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Chuck Norris facts


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Posted (edited)
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

:lol:

 

I have to ask, what's with this sudden Chuck Norris thing? In the past few weeks I've started seeing "Chuck Norris Facts" pop up everywhere.

Edited by Fook
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Posted

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

 

In response to his challenge, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked MC Hammer so hard that he went bankrupt. Chuch Norris then bellowed, "I can touch this," while he pelvic thrusted in Hammer's general direction.

 

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

 

Chuck Norris' sidekick on Walker Texas Ranger isn't black, he's bruised.

 

In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson.

Posted
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

:lol:

 

I have to ask, what's with this sudden Chuck Norris thing? In the past few weeks I've started seeing "Chuck Norris Facts" pop up everywhere.

 

It's the same thing with Vin Diesel too. I don't know how they start, but I love them.

Posted

You have to wonder if Chuck Norris could take down Bill Braskey.

 

Book it.

Posted

God actually wanted to keep working on the seventh day, but Chuck Norris said "Have a seat, I'll take it from here." God knew better than to argue.

 

Chuck Norris knows the exact value of Pi.

 

There is a Book of Norris, but it was removed from the bible for being too awesome for us mere mortals to comprehend.

Posted

If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.

 

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

 

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. Ever.

Posted

Chuck Norris took a shit, and we better know that shit as New Zealand, ha ha ha ha!

 

wait wait I got one

 

Chuck Norris once ordered a rack of ribs but they weren't to his liking, so he didn't just send them back, he went out and killed the pig himself for a new rack! And then he killed the mayor of Houston and smeared the mayor's blood on his chest, declaring "I am the alpha male!"

 

I'm saying a joke is old, what has the world come to

Posted

Chuck Norris is the only known man who actually has powerbombed Kidman.

 

Sid didn't crap his pants because of an Undertaker Chokeslam. It was because he saw Chuck Norris sitting in the front row.

 

Who raised the briefcase, drove the hummer, and sent Booker T that letter? Chuck Norris did, but he asked not to be revealed for any of them because he thought all three storylines sucked.

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