Share your industry secrets

[the max 0]

I also learned that if you find the exact spot where an item should be, and there's none there, DON'T ASK IF THERE ARE ANY. If there were some, they would be IN THAT SPOT.

Not all the time. When I worked at KMART and Wal-Mart, we had a ton of backstocked stuff. Other associates would complain, but I looked at it as a chance to take a 15 minute break in the backroom to go "check if we had any more of those in stock". Not only did I get a break, but the customer was happy that I at least "checked".

[Vyce 0]

I don't think it hurts the quality of the product, though I did have a batch of fries that tasted like Cinnamon Sugar cause some dumb bitch thought it would be a time saver to sprinkle that shit on the apple pies while they were still in the little basket (which is also used for said fries).

Can I just say that Cinnamon Sugar french fries sounds like the greatest thing ever.

 

I think we've discovered the latest taste sensation.

[Guest Vitamin X]

He told me and everyone else in our family never to go to a certain location in my hometown, because all the poeple, including the managers, are always high on marijuana, and will always fuck up your order.

THE HORROR!

[spman 0]

People that work in a movie theater are strange. Very strange. Strange to the point where they slip off the side during their shift and decide to jackoff in the cleaning supplies room. The possibility of getting caught by a boss doesn't even scare these people off.

 

We're not all like this, although it is stragely accurate. Trailers, Advertisements, and Outrageous Concession Prices are nescessary evils due to the film companies completely raping us on their end, so if you don't like it, bring your own shit anf come to the movie 15 minutes late. The only reason you have to pay 7 dollars for a bag of popcorn is because you're willing to pay 7 dollars for a bag of popcorn. I could run the movies in sorround sound on only two speakers and 98% of the audience would be oblivious to it. I'm going to find each and every one of you clowns who put your greasy hands all over my projection window and personally kill you all. Film distributors can be real assholes when it comes to delivering and picking up films. We've had movies end at 11:30pm that have to be broken down and ready to leave by midnight, only to have the guy who picks it up come in drunk without his paperwork. Standees are a bitch and a half to build, but help pass the time when there's nothing better to do. You could get into see any move you want for free simply by claiming you lost your ticket, or that you left it in the theater, no one is going to question you. Parents, if you don't like the fact that you're kids can't get into R rated films, write to your congressman, don't yell at me. Save your cup and / or popcorn bag, and keep it hidden the next time you go in, then come out of your theater with it and claim you dropped your popcorn and / or soda. The reason the floors are sticky is because morons spill soda, and we're usually too lazy / pressed for time to get a mop, so we just put a wet floor sign over the spill. We don't give a shit if people are disturbing your movie, unless they personally offend us, we're not going to do anything about it. Any door which is labeled as being an "emergancy exit" that claims to be triggered with an alarm is bullshit, so many morons walk through those doors that they're not worth actually alarming. Oh yeah, and assholes that decide to walk up to see a movie even though they're a half an hour late piss me off. This is what I've learned from work.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

I've garnered from this thread that poor Rando has worked for at least five years at no less than 2 different fast food restaurants. You can at least get to retail, man.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

6 years, 2 months, and 19 days.... Long Johns, KFC, Burger King, and a 6 month stint at Disney World (in a fast food restaurant) ... along the way i also worked for my university and did two internships.

 

During the summer of 03 I had 3 jobs. It blew hard. There's a secret - don't work three jobs. Cause it'll blow...hard.

 

My first day of fast food hell was January 17, 1999.

 

 

 

 

Edit: People that ask for fries with no salt on them piss me off, especially since most of the fries come already packed with sodium. Shit, Long John's batter is some of the saltiest shit ever, but i've never heard a single old person whine about them.

 

So guess what, if you can't handle salt, stay away from Long John Silvers.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

Max: I pull the "I'll go check" bit myself all the time, because people really can't seem to understand that we just might not have any. Mind you, our warehouse is always so filled with crap that, even if we HAD that item in stock out there, it would take me an hour to find out where it was, let alone dig the damned thing out. So I generally just walk out back andstand around for 5 minutes, then come back.

 

And since you seem to do the same, I would assume that this is what many people in the industry do. Thus, it's a waste of time to ask, because no one is really looking anyway.

[Nighthawk 0]

My buddy Joe used to answer the phone and flip the pages of the magazine he was reading next to the phone and say he was checking his supply sheet. "Um, no sir, it doesn't look like we have any of those in stock."

