Best Promo ever

[Shooting Star 0]

Paul Heyman in the weeks leading up to Survivor Series 2001....best.promo.EVER I think the only one that even stands up to it is Vince Russo on Bash at The Beacj 2000. If anyone got a video of when Heyman said all this I'd really appreciate it.

 

Post your opinions over which one is the best promo ever and try to put transcripts.

 

 

 

 

In just a few moments, at my leisure, I'm gonna call Vince McMahon out to his ring in front of his public on a television show that's owned by his grand company. At least, that is, until this Sunday at Survivor Series. I know how much you people appreciate what Shane and Stephanie and I have done. How Shane and Stephanie and I have stood up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon. And the way it is ladies and gentlemen is quite simple: the WWF will die this Sunday. But don't blame me for that. It's not my faulty. I'm not the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. You see at Survivor Series, it means so much more than just the personalities that are involved. It's about ending what Vince McMahon has tried to accomplish. I sat there at that desk on Monday and I listened to Mick Foley, and I agreed with everything Mick Foley had to say; that the WWF truly does suck! Don't boo me! Have you watched the television show lately? Vince McMahon has lost his mind! The man doesn't have it anymore! He's a has-been. His ideas are antiquated. His concepts are Draconian and Mick Foley was right because the WWF is imploding from within. Like every great empire, the WWF is imploding from within. Vince's loyal employees, like "Stone Cold", left him, like Mick Foley wants nothing to do with him, Vince's own children want him to burn in Hell, and I don't blame 'em. Vince McMahon will see the WWF die this Sunday at Survivor Series and he has no hope to save his precious company. Vince McMahon has the same chances of saving the WWF as he did of realizing his dream of starting a football league! (Vince's McMahon's music hits and he enters the ring.) I want you to know that I was down on my knees because I know you're used to men kissing your ass, Vinnie. Every time you walk in the back, there's Patterson and Brisco, 'Oh, what a great idea you had, Vince!' You like men kissing your ass, don't you, Vince? Because that's what you're all about; a billionaire! The billionaire, Vince McMahon! The creator of sports entertainment! I've waited so long to see you face to face like this. And I've waited so long to tell you to your face that I hate your stinking guts. And it's not just me, it's your children that hate your stinking guts, Vince, and at Survivor Series, your children are going to do to you what I've waited my whole life to see someone do to you, Vince. You are, so help me God, the most disgusting, vile, son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life. You took Hulk Hogan’s blood and you built Titan Towers. You stole Bret Hart’s dream, and with that money, bought yourself an airplane with WWF all over it. You did that and you know it, you son of a bitch! You stole Shawn Michaels’ smile, took your company public and made yourself a billionaire. But not a self-made billionaire, like you like to tell everybody you are. Oh no…see, you’re a billionaire on other people’s hard work. Your father, your father, Vince McMahon, your father went around the country and shook the hand...you know I'm telling you the truth, don't you? You know in your heart that I'm telling you the truth, that your father shook the hand of every promoter in this country that he'd never compete against them, that his son would never compete against them. And when your father DIED, you competed! And with your ruthless, merciless, take-no-prisoners attitude, you drove everybody out of business, didn't you, Vince? You ran all the competition into the ground and you stole all their ideas and you made yourself a billionaire out of it! And you know whose ideas you stole the most, Vince? You stole mine. See, I don't give a damn about Don Owen and Sam Mushnick and Jim Crockett, I care about what you did to me and my family. How you stole my dreams, how you stole my legacy, how you stole everything that ECW represented. Because while Doink the Clown had green hair and a rubber nose, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was drinking his first beer in ECW, damn you. While Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund were dancing around singing "Tutti Fruitti", ECW was producing the edgy TV that you named "attitude." 'Oh, we've got attitude!' You've got nothing, man! What you've got is my ideas and you stole my life, my money, my legacy! (throws his hat at him) SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! I'll tell you something, your own children hate your guts! And on Sunday, your children are going to get even with you, for everything that you stole from me, from everything you stole from them! You flaunt your affairs in front of your wife! You flaunt your affairs in Playboy for your children to read! You bastard! Look at Tazz! Look at Tazz! This man was a killer, he was a machine! He was a wrestler, a great wrestler, a real man. But wrestling is a dirty word to you, isn't it, Vince? Your father built a wrestling company, and you, you had to have sports entertainment. 'We have to have sports entertainment, ha ha ha!' (Points to Tazz) He was a wrestler, he was a great wrestler, he was a man. And now, he's a fat, little, obnoxious color commentator, and not even a good one! He is a sports entertainer. He is not a wrestler because you made wrestling a dirty word. You made wrestling a dirty word, Vince. What kind of a man are you? What kind of a man takes wrestling and makes it sports entertainment? At Survivor Series, you're going down. You're going down, Vince. I promise you, you're going down, and I'm going to watch it and your children are going to lift their leg, and stand over your grave and we're going to laugh. And you know what else I'm going to do, Vince? I'm going to run your ass out of business. And there's not a damn thing you can do about. I'm feeling good about myself..." (Tazz locks in the Tazzmission and chokes Heyman down)

