH BABY GURRRRL~! COLE Wait, so you’re back on the bandwagon? COACH ….I was off of it? Crystal sneers at the crowd as she reaches the ringside area, Gunner hopping onto the apron and holding the ropes open for his associate. She hits the turnbuckles and looks upon the crowd with contempt. CUE: Oh Hell Yeah “YEAHHHHHHHH!” The blue strobes signal the entrance of the X-Champion, who sports a visible limp as he walks out onto the stage, X-Title belt strapped around his waist. BUFFER And her opponent; from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds, he is the reigning X-Division Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLD….Peterrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiight!!! Crystal and Gunner whisper at each other, Crysal tapping her left knee as Knight uses the ring steps to get to the apron as the house lights come back up, a slight grimace visible on his face as he steps with the left leg. CABOOSE Crystal’s smart; she knows Knight’s hobbling and will use that to her advantage. COLE But Crystal hasn’t wrestled in almost two months, so she might have some ring rust on her, which Knight should use to his advantage. Knight hands his belt over to the referee, who shows it to Crystal before holding it up for the Georgia Dome crowd. Gunner offers a few last words of encouragement before taking his place at ringside. Knight, well used to dealing with big guys trying to interfere in his matches, tells the referee to keep a close eye on him. *DING DING* COACH Knight outweighs her by over 100 pounds, so Crystal knows going toe-to-toe with him would be bad strategy, so look for her to use her quickness to avoid him and get her shots in when she can. Knight gets into a fighting position and waves Crystal on, but she hesitates, holding up her index finger and doing some stretches. The ref demands she fight, but she instead she stalls some more by doing some jumping jacks. COLE Come on! COACH Hey, like you said, she’s rusty so she needs more time to warm up here. You mean to tell me you don’t like seeing Crystal do jumping jacks? Crystal nods that she is ready to go and the referee demands they fight, but when Knight goes for her, she slides under the bottom rope to the floor. “BOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Knight starts to step to the outside, but is restrained by the referee. Crystal demands he be kept back so she can have a powwow with Gunner. They huddle and as the camera tries to eavesdrop, Gunner holds his hand over the lens. The referee starts his count, and Crystal finally slides back into the ring at 8. Crystal, suddenly full of confidence, waves Knight on. They lock up, and Crystal grabs a side headlock, beaming with pride, but that quickly fades as Knight shoves her off into the ropes and nails her on the rebound with a back elbow. Crystal retreats to the corner, holding her mouth. Gunner comes over and whispers something else into her ear. COLE Get him down from there, referee! CABOOSE Why don’t you go pull him down yourself? Gunner hops down and the two lock up again. Crystal grabs an armbar, but Knight counters it and sends Crystal off the ropes again, dropping down and catching her off the rebound, taking her over with a powerslam. He covers. 1…… 2…… But Crystal kicks out. Knight drags her back up and backs her into the corner. *SLAP* “WHOOOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOOOO!” *SLAP* “WHOOOOOOO!” The sound of the chops reverberates through the arena as Crystal grabs her chest, gasping for air as Knight readies her for another whip. He goes for a clothesline, but Crystal ducks it and springboards off the opposite strands, looking for a crossbody, but Knight hangs on to her, pitching her backwards to the mat with a fall away slam, the momentum sending Crystal rolling to the floor once again. CABOOSE I think Calvin should have given her that extra time off. Knight is kept from going after her once again as the referee begins his count. Crystal looks towards the entranceway and back to Knight, dismissing him with a wave and making her way to the back. “BOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE She’s quitting? What the hell has happened to Crystal tonight? COACH She probably burst a seam in her attire. Of course, I’d like to burst….. CABOOSE All right. The referee leaves the ring to demand she continue, leaving Knight alone. As they argue, Gunner slowly slides into the ring behind Knight. COLE Hey, look out! Gunner charges at him, but PK sees him out of the corner of his eye and meets him with a right hand, delivering a few more to send him reeling into the ropes, but a kick to the knee by Gunner stops Knight cold. Crystal, still arguing with the referee, makes sure his back is completely to the ring as Gunner works him over in the corner. He whips Knight into the opposite buckles and charges in for a clothesline, but PK avoids it, sending Gunner crashing into the turnbuckles. Knight grabs a front facelock and…… *BAM* one suplex *BAM* two suplexes Knight picks him up and holds him there; though not very long because of the strain it puts on his knee. *WHAM* a falcon arrow, completing the Knight Roll. Crystal, getting very concerned, finally heads back to the ring as Knight hoists Gunner onto his shoulders for the Knightmare. She slides into the ring out of Knight’s sight and delivers a low dropkick to his knee, causing him to drop Gunner and crumple to the mat. Gunner gets to his feet and joins Crystal in stomping him as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING DING DING* BUFFER Llladies and gentlemen, the winner by Disqualification, Peter Knight! Crystal and Gunner don’t care about the decision as they continue to stomp Knight’s head and knee. Crystal stands over Knight’s legs and pulls them back, crossing them and locking in the Crystalling as Gunner continues to stomp away. The referee gets involved, but Gunner shoves him out of the ring. COLE Come on, someone stop this! More officials storm the ring and manage to persuade Crystal to release the hold. She and Gunner are backed out of the ring by the officials as they look upon the damage they did, Knight grabbing his knee in serious pain. The two nod at each other and step out to the floor, watching the Angletron as they walk up the ramp. COLE I can't believe this! Crystal doing a number on PK here! COACH I wish she'd do a number on me! CABOOSE Yeah, I wish she'd injure you too. COACH Hey! COLE More after this! Main evet yet to come! Stay with us!

A door opens in the back, and out steps Jay Richards...followed by the new HeldDown GM, Calvin Szechstein. "YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!" JAY So you get what I'm saying though, right? I mean, everyone has a #1 foam finger, but for me it's true, you get it? Calvin rolls his eyes a little bit as the two men shake hands. CALVIN Right, I got it. Listen, good talking, Jay. I think Josie was wrong about you. JAY You're damn right she was. CALVIN Heh. Oh, and Jay....give some though to what I told you, huh? Calvin raises an eyebrow as Jay nods. JAY ....Right. I'll think it over. Hey, take it easy, boss. Jay walks off as Calvin nods....and turns....to face AXEL. AXEL Calvin. Calvin nods. CALVIN Champ. I've been waiting for you. Calvin and Axel step into the GM's office, and the door closes.... *cut to the ring!* DING DING DING~! COLE It's what we've been waiting for! CABOOSE Two women naked? Frolicing! COLE NO! Stephen Joseph takes on a COW! CABOOSE Gimme a C! Gimme an O Gimme a W! COACH C! O! W! CABOOSE KICK HIS ASS COW! Cue: "I'm a Cow" COLE And here comes the COW~! with Farmer Bill COACH I heard the Cow was two guys in a COW SUIT! CABOOSE OAOAST, ridiculous gimmicks, never! I mean, c'mon NAZ MISTRY was totally REAL! CUE: WAIT, NOTHING PLAYS!!! Stephen Joseph walks out Sans Music, but with a MicroPhone Stephen Joseph When I came back from the OAOAST, I asked to be placed in a midcard feud. You'd think, someone of my stature, who was SCREWED out of being World Champion by Zack Malibu, you remember him purposefully disqualifying himself right? I do. You'd think SOMEONE would step up. No One did. They'd forgotten about me. Well, contrary to the ASShats like Superstar, Caboose, and whoever the FUCK this guy named Frigid had to say, I'm still around. I've been around since the OAOAST started. And they had the GALL to parody me? What sick shit was that. Well, let's just say I haven't forgotten who was around in those days, and that score will be settled. But as for this? Getting a DAMN COW to wrestle. Man FUCK THAT. ::In the Ring:: So, I figured since we're in the home of We Can't Wrestle at all and done went Belly Up wrestling promotions, I'd give a former wrestler from those guys a chance. I told him there was this FAT COW giving me problems, and well, ladies a gentleman, the one, the ONLY~!!! FAT COW THRILLA, MIIIIIKKEEE AWWWWEEESOMEEE!!! YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Awesome runs down to the ring with LOVE in his eyes. The Cow looks over at Farmer Jim, and splits in two! Two guys pile out of the cow suit! COACH It WAS two guys in a COWSUIT CABOOSE Okay. THIS is WrestleCrap. COLE Still not as bad as Shockmaster. In the ring, Mike Awesome lumbers in, but the two guys in the COW SUIT have rolled out of the ring, very audibly saying "We ain't getting raped by no Redneck." Awesome looks dejected, and Stephen Joseph can't help but laught. Stephen Joseph Now, maybe we can all turn our attention more serious matters. And to EVERYONE, Fuck Me? Fuck YOU! COLE Good lord! What a night it has been! And we have MORE to come! HeldDown rolls on, after this!!

