Share your industry secrets

[NYU 0]

Man, the way you describe it, you would think these security guards have actual power....

[the max 0]

Those are the ones that are the most entertaining.

 

Like the guy at my local Denny's latenights who looks like Vic Mackey from The Shield. He threatens to call the cops on goth teenagers.

[Damaramu 0]

Man, the way you describe it, you would think these security guards have actual power....

I actually do. And I usually deal with people that challenge it. The best way to do it is to threaten someone's pocket book. As soon as I threaten with a ticket most people shut up. Not to mention that I have a radio that all I have to do is say "I'll call the cops on this" and they shut up.

[Guest Vitamin X]

The worst sequeerity guards are the ones who think their job actually means shit. Like Dama.

 

Seriously, how many college libraries need SECURITY?

[Damaramu 0]

The worst sequeerity guards are the ones who think their job actually means shit. Like Dama.

 

Seriously, how many college libraries need SECURITY?

Well people fucking dip here and it's fucking disgusting. And people don't follow the rules. So I have to make them.

[Slayer 0]

sequeerity guard

-*****

[Twisted Intestine 0]

When I worked at Wal-Mart, I would also go do nothing in the back while "Checking for something".. Maybe I'd glance at the boxes, but I wouldn't actually LOOK.

 

Also, if a customer asked me where something is that I haven't heard of, or am not sure about, I told them we don't carry it. Don't ask someone about a product that isn't in their department.. we don't know the whole damn store. Also, if someone tells you they don't carry an item, they're probably bullshitting, and if you then find that item, you're only wasting your own time by finding said employee and telling him that "You found it" in a sarcastic tone of voice. Yes.. I was lying.. what's your point?

 

Edit: And Wal-Mart employees are busy enough, with 500 customers to serve.. they don't need you asking the price for countless items over the phone. Call Zellers and ask them.. then deduct 10 cents from the price.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

Don't ask someone about a product that isn't in their department.. we don't know the whole damn store.

 

Oh man, this irks me to no end.

 

See, I have no department (I work in Store Standards) so I'm all over the store...and people always ask me stuff. I just wanna look at them and tell them that I have no friggin' clue because I don't really work here, but it's easier to go find the person who does work there and make them deal with the customer.

 

Ah, buck-passing...

[Vyce 0]

The worst sequeerity guards are the ones who think their job actually means shit. Like Dama.

Seriously. I would have hated Dama back when I was in undergrad.

[Damaramu 0]

The worst sequeerity guards are the ones who think their job actually means shit. Like Dama.

Seriously. I would have hated Dama back when I was in undergrad.

I'm just fine as long as you're following the rules. Keep your drink in a mug with a lid or a bottle and don't dip and you're fine. It's really not that hard.

But then you get those tough shit "too cool for the rules" bastards that think they can do whatever they want and then I get pissed. And I have thrown people out before and I have written tickets and the tickets hold up.

[NYU 0]

I thank God everyday for security guards like Dama.

 

I can't tell you how many times I get intimidated by those kids in the library that don't have a lid on their drinks. They think they are just TOO cool for the rules. Bout time somebody put those punks in their place.

[iggymcfly 0]

The worst sequeerity guards are the ones who think their job actually means shit. Like Dama.

Seriously. I would have hated Dama back when I was in undergrad.

I'm just fine as long as you're following the rules. Keep your drink in a mug with a lid or a bottle and don't dip and you're fine. It's really not that hard.

But then you get those tough shit "too cool for the rules" bastards that think they can do whatever they want and then I get pissed. And I have thrown people out before and I have written tickets and the tickets hold up.

Oh god. You do that too. You mean if I had a coffee that I needed to stay awake, when I've been studying all night, you'd be in there telling me to throw it away? FUCK YOU. GO DIRECTLY TO HELL.

 

Honestly, if you think of a job as a library security guard as something other than a jack-off paycheck where you stop people from stealing books occasionally, you're a self-important prick.

 

And you were saying you give people tickets? It's not bad enough that you harass people, you give them tickets too? You're pathetic.

[LessonInMachismo 0]

My college didn't have security guards...we had campus police complete with sidearms...

 

One time in African-American History, a big fat black girl told the professor that she didn't think he should be teaching the class because he was white. He then replied by saying that being born a certain color doesn't give one genetic coding to specific knowledge. She then ignored that and said that he didn't teach them about the triangle, which is an African symbol. He said that this was African-American History, not African. Then it went like this:

 

Another Black Girl: I think he's doing a good job, and the triangle? The triangle's the symbol of the queers, too!

 

Fat Black Girl: I didn't ask for comments from a smart ass.

 

Another Black Girl: See, I ain't gonna bring myself down to your level.

 

Fat: Because you're a little bitch.

 

Another: I AM gonna bring myself down to your level! Wussup, bitch?!

 

::People start clearing desks::

 

Black Guy With a Pony Tail: I'll handle this! I'm a security guard!

 

Professor: ::phone:: Get the police up here now!

 

::Everyone goes outside. Campus police show up instantly somehow. Both girls are handcuffed::

 

Cool story.

 

I have a million stories involving my experience as a guard in a wild mall. But those stories are for another time...another place.

[Damaramu 0]

I thank God everyday for security guards like Dama.

 

I can't tell you how many times I get intimidated by those kids in the library that don't have a lid on their drinks. They think they are just TOO cool for the rules. Bout time somebody put those punks in their place.

I don't care if other kids care or not.

It's my job so I do it. There's security cameras fucking everywhere. If I walk by someone and don't say anything then my boss will see the tape and fire me. That simple. I have to get paid.

Plus it's not so much a problem with them spilling the drinks as it is with the fact that they leave them there like the whole fucking place is their trash can when they leave!