[Team Angle Pusher 0]

We need this promo on YouTube, I've never seen it.

[Naked Snake 0]

Hogan at the Bash at the Beach. A money drawing promo, a monumental heel turn, and a great explanation for the motives of the new character.

[pochorenella 0]

Shawn Michaels' promo back in August 2005 in Montreal was as good as it gets, and no doubt helped SummerSlam 2005 get the second-largest buyrate number of the year, behind WM21. I know it's pretty recent, but damn if it isn't one for the ages. Transcript taken from 411mania.com:

 

"Who's your daddy, Montreal?"

 

["You screwed Bret!"]

 

"Well, since all of you have been so respectful to me, I would like to return in kind. Mee-mee-mee-bee O Canada" [bOOS!] "How I hate this place / O Canada / I'm gonna kick Hulk Hogan right in the face. Alright, I'll admit, I'll admit, I'm no singer --" ["HOGAN!"] "-- but what I am is the showstopper, the headliner, the main event, the i-con of the WWE, yours truly, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels." [bOO!] "Hulk Hogan, at Summerslam, I promise, no better yet, I guarantee" -- ["You screwed Bret!" / "Asshole!"] -- "I guarantee, Hulk Hogan, at Summerslam, I will give you and the WWE fans something to remember. And of course, all of you here in Montreal know that I am all about --" ["Asshole!"] --"You know I'm all about giving you memories. Survivor Series, 1997." [bOO!] "I handed Canada's own Bret 'the Hitman' Hart" [bOO!] "his most miserable defeat." ["WE WANT BRET!"] "You want Bret?" ["YES!"] "You're not gonna get Bret, because I screwed Bret. I did it once, and I'd do it again." [bOO!] "If Bret 'the Hitman' Hart had any guts, and he'd walk down that aisle tonight, step into this ring, and look me eye-to-eye like a man, I'd say, 'Hitman, I screwed ya once, and I'll screw you again.' Because Bret 'the--'"

 

BRET HART's music hits! Shawn does the I-seen-a-ghost face. Nobody emerges from the back, though, and Shawn starts dancing in the ring. Hey! He was just yanking our chain. What a douche. [bOO!] "Got your hopes up just a little bit, didn't I?" [JR: "Damn him!"] "You will never, and I mean ever, hear or see Bret 'the Hitman' Hart inside a WWE Ring again. Hulk Hogan, I did it to Bret Hart, and at Summerslam, I'm gonna do it to you. You see, what all these Montreal Canadiens despise about the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, is that I'm everything they wish they could be. I come out here with my live microphone, and I do what I want, when I want to do it. Let's face it, Hulk Hogan: It's the same thing that you don't like about me. I'm unlike everybody you've ever had to deal with. Oh, at Summerslam, brother, whatchagonnado, brother, whatchagonnado, brother --"

 

Hulk Hogan's music hits again... and he gets an enormous pop. But wait! Hulk's not there, either. Shawn was just pulling our leg again. Shawn: "Oh my. Now. Now. C'mon, now, the first time, sure, maybe I'm cruel. The second time, all you do is show the entire world that Montreal is everything I ever said it was. You Canucks are not the sharpest knives in the drawer." ["We want Bret!"] "You don't like me very much, do ya? I know, I know, nothing would thrill you more than to have one of your heroes like Bret the Hitman Hart or Hulk Hogan come down that aisle and just give me, aw, just give me what for. Well guess what? It isn't gonna happen. And I'll tell ya why. One, nobody in this industry can touch me. And two, your heroes like Bret 'the Hitman' Hart and Hulk Hogan, they're not even here yet. They're such big WWE superstars that their limos don't bring them to the show until it's already in progress." [LOUD Goodbye Song from the Montreal faithful.] Shawn sits down in the ring and adjusts his tie, waiting for the crowd to quiet down. He removes the tie.