The cameras cut to the back, where Josh Matthews is standing by with CSI member Jay Richards. MATTHEWS Jay. Richards smiles, a wide, toothy grin, and the fans pop just a little bit for the rookie before booing their hearts out. MATTHEWS For the past two weeks, CSI has been silent. After Chris Stevens superkicked Brock Ausstin in the face at License to Pin, costing Brock his match with Hoff, we haven't heard from either man, nor from you or your compatriot, Jumbo. Can you shed a little light on the situation? Jay rubs his hands together, looking excited. JAY First of all, please welcome Jay Cool to the building! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" JAY Ha ha, yeah. Anyway, listen up. So everybody wants to know what's the deal with CSI. Well let me tell you something, Josh. I...have NO IDEA what the deal is! I mean, no one calls me, no one drops me a line, Jumbo even missed our Street Fighter tournament this weekend. And I woulda ROCKED HIS WORLD! But, seriously. CSI has been through worse, and I promise you, when Chris gets back, when Brock comes around, we will be on top. MATTHEWS But what about-- JAY Listen, Matthews. Tonight isn't about CSI. I mean, CSI is great, but tonight is all about one man: ME! Jay Cool in the house, the man who lit the world on fire in the Ultimate X match, the hottest rookie sensation in wrestling history! Jay's remarks get a very mixed reaction from the crowd. MATTHEWS Okay....but, Jay, you don't have a match tonight! I mean, why are you here? JAY OH! Right...check this out! The camera pans down as Jay reaches into a bag at his feet and pulls out....the JAY RICHARDS FOAM FINGER~! The fans pop as Jay slips the crude piece of foam rubber over his hand. JAY Hell yeah! Check it out, Matthews! It's called marketing. I've got a meeting with our new general manager, and tonight I'm gonna get these babies on market. Speaking of which, I gotta jet. I'll put one on hold for you, Matthews. Jay walks off, leaving Matthews alone. MATTHEWS Guys, back to you. *The Wall hits and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring.* COLE And here comes Alf down to the ring, we're about to find out the fate of the Heartland title for AngleSlam! ALF That's right, A-Town, it's time for my major announcement. The hype has been building for a week, after I...well, announced this announcement last week after HeldDOWN. And Atlanta is the lucky city. *crowd cheers* Because, you see, the Hawks might not be getting Joe Johnson... *crowd boos* ...but the city of Atlanta is getting something much better, that being the unveiling of my brand new match, which will be taking place at AngleSlam on August 28. This is so ground-breaking, it has to be seen to be believed. So I made this tape, shot on location from the site of AngleSlam. You guys in the truck, roll the footage. The tape starts playing as Alf walks through the curtains of an empty arena. ALF Well, this is it, people...you're about to feast your eyes on the battleground of the Heartland title match at AngleSlam. *Alf turns around and starts walking backward towards a massive steel structure that appears to be entirely wrapped in barbed wire.* ALF I told you people you'd have to see it to believe it, and now you see the structure, the Chamber of Hell, in which five OAOAST competitors will attempt to take my OAOAST Heartland title at AngleSlam. *Alf walks in the door at the corner of the Chamber.* ALF As you can obviously see, the walls of this chamber is comprised of approximately three miles of steel chains, which means it ain't gonna give like those crappy mesh deals. And you can also see, I've added a twist to this chamber that only I can add, as every inch of chain is wrapped in barbed-wire. *Alf walks over to the middle of the cage, where there is a cell parallel to the aisleway.* ALF Two competitors, drawn at random, will start the match in the ring. And the other four competitors will be placed in these cells, eight feet in height... *Alf walks into the cell.* ...five feet in diameter. *Suddenly the chamber starts rising into the air via a conveyer belt attaching it to the chamber. The camera zooms in on Alf from inside the ring* The cell will then be risen to the very top of this structure, the roof of which stands 24 feet from the floor. They'll be suspended at the top of the chamber until it's time for them to enter the match, which will come in five-minute intervals... *Alf looks up at the top of the cell, and finds his pair of nunchucks.* ...Hey, look what I found! *the cell lowers, and Alf twirls the nunchucks as he speaks* Each cell will contain a different weapon, so choose your cell carefully. Of course, if the choice of weapons isn't for you... *Alf lifts up the apron for the camera to reveal a mass of weaponry* ...I'm sure you can find something to your liking. I think I've pretty much covered everything there is to cover, so I'll see five of you unlucky bastards here at AngleSlam! *cut back to the ring* *the crowd cheers as Alf smiles in the ring* ALF Actually, there is one more thing we don't know about this match, and that is, of course, who my five challengers will be. But I'm not going to spoil everything tonight! You see, as is always the case with me, if you want a shot, you know where to find me. So these five guys have got to step up to the plate. But that'll start next week, because I'm taking the rest of the night off. Much like the Braves in the first round of the playoffs...I'm out! *crowd boos as Alf drops the mic and The Wall plays him out.* COLE What a big announcement from Alfdogg! That match should be amazing! Stephen Joseph (backstage, with Cuban Wall and The Puerto RICAN~!) Wall Good luck with your match. You sure you don't want... Stephen Joseph Naw, I got this one. Oh Puerto baby, I need to talk to you. Tha Puerto Rican Sup Pops? Stephen Joseph This whole Upstarts/Originals thing. It's pretty much our enemies fighting each other right? But we're screwed either way, I think. Tha Puerto Rican I don't like either of em Stephen Joseph Yeah, me too. But...an opportunity's coming up, and I'm taking it, a way of gaining you, me, and the whole Lightning Crew some leverage. I can't... publicly explain my actions, and they won't take this damn camera away... Tha Puerto Rican Stephen, you and me man, we've been thick as thieves for what, 2 years? Look, I know you have my back, the Lightning Crew's back, you got everyone that's worth their salt in the OAOAST's back. Do what you gotta do man. Stephen Joseph Thanks Puerto. I'll need your help soon, but really, your trust means a hell of alot. I gotta go BBQ a damn cow now. Josepg walks off as we go to.... *commercial*

Meanwhile... Backstage... Stephen Joseph (back turned to camera, on cellphone). Yeah. I gotcha. Totally understand. It is crazy around here, but I smell an opportunity you know? Like DJay says 'Everybody's gotta have a dream.' Sure. We'll talk later. Word to your mother. SJ turns around, facing the cameraman, who shows The Cuban Wall against the other side of the hallway. Cuban Wall Boss, he's here...with the cow. Stephen Joseph (to Wall, then to the camera) Okay. ::turns:: Hey, OAOAST people. Tonight I'm ending this little sideshow freak act. Big Poppa's got more important matters to attend to, mainly, dealing with these Upstarts and these Originals. It's about time ole SJ made a stand, took his game up another level. Since coming back to active duty, I am 2 and 0. Tonight, it'll be three times over. Who likes their burgers rare? Burgers for the fans! Cuban Wall What about Ketchup, Mustard, and all the fixins? Stephen Joseph They can get their own damn condiments. Wall and Stephen Joseph walk away, the Cameraman pans around to the other end of the hallway. Farmer Jim Don't worry there Bessie. The only grilling tonight is going to be Prime Grade Jerk-E! Haha heee ha Bessie the Cow Mooooooooooorrrrrrrrwwwwrrrr... *CUE RECAP-A-PA-LOO-ZA~!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. First, team number one. Both hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota. At a total combined weight of two hundred and ninety five pounds...VALERIE and CONSTANCE...THE MINNESOTA AAAAAAANNGGEEEELLLLLLSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Seether" by Veruca Salt hits as Valerie and Constance strut out onto the stage, smug as can be. The duo stop, raising their arms and soaking up the boos of the crowd, before they make their way down the aisle. Valerie stops midway, checking her hair is in place in the lens of a nearby camera, Constance seeing it and deciding she should do the same. COLE You saw the recap moments ago, of what led to this match tonight. These Minnesota Angels had a busy night last Thursday, not only sticking their nose in the business of Molly Matthews and Pantera Combiatenta but also insulting Jade Rodez, again with no reason or provokation. But Jade stood up to them and good for her, says I. Because these youngsters, brash as they are, are great tag team wrestlers. It takes a lot of guts for a trainee like Jade Rodez to be challenging them to a match, her first professional match no less. CABOOSE Either it's guts, or she's as dumb as her brother. COLE Well, Jade mentioned she has previous training...and, talking to Leon, it seems that's true. She took up a wrestling course in Michigan. Which, according to Leon, ended after a month and a half because 'Jade discovered yo-yos and took that up for two weeks instead'. Whether he was actually serious or not, who knows. But we're told this isn't a fad this time and Jade is serious about becoming a wrestler, she knows the basics already and has apparantly been coming along well in the past couple of months. COACH She's been training with the good folks down at the OAOAST Wrestling Academy. I hear Pantera Combiatenta has been working with her the past couple of weeks, as she has a lot of the girls in the Women's Division. But as well as that, Jade has been having 'not so secret' lessons from her brother too. So, she might surprise us tonight. The Minnesota Angels gather in the ring, currently making fun of Michael Buffer's tuxedo, Valerie holding her nose and indicating that his dress sense stinks, while Constance gives him a big thumbs down. Buffer doesn't seem to notice though, as he steps back centre ring. BUFFER And, their opponents! Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by "Silky Smooth" LEON RODEZ! From Grand Rapids, Michigan...she weighs in at "probably about 20 pounds too much". Making her OAOAST debut tonight. JAAADDEEE... RRRROOOOOODDEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" *GOOOOONG!