Storm Comments.

[Guest Fire and Knives]

Congratulations to Annie and Spike on their triumphant returns, congratulations to Mak on retaining his title, congratulations to Dante Crane for writing an excellent match, and a resigned sigh of disgust with myself for writing the worst match I've produced in two months. I hate hardcore.

 

K.

[HVilleThugg 0]

First things first...

 

Fasaki, Wildchild, & Dangerous = teh shit! I'm sorry, but I know this is only like the second installment in the angle, but it's just phat!! I love it, and I'm all kinds of interested to see where it goes. Good work gentlemen, you've got me hooked.

 

Secondly...who was right about Annie??? Huh? Who was right? I'm looking at you Frost! However, I'm so freaking stupid...I should have known about Spike. I'm mean seriously...he's been working on the site with me for a while now, and he's got skills...like Spike had since, for those that don't know, he did the original IGNWF site. But he was also a lazy bastard, like me, so I should have known. Talk about your blasts from the freaking past....I swear! Now, Spike, I suggest you do a little bit of promoing to show these people who you are and what you've done because 95% of the people here don't know who you are, and they will complain that you need to give a history or something. Welcome back man, and no, we cannot do any IGNWO crap!

 

Ain't dat about a bitch!

 

Oh, and why nothing on the Mark/King angle?? I thought that King's tournament announcement would some how be a part of that, and while he was a dick when talking to the fans, it could have been more. Either way, that tournament will be cool, and I like the double elimination stuff too.

 

Da "is absolutely shocked!" H

[AnnieEclectic 0]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, freedom. Thank you Spike, for getting my parts done just how I wanted them. I'm a little curious what the end of your promo meant, but I'm sure we'll find out in time. Using all our moves was perfect and was basically what I wrote only half as long. Stupid work.

 

I'm curious now, just to see how many people didn't know it was me and who people thought it was. Heh.

 

I gotta read more that I'm back from yard saling. Stupid people and not having games.

 

-Annie

[Atlas 0]

The end of my promo mostly meant that I had no time to really finish it, so I decided to delay my whole big speech for the next show. Not sure how that'll turn out, what with the tournament and all. But I needed a way to cut myself off so that I have an explaination for my eventual leave.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

Definitely drop a big speech, Spikelas. There's more than enough room for it, and the show'll be boring if there aren't any promos.

 

My quick take on the show and what I marked:

 

Very cool hardcore match from Mssr. Lucretia. It's built up very steadily--a match based almost entirely around strikes and weapon shots for the first 2/3, yet it doesn't come off as cheesy hardcore brawl. I'm not a hardcore fan, but between the streetfight and this you guys are making one of me.

 

Sacred takes a close one from Judge. It's got some problems--a few of the spots are just weirdly contrived, and Sacred seems awfully stupid throughout a lot of the match, but the character calms down by the end and the finishing sequence is a thing of beauty. Judge remains the clear technical master, but Blackwell comes out the winner after a brilliant feint. Everyone should read this.

 

The angle developments are cool. It's weird to see Wildchild with Ejiro, and I do hope he comes out of this with some improvements, but also still maintaining his highspot facedom. Wildchild the reluctant heel can only last so long. The segment involving Johnny certainly ratcheted that tension up a bit, and I would love to see a WC/Ejiro tag match against Johnny and an applicable partner. I also think this story will thrive well in the confines of the tournament, though I wish we'd have been able to include WC in it too.

 

Mask vs. Mask was a bit disappointing in the aftermath of the PPV, but hey, the payoff is there now and the angle makes sense. Can't wait to see what Spike, the most veteran guy in the league now, has to offer now that he's shed the mask. Also very hyped about Annie--it's like both masked characters were them feeling out the fed again both IC and OoC, and now it's time for some hell-raisin'. These two could go very far in the tourney.

 

Everything's quiet on the King/Mark front, but King's promo about the tourney keeps his presence alive. Hope for more on the next show.

 

I also liked how most people handle Cyclone Comet. As long as you don't go overkill with the "I fight for justice!" and convoluted language, he's great. Also very funny to see Riley have to sort of slide into the play-by-play role. Solid show, that, even more importantly, seemed to have everybody writing.

[Longdogger_Pete 0]

Holy shit.

 

 

I admit I knew about Annie... there were clues in place from the beginning, and I know a few others knew about Annie...