 

Joe broke something for me, because I used to say there were two kinds of people in the world, those who like Austin Powers and those who don't. Joe loved Austin Powers and we were still buddies, so I learned to let one of my prejudices go.

[Guest Stunt Granny]

Back when I bagged groceries at the local supermarket, I used to take full advantage of the "We are not responsible for vehicles damaged by shopping carts" sign.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

I also love the people that love iced drinks, then act astonished when I hand them to them and the drink isn't blended up. I then have to take five minutes to explain that there's a vast difference between "blended" and "iced", and that if they wanted a blended drink, they should have asked for one. I then mention something about a context clue and tell them better luck next time.

[Guest Quik]

I used to work at Steak and Ale as a busboy. I learned a few fun things about chain restaurants from it. (And I've been to other Steak and Ales. They are always the same)

 

1) 75% of your baked potatoes ordered during a busy night have at least 5 drops of sweat in each one.

2) Always check your silverware for cleanliness. God knows I never did.

3) The bacon bits have had at least 20 hands in them before they're finally brought out to the salad bar.

4) The salad bar eggs smell like farts and come in packages.

5) The ranch dressing went bad a week ago. I just mislabeled it so I wouldn't have to open up a new box of it abnd pour it into the damned crocks.

6) The man making your appetizer, dessert and Ceasar Salad is partially retarded. The man cooking your steak is either a jackass who's failing community college or a cokehead.

7) At least 3 of the busboys know where you can get some diesel-ass chronic. One is probly selling it. Just come by the restaurant and ask the hostess if she can go get him.

8) Ex-cons are great at doing food prep at 11 AM. The guy who prepared your escargot for the oven 5 hours later probly has "Thug Life" tatooed across his chest.

9) Every Steak and Ale has at least one guy named "Marco" who does the dishes at some point during the week.

10) If you're a regular costumer, even a nice one, and you don't know your server outside of the restuarant, they have a nickname for you. And they talk mad shit about you in the back. To them, you are "Ugly mole woman", "Hare-lip John", or simply "The Lesbians".

11) If you don't leave after you're done eating, I will walk by your table and rip ass. When you've paid the bill, LEAVE.

12) Don't bring your fucking children to a restaurant. We hate that. If they make a mess, you should fucking clean it up. It's your Goddamn kid. I'm not the one who fired my wad into some fat dopey slob who thinks their big night out is goin to the 'Ale for a delicious corporate fast-food steak with their toothless jackass husband. "Honey, we gots a coupon! I can get a New York strip for $5.95!" Mmm-mm! Great, now I have to do the same amount of work, but my tip-share's gonna blow even more than usual because your fat wife scans for coupons every Goddamned day. Fucking assholes. I hate the Steak and Ale customers. I wish they would just take their ugly children, leave and die.

[Guest Vitamin X]

I also love the people that love iced drinks, then act astonished when I hand them to them and the drink isn't blended up. I then have to take five minutes to explain that there's a vast difference between "blended" and "iced", and that if they wanted a blended drink, they should have asked for one. I then mention something about a context clue and tell them better luck next time.

"Umm.. the frappucino is cold, right?"

"I want an iced cappucino!"

"Give me a uhhh nonfat, organic milk latte with a half shot of espresso and 2 shots of decaf and 3 pumps of toffeenut with caramel syrup OH and with some whipped cream on top too, but not too much! With extra foam." (Actual fucking customer!)

[Jingus 0]

Every book, music, and video store in the region gets its stock from the same warehouse. They can all order you the exact same damn thing. And if in your company you're a manager or executive of any type, you're probably elligible to sign up for a corporate discount.

[Guest CronoT]

Whne the phone lines were first hooked up at my store, some dumbass hooked up the outside payphones to the store line. So, occassionally, when you called my store, you'd end up calling one of the outside payphones.

 

One of my co-workers got tired of this one day, and pretended to be a desk sargeant at a local police station, and scared the shit out of some dumb woman. We laughed about it for almost two weeks straight.

[fazzle 0]

What have I learned at my job? I've learned that if you buy this

 

 

I will kill you. I will fuck you up so fucking badly. I hate that goddamn product, you do not understand how much of a pain in the ass it is.

 

I will also fuck you up if I ever see you buying

 

 

 

However, if you DO need to clear up your boils.....buy the generic Walgreens brand.

 

It's the EXACT same thing. Not "similar" but the EXACT same shit, it's scooped out of the same fucking barrel as the name brand.

[Ace309 0]

No lawyer understands the rule against perpetuities.

