Monty Python

[Guest edge007]

Which are your favourite skits from Monty Python?

Also, which are your favourite DVDs? I was considering getting Live at the Hollywood Bowl, but I'm not sure. I've got almost every other DVD though.

 

My favourites would have to be:

1. Holy Grail (DVD)

2. And now for something completely different (DVD)

3. The 'Nudge Nudge' sketch off Flying Circus

[the max 0]

Life of Brian.

 

Words cannot express how much I love this movie.

[razazteca 0]

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM eggs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM bacon SPAM SPAM SPAM cheese.

[spiny norman 0]

Yes, Life Of Brian is indeed their best. I don't know why people commonly say Holy Grail is better, as it cannot touch the infinite brilliance that is Life Of Brian.

[BlackFlagg 0]

A customer enters a pet shop.

 

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

 

(The owner does not respond.)

 

C: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a

complaint!

O: We're closin' for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about

this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago

from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's

wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead,

that's what's wrong with it!

O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and

I'm looking at one right now.

O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird,

the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle

fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything...

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine

o'clock alarm call!

 

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the

counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to

the floor.)

 

C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up!

Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough

of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I

purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its

total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged

out following a prolonged squawk.

O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?,

look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im

home?

O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable

bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I

got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had

been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had

been NAILED there.

 

(pause)

 

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that

bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em

apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four

million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! 'E's pining!

C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more!

He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you

hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!

'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!

'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run

down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

 

(pause)

 

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop,

and uh, we're right out of parrots.

C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

O: I got a slug.

 

(pause)

 

C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll

replace the parrot for you.

C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

 

The customer leaves.

 

The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a

false moustache.

 

C: This is Bolton, is it?

O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

 

The customer goes to the train station.

He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".

 

C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

C: I beg your pardon...?

A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I

like being my own boss!

C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to

200 lines, you know.

C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found

myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

A: No, this is Bolton.

C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

A: Can't blame British Rail for that.

C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

 

He does.

 

C: I understand this IS Bolton.

O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

C: You told me it was Ipswitch!

O: ...It was a pun.

C: (pause) A PUN?!?

O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same

backwards as forwards?

C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

O: Yeah, that's it!

C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be

"Notlob"!! It don't work!!

O: Well, what do you want?

C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as

I think this is getting too silly!

 

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too

silly...

[cbacon 0]

My dad bought The Life of Brian. I plan on watching it tomorrow.

 

Favourtie sketch: The Ministry of Funny Walks

[Zorin Industries 0]

The Bishop: A Church of England production

 

The Dirty Vicar Sketch

 

The Third Test Match by Pier Palo Pasolini

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

The Spanish Inquisition Pts 1-3

 

Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook

 

"What have the Romans done for us?"

 

Cannibal Undertakers

 

An Interview with Raymond Luxury Yacht (Pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove)

 

The Funniest Joke in the World

 

Aliens Turn People into Scotsmen

 

Accountant Applies for Lion-Taming Job

 

Upper Class Twit of the Year

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

The Story of the Piranha Brothers.

 

 

Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers,

Doug and Dinsdale, after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal

history, were sentenced to 400 years imprisonment for crimes of violence. We

examined the rise to power of the Piranhas, the methods they used to subjugate

rival gangs and their subsequent tracking down and capture by the brilliant

Superintendent Harry 'Snapper' Organs of Q Division.

 

Doug and Dinsdale Piranha were born, on probation, in a small house in Kipling

Road, Southwark, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen. Their father Arthur

Piranha, a scrap metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police,

and a devout Catholic. In 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming

East End boxer. Doug was born in February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later;

and again a week after that. Someone who remembers them well was their next

door neighbour, Mrs April Simnel.

 

"Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical East End Street, people were in and out of

each other's houses with each other's property all day. They were a cheery

lot. Cheerful and violent. Doug was keen on boxing, but when he learned to

walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that.

His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his

little boot in he'd be, bless him. All the kids were like that then, they

didn't have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism."