* "GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN!" The crowd pop as "Jungle Boogie" by Kool and the Gang hits, in absence for actual theme music as Jade is still a trainee of course, playing The Rodez Family to the ring. Leon leads the way, his sister trailing behind looking mighty nervous about her big first match. And thankfully, not too drunk, thank you Molly Matthews. The Rodezes reach the ring, Jade getting a good luck pat on the back from her brother, who makes his way over to Sofa Central, whilst she begins to enter the ring. Quickly The Angels advance on her, so she backs down the steps and retreats into the aisle, not wanting to be out-numbered. CABOOSE (mumbling) Here, have this one, I'm gonna grab some tea. LEON Heh. You wacky Brit you. Hey, what's up guys! COACH HOLLA~1 COLE Leon Rodez, thanks for joining us. Tag team action here... LEON I love tag teaming. COLE ...Women's Division. LEON I love women. Jade continues to watch on from the aisleway, waiting for her partner to make herself known. The Minnesota Angels watch on intently, leaning on the ropes and trying to look relaxed... "OLE, OLEOLEOLE, OLE, OLE!" "OLE, OLEOLEOLE, OLE, OLE!" "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLEEEEEEEE!!! OLEOLEOLE, OLE, OLE!" As the crowd sing along to "Ole!" by The Bouncing Souls, Valerie and Constance begin to become even more confident in the ring. Confident to the point of laughing hysterically away to themselves and clearly not being intimidated by El Chica Genérico as she bounds through the curtains, shooting a single finger to the heavens. COACH Wait, you turned down Molly Matthews for this? LEON Hey, don't look at me Coach...Leon Rodez hasn't turned a woman down in his life. Genérico jogs down the rampway, tagging hands with the fans...and tagging hands with Jade Rodez as she reaches the bottom of the aisle. BUFFER And, her tag team partner. Hailing from Tijuana, Mexico...she weighs in at one hundred and twenty one pounds. She is the "Generic Lady Luchador"... EL CHICAAAAA... GGEEEEENNÉÉÉÉRRRIIIICCCCOOOOOOOO!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Genérico is clearly a popular choice with the fans. She also seems a popular choice with the Minnesota Angels, mockingly applauding Genérico as she is announced to the crowd. Genérico removes her spangly gold cape, throwing it behind her and giving Jade a thumbs up, returned by Jade with a smile. The duo then begin to make their way around to their corner of the ring. The Angels meanwhile huddle in their's, discussing strategy. COLE So, what do you think about these Minnesota Angels then Leon? LEON They're no Charlie's Angels. Both TV series and blockbuster movie versions. Team conference over, Constance leaves the ring and allows Valerie to start the match. Perhaps unsurprisingly, on the other side of the ring, Jade ducks out and allows Genérico to step into the ring. A mighty "OLE~!" gets a cheer from the crowd and sneers from The Angels. COLE I was thinking more advic... LEON That's not to say I'd kick them out of bed. Far from it. Not that I'd ever kick a woman anywhere, but I wouldn't ask them politely to leave my bedroom. Infact, if I were making a comeback in my previous career, then, as far as the Women's Division goes, you're probably looking at my leading ladies. I could call it "Leon and the Minnesota Ana... COLE ...ANYWAY! We're set to go here. With wrestling. LEON Oh yeah. That stuff. Good good. *DING DING DING!* Genérico and Val inch forward, circling each other for a moment before initiating a collar and elbow tie-up. With the slight weight advantage, Valerie is able to pull Genérico down into a side headlock. Genérico uses some forearms to loosen Valerie up, before backing her off the ropes and shooting her across the ring. Coming back, Val braces herself and knocks down Genérico with a shoulder block. Rapturous applause from Constance greets Valerie as she poses momentarily, before hitting the ropes. Over rolls Genérico, Valerie vaulting over the top. Genérico quickly scrambles back up, bracing herself for Valerie coming back and countering her relaxed shoulder block by taking her over, japanese armdrag style. Flustered, Valerie scrambles back up, taken over with a traditional armdrag. Valerie scrambles up again and charges. Genérico is waiting, sidestepping Valerie with a bi paso. GENÉRICO OLE~! Valerie crashes back off the ropes. Over goes Genérico with a leapfrog, turning to meet Valerie on the second rebound with a hiptoss. Valerie manages to block though, pulling Genérico's arm back into a British courting hold. With her free arm, Genérico pushes Valerie's head down and throws her legs up, wrapping them around the head of Valerie. Confused, the Angel releases the arm of Genérico and is sent tumbling to the mat with a headscissors, right into a victory roll style pinning combination... 1... 2... Kickout. Both Valerie and Genérico scramble up, with Valerie too anxious to attack and running straight into a drop toe hold. Val holds his face in pain on the mat, as Genérico vaults over her and hits the ropes in front, diving in with a basement dropkick to the face! Valerie again tends to her face, getting rolled onto her back for another pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Genérico quickly applies a side headlock as Valerie kicks out this time, trying to gain some control over her opponent. Pulling herself up, Valerie uses a tug of hair and mask to lever Genérico back into the ropes. She then pushes El Chica Genérico off, across the ring and drives a knee into the gut, Genérico sent somersaulting over the knee from the momentum and force. That allows Valerie to quickly tag in Constance, who hurries into the ring and applies a quick rear chinlock to stop Genérico from reaching her corner and tagging in Jade Rodez. COLE There's the added advantage of tag team experience. As soon as Valerie had the chance, she rushed over to tag, while Genérico seemed to take longer to realise the situation. LEON Probably because she's foreign. COLE ... Bringing Genérico up in the chinlock, Constance levers her lighter opponent easily down into a side headlock, wrenching on the move. Constance begins to turn, until her back is to the referee, allowing to to sneakily jam a closed fist into Genérico's face. Down to her knees goes Genérico, Constance briefly pleading innocence before clubbing Genérico in the spine with a forearm. And a second. Turning to Jade, Constance sneers before then hitting a third, hard forearm strike that leaves Genérico writhing. Constance then pulls Genérico up, sliding behind her opponent and executing a quick, high angle back suplex. Ending up folded on her neck and shoulders, Genérico rides the imaginary bicycle from the growing pain in her upper back, while Constance taunts Jade. Jade thinks about coming in, but for some reason stops short. Constance turns back to Genérico, throwing her back by the legs and rolling her to her feet, before whipping The Generic Lady Luchador forward into the ropes. Ducking under a back elbow, Genérico suddenly finds a burst of speed. But as she rebounds off the ropes, Constance charges right at her, catching Genérico high with a Harley Race knee to the chest! Down drops Constance, attempting a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. COLE Smart pin attempt, keeping the pressure on El Chica Genérico at all times. Bringing Genérico to her feet, Constance keeps her opponent close at hand while tagging in Valerie. The two discuss strategy as they make the switch, both grabbing an arm of Genérico and whipping her to arms length, before dragging her back spine first into the turnbuckles! Constance then leaves, as Valerie snapmares Genérico out of the corner to a seated position. Climbing to the middle rope, Valerie then drops the short distance to Genérico, driving her knee down into the Mexican's spine in simple but effective fashion! COACH These Angels seem to be working on grounding Genérico, rather than focusing on a particular area of the body. Neck, chest, back, it's all hurting now for Genérico. RODEZ To be honest, I think they're just toying with her more than anything. COLE It may be. They certainly looked very confident when Genérico came out as the partner. Jade can only watch on frustration, as Valerie pulls up the aching Genérico and scoop slams her to the canvas. A loud, Mexican groan can be heard as Genérico writhes on the canvas, while Valerie plays with her hair a little, trying to fix it up to her liking. Valerie then goes back over to Genérico, grabbing her behind the head and pulling her back up. Casual as can be, Valerie scoops up Genérico and plants her with a second scoop slam. A smile creeps over her face as she then turns to the crowd, showing off TEH GUNZ~! for all to see. RODEZ Wow, would you look at those! COLE Pretty good muscles, I'll admit. RODEZ I wasn't talking about her muscles... COLE Oh. Finishing up her flexing, Valerie helps Genérico to her feet before firing off a forearm, snapping Genérico's head back violently. Genérico stumbles back a few steps, as Valerie strides in with a second forearm. Confidently, Valeria then wastes a moment to confer with Constance, before going for another forearm. Genérico is waiting though, beating her to the strike by snapping off a quick standing dropkick! Away crashes Valerie, as Genérico lumbers back up, trying to get towards her corner. Valerie gains her bearings quickly enough to stop Genérico though, clinging onto her ankle to prevent the tag being made. Hopping on one foot, Genérico is so desperatly close, Jade reaching as far as physically possible, her small stature forcing her to climb onto the bottom rope and lean in. Valerie enventually manages pull Genérico away though, hooking her down with a clothesline on the way. COACH Aw, man, so close! Valerie quickly scrambles to her corner, tagging in Constance, who wastes no time in rushing into the ring and grabbing Genérico. Coming to her feet, Genérico wrings the arm to get behind Constance, before leapfrogging over the bemused Constance. As Genérico lands however, Constance catches her quickly, applying a waistlock. Genérico frantically reaches for the ropes close beside her, but Constance deadlifts Genérico, dragging her away from the ropes. Before then setting, arching back and sending Genérico tumbling over her head with a quick German suplex!! Genérico tumbles through, to her knees before slumping onto her back. Constance sees it, but is far too casual in crawling on her knees to make the cover... 1... 2... BROKEN UP BY JADE! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Jade scampers back to her corner, grabbing her tagrope before the referee can give her a hard time. The look of fury on Constance's face is clear though as she stands up, looking down at the motionless Genérico...before spinning on her heels and SLAPPING the taste out of Jade's mouth!