Ace309

“Fans, I am here backstage with the SWF World Heavyweight Champion, Toxxic!” Ben Hardy exclaims into the camera. “Tonight he will defend the World Title against a returning SWF legend, the one and only Ejiro Fasaki. My question to you is this,” the interviewer continues, turning to face the straight-edger beside him; “do you think you can win?” “Of course I think I can bloody win,” Toxxic snorts, “I wouldn’t have flown out here if I didn’t.” “OK,” Hardy says, sighing under his breath and wondering why it’s always the difficult ones that he has to interview. “So are you not in the least bit worried about Ejiro’s mindset, given that you assaulted his sister on the last broadca-” “Whoah whoah, hold it right there sunshine,” Toxxic interjects. “Before you get all high and mighty on me, just remember that she hit me first! Now,” the Brit continues, “I can see that you’re a bit dubious about the whole morality of this Ben, so let me break it down for you. Would you hit a man who was a fair bit bigger than you, a good deal stronger than you, and fought people for a living when you had no training?” “Well…” Hardy begins uncertainly. “Exactly,” Toxxic interrupts him again. “I know what you’re thinking; ‘but she’s a girl, Toxx!’. Well Ben, for your information I’ve wrestled two girls for this title, Andrea Montgomery and Annie Onita. I hit both of them - in fact I handcuffed Annie and pasted her in the head with a chair, as I recall - and I don’t remember a massive fuss made about that. This ain’t about the fact that she’s female, it’s about the fact that she was relatively helpless. My argument is this; if you’re relatively helpless, don’t go bloody hitting someone who’s capable of laying you out.” “…I see,” Ben Hardy says, evidently deciding not to pursue that line of questioning any further. “But all the same, it’s fair to say that Ejiro Fasaki is not going to be pleased with you; do you think that might play a role in the outcome of tonight’s match?” “Yeah, sure,” Toxxic agrees. “He’s gonna be angry, and angry people make mistakes. Ben,” the World Champion continues, adjusting the title belt slung over his shoulder, “I’m not that worried by Ejiro. I’m no more worried by Ejiro than I am at the prospect of facing, say, Johnny Dangerous. In fact, let’s make a brief comparison. Both are jumped-up tag team wrestlers, am I right?” “I don’t know about-” Hardy begins, but Toxxic doesn’t let him finish. “Yeah, it stands to reason you don’t know much,” the straight-edger snorts, “that’s why you’re asking bloody questions all the time. But I digress; both jumped-up tag team wrestlers, who were part of a record-breaking tag team as a result of being carried by their partners.” “I think that’s-” “…being carried by their partners, who were both notorious Hardcore Champions,” Toxxic carries on. “Well, the Wildchild and Judge Mental were-” “-in the absence of their partners, both men stepped up to win the World Title, a reign that lasted a few weeks and was ultimately pointless.” “I really don’t think-” “…both men then lose the title and leave the fed to sulk for a little while,” Toxxic ploughs on, “before returning some point later displaying a partially changed attitude. As in; Ejiro’s trying not to cheat, and Johnny’s starting to develop something approaching a personality.” “Oh come on,” Hardy protests, “I don’t-” “-ultimately, they’re pretty similar,” Toxxic concludes. “The only notable difference is that Ejiro has a fit sister.” “So if we take your comparison to be a true and accurate one,” Hardy says carefully, “are we to assume that the end result will be the same? After all,” the SWF’s Number One Announcer continues, preparing himself for an unpleasant reaction, “Johnny Dangerous did beat you for the World Title in your first one-on-one meeting.” “That’s true,” Toxxic agrees easily, “but we have a saying in my country, Ben.” “Once bitten, twice shy?” “No,” Toxxic corrects him, “Ben Hardy can eat a bag of dicks.” There is a brief silence as Ben Hardy tries to remember exactly why he took this announcing gig instead of staying in the SJL. “But enough of this,” Toxxic grins at his interviewer. “The stats speak for themselves, Ben. Ejiro’s one and only title reign lasted three weeks. My second title reign lasted three months. I’m gonna go straight through Ejiro and get to the three month mark with this title reign as well, and then I’m going to go beyond that and hit one hundred days. And after that… who knows?” the Straight-Edge Sensation says. “But tell me one thing; do you think Ejiro can beat me?” “Well, it’s difficult to say,” Hardy admits after a couple of second’s thought, “but overall I‘d have to say; yes, I believe Ejiro Fasaki could beat you.” “Ben?” “Yes?” Hardy asks. A familiar, menacing, lopsided grin spreads over Toxxic’s face. “…Prepare To Be Proved Wrong.” FADE OUT

“Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the National Anthem.” Funyon steps into the ring to a round of polite applause, and the background music begins to play. Nothing can dwell....In your living hell Gangsters left dead roses at his store front, it was a warning sign. If he doesn't pay that green back fast his death his wife could grieve. He's banging his head against the wall with frustration. He placed his family's lives in a bad situation. He thought he was smarter and he could get over. Now life is ticking away. He's coming closer to danger. Ohh ohh ohh ohh...Yakuza Yakuza... I'd hate to be caught down in that trap. Ohh ohh ohh ohh...Yakuza Yakuza... Life is so damn sweet. The drop off spot was at Central Park right by Alice and wonderland. It better be paid by twelve o'clock or you can kiss your life good-bye. I feel it best you pay the rest of this money by noon or suffer the consequences, before things go kaboom. You know what can happen in Brooklyn or Manhattan. Betrail has a pattern which is usually death. What about your faith and your spirituality your meditations and your prayers daily. You burnt all possible allies with your deceit at your peak. You stomped and crushed on the meek You heard the words but you ignore the signs. You cross the line so you must pay the price Now you're running scared, you're running scared. Yeah your heart is pumping, your heart is pumping. Nothing can dwell in your living hell. No diggidy no diggidy no diggidy You must move on, you must proceed. Now life is ticking away. He's coming closer to danger. Ohh ohh ohh ohh...Yakuza Yakuza... I'd hate to be caught down in that trap. Ohh ohh ohh ohh...Yakuza Yakuza... Life is so damn sweet. The drop off spot was at Central Park right by Alice and wonderland. It better be paid by twelve o'clock or you can kiss your life good-bye. I feel it best you pay the rest of this money by noon or suffer the consequences, before things go kaboom. You know what can happen in Brooklyn or Manhattan. Betrail has a pattern which is usually death. What about your faith and your spirituality your meditations and your prayers daily. You burnt all possible allies with your deceit at your peak. You stomped and crushed on the meek You heard the words but you ignore the signs. You cross the line so you must pay the price Now you're running scared, you're running scared. Yeah your heart is pumping, your heart is pumping. Nothing can dwell in your living hell. No diggidy no diggidy no diggidy You must move on, you must proceed. Funyon dodges a hail of bullets amidst the applause for his stirring rendition of the Pilfers’ “Yakuza.” With that, the show fades in.

