If you were the commish

[LaParkaMarka 0]

New PAT rule: Instead of the extra point, you now get a choice. Go for two, or dance. You don't have to dance well, just dance. IF YOU DON'T DANCE, YOU ARE NOT REWARDED AN EXTRA POINT. I can't stress this enough.

By far the best rule suggested.

[Guest Redhawk]

Does the player who scored have to dance, or can anyone on the team fill in? Because I don't know if I want to see guys like Brett Favre or Jay Fiedler dancing, and I KNOW I don't want to see Warren Sapp dancing anymore.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

the player who scored has to dance. He can dance with teammates, if he chooses.

[Gert T 0]

I too support ther dancing rule.

 

In hockey, part of me would like to eliminate a point for ties. It just seems like teams are playing too conservative with about 10 minutes left in the game and look like they are just playing to get into OT so they get at least a point.

[The Czech Republic 0]

In hockey, part of me would like to eliminate a point for ties. It just seems like teams are playing too conservative with about 10 minutes left in the game and look like they are just playing to get into OT so they get at least a point.

That's not a problem, the problem is the overtime loss point, when there's no incentive to win once you've tied in regulation. A loss is a loss, and four columns in the standings are ridiculous.

[Gert T 0]

True, that is a good point, you can really tell in some teams sputtering in neutral until OT.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

I don't follow hockey closely, but they really should get rid of that overtime loss. I look at a team's record and I'll see something like 20-18-5-6. WTF is that? If I can't make a percentage out of it, I don't like it.

[The Czech Republic 0]

I propose this:

 

-60 minute regulation

-10 minute overtime

-shootout

 

Whether there's a SOL (*bleat!*) column or not in lieu of ties, whatever works for you, the reader. I sort of feel that a loss is a loss, that way you can measure games back like in baseball and basketball.

[Some Guy 0]

Al, the commercial breaks are pretty short as it is for non-ESPN or Fox games. The pitcher does have to get his arm loose again.

 

Not for as long as the breaks are. Although my main beef is with unending commercial breaks after every pitching change. This is especially bothersome when a manager becomes obsessed with the platoon advantage.

 

I agree with the breaks during pitchign changes to a degree, but do you realy want to watch a guy warm up?

 

I know it's unpopular and impossible, but I'd dump 10 teams and have 2 divsions in each league, a 5 game CS and a 7 game WS.

 

First off, you kill your business in ten markets. I can not imagine any successful business closing shops when they draw real business. Also, I disagree with the 5 game Championship series. Baseball is such a random sport that it needs long playoff series to determine a real winner.

 

I did say it was unpopular and impossible. But I still feel it would provide the best possible play on the field. Less bad pitchers filling out a roster equals better games. The 5 game idea was to shortent he season a little. Playing in Novememer in the north is not pleasent especially when the games start at 8:30 pm EST.

 

But since it isn't possible. I'd reduce the schedule back to 154 games, it's still fucking cold in Boston and many other places. This would allow the season to start a few days later.

 

On one hand, no sympathy for travel days, but on the other hand, sympathy for 40 degree weather? How about this compromise. Keep the 162 game season, and start it slightly later by scheduling doubleheaders.

 

The player's union would never go for scheduled double headers. If they won't let one of their members do what he wants with his contract they won't allow them to play twice in a day unless it's necessary due to rain outs or whatever. But I do like the idea of Sunday double heaaders.

 

Salary cap on players salaries. No player can make more than "x" amount. That way teams can still outspend others but the other team knows what the competition can spend. If the salary cap was $15 million a player, Giambi would still be in Oakland and A-Rod in Seatle and so on and so on. using the $15 million number the team max payroll would be $375 mil. Even the Yanks won;'t hit that until at least 2006. This would help certain teams keep their greedy free agents or show the team or the player for what they truly are. If Giambi had identical monetary contracts from both Oak and NYY and still went to NYY then it would prove he didn't want to stay, no money excuses, no "respect" horseshit.

 

First off, free agents are not "greedy." Second, I think Oakland was perfectly happy to let Giambi leave. Third, if NY offers the max, the player will go to NY for the "prestique," and we have the same problem we have now. Baseball didn't have a problem with the Yankees until they tried fixing it. Then it all went to hell.

 

Many free agents are most certainly greedy. Did Keith Foulke sign with Boston for any other reason than money? No, he said so. Did Giambi sign with NYY for any other reason than money? No, unless he is completely lying about loving Oakland. The list goes on. Both those guys were offered very lucrative contracts by their former teams and both jumpoed at the bigger offers from their new teams.

