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Posted

Saw this on another forum and thought it would be briefly entertaining here.

 

This is a column called I, anonymous. It is published in The Stranger and it is basically anonymous venting. For example:

 

HEIGHT BIGOTS DIE ALONE

 

What's with women's fucking obsession with TALL men??? Just check out any personals section and see how many say they're looking for a tall guy! Why should I constantly be rejected because I don't have the height that you desire? Does my average height make me any less of a person? Hell, no! But you'd probably rather have some tall, badass ratbag who steals from you and cheats on you instead of a normal-sized, decent guy like myself. I guess being cute and smart and witty doesn't mean shit if you aren't at least six feet tall! And guess what? Because all you shallow gals are never going to find a man who lives up to your unrealistic expectations, you'll end up DYING ALONE! Unfortunately so will I, because you won't ever deem me a worthy romantic prospect based upon that one unimportant characteristic that I have no control over.

 

--Anonymous

 

 

Ok, so you know the format. Now, you're job is to vent your TSM hatreds and write your own I, Anonymous column. Don't be too obvious about this, we want a little mystery. Since it's anonymous, go as hard as you can without making it painfully clear who you are talking about. I figure the best idea would be to use something that hasn't been posted about, but has been on your mind for a while.

 

Please don't turn this thread into a tit slapping fight.

Posted

What's with women's fucking obsession with BIG dicks??? Just check out any personals section and see how many say they're looking for a well-endowed guy! Why should I constantly be rejected because I don't have the girth that you desire? Does my average size make me any less of a person? Hell, no! But you'd probably rather have some tall, badass ratbag who steals from you and cheats on you instead of a normal-sized, decent guy like myself. I guess being cute and smart and witty doesn't mean shit if you aren't at least 10 inches long! And guess what? Because all you shallow gals are never going to find a man who lives up to your unrealistic expectations, you'll end up DYING ALONE! Unfortunately so will I, because you won't ever deem me a worthy romantic prospect based upon that one unimportant characteristic that I have no control over...

Guest Vitamin X
Posted

That guy with the height problem needs to get over himself.

 

I'm not that tall either, but I can still get my share and that's regardless of the fact that I can be a bonafide prick sometimes.

 

Why do people care so much about dying alone or with someone? YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD ANYWAYS.

Posted

The answer is Clear Chanel, next question.

 

I'm short- but that ain't what's stopping me from getting some. It those women's obsession with men that are "in shape" and "attractive".

 

Bitches.

Posted

There's "not in shape" and then there's "100 pounds overweight". Save the extra weight I'm not actually bad looking- but given that's kinda like saying "save the lack of legs, I'm really fast".

Posted

I'm sure you can play the weight to your advantage. Turning a negative into a positive is what sex is all about. Fat rappers do it all the time. Yes, they're also rich, but the attitude carries over.

Posted

Oh- I totally agree. It's all about attitude and confidence- and very little about what you look like.

 

That said- I don't have a ton of self confidence (probably because I keep making self-deprecating comments about my weight and what not).

 

I enjoy beating up on myself way too much...

Guest FrigidSoul
Posted

Does this mean we're all going to help Dids become the white version of Biggie Smalls?

Posted

Here's a good fat rap to bust out should the situation arise:

 

Hey yo, fat people are hard to kidnap

So if you're fat and you're all in this bitch, then grab your nutsack

Chubby love, show a ninja some

Cause this fat motherfucker stay ready however they come

A hungry rapper, cannibal lyricist

I got chunks of MCs like you inside my shit

Standing poolside with a t-shirt on

Unless I'm showering or fucking, my clothes stay on

I got double cheeseburgers chasing me in my sleep

And fine hos checking me out but scared to speak

Off the chain, off the scale, I ain't watching no weight

I'm at the barbecue high as hell fixing my plate

XX to the X-L, hit me 3 times

Come correct with my burger and fries, they king sized

Guest FrigidSoul
Posted

That is the greatest single rap ever

 

Dids' rapper name can be "Biggie Sized"

Posted

I've always been kinda partial to well... "Dids". of my other nickname "The Shuffle".

 

I don't rap. I've been a hip-hop fan since forever, and I've tried several times and finally realized that it's just not a skill that I have. I can write OK, but no flow whatsoever.

Guest FrigidSoul
Posted

Pounding a beer while I'm stuffing my face

206 aint a zip bitch, its the size of my waist

Like a whale with blubber I never get cold

Chunky and pimping though I can't see my toes

Motherfuckers be trippin' calling me out

Your guns aint shit when my hunger's about

Suck you in like Kirby on my N64

Put your bitch on her knees, get her begging for more

Cause I know she wants my shit, I can see it in her eyes

Dick in her mouth while mine is chewing on fries

 

Awwwww ya, Biggie Size all up in dis motha' fucker!

Posted
Have I mentioned I am 6"2 and get a bunch of hot ass........coincidence? I think not........

 

That guy needs to go work under a bridge somewheres and scare small children.

Or work at the GAP.

Guest FrigidSoul
Posted

If Kotz is willing to donate his keen eye for cool hats and shit we're going to make Dids famous. From there Dids will be up to his eyes in pussy and we'll be raking in the cash.

Posted

Ok, I have one more ph/fat rhyme and I'm done.

 

Yeah

Get ready

Biggie Size in the house an it’s about to get sweaty

I tear into a mic or a burger without pause

Cause the only thing as tight as my skills is my draws

Got my brontosaurus ribs, hos call me Fred Flintstone

Cause after 5 minutes we’ll both be suckin on a bone

I raise the roof if only I can fit through the door

You can tell I’m coming cause I shake the floor

Jurassic Park in this bitch, making temors in your juice

My phat rhymes and my pants is about to bust loose

Before you take a sip, I finished three kegs

An I got a Pringles can dangling between my legs

I got bitches lined up looking to get some play

I fuck em five at a time, and then I hit the buffet

Peace

Posted

P. Didsy.

 

Since neither Dids nor P. Diddy can rap, let's combine the two of them to highlight their best qualities. Dids will bring his fat pimpology onstage, where he will nod his head in rythym to the musc while interjecting various "Yeah"s, "Uh huh"s, and "You feelin' me?"s. I'd buy that CD.

Posted
P. Didsy.

 

Since neither Dids nor P. Diddy can rap, let's combine the two of them to highlight their best qualities. Dids will bring his fat pimpology onstage, where he will nod his head in rythym to the musc while interjecting various "Yeah"s, "Uh huh"s, and "You feelin' me?"s. I'd buy that CD.

Then tell women he is going swimming with Chris Tucker and Aquaman while eating a sugar cookie and shutting down the studio. Then and only then will the transformation be complete.

 

Ripper - Giving Posters better personas since 2002

Posted
What? Now you're taking credit for my P. Didsy idea? You...you....

 

 

IDEA STEALER~!

Yeah...guess I am more like Puffy than you know. I just sampled your idea and added a "take that, take that" and a "Ripper, 0-4, COME ON~!" and called it my own.

 

 

Ripper - Taking post from the 80's but makes them sound so crazy.

Posted

I was called B. Diddy (somebody gave me the nickname) before P. Diddy was P. Diddy- but when when the fucker bit my name I changed it to B. Dids, and then just Dids.

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