Explain THIS TO ME

[CanadianChris 0]

The real question here is...

 

How does this thread stack up against the "Next Saturday" thread?

[Murmuring Beast 0]

This is better than Next Saturday because the guy told a great story that had everyone gripped. Next Saturday centered around one post, this had many memorable ones.

 

Classic please.

[Kinetic 0]

I'm really disappointed to have just discovered this thread today.

[MrRant 0]

Your touch could have been used.

[Kinetic 0]

It's just that somewhere along the line I really fell in love with them as a couple. The lengthy, needlessly protracted courting process; the tearful confessions of attraction; the spirited make-out session in his conveniently broken-down car; the fact that she's Ukranian; the ridiculous confrontation with the football player in Barnes & Noble...it just really hit me where it counts, y'know?

[Damaramu 0]

God damn I'm coming back to this late. This is just some funny shit. I mean.......you expect us to believe that? You said "I can't make this shit up." Umm.........what? I could've made that up! Seriously the promo you cut on the football player sounds like something Vince Russo wrote. This post deserves this:

 

[CanadianChris 0]

And this, of course:

 

[Damaramu 0]

We have to wonder though.......did any of these supposed events actually happen in some form and he's just making the story more fantastic than it actually is, you know like taking actual events and putting his own spin on it? So is this story just "Based on a True Story"???

Or is he just some lonely guy sitting in front of his computer in his bathrobe and boxer shorts making it up. Dude.........write romance novels....just don't say "fuck" every other word.

[Guest stardust]

Romance novels are actually much more believable than this thread.

[Guest rawmvp]

Well, this weekend was just awesome.

 

Let's start with Friday. As usual, I picked her up around 6 PM from her home and took her to see Lord of The Rings: Return of The King. As we got to the multiplex, we stood in this really long line to get our tickets. While we were standing, I held her as tightly as I could every time a breeze of ice cold wind would sweep through. With my arm around her shoulder and with a wad of Bubbilicious gum (cherry flavor) in my mouth, I felt like the paradigm of excellence. Natalie was looking exceptionally beautiful, too. With her light brown hair cascading in the cold wind and her luminous eyes, accentuated by purple eyeliner and tight-fitted blue jeans with tassels hanging off them, and my world-renowned leather jacket and black jeans, we had the attention of every adolesecent and adult there. We would play to the curiosity of each and every individual by whispering sweet nothings and kissing each others' necks (hey, we had to do SOMETHING to squander time as we waited in line). After paying 19 bucks (I paid, of course), we strolled inside the complex. Before deciding to buy some popcorn, refreshments, and candy, however, Natalie licked my ear and whispered something that I found incredibly delectable. She grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. The only problem: it was the women's restroom. I hesitated a bit and she squeezed my ass, which of course, allayed any fears I may have had. She led me to a stall, closed the door, and swooped upon me like an eagle getting ready to pounce upon a snake. With unbridled ferocity and vigor, she planted her sultry lips on mine as we engaged in a make-out fest of gargantuan proportions. Ruckuses, pandemonium, and commotion ensued as I slammed her into the stall door only to have her use her weight to push me back against the toilet seat. We jostled back and forth for 7-8 minutes; the kissing was intense and almost overwhelming, yet sensually titillating. At one point, a rotund, middle-aged woman said, "Honey, relax, the harder you push the worse off you're gonna be...take your time." At this point, the both of us just lost it and laughed as we pushed open the stall door and emerged hand in hand to the woman's astonishment. I, too, noticed smeared lipstick all over my face as I glanced at the mirror. As we stood in line to buy one large popcorn and a large soft drink (with two straws!), I could see people pointing and laughing at me, but, hey, I wore that lipstick like a badge of honor. I gloated, vaunted, and flaunted something most guys can only dream of having.

 

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King was a great film, too. Because we were so emotionally enthralled by the film, we didn't talk much, though we did look into each others eyes and smile quite a bit. Man, if only you could see her eyes -- they're light green and very pure. I want to die in her arms every time I peer into them. Every time the dragons shrieked or any time something even remotely scary occured, she'd cuddle even tighter, which was really cool. Towards the end, we giggled and continued to cuddle after every false ending. We both agreed that the movie was wonderful, if not twenty minutes too long. As we exited the multiplex, we walked to the parking lot and entered my car as a group of unruly teenagers started to approach us with sly grins on their faces. At this moment, Natalie gripped my hand as hard as she could. Thankfully, however, it was a false alarm. As we were riding in my car, we couldn't stop talking about the film (she's a HUGE Matrix and Lord of the Rings fanatic); at one point, I ran a red light because my eyes were directed at her and not the road. Out of nowhere and I mean NOWHERE, I hear these loud sirens and see a cop car behind me. Natalie giggles and I pout, as I park the car against the side of the road. The cop comes to my window, flashes a light in my eyes and politely asks me to get out of my vehicle. I oblige, and a few seconds later, I'm subjected to a sobriety test. I'm coerced to walk in a straight line with my arms stretched out, say my ABC's, and touch my nose with my eyes closed. Suffice to say, I passed all of them with flying colors. During all this, Natalie was laughing extremely hard. She was having the time of my life; and, hearing her angelic laugh actually made the experience worthwhile to some degree (as unnecessary as it was). Also, every time the cop went back to his car to check my background (presumably), Natalie would turn my chin and plant a big wet one every time the officer wasn't looking.

