CanadianChris 0 Report post Posted December 14, 2003 What happened to the big update? Maybe she dumped him and he killed himself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mandarin 0 Report post Posted December 14, 2003 What happened to the big update? Maybe she dumped him and he killed himself. Nothing beats a happy ending. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted December 17, 2003 (edited) So Sorry for the very belated update. I've been swamped in FINALS, FINALS and MORE FINALS (six in all) that I haven't even had time to breathe. Anyway, we went out on our second date this past Saturday. We decided to meet up at a local hangout that includes a Barnes And Noble, a multiplex and a few trendy restaurants. We agreed to have dinner at the Olive Garden (I suggested Chilis, but she wanted Olive Garden). After a two hour wait, we are finally led to our little, quaint table. I had the Alfredo Fetuccini and she had something that resembled spaghetti and meatballs. I even had the honor of cleaning off her plate when she couldn't finish her meal. Subsequently, we hung out at Barnes and Noble and read the latest People, US Weekly and Entertainment Weekly magazines. One important thing, in particular, happened here. As I got up out of my chair (we were sitting next to each other) to scour the magazine stand, I saw a 250-pound football player, presumably from the local high school or JC, start hitting on her. I overheard him saying shit like, "Hey baby, you're fucking fine...how about you and I get together some time?" He continued hitting on her while he sat in MY CHAIR! I casually found a magazine and strolled back to my chair. I politely told the guy that "this is my seat." He looked at me and said, "Fuck off...can't you see I'M sitting here now...go find another chair you fucking loser!" I rebut with, "Well, sir...this is my chair, this is my girlfriend whom you're speaking to, and this is my fist." I literally shit my pants when I said that, because I would've never and I mean never said anything remotely close to that in the past. I suppose LOVE makes people do crazy things. Natalie's eyes gleamed the second I said that, too. At this moment, the guy stood up, pushed me, and said, "I'll fucking tear you apart, fuckface." I motioned to Natalie to get up and said, "You're not worth it, pal...unlike you, I have a little dignity and respect...Barnes and Noble is a silent place, kinda like a library...hell, it is a library except you actually pay for the books; the people here are trying to read in a peaceful atmosphere...if I tried to kick your ass, there would be a loud ruckus, probably involving the devestation of my skull, but you see, it's not the obliteration of my skull that I'm worried about -- I'm a man, I can fucking take it -- it's the loud noise that it would make. It would disturb a bunch of good, everyday-workin' people who come here to take a fucking break from their boring lives. I don't want to break little Jimmy's train of thought (point to some random kid) just as he's about to get to the best part in the latest Harry Potter book" Mind you, I was trembling the whole time, and yes, I'm crazy, because I still don't know what the fuck I was trying to say. Ironically, it worked because the football dude didn't have an answer. I guess it was too much for his pea brain to handle. As Natalie and I are about to exit Barnes and Noble, I go up to the Sports Newstand and throw a bunch of random magazines on the floor. Thereafter, I furtively walk up to the manager and point at the burly football and say, "That man over there is making a mess over there, and every time someone tried to tell him something, he would cuss them out...I can't believe the lack of respect he has for Barnes and Noble products...this is a shame." Don't worry, I said it seriously enough, prompting the manager to gather a few security guards in the vicinity and approach the burly football player who was incredulous. Fucking hilarious. At approximately 11:10 PM, I dropped Natalie off at her home, kissed her goodnight, and asked her out for this upcoming Friday to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, BAYBEE!! Edited December 17, 2003 by rawmvp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanadianChris 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 ...and at this point in the story, rawmp suffered a severe head trauma. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Ugh, I think you just ruined your entire story with that. I don't think I've read a more unbelievable thing than that. That speech was way too nice for someone practically shitting in their pants, and I doubt the football player just stood there, listened to the whole thing, and gave thought to your comments while the other customers pretended as if nothing is wrong. I'm not saying your situation is fake. But that story really made it seem just a whole lot less easy to believe, because it's like any other corny, unreal plot that's been seen on a TV show. And personally.... "I don't want to break little Jimmy's train of thought (point to some random kid) just as he's about to get to the best part in the latest Harry Potter book" seems like the worst line I've ever read. You probably should have been punched really hard for that