Dave Meltzer's SummerSlam Review

[BHK]

IYH gave us Canadian Stampeede. that makes it worth it for me.

[Lt. Al Giardello]

When you're consistantly on Velocity it means your career is going nowhere, so the Bashams barely exist on Smackdown.

What about Bradshaw?

[The Czech Republic]

While the XFL, WBF, and such were all a bunch of monetary flops, just be grateful that budget cuts were made to stop WWE from capitalizing on the popularity of "I Love The 80s" and the Super Bowl in a large music video production planned to run on Spike TV during halftime. Thanks to friends in high places, I've obtained the script.

 

-----

We're the Smackdown wrestling crew

Wrestling on down, doin' it for you

We're so bad, we know we're good

Blowin' our spots like you knew we would

You know we're just wrestling for fun

Hoping to be seen by anyone

We're not here to start no trouble

We're just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle

 

Well they call me Rikishi, and I like to dance

My finishing move is like making romance

We had the goals last training camp

To go make Bradshaw the heavyweight champ

And we're not doing this for a church's steeple

Rikishi is doing this for the people

I'm not here to start no trouble

I'm just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

I'm Hardcore Holly, I think I'm world-class

I like Molly but I love that Mr. Ass

I bitch all day and I whine all night

I gotta find a rookie and start a fight

My moves are stiff, they'll make you wince

I dress a little shitty so watch out Vince!

There's no one here who wrestles with me

My sloppy ring style will set me free.

 

I'm Mordecai, my push was stopped cold

Part of the reason was that I sold.

I've been in Louisville for quite a while

Learning the required generic style.

My character never went really far

I could've been a retard, says TCR

I didn't come here looking for trouble

I just came to do the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

 

We're the Smackdown wrestling crew

Wrestling on down, doin' it for you

We're so bad, we know we're good

Blowin' our spots like you knew we would

You know we're just wrestling for fun

Hoping to be seen by anyone

We're not here to start no trouble

We're just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle

 

(vibe solo)

Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.

(more vibes!)

Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.

 

I'm the punky GM known as McMahon,

when I write the show, I've got no plan!

I just throw my body all over the skits

I can't write but I have huge tits

I motivate Hunter I aim to please

I spend most evenings on my knees

That's why you pervs came here on the double

To watch me doing the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

I'm Rob Van Dam, one of a kind

Everyone loves me for my body and my mind

I get as high as high can be

But ain't no wrestler gonna put over me!

I try to smoke ganja with style and class

But this knocks my push right on my (whistle blow!)

I didn't come here looking for trouble

I just came here to do the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

(saxophone solo with whistle blows)

 

They say Jim Ross is the man

If J.R. can't do it, I sure can!

This is Cole, and it's no wonder

I blow like Nitro, suck like Thunder

So bring on Booker T! Bring the Spin-a-rooney!

This is for Todd and Jewish Sean Mooney

I'm not here to matches hustle

I'm just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

I'm Booker T and I play it cool

But just like Mr. T I pity the fool

I stare at my hand, then get on down

Everybody knows I don't mess around

I'm a former WCW 5-time champ

My entrance has more heat than a McDonald's lamp

So please don't try to my hair ruffle

I'm just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

The orange man's comin', I'm your man Tazz.

Cole calls a move wrong, and I'm gonna spaz.

I watch the match, I say some stuff.

Joey Numbers always keeps me up to snuff.

Some people say the blue show don't cut the mustard

But I think that we're ROCKET-BUSTAH!

Now this Thug right here is gonna hafta rustle

If you don't join us in the Smackdown Shuffle.

 

We're the Smackdown wrestling crew

Wrestling on down, doin' it for you

We're so bad, we know we're good

Blowin' our spots like you knew we would

You know we're just wrestling for fun

Hoping to be seen by anyone

We're not here to start no trouble

We're just here to do the Smackdown Shuffle

[Enigma]

I still think Undertaker shares a lot of the blame for the Hogan push going horribly wrong. I think Jericho or Austin could've drawn pretty well against him for a main event. Remember this was when they dropped Taker/HHH due to fan apathy and turned around and threw Taker right back into a main event.

Austin refused to work with Hogan because he was bitter about Hogan squashing his main-event push in WCW in 1994.

[Guest JoeyStyles]

Billy and Chuck

WBF

Brawl for All

XFL

In Your House

Zack Gowen /  Mr. America

Diva Search

No Holds Barred

...

 

Someone continue the list of things they invested a lot of time into and got little from.  UFC is on soon.  We'll all have fun ranking them later.

WWF New York

The InVasion

Livewire and/or Excess

Mark Henry

Smackdown Records

WWE Films

Eugene

JBL

[Guest Loss]

Austin refused to work with Hogan because Hogan would have gotten more crowd support than him in Toronto. He knew that. It happened to Rock and it would have happened to Austin. He was worried about being embarrassed.

[RavishingRickRudo]

I believe IYH was tied into a real estate venture that McMahon was involved in. It didn't last.

 

WWE NY

SPIKE TV Saturday Night Time Slot

Mark Henry

Billy and Chuck

WBF

Brawl for All

XFL

In Your House

Zack Gowen / Mr. America

Diva Search

No Holds Barred

InVasion

Higher Power

[Lord of The Curry]

Their short lived version of Heat on MTV w/ DJ Scribble and Rebecca has to be put on that list.

[Guest Dazed]

The New World Order. Of the original three members, within a couple of months, Hogan had turned face and Scott Hall was gone from the company. All three were on something insane, in the region of $700,000 each.

