Walmart Manager's Blog

[MrRant 0]

http://www.wallyworldlife.com/index.html

 

8-30-04 - If I ask you if I can help you, it's either because I'm feeling nice or because you look like a fucking retard, and not because I'm looking to find the "jackass customers trying to be funny" show.  So if you don't need help, just say "No thanks."  You think you're funny when I say "Can I help you find anything" and you reply to me with "Yeah, a million dollars."  The fact of the matter is this, the world would have been a better place if your mother would have jammed a clothes hanger up her cunt and prevented your wasted existence to begin with.  Have a nice day.

[Nighthawk 0]

He said 'balling' when he meant 'bawling'. Hilariously innapropriate, the fool.

[DerangedHermit 0]

The best:

 

9-7-02 - Some lady was walking about fifteen feet in front of me or so, and I swear to god she ripped the biggest fart I've ever witnessed.  Seriously, such a massive threatening force would get the interest of any terrorist.  By the sound of it, the force of that monstrous episode of gas should have made her ass cheeks flap like an American flag in the wind.  I had to take a detour to the register I was headed to in order to avoid any exposure to the harmful gas cloud that was surely awaiting for an unsuspecting victim. l

 

9-10-02 - Today a customer was offended because I didn't know that Nascar racer Tony Stewart had immediate family living in the area.  I certainly learned fast though.  Although I forget it all now, she told me all about his sister, his mother, and for some reason why he is in trouble.  She was shocked when I said the only Nascar drivers I knew were Jeff Gordon and the Earndharts.  By the way, she was getting her Tony Stewart rug out of layaway.

 

11-27-02 - Ok, cashiers have a lot of stupid people they deal with.  So when we are running a register, and you give us a bunch of bread, some eggs, and other items that can be squashed very easily at the beginning of your $300 order, don't get mad at me because your stuff gets a little squished.  I have lots of other stuff to deal with, so when you get mad because your bread is all messed up, I hope you go home and eat that piece of bread, choke on it, and die.  Hopefully, your last thought will be "Gosh, if I had only put the bread at the end of the order to make that cashier's life a little easier."

 

12-3-02 - While urinating in a bathroom stall, I began reading the scribbles and engravings people had made on the wall.  Seriously, who thinks of this stuff? What's worse, is that people actually DO write it on the wall.  A lot of the stuff is racist.  It is now painfully obvious what is going on here.  What has happened is that the Ku Klux Klan is now organizing and having members write the word "nigger" on bathroom stalls.  In the old days, they just would have burned a cross on someone's front lawn, but they are now proving that the KKK is as big as ever and has moved on to bathroom graffiti.

 

1-26-03 - Some guy was using a credit card, and the name on the credit card was "Janice."  I don't know too many guys named Janice, but for whatever reason when the cashier ran the card through, it asked me to call the credit card company.  So I called and listened to the hold music for awhile.  Then after a lot of waiting, I finally got to listen to some more hold music.  Eventually I talked to a person who transferred me to another representative, and then I listened to some more hold music.  After some time the representative answered the phone and proceeded to transfer me to the issuing bank.  So I got to rock out to even more hold music.  Meanwhile, some white trash guy who doesn't understand what is going on is growing impatient, he probably wanted to get back to his trailer and watch the super bowl on his huge new 19" television with a kickass new rabbit ears antenna.  I had told him that it probably would not be approved because he did not have any identification on him.  He wanted me to call anyway, I also warned him about the long wait that usually goes with calling in a credit card.  He, however, "don't give a fuck."  So several minutes later, a representative wants to talk to this man and ask him some questions to make sure he's an authorized user of the card.  He, however, can answer none of the questions.  So after not being able to answer any of the lady's questions, no identifications, and extremely bad breath, he is declined the one hundred dollar charge after he tells the lady off.  After all this, he's still surprised they won't let him use it.  If I had seen some toothpaste or toothbrush in his items, I probably would have done the override for the sake of humanity.