 

"Now that you understand who's running this show, I'll continue. Hulk Hogan, the second thing I despise about you is what I despise about Bret Hart. You stood for some moral fiber that in your real life did not exist. Yet you stood in judgement of me. And you, Hulk Hogan, well, you'd stand for just about anything. There isn't a realistic bone in your body. Hulk Hogan, you're the biggest star in WWE history. And at Summerslam, I want you to bring your big star, I want you to bring your boa, I want you to have your sunglasses on, and your chin held high. ["Shut the fuck up!"] "Nice language. Do you teach your children the same talk? You do. Yet every one of you Montreal Canadien men do nothing but stand there and talk it while I walk it." Shawn removes his shirt and mocks the crowd yapping. "Hulk Hogan, at Summerslam, you're one move from your star being snuffed out. You don't believe me? Just ask Bret 'the Hitman' Hart."

 

Shawn leaves the ring and heads up the ramp. Play Shawn's music! This was an awesome promo, and Shawn played off the crowd perfectly.

[Guest Human Highlight Reel]

Mick Foley's anti-hardcore promos in ECW.

 

I'm going to take you back to a very deciding point in my life, a time when I believed in something! A time when I thought that my face and my name made a difference. Do you remember the night Tommy Dreamer? Because it's embedded in my skull! It's embedded in my heart, and it's embedded in every nightmare that I will ever have again. As Terry Funk took a bottle and began slicing and dicing Cactus Jack, the pain was so much Tommy that I'll be honest with you. I wanted to say "I quit Terry Funk! I give! I wave the flag and I'm a coward, please don't cut me anymore!"...When I saw my saving grace. You see Tommy I looked into that audience, my adoring crowd, and I saw two simple words that changed my life:

 

Cane. Dewey.

 

Somebody had taken the time, and the effort, and the thought, to make a sign that said 'Cane Dewey'. And I saw other people around, as every moment in my life stopped and focused in on that sign, and the pain that shot through my body became a distant memory. Replaced by the pain that will be embedded in my skull to my dying day! 'Cane Dewey'...'Cane Dewey'...Dewey Foley is a three year old boy, you sick sons of bitches!! You ripped out my heart! You took everything thing I believed in, and you flushed it down the damn toilet!! You flushed my heart! You flushed my soul! And now it sickens me to sit back, and see other people making the same mistake!

 

You see Tommy Dreamer I've got to listen to my little boy every day of my life say "Daddy, I miss Atlanta". I say "It's too bad son, because your dad traded in the Victorian house for a sweatbox in Long Island! Your dad traded in a hundred thousand dollar contract, guaranteed money, insurance, respect, and a name on the dotted line of the greatest man in the world, to work for a scumbag who operates out a little pissant pawnshop in Philadelphia!" You don't expect me to be bitter? Tommy when you open up your heart, when you open up your soul, and it gets shit on...it tends to make Jack a very mean boy. And so what I'm saying to you, before I take these aggressions out on you, to look at your future and realise that the hardcore life...is a lie! That these letters behind me are a blatent lie! That those fans who sit there and say "He's hardcore, he's hardcore, he's hardcore" wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire, you selfish son of a bitch!

 

But I want you to understand Tommy, and though he's hurt you time and time again, deep in his heart Raven wants you to understand, that the hatred that I have in here is not for you - no-no, far removed. You see Tommy I'm not doing this because I hate you. I love you man! I only want the best for you, but when I hear that WCW called up your number and you say "no thank you"...well it makes my blood run cold. As cold as that night in the ECW arena, and so I have got a moral obligation. You see Tommy I'm on the path of righteousness, and righteous men wield a lot of power. So if I've got to drag you by your face to that telephone call, and dial collect and say "Hello Eric, it's me Cactus and though I know I've burnt my bridge and I'll never be taken back with open arms, I've got a wrestler here who will gladly trade in his ECW shirt for a pair of green suspenders". And Tommy just think of that sound in your ear, when Uncle Eric says "Welcome home Tommy Dreamer...welcome home."

