How do you think WWE will end the Kane/Lita angle?

[DerangedHermit 0]

The revelation that OMG KANE IS THE FATHER last night went over like a wet fart, and I predict the same at Summerslam. Since Matt Hardy cannot conceivably go over twice in a row, how do you think this angle will end?

 

A) Lita gives birth

- corollary: Lita gives birth to a hand

 

B) Lita suffers a miscarriage

 

C) Kane tells Lita to use a coat hanger

 

D) Lost in Cleveland

 

E) La Parka?

[Guest fanofcoils]

Maybe Bischoff will just fire Matt Hardy

[DerangedHermit 0]

Maybe Bischoff will just fire Matt Hardy and Lita.

Edited for accuracy.

[Guest Staravenger]

E) La Parka?

Can someone describe to me why "La Parka" as a selection is funny? I don't get it...

 

 

I'll go with Lita jumping off the stage or something gay. She DID do a DNA taste without Matt's DNA, so anything can happen.

[Slickster 0]

La Parka is funny because now I picture Lita giving birth to him, then he chairshots her and does his dance.

[razazteca 0]

During the match Lita jumps on the apron of the ring and gets knocked off by Kane throwing Matt to the ropes. Lita falls off and lands on the "metal steps" and starts screaming and shit. Matt sees whats happens then carries her to the backstage and gets counted out thus losing the match. On the following Monday Night Raw Matt and Lita are talking to a "Doctor" at WWE General Hospital. Well team of Dr. Tom Pritchard & Dr. Williams tells Lita that due to the bump to the steps the night before she lost the baby. Kane is seen backstage watching a moniter doing an evil cackle.

 

Kane knows that since he won the match, Lita is now his "wife". A week later on Raw Kane and Lita are seen argueing over petty stuff as Kane demands Lita to bring him a beer and she refuses. Eventually she brings him a Michalobe Ultra. Kanes goes crazy and starts throwing chairs around saying "WTF I hate low carb lite beer.....get me a real beer like a Stevewweiser!"

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

All she said was that it wasn't Matt Hardy's baby. She never said it was Kane's either.

 

Probably means nothing but Lita, if I recall, never said "Kane is the father". It'd at least be a different twist if like...I dunno, Pete Gas turned out to be true man among men.

[Promoter 0]

Come on we can't rule out the genetic jackhammer then if it isn't Kane or Matt's. Isn't it time for the annual Vince Mcmahon crappy storyline? Last year it was with Stephanie Mcmahon and this year he follows up on the storyline by trying to get a new daughter with Lita.

[Ravenbomb 0]

The father is none other than...Essa Rios

 

 

Barring that, I only know of one man who's sperm is powerfull enough to defeat that of two different other peoples' at the same time:

[The Czech Republic 0]

I think it would've been funnier if Lita asked "Kane, Matt, I have to know, which one of you is the father?"

 

And then HHH comes out with footage of how he drugged her and banged her, so it must've been his. He put his seed-uh in Lita.

 

But then Big Show comes out and says it has to have been his because his show is the biggest show.

 

Vince McMahon admits that he had to use the genetic jackhammer and Lita wanted a title shot, so it's his kid....dammit.

 

To spring some controversy, Coach says it was him because he can't resist that ghetto-bootay. He adds that his night with Lita "was cooler than the other side of the pillow;" following that remark he gets on a plane to Bristol to make it back in time to host that evening's Sportscenter.

 

Chris Jericho takes credit for the baby and says it was the highlight of the night.

 

Jeff Hardy makes his return! He claimed that he impregnated his brother's girlfriend, but since this requires heterosexual intercourse, nobody believes him and he is excused, quite promptly.

 

Booker T is traded back to Raw for Hurricane in order for Booker to take credit for the baby. Booker T says he summons his ejaculation by staring at his hand. Following the announcement, Booker T is traded back again.

 

Stevie Ray, Booker's brother, says that HE made the baby in Lita's womb. When that fruit-booty Lita propositioned Stevie, the reply was "You got me, baby. I'm gonna take off these clothes, take me about, mm, 3, 4, minutes, and I'll get in the bed, and I'll get in your BUTT. It ain't gonna take long, Lita."