 

4-5-03 - Some white trash guy with a mullet came up to me and said "Hey man, can you tell me where the fuckin panties, fuckin bras, and fuckin night gowns and shit is?"  The fact that this guy was such white trash and every word he said was preceded by "Fuckin" almost overshadowed the weird idea that he was looking for bras, panties, and nightgowns.  I should have answered "Fuckin homo, what are you doin in the fuckin panties section, you some kind of fuckin faggot." in my best redneck voice.  I didn't though, because he may have mullet whipped me.

 

7-25-03 - I've previously discussed the speed walking midget.  Well I've discovered a new breed of midget.  I saw him standing in line at a register and almost fell over laughing.  He was a gangsta midget.  He had the baggy clothes, the attitude, and even the tattoos.  I bet he'd carry a gun if his fingers weren't too stubby to pull the trigger.

 

5-2-04 - I don't consider myself prejudice or anything, but some stuff is just ridiculous.  Some guy came back to electronics and apparently wanted everyone to know that he was gay.  Why?  I don't know.  This guy was like 6'4, heavyset, and wore a shirt that said "Drama Queen" which looked like the Dairy Queen logo.  He also talked like a woman.  I found this man to be disturbing, so if that makes me prejudice towards gay people, then so be it.  Still I'm not as bad as this guy.  There was a guy who saw a black man and thought he should offer him a piece of his gum because it was watermelon flavored.  What would have made it great was if he had actually asked the black man, then I could have seen him get his ass kicked, and that's always a fun time for everyone.

 

5-25-04 - A lady asked me this question.  "Where are your hip hop CDs like Brittany Spears and Hillary Duff?"

[Guest Brian]

11-27-02 - Ok, cashiers have a lot of stupid people they deal with.  So when we are running a register, and you give us a bunch of bread, some eggs, and other items that can be squashed very easily at the beginning of your $300 order, don't get mad at me because your stuff gets a little squished.  I have lots of other stuff to deal with, so when you get mad because your bread is all messed up, I hope you go home and eat that piece of bread, choke on it, and die.  Hopefully, your last thought will be "Gosh, if I had only put the bread at the end of the order to make that cashier's life a little easier."

 

Only problem I had, since as a former cashier, if you don't know how to bag and check, it really is your fault.

[DerangedHermit 0]

1-11-04 - I took a call from the service desk, and they asked me to help a customer out with a television to their vehicle.  So me and another electronics guy went up there to help, because we're great workers and overall nice guys.  So anyhow, everything about this carry out wreaked of "bad idea."  First of all, it turns out an associate had to take the television to the front of the store earlier because the lady refused to walk back to the electronics department.  So now we have established complete laziness.  Second, when we get up to the service desk to help the lady, she has a cart full of groceries that are all bagged with paper.  Wal-Mart uses plastic bags, but we keep paper sacks under the counter for bitches like her.  Whenever you see a customer using paper, steer clear of them at all costs.  This is because their lives have no purpose or meaning, and by getting paper and being different from everyone else gives them a sense of purpose in life.  They never appreciate anything you do for them, never compliment anyone, but are the first ones to complain about the most minuscule things that do not concern them.  I really wish they'd hang themselves in their bathroom at home, nobody would miss them, not even their family.  They're the kind of people that think they own Wally World because they're a "customer" and pay my wages.  Well let me tell you something you middle aged fat whore.  Your business is nothing.  When you threaten to shop elsewhere, ask me when I'm not clocked in to work if I give a shit.  Do you think my wage changes?  No, it doesn't.  This isn't a locally owned mom and pop shop, this is a big corporate money making machine you've walked in to and we don't give a shit about you or how you're doing, just empty your fucking wallet.  This place sells an image to suckers, and guess what, you bought it.  If you actually thought that this place was a fun happy place full of fun associates and other fun customers, then you are a dipshit.  Take two seconds to think about it, why would people that work here be happy?  People that are interested in helping other people don't say to themselves, "I want to help people, I'll get a job in retail!"  People don't work at this place for fun, they work here for money, and not much of it.  If they had money they wouldn't be here in the first place, and if they were well educated they wouldn't be here either.  The few people who have any intelligence are mostly in college and are moving on to bigger and better things and don't give a shit about you or your problems.  If you're just going to complain and be a bitch, just go on down the road to another store because there's a hundred other people behind you waiting to give us all of their money and at least thank me for my time.  I'm sorry that you're life sucks, your children are dumb and worthless and will be hooked on meth soon enough.  I'm sorry you're probably stuck in a loveless marriage and your husband cringes at the sight of you.  You know what though, it's your own fault because you're a worthless bitch and all you do well is bitch.  Nobody likes a bitch, so please, go hang yourself.  Also, why do people like you feel the need to reproduce at rapid rates?  Your life sucks, why do you insist on bringing a litter of screaming kids in to the world?  I'm begging you, please go hang yourself.  Don't take your frustrations out on me, I don't make enough money to listen to it.  So if you're one of those people that asks for paper, the next time you go try plastic.  You can carry more plastic bags at a time anyway.  Originally this entry had a point.