Earlier today… The press conference is a literal media circus, far bigger than any q and a session Danny Williams has participated in at the states. Of all the SWF superstars, none are more popular with the Japanese fans than Danny Williams. Afterall, Williams was not only trained in Japan but has clocked most of his ring time in the country. Wearing incredibly large glasses, a short but very loud stereotypical reporter speaks to Williams in broken english,” Mistah Williams, if you havaah one wishaah, whataah wouldaah beeah?” Letting out a forced laugh, a smiling Danny Williams carefully ponders his answer. While scratching his chin in contemplation, Williams remarks, “Wow...well I’ve always wanted to face Giant Baba.” The army of reporters nod in agreement as if to say,”very good choice.” This is expected, but it’s what the reporter says next that comes as a surprise. “Mistaah Williams, your wishaaah is granted!”,exclaims the excited reporter. Shooting a bewildered look at the crowd, a disoriented Williams quietly responds. “But...I...I thought Baba passed away several years ago?” “Hi!”shouts the nodding reporter. “Than how can I face him?” Suddenly, a large burly man in a Cowboy Hat comes storming through the sea of reporters. Clearing his path with a lashing heavy cow whip, the mysterious fat Cowboy jumps onto the stage, where he steam rolls threw tables and people alike. The berserk rhino of a man, holds his hand to the crowd and with a bellow of “HEEEEEEEEEE!” extends two fingers in the sign of the Texas bull! “HANSEEEEEN, your here!”exclaims the reporter! In response, Hansen spits a gallon of tobacco at the lucky reporter. Drenched from head to toe in black tar like goo, the reporter proudly models for the rabid crowd, who are no doubt very jealous. Like a child staring at Santa Claus, a wide eyed Danny Williams rises from his chair in ah. Wiping his mouth, the repulsive Texan gets down to business “So, you wanna tangle with Baba kid?”, slobbers Hansen. Unable to speak, Williams rubs his eyes in disbelief. “Well you see, way back yonder I was Baba’s tag partner and before he died, he gave me dis here magical whistle. I’m not sure how it works exactly but no shit, when I ever you blow it, Baba will rise from the grave and appear right before your god damn eyes.” With that, Hansen hands the whistle over to an overwhelmed Danny Williams, disgustingly using the same hand he rubbed his mouth with. Staring at the tobacco stained whistle with a mix of repulsion and wonder, Williams confusingly looks at the towering Texan for advice. “Now all you got to do is blow on it and he will appear.” orders Hansen as he scratchess his crab invested balls. Williams hesitates, after all fucking Stan Hansen has put his mouth on it. However the temptation is to great and with an unpleasant look on his face Williams slowly puts the whistle to his mouth and blows. The heavenly noise of the whistle echos through the conference room. At first there’s silence but it isn’t long before a strange creaking noise can be heard. Much like the opening scene from Hellraiser, a strange alien light begins to peek it’s way through the boards of the room. The conference room begins to shake as if there’s an earthquake and than... BOOM! A wall explodes with light and smoke. A large outline of a.....very tall hunched over E.T. like creature can be seen lurching in the glowing illumination. “WHO DARE SUMMON ME?”, asks the being in a low thunders voice. The room clears out in a panic, leaving Williams alone with the giant Texan and the mysterious creature that stands before him. Squinting his eyes as tight as possible, a horrified Danny Williams struggles to make out the details of the lumbering monstrosity. “WHO DARE SUMMON ME?”, demands the being. Hansen gives Williams a small push, knocking him closer to the towering demi-god. Upon closer inspection, Williams’ jaw drops in a combination of terror and amazement. The beast before him is none other than the legendary and very much deceased Giant Baba. Sporting a shining diamond studded robe, a very tall but frail and elderly Baba warmly smiles down at Williams, who can only scratch his head in curiosity. How could such a friendly peaceful creature produce such a monestrous voice. “Mr. Baba.....it was I who summoned you. But....I do not wish to face you...in the ring.” In response, Baba gently pets Williams’ head before roaring..... “MY RING’S OUTSIDE!” With that, Baba buries a vicious Karate Chop into the top of Danny’s brain, damn near planting him into the earth! The next thing Williams knows, a surprise Coconut Crunch slams his face into Baba’s sharp boney knee! Knocked goofy, Williams stumbles to his feet only get planted into the floor with a mean spirited DDT! Slapping hands with Hansen in celebration, Baba dances around Williams’ broken corpse, swinging his arm around in what is no doubt preparation for the feared and deadly Neckbreaker Dropper! Having no clue what truck hit him, Williams wobbles to a vertical base. Letting out a demonic growl that can be heard for miles, Baba awkwardly charges at full speed! Hooking his victim around the throat, Baba dives forward, TEARING WILLIAMS’ HEAD CLEAN OFF! Blood fountains out of severed arteries in Danny’s neck, painting the conference room a crimson red! Sitting up with a blood curdling scream, Williams awakes in a cold sweat! What is all a dream? Unnerved, Williams scans his darkened hotel room. All is quiet accept for the muffled cries of a Japanese wrestling announcer. The T.V.’s on, displaying a Baba/Hansen tag match. “Damn, I have to stop watching wrestling before I go to bed,” thinks Williams as he clicks the off button on the remote. Glancing at the alarm clock with crusty eyes, Williams lays back down with a sigh. “It was only a dream...” CRASH! Williams’ eyes swing open! The roof of the hotel peels away, revealing what has to be a 400 foot tall Giant, Giant Baba! The cyclopean behemoth lets out a bellowing laugh that nearly shakes the hotel to it’s foundation. Cuddling up in his bed like a freighted child hiding from the boogeyman, Williams screams at the top of his lungs as he’s consumed by the shadow of a lowering hand! THE END… OR IS IT? This promo was brought to you by excessive cocaine abuse.

