I have manic depressive/bipolar disorder type 2.

[Matt Young 0]

Also, DopUssy, I think you may be bipolar. I think I may be, too, but not nearly to the same extent. Look into that. There's no shame in it. You can be helped.

 

Over the last 2 months, I have been evaluated by a therapist and, eventually, a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed as bipolar/manic depressive (same thing for those who don't know) and it was narrowed down to bipolar type 2:

 

http://www.depression-guide.com/bipolar-ii-disorder.htm

 

On December 31st, my psychiatrist prescribed Abilify. I am going in tomorrow for a checkup. The stuff seems to be working fine so far, but I'm far from being "cured" (well, absent of symptoms the majority of the time; there is no cure). It's only been 2 weeks, and I'm not sure what normal feels like, anyway.

 

I've been experiencing symptoms since I was 15. I just had no idea what the cause might be. My mom and especially my stepdad, who carried the influence in the house and was abusive both verbally and physically, claimed that nothing was wrong with me and that, despite my academic intelligence and intentions to accomplish things, I was a worthless prick who chose to be lazy.

 

It took years of problems, a couple suicide attempts in my teens that I realized later on were the worst possible idea especially since it was over stupid shit, and a drinking problem/eating disorder combo that lasted for 4 years before I was able to even get on the right path. It took another 2 and a half years for me to figure out what my problem might be and to get treatment.

 

Here are some of the symptoms I've experienced over the last 9 years, most of them being recent but some stopped or were stopped years ago:

 

Depressive symptoms:

 

* Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”

* Loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, including sex

* Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty

* Sleeping too little or too much

* Changes in weight or appetite

* Feeling tired or having little or no energy

* Feeling restless

* Problems concentrating or making decisions

* Thoughts of death or suicide (no suicide for me; just worries about death)

 

 

Manic symptoms:

 

* Increased energy level

* Less need for sleep

* Racing thoughts or mind jumps around

* Easily distracted

* More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking

* More self-confident than usual

* Focused on getting things done, but often completing little

 

Other problems linked to bipolar disorder include:

 

* Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia

* Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

* Social phobia

* Substance abuse

 

So that's the gist of it. I don't feel like writing more now because I'm tired from little to no sleep over the past 2 days (not unusual for me). But today is the first time I have shared this information with anyone besides a few close friends and family. If you want to ask anything, I'll answer later.

 

I'm sorry to the people who I know I offended or treated badly due to this illness and its effects. Don't get me wrong- Regardless of reason or cause, a man is still responsible for his own actions. I did what I did, and I am accountable. But I hope, given the circumstances, no one will hold that against me.

[The Niggardly King 0]

you pussy

[Guest Smues]

[bob_barron 0]

Depressive symptoms:

 

* Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”

[Matt Young 0]

Well yeah, everyone has that one, just not usually as pronounced.

 

Smues, nice pic. There's an animal orb in Castle Crashers called Bipolar Bear who attacks the injured, whether friend or foe.

 

EDIT: Holy shit! Bob capitalized his name and removed the underscore.

[Dandy 0]

Oh boy, where do I begin?

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you are able to gain the normalcy you are looking for, Matt.

[Guest Czech please!]

My friend went on neuroleptics and has since been institutionalized for attempted suicide three times already. Hope your family life is stable.

[Matt Young 0]

Dandy, this is what I was referring to when I said I had something to say about your comment regarding me getting better at taking things on the board less seriously. This is a big reason- my treatment. And thank you.

 

Czech, my family life is quite good at the moment. My stepdad's been out of the picture for 2 years (left while I was in Illinois and he was out here) so that huge problem has long been solved.

 

 

[Copper Feel 0]

Other problems linked to bipolar disorder include:

 

* Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia

* Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

* Social phobia

* Substance abuse

* EHME

 

In all seriousness, I hope whatever coping methods you find go well for you.

[Dandy 0]

The pressing issue is how will this effect "The Guns?"

[Maztinho 0]

The pressing issue is how will this effect "The Guns?"

 

We naming his facial expression now? Cause that'd be a freakin' kickass name for his smug one.

 

"I am Matt Young, behold... The Guns."

 

*half-smirk*

[Dandy 0]

Either that, or it could be the tried and true reference to a person's biceps/arms.

[Maztinho 0]

Bah! The Smug facial expression I say!

[bob_barron 0]

Well yeah, everyone has that one, just not usually as pronounced.

 

Smues, nice pic. There's an animal orb in Castle Crashers called Bipolar Bear who attacks the injured, whether friend or foe.

 

EDIT: Holy shit! Bob capitalized his name and removed the underscore.

 

Blame Czech

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

My friend went on neuroleptics and has since been institutionalized for attempted suicide three times already. Hope your family life is stable.