 

...but SPIKE?

 

 

SPIKE?!

 

 

Did ANYONE know about Spike?

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

I figured it out (re: the bastard told me) after Ground Zero, but I had no clue up till then. And I book this shit. Talk about a patient comeback.

[TheBostonStrangler 0]

I was the first one who knew. I > j00. Great to have Spike and Annie back in the fold.

 

I'll try and bust out some detailed comments, due to my lack of bookage, on Monday, since I have work tomorrow.

[Guest Evolution]

If anyone who has time could comment on my match against CIA, it'd be much appreciated. I'm mostly looking for comments besides my commentary, since I know that is subpar (and I'm doing my best to work on it, until I get another new announcing team on Smarkdown).

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I was the first one who knew. I > j00. Great to have Spike and Annie back in the fold.

Although, anyone who downloaded that jacked up script would have known, as well.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

Come on, folks. The guy booking the show shouldn't have to be the one pushing comments into the double digits. Only half a dozen people have even posted on it, and the two who've said anything about the show in detail aren't even writing matches. Even a quick 5-minute note would be wonderful. That said...

 

Comments for Duran!

 

First off, don't worry: as far as I know, Comet is here for a good long run. I like the little change-up you do with your entrance, knocking the beer out of the woman's hands. It's a nice touch. One thought first of all: fire off a board promo between now and Lockdown. Short of what I've read in these last two matches and your stats, I have very little conception of who John Duran is and what makes him unique in the SWF.

 

Big note #1:

Duran quickly moves his body over CIA's to cover him for a cover early in the match, the ref paying close attention to the mat and immediately dropping to his knees to count the first pinfall of the match.

 

It might help to run back through your match after you've written it and do some edits. There's a lot of repeated information here and just a few simple clean-ups can keep your flow moving more fluidly. It'll also save you words at the end of the day.

 

Here's another question off that same quote: why *does* Duran go for the early pinfall? Comet calls him a fool and everyone'd tend to agree. Keep an eye out for things like that--just because we're used to seeing WWE guys go for pinfalls off vertical suplexes sans explanation doesn't mean it's the best thing here. A quick aside about how getting the first pinfall gives Duran the psychological advantage or challenges CIA to match him can do a lot for making the match seem more than by-the-numbers wrestling.

 

You do a real nice job with CIA's first offensive burst right after--the bulldog, the playing to the crowd quickly, and the dropkick to the corner make for a compelling early sequence. Nothing too complicated, but all very effective and good for traditional face mayhem. Duran's repeated punches and then forearm to the face is another simple little sequence that I like.

 

I would have liked to see a longer sell on the Michinoku Driver II after the dragon sleeper. You start it off very well with Duran being all stumbly and getting the desperation DDT, but he pops up so quickly afterwards that it makes me wonder what the point of the MD II was if we could have just gone straight to the DDT. A move that doesn't progress the match along somehow, tell part of the story, or pop the crowd in particularly notable fashion isn't really a move worth having.

 

The Ultimate Sin tease into the piledriver, on the other hand, is excellent for exactly those reasons. Crowd reaction, starts CIA on the route to his demise. Add in the taunting afterwards, and Duran is becoming a savvy heel in this match--a good mix of dickery and pure power. The chokeslam is another goodie, and I think with just a bit more of a sell from the commentators and crowd reaction, I would have totally bought it as a near fall.

 

I like that you didn't waste much time with the boring "elbows to the gut" transition out of the sleeper, and just had Duran shove CIA into a vulnerable position when the hold was going sour. The sunset flip counter I DID buy as a near-fall. Excellent work there. CIA's face comeback and showboating is also very well timed thereafter. Between that and the taunting, you're doing well with non-contact theatrics. As for the finish: I don't think you needed to have CIA kick out at the last second. It was a nice gesture, but don't worry about that sort of thing unless you happen to draw a match against the current world champ or you're in a heated feud. Him kicking out at the last second doesn't make him look strong--just incompetent--and it makes Duran's finisher look like it's barely enough. You'd be better off having CIA stumble up after the match and still get a rousing cheer from the crowd.