[JimmyHendricks 0]

The best part of that Shawn promo was when the crowd was singing the "Goodbye" song, and he simply just sat down in the ring.......and they stopped.

 

Amazing.

[hyperchord24 0]

Wow, what a promo by Heyman. I was out of wrestling during that time period. Can I get some of the storyline?

 

He could basically cut that same promo now, but use RVD instead of Tazz, and it would still hold true, and help introduce ECW.

 

What was the Russo promo and BatB 2000?

[Naked Snake 0]

As good as the Heyman promo was, it didn't draw any money. Good promo tho.

[Cheech Tremendous 0]

As good as the Heyman promo was, it didn't draw any money. Good promo tho.

 

Really? I thought that Survivor Series did a monster buyrate that year.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

As good as the Heyman promo was, it didn't draw any money. Good promo tho.

Agreed.

 

As for the 'monster buy rate'. prolly not, as everyone in the free world knew the outcome.

 

Cane Dewey gets my vote. Heyman places, and, while I hate to say it, HBK in Montreal last August shows. I'll give him his due, I never reacted to much to a promo.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Without a doubt, Ric Flair's long-awaited return to WCW the night following Fall Brawl in 1998

 

"My God...thank you...thank you very much...I'm almost embarrassed by the response, but when I see this, I know that the twenty - five years that I've spent trying to make you happy every night of your life was worth every damn minute of it. Now, somebody told me that the Horsemen were having a party tonight in Greenville! Could that be true that the most elite group that Eric Bischoff said was dead is alive and well? Bischoff, this might be my only shot, and I gotta tell ya, I'm gonna make it my best. Is this what you call a great moment in TV? It's wrong, because this is REAL! This is not bought and paid for! It's a REAL - LIFE - SITUATION! Just like the night in Columbia, South Carolina, when you looked at me - tears in my eyes - and said 'God, that's good TV' - it was real! Arn Anderson passed the torch - it was real, dammit! You think Sting was crying in the dressing room like I was on TV if it wasn't real? This guy, my best friend, is one of the greatest performers who ever lived, and YOU - you squashed him, in one night. Then you get on the phone and tell me, 'disband the Horsemen, they're dead.' Disband the Horsemen, me. You know what, I looked at myself in the mirror the next day and I saw a pathetic figure that gave up and quit! And for that, I owe you, the wrestling fans, I owe these guys an apology. Because it won't happen again!

 

Bischoff comes out.

 

"Bischoff, whatever you think...no, you're an overbearing asshole! That's right! You're an obnoxious, you're an obnoxious, overbearing ass! Abuse of power! You! Abuse of power! Cut me off! Come on! It's called abuse of power! You suck! You, I hate your guts. I hate your guts. You are a liar, you're a cheat, you're a scam, you are a no good son of a (mute). Fire me! I'm already fired! Fire me! I'm already fired!"

[Red Baron 0]

Back in 2000, 2001, Triple H promo about Fear against Stone Cold Steve Austin. Fucking awesome promo.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

"Dewey Foley is a three year old boy, you sick sons of bitches" is one of the best lines EVER, mainly due to Mick's awesome delivery.

 

Flair's ranting screaming of "Abuse of power" and stuff was great just because he looked as though he was completely out of his damn mind. I also loved Flair's speech on the last Nitro.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

^ Speaking of which, I'll post that too.

 