 

I was going to ask if the other shoe was ready to drop. Those meds could do more harm than good. Hope they do all good. Getting out of the Midwest was definitely a good start.

[EL BRUJ0 0]

Now how's this gonna affect word usage of Matt Youngin' it? Throw some arithmetics on it?

 

"I blasted the hell outa my triceps today then I smoked some fry with my homies before runnin' a train on a ho. Fuck, I was +Matt Youngin' it hard, son!"

 

"I couldn't even get out of bed this morning so I called in sick to work and slept on and off all day. Sigh, -Matt Youngin' it again.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

I've often considered letting internet strangers who I've never met in real life into what really goes on inside my head and what a mental case I think I've become over the past few years (or maybe even since I was a kid), but then I worry people would think differently about me and perhaps not vote for me in the 2009 Poster of the Year Tournament. Then again, that sort of thing seems to have worked out well for others. In seriousness, in this day and age, my paranoia and other such issues are probably more 'normal' than ever before and nothing worth writing TSM about.

[Turbo Lion 0]

Glad you're trying medications. Hopefully your doctors understand that that's a fluid process and will continue working, if these aren't the right meds for you, to find the right ones.

 

My sister is an uncontrolled bi-polar/manic. She's completely fucked her life up and refuses to learn - largely because she's at such a stage that she just doesn't think rationally anymore. Like... ever.

 

And if people give you shit for it, ignore them. It's ignorance, plain and simple. We don't get pissy with diabetics for having to treat what is essentially a chemical issue in their bodies, why do we think the brain is any different?

 

G'luck.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Why do we think the brain is different than the pancreas? I have no idea!

 

Racket to sell pills. Sorry Matt, but you're a sucker. Been there.

 

Oh, and Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors are the most horribly dangerous drugs ever invented by man, too.

[Guest Czech please!]

And if people give you shit for it, ignore them. It's ignorance, plain and simple. We don't get pissy with diabetics for having to treat what is essentially a chemical issue in their bodies, why do we think the brain is any different?

Now that's ignorance. Psychoactive drugs should really only be for who are so functionally impaired that they can't possibly survive in daily life, which may very well be your sister, but "it's just a chemical imbalance" is mostly propaganda from an industrial complex (health care/pharmaceuticals) with quite an interest in balancing your chemicals. I've never gotten the impression that Matt is so irretrievable that scrambling his brain with drugs is the only way he won't endanger himself and others.

 

I don't think Matt's on an SSRI, it might be I'm not sure, but it's all scary shit. Look at these side effects!

Common side effects: Akathisia, headache, unusual tiredness or weakness, nausea, vomiting, an uncomfortable feeling in the stomach, constipation, light-headedness, trouble sleeping, restlessness, sleepiness, shaking, and blurred vision.

 

Uncommon side effects: Uncontrollable twitching or jerking movements, tremors, seizure, and weight gain. Some people may feel dizzy, especially when getting up from a lying or sitting position, or may experience a fast heart rate.

 

Rare side effects: Combination of fever, muscle stiffness, faster breathing, sweating, reduced consciousness, and sudden change in blood pressure and heart rate (neuroleptic malignant syndrome).

 

Very rare side effects: Allergic reaction (such as swelling in the mouth or throat, itching, rash), increased production of saliva, speech disorder, nervousness, agitation, fainting, reports of abnormal liver test values, inflammation of the pancreas, muscle pain, weakness, stiffness, or cramps.

 

As with all antipsychotic medication, patients using aripiprazole may develop the permanent neurological disorder tardive dyskinesia.

Nausea, constipation, headache? I don't want any of that. And tardive dyskinesia! Shit! You're gonna start compulsively pacing in circles to fight off the shakes. Nurses call it "the schizophrenic shuffle." What a miserable One Flew Over... existence that must be.

[Turbo Lion 0]

Why do we think the brain is different than the pancreas? I have no idea!

 

Racket to sell pills. Sorry Matt, but you're a sucker. Been there.

 

Oh, and Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors are the most horribly dangerous drugs ever invented by man, too.

 

I'd say that's a fallacious redirect, though. The pancreas is different than the brain, but the central problem - an organ isn't manufacturing something needed for healthy living - is still the same. No shame in medicating it.

 

Which is not to say there's not some legwork involved in actively working to interact with our thinking - there is. I've worked hard to meet and dismantle a lot of my OCD tendencies and I've come a long way. Believe me, I'm aware of the power of learning to think well. But not treating a chemical issue won't make that process any easier. It may make it harder.

[Guest Czech please!]

The pancreas is different than the brain, but the central problem - an organ isn't manufacturing something needed for healthy living - is still the same. No shame in medicating it.

Okay, SP, how many diabetics shoot up their high schools because of their insulin treatments? The human brain is complicated and delicate beyond our reckoning and yet we're complacent to treat it with chemical carpet bombs. To clarify your last sentence by making its subject the overzealous doctors beholden to the pharmaceutical industry, yes, there is often a lot of shame in the medicating that they do.