Don't give me the "they have to feed their family" shit either.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

The player's union would never go for scheduled double headers. If they won't let one of their members do what he wants with his contract they won't allow them to play twice in a day unless it's necessary due to rain outs or whatever. But I do like the idea of Sunday double heaaders.

 

I think the owners would object more than the players, due to the loss of revenue. I don't think the players' union would object, since it would be offset by the increase in days off.

 

Many free agents are most certainly greedy. Did Keith Foulke sign with Boston for any other reason than money? No, he said so. Did Giambi sign with NYY for any other reason than money? No, unless he is completely lying about loving Oakland. The list goes on. Both those guys were offered very lucrative contracts by their former teams and both jumpoed at the bigger offers from their new teams.

Don't give me the "they have to feed their family" shit either.

 

Because each and every one of us selects their job based on the best offer possible. Its no different in any other occupation. Why should a free agent select an inferior offer?

[Guest Wildbomb 4:20]

Basketball:

 

1. Institute a true minor league system. One per team. It's really not that hard. It'll definitely be an attempt to clean up the game. Let these high schoolers and everyone else develop into better players. The reason why scoring is down? Because these guys didn't spend enough time developing their shots and range.

By the way, the Celtics minor league team should go into the Mohegan Sun casino. Celts always seem to draw whenever they are there. Foxboro is a shithole with a nice stadium in it.

 

2. Train the referees to know when and how to call a foul. I've seen high school games called better. If the foul happens, call it; don't blow your damn whistle after he takes his shot and it looks like he missed it. That is bullshit at it's best.

 

 

Hockey:

 

1. Change the points system. Two points for a win, one for a loss, one for a tie. That's it. If you lose in OT, tough shit. Get over it.

 

2. Overtime rules change. Ten minute OT periods. No more 5:00 shit. 4-on-4 is here to stay, though. If there is a tie after the ten minute OT period, then we move into Golden Goal shootout style. If one scores, other misses, game over. Thank you.

 

3. Soft salary cap.

 

4. Salary floor.

 

5. Reduce goalie equipment sizes down slightly more, and then be sure to enforce it.

 

6. Get rid of the red line.

 

7. Touch-up offsides.

 

8. Actually call interference for a change.

 

 

Baseball:

 

1. Hard salary floor, soft salary cap. Lets the Yankees continue to spend the money way out the window if they care to (also see: Red Sox, Cubs, Dodgers), while making Selig open his damned wallet.

 

2. Commissioner may not be a current owner of a team.

 

3. Mandatory public steroid testing results.

 

4. Reduce the number of games to 154, extend wild-card round of playoffs to 7 games.

 

 

Football:

 

1. Leaping? What the fuck is that? If it ain't ever been called before, and next to nobody knows what the hell it is, DON'T CALL IT.

 

2. Get over it. Celebrations are here. They're annoying as fuck, but they don't deserve a penalty.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

1. Institute a true minor league system. One per team. It's really not that hard. It'll definitely be an attempt to clean up the game. Let these high schoolers and everyone else develop into better players. The reason why scoring is down? Because these guys didn't spend enough time developing their shots and range.

 

Playing devil's advocate here. If a minor league system was developed, couldn't that kill the college game? Players would pick a paying job over college, and the league would use younger players because its more effective to use the league to develop future stars. In addition, as prospective players enter the NBA minor league instead of college, you get more uneducated players.

[The Czech Republic 0]

Hockey:

 

1. Change the points system. Two points for a win, one for a loss, one for a tie. That's it. If you lose in OT, tough shit. Get over it.

 

2. Overtime rules change. Ten minute OT periods. No more 5:00 shit. 4-on-4 is here to stay, though. If there is a tie after the ten minute OT period, then we move into Golden Goal shootout style. If one scores, other misses, game over. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

Baseball:

2. Commissioner may not be a current owner of a team.

 

3. Mandatory public steroid testing results.

 

4. Reduce the number of games to 154, extend wild-card round of playoffs to 7 games.

In hockey #1, you missed an 'n' in there, I hope.

 

 

Keep baseball at 162. But if you choose not to make up a game like the Giants did, it goes down as a forfeit loss, not as no game played, because then you get all those half-game behinds in your final season standings. I HATE that!

 

What are you even talking about? Bud Selig doesn't own the Brewers. (stifles laughter)

 

 

Hey by the way, I remember making tentative plans for TSM to buy the Brewers for $100, a handful of beads, and a six-pack of Old Milwaukee...anyone else with me on this? We can move the team to Dames's back yard.