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" Constance jigs away, already warning the referee that she's about to be attacked, as the inexperienced Rodez rushes into the ring to try and gain some retribution, only to be held at bay by the referee. LEON Aw yeah, you done gone done did it now! COLE Well, Jade Rodez has been fired up...and she's making a mistake here, distracting the referee...and, look at this, Valerie in as well now! The Minnesota Angels are double teaming El Chica Genérico! Indeed, both Valerie and Constance are in the ring now and putting the boots to Genérico, taking advantage of the fiesty Jade (as I'm sure many men well in the coming years, lolz0rs!) and the referee's distraction. Eventually, Jade is forced back to the apron by the referee. Valerie and Constance, veteran tag team wrestlers, are well aware and make their switch in comfortable time, complete with fake tag which the referee hears but obviously does not see. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Valerie is back in now and pulls Genérico to her feet, stepping behind The Generic Lady Luchador in back suplex position. Instead of dropping back, Val turns Genérico towards the corner and sits her on the top turnbuckle, holding Genérico up so she doesn't fall back just yet. With Genérico up top, Valerie turns her back to Genérico, holding her in hang(wo)man's neckbreaker position. Desperately Genérico fires off side elbows in an attempt to escape the move, doing so eventually and causing Valerie to stumble away. Grabbing the top rope, Genérico is able to sit up, sitting herself on the top turnbuckle. Suddenly, Valerie shakes off the cobwebs and charges with a double axehandle into the spine of Genérico to leave her winded up top again. Valerie flicks her hair from her eyes before then climbing to the middle rope, running a thumb across her throat. Again, Genérico begins to throw the right elbows, dazing Valerie...and eventually, causing her to crash back off the ropes and to the canvas! Valerie falls beside the buckles, allowing Genérico to stand on the top rope...before suddenly dropping, using the top rope to vault off with her thighs, landing on Val with a Split Legged Moonsault... 1... 2... Kickout. Damaged by the move, Genérico holds her ribs, again searching for the tag. Valerie searches for the tag too, further from her corner than Genérico's. So she changes plan, clutching Genérico by the ankle and preventing her progress. Valerie then grabs the hair too, using it to pull her up. Applying a front facelock, Valerie looks to buy herself some time before wheeling around towards her corner. Genérico grabs the legs to stop Valerie though, eventually tripping the legs from out underneath. Valerie falls flat on her back, as Genérico floats over with a jacknife pinfall... 1... 2... Valerie shows greats strength, bridging up and twisting Genérico around into a backslide... 1... 2... Genérico rolls through, coming her feet in front of Valerie. With an angry growl, Valerie throws a running forearm. But she telegraphs it, Genérico vaulting over top with a leapfrog, tumbling forwards as she lands and diving into a tag to Jade Rodez!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE TAG! HERE COMES JADE! LEON Here we go! C'mon sis!! Climbing into the ring, Rodez makes a beeline for the stunned Valerie, just charging through her with a clothesline! Valerie staggers straight back up, right into another clothesline! Sensing trouble for the Minnesota Angels, Constance scrambles in. She too takes a clothesline from Jade though, who is ON FIYAH~! Up stagger The Angels. Jade snaps a boot into Valerie's gut, then a boot into Constance's. Both double over, as Jade grabs two handsfuls of hair...messing up the precious, Minnesota locks...before sending the Minnesota heads together with the almighty Double Noggin Knocker~! LEON Hey, she did watch that Hogan tape I gave her! COACH You gave her a Hogan tape? LEON Yeah man! Where'd you think I learnt the 450 from? C'mon Jade, start Rodezing Up! Valerie and Constance stumble around, from both the collission of the heads and the fact Jade's offense is coming so unexpectedly for the overly confident duo. Quickly, Jade grabs Constance and pitches her out of the ring. Jade then grabs Valerie behind the head, slamming a forearm into the side of the head. Two more quick forearms follow, enough to leave Valerie dazed at least. Jutting out her chin, Jade dares Valerie to take a shot. Valerie groggily obliges, but Jade ducks the forearm and *SLAPS* Valerie with an Asschop!! Jade then grabs an arm, pitching Valerie into the ropes with an irish whip. Again, Jade swings out with a clothesline. This time Valerie sees it coming and ducks, all ready to point to her cranium and brag of how smart she is. Until that is El Chica Genérico dives into picture, connecting with a flying leg lariat that causes Valerie to land folded up on her head and her right shoulder!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!" GENÉRICO OLE~! Genérico fires up the crowd. Jade taps her on the shoulder though, pointing out to the recovering Constance on the floor and encouraging her opponent to "do the flippy thing". COACH OH NOZ, NOT TEH FLIPPY THING!! Nodding hurriedly and with a couple of "Si"s, Genérico rushes over to where Constance stands, exiting to the apron. Constance looks dazed, staring up with some apparant vision problems, as Genérico leaps to the top rope and tumbles back with the Arabian Press Suicidá (Split Legged Moonsault to the floor), wiping out Constance!! COLE Beautiful move! And that leaves Jade alone with Valerie for the moment. Still lying in an awkward position, Valerie is pulled to her feet. Jade throws a couple more forearm strikes, before attempting another irish whip. Valerie spins through, coming face to face with Jade momentarily and dragging her forward. She then ducks her head, ready to attempt a Northern Lights Suplex. Jade instinctively grabs the rope behind her to block, firing up knees into the chest of Valerie until she relents. As Valerie comes up Jade then pulls Valerie into a side headlock, pointing to the far turnbuckle as she breaks into a run. Diving forward, Jade attempts a bulldog as she approaches the middle of the ring. Somehow Valerie puts on the brakes and shows great strength though, able to lean back and eventually take Jade back and into a back suplex position, before turning to the side and planting Jade with a Blue Thunder Bomb!! Jade automatically rolls off her shoulder from the impact, but Valerie pulls her back and hooks in the sunset pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Frustrated, Valerie collapses backwards and slaps the mat with her hands. Jade is hurting, still without a naturally built immunity to hitting the canvas properly built up, meaning she feels the effects of the Blue Thunder more than most. LEON Okay, that wasn't in the gameplan. COLE And Jade looks hurt. Jade is going to have to show some of the heart that you regularly have in your illustrious career, Leon. LEON If I wasn't so nervous and so straight, I'd kiss you Michael. Valerie drags Jade up, noticing that she's holding the back of her neck and slamming a couple of elbows down across the body part. Jade drops to all fours, a smile emerging on Valerie's face as she looks down on her opponent with destain. She then pulls Jade back up. Cranking on the neck, Valerie slowly twists herself back to back with Jade, falling back with a Rude Awakening! Jade again holds her neck, as Valerie lounges back on Jade... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" This time, Valerie takes issue with the count, refusing to believe that a mere trainee would kickout at 2 on a fair count. Valerie then climbs back to her feet, bringing Jade slowly up. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Valerie reacts violatily to the chants, taking her frustrations out on Jade with another elbow to the back of the cranium. Falling to her knees, Jade shoots for a leg, but too weakly to trouble Val. She kicks Jade off, brushing her boot across the face of Jade before pulling her back up again. A hard forearm leaves Jade reeling. A second forearm has her staggered, allowing Valerie to take a step back, measuring a harder third forearm that knocks Jade off her feet. The lack of in-ring time is showing for J-Ro right now, as she's a sitting duck. Valerie backs off the ropes, leaping high with a legdrop across the throat. Cradling a leg, Valerie keeps her leg across the throat and packages Jade up... 1... 2... KICKOUT AGAIN! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" LEON There we go sis! COLE Valerie is looking more and more frustrated by the second as Jade Rodez clings desperately on in this match. Hugely frustrated, as she rips off her right elbowpad, tossing it to the canvas and screaming at Jade to get up. Out on the floor, Genérico and Constance continue to brawl around ringside, leaving Jade and Val to it. Jade grits her teeth and pulls herself up, bad neck and all. As she reaches her feet, Valerie meets her, reaching around with a knee to the gut. Over doubles Jade, as Val grabs the arm, reaching through and lacing it through Jade's legs into a pumphandle position. Smiling, Valerie gives the signal for the end. Valerie reaches back, hooking up the second arm before lifting. And finding the not too slender Jade Rodez a tough person to lift. Jade kicks her feet just to make it that bit harder. From nowhere, Jade then counters, hiptossing Valerie over the back. Valerie clings onto the holds on the arms though, pulling Jade down into a Pumphandle style Oklahoma Roll... 1... 2... Jade shoots her free shoulder up at 2 and 3/4s! Both women scramble up, Val already prepared with her padless arm, throwing an elbow strike. Jade beats her to it with a knee to the gut though, before taking the arm and pulling it into a cobra clutch! LEON She must have watched that Sgt Slaughter tape I gave her! COACH You gave her a Sgt Slaughter tape? LEON Yeah, where'd you think I learnt my 450 from? COLE I thought it was Hulk Hogan? LEON Hulk Hogan? What the hell are you smoking, Mickey? Yeesh! Flailing around in the cobra clutch, Valerie tries to grab whatever ropes she can get to. Valerie is unable to get there though. Jade pulls Val into the centre of the ring, cobra clutch still applied. Leaning her opponent forward, Valerie leaves Jade hanging with the blood rushing to her head to add to he sapping effects of the hold. Suddenly, Jade then yanks Valerie back, dropping to one knee and bringing Valerie across the knee with a Cobra Clutch Backbreaker!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" LEON ... COLE What a move! LEON ...okay, I sure didn't teach her that. Jade seems too busy worrying about her neck as Valerie lies motionless beside her, the crowd screaming at J-Ro to get on her. Which eventually she does, making a desperate lateral press, presence of mind to hook a leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "OOOOHHHHHHHH!!" Groans fill the crowd, despite Valerie being out pretty comfortably. COLE Only 2. Jade is showing us something here though. Remember, this is her first actual wrestling match and she's sticking in there with Valerie and Constance, albeit it by the skin of her teeth at times. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" As Valerie gets to her feet, Jade ignores the pain and scoops her up, with a women's style scoop slam. I.e, very basic. Still, it keeps Valerie down, as Jade stands clutching her neck again. Jade then hits the ropes, looking to capitalise on her grounded opponent. She suddenly clatters face-first to the canvas though, as Constance trips her leg from the outside out of view of the referee! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd get on Constance's case, as she tries to look as innocent as possible when questions from the referee come her way. Constance rolls into the ring as Jade pulls herself up, clotheslining her from behind. Down goes Jade, holding her neck, as Constance checks on Valerie. Once she's sure her partner is okay, she then turns around... ...to find El Chica Genérico hurtling through the air, catching Constance's head between her legs as she flashes past, bringing her around and down with a Flying Hurricanrana!! COLE Magnifico! RODEZ Si. COACH ...uhm...err...HOLLA~! Genérico hops back to her feet. But before she gain her bearings, Valerie is back up and charging. Hooking her arm around Genérico's throat, Valerie lunges, bringing her down across her knee with an STO into a Backbreaker! Rolling around in agony, Genérico seems to be taken care of, so Valerie drags Jade up from the canvas. On is slapped a front facelock, Valerie shakes, rattles and rooolllss...but her momentum takes the move too far, Jade rolling all the way through the neckbreaker and pushing Valerie off. Stumbling backwards, Val puts on the brakes and tries for her STO/Backbreaker move again. Jade ducks under the arm though, waiting for Valerie to turn around before firing off a quick, sudden and totally unexpected Gamengiri (Front Enziguri to the face)!!! Valerie is knocked loopy, the crowd going nuts as the hurting Rodez drops on top with a pinfall... 1... 2... LEGDROP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD FROM CONSTANCE!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LEON Damnit! COLE The referee has lost complete control of this match here! Jade remains slumped over Valerie. But Constance grabs her by the hair and pulls Jade off of her partner, bringing her to her knees and placing her in a standing headscissors. The crowd know what's coming and will El Chica Genérico to get up and make a save. But she's under the bottom rope, writhing in agony. Allowing Constance to butterly the arms, lifting Jade up with some noticeable effort before placing her hands over the thighs of Jade... *WHAM!* ...and SPIKING her with the Package Piledriver!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jade jumps off the canvas, not through her own accord of course, crumpling onto her back motionless. From there, it's academic... 1... 2.. 3! *DINGDINGDING* The bell rings as Constance pushes herself to her knee, a wry smile disguising her obvious surprise at the fight this young trainee has put up tonight, a slight shake of the head visible as she rolls away. Constance takes Valerie by the arm and drags her from the ring, the duo making their exit, before El Chica Genérico can get near them to make a belated save. BUFFER Your winner of this contest...THE MINNESOTA... AAAANNGGEEELLLSSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, a brave fight put up by Jade Rodez but in the end, experience told. LEON That's cool. I'll tell you what Michael, she might not have won, but right now I'm proud as punch with my little sis. Two months and change of training, on top of a couple of months a couple of years ago...and she gave one hell of a performance. She didn't give up, she showed real fight, she used a cobra frikking clutch which was pure awesomeness. It's all about paying dues and learning lessons...and tonight, she did both. COLE Well, Leon, we'll let you go and check on your sister, but thanks for joining us tonight. LEON Aw, no problem Mickey. Coach...peace out, a-town down, YAY-UH~! COACH WORD~! Leon leaves Sofa Central, rolling into the ring and checking on his sister with Genérico. The Minnesota Angels have their win and are back to looking smug and cocky as ever. But they know they've been in a fight tonight and they don't boast too much as they leave. Well...okay, maybe they do. But they were in a fight. As The Angels leave meanwhile, Jade is helped to her feet by Genérico and Leon, held up as she grabs her neck with a big grimace on her face... ...to applause from the fans. COLE These OAOAST fans showing their appreciation for a gutsy effort. And in 2 or 3 months, with a little more training and some in-ring seasoning, there's no reason why Jade Rodez can't be a major player in the Women's Division. COACH Word, playa. And speaking of women in action, we've got that Crystal vs. Peter Knight match, plus the Axel/Calvin meeting and a whole lot more! Stay tuned!

We cut backstage to the locker room, Jesse Ventura ducking out of the way of various objects -- luggage, chairs, etc. -- being thrown by Narcissistic Ned. Ned slams a chair to the floor, growling. VENTURA Ned, what happened out there? It seemed like you had everything in control. You gotta be upset with the result? NED Upset?! I'm not upset, Jesse. As a matter of fact, I'm thrilled! VENTURA Thrilled? NED The Ned-man doesn't deserve sloppy seconds. Why buy a used car when you can get one just out of the assembly line? While Holly and the Heavenly Rockers are off celebrating, they opened up a whole new can of worms when they attacked a defensiveless man in Jim Cornette. You've once again showed your pettiness in causing pain to those you want, Holly. It isn't sexual this time, but rather intellectual. You wish you had the mind for business like Jimmy does. Because of you he's in the trainer's room being looked over by a team of doctors, possibily having suffered a serious neck injury. The OAOAST isn't big enough for the both of us. So how 'bout we raise the stakes a little, huh? VENTURA Wait a minute, Ned. I gotta remind you, because of your loss you're no longer allowed to get involved in the Heavenly Rockers' affairs. NED Oh, but I think this is one affair they'll be very interested in getting involved in, Jess. Last week Holly said she was willing to risk it all to put an end to her so-called "nightmare." I know how much they hate our guts, that's why we come to them this week willing to risk it all. If you accept our tag team match for next week, Synth and Logan, and our able to beat us 1-2-3, then myself, Simon and Jimmy will leave the OAOAST for life! "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" VENTURA That's a helluva lot you all would be risking, Ned. Are you sure about that? NED We're going all in. If they can hold us down for those 3 seconds it takes to win, we'll leave for life. There's a catch, however. We want this done inside a...STEEL CAGE. Men's manhoods are at stake now. If we're going to lose, we're going to do so as men. Enough of the woman. Enough of the soap opera B.S. It's a man's fight now. Narcissistic Ned exits. VENTURA Unbelieveable! The New New Midnight Express have challenged to the Heavenly Rockers to a match, where if the Midnights lose, they say they'll leave the OAOAST for life. And they want it inside a STEEL CAGE! I'm being told through my earpiece that pretty boy Matthews is with the Heavenly Rockers in their dressing room. Joshie? CUT TO: Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood celebrating in the dressing room with a bottle of champagne. Loud rock 'n' roll music playing in the background. JOSH I can barely hear you, Jesse, but thank you. Holly, congratulations on the big win. HOLLY A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. LOGAN And all Ned's gonna be doin' tonight is his right hand. SYNTH (slurred speech) A jack-off jacking off! LOGAN Excuse the Synthmeister, Josh, he gets drunk easily. JOSH I'm sure the party has just begun. But I was with you guys as you heard the challenged issued by the New New Midnight Express. They want you two inside a steel cage next week. LOGAN Did they say they'd leave for life, J-Math? JOSH For life. LOGAN There's nothing more I'd like in the world -- besides having Holly by my side, of course -- than seeing the New New Midnight Express and their con-artist manager Jim Cornette out of the OAOAST. I don't know about you guys, but something sounds fishy here, don't you think? SYNTH Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Em pussies gonna be gone fishin' next week! LOGAN I like the sound of that. What about you, Holly? HOLLY If it means bye-bye Neddy, then... Na, na, na, na, na, na... a-hey, hey... GOODBYE! LOGAN That settles it. You boys wanna fight like men? Let's fight like men. For the final time ever, the Heavenly Rockers vs. New New Midnight Express. SYNTH CAAAAAAAGE MATCH! JOSH What an announcement, fans. Next week on HeldDOWN, for the last time ever -- the New New Midnight Express vs. the Heavenly Rockers inside a STEEL CAGE! If the Heavenly Rockers win, then the New New Midnight Express will LEAVE the OAOAST. Next week will be rockin', guys. Back to you at Sofa Central. COLE What a blockbuster! A steel cage match next week -- for the New New Midnight's CAREERS! CABOOSE This isn't right, but it won't matter, because the MX will beat that boy band, anyway. COACH Hold on, playas. You know the Coach loves the ladies... CABOOSE Or so you claim. COACH ...anyway, we've got a camera on Floggin' Molly in the back! HOLLA~! (“Floggin” Molly Matthews is strolling down the hallways with two bottles of a sports drink in which the label has been blurred (looking suspiciously like the non-OAOAST endorsed Gatorade). She’s obviously looking for someone in particular, as looking in random rooms would be weird otherwise, even for the ever strange Molly. Her face brightens up as she looks in one of the women’s change room. The cameraman peeks in, hoping he doesn’t get his ass kicked my a bunch of half dressed females, but breathes a sigh of relief when he just sees a dressed Jade Rodez!) MOLLY Jade! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! JADE Um, hey Molly. You’ve been looking everywhere? Where else would I be? MOLLY Oh, I dunno. Catering? Calvin’s office? The production truck? How was I supposed to know you’d be in a random room like this? JADE Random room? This is the women’s change room Molly… MOLLY We have our own change room? Wow! Guess I can take my stuff out of the janitor’s closest…want a drink? (Though a bit surprised at the sudden change of conversation, Jade gladly accepts the water bottle) MOLLY So…I hear you have a match against Valerie and Constance tonight. I was thinking, since those two valley girls interfered in my match last week, we could team up and wreak havoc. I hear you’re doing awesome in your training from the grapevine. JADE Thanks Molly, but I have a partner already. I know how much you want to get your hands on them… MOLLY (sighing) Oh well. Guess I’ll have to wait in line and get my hands on them next week. Anywho, good luck in your match tonight! That punch of vodka should sure get your blood flowing! JADE (spitting out the Gatorad-erm, I mean, generic sports drink) VODKA? I knew it tasted familiar! You spiked this with vodka?!? MOLLY Well duh. I put vodka in everything. Doesn’t everyone? Geez, what a weirdo… (As Molly exits the room, Jade just shakes her head) JADE And I thought I would be the weirdest girl here! Hm, on second thought, this actually tastes pretty good…