If they have a mug or a bottle they're less likely to leave it there. Plus if they leave the bottle it's fine b/c the lid is screwed on and it won't attract bugs.

The dip is just nasty though....

[Guest Grumco the Clown]

Also as a security guard I've learned a couple of things:

 

-I have power. I can write you a ticket. If you piss me off I will take it out on you.

 

-Don't argue with me. We're going by my rules. Not the ones that you feel like making up right now.

 

-Don't fucking do dip or chew in the library. And don't act like a dumbass when I tell you to stop.

 

-Don't act surprised when I tell you you're breaking a rule and say "I didn't know!" That'll get you a ticket faster than anything else.

It must be real hard to keep all dem nerdz in line. If you keep up all dis hard work maybe they'll makes you a hall monitor or crossing guard.

 

Not to mention that I have a radio that all I have to do is say "I'll call the cops on this" and they shut up.

I could see it now.

 

Stupid Security Guard Damaramu: Hello, hello, I need back-up. Der's a kid in the library with no lid on his coffee. Send in da police.

[Damaramu 0]

Also as a security guard I've learned a couple of things:

 

-I have power. I can write you a ticket. If you piss me off I will take it out on you.

 

-Don't argue with me. We're going by my rules. Not the ones that you feel like making up right now.

 

-Don't fucking do dip or chew in the library. And don't act like a dumbass when I tell you to stop.

 

-Don't act surprised when I tell you you're breaking a rule and say "I didn't know!" That'll get you a ticket faster than anything else.

It must be real hard to keep all dem nerdz in line. If you keep up all dis hard work maybe they'll makes you a hall monitor or crossing guard.

 

Not to mention that I have a radio that all I have to do is say "I'll call the cops on this" and they shut up.

I could see it now.

 

Stupid Security Guard Damaramu: Hello, hello, I need back-up. Der's a kid in the library with no lid on his coffee. Send in da police.

No I threaten to call the police if they won't leave when I tell them to. Then they usually leave. They only get kicked out if they're causing a disturbance or chewing and refusing to get rid of it.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

No, judging from his past anger problems, Dama would tip a shelf over onto the kid. And then start pummeling him once unconscious.

[Damaramu 0]

No, judging from his past anger problems, Dama would tip a shelf over onto the kid. And then start pummeling him once unconscious.

I have considered it........

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

It'd be funny if Dama went crazy and beat the crap out of student for not covering up his beverage, possibly putting the kid in the hospital before realizing it's some future OU superstar.

[NYU 0]

Dama, are you especially tough on the kids that take a book off the shelf, but then don't put it back exactly where they found it?

 

Violation of the Dewey Decimal System endangers libraries all over the country.

[Damaramu 0]

Dama, are you especially tough on the kids that take a book off the shelf, but then don't put it back exactly where they found it?

 

Violation of the Dewey Decimal System endangers libraries all over the country.

I could care less about that stuff. Just as long as they're quiet and don't leave there fucking trash everywhere. And they aren't dipping. Oh and I get mad if they have food.

It wouldn't be so bad but you don't understand. These people don't act like civilized human beings. They leave there trash fucking everywhere and eat greasy fucking food and get it everywhere.

[Hoff 0]

I just pictured Dama beating some tiny nerd and JR gooing himself over it. "DAMARAMU!! DAMARAMU!! THE OU HOSS BAH GAWD!!!"

 

Most of life is better with JR commentary, though.

 

Back to Dama, you dumbass, you meddling fuck. Quit bothering people who are probably stressed enough as it is.

[Damaramu 0]

I just pictured Dama beating some tiny nerd and JR gooing himself over it. "DAMARAMU!! DAMARAMU!! THE OU HOSS BAH GAWD!!!"

 

Most of life is better with JR commentary, though.

 

Back to Dama, you dumbass, you meddling fuck. Quit bothering people who are probably stressed enough as it is.

E tu Hoff?

 

Anyways we have rules. It wouldn't be so hard if they followed them or conducted themselves like civilized people and not monkeys.

And do you guys not see the part where I said I HAVE TO OR I WILL LOSE MY JOB.

[Hoff 0]

Dude, I got nothing against you, except this. Being a stickler for moronic rules is bad enough, but to impose it on college students, in a library no less...well, I couldn't work your job, because I'd probably off myself due to the guilt. Leave them alone.

[Damaramu 0]

Dude, I got nothing against you, except this. Being a stickler for moronic rules is bad enough, but to impose it on college students, in a library no less...well, I couldn't work your job, because I'd probably off myself due to the guilt. Leave them alone.

I don't think you understand that I can't. I have to to keep the job and get paid.

Besides the dipping is fucking nasty and I've had people come up to me and complain about people doing it.

[Hoff 0]

QUIT YOUR JOB. I'm sure there's SOMETHING else on campus you can find.

[Damaramu 0]

QUIT YOUR JOB. I'm sure there's SOMETHING else on campus you can find.

No. It took me 3 months to find this job. Besides out of a 4 hour shift I patrol maybe an hour. The rest of the time I get to spend doing homework. It's the best job to get homework done with.

[Hoff 0]

You cocksucker. You have this job where you spend 3/4 the time doing your own work, and yet in that hour you've gotta throw it around like you're the big man on campus? Wow. I have some advice; find a tall building, and jump.

 

And quit saying "you have to do what you do." You could slack off and you KNOW it. What you're really there to be is a glorified garbageman, so suck it up, pick up the empty bottles, and get back to your homework.

[Guest Smues]

You drive me crazy in 95% of the sports threads, but I'm on your side on this one. Library rules aren't that hard to follow. If someone's being a jackass then lay down the law.

[Hoff 0]

YEAH!! Tell those fuckers!!

 

Dama, honest Q. Are the rules clearly posted somewhere?