[Turbo Lion 0]

That's not ignorance at all, Czech. That's fucking experience. My sister and her son are both diagnosed with this. It runs in my family. I deal with people who ignore the problem, and who are constantly held back by it all the time. And by held back I mean are so irrational in their swings that they end up in criminal trouble. It's ignorant to take a stance of refusing to treat the issue with anything other than sheer willpower for... what? A belief that it's a conspiracy to sell more pills?

 

I'm not telling him to remain uneducated about suggested treatments and their side effects. Keeping up with that should be obvious. If there are problems, he needs to immediately report to his doctor - and if his doc keeps pushing something at him he needs a 2nd and maybe 3rd opinion. Being aware and educated about your treatment is a must. But I am saying that this, "people don't need the medicines" stuff is bullshit. It's dangerous macho bullshit at that.

 

There's nothing wrong with treatment. Be smart about it, keep up with it and find a doctor willing to work with you to find the right combination of elements. But assert yourself and go in armed with knowledge.

[Turbo Lion 0]

And one of those elements is also counseling. Which he seems to be involved with.

 

And you're right, the brain is complex. The teenage brain is crazy - studies have shown that teens generally don't have a fully developed center for decision making - no doubt a factor in the school shooting fad. But unless I'm mistaken, he's in his twenties when that should be evening out. I think he's just a year younger than me (I'm 25).

 

I'm not advocating a blind pharmaceutical haze at all. Perhaps I was wrong to omit the rest of the things I've said here. He needs to be aware and educated and be involved in the process, not blindly following a single doctor to hell and back. No, no... that's dangerous for anyone to do for any treatment situation.

 

But the notion that many have that pursuing treatment is wrong somehow is... well, unhealthy.

[Retard Girl 0]

Effexor > all

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

I'm gonna jump in with SpiderPoet and say that, as a former user of an SSRI and the current user of tricyclic antidepressant, they have been very beneficial. The only side effect that I experience with the tricyclic antidepressant is drowsiness, but I had trouble sleeping anyway so I just take it at night. The only side effect I experienced with the SSRI was being able to bone for many hours straight.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I think the problem with this is many people filling out prescriptions still think that almost every brain can be manipulated the same way, or they just don't care at all and wanna get paid. Nearly everything has an effect on the brain, and stuff like this that can change the whole molecular breakdown of a brain can be downright fucking frightening.

 

But, if it can provide a relief for some that they can't find elsewhere... by all means medicate. My self-medication depends on copious amounts of cheeba.

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

Effexor > all

 

On it. Combined with some pretty intensive psychotherapy, it's made overcoming depression a lot easier.

 

I think Czech has a point (re: pharma-industrial complex), but SP is right. Education is a must in situations such as these. I went for a year on strictly anti-depressants without a combined therapy route due to both my own personal insecurities as well as a general ignorance to the complexities inherent in mental health. Upon beginning psychoanalysis with my shrink, I found that a lot of the issues which caused my depression were a lot easier to deal with and manage.

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

Also, upon looking at my signature I was reminded of a girl I knew with BiPolar II, who was also a serious cocaine fiend. Girl was completely unglued by the time I lost contact with her.

[Guest Czech please!]

studies have shown that teens generally don't have a fully developed center for decision making - no doubt a factor in the school shooting fad.

The factor in "the fad" is that they're improperly medicated with chemicals that cause unforeseen effects on unique and unpredictable brains.

 

I'm not saying that the mentally ill should suck it up and live with it, I'm saying that there are more amenable treatments that are discouraged by the health care, insurance, and pharmaceutical industries. It's a systemic thing: people should educate and assert themselves, but they don't, because in a lot of cases they can't, and so they become participants in this whole racket to their detriment and in worst-case scenarios the detriment of others. It's not enough to just say "they're chemical imbalances, learn to care" and wave off the bigger problems of mental health. Insurance would rather cover drugs than talking. Why is that?

 

Personal anecdote that's been posted here hundreds of times in seven years: I was put on Ritalin in 3rd grade at the behest of my teacher with the tenuous approval of a psychiatrist who thought I was borderline for any treatment. The threat was that if I didn't go on it, she'd have me removed from the class and placed in learning disability full-time (I was in the gifted program at the time, go fig). My parents, always way too pliable in the hands of school bureaucracies, didn't see fit to fight this, and the doctor didn't want to complicate matters either, and so my say in being put on psychoactive drugs was pretty small. The whole experience was so unspeakably miserable and scarring that I won't allow myself anything more than the caffeine in a cup of darjeeling to affect my higher functions, and this whole thing, along with my smattering of psychology courses, has imbued me with a real skepticism and fear of what goes on here w/r/t all these monoliths.