 

Steve Yzerman, captain of the Detroit Red Wings, owns up to his adultery. He then openly asks how he got himself into this one.

 

Stevie Richards comes out next, representing not himself, but rather the late Crash Holly, who before he left the world, had a night with Lita.

 

But then...

 

 

You guessed it...

 

IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLL (bump) WHAT THE ROCK (boom-pish!) IS COOKIN!

Dum, dum duh dah DAHHHHHHHH...

 

Yes. It's the Rock. He goes on a long spiel about pie, strudel, "Rock, won't you call my nameIT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS", ya know, all the usual. Nobody's really listening at this point. Amidst this, he tries to coin a new catchphrase, something about "turkey cunt" or something. Like I said, not listening.

 

Did someone say turkey?

 

The Gobbledygooker is out to say that he fucked Lita, but he can't talk, so Mean Gene tries to assume the Gooker's indecent message. Instead of dancing to Turkey In The Straw, the Gooker just dry-humps Lita again.

 

SO where is all this going, you ask?

 

Remember how Vince bought the big fancy lottery tumbler for the Royal Rumble? Well that thing costs money. Cash money. So you better get more than one use a year outta that sucker.

 

So all the names of Lita's sex partners are written on the ping-pong balls, two to a partner, and a drawing is held to decide who gets to be the father.

 

HAHAHAHA! Get it? BALLS! THERE ARE TWO! THEY GRAB THEM! GRAB THE BALLS!

 

So how can a simple ball drawing intervene with biology? Simple.

 

Magic contract!

 

Just so you know this is serious business, we trot out the red carpet over the canvas. There's the belt in the clear Plexiglass podium dealy, but since it's not a title match, nobody really knows why it's there. Something about the feng shui of the ring. By signing the Magic Contract, this overrides whatever sperm may have fertilized the egg, and changes it to follow the result of the drawing.

 

The winner of the drawing is Steve Yzerman.

 

Kane gets mad, and since this is a contract signing in the ring, chokeslams will be had, and things will be broken.

 

Because of Article 542(b) of the WWF Rulebook, 1998 Edition, a Magic Contract is nullified by a melee transpiring within the ring. Kicking the guy in the face and signing the contract for him, however, is still binding.

 

The whole angle is forgotten about the next week.

[Slingshot Suplex 0]

Kane marries Lita.

 

Matt goes away.

 

In a few months, Kane and Lita begin a spousal abuse angle. Kane chokeslams her once. He goes for a 2nd and she is rescued by a returning Matt and we find out it really was Matt's baby all along but she lost the baby because of the chokeslam. Matt and Kane fight again...Matt probably wins. Somewhere in the middle of this there could be a Ricki Lake " Three Way Dance.....Who Got In Them Pants" episode.

 

Or instead of Matt making the save, it's a returning Austin in the same role but to a bigger pop and even bigger irony. Somewhere in this angle is the new catchphrase Austin 3:16 I Just Knocked You Up.

 

And the mentioned Vince/ Genetic Jackhammer is a good possibility too since I don't think Vince has had his tongue down Lita's throat yet . Onscreen anyway.

[griffinmills 0]

Asking why of a joke is usually about the stupidest thing you can do, btw. 9 times out of 10 the joke is ruined by explaining it alone.

 

I would personally force everyone I know to coerce everyone THEY know into watching Raw in an attempt to boost ratings if the answer to this debacle was La Parka. Poor guy has been rocking the house down in CMLL but can't seem to win a match.

[iliketurtles 0]

Um, Kane punches Lita in the stomach after Matt and Lita fall in love again?

 

Or maybe by the time the angle ends, the ratings will be so low they can just forget about she was going to give brith in the first place.

[Guest Montana]

Jeff Hardy returns as the father of the baby.

[Mystery Eskimo 0]

Jeff Hardy returns as the baby.

[razazteca 0]

There is only one Rudo in all of Mexico evil enough to father the Chupacabra.....its none other than Pierroth.