 

Owned.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

Bah. Welcome to my world.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

As I read all of those I pictured one of the managers where I work saying it and it was even more funny. I work at Lowe's Home Improvement not Walmart though.

[haws bah gawd 0]

I used to work for Kroger in North Augusta, SC. Im sure this type of customer has been encountered by anyone who works in retail: The Jackass Environmentalist who brings cloth bags to put their groceries and what-not in because they dont believe in using paper bags because of cutting down trees, or plastic bags because of obvious reasons. However, their they have no problem buying various aerosol cans (hairspray, bugkiller, etc.), and products packaged in paper and plastic containers and making me put them into their dirty, filthy, cloth bags. I fucking hate these people.

[DerangedHermit 0]

I used to work for Kroger in North Augusta, SC. Im sure this type of customer has been encountered by anyone who works in retail: The Jackass Environmentalist who brings cloth bags to put their groceries and what-not in because they dont believe in using paper bags because of cutting down trees, or plastic bags because of obvious reasons. However, their they have no problem buying various aerosol cans (hairspray, bugkiller, etc.), and products packaged in paper and plastic containers and making me put them into their dirty, filthy, cloth bags. I fucking hate these people.

Yeah, really....oh....plastic is a waste.....what do I get? TRASH BAGS!

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

07-23-2005 - It's amazing what people can successfully market. From Larry the Cable Guy, to a singing wall mounted bass fish. Now they actually have a mounted deer head that sings and moves its mouth. You would think people would realize how dumb these things are, but apparently the welfare recipients who utilize the layaway department find them absolutely critical to survive because they are all over in the layaway bins. These people vote.

 

Awesome.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

07-27-2005 - So an associate took a shit in the family restroom, which only has one toilet. He came out and said "There's no toilet paper left in there." and walked off. I thought about it for a second and realized the odds of him just happening to have the exact amount of toilet paper he needed was pretty slim. He walked off and went back to work, but I'm convinced his ass was not cleansed.

 

7-28-2005 - I helped an old Amish looking couple find an electric skillet. They inquired about the brand of the skillet and how it was. The lady working the department chimed in and said "It's a good brand, and it's made in the USA too." I found that to be unbelievable, so I checked the box. While the profits are probably made in the USA , the product is made in China . I knew Wally World wouldn't sell anything made here. That would cost the consumer extra money and create American jobs, and Americans are too lazy to work.

 

 

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

I should note I work at Wal-mart inspite of myself, so I probably find these 10 times as funny as the rest of y'all

[Nighthawk 0]

I laughed at hard at my initial response to this thread. Man, some of my old posts amuse me way too much.

 

But yeah, this is funny.

 

The one about the gay dude was funny because I actually have that Drama Queen shirt. And I'm 6'3" and a large framed dude. I don't talk like a woman, though.