"Did I - Did I - WOOOO! - Did I - happen - to hear - Vince McMahon - say - he - was goin' - to hold - W - CW - in the palms - of his hands? Is that what he said? Does that mean that YOU are gonna hold Jack Brisco, Dory Funk, Harley Race, the Road Warriors, Sting, Luger, the Steiners, Bagwell, Ric Flair, Steamboat, does that mean you're gonna hold us all in the palm of your hand? To coin a phrase, I don't think so! You know, at twelve o'clock today, someone very special to me said 'do not go onto that show tonight knowin' it's the last time you'll ever be on TNT or TBS' - knowing it's the last time, she said to me 'don't go out there and cry - don't go out there and say your sorry' because I'm not - I've been fourteen times the world champion - in my eyes, one of the greatest, you got it! The greatest wrestling organisation in the world - WCW! WE...I'm talkin' about the Stinger, the Lugers, the Steiners, the Road Warriors - I'm talkin' about my best friend, Arn Anderson and the IV Horsemen - we have been on a par, and we have been equal to any wrestling organization in the world - as a matter of fact, we have run neck and neck with you, Vince McMahon, for years - for YEARS - and just for trivia, Vince McMahon, do you know that in 1981 when you were trying to become an announcer, your dad was on the board of directors and voted for ME to be the world champion - WOOOO! How 'bout that? And ever since that day, I have been a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin', son of a gun, that along with the whole WCW dammit all, have kissed the girls worldwide! And made 'em cry. 'cause ya see, we were every bit the force we were WCW - we lived, we breathed, we sweat, we paid the price to be the best - never been about the boys - it's always been WWF vs. WCW in the office - the boys that have gone out there, night in and night out, doing everything they could to be the very best at what they chose to do in their life - those boys are here toinght - we are. We're not going anywhere, you can't hold us in your hand and predict our life! We're WCW! We've bled and we've sweat - when was the last time you wrestled for an hour, cut yourself five times - bled for forty-five minutes - when - were - you - there - you weren't! You weren't! You were never in the dressing room, on the road forty days and forty nights, bleedin', sweatin', goin' to the next town, you weren't there, you can't hold people's lives in your hands. We're the greatest wrestling company of all time - I'm gonna say it again - you can't control us or our future, and in closing, let me say this - in all my years in this sport, my greatest opponent with this company has been Sting - so tonight, if we're going out, if we're going out on a high note, Stinger, the Nature Boy wants you right here, because - that's right - that's right - ya hear it, Sting? Sting, my greatest opponent - Sting, your last chance - your last chance to be... Sting! Sting Sting Sting Sting Sting - Sting! To be - the man, you've gotta beat the man, and Sting...I'M - THE - MAN - WOOOOO!"

[The Amazing Rando 0]

"It's never been about the boys in the back" is such a great little line

[JST 0]

I have Russo's Bash At The Beach shoot. I'll transcribe.

 

Edit - Aaaand here it is!

 

---

 

Hulk: Is this your deal, Russo? That's why the company's in the damn shape it's in because of bullshit like this!

 

(Hogan "pins" Jarrett to "win" the title. Russo comes back later in the evening.)

 

Russo: There's only one way for me to do this and that's for me to tell it like it is. Y'know, three weeks ago, I left WCW (pauses to let fans get their cheering out of their system)... three weeks ago, I left WCW and quite frankly I didn't know if I was gonna come back. And the reason I didn't know if I was gonna come back or not; is because from day one that I've been in WCW, I've done nothing ...nothing but deal with the bull-SHIT of the politics behind that curtain. The fact of the matter is, I've got a wife, I've got three kids at home and I really don't need this shit. But lemme tell you the reason why I did come back. I came back for every one of the guys in that lockerroom that week in, week out bust - their - ass for WCW! I came back for the Booker T's! I came back for every single guy in M.I.A.! I came back for the Animals! I came back for Jarrett! I came back for the guys behind that curtain that give a shit about this company!! And lemme tell you who doesn't give a shit about this company! That goddamn politician Hulk Hogan! 'Cause lemme tell you people what happened out here in this ring tonight. All day long I'm playing politics with Hulk Hogan! Because Hulk Hogan, tonight, wants to play his "creative control" card! And to Hulk Hogan that meant that tonight, in the middle of this ring, when he knew it was bullshit; he beats Jeff Jarrett!! Well guess what? Hogan got his wish! Hogan got his belt, and he went the hell home, and I promise everybody or else I'm goin' to the goddamn grave: you will never see that piece of shit again!! (mixed cheers and boos) But I also--I sat out there in the people, just like you and I know you paid good money to come here tonight and nobody is gonna be ripped off here tonight. So Hulk Hogan now has the WCW belt, and Hulk, let's refer to that as the 'Hulk Hogan Memorial Belt', because from here on in; that belt don't mean shit!! (crowd pops) Because there will be a new WCW belt, and as far as I'm concerned that belt still belongs to the one guy that busts his ass week in and week out in the middle of this ring. And you people can love him and hate him but he doesn't screw anybody back there and that's Jeff Jarrett! (crowd boos) Now hold on a minute... Jeff Jarrett is still the official WCW champion, BUT... he will defend that title in this ring tonight! And he will defend that title against the son of a bitch back there who for 14 years has been bustin' his ass in WCW and can't get a goddamn break because of Hulk Hogan! And I'm talkin' about Booker T! (crowd perks up) Booker T and Jeff Jarrett are the two reasons why I'm in this damn stinkin' business to begin with! So tonight, in this ring, for the WCW title, two deserving guys; Jarrett and Booker will compete for the WCW and they'll tear this goddamn house down! And Hogan you big bald son of a bitch, kiss - my - ass!!