one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanadianChris 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Remember when we were all thinking this story just read like bad romantic fiction? Well, I think we've crossed the line into pure bullshit. I mean, this stuff ASPIRES to be bad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted December 17, 2003 I was so nervous upon confronting the football dude there must have been neurons firing all over the place in my brain. I literally said the first thoughts that came to my head. I know it seems weird (Natalie even thought it was weird, but thanked me for standing up) but I was trying to say something strong, but at the same time, kiss the guy's ass, and at the same time appear courageous, if not mentally retarded. Her parents won't be home this Sunday (Christmas party) so I think I might be gettin' some!!! Natalie alluded to this fact during our date. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Well, when I read it before, you had only finished your speech to the football player, and it wasn't completely updated. Now that it's finished, it has become - if possible - a little more unbelievable. Not to be rude or anything, but you must sound like the biggest tool to your "girlfriend." (Assuming this is true)Giving some ridiculous speech to the player, then going over and giving some stupid complaint to the Barnes and Noble guy - something that would be dismissed in 2 minutes, because it had so many holes.....you're not exactly working magic over here. At one point, your story was good, and it was kind of nice that you got the girl. But, now it sounds like a pile of bullshit. If it's not, then that may be even worse, because of how bad it actually sounds... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Her parents won't be home this Sunday (Christmas party) so I think I might be gettin' some!!! Natalie alluded to this fact during our date. Jesus Christ. If you cried in the middle of a kiss, what the hell are you going to do during sex? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted December 17, 2003 (edited) Do you think I'm making this shit up? You can't make THAT shit up. Have you ever, in full detail, examined events or moments in your life? You'll find, too, that certain things just don't jive with an objective perspective, if you know what I mean. You had to be there to understand or at least SLIGHTLY understand what the hell I was doing. I'm not a small guy, either. I'm 5'11" and weigh 182 lbs, so I'm no pushover. I just wasn't going to take shit from the football player; however, I didn't want to put myself in harms way, either. My reply to him, if you will, was a copout because I really didn't assert one thing or another; I kinda pulled back, pushed forward, and probably contradicted myself a few times. I guess it was my best way of standing up for myself and for my girl. Suffice to say, this date went down the shitter, so, hopefully, I'll redeem myself with back-to-back knockouts on Friday and Sunday. Edited December 17, 2003 by rawmvp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Not to be rude or anything, but you must sound like the biggest tool to your "girlfriend." (Assuming this is true) I was thinking the same thing. I still fail to believe this horseshit. This has now gotten 100% worse than any shitty ass romance novel. And who the fuck goes to Barnes and Noble on a "date"? You lead a very dull and pathetic life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Technically, the date ended after having dinner at the Olive Garden. We just decided to hang out for a couple of hours and read magazines at Barnes and Noble. And why are you guys comparing this to works of fiction? I'm not trying to be creative; I'm just reporting the events that happened in real life. With that said, Sunday's date should be phenomenal, because I have a whole bag of tricks up my sleeve, one of which includes sourcream. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Her parents won't be home this Sunday (Christmas party) so I think I might be gettin' some!!! Natalie alluded to this fact during our date. Yea, get her into bed, that's the way. Balls to all that meaninful relationship stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Well for starters, the whole "she was abused" story, followed by the "tears when we kissed" and now the "telling off the big scary football player that was hitting on her by giving him a lengthy speech". Not to mention the fact that you are hyping each one of your dates like it's next week's main event. That's why we compare your shit to fiction. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 With that said, Sunday's date should be phenomenal, because I have a whole bag of tricks up my sleeve, one of which includes sourcream. "And then, I took her to Wendy's for a nice, leisurely lunch. She requested a baked potato with her cheeseburger, but they would only give her french fries. I told the woman at the counter "Excuse me ma'am, but all we want to do is have a delightful lunch at this fine establishment. You're disrupting the people on the line behind me, and do you really want the young man sitting over there eating a chicken sandwich to be interrupted by my arguments? I just suggest you give her the baked potato and we'll be on our way. Thank you very much for your time and cooperation." I nearly shit my pants doing this, but you do crazy things in love. Finally, she got the baked potato. We went to our table and I smeared sour cream all over the potato. The lily white cream and the crisp green chives came together with the solitary brown vegetable and, seriously, it brought tears came to my eyes. I SO can't wait until our next date!!