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Guest Tzar Lysergic

NFL Week Four

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Have nothing better to do at the office so here's my amateur predictions off the top of my head. Any resemblance to professional journalism is a miracle.

 

Atlanta @ Carolina: This is going to be a hot divisional game. Delhomme and Ryan amazingly have near mirror passing stats. Atlanta has a stronger running game but a lot of that is fueled by their week one performance @ Detroit with that monster showing by Turner. Going purely on experience, I pick Carolina. As far as I can tell they seem to have similar strengths and weaknesses.

 

Cleveland @ Cincinnati: Ok *someone* has to win this game (assuming no tie). Palmer is gimpy. But then so is a lot of play makers for the Browns. I don't like the depth behind Palmer (as of this writing they only have Harvard man Fitzpatrick). There is more pressure on Cleveland I feel. Cinci took the Giants to the wire last week. The Bengal offense seems to have been more potent thus far this season, and they are the home team. I'll spot them as the winner with a home field advantage.

 

Houstn @ Jacksonville: A critical AFC South match up to try and catch the....Titans? The Jags figured out how to win last week against the Colts. They've been more competitive in their games than the Texans. Houston has some good playmakers in Johnson, Slaton, and don't sleep on Ahman Green. Matt Schaub is bound to get on track otherwise get benched in favor of Sage Rosenfals (I can't be bothered to look the spelling up, I'm writing off the top my head here). Jack Del Rio is a great coach and I think he'll have them prepared to compete and not suffer a let down after a big win. Houston, I fear, won't get picked by too many people even if they do start winning. I'll take the Jaguars.

 

Denver @ Kansas City: I read somewhere that the QB carousel will continue in KC and Huard is going to start again. KC is in a state of confusion with no consistency. I mean Larry Johnson is alway great, and they have some good players on offense but they're not doing much of anything. And they have a guy marketed as the best football player in the draft, Glenn Dorsey, not exactly lighting the world on fire on the defensive side. I recognize this is a major division game and Cutler has good luck against the Chiefs. I smell a trap game though. I don't know why. I'm picking Denver though. I know there's an upset every week but I'm not committing to it here.

 

San Fransisco @ New Orleans: JT O'Sullivan visits the team that drafted him. I predict pain for the guy. I like JT but the Saints are looking for blood. Saints have a lot of injuries in the receiving corps. Their defense is suspect. Mike Martz is known for drawing up good offensive schemes and could have a field day on the Saints D. For some reason, Deuce has been dressing out but not playing because according to Sean Payton, "There's a difference between healthy and ready." Look I'm already annoyed with most of Payton's decisions (like drafting Robert Meachum last year instead of DEFENSE!) and if Deuce is healthy, the FREAKING PLAY HIM! In any case, I predict the Good Saints show up for the home crowd.

Arizona @ New York Jets: Man, who woulda thought in the preseason what a treat this game has the potential to be. I am envious of anyone that gets to watch it! The Cardinals are a surprise so far (which with the talent they have shouldn't be the case) and the Jets have Brett Favre! With Favre on a bad ankle, they'll be relying heavily on the running game. This will chew up clock. Its no secret that Arizona has on paper as dynamic of an offense as you will ever see with James, Warner, Fitzgerald, and Boldin plus my favorite FCS RB from the draft, Hightower. So lets assume they score quick. And the jets chew up clock like I predict. Honestly, I have no idea what is going to happen. You have to be balanced in the NFL. Right now, the Cardinals look to be the more balanced team. Granted, even injured, Brett Favre is still Brett Favre. I'm going with the trendy Cardinals though.

 

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay: It's the battle of the Bays! I'll be rooting for the Packers in this one so that the Bucs can get knocked down to .500 for my Saints. I know Green Bay is good. The Bucs, I watched them play the Saints. I've seen the highlights from their other games. Still I can't just get a good read on them. I feel like the Pack is a better 2-1 team.