 

Anyway, after being dismissed, I start driving, again. Thirty seconds later, it starts pouring (it was already drizzling before) and I forget how to turn the windshield wipers on. I was so distracted by Natalie that I had forgotten how to do routine stuff. As I park my car against her sidewalk, I pull the brake stick up and try to pull the key out of the ignition. I start struggling really hard -- looking like an utter baffoon in the process -- and Natalie continues to giggle her ass off. I ask, "what is it?" and she replies, "Umm..you forgot to put it in PARK." Abashedly, I put the car in PARK and quip, "Oh, I knew that!" I accompany her to her door, and with water in my hair, face, and clothes, I hug her with all my might and french kiss her like it might be the last time and say, "See you tomorrow."

 

I'll write about the soon-to-be classic date on Saturday tomorrow.

Edited December 22, 2003 by rawmvp

[MrRant 0]

The only thing that would make this story better would be if one of you are stricken with cancer but somehow your love overcomes it and you grow stronger in your love for each other.

 

Of course at this point you need to do all this in a weeks time.

[Guest rawmvp]

So you're saying my date was pretty good, eh? If you think Friday night's date was good, wait for my play by play of what happened on Saturday!

 

I've got a lot of stuff to write, which is why I'm waiting to write it tomorrow.

 

Until tomorrow's post...I'm off to bed.

[Art Sandusky 0]

The last one was a bit more believeable, but I could seriously do without the long-windedness of it. I can almost see Mick Foley (thanks to that avatar of yours) looking in a Thesaurus as he's posting.

[chaosrage 0]

 

Nobody has this much drama every single day of their lives. Or maybe it's just the way you write, I dunno. I think you stole that bathroom story from Austin Powers.

 

I still want a pic of the two of you. Hold up a sign that says smartmarks.

Edited December 22, 2003 by chaosrage

[Kinetic 0]

Why can't I ever engage in a makeout session of gargantuan proportions? Why doesn't a vortex-eyed Ukranian cutie ever pounce on me with unbridled ferocity and vigor?

 

Some guys have all the luck.

[MrRant 0]

Perhaps instead of Subway you should hit a nice Greek place.

[Kinetic 0]

As it turns out, my whole restaurants-are-the-ideal-spot-for-picking-up-girls theory was way off. Unless they serve beer.

[MrRant 0]

Have you tried bus stations?

 

Perhaps the local Farmer's Market?

 

I hear hanging around an animal shelter nets you some great pussy as well.

[CanadianChris 0]

I'll write about the soon-to-be classic date on Saturday tomorrow.

Oh, this is classic, all right...just not in the way I think you intended.

 

Remind me not to read this thread again while I'm at work. :lol: :lol:

[Damaramu 0]

 

After reading that this has to be brought up again.

 

That story was some of the worst BS that I've ever read.........actually all of it is! I figured you started out really liking this girl and then made a post about it. Once you noticed you had everyone's attention you started to take creative liscense and then just started making shit up.

First of all........I'm so sure you had everyone captivated. Because you know when I got to the movies I stare at 16 year old couples and think "Man.......what a great couple. I wonder what they're thinking." Hell no. Plus the description......jesus christ man.......romance novels have less of that fluff. And that's all it was was fluff. Then the bathroom makeout.......umm........umm........dammit I already used the BS meter. And then a mob of unruly teenagers? Were you going to fight them and then in insuing battle you accidentally kill her and her brother vows revenge on you....so you're torn b/c the woman you love is dead yet her brother is after you(yes i stole this from the Rurouni Kenshin OAV's)???? Keep fighting ninja man!

 

Seriously dude........write a book. Because that's where this would all fit. This isn't a real life story......I would say until we find some pictorial proof but I'm afraid you'll post a picture of you and your cousin and say it's you 2.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

As this all goes on, I increasingly hope, for the sake of humanity, that someone gets hit with a shovel.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

Vodka......lots of Vodka

[Guest stardust]

I read the first two sentences of that and thought "I can't read any more of this."

[Damaramu 0]

Anybody expect rawmvp to make a big post going "I fooled you all! You all bought it!"

and we're just like "Umm........we told you you were and idiot when you said it." then he'd say "Oh way to go back on it! You all believed me."

[CanadianChris 0]

Only if he was shooting for the Biggest Tool In Recorded History award.

[Spicy McHaggis 0]

"With unbridled ferocity and vigor, she planted her sultry lips on mine as we engaged in a make-out fest of gargantuan proportions."

 

Sentence of the Thread nomination.

[Damaramu 0]

Oh Spicy......I'm sure he'll produce something else equally stupid.

I'm waiting till she rips his shirt off in passion and he holds her in his rippling guns.

[CanadianChris 0]

We need a pool on when the first breast/genitalia euphemism will be used. And, more importantly, exactly what said euphemism will be.

[2GOLD 0]

Is this his letter to Penthouse?

 

Cause it needs more aliens and cows and talking fish.

[Kinetic 0]

We need a pool on when the first breast/genitalia euphemism will be used. And, more importantly, exactly what said euphemism will be.

Before the end of January, and "delectable, glistening mound(s)."