 

At the age of fifteen Doug and Dinsdale started attending the Ernest Pythagoras

Primary School in Clerkenwell. When the Piranhas left school they were called

up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National

Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their

country, they began to operate what they called 'The Operation'... They would

select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called

protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the

called 'The Other Operation'. In this racket they selected another victim and

threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them. One month later they hit

upon 'The Other Other Operation'. In this the victim was threatened that if he

didn't pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the

turning point.

 

Doug and Dinsdale Piranha now formed a gang, which the called 'The Gang' and

used terror to take over night clubs, billiard halls, gaming casinos and race

tracks. When they tried to take over the MCC they were for the only time in

their lives, slit up a treat. As their empire spread however, Q Division were

keeping tabs on their every move by reading the colour supplements.

 

One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince

Snetterton-Lewis.

 

"Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the

hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's

boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word

with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape

round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with

Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man

they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and

Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me

nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my

name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the

floor."

 

Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O' Tracy.

 

Rogers: I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother

flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Rogers: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to

the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Rogers: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do,

be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Rogers: What had you done?

Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was

the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he

didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He

wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.

Rogers: And you don't bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Rogers: I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table.

Isn't that true Mrs O' Tracy?

Mrs O' Tracy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Stig: Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair.

 

Vince Snetterton-Lewis agreed with this judgement.

 

Yes, definitely he was fair. After he nailed me head to the table, I used to

go round every Sunday lunchtime to his flat and apologise, and then we'd shake

hands and he'd nail me head to the floor. He was very reasonable. Once, one

Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very

much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to

a cake stand."

 

Clearly Dinsdale inspired tremendous fear among his business associates. But

what was he really like?

 

Gloria Pules knew him intimately.

 

"I walked out with Dinsdale on many occasions and found him a charming and

erudite companion. He was wont to introduce one to eminent celebrities,

celebrated American singers, members of the aristocracy and other gang leaders,

who he had met through his work for charities. He took a warm interest in

Boys' Clubs, Sailors' Homes, Choristers' Associations and the Grenadier Guards.

"Mind you there was nothing unusual about him. I should say not. Except, that

Dinsdale was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he

referred to as 'Spiny Norman'. Normally Spiny Norman was wont to be about

twelve feet from snout to tail, but when Dinsdale was depressed Norman could be

anything up to eight hundred yards long. When Norman was about Dinsdale would

go very quiet and start wobbling and his nose would swell up and his teeth

would move about and he'd get very violent and claim that he'd laid Stanley

Baldwin."

 

Rogers: "Did it worry you that he, for example, stitched people's legs

together?"

 

Gloria: "Well it's better than bottling it up isn't it. He was a gentleman,

Dinsdale, and what's more he knew how to treat a female impersonator."

 

But what do the criminologists think? We asked The Amazing Kargol and Janet:

 

"It is easy for us to judge Dinsdale Piranha too harshly. After all he only

did what many of us simply dream of doing... I'm sorry. After all we should

remember that a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Dinsdale was a

looney, but he was a happy looney. Lucky bugger."

 

Most of the strange tales concern Dinsdale, but what about Doug? One man who

met him was Luigi Vercotti.

 

"I had been running a successful escort agency -- high class, no really, high

class girls -- we didn't have any of *that* -- that was right out. So I

decided to open a high class night club for the gentry at Biggleswade with

International cuisine and cooking and top line acts, and not a cheap clip joint

for picking up tarts -- that was right out, I deny that completely --, and one

evening in walks Dinsdale with a couple of big lads, one of whom was carrying a

tactical nuclear missile. They said I had bought one of their fruit machines

and would I pay for it? They wanted three quarters of a million pounds. I

thought about it and decided not to go to the Police as I had noticed that the

lad with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area. So a

week later they called again and told me the cheque had bounced and said... I

had to see... Doug.

Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of Doug. I've seen grown men

pull their own heads off rather than see Doug. Even Dinsdale was frightened of

Doug. He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor,

bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious."

 

In this way, by a combination of violence and sarcasm, the Piranha brothers by

February 1966 controlled London and the Southeast of England. It was in

February, though, that Dinsdale made a big mistake.

 

Latterly Dinsdale had become increasingly worried about Spiny Norman. He had

come to the conclusion that Norman slept in an aeroplane hangar at Luton

Airport. And so on Feb 22nd 1966, Dinsdale blew up Luton.

