Who is Daniel Puder?

[Myxamatosis]

Taken from his website, which just opened:

 

"My name is Daniel Puder. I' m pure madness baby, with 18 inch pythons, weighing a massive 240 lbs. and a stalking 6 foot 2 inches. I am the fleeting image of Lex Lugar. Who else can subscribe to my 35 inch legs?

 

The one word to describe me is intensity. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, and I am subject of numerous documentaries. When I am bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

 

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don t perspire. I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

 

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby-Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

 

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On the weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed an emergency open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

But I have yet to win in Tough Enough."

 

Fuckin' hilarious if you ask me.

[Guest LooneyTune]

God this guy can't even cut a promo in paragraph form. Makes me want to vote for Mizanin... if Mizanin didn't completely suck.

[Guest I *Heart* Jeff Weaver]

Anyone else get the impression that he sat at his computer with a thesaurus?

[AndrewTS]

I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...

 

Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit. Don't just say "I this" and "I that." Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me.

[mister foozel]

I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...

 

Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit. Don't just say "I this" and "I that." Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me.

i hope you're joking

 

or maybe you didnt read it aloud

[Adam]

I don't care what anyone else thinks, that was fucking great.

[Lightning Flik]

I'm dying from laughter, this is just fucking brilliant.

[Ced]

I am the fleeting image of Lex Lugar

 

Aside from the fact that he can't even spell his name right, shit...do you really want to promote that?

[Guest LooneyTune]

Lots of people spell it "Lugar." It's just usually people with an IQ that makes them flunk out of 2nd grade that do it.

[JoeDirt]

PWInsider is reporting this thing was taken from one of those "buy an essay" websites.

[Guest Trivia247]

On great the Male Diva

[Guest Phenom]

Mizanin's website's better.

[AndrewTS]

I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...

 

Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit.  Don't just say "I this" and "I that."  Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me.

i hope you're joking

 

or maybe you didnt read it aloud

Oh, I know what I said--get your mind out of the gutter.

 

I was just regurgitating rhetoric from my business professors. "Tell them not what you can do for yourself, tell them what you can do for their company."

 

PWInsider is reporting this thing was taken from one of those "buy an essay" websites.

 

Puder's already getting used to having his promos scripted? He's a natural!

[Guest JaimieOliver]

Pruder's parent must have been terrorits, cuz this is the bomb.

[Corey_Lazarus]

...you should die of gonorhea for that joke...

[Eclipse]

Puder, as much as some out there are impressed with what he has done, sucks in the promo area. THAT was the worst crap I have ever seen come out of his mouth and then onto many computer screens everywhere...

[Guest Mike Haseloff]

It'd be cool if he accidentally mistook JBL for Mike Mizanin, and slapped him around for real - thus, costing him the belt in the main event

 

The only drawback is, Puder would be guaranteed some Texas style anal sex later that night.

[Guest QUP2CME]

I don't think Puder is seriously that dumb to come up with that dribble.

[tekcop]

I actually think it's awesome. Too bad it isn't at all original.

 

http://www.shabbir.com/jokes/college/essay.html

[AnonymousBroccoli]

Google "godlike trombone playing". It's all over the place.

[Art Sandusky]

How can people not like this.

[TheBigSwigg]

...you should die of gonorhea for that joke...

I think he should die of gonorrhea for having the SN of "Jamie Oliver."

[mister foozel]

Mizanin's website's better.

his intro theme on the first page is hilariously bad

 

also, the guy has been to a lot of concerts featuring really crappy bands, from his cd & concert reviews

[DerangedHermit]

I was scouted by the Mets

[Myxamatosis]

Jailbait's favorite Puder-isms!

 

I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

 

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.

 

Children trust me.

 

Puder for President!

[Guest whipper]

I can't believe he plagarized that. Hell, next thing you know he'll be having matches with pre-determined outcomes!

[mister foozel]

I can't believe he plagarized that. Hell, next thing you know he'll be having matches with pre-determined outcomes!

THAT..would be WHACK

 

This was a lot better when I didn't know it was stolen though

[Guest Catcher8C]

Isn't plaigarising other author's work illegal?

[Guest StylesMark]

I wish this guy posted here. My god.