Backstage, Josh "J Math" Matthews is standing by with the two newest Upstarts in the OAOAST, Christian Wright and HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion Bohemoth. MATTHEWS Okay, Christian...what we saw last week on your part was shocking to say the least. You and Bohemoth joined forces with Drek Stone and The Global Party Exchange to beat down Black T. But, before we get to that, there's a question that you need to answer. Namely, the challenge made by Leon Rodez last week. He wants you at Angleslam...the question is, are you going to accept? WRIGHT I would love to accept Leon Rodez's challenge towards me. However... MATTHEWS However? WRIGHT However, meaning 'in whatever manner or degree, nevertheless, in any degree'...I unfortunately am not able to do so. For you see, last week, if you review the footage you will discover that I tragically suffered an injury that will keep me out of action for the foreseeable future. MATTHEWS You're trying to say that you got injured last week from sneak attacking Black T? WRIGHT No no. The injury occured soon afterwards. In his evident frustration, Drek Stone obtained a cup of coffee and hurled it to the ground in close proximity to myself. I slipped on the coffee, tearing my MCL. *points out kneebrace* So, unfortunate as it may be, Leon Rodez, I cannot commit to a match with you at this point. However, having spoken to doctors and physicians at length in the past week, I have been given suitable recovery times. And, if the offer were to be extended again in...3, 4...maybe 5 months, I will gladly accept. Josh doesn't know what to make of any of this...until, suddenly, GM Calvin Szechstein has arrived! CALVIN I didn't understand a word of what you just said, so forgive me if I missed anything. But, you're telling me that you've torn your ACL? WRIGHT Yes Mr Szechstein, that is unfortunately true. CALVIN Really? WRIGHT Yes. Bohemoth tries to point something out to Wright, but apparantly isn't heard. CALVIN So...you have a torn ACL...AND, a torn MCL? WRIGHT Wh...Wha...? CALVIN You said you tore your MCL, but now you're saying you tore your ACL. Call me suspicious, but something stinks around here. No note has been recieved from your doctor. No word has come from you to head office not to be booked on house shows or HeldDOWN. Hell, I swear I saw you drive out of the arena last week. With a torn MCL and a torn ACL. So, if you're gutsy enough to drive a car with such 'serious' 'injuries'...then, I'm sure you can manage to compete at Angleslam against Leon Rodez. WRIGHT I don... CALVIN Infact, let me rephrase that. I hope you can manage to compete at Angleslam, against Leon Rodez. Because as new GM, I want Angleslam to be the greatest show of the year, hands down. I want my first PPV in control to blow all others out of the water. Matches like you versus Leon Rodez can do that. So, I'm going over your head here Christian, I'm forgoing the whole 'Guy makes challenge, other guy accepts' deal. Officially, as of right now, I'm booking that match for Angleslam. Leon Rodez versus Christian Wright...is on...at Angleslam. Cal begins to walk off, but smiles and turns back around. CALVIN Oh, and...get well soon. Off walks Calvin, leaving Wright fuming. Angrily, Wright tears off his fake kneebrace and hurls it off camera. WRIGHT Fine. In that case...I'll take Leon Rodez on at Angleslam. And he will regret the day that he dared challenge me! *cut to Sofa Central~* COLE Christian Wright getting a little of what he deserves! CABOOSE Bah. Screw you, Cole. COLE Narcissistic Ned vs. Holly-Wood is coming up next. Split-screen: Tony Schiavone in the locker room with the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette; Josh Matthews at the backstage interview position with Holly-Wood and the Heavenly Rockers. COLE (CONT'D) But before we go to the ring, Tony Schiavone and Josh Matthews are standing by with the people involved. Let's hear some last minute comments from Narcissisitic Ned and Holly-Wood. We'll start first with Tony Schiavone, who's with Narcissistic Ned. Tony? CUT TO: Tony and Ned in the locker room. Sarcastic Simon and Jim Cornette, both men dressed to the nines in tuxedos -- a flamboyant tuxedo in Corny's case, breaking out the black and gold longtail tux -- also in the room. SCHIAVONE Along with Narcissistic Ned, I'm also joined by Sarcastic Simon and Jim Cornette. Ned, you've been waiting for this opportunity for quite some time now. For months we've seen you on OAOAST chasing Holly, and despite her many rejections you've kept hounding and hassling her and the Heavenly Rockers. Tonight it all ends one way or the other. If you win, Holly must sleep with you. If she wins, however, then you must stay out of her and the Heavenly Rockers affairs. NED It wasn't rejection, Tony, rather a classic game of hard to get. George Washington, J.F.K., and Martin Luther King all fought for man. I join them tonight in fighting for man and for the hand of the lovely Ms. Holly-Wood. You see, Holly, honey bunny, the sexual tension between has finally reached its climax. I see that twinkle in your eye when you hear my name. You want me. Who can blame you? Every woman wants a piece of the Ned-man. But only a select few have that opportunity. Of course those women didn't step inside a ring to fight for that honor, but I'll go along with your foreplay request. And that's what our match really is -- foreplay. The real funs begins after hours at the Hilton. SCHIAVONE You act like this is a foregone conclusion. NED It is. SCHIAVONE (CONT'D) Let me remind you, Holly is a former Women's Champion. She knows how to handle herself in the ring. NED I don't deny that. But I also don't deny she's in for one rough night. Don't worry, baby, I won't need your face to have fun with you when we're on that king size bed. The springs have been reinforced. The champagne is on ice. You're probably on the pill, so I'll just throw out the rubbers. After I pin you, we'll go straight to the hotel and room 469. Love conquers all. And we'll be conquering each other. See ya in the ring, then in the hotel, sweetcheeks. Ned and company exit. SCHIAVONE Let's go to Josh Matthews with Holly-Wood. CUT TO: Josh Matthews with Holly-Wood and the Heavenly Rockers at the backstage interview position (a OAOAST backdrop). Logan and Holly standing side-by-side, his arm around her. He's the nervous one. JOSH Thank you, Tony Schiavone. I'm standing here with the woman who will face Narcissistic Ned in a matter of moments, Holly-Wood. Holly, we're just seconds away from without question the biggest match of your life. If you beat Ned he promises to leave you and the Heavenly Rockers alone forever. What are your thoughts heading into this big match? HOLLY My only thought is kicking Ned's ass! That son-of-a-bitch has put me and the people I care for through hell. Why? Just because I won't sleep with him. What kind of a reason is that? When I go to bed at night, I think to myself: "What would have happened if this had occurred in the WWE?" We'd probably be feuding over spilled coffee, thus saving me 8 months of hell. SYNTH But the OAOAST knows how to bring the drama for everyone and their mama. HOLLY Cancel the hotel reservations, Neddy, because after tonight I'll never have to deal with you again. And once I'm done with you, Ned, then I'm moving on to Jim Cornette. Outside of Ned, Cornette has been a thorn in my side. Well, Jamie, if you try any funny business I got a little something just for you. The nightmare ends tonight! Then it's onto winning the World tag team championship. Count on it. SYNTH Deal with that ya'll mutha'f...! JOSH Let's go to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Under the rules agreed upon by both participants, if Narcissistic Ned wins he will get Holly-Wood for the night; if Holly wins then Ned must leave her and the Heavenly Rockers alone forever. And, ladies and gentlemen, I have just been informed that the respective parties for each competitor have been BANNED from ringside! COLE Excellent call by our new General Manager. COACH Awww. What kind of a threat is Jim Cornette? COLE That tennis racket of his is. BUFFER Introducing first, from Beverly Hills, California, weighing 240 pounds, "the Handsome Hustler" Narcissistic Ned! "Chase" hits, the crowd rising to their feet and booing the appearance of a solo Narcissistic Ned. The Handsome Hustler walks to the ring with a swagger, climbing up the ring steps and swing over the top rope and landing perfectly on both feet in the ring. He walks over to a corner, making an "X" with his forearms, and removes his silver NNMX vest. He faces the entranceway, stretching his arms and legs. BUFFER And his opponent. From Hollywood, California, weighing enough to kick your ass, Arista Records publicist for the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, the Heavenly Rockers...HOLLY-WOOOOOD! "YEEEAAAHHH!" We cut backstage, where Holly is stopped at the gorilla position by Logan Mann. LOGAN Hey, uh, Holly...I, um, wanted to do this in private, but, you know... Aw, damn, why must I suck at letting my feelings be known? I can write a song about sex, drugs and roll 'n' roll, but I can't express my feelings to you. HOLLY Then write a song and tell me. LOGAN I thought of that, but it seems too WWE. I wanted this to be a special moment just between you and me, but then I remembered how much you love watching "A Wedding Story" on TLC, and with all the camers around, it may be kinda fun to do it like that. Unlike Synth, this is my first time doing this. I've been wanting to give you this since last week, but everytime I tell myself to suck it up and just give it to you, well, you know, the butterflies get to me. (takes deep breath) Look, I don't know what's going to happen in the next 5, 10, however many minutes it takes for your match, but whatever the outcome, I want you to know I...I... HOLLY (happily) Yes? LOGAN (CONT'D) ...want to give this to you now. Here you go. Logan hands Holly a gift-wrapped heart-shaped box. Holly gasps, her eyes lighting up. She