[Guest Salacious Crumb]

Austin refused to work with Hogan because Hogan would have gotten more crowd support than him in Toronto. He knew that. It happened to Rock and it would have happened to Austin. He was worried about being embarrassed.

Yeah, I know about all of that. My point is that practically any other main eventer or upper card guy could've drawn against Hogan over than the Undertaker. Taker's been a ratings and buyrate death for awhile and this was the peak of it.

[RavishingRickRudo]

I... have no idea what you... are.... talking about.

 

*takes LOTC aside and tells him he's a damned fool for bringing up long forgotten wounds that still hadn't healed properly*

[Guest TigerDriver91]

How about Sunday morning's WWE Experience television show? Does that get any viewers at all or what?

[RavishingRickRudo]

Austin heel turn of 01 must be up there as well. Though it produced some classic momments, it ultimately fucked the company up and ignored the months of time dedicated to Austin/HHH. Plus it never really ended.

[RavishingRickRudo]

Experience isn't hyped up enough for it to be a bomb. It's like... you have to try in order to fail, and they aren't trying at all.

[Guest Salacious Crumb]

Austin heel turn of 01 must be up there as well. Though it produced some classic momments, it ultimately fucked the company up and ignored the months of time dedicated to Austin/HHH. Plus it never really ended.

Or how Austin was basically HHH's lackey during that whole time period.

[Guest TigerDriver91]

Experience isn't hyped up enough for it to be a bomb. It's like... you have to try in order to fail, and they aren't trying at all.

I feel bad for Ivory having to be saddled with that idiot Grisham. She could be used as a face in the women's division. Oh well.

 

[Promoter]

Austin's heel turn does count imo. That thing was a flop for the most part when you consider they probably thought Austin would get heel heat like Hogan did for post Bash at the Beach. How come no one has brought up the last wrestling album? I might have to throw in Brock Lesnar the Next Big Thing who just up and left and besides he wasn't doing that much mainstream damage for what they must have thought he would do. He wasn't Diesel levels of flop though. The Mcmahon family feud has flopped as well post WM 16 and that's why they are nowhere to be seen on tv today. Oh yeah, I put that whole New Generation vs. old generation(Huckster and Nacho Man) angle campaign on the list too. Vince got his tail handed to him when Bischoff turned it around for the nWo angle.

[Guest Dids]

The Bashams are hardly a horrible tag team. They're just not flashy. I like them a lot better than a lot of teams that are out there right now. For instance, the totally stale and painful Dudleys.

[Guest Staravenger]

That got me thinking...what ARE the tag teams on Smackdown Brand?

 

Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli (The FBI)

Bubba Ray & D'Von Dudley

Paul London & Billy Kidman

Doug & Danny Basham

Charlie Haas & Rico (when Rico comes back from injury)

Chavo Guerrero & Jamie Noble (they've teamed a bit)

 

Thats all I can remember for normal teams. You can have Kurt Angle & Luther Reigns as a wild card, and probably Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio.

[King Cucaracha]

On the failures subject, what was the deal with them giving away that casket full of money at Summerslam '97? Not only did the segment suck, but they surely didn't recoup that amount of money in phone calls or whatever.

[Guest Staravenger]

Funny story: I actually guessed the right number while watching on PPV. OK, thats a dull, stupid "story" that was barely a sentence long.

 

But that was a SERIOUS waste of 10 minutes so that some loser kid could check out Sunny and Sables tits and the other guy just stood around like a retard.

[Angle-plex]

Speaking of things that should be on the WWE all time failure list....

 

Test.

[Guest Staravenger]

Speaking of things that should be on the WWE all time failure list....

 

Test.

So many pushes, so little talent. I'm amazed he's been employed longer than a year.

[Enigma]

Funny story: I actually guessed the right number while watching on PPV. OK, thats a dull, stupid "story" that was barely a sentence long.

 

But that was a SERIOUS waste of 10 minutes so that some loser kid could check out Sunny and Sables tits and the other guy just stood around like a retard.

That was such a horrible contest. There were only one key out of 40 that unlocked the casket. Basically, it was just an excuse to get Sunny and Sable on the PPV.

[BorneAgain]

Funny story: I actually guessed the right number while watching on PPV. OK, thats a dull, stupid "story" that was barely a sentence long.

 

But that was a SERIOUS waste of 10 minutes so that some loser kid could check out Sunny and Sables tits and the other guy just stood around like a retard.

That was such a horrible contest. There were only two keys out of 40 that unlocked the casket. Basically, it was just an excuse to get Sunny and Sable on the PPV.

Wasn't it Todd Pettingail's last appearance?

 

(Yeah, I know I spelled his name wrong)

[Enigma]

Funny story: I actually guessed the right number while watching on PPV. OK, thats a dull, stupid "story" that was barely a sentence long.

 

But that was a SERIOUS waste of 10 minutes so that some loser kid could check out Sunny and Sables tits and the other guy just stood around like a retard.

That was such a horrible contest. There were only two keys out of 40 that unlocked the casket. Basically, it was just an excuse to get Sunny and Sable on the PPV.

Wasn't it Todd Pettingail's last appearance?

 

(Yeah, I know I spelled his name wrong)

If it wasn't, it was close to Pettingil's departure. Michael Cole debuted two months later at In Your House - Badd Blood.

[The Czech Republic]

Did Pettingill and Cole ever overlap? Or was it a prompt replacement. Either way, everyone seemed to think "Michael Cole" was just Todd Pettengill with a goatee and a new gimmick of sorts.

[The Buzz]

I never thought I'd compliment Pettingil, but Cole was a piss poor replacement for the Toddster.