[Some Guy 0]

Many free agents are most certainly greedy. Did Keith Foulke sign with Boston for any other reason than money? No, he said so. Did Giambi sign with NYY for any other reason than money? No, unless he is completely lying about loving Oakland. The list goes on. Both those guys were offered very lucrative contracts by their former teams and both jumpoed at the bigger offers from their new teams.

Don't give me the "they have to feed their family" shit either.

 

Because each and every one of us selects their job based on the best offer possible. Its no different in any other occupation. Why should a free agent select an inferior offer?

Its not leaving for more money that bothers me, hell my team benifits from other's good drafts and relative lack of funds/willingness to spend them. But this disingenous bull shit about it not being about the money or "I have to feed my family" is what really bothers me. That's why I like Foulke, he basically said "I took the best offer (read the most money)" I like honesty. When Giambi signed with NY he gave the stock "The Yankees are the greatest franchise in sports and I feel priveleged to play on the same field as Ruth, Gehrig, etc..." line. While that may have had somethign to do with it the bottomlien is that NY trumped Oakland's offer. Giambi also floated that he would haev taken Oakland's offer if they offered a no trade clause. First of all, Giambi is untradeable for that type of money considering his lack of fielding adn running ability and was lucky that to teams were willing to overpay for him and second of all, if he really wanted to stay in Oakland he could have worked somethign out with them. I'm just using Giambi because i hate him, there are several otehr players who fall into this camp as well.

 

The only exceptions I can think of for "elite" players in recent memory are Griffey, Pettite, Sosa (I think), McGuire, and Tony Gwinn. They realized that being closer to home, being where they're comfortable, whatever is more important than stock piling a few extra million dollars on top of the 50 or so they have in the bank.

[Der Kommissar 0]

I would definitely try to install contracts which would reward a player for exceeding expectations and punish for the player for not living up to his end of the deal. Basically, having a high, base, and low category for salary. The two sides could set up numbers for the statistics that would be the numbers or goals that are expected of the player for the season in question. If he can greatly exceed those expectations, he gets paid a certain % more. By contrast, if he has a TERRIBLE year, he would lose an equal amount from the base of his contract. I figure it would be a good way to reward an excellent performance from a player, while allowing a team the chance to recoup some of the money they spent from a bad contract.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

1. Institute a true minor league system. One per team. It's really not that hard. It'll definitely be an attempt to clean up the game. Let these high schoolers and everyone else develop into better players. The reason why scoring is down? Because these guys didn't spend enough time developing their shots and range.

 

Playing devil's advocate here. If a minor league system was developed, couldn't that kill the college game? Players would pick a paying job over college, and the league would use younger players because its more effective to use the league to develop future stars. In addition, as prospective players enter the NBA minor league instead of college, you get more uneducated players.

I fail to see what's wrong with that

[Red Baron 0]

NFL: No fair catch, dance what you want to dance.

WHY!? That's a good rule.

Go watch a CFL game, no fair catch, three downs, high scoring football, which is more exciting than an NFL game.

[Guest AllCanadian]

Hockey:

 

Definatly no instigator

 

Oversize Bluelines

 

No 2 line passes

 

3 points for a win, 1 tie, 1 OT loss

 

Expand the width of the ice 10 ft(Almost international size but not quite to keep in physical.

 

Mandatory visors for those 22 and under

 

Football

 

LET THEM DANCE!!!

 

Baseball

 

SPEED UP THE FUCKIN GAME!!

[Guest Choken One]

Since no one done it

 

NASCAR

 

NO MORE FUCKING P.C INTERVIEWS. Let Kevin Harvick tear Kurt Busch apart...Let Tony Stewart murder John Andretti for hitting him AGAIN. Force Jimmie Johnson to stop the Jeff Gordon act and get a damn personality.

[geniusMoment 0]

Force Carl Linder out of the game. The only good thing about opening day in Cincy was being at the stadium when they announced Carl Linders name as owner. He was booed. Not just a scattering of hardcore fans either, it was amazing, they announced his name and the entire place ripped him apart. I am talking about Vince McMahon in Montreal November of 1997 type of heat. The best thing was seeing Carl look around as he handed the ball off to the vice president with a pissed off look on his face. Yeah, fuck you Uncle Carl. You give millions to the fucking republican party but you can't give shit to your team, that you did not have to buy. I hope you die soon you piece of shit. I am not joking about that either, I literally hope Uncle Carl dies.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Baseball:

 

1) Fire Racist Dusty.

2) Make Bonds pee in a cup.

 

That's all...