 

The rule against perpetuities is not "They're not allowed."

[Guest Vitamin X]

Why does hair bleach and boil cream infuriate fazzle so?

[fazzle 0]

Because I pack and fill that shit, along with a whole bunch of other stuff. But those are the two that are the worst, and require the most work.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

"Umm.. the frappucino is cold, right?"

"I want an iced cappucino!"

"Give me a uhhh nonfat, organic milk latte with a half shot of espresso and 2 shots of decaf and 3 pumps of toffeenut with caramel syrup OH and with some whipped cream on top too, but not too much! With extra foam." (Actual fucking customer!)

"What's the difference between the Mocha MindFreeze and the Latte Mindfreeze?"

 

"....one's a Mocha and one's a Latte."

 

"But what does that mean?"

 

"...Latte is milk. Mocha is chocolate milk."

 

Also, the amount of people that can't pronounce "Latte" is mindboggling. Apparently, you can also say it "lah-tea". Also, we serve a "Tai Chi Latte".

[Guest Vitamin X]

Mindfreeze?

 

Even though you alluded to a Chai Tea Latte, doesn't sound like you work at a Starbucks like I do. Although the snobbish drink customizers certainly make it sound like it..

 

Fuckin hippie organic milk and coffee bullshit. That organic milk shit actually made me sick.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

Coffee Plantation, actually. Mindfreeze is our equivalent to a Frappucino...they're a pain in the ass to make.

[Carnival 0]

If you are scheduled to get Directv service hooked up, and the tech doesn't show....

 

He probably didn't feel like hooking your shit up, so he just drove by your house and said you weren't home. All it takes to "not home" an order is a description of your house.

[Jingus 0]

Wrestling is fake.

[Vyce 0]

No lawyer understands the rule against perpetuities.

 

The rule against perpetuities is not "They're not allowed."

I can attest to this. Rocket science is easier to understand than perpetuities.

 

The best my property professors could do for me was just say, "look it up in a commercial outline."

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

People that work in a movie theater are strange. Strange to the point where they slip off the side during their shift and decide to jackoff in the cleaning supplies room.

Although I never experienced this personally, I heard that at the cinema I used to work at fired these two workers who were engaging in oral sex during one of their breaks in a thater.

 

We're not all like this, although it is stragely accurate. Trailers, Advertisements, and Outrageous Concession Prices are nescessary evils due to the film companies completely raping us on their end, so if you don't like it, bring your own shit anf come to the movie 15 minutes late.

 

Yeah, and the same people that whine about the previews/etc. are the same ones that arrive 20 minutes late to a second-run theater (place that doesn't show previews in front of their movies) assuming that they're on time for their show because of these same previews.

 

You could get into see any move you want for free simply by claiming you lost your ticket, or that you left it in the theater, no one is going to question you.

 

Not me. I was a prick. That's why you get your ticket stub. If I didn't see you leave the theater, then I'll give you shit about it when you try to re-enter.

[LessonInMachismo 0]

Similar to the disgruntled fazzle's secret...

 

Great Value (Wal-Mart) chicken filets, nuggets and other such products are from the same recipe and assembly line as Tyson products. And at almost half the price!

[Damaramu 0]

Most reporters don't like you and would be glad if hundreds of you died in a train accident they could report live from that might get them a big network job.

 

And they don't believe in compassion, so don't bother asking. You are better off trying to play texas hold em with a one eyed dog named Pogo.

Have you ever been asked to not report something b/c it's "embarassing" or "nobody's business!!"

Because that shit pisses me off.

I'm like "this is my job........fucker."

[Damaramu 0]

Also as a security guard I've learned a couple of things:

 

-I have power. I can write you a ticket. If you piss me off I will take it out on you.

 

-Don't argue with me. We're going by my rules. Not the ones that you feel like making up right now.

 

-Don't fucking do dip or chew in the library. And don't act like a dumbass when I tell you to stop.

 

-Don't act surprised when I tell you you're breaking a rule and say "I didn't know!" That'll get you a ticket faster than anything else.

[the max 0]

I got a ticket from a college security guard once.

 

I used it to light my cigarette.

[Damaramu 0]

I got a ticket from a college security guard once.

 

I used it to light my cigarette.

Those go on your overall bill. You do have to pay them. And if I catch you again I can just keep giving you tickets as the charges pile up and you can't graduate because you have an outstanding bill owed to the university.

 

On top of that since I do it in the library I can ban people from this place. And too some people here that'd be a death sentence.