Minnesota @ Tennessee: No! Tennessee is NOT really this good. Kerry Collins has no business being on an undefeated squad. Minnesota, I think, figured things out last week. Gus Ferotte balances things out more and they can not ride Adrian Peterson into a early retirement with excessive carries. Granted, he's questionable anyway but still, point stands. No team is going undefeated this season, and this week the reaper dials up Tennessee.

 

San Diego @ Oakland: Seriously, if the Chargers lose to the Raiders, Norv Turner is instantly on the hot seat. If the Raiders lose, well Monday morning should be fun to listen to the radio and watch the sports shows. I feel bad for Lane Kiffin. You don't want to turn down a head coaching job in the NFL because that's an awesome job to have, but heck man, Al Davis is freaking bonkers! Anyway, what can you say about the Chargers? They did some amazing things this past Monday night. Oakland is a lot like Arizona, talent wise. They have too much talent in that club to be so, I won't say bad, inconsistent. They can win. Heck they almost beat a very good Buffalo team. Still, I see San Diego taking this one.

 

Buffalo @ Saint Louis: The Bills are another surprise AFC team that is undefeated up to this point. Saint Louis, hating them right now is just like hating Forest Gump. He's completely harmless, why bother wasting your energy on him? There was some legit concern on PTI the other day about Trent Green getting on a football field, and I only wonder if Trent himself isn't a little nervous considering he should have retired the way things went down last season. I give the man props. I don't think benching Bulger was the right decision though. What can I say about Buffalo? I hope Trent Edwards keeps doing good because I don't like JP Losman. Lynch would have been rookie of the year last year (at least offensively) if Adrian Peterson had stayed in school. Remembering what I said about Tennessee how no one is going undefeated this season? That still applies, just not this week for Buffalo. They will win.

 

Washington @ Dallas: Dallas is flying high right now. They beat, talent wise, their closest NFC peer last week in a game that was very entertaining. Still, their defense, while coming through in a pinch, isn't the most comforting. For Dallas fans, anytime Campbell gets more than 3 seconds in the pocket, you should fret because receivers are getting open down field against the likes of Roy "15 yard Horse Collar Penalty" Williams, Adam "I should only be on the return team" Jones, Anthony Henry, and Terrance "Hope I don't Get hurt again" Newman. Williams, I think, is out though if I am remembering correctly, so good news, that stout, stellar, Courtney Brown will be taking over. And hey at least you got Zach Thomas out there at line backer. He gets an extra few inches for batting down passes when he raises his walker over his head and starts swinging it around. Dallas can score. There is no bones about that. I am a very big Tony Romo fan. I'm not talking crap to rile people up. But like the Saints in 2007, I'd be very angry that their top priority was (offense) a running back as low as they took good old Felix (I really like this kid regardless) instead of defense (I mean if they were going for Jenkins anyway and all) and why isn't their first round CB not playing? Frankly, I would have taken defense for both picks and if you want a running back, Kevin Smith from UCF lasted until the third round. But I'm just spouting off irrelevant things at this point. In any case, I think the Dallas O can out score the Redskin O. Their D needs to show up like they did against Cleveland and not like they did against Philly and to a lesser extent last week @ GB.

 

Philadelphia @ Chicago: "The Eagles are going to average 37.5 points over the first 2 games but only win one of them. THEN they'll score 15 points on the Steelers...and win. Also, the Bears are going to start Kyle Orton against the Colts...and win! But this team, which was suddenly good enough to beat the Colts, will lose the next 2 games!!!" Anyone making this statement in the preseason would hopefully be getting released from the mental institution this week. Philly is a good team. Chicago, has Matt Forte' from Tulane who is hopefully helping them forget about Cedric Benson. Devin Hester is hurt and questionable so that takes away their ace in the hole. I'm going to pick Philly on this one.