[Gert T 0]

Since no one done it

 

NASCAR

 

NO MORE FUCKING P.C INTERVIEWS. Let Kevin Harvick tear Kurt Busch apart...Let Tony Stewart murder John Andretti for hitting him AGAIN. Force Jimmie Johnson to stop the Jeff Gordon act and get a damn personality.

I tried to do a Nascar one, but he erased it on me and I was too lazy. AMEN though, NASCAR is pussifying their sport with all these threats of big fines. The best example was last week at Bristol. Matt Kenseth and Jamie McMurray's interviews were pointless. These guys are racing over 150 mph's, racing for more money and a place in the points standings, you can't tell me they can't be a little upset when somebody spins them out.

 

I also would get rid of the 5 points for leading a lap. I just think they are pointless points. I also would simplify the points. You finish in 1st place, you get 43 points, second 42 points, etc. The 43rd car gets one point.

[nl5xsk1 0]

NHL: Contraction & relocation (eliminate 4 US teams and put 2 US teams back in Canada) ... eliminate the instigator rule ... add no-touch icing & touch-up offsides ... points only for a win, none for a loss or tie (keep ties for the sake of tiebreakers for the final standings, but don't reward a team for not winning. A tie should be considered no better than losing. And it has to stay at 5 minutes, any longer than that and they'd need to zamboni after the 3rd period) ... diving is an automatic 10 minute major, 3 in a season is a game misconduct ... force Wirtz to sell the Blackhawks

 

MLB: Contraction ... salary cap and salary floor ... no more interleague play ... 2 divisions in each league, no wildcard in the playoffs ... time limit (comparable to a shot clock or play clock) for pitchers and batters ... no more bench clearing brawls, if a pitcher hits/nearly hits a batter after being warned, he's kicked out, and if a batter charges the mound he's kicked out - automatic suspensions for either misconduct

 

NFL: force the networks to be open to changing games mid-season (e.g. no more horrible team vs. horrible team on MNF just because it looked like a good game when the schedules were made. If there's a big game on Fox that Sunday, sorry, but it's going to be on ABC that Monday instead)

 

NCAA Football: no more BCS bullshit, bring on an 8 team playoff

[Dr. Tom 0]

Football:

 

1. Celebrations are allowed and encouraged if the play resulted in a touchdown, turnover, or big gain. Anyone who runs around the field, gyrates, and points at himself after making a routine tackle will be ejected and fined $50,000 per offense. Get the fuck back to the huddle, you showboating jackass.

 

2. Paul Tagliabue will be executed and dumped in the Baltimore Harbor. (actually, this should be #1.)

 

3. The "leaping" rule is scrapped.

 

4. Officials get paid and trained like they have a full-time job.

 

5. If you win the toss in OT, you get the ball on the 25-yard line.

 

6. All artificial turf fields will be replaced with grass. If you think football was meant to be played on thinly-padded concrete, then go fuck off somewhere.

 

7. Any helmet-to-helmet hit will result in ejection from the game and a $100,000 fine. If you injure someone and cause them to miss time as the result of a helmet-to-helmet hit, then you get suspended for as long as that player is out, plus one game, and the fine is $100,000 per suspended game.

 

8. If a coach wins a replay challenge, he retains that challenge. Why penalize someone for being right?

 

9. A 25% discount toward the salary cap for a team retaining its own players when they're free agents.

 

Baseball:

 

1. Salary floor. No salary cap.

 

2. Full revenue sharing based on market size and attendance. If you can't get people to show up and watch your team, then you don't deserve as much revenue-sharing money as someone who can.

 

3. Eliminate interleague play.

 

4. Speed up the game. Enforce the time limit between pitches. If a pitcher is going slow, call a ball; make it a balk with runners on base. If it's the hitter's fault, call a strike. If that was strike three, hurry your ass up next time.

 

5. An actual drug testing policy will be instituted. I couldn't give a shit less if a baseball player is smoking pot, but harder drugs and performance-enhancing drugs will be flagged. The first offense will carry a fine equal to 5% of the player's annual salary. The second offense is a month off without pay, a 10%-of-salary fine, and mandatory rehab. The third offense is a ban without pay for one calendar year, mandatory rehab, and the player must apply for reinstatement.

 

6. A seven-day DL, retroactive to a max of two days.

 

7. The strike zone will be from the knees to the bottom of the chest. Umpires who have trouble calling this strike zone will be fined until they get it right.

 

8. Create an award for Player of the Year in each league. This will be separate from the MVP, and simply go to the player who had the most impressive statistical season. The MVP Award will have its rules changed so that the player has to come from a team with a winning record.