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Anyway, I got her into bed, and I took out my wang. It was soft, but still massive. Her eyes were widening, but she looked away. "I'm sorry RAWMVP I cannot do it" *Loud drum fill, then music*" "Why not baby" *slicks back hair* "Cos I love that football dude you scared off" Right that second I got out the bed. Keep in mind, my cock was still free and I have cream around my lips. I dragged her with me into my car and drove to the football's guy's house. I got out, got on the mic and called his ass out. After putting on new underwear I punched him twice on the LIPS. My girlfriend said she got wet and then we fucked RIGHT THERE ON HIS LAWN. He woke up just in time for me to shoot cream all over her face. She said she orgasmed and then I read Harry Potter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Then he takes are home and thanks her for a great evening. Then she asks him up to her room and he is getting ready to score but he prematurely ejaculates when he sees her bra strap. Then when she removes her pants he starts getting teary-eyed with all this emotion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted December 17, 2003 Good one, guys. I'm literally IN TEARS reading this stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jay Z. Hollywood Report post Posted December 17, 2003 I seriously hope this never ends, this is one of the most entertaining threads in months, on multiple levels. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted December 17, 2003 With that said, Sunday's date should be phenomenal, because I have a whole bag of tricks up my sleeve, one of which includes sourcream. "And then, I took her to Wendy's for a nice, leisurely lunch. She requested a baked potato with her cheeseburger, but they would only give her french fries. I told the woman at the counter "Excuse me ma'am, but all we want to do is have a delightful lunch at this fine establishment. You're disrupting the people on the line behind me, and do you really want the young man sitting over there eating a chicken sandwich to be interrupted by my arguments? I just suggest you give her the baked potato and we'll be on our way. Thank you very much for your time and cooperation." I nearly shit my pants doing this, but you do crazy things in love. Finally, she got the baked potato. We went to our table and I smeared sour cream all over the potato. The lily white cream and the crisp green chives came together with the solitary brown vegetable and, seriously, it brought tears came to my eyes. I SO can't wait until our next date!!" Holy shit that may be the funniest thing I ever read. But umm maybe he's just using a lot of poetic license here? Maybe.... God I hope so Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted December 17, 2003 "I met her at her doorstep, and she took me into her Slavic palace of love. Her only words were 'In Russia, women fuck you,' and we began our dance of passion, from the basement all the way to the roof. We made love in every room of the house, and I waxed philisophical in my mind at my good fortune as I did her from behind at how difficult the road here had been, a road fraught with the perils of neurosis, culture gaps, football players, and fettucine. A tear came to my eye and rolled down my cheek to land directly on her anus, which made her subtly jolt for a moment. She motioned for me to change my mode of entrance and to start coming in the backdoor. Nary a word was spoken since I had entered the house, yet I discovered a whole new world. I had become... a man." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 And who the fuck goes to Barnes and Noble on a "date"? People who read. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2003 I read, but I've never and will never go on a date at Barnes and Noble. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrRant 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2003 I've been to B&N on a date. Usually because we are out just doing stuff. I don't go to B&N specifically for the date. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2003 Bah, Dusty finish. ****3/4 TOTYC Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted December 18, 2003 I can picture that thing with the kid in my head........it reminds me of 2 months ago.........but she was the one hitting me in the face. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2003 I'm shocked that AoO's masterful post was ignored, that had me on the floor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EricMM 0 Report post Posted December 18, 2003 What more could be said? AoO said it all, really... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted December 18, 2003 I'm shocked that AoO's masterful post was ignored, that had me on the floor. That means it made him ejaculate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