[tommytomlin 0]

This thread looks empty without Arn Anderson's 'my spot' retirement speech from 1997. It's infamous for the nWo spoof the next week, but it was awesome in itself.

 

"Well Gene, all I can tell ya. To get a response like this makes what I got to say tonight mean that much more. Ya see. I'm a realist. As everybody knows, I've got average size and speed and average ability. But I've parlayed that into what I would call a very successful career, and I did that on sheer will alone. But another reality is, four months ago they took four vertebrae out of my neck. Consequently, I'm left with a hand - my left hand - too weak to hold a glass, too weak to button a button.

 

But I thought in my mind, I knew in my mind I could overcome that too through sheer will. And I was doing just like that. I think I've come back a long way, but the other day I had something happen in the gym that was like a cold slap in the face of reality. A guy about your size Gene, came up and he slapped me on the back and he said, "Double A, where ya been? We haven't seen you on TV." And just that slap sent a jolt through me and I dropped the water I was drinking and just for a second my system shut down. And it became crystal clear as I watched the few little drops of water draining out of that bottle the symbolism that was involved. It was like someone had turned an hourglass over and the sand was runnin' out on the career of Arn Anderson.

 

Now the fact of the matter is, not only do I put myself in a suicide situation by trying to wrestle again, I endanger these two men's career's and I respect them too much for that. And rather than being anything other than "The Enforcer" in my best friend's eyes, I'd rather walk away. And for all of you people out there that have ever bought a ticket to see Arn Anderson wrestle, whether ya love me or you hated me, you know that when that bell rang you got all I had that night. Whether I won. Whether I lost. I gave you everything I had, and you knew that. And when you did this to me (held up the four fingers), that was your acknowledgement. Well, the fact is, I got nothing left to give. And I want you to remember me as I was, not as I am. But being the man that I am, my last act formally as a Horseman, I got one last challenge. And that is to you, Curt Henning.

 

And don't misunderstand me, it's not for a fight. You got something special. I've seen you in the ring. Your skills, your maturity, your commitment to excellence make you something special. And what my challenge is to you, Curt. Is stand beside my best friend, Ric Flair, and lead these two men back to the prominence that The Four Horsemen once had. And I'm going to tell you what your prize is. It's not a spot in The Horsemen. This is worth a lot more than that to me. I'm going to give you the only thing I got left. Not a spot. I'll give you my spot."

[Team Angle Pusher 0]

I love that HBK Montreal promo from 2005. I still have it on my PC, I've watched it a thousand times already. I just love how he plays the crowd and I still get chills when Bret Hart's theme plays and the crowd goes beserk.

[Dewe 0]

More Arn Anderson goodnes:

"I asked for a little of WCW's valuable time. I never ask for anything but I called in a marker on this one. You see, something's either happened or is about to happen of unbelievable magnitude. A couple of years ago, I was in Japan wrestling and I saw a kid named Chris Benoit. And it just flew off the page. That's a Horseman. I went to WCW officials. I played a very big part in getting Chris Benoit here. And he's exceeded all of our expectations. And I told him, the first rule is, Chris, anything you want in this sport, the road doesn't rise up to meet any man. You've got to reach out there and take it. But, you see there's an unwritten rule, also. A cardinal rule. It doesn't just apply to wrestling or sports. It applies to every, every, every aspect of a man's life. Number one, you take care of your family. Rule number two, you don't mess around in another man's family. You see, I know now that you're in Germany. We can't find Woman. We deduce whatever we will. The fact of the matter is, Chris, there's going to come a time, and it's not that far down the road. You see, I've got more age and years. I've got more age in the business, in this great sport. And age denotes wisdom. There's going to come a time in my life and in your life when there's no more cameras. No more TV lights. No more people running up to you at the mall saying, "Can I have your autograph?" And whether you walk away from this great sport, or whether you limp away, or whether they roll you away in a wheelchair, the one constant will always be in your life, is your family. They're there. They pat you up when you're hurt. They prop you up. They build your ego up. And they send you back out that door. Well, Chris, I'm just going to ask you one time. Is this obsession with destroying every aspect of Kevin Sullivan's life worth losing your soul? Well, is it?"