This promo was underrated.

http://forums.theswf.com/ No use having them linked if they're not operational. I highly advise you not to commence legal action against the SWF.

Might I add... the name is ass.

My high school (class of 2000) had no qualms about letting two girls go together, although the principal made sure to watch very closely lest they behave inappropriately. Yes, that'll do.

Yeah, I'm just gun-shy about pregnancy angles. I'd also suggest everyone read Mak's match. It's anglelicious.

::dodges the Yakuza kick:: Judge used to talk about building up a particular move as incredibly deadly... like the Demonstar was built, never using it, just talking about it... and then busting it out in a match, only to have it no-sold completely. The guy with the big move ends up losing, and it's never mentioned again. Until two weeks later, at which point the guy is cutting a promo and suddenly collapses in a heap. (Y)

If I were on this card, I'd make sure to include my delayed sell. Get dumped on head, roll through, pop up, shotei, collapse. Convulsions optional.

In the interest of consistency, I reserve judgment on Pregnant Megan but assume it will suck. Thank you. That is all.

Hey, don't hate on the SDMB.

8.00

You're wrestling. Every minute the action stops, or presumably if you're in a hold it continues, and the designated wrestler takes a shot of cinammon schnapps.

Not that I want to start a psychology debate, but... ignoring for the moment that the Axe Bomber draws on Danny's elbow/forearm offense, Spike is a cruiser. Spike's lariat is a cruiser killer. Something somewhat fungible with a lariat put Spike down. I don't see the devaluation anywhere in there.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm just too fried from finals hell to do the commentification you guys deserve.

HEY! YOU GUYS GET BACK ON TOPIC! Nah, just fuckin' with you.

Attention Spike and QMM: Please send your match to chirs3 instead of Ace309, as some cad assigned me to mark, apparently forgetting that I have an exam on Monday afternoon. The person responsible will no doubt be very embarrassed due to the inconvenience he has caused.

Achem. With Hawke, it's the Technical Revolution Zero.

Jimmy Yang goes from being an Elvis impersonator to a member of the Yakuza.

Awww, thanks.

Fixed. There was a typo ([i/]) that left one wild tag out there. Blargle, and such. Johnny/Hawke was really quite close, and because I enjoyed both matches but felt they were both lacking in certain areas, it came down to writing fundamentals more than anything else. Hawke's finish was really appropriate, whereas Johnny's was a little less developed (due to seeming to want to build to one thing and then coming almost out of nowhere with another similar-but-not-the-same finish), but overall Johnny's match was just better. That's not to say Hawke's was bad, but I can comment more in-depth if he starts a thread. I was disappointed that JJJ didn't show for his match with David.

http://s39.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=28VBTMP...IZ1GR958XC4NFL3

Dangerous requested the night off.

You beat Martial Law. They DO have cred, y'know. Plus, it would have been kind of lame for them to lose to you guys and then go into the main.