 

Even the police began to sit up and take notice. The Piranhas realised they

had gone too far and that the hunt was on. They went into hiding. But it was

too late. Harry 'Snapper' Organs was on the trail.

 

"I decided on a subtle approach, viz. some form of disguise, as the old helmet

and boots are a bit of a giveaway. Luckily my years with Bristol Rep. stood me

in good stead, as I assumed a bewildering variety of disguises. I tracked them

to Cardiff, posing as the Reverend Smiler Egret. Hearing they'd gone back to

London, I assumed the identity of a pork butcher, Brian Stoats. On my arrival

in London, I discovered they had returned to Cardiff, I followed as Gloucester

from _King Lear_. Acting on a hunch I spent several months in Buenos Aires as

Blind Pew, returning through the Panama Canal as Ratty, in _Toad of Toad Hall_.

Back in Cardiff, I relived my triumph as Sancho Panza in _Man of la Mancha_

which the "Bristol Evening Post" described as 'a glittering performance of rare

perception', although the "Bath Chronicle" was less than enthusiastic. In fact

it gave me a right panning. I quote: 'as for the performance of

Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs as Sancho Panza, the audience were

bemused by his high-pitched Welsh accent and intimidated by his abusive

ad-libs.' The "Western Daily News" said: 'Sancho Panza (Mr Organs) spoilt an

otherwise impeccably choreographed rape scene by his unscheduled appearance and

persistent cries of "What's all this then?"'"

Against this kind of opposition for the Piranha Brothers the end

was inevitable.

 

THE END

[the max 0]

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, fuck off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

 

 

 

Wise man: We were led by a star.

Brian's mother: Led by a bottle, you mean.

[godthedog 0]

The Story of the Piranha Brothers.

 

 

Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers,

Doug and Dinsdale, after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal

history, were sentenced to 400 years imprisonment for crimes of violence. We

examined the rise to power of the Piranhas, the methods they used to subjugate

rival gangs and their subsequent tracking down and capture by the brilliant

Superintendent Harry 'Snapper' Organs of Q Division.

 

Doug and Dinsdale Piranha were born, on probation, in a small house in Kipling

Road, Southwark, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen. Their father Arthur

Piranha, a scrap metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police,

and a devout Catholic. In 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming

East End boxer. Doug was born in February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later;

and again a week after that. Someone who remembers them well was their next

door neighbour, Mrs April Simnel.

 

"Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical East End Street, people were in and out of

each other's houses with each other's property all day. They were a cheery

lot. Cheerful and violent. Doug was keen on boxing, but when he learned to

walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that.

His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his

little boot in he'd be, bless him. All the kids were like that then, they

didn't have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism."

 

At the age of fifteen Doug and Dinsdale started attending the Ernest Pythagoras

Primary School in Clerkenwell. When the Piranhas left school they were called

up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National

Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their

country, they began to operate what they called 'The Operation'... They would

select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called

protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the

called 'The Other Operation'. In this racket they selected another victim and

threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them. One month later they hit

upon 'The Other Other Operation'. In this the victim was threatened that if he

didn't pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the

turning point.

 

Doug and Dinsdale Piranha now formed a gang, which the called 'The Gang' and

used terror to take over night clubs, billiard halls, gaming casinos and race

tracks. When they tried to take over the MCC they were for the only time in

their lives, slit up a treat. As their empire spread however, Q Division were

keeping tabs on their every move by reading the colour supplements.

 

One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince

Snetterton-Lewis.

 

"Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the

hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's

boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word

with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape

round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with

Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man

they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and

Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me

nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my

name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the

floor."

 

Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O' Tracy.

 

Rogers: I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother

flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Rogers: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to

the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Rogers: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do,

be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Rogers: What had you done?

Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was

the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he

didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He

wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.

Rogers: And you don't bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Rogers: I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table.

Isn't that true Mrs O' Tracy?

Mrs O' Tracy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Stig: Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair.

 

Vince Snetterton-Lewis agreed with this judgement.

 

Yes, definitely he was fair. After he nailed me head to the table, I used to

go round every Sunday lunchtime to his flat and apologise, and then we'd shake

hands and he'd nail me head to the floor. He was very reasonable. Once, one

Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very

much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to

a cake stand."