[chaosrage 0]

The same way every angle like this ends. They'll have a match, Lita will hit Matt in the head with a chair, either on purpose or on accident and then she'll reveal to Matt that she was in love with Kane all along.

[spman 0]

It's pretty obvious that the baby is Eugenes.

[pochorenella 0]

The same way every angle like this ends. They'll have a match, Lita will hit Matt in the head with a chair, either on purpose or on accident and then she'll reveal to Matt that she was in love with Kane all along

 

Exactly. She was never even pregnant. Lita just wanted to punish Matt for all that shit those months ago when he dumped her.

[Guest Reservoir_Kitty]

How do I think they'll end this angle?

 

Poorly, like every other angle.

 

I fully expect this to be a Lita heel turn, complete with however many months are left of the pregnancy filled with her horrible acting and Kane gloating about having an evil wench by his side. Matt Hardy, crushed, will return to Smackdown and start a springtime romance with Shannon Moore, who is clearly prettier than Lita.

 

Well, I made that last part up, but it makes more sense than most of this angle thus far.

[NoCalMike 0]

Well consider Matt humiliated her a few months ago when he debut on RAW, this could just be Lita's revenge and she will turn heel and go with Kane........

 

Of course knowing WWE........(6 months from now)

 

Lita shows up on Raw looking as skinny as ever, has a match vs. Trish for the women's title, and there is no mention of the pregancy angle or Matt or Kane, and that is well, how it ends......

[Youth N Asia 0]

The only logical reason for Lita to agree to the wedding stip is to turn on Matt. Otherwise she could just "um...no" the angle from Kane.

 

Although I'd rather see the return of GTV and it's proven through that that Goldust is the father.

 

Or you could just skip to the delivery with Lita and Kane. The baby comes out...

 

KANE: "What the!!!"

 

Shot of a newborn baby with a black and gold painted face. Then one of the docs lowers his mask to reviel that he's *maskes sucking sound* GOLDUST

[Kizzo 0]

Lita shows up on Raw looking as skinny as ever, has a match vs. Trish for the women's title, and there is no mention of the pregancy angle or Matt or Kane, and that is well, how it ends......

And the funny thing is...you are probaly right...or maybe you are just right....

[Ravenbomb 0]

There is only one Rudo in all of Mexico evil enough to father the Chupacabra.....its none other than Pierroth.

>

[razazteca 0]

The same way every angle like this ends. They'll have a match, Lita will hit Matt in the head with a chair, either on purpose or on accident and then she'll reveal to Matt that she was in love with Kane all along

 

Exactly. She was never even pregnant. Lita just wanted to punish Matt for all that shit those months ago when he dumped her.

You mean like the Christian, Trish, Jericho one or the Steiner, Stacy, Test angle?

[ChrisMWaters 0]

There is only one Rudo in all of Mexico evil enough to father the Chupacabra.....its none other than Pierroth.

Is that the same Pierroth that was in the 1997 Royal Rumble?

[Guest Trivia247]

nahh nahh

 

it was an affair since 2000, she secretly kindled her lustful passions with this man but openly insulted degraded and fought with him. because thats was their kink.....but they've been hot and heavy ever since...

 

no the true father of the baby is none other than..

 

DEAN MALENKO!

 

the Man with the thousand holds and positions heh

 

who knew the backstage work had perks.

[razazteca 0]

There is only one Rudo in all of Mexico evil enough to father the Chupacabra.....its none other than Pierroth.

Is that the same Pierroth that was in the 1997 Royal Rumble?

I do remember Pierroth working WWF with the mask so it could be.

[Guest KJ Brackish]

Jeff Hardy returns as the baby.

Me n' T®ITEC were talking and this was my scenario. Lita is shown giving birth in the back and finally out pops............ ::hardy boyz music plays:: and Jeff does his spazzzmistic dance complete with Jizzed Face and thus...... Jeff returns and the whole storyline gets unsolved and nullified.

 

KJ

[bobobrazil1984 0]

Matt gets injured in his match with Kane. They stop talking about the angle. matt returns in 3 months and begins a brand new low level storyline with some other schmuck and nobody mentions this.