 

9. The commissioner cannot be a current or past owner of any MLB team.

 

10. No more astroturf. If you have a dome, fix it so you can grow grass in it.

 

11. No more body armor for batters.

 

12. Any batter who has any part of his body on or over the plate before the pitch is delivered will be called out.

 

13. Pete Rose will be permanently banned from baseball. An official decree will be issued, call him a "cocksucker," a "lying, worthless piece of shit," and a "waste of sperm and egg."

 

Hockey:

 

1. No more instigator penalty.

 

2. The red line will be kept for decoration only; no more two-line pass offside.

 

3. No-touch icing.

 

4. No more "overtime loss." If you lost, then you lost, and you get no points in the standings for it. In fact, there will be no more ties; see below.

 

5. Any team with a winning percentage below .500 will be ineligible for the playoffs.

 

6. Reduce the size of goalie pads.

 

7. Call penalties for obstruction, interference, holding, etc. Any player who takes a dive to try and get a call is rewarded with a 10-minute misconduct.

 

8. The overtime period will be 10 minutes. If the game is still tied at the end of that period, then the starting five skaters for each team beat the shit out of each other for the win. The team with the most men standing after 90 seconds wins the game.

 

9. Mandatory visors for everyone.

 

Basketball:

 

1. Use the international three-point line.

 

2. Traveling will actually be called. Sorry, six steps on a dunk will be a turnover.

 

Women's Tennis:

 

1. All attractive players will play in Victoria's Secret lingerie. No one watches women's tennis for the actual game.

 

2. All other women's "professional" sports will disband, since no one gives a shit about them.

 

NASCAR:

 

1. Turn right for a fucking change, you goddamn rednecks.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

1. General:

 

Fighting should be allowed and encouraged in all team sports. The other team's 3 pt. shooters are good? Kick them.

 

I basically want sports to finally go the full monty like the Roman colliseum. Use convicts and things in wild ultraviolent combat. now THERE's some competition. Two lifers shanking the shit out of each other on PPV.

[nl5xsk1 0]

3 Questions about the ones from Dr. Tom's list (skipping the ones that I'm guessing are entirely facetious) ...

 

Football, celebrations: (this actually goes out to everyone that's encouraging celebrations) Why the fuck do you all want to see some guy dance just because he scored a touchdown? It's his job. He did his job, and shouldn't need to re-enact A Night at the Roxbury because he did it. If I win a huge account here at work, do I shake my dick for the company to see? No. Save celebrations for game winning TDs or field goals. Not for everytime they do their job successfully.

 

Baseball, drug policy: Who cares if a guy is so coked up that he wants to snort the baselines? If pot is Ok, then why not blow or heroin or acid or anything that's NOT performance enhancing? If you're going to make pot allowable, then everything that won't give them an advantage should be allowable as well.

 

Hockey, ten minute OT: Can you imagine how shitty the ice conditions will be after 30 minutes of play, with no zamboni? (20 minutes of the 3rd period plus the 10 more in OT). Especially when there's a warm weather game in Florida/California/Texas/Arizona. It'd be like watching them play on slush. Thanks, but no thanks.

[The Czech Republic 0]

NHL: Contraction & relocation (eliminate 4 US teams and put 2 US teams back in Canada) ... eliminate the instigator rule ... force Wirtz to sell the Blackhawks

Hurricanes, Coyotes, Predators, and Thrashers sound fair enough. Hell throw out the Panthers too, they're not doing anything. And if we're contracting the Panthers, toss out the Mighty Ducks, because if all the Panthers have are years of mediocrity and a fluke Finals run, that sounds an awful lot like our pals in Orange County.

 

Reinstate the Jets, Whalers, Nordiques, and a new team in Halifax so as to tap the market for the Maritimes. That puts us down to 26 again, but I really think 28 is the best number.

 

Rule change or not I'm not sure on this one: for playoffs, go back to top four from four divisions or top eight in two conferences? Hmm

 

YES WIRTZ MUST GO. One of the wealthiest men in Chicago using "Winning costs money" as a reason to suck??? NO

[the max 0]

But, but, if you contract the Panthers, I don't get to watch Roberto Luongo

[The Czech Republic 0]

But, but, if you contract the Panthers, I don't get to watch Roberto Luongo

Luongo can play in Quebec City or Tampa Bay

 

 

 

In reality, he's goin places, places other than Miami, so it doesn't matter how much we hypothesize.

[Some Guy 0]

Baseball:

 

1. Salary floor. No salary cap.

Fill me in. What is a salary floor?

 

10. No more astroturf.  If you have a dome, fix it so you can grow grass in it.

 

I thought this was funny. That is all.