tears apart the gift-wrap and opens the box. She pulls out... ...a RING. But not the ring she was expecting. HOLLY (disappointed) Oh. LOGAN It's a friendship ring. Friends forever. HOLLY I just had a flashback to a Saved by the Bell epsiode there. LOGAN Heh. Synth's been in the back watching his VHS copies. HOLLY Didn't he buy the DVD box set? LOGAN Yeah, but he says Dustin Diamond asked to borrow it and never returned it. So, uh, do you like the ring. I couldn't help to notice you seemed a bit disappointed. HOLLY Oh, no. I love it. Love it, love it, love it. Thank you. Kiss. TERRY TAYLOR (Off-Screen) Come on, Holly, we don't have all night. HOLLY & LOGAN Shut up, rooster! HOLLY Well, I better go. LOGAN Yeah. Holly climbs up the stairs. LOGAN Holly. HOLLY Yeah? LOGAN Before you go out there I want you to know that I...I... HOLLY Got me another present? LOGAN No. I, um... Good luck out there, girl. Heh. I should really come up with some cute nickname for you. I know you hated the last one. HOLLY Calling a woman "bitch," no matter how much love it's intended to have, doesn't exactly make a girl feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. LOGAN Yeah, I know. Good luck. I'll -- We'll be watching. The two kiss and Holly leaves for the ring. We cut back to the arena and Holly walks out onstage to a huge ovation, looking focused as ever. As she nears the ring, Narcissistic Ned rushes over and holds the ropes up for her. Holly walks away and tries entering from another side of the ring, but she is once again met by Ned. COLE Ned stalking Holly. Why can't that narcissistic bastard understand she doesn't want him? Holly ingores Ned's gesture and walks over to another side of the ring. And Ned meets her there, too. Holly finally loses her cool -- flipping Ned off to a loud pop. Narcissistic Ned throws his hands up and shrugs, backing away from the ropes. CABOOSE Why did she have to do that? The guy's trying to be a gentleman, but she isn't responding like a lady. Holly removes her leather biker jacket and tosses it aside, sliding underneath the bottom rope and loosening up in the corner -- jogging in place, pulling back on the ropes, etc. With both competitors in netural corners, Nick Patrick calls for the bell. * DING DING * They both walk up to the center of the ring. Narcissistic Ned acting like his usual arrogant self. The two exchange words, with Ned playfully squeezing Holly's left cheek. She sarcastically smiles, then grits her teeth and decks Ned with a forearm smash! Holly floats back to the corner after having stung like a bee. Ned, eyes wide, uses the ropes to pull himself up to a knee, massaging his jaw. "YOU GOT SERVED!" "YOU GOT SERVED!" "YOU GOT SERVED!" COLE It's been awhile since we've heard that chant. CABOOSE I could've waited awhile longer. Blanchard rises to his feet, shaking off the cobwebs. Embarrssed, Narcissistic Ned leaps to the center of the ring, stomping the mat with both feet, telling Holly to come over and lockup. COLE Ned very eager to lockup. CABOOSE I'd be eager, too, if Holly were my opponent. COACH We're gonna see how rough Holly likes it now. Collar-and-elbow tie-up, Narcissistic Ned going behind and riding Holly like a mechanical bull, smiling as he blows in her ear. Holly stuns Blanchard with a reverse elbow to the right temple and countering the waistlock into a hammerlock. It doesn't take Narcissistic Ned long to counter into a hammerlock of his own. Twisting the arm, Blanchard makes sure to keep his head pressed against Holly's back, making sure she wouldn't be able to connect with any more back elbows. Holly sticks her right leg between Ned's and takes him down to the mat with a drop toehold, then floats over the top into a front facelock. Blanchard pops back to his feet, backing Holly-Wood in the corner, pressing all his weight against her. Nick Patrick asking for a clean break. Ned lowers his head, placing his forarms on Holly's chest. He slowly raises his head up and then JIGGLES Holly's breasts. "OOOOOOOOOOO!" Ned backs away, smirking. COACH I guess we're still in the "feeling out" period, fellas. Holly scowls. She SPITS her wad of GUM in Ned's face and SLAPS him. That's only the beginning of her onslaught. She SPEARS Ned to the mat and buries the knee into the groin, hammering the Handsome Hustler with hard forearm smashes to the face. Ned grabs Holly by the throat and SLAPS her. COACH Ha! That gets her off. COLE Would you stop! You've spent the past two weeks spouting off one-liners with double meanings. Call the damn match. CABOOSE Looks who's talking. Narcissistic Ned measures up and viciously kicks Holly in the ribs, stomping her on the back of the head as she rolls away. Ned drops down and CHOKES Holly, using his free hand to SLAP her. "You want him over me, bitch?" Ned says, shaking uncontrollably as he continues choking Holly. Nick Patrick physically pulls Ned off Holly. Blanchard gets up and shoves Patrick, who immediately warns of a DQ if Ned gets too physical. Holly picks herself up in the corner. Blanchard nailing her from behind with a running knee to the spine of the back that sends the Arista Records publicst crashing sternum-first into the corner. Holly rests her head on the top turnbuckle, moaning. Ned grabs Holly's hand, locating the index finger and... COLE Ned BITING Holly's finger! COACH Uh, Mikey, he's not biting her finger. COLE Then what is that bastard doing? COACH He's... ...SUCKING HOLLY'S FINGER! COLE How disgusting! Not only has Narcissistic Ned fondled Holly in this match, he's getting...pardon me...kinky. Holly GOUGES the eyes, Ned quickly responding with a shot to the gut. He pulls Holly out of the corner just to throw her back in. Ned steps back and goes all Karate Kid on us, getting in his karate stance and kicking Holly in her temples with both feet. J.R. Van Dam-- I mean, Narcissistic Ned punishing Holly-Wood with those edcuated feet. Pointing in the air, Blanchard takes a giant step back. Sidekick-- No, Holly catches Ned's foot coming in! The crowd -- and Ned, for that matter -- waiting for Holly to make her move. Ned putting his hands together, begging the crowd to reason with Holly. The crowd full of sinners roar in approval as Holly-Wood takes Ned over with a DRAGON SCREW LEGWHIP! Blanchard getting up holding his knee. Holly off the ropes with a dropkick to that very knee. Holly tries whipping Ned to the ropes, but his knee gives out. Narcissistic Ned waistlocked, Holly lifting him up in the air and dropping the Handsome Hustler on his tailbone on her knee. Inverted atomic drop. Ned freezes, wincing in pain. Another inverted atmoic drop. Holly takes Ned up for a third. Ned jumping in place from the pain, then grabs his knee. COACH Poor Handsome Hustler. First the knee, then the family jewels, and back to the knee again. COLE Somehow I doubt you'll find a lot of concern folks for Narcissistic Ned. Holly hits the ropes and levels Ned with a clothesline. She picks him up by the hair and successively rams him into the top turnbuckle. ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE... SIX... SEVEN... EIGHT... NINE... Holly puts her BOOT up on the top turnbuckle... ...TEN! Ned stumbles out of the corner, groggy, and drops on all-fours, placing his forehead on the mat due to exhaustion. Holly gives the Handsome Hustler a taste of his own medicine, kicking him in the ribs. Narcissistic Ned rolls to the corner, clutching his ribs. Holly brings him to his feet and shoves him into the corner. She rubs her hands seductively on Ned's chest. HOLLY Do you like that, baby? NED (smiling) Oh, yeah. Give it to me all, honey bunny. Holly stops rubbing Ned's chest, his eyes widening as he sees Holly bring her hand back and then forward. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" Ned grabbing his chest, crying out. Holly punches him in the gut, causing Ned to lower his guard. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" Blanchard whipped across the ring. He bounces hard out of the corner and straight into a bodydrop! He crawls to the ropes and pulls himself up. He turns around and... ...Holly CLOTHESLINES him over the top to the floor! Holly-Wood powerwalks around the ring, slapping the ropes with enthusiasm. She steps out on the apron, placing her finger across her mouth, asking the fans to stay quiet as attempts to catch Ned by surprise. The only person caught by surprise is Holly, herself, as the Handsome Hustler catches her diving off the apron and RAMS her back-first into the RINGPOST! COLE Oh, my God! Holly may be hurt. She may be seriously hurt. She tried coming off the apron with a diving clothesline, but Ned caught her mid-air and drove her into the ringpost. I'm not sure if she can recover from this. This may be too much for her to overcome. CABOOSE High-risk, high reward. If she would've hit the move chances are she could have thrown Ned back into the ring and finish him off. Heh, I sounded like Coachman there for a minute. But now it's gonna be Narcissistic Ned who finishes Holly. COLE I understand we have footage from the back of Holly's boyfriend, Logan Mann, reacting from what we just saw. MOMENTS AGO A small box appears in the left-hand corner of the screen. Logan and Synth watching from the monitor in their dressing room. Logan lowers his head into both hands as Holly is drilled into the ringpost. Synth tries keeping him upbeat by patting him on the back. COLE This has gotta be tough on Logan, only being able to watch from the sidelines. COACH Oh, man, this is great. Not only will he finish her off now, but he'll be finishing off on her -- or in her, because we know how Holly likes it -- later tonight. You think the Ned-man would let me watch. We're close, you know. COLE What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you sexually repressed or something? If you keep acting like this pretty soon it'll be Jerry Lawler sitting in your chair. COACH No, no. Not Lawler. I'll be good. I'll be good. COLE Holly tossed back in. She tries buying herself some time by rolling across the ring and falling to the floor. Narcissistic Ned just getting back in himself. Now he has to walk all the way to the other side and stepping back out. Holly picked up by her hair, Ned copping a feel as he places her on the apron. Narcissistic Ned slides back in and pulls Holly up on the apron. COLE Don't tell me he's gonna... COACH Yes! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SUPLEX from the ring apron back inside the ring! Narcissistic Ned rolls through and puts Holly in a sitting double underhook. Nick Patrick asking Holly if she wants to quit, prompting a "HELL, NO!" "YEEEAAAHHH!" "Oh, she wants me," Ned tells Nick Patrick, who looks back at him with a whatever-type of expression on his face. Nick wipes the sweat off his brow and asks Holly again. He gets the same reply and now just waits and see along with the rest of us. Holly turns the other cheek, grimacing, as Ned KISSES her on her neck. COLE What arrogance from Narcissistic Ned. COACH Come on, Mikey. Look at Tommy Lee. That dude has banged Heather-freaking-Locklear and Pamala Anderson. Chicks dig bad boys. COLE Both of those marriages ended in divorce. CABOOSE And a case of Hepatitis C for Pam. The fans clap and stomp their feet in support of Holly. "HOLLY!" "HOLLY!" "HOLLY!" The crowd support and Ned's taking liberties fires Holly up. She rises up to a knee. Then a second. Sensing he's in danger Narcissistic Ned throws KNEES to Holly's face. She switching putting her knees up to lessen the impact of the blow. Unfortunately for Ned, the knee that got worked over earlier in the match collides with Holly's, allowing her to take him up and over -- all of Holly's weight crashing down on top of him. CABOOSE That's the move Larry Zbyszko used to beat Lord Steven Regal with at Slamboree 1994. I remember this vividly because England went into a brief depression after that and when his Lordship lost the World Television Title. COLE It's a test of strength now. Can Holly hold on? ONE... TWO... TH-- NO! COLE Oh, my! Blanchard just managed to break free. Narcissistic Ned is the first to get back to his feet. He charges Holly with his arm outstretched, but Holly ducks under and hits the ropes, taking Blanchard off his feet with a SPINNING HEEL KICK! Narcissistic Ned quickly rises to his feet -- but Holly rolls him up in a SMALL PACKAGE. ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! COLE The crowd gasps again, as Holly was half-a-count away from riding herself and the Heavenly Rockers of Narcissistic Ned endless overtures forever. Ned taken off his feet again, this time courtest of a shoulderblock. Holly dives on top, but Blanchard kicks out at two. Holly-Wood hits the far side of the ring, picking up a full head of steam and connecting perfectly with CROSS BODYBLOCK! ONE... TWO... TH-- NO, KICKOUT! Side headlock takeover, Ned scissoring the head, keeping Holly's head stuff down near his crotch. Holly rolls over and loosens the tight grip the Handsome Hustler has on her, getting to a vertical base and spinning around. She floats on top of Blanchard. The crowd "oohing" and "aahing" as Narcissistic Ned BRIDGES UP and goes for a BACKSLIDE -- but Holly flips back over, grabs a front facelock and hits PERCUSSION (DDT)! Ned's head bouncing off the mat, but more importantly, his body landing near the ropes. Holly crawls over and covers Ned, hooking the near leg. ONE... TWO... TH-- NO, FOOT ON THE ROPES! COACH (deep breathe) I don't know how much longer the crowd has before they pass out. I don't know how much longer I have. COLE Oh! Holly was just ONE FOOT away from having her 8 month long nightmare come to an end. CABOOSE When your adreanline mixes with emotion it leads to mental mistakes. And that's what we just saw. Instead of hooking the the far leg, the one closest to the ropes, she hooked the near. It allowed Ned to put the foot on the rope. I think she took Percussion for granted. Every wrestler has their go-to move, the one that once you hit you know it's over. Percussion is more of a luxery to Holly considering she prefers the Hollywood Groove or Rodeo Driver, but when you take into consideration that she trains with the Heavenly Rockers, who may have the best DDT in the sport, you know she knows how to use it. Holly scoopes Ned up and slams him in the center of the ring. She points to the top, taking a moment to soak in the cheers from the fans, and mocks Narcissistic Ned by STUTTER-STRUTING to the corner. From the inside of the ring and her back facing Ned, Holly starts climbing up to the top. Narcissistic Ned gets up holding the top of his head, and catches Holly going up, pounding the back of her neck with forearms. Blanchard positions himself on the middle rope and BACK SUPLEXES Holly to the mat! ONE... TWO... TH-- NO! Holly just gets the shoulder up. Ned now zooming in on the back, wearing it down for his Slingshot Suplex. Blanchard driving the knee repeatedly in the spine of the back, wrenching on the neck. In pain, Holly refuses to quit. There's too much riding on this to quit. She summons for the crowd, stomping the heel of her boot on the mat. The cheers get Holly going. She fights back to her feet, throwing a couple of elbows in the ribs of Ned. She tries whipping him to the ropes, but Ned stays in control by reeling Holly back in by her hair. Ned drops Holly with an elbow to the back. Blanchard calls for the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. He hits it! But instead of covering Holly, he picks her up and places her in a BEARHUG. He stuffs his head between Holly's breasts, shaking her wildly, THRUSTING UP, smiling. COLE Ah, this guy is a world-class ass-- I'm sorry, fans. I shouldn't be talking like that, but Ned -- the man's a class-A jerk. He had her beat, but instead of getting the 1-2-3 he wants to dish out some more pain. COACH I've never seen a more exciting bearhug in my life. I saw it right there! COLE She didn't quit. COACH I know. I saw her say, "Take me here, Ned. Take me right now. I want you, Neddy Bear." COLE The hell she did! "HOLLY!" "HOLLY!" "HOLLY!" COLE The fans won't let Holly give up. But she's beginning to go down. COACH ... COLE Don't. COACH Nick Patrick raises Holly's arm up once. It goes down. Twice. It goes down again. COLE If it falls here, it's over. NO! Holly keeps the arm up. She fights out of the bearhug with forearms to the face. She hits the ropes for some steam, ducking under a leapfrog. Ned caught coming off the ropes with a hip toss. Lateral press. ONE... KICKOUT! COLE It was nearly over there. Ned takes Holly to the canvas with a double-leg takedown. Ned sliding down Holly, pinning her in a very compromising position! COACH I've seen guys be pinned like that before. Get your head out of the gutter, Michael Cole. ONE... SHOULDER UP! Holly got the shoulder up. Still in that compromising position, Ned then holds down Holly's left hand. ONE... SHOULDER UP AGAIN! Now Ned holds both hands down. ONE... TWO... NO! COLE Oh, what great strength. Holly BRIDGING UP ON HER NECK with all of Ned's weight down on top of her. COACH Later tonight, not only will Ned be on top of her, he'll be in her! COLE COACH I'm sorry. I had to say. Ned jumps up and crashes all his weight down on Holly. ONE... TWO... NO! Holly bridges out. Ned jumps back up...and lands on Holly's SHINS! Holly rolls back and front facelocks Ned. RODEO DRIVER, twisting fisherman's suplex! COLE THIS IS IT! ONE... COLE No, I take that back. Competitiors are jixed when the announcer says that. COACH No, you're right, Mikey. It's over. TWO... TH-- NO, KICKOUT! COACH Holly scoopes him up and slams Ned in the center of the ring. She goes up to the top, her back facing Ned. COLE I sure hope she knows what she's doing here. It didn't work out for her last time. As Holly balances herself on the top, Ned gets up and waits for here to come off. Holly leaps backwards, and Ned catches her in mid-air and has her set for a TOMBSTONE PILDRIVER. But instead of spiking her in the mat, he wastes his time making sexual gestures -- sticking his tongue out, etc. COLE What an ass! COACH It sure is. I wonder if its tan or pale. A couple of the boys and I were wondering about that. COLE You're an ass too. Still showboating, Holly HEADBUTTS Ned upside down in the GROIN! She keeps doing so until she's able to roll Ned over in a modified victory roll, and gets back to her feet, the crowd cheering wildly as she puts Ned in the HOLLYWOOD GROOVE, a/k/a the Liontamer! COLE SHE HAS IT LOCKED IN! SHE HAS IT ON! Ned's gonna quit. Sarcastic Simon and Jim Cornette rush out from the back to aid Ned. COLE Wait a minute. They're supposed to be banned from ringside. What the hell are they doing out here? We need security out here, damnit! "YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Oh, yeah! We got some heavy security coming out here with the permission of our esteem General Manager. COACH This is a disgrace! THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS catch up with Singleton and Cornette. Synth and Logan bring Simon and James E. together. DOUBLE COCONUT! Seeing what has happened on the AngleTron, Narcissistic Ned can no longer hold on and GIVES UP! * DING DING DING DING * "YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Holly lets go. Narcissistic Ned rolls out of the ring, holding his back. A group of women jumping out of their ringside seats, crying in joy. COLE SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT! Holly has freed herself and the Heavenly Rockers from that jerk Narcissistic Ned! The Heavenly Rockers embrace Holly mid-ring. The 3 sharing a group hug. Synth leaves Holly and Logan alone, the two taking a much deserved moment to kiss. They hug. The crowd continuing to cheer like crazy in the background. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner...HOLLY-WOOOOOD! Narcissistic Ned must now stay out of Holly's and the Heavenly Rockers' affairs FOR...EVER! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" The New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette strike from behind. Holly going down from a Jim Cornette TENNIS RACKET shot. Synth thrown over the top. The Midnights working over Logan. Blanchard picks Mann up and holds him for Cornette. Cornette taps the racket on the mat and cocks it back and... * BOOM * ...nails NARCISSISTIC NED! Logan ducked! Synth slides back into the ring catches a shock Sarcastic Simon by surprise with a kick to the gut and places him in a front facelock. Logan reels Ned in. A double case of PERCUSSION (DDT)! They then turn their attention to Jim Cornette. James E. putting both hands up, begging for mercy. He doesn't know Holly-Wood is standing behind him. He keeps backing away. Still backing...backing... * BUMP * He turns around -- knee to the gut. Cornette doubles over, Holly locking him in a front facelock. She twirls his finger in the air, signaling for... ...PERCUSSION! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" But she isn't done yet. She asks the fans if she should do it again. COACH Don't these people have any compassion? PERCUSSION! One more? "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" PERCUSSION! COACH James E. might be hurt. COLE Oh, that's too bad. I'll be sure to say a prayer for him tonight. COACH (sarcastically) How kind of you, M.C. The crowd pops loudly one more time, as "G's & Soliders" hits. Synth and Logan stand beside Holly, raising her hand in the air. The trio exit, slapping hands with their fans. They look over at the AngleTron and see the Midnights and Cornette laid out in the ring. COLE The nightmare is over. Holly-Wood and the Heavenly Rockers are free. I'm sure they're gonna have a big bash later tonight. HeldDOWN continutes after these words from our sponsers.