Nighthawk Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 Man, speaking of fat chicks... I went onto craigslist drunk last night, and within twenty minutes had arranged to do ATM with a girl who weighs 350 pounds. Beat that, luke-o! See, for those who don't think I'm genuine with all that stuff, you just don't understand how easy it is. If you're into weird sex, but you don't have specific kinks, you're just into general weirdness, you can pretty much be constantly doing something, you just adapt to whatever the other person is into. I discovered this back when I used to use party phone lines to arrange meetings, and now with the internet it's even easier.
CanadianGuitarist Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 Man, speaking of fat chicks... I went onto craigslist drunk last night, and within twenty minutes had arranged to do ATM with a girl who weighs 350 pounds. Beat that, luke-o! See, for those who don't think I'm genuine with all that stuff, you just don't understand how easy it is. If you're into weird sex, but you don't have specific kinks, you're just into general weirdness, you can pretty much be constantly doing something, you just adapt to whatever the other person is into. I discovered this back when I used to use party phone lines to arrange meetings, and now with the internet it's even easier. ATM?
Big Ol' Smitty Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 Ass to mouth Look at Kingofthe909, putting that "I think" in there to make us think he's not totally into Ass to Mouth porn.
PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 I actually can't get off to porn that doesn't include at least four (4) ass-to-mouth transitions. Anything less and I'm left utterly unsatisfied.
Tommy Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 Oh, man, I'm so pumped up on writing tonight! That inspires me. "Just the beer light to guide us, I was nonetheless led to her. A slanty-eyed beauty of the Far East, she stood before me in her torn skirt and tattered soul. 'Ass-to-mouth,' I thought. Somewhere between the Zodiac and the fortune cookie, ass-to-mouth was sure to be on the menu."
CanadianGuitarist Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 I actually remember what ATM was today, ironically, while at a bank machine.
ForumPro Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 That's not ironical at all. ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, which is what you were at. Hope this helps.
DrVenkman PhD Posted April 15, 2008 Report Posted April 15, 2008 Overseas & Independents Little. Yellow. Different. I almost pissed myself today at work when I read that... You're welcome.
Nighthawk Posted April 16, 2008 Report Posted April 16, 2008 Man, nailing a chick who outweighs you by nearly half a Taiga really makes you feel thin. Fuck what Leena said, I ain't losing no weight. She knows she finds me undeniably cute. Solution: grow my hair out again and get a Harley. I already have the beard and tattoos. I read Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels... gay gays pay bikers to be allowed to blow them!
Nighthawk Posted April 16, 2008 Report Posted April 16, 2008 I've just woken up from a nightmare where I'm running from the police, but every time I try to hide, some kid with a camera comes up like "OH HEY, HOW'S IT GOING! WHAT'S UP?", so I break into my boss's apartment to hide because it's the only place I know in the area, where I'm suddenly overcome with uncontrollable diarrhea. I shit all over everything, and I look up, knee deep in shit, with shit still pouring out of my asshole, as the door slowly opens. And then I woke up.
PLAGIARISM! Posted April 16, 2008 Report Posted April 16, 2008 I actually remember what ATM was today, ironically, while at a bank machine. My friend inadvertently said 'thanks' to an ATM once.
Nighthawk Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 I was eating an apple today and got some of my mustache stuck between my teeth. I may need a facial hair suggestions thread soon.
CanadianGuitarist Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 That's not ironical at all. ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, which is what you were at. Hope this helps. Do you often have buttsex at bank machines? If you do, then my realisation was not ironic. And, just because I feel like an online slapfight - I guess it doesn't come off as ironic to you, since you always need to have cash on hand when you get laid.
Nighthawk Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 Hey CanadianGuitarist, how should I shave the hair on my face?