[King Cucaracha 0]

I love Flair's speech from the last Nitro, because it's so crazy and there never seemed to be a huge reaction from the live crowd, but he was so commited to it.

 

"Did I - Did I - WOOOO! - Did I - happen - to hear - Vince McMahon - say - he - was goin' - to hold - W - CW - in the palms - of his hands? Is that what he said? Does that mean that YOU are gonna hold Jack Brisco, Dory Funk, Harley Race, the Road Warriors, Sting, Luger, the Steiners, Bagwell, Ric Flair, Steamboat, does that mean you're gonna hold us all in the palm of your hand?

 

I did laugh my ass off at that part though. How he named Bagwell in the middle of all these influencial figures in WCW and the NWA's history baffles me, it was so out of place.

 

 

Foley's "It's Not Worth It Anymore" promo in '98 the week after the Tag Title Cage Match is pretty underrated. Also, Cornette's "Age In The Cage".

[CanadianChris 0]

Speaking of Cornette, this was the first, and probably the best, of his weekly rants:

 

This is Jim Cornette, and the views that I'm about to express are not necessarily those of anybody else but me. But they ought to be. And as a matter of fact, they probably are.

 

You know, a lot of things in the wrestling world make me cranky these days. Especially the way some talent is treated and some talent is looked at, by not only the promoters, but some wrestling fans as well.

 

For example, a man like Arn Anderson, who just had to retire from this sport, after giving it his entire life, because of some injury he suffered. A guy like "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, who in my opinion, is one of the greatest talents in the history of this business. Guys like Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever you want to call him. Great talents in the WWF or WCW.

 

But who gets a lot of the attention, from the wrestling fans especially? Guys like the NWO, the New World Order. You know, all the fans think these guys are so cool and so sweet, and so funny. Well, as far as I'm concerned, the NWO is like a bunch of guys meeting out in the backyard in a clubhouse in a tree. They're guys who, all they have to do, they've got the easiest job in the world., all they have to do is go out there and be themselves. Childish, obnoxious, adolescent guys with a case of severe arrested emotional development, and a fixation on trying to act macho.

 

You've got a guy like Kevin Nash, 40 years old, trying to act like a teenager. Far as I'm concerned, the biggest "no talent" in the business. He's got six moves, no mobility, and enough timing to cover up for some of it. But what he does is he goes around and manipulates. Kevin Nash had a multi-million dollar promotional company, the WWF, push him to the moon to make him a star, and what does he do? He leaves, after he gives his word he's staying, so by the way, he's a liar, too, he leaves and he goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later.

 

You've got a guy like Scott Hall, who's a good wrestler, but good is about it. He's the best of the bunch. But he had the same million dollar promotional company make him a star, after being in the business 10 years without putting three asses in a seat. And what does he do? He goes to WCW for a big contract. Why? More on that later.

 

And then you've got a guy, Syxx, 1-2-3 Kid, his name's Sean Waltman. Whatever you want to call him. As far as I'm concerned, the only reason he's employed is because the other guys think he's funny when he gets drunk and throws up on himself. He has the distinction, in case you haven't noticed, of being the only guy since this wrestling war got started, that was released from a valid contract for one company to go to the other side, which shows you how valuable he is.

 

You know why they're all employed? Why they're all in the spot they are today? Because of Eric Bischoff. The boss of WCW, not the NWO. Look at the credits on the PPV, if you can get one for free. The idiot's name is on it. He's the boss of WCW. He works for Ted Turner, and he throws a billionaire's money around, just like water, so he can have guys that he likes to hang out with.