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

09-19-2005 - Two fat associates are upset with me. Nobody cares though, because they're fat, dumb, and ugly. One is so fat, that she is 8 months pregnant, and I had no idea. I should have assumed she was pregnant though, because dumb ugly people are always reproducing.

 

 

 

 

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

1-11-04 - I took a call from the service desk, and they asked me to help a customer out with a television to their vehicle.  So me and another electronics guy went up there to help, because we're great workers and overall nice guys.  So anyhow, everything about this carry out wreaked of "bad idea."  First of all, it turns out an associate had to take the television to the front of the store earlier because the lady refused to walk back to the electronics department.  So now we have established complete laziness.  Second, when we get up to the service desk to help the lady, she has a cart full of groceries that are all bagged with paper.  Wal-Mart uses plastic bags, but we keep paper sacks under the counter for bitches like her.  Whenever you see a customer using paper, steer clear of them at all costs.  This is because their lives have no purpose or meaning, and by getting paper and being different from everyone else gives them a sense of purpose in life.  They never appreciate anything you do for them, never compliment anyone, but are the first ones to complain about the most minuscule things that do not concern them.  I really wish they'd hang themselves in their bathroom at home, nobody would miss them, not even their family.  They're the kind of people that think they own Wally World because they're a "customer" and pay my wages.  Well let me tell you something you middle aged fat whore.  Your business is nothing.  When you threaten to shop elsewhere, ask me when I'm not clocked in to work if I give a shit.  Do you think my wage changes?  No, it doesn't.  This isn't a locally owned mom and pop shop, this is a big corporate money making machine you've walked in to and we don't give a shit about you or how you're doing, just empty your fucking wallet.  This place sells an image to suckers, and guess what, you bought it.  If you actually thought that this place was a fun happy place full of fun associates and other fun customers, then you are a dipshit.  Take two seconds to think about it, why would people that work here be happy?  People that are interested in helping other people don't say to themselves, "I want to help people, I'll get a job in retail!"  People don't work at this place for fun, they work here for money, and not much of it.  If they had money they wouldn't be here in the first place, and if they were well educated they wouldn't be here either.  The few people who have any intelligence are mostly in college and are moving on to bigger and better things and don't give a shit about you or your problems.  If you're just going to complain and be a bitch, just go on down the road to another store because there's a hundred other people behind you waiting to give us all of their money and at least thank me for my time.  I'm sorry that you're life sucks, your children are dumb and worthless and will be hooked on meth soon enough.  I'm sorry you're probably stuck in a loveless marriage and your husband cringes at the sight of you.  You know what though, it's your own fault because you're a worthless bitch and all you do well is bitch.  Nobody likes a bitch, so please, go hang yourself.  Also, why do people like you feel the need to reproduce at rapid rates?  Your life sucks, why do you insist on bringing a litter of screaming kids in to the world?  I'm begging you, please go hang yourself.  Don't take your frustrations out on me, I don't make enough money to listen to it.  So if you're one of those people that asks for paper, the next time you go try plastic.  You can carry more plastic bags at a time anyway.  Originally this entry had a point.

 

Owned.

 

 

I'd hate to meet someone he considers a prick if he's an "overall nice guy".

[CanadianChris 0]

11-15-00 - A customer in layaway was asked to fill out a form containing basic information such as a name, phone number and address so that she could start a layaway. How many people does it take to spell a name? The answer in this case is three. When she saw that she had to write her name she asked her friends for assistance, who weren't exactly sure, but thought it was "L, ummm... then I think E, no wait! It's I" and eventually she correctly spelled "LISA." Not only did they have difficulty spelling one girls name, and I'm not sure the last name was spelled correctly, they put there area code down as their zip code, and their phone number only had six digits. They'll probably be back tomorrow to buy a gun or something. These people are great examples of why abortion should stay legal.

[Guest Teal-y Dan]

This guy was reporting from Terre Haute, I think? Lovely.

[ant_7000 0]

Dude is like the "AL Bundy" of walmart. It could be worse thou, could be working in the cellphone industry.