CanadianGuitarist Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 Hey CanadianGuitarist, how should I shave the hair on my face? Thanks for asking. To be fair, I often just don't shave, rather than specifically growing anything. Goats are classic, but if you're feeling daring, I had a Lemmy beard prior to that. As RB pointed out once, I once tried a Droz, but it doesn't come in between my lip and sideburns very well; If the latter above applies, and you can pull it off, run like the wind with it.
CanadianGuitarist Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 I also don't get the ChocoChocoChocoChocoKhan thing. Wouldn't ChocoKhan, ChocoKhan, ChocoKhan be a wicked name for a Chocolate Socket variety of Right Said Thread/I'm Board Da Ba Dee Da Ba Di?
Nighthawk Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 I feel weird having a Lemmy with short hair... but maybe. I'm leaning toward that or Wolverine sideburns. I can grow hair on my face like a haus a fire. My upper cheeks are a little thin, I think The Coat Is My Father has me there, other than that, I'm a beard having motherfucker.
Nighthawk Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 Oh Christ... that is one thing I do not look forward to about having a girlfriend again. Random chicks, you can just say "That's how I roll.", but it is a jungle down there. Some of you have seen it.
Nighthawk Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 Commenting on Leena's question thread, her "Ugh." before I got her talking about sex again, misplaced as she was just talking about fucking her husband at work. Don't nobody want to hear that. Now this is TSM, the ninth circle of hell, so different rules apply, but don't nobody want to be confronted with some sexual shit when they aren't expecting it. That is uncalled for and wrong. Now Milky is just the natural conclusion of Dave, a kinky guy who drinks a lot and doesn't give a fuck. But I'm going to give this to you straight, shoot. Stop with the god damn sex where it ain't wanted. Like today, I saw a girl breastfeeding in public. I got hard in my pants. Did I enjoy that? No. That's harassment. Sure, I jerked off to it later, but I don't think that's exactly a public breastfeeding selling point, some sick motherfucker getting turned on by it. Shut that shit off. Just cause I like it doesn't mean it's ok, like that Robert Palmer song "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On." Shrimp is my favorite food, but I don't want some motherfucker running down the street throwing shrimp in my mouth.
Maztinho Posted April 17, 2008 Report Posted April 17, 2008 Just popping into say that bps is using the Gulag properly and interacting with The Queen. Also Milky just gave me one of the funniest visuals ever of some random shrimp distributor.
Nighthawk Posted April 18, 2008 Report Posted April 18, 2008 She was wrong about the DP too, by the way. Leena just doesn't have the mind of a true slut, which I've known all along. For a true slut, it's all mental.
Big Ol' Smitty Posted April 21, 2008 Report Posted April 21, 2008 If I ever have a "Top Ten Pornstars" for a year, I'm gonna go ahead and suck on a shotgun.
Nighthawk Posted April 21, 2008 Report Posted April 21, 2008 While I love porn, I wouldn't do something like that either.
Copper Feel Posted April 21, 2008 Report Posted April 21, 2008 How can people devote enough time to collecting pornography to develop "favourite" porn stars? Now granted, I'm not really a consumer of it anway, but on the (extremely) rare occasion that my curiousity is piqued, I'll just do a general search for whatever I want to watch. Also: do those of you who compiled the lists in the thread in question actually pay money for porn?
Big Ol' Smitty Posted April 21, 2008 Report Posted April 21, 2008 Don't get me wrong, I don't have any problem with grown folks consuming porn. But the encyclopedic knowledge that some posters display in that thread is a little disconcerting.
Nighthawk Posted April 21, 2008 Report Posted April 21, 2008 See, I do pay for porn, and I absolutely do not have to... Whatever rational I use for that, nothing works better than "I'd only waste the money anyway." Probably on booze, possibly getting me into more trouble. So there you go... porn saved the life of the schoolchildren I could have run over while driving drunk. And I certainly have favorite stars, I don't see anything odd about that at all. The statistician-like rank and file breakdown is what throws me off. Course I don't understand why people do that with sports either. And to me, porn is much more respectable and interesting than sports.
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now