 

Because, even more than being a mark, yeah, for his own face and his own voice, Eric Bischoff is a guy who's a big fan of hanging around studly guys with long hair and beards, that smoke cigars, and ride Harley's, so that some of that can rub off on his little pansy-ass frame. So he takes that billionaire's money, and he throws that around like water to buy guys that he can hang around, to prove that his "johnson" is bigger than everybody else's.

 

And that's the sole reason the NWO guys are employed.

 

I think, me personally, that it's about time that the wrestling fans and the promoters, all of them in this business, start recognizing guys like "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, like Arn Anderson, like Cactus Jack. Guys who bust their ass, who work hard, and have ability and talent to get where they are. Instead of a bunch of guys that get to their spot by hanging around with the boss and sucking-up.

 

I'm Jim Cornette, and that's my opinion.

[JMFabiano524 0]

Hulk: Is this your deal, Russo? That's why the company's in the damn shape it's in because of bullshit like this!

 

Whenever I hear this part, I think of the song "Hulk Hogan On Crack" now...

[JN News 0]

I'm surprised that anyone has yet to mention the infamous Brian Pillman promo from ECW.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I wish I could find a transcript of it, but the one Jericho did in late April/early May of '98 after JJ Dillon signed Jericho/Malenko for SlamBoree with the stipulation that Malenko couldn't touch Jericho until the PPV.

 

I just remember that whole skit being amazing, and it ending with Jericho talking about how hard it was for Malenko's dad to be on the road when he and his brother were growing up, being away from his family...from his wife. And then how hard it must have been for his mother to raise two boys by herself, how she yearned for her husband...for the touch of a man.

 

And it ended with:

Jericho: "And have you ever noticed...how you and your brother...LOOK ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALIKE?!"

[JST 0]

I don't have that promo in particular, but I do have Jericho's introductions of the cruiserweight battle royal participants (which led to Dean's comeback).

 

---

 

DAVE PENZER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants..."

 

CHRIS JERICHO: "Hold on just one second here, David Penzer you unintelligible moronic high voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they'll never win it), but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here..."

 

"Coming out first from (?)(Sounds like Sunchimilko) Mexico, you'll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning, maybe."

 

"Next, from El Paso, Mexico, this guy used to be a great bar tender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. maybe a two in ten chance of winning."

 

"Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!"

 

"Then we got Damien. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that."

 

"Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look alike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy."

 

"Coming out next is the (?), feather weight pacer(?) champion, El Grillo."

 

"Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra."

 

"A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen."

 

"Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!"

 

"This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Evan Courageous, ladies and gents."

 

"Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!"

 

"And of course we've got Psychosis, he's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show."

 

"This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches he'll be upgraded to Golden King."

 

"This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny SSS.... Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven't. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance."

 

"And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62, from the Villano family, he is Villano IV."

 

"Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royale, I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will ever ever beat me for my belt!"

[Special K 0]

"And have you ever noticed...how you and your brother...LOOK ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALIKE?!"

 

Paraphrasing:

 

And you'll never win my belt! Because you're a loser! Just like your poor... dead... daddyyyy!!

[death_by_burrito 0]

That "Villanos 1 through 62" line is awesome. Had me cracking up for a long time. Damn do I miss Jericho.

[Guest Ether]

All the RVD/Sabu/Bill Alfonso promos from July 1997 through 1999 were great, but my favorite is a promo on ECW TV a few weeks before RVD's match against Bam Bam Bigelow in Buffalo, where he was supposed to "soften up" the TV champ for Sabu, who himself had a TV title match scheduled against Bigelow a few weeks afterward at Wrestlepalooza. Basically, it started out with RVD talking trash (with Alfonso constantly screaming "soften him up!" and Sabu saying nothing) and then RVD said he would "scar your [bigelow's] body", then stops and looks at an angry Sabu. So he starts over, talks trash again, then says he will knock out all of Bigelow's teeth, then pauses, and looks at Alfonso and realizes he messed up again. So he starts over again, talks trash, then says "Bam Bam Bigelow, I'm going to, I'm gonna" and then pauses, looks at Sabu and Alfonso, and says "I'll rip your head off." and looks back at Sabu and Alfonso, who both look on much more approvingly.