 

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh: Baltimore is 2-0 having one game postponed. They are 2-0 against teams that are stinking the place up right now. They have a rookie quarterback from FCS Delaware starting. And with the stable of running backs they have, they should really be lightning up the rushing stats. Which honestly, duh, you don't want a rookie QB just throwing it all over the field. Their defense? Well, it's the Ravens, stupid. Of course they have an admirable defense. The Steelers have Big Ben hurt. He's playing and he's not doing too much the last few weeks. Willie Parker is hurt, and rookie Rashad Mendenhall probably was about to have a good game except he text messaged Ray Rice, his friend, and said he'd have a good game. Rice, then showed the text to his buddies on defense. They weren't amused. #34 now has a big bulls eye on his back....front...whatever. This game is going to be ugly, dirty, and old fashioned football.If the combined score breaks 27 I'll be impressed, honestly. I'm picking the home team.

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My picks:

 

1:00 Games

ATL @ CAR - Both teams can run, but only the Panthers can actually stop the run, too.

CLE @ CIN - No Carson Palmer might actually be an improvement, but I doubt it. I still think the Browns are the better team.

HOU @ JAC - This should be a beatdown. Garrard will have a field day against the Texans secondary.

DEN @ KC - Another rout. With two rookies starting at corner, Cutler could throw for 400 yards.

SF @ NO - This will be close, but I don't trust the Niners on the road.

ARI @ NYJ - Cardinals should have won last week in Washington, and this Jets team isn't as good as the Redskins. Throw in a short week and a cross-country flight for New York and I have Arizona winning handily.

GB @ TB - With two evenly-matched teams, I always go for the home team. This won't be decided by more than a TD either way.

MIN @ TEN - Probably close and low-scoring, but I think the Titans are just better.

4:00 Games

SD @ OAK - The Chargers seem to have their confidence back, and the Raiders are just a mess.

BUF @ STL - I think the Bills have turned the corner as far as winning games they're supposed to goes.

WAS @ DAL - Redskins are improving, but the Cowboys are just way too good.

Night game

PHI @ CHI - I don't know how anyone can pick against any NFC East team right now.

 

MNF

BAL @ PIT - Upset of the week. Pittsburgh is in really rough shape offensively, and the Ravens D should be able to hold them to single digits and win an ugly one.

 

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Announcers for this week:

 

CBS

1:00

Denver @ Kansas City - Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf

Houston @ Jacksonville - Dick Enberg, Randy Cross

Cleveland @ Cincinnati - Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon

4:00

San Diego @ Oakland - Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

Buffalo @ St. Louis - Ian Eagle, Solomon Wilcots

 

fox

1:00

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay - Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa

Arizona @ NY Jets - Dick Stockton, Brian Baldinger, Brian Billick

San Francisco @ New Orleans - Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan

Atlanta @ Carolina - Ron Pitts, Tony Boselli

Minnesota @ Tennessee - Chris Myers, J.C. Pearson

4:00

Washington @ Dallas - Joe Buck, Troy Aikman

 

 

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So I have DEN/KC on CBS and ARI/NYJ on FOX. Bleh.

 

Thank goodness there's a Mythbusters marathon on Discovery right now.

 

Same here. There aren't many teams I could care less about than the Chiefs, and the Jets look so ugly today (and I mean what they're wearing, not what they're doing) that I don't really even want to watch that game either. Only 2 1/2 hours til the Cowboys game..

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Guest Tzar Lysergic

Derek Anderson is an embarassingly bad QB. Trust me, I know bad QBs. He stinks. Can't pick up pressure. Overthrows open guys..yecch.

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What a chain of action in the Cleveland/Cincinnati game. Fitzpatrick breaks a tackle, throws a pick to Wright and Wright fumbles the ball right back to the Bengals. Both QB's are horrible here.

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And Warren Sapp has just rushed the field and blindsided Chad Clifton! Oh, my! Goodness gracious! In all my years of watching little lines move on NFL.com, I've never heard secondhand of anything so dramatic.

 

 

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Make that 34-0. Maybe Matt Leinart wasn't the problem.

 

I'm following little lines on nfl.com. How did they get the ball back? Surprise onside kick or something?

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