 

So all in all: the match is a bit mired in basics and a few bad habits. Yet look at how much I wrote about it--I really enjoyed reading it, and you're doing a helluva lot more things right than wrong. My summarized suggestions:

 

-Give us WF guys who haven't followed the JL much a board promo or a pre-match spiel that lets us see a little more of John Duran the character. Flipping folks off and being an ass is a good trademark, but I want to see more behind it.

 

-Keep an eye out for stuff like the Michinoku Driver II not really syncing up with the rest of the match.

 

-Play to your strengths for now: good, short sequences (CIA's first face offense, the Ultimate Sin tease/piledriver/chokeslam/sleeper sequence) and clever in-ring action (CIA playing to the crowd, Duran taunting).

 

I think you'll also gradually want to get more adventurous. It was a good match, but like your PPV affair, a bit plain. I think your tourney match with JD is a good place to experiment a bit--his character can be taken as a tough-ass brawler, hardcore maniac, sick submissionist--he's got a cool moveset and you can really work with him in whatever way you want to try. Keep on truckin'.

 

And that all only took me about 20, 25 minutes. See? Everybody can do it!

[Above Average 0]

One of the things I thought made this show, was the Spike/Atlas vs. Annie/Beezel match. It had wonderful flow and build, plus the addition of Cyclone Comet helped this a great deal. Tons of near falls... TONS! I bought the Spiker completely, but I knew who you were, so I definitely thought that was the finish. Then I thought Beezel was going to win after that kick-out, but the 'Nail in the Coffin' is an excellent finish. I love Elix Skipper's rope walk rana, so this move is an immediate mark out moment.

 

The after promo had a definite vibe to it, and Annie seems quite ready to step it up. While Spike makes himself known. Hopefully your opening promo will rectify 'being cutoff'.

 

When I found out about the tourney... I was, shocked and pleasantly surprised. Hopefully we'll still get a great undercard for Genesis, but this assures me at least, that the Main Event will be just that. A fed wide angle does that.

 

This took longer than 25 minutes Edwin... I want retribution. Well okay it took like 10 minutes but still.

[Guest Goodear]

Dace Night vs. The Show (Which is not all that Big)

 

The entrances are a little bleh as the sports entertainment part of wrestling has never really been one of Dace's strengths. He's all about the action in the ring, which is fine and dandy but I think a little more attention to some things beyond just the wrestling might give his writing a little more jazz.

 

Everything starts out with both men trying to throw bombs and nothing really connecting. Which is fine although I think saying that Matthews using a clubbing to block a powerslam off the ropes is a little clunky since those are usually too quick to counter that way and Dace doesn't point out a reason why the slam was so slow coming. Plus, I think you're overplaying the 'Chevy Chase' card a bit too much. Yeah, you don't want to say 'Show' over and over again, but there are a bunch of different things to call Show that aren't so repetitive or clunky.

 

Riley: "And these fans still won't get behind Show, even after that huge effort to win the Tag Titles. I'd get behind Show in a second."

 

See, this is a perfect way to use Riley's character in a funny way thats not completely over the top 'I want to lick his ballsack' kind of manner. Dace doesn't go to the humor everytime with the announcers, but just enough to make it work.

 

The trip to the outside and the final flurry of holds works very well although I think Dace has a hard time building empathy for his character since his matches are so back and forth all the time. I don't know, sometimes it feels like he writes himself as a little too unbeatable on occasion and it sort of makes the matches seem a little like forgone conclusions. Like... it hurts your nearfalls if you get my meaning?

 

The elbow attack as a tap out move was inspired in my opinion and really fits the Dace Night character as a continuous, tireless attacker. And I really dug the continuous stream of reversals that Dace throws out all the time. So if it sounds like I'm being critical... I'm just a critical person :-P

[Dace59 0]

*Takes note*

 

At least someone liked the ending.

 

As for the writing myself to tough thing.... hmmm, it's not the way I plan on doing it. He's very tough yes, but I havent had him kicking out of finishers or anytihng.

 

The back and forth is mainly because I really dont want to be incontrol to much, but then again, there's few people that can really squash me, and I dont always go in with a beaet down or work over plan for my opponent to be using.

 

Then I feel afraid of it getting to much like.. opening, oppoent in control, beat down, Dace comes back, finisher and win.

 

Mainly it comes down to, wrestling is the only stuff I can do without fucking up. Ah well.

 

*Notes it's Ejiro commenting*

 

Ok, there go my chances of winning.