 

Clearly Dinsdale inspired tremendous fear among his business associates. But

what was he really like?

 

Gloria Pules knew him intimately.

 

"I walked out with Dinsdale on many occasions and found him a charming and

erudite companion. He was wont to introduce one to eminent celebrities,

celebrated American singers, members of the aristocracy and other gang leaders,

who he had met through his work for charities. He took a warm interest in

Boys' Clubs, Sailors' Homes, Choristers' Associations and the Grenadier Guards.

"Mind you there was nothing unusual about him. I should say not. Except, that

Dinsdale was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he

referred to as 'Spiny Norman'. Normally Spiny Norman was wont to be about

twelve feet from snout to tail, but when Dinsdale was depressed Norman could be

anything up to eight hundred yards long. When Norman was about Dinsdale would

go very quiet and start wobbling and his nose would swell up and his teeth

would move about and he'd get very violent and claim that he'd laid Stanley

Baldwin."

 

Rogers: "Did it worry you that he, for example, stitched people's legs

together?"

 

Gloria: "Well it's better than bottling it up isn't it. He was a gentleman,

Dinsdale, and what's more he knew how to treat a female impersonator."

 

But what do the criminologists think? We asked The Amazing Kargol and Janet:

 

"It is easy for us to judge Dinsdale Piranha too harshly. After all he only

did what many of us simply dream of doing... I'm sorry. After all we should

remember that a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Dinsdale was a

looney, but he was a happy looney. Lucky bugger."

 

Most of the strange tales concern Dinsdale, but what about Doug? One man who

met him was Luigi Vercotti.

 

"I had been running a successful escort agency -- high class, no really, high

class girls -- we didn't have any of *that* -- that was right out. So I

decided to open a high class night club for the gentry at Biggleswade with

International cuisine and cooking and top line acts, and not a cheap clip joint

for picking up tarts -- that was right out, I deny that completely --, and one

evening in walks Dinsdale with a couple of big lads, one of whom was carrying a

tactical nuclear missile. They said I had bought one of their fruit machines

and would I pay for it? They wanted three quarters of a million pounds. I

thought about it and decided not to go to the Police as I had noticed that the

lad with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area. So a

week later they called again and told me the cheque had bounced and said... I

had to see... Doug.

Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of Doug. I've seen grown men

pull their own heads off rather than see Doug. Even Dinsdale was frightened of

Doug. He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor,

bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious."

 

In this way, by a combination of violence and sarcasm, the Piranha brothers by

February 1966 controlled London and the Southeast of England. It was in

February, though, that Dinsdale made a big mistake.

 

Latterly Dinsdale had become increasingly worried about Spiny Norman. He had

come to the conclusion that Norman slept in an aeroplane hangar at Luton

Airport. And so on Feb 22nd 1966, Dinsdale blew up Luton.

 

Even the police began to sit up and take notice. The Piranhas realised they

had gone too far and that the hunt was on. They went into hiding. But it was

too late. Harry 'Snapper' Organs was on the trail.

 

"I decided on a subtle approach, viz. some form of disguise, as the old helmet

and boots are a bit of a giveaway. Luckily my years with Bristol Rep. stood me

in good stead, as I assumed a bewildering variety of disguises. I tracked them

to Cardiff, posing as the Reverend Smiler Egret. Hearing they'd gone back to

London, I assumed the identity of a pork butcher, Brian Stoats. On my arrival

in London, I discovered they had returned to Cardiff, I followed as Gloucester

from _King Lear_. Acting on a hunch I spent several months in Buenos Aires as

Blind Pew, returning through the Panama Canal as Ratty, in _Toad of Toad Hall_.

Back in Cardiff, I relived my triumph as Sancho Panza in _Man of la Mancha_

which the "Bristol Evening Post" described as 'a glittering performance of rare

perception', although the "Bath Chronicle" was less than enthusiastic. In fact

it gave me a right panning. I quote: 'as for the performance of

Superintendent Harry "Snapper" Organs as Sancho Panza, the audience were

bemused by his high-pitched Welsh accent and intimidated by his abusive

ad-libs.' The "Western Daily News" said: 'Sancho Panza (Mr Organs) spoilt an

otherwise impeccably choreographed rape scene by his unscheduled appearance and

persistent cries of "What's all this then?"'"

