Spaceman Spiff 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 "Must...kill...Moe...WHEEEEE!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nogoodnick 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 Not sure on the exact words but: Homer: "But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old. Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?" Marge: You were drunk! Homer: And how! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 Homer on drinking: "Have you been drinking?" "NO! Well, ten beers." "Wow... I'll never drink again." "Beer here!" "I'll take ten." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheFranchise 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 Are you there God? It's me.. ..Duffman! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaxxson Mayhem 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 "Duffman.... can't...... breathe...... Ohhhh nooooooooo" "Jeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssssss" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luke-o 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 Homer: Oh God please give me a sign! *phone rings* Homer: Hello? Phone: Hello Homer, this is God...frey Jones. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlackFlagg 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2008 "So Homer, pleas feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here." "The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers." "I cast thee out!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vern Gagne 0 Report post Posted January 14, 2008 Ned: It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first and last blackberry schnapps. [Ned and Maude in bed] Maude: Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today? Ned: [climbing into bed] Ann Landers is a boring old biddy! Ned: (sobbing) I was more animal than man. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dandy 0 Report post Posted January 14, 2008 "Hello. My name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic." "Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scouts meeting." "Is it? Or is it you girls just can't admit you've got a problem?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muzz 0 Report post Posted January 14, 2008 A quote from Season 5 that I'd never heard before. Marge: "Oh Lisa, is that too spicy for you?" Lisa: "*gasps* I can see through time!" Lenny: "Newsweek said you died of liver failure." Duffman: "Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Baron 0 Report post Posted January 14, 2008 Bart: Look at that hunk of junk! Grandpa: You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did! Bart: How do you know so much about history, Grandpa? Grandpa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2008 This thread has inspired me to watch my Simpsons dvds, which reminded me of this classic: (Homer laying on the couch, after refusing to accompany his family to Flanders' BBQ) "Go ahead Marge; have a ball. What if they came back and I was dead from not eating. They'd cry their eyes out. 'We should have never gone to the Flanders! Oh why did we go to the Flanders' house and leave Homer all alone with no food!' And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave. Heh heh heh!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Baron 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2008 I remember at the end of the episode where the pig is flying through the air and the scen with Mr. Burns and Smithers always crack me up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaxxson Mayhem 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2008 Lenny: I gotta say Homer, I thought someone with two wives would be happy. Carl: You're thinking of someone with two knives. Moe: (Holding two knives) I gotta say, this is pretty terrific. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaxxson Mayhem 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2008 Lisa: Networks love reality shows because they don't have to pay writers or actors. Homer Simpson: Stupid writers and actors, priced yourselves right out of the business. Nice goin' geniuses. Truest shit ever spoke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luke-o 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 My all time favourite episode of The Simpsons is the one where Homer starts to get feelings for Mindy at work. Every line in that episode is hillarious. "AH! I mean, AHello!" Lisa: "It sounded like you were singing about a girl named Mindy, or a man named Mandy" Homer's Brain: "Quick, think of something" Homer: "I've got a small part in a broadway musical, it's not much but it's a start" Homer's Brain: "Bravo. clap. clap. clap." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dandy 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Homer: Well, time to go to work. Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour. Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan. Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. [camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything] Well, off to the plant. Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery. Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it? Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast! Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery? Homer: Aah! [Runs off] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dandy 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Marge: Oh Maggie, when are you going to talk? Lisa : Well, don't push her. Remember, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. Brain: What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid. Homer: Takes one to know one. Brain: Swish! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
C Dubya 04 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place "Moe's'' you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind? Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlackFlagg 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Homer: That picture makes your BUTT look big. Marge: That's what I said, but they say it sells. Bart: Works for the Lumber King. Homer:<hypnotized by the Lumber King's BUTT> Lumber...We need lumber... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LaParkaMarka 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place "Moe's'' you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind? Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that. This was classic. Gotta love Homer's brain. FBI man 1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi. Homer: Check! FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer stares blankly] FBI man 1: [pause] FBI man 1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson. Homer: I gotcha! FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [again Homer stares blankly] FBI man 1: [FBI men stare at each other] [hours pass by] FBI man 1: [frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. Homer: No problem. [stepping hard on Homer's foot] FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer stares blankly again for a few seconds] Homer: [whispering to the FBI man next to him] I think he's talking to you. [FBI man gives up] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LaParkaMarka 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 That whole episode is full of great quotes. Bart: Take him away, boys. Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here. Bake him away, toys. Lou: What'd you say, Chief? Chief Wiggum: [sad] Do what the kid says. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's Up Late With McBain! I'm your host, Corporal Obengruppenfuhrer Wolfcastle. And now, here's McBain! [McBain walks out on stage] Rainer Wolfcastle: Ja, thank you, ja. Let's hear it for my music guy, Skoey. That's some outfit, Skoey. It makes you look like a homosexual. [audience boos] Rainer Wolfcastle: Well, maybe you all are homosexuals, too. [audience boos] ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon. Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? [a few people raise their hands] Lawyer: Be honest... [everyone raises their hand] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [sideshow Bob ties up the rest of the Simpsons, then goes to Bart's room to kill him. All of the Simpsons struggle against their bonds except Homer, who is snoring and drooling on the deck] Lisa: Oh, no! Dad's been drugged! Marge: [annoyed] No, he hasn't. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlackFlagg 0 Report post Posted January 17, 2008 Marge: This is a perfect chance top get you kids some nice church shoes. Bart: What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals. Homer: Well maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 Homer: Well, time to go to work. Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour. Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan. Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. [camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything] Well, off to the plant. Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery. Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it? Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast! Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery? Homer: Aah! [Runs off] Similar to this: "Homer, promise me you won't stalk Lenny and Karl." "Oh ok, have it your own way Marge. I'll be back in a minute, I'm going outside to... 'stalk'... Lenny and Karl... D'oh!" Is it Karl or Carl, anyway? I always say Karl based the on screen appearance of his name in the one where Skinner falls in love with Patty. I have his toy still in the box, but it's all the way back in my closet, I'm not getting up to look. Oh yeah, also from that episode: "What do they do there?" "What don't they do? They do so many things, they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars!" "You don't know what they do, do you, Dad?" "Not as such, no." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaxxson Mayhem 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 It's Carl. Know from episode where Homer writes.. Lenny = White Carl = Black on his hand. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 Well, it's a retcon anyway. Like how Smithers is really black. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaxxson Mayhem 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 I had to look up what the hell a retcon was. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luke-o 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 "Mindy, you are an... elf..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 Ha ha. "Guess we'll be going down together... I mean getting off together... I mean..." I've actually used that one in elevators with girls I casually flirt with. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AntiLeaf33 0 Report post Posted January 18, 2008 I had to look up what the hell a retcon was. That makes two of us Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