Against this kind of opposition for the Piranha Brothers the end

was inevitable.

 

THE END

please tell me you did not do that from memory.

[Guest El Satanico]

'Tis but a flesh wound

 

 

Life of Brian & Holy Grail...I love them equally

[ArkhamGlobe 0]

Favourite Monty Python skits? Man, there are almost too many to mention, but here are a few:

 

The Spanish Inquisition

The Science Fiction skit

Crunchy Frog (You don't even take the bones out? Well if we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy)

The one with the old men discussing the hardships of their childhoods (I had to get up half an hour before I went to bed and eat a cold lump of poison for breakfast...)

[Downhome 0]

Everyone, I bought The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus today at Sams Club for only $88.54, which is a hell of a deal. The entire series, 14 DVDs, and over 24 hours of Python goodness.

 

I haven't seen this show in a good while, and there are plenty episodes that I've never seen period, so this is all going to just be great.

 

Speaking of Life of Brian, my favorite part is a simple exchange that I never hardly see anyone else mention.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Next! Crucifixion?

 

Prisoner I

Yes.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next!

Crucifixion?

 

Prisoner II

Yes.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next!

Crucifixion?

 

Wiseguy

Uh, no, freedom.

 

Jailor I

Uhm?

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

What?

 

Wiseguy

Uh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything. so I could

go free and live on an island somewhere.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Oh, oh, that's jolly good

Well, off you go, then.

 

Wiseguy

No, I'm only pulling your leg. It's crucifixion really.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Oh, oh, I see, very good, very good. Well, out of the door...

 

Wiseguy

Yeah, I know the way, out of the door, one cross each, line on

the left.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

...line on the left, yes, thank you. Crucifixion?

 

Prisoner IV

Yes.

 

Crucifixion Supervisor

Good.

 

To make this thread more bump worthy though, I'll toss this one out there. How would you rank all of the sketch comedy shows that we've seen over the years? Python, SCTV, KITH, SNL (I guess break SNL down by cast or whatever.), etc...

[BlackFlagg 0]

Everyone, I bought The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus today at Sams Club for only $88.54, which is a hell of a deal.

Holy crap that's a great deal, I always saw it at Best Buy but it was like $150....no Sams Clubs around here though, blah..

[Ravenbomb 0]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Funniest movie ever

[spiny norman 0]

I came in here to say Life Of Brian. I see I have already said that. But I'll just reiterate it anyway.

[Mystery Eskimo 0]

Mr Creosote owns all.

 

But from Brian-

 

"He's ascended! He's ascended!....oh no, he's over there"

[Cheex Incarnate 0]

Four words:

 

"It's only wafer thin..."

 

-cheex

[BrokenTiger 0]

Life of Brian.

 

...the 'Biggus Dickus' scene and the 'emperor's address' scene', both featuring my fav phython member Michael Palin.

 

"...people of Jewusalem! Wome is your fwiend!"

[Guest thebigjig]

The funniest joke in the world sketch is my absolute favorite!

 

Its about the allies and the Nazis racing to find the worlds deadliest joke, a joke so funny that as soon as you hear it, you die laughing... literally.

 

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

[DMann2003 0]

It's Bicycle Repair-Man!

[Guest Aecas]

Too many to list.

 

I just wish we could get that 14 disc set over here in Britain. You'd think that being as the bloody program ORIGINATED from here we'd have it but noooo...

 

Here's hoping lads

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

I've never actually seen a full Flying Circus episode, but I have seen the Joke of Death skit and it was brilliant.

[redbaron29 0]

I thought most of The Flying Circus was brillant...Movie was I would have to go with The Holy Grail. Best sketch of all time would have to be....

 

 

*I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

 

[JARRING CHORD]

 

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I've never actually seen a full Flying Circus episode, but I have seen the Joke of Death skit and it was brilliant.

It's the best show ever. Seriously.

[Vanhalen 0]

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.

Man (to Waitress): Morning!

Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...

Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay

sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines

garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Eewwww!

Wife: What do you mean 'Eewwww'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't

have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!