The Agent of Oblivion question of the day

[... 0]

You have been granted the trio powers of intangibility, invisibility, and teleportation. You are instantly able to travel anywhere on Earth at any time, from the birth of all life on earth to the Tunguska Explosion to the communal shower of the girls' dorm. The catch is that you only have fifteen minutes to use it before these powers are stripped from you.

 

How do you spend your fifteen minutes?

[Fuzzy Dunlop 0]

Go back in time and beat the crap outta myself when I was a kid, then tell the young me to be a man.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

Grays. Sports. Almanac.

 

That and spying on some naked celebrities / people who I know and aren't at all famous but hot, take the time to see what was really going down in the Land Before Time, and I have time, save Phil Hartman.

[Boner Kawanger 0]

Grays. Sports. Almanac.

 

That and spying on some naked celebrities / people who I know and aren't at all famous but hot, take the time to see what was really going down in the Land Before Time, and I have time, save Phil Hartman.

 

Thanks, this gives me time to go to that restaurant I like. After that, I'd find Osama and use the reward to fund all the evil rape schemes I didn't have time for while I was eating.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

If intangibility gave me the power to distort the space time continuum enough that I could visit cartoon lands, I may have to rethink my plan.

 

I'm also reminded of a classic Moe line, "Now to go back in time and get me some caveman hookers!"

[muzz 0]

Go back and kill Hitler in 1924.

[The Niggardly King 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

[Nighthawk 0]

I'd go back to fifteen minutes before you asked this question and punch you in the face.

[Gary Floyd 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

 

[Jingus 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

That is pretty much the obvious answer. But maybe there's a "genie won't let you wish for more wishes" firewall of some kind. Given that? I'd spend a couple minutes on the grassy knoll finding out who killed JFK, and then go rob a bank and become a millionaire.

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

I'd go back to fifteen minutes before you asked this question and punch you in the face.

 

I'd go back 15 minutes before that, and warn COOS.

 

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

[At Home 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

That is pretty much the obvious answer. But maybe there's a "genie won't let you wish for more wishes" firewall of some kind. Given that? I'd spend a couple minutes on the grassy knoll finding out who killed JFK, and then go rob a bank and become a millionaire.

 

Everyone knows it was Derek Zoolander.

[King Cucaracha 0]

EDIT: Nevermind.

[King Cucaracha 0]

But that's not a funny answer, so I'd take a detour and stop myself from posting the above.

 

EDIT: HOLY SHIT I DID IT!

[daileyxplanet 0]

Go to the future to get clean energy. Bring it back to the present. Then kill Hitler, Stalin, Obama, Hussein.

[Brett Favre 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

That is pretty much the obvious answer. But maybe there's a "genie won't let you wish for more wishes" firewall of some kind. Given that? I'd spend a couple minutes on the grassy knoll finding out who killed JFK, and then go rob a bank and become a millionaire.

 

Everyone knows it was Derek Zoolander.

 

But why male models?

[The Niggardly King 0]

Cuz Reggie Jackson always botches the job.

[Smues 0]

I jump ahead and get future winning lotto numbers, then come back and win the lotto. Money baby, money.

[Mike wanna be 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

I was going to say "Go forward in time to the point where the powers come without a time limit", myself.

 

Barring that, I'd go back to the time of Jesus, Mohammed, shit like that.

I'd spend the first 10 minutes doing various miracles & shit, and then leave, proclaiming that I will have my "Second Coming" on the day I will be born.

 

At which point, I return to a few years after my birth to obtain my rightful place as the Chosen One, with 3-4 minutes to spare. I use this time to pull out a couple miracles to solidify any naysayers.

 

As the time limit expires and my power fizzles, I help child me claim I am channeling all my mystical powers to save Earth from unseen demons (hence why I can't do any more fun miracles), and will need constant worship to keep up my mystic power resources to save the planet (coupled with a hearty dose of "I could've wiped them out by now if you people had worshiped a little harder while I was gone" to guilt-trip them into doing it).

[Lord of The Curry 0]

I'd have to spend at least a minute or two, invisible, on set of a lesbian gang-bang porno. Then I'd end up blowing my cover when I bust a nut and one of the girls notices that a massive load just flew out of thin air onto her face.

[Czech please! 0]

Something I always wanted to do with time travel would be to spend modern dollars in a time when inflation had yet to make them worth less. The flaw, of course, is that the dates on a lot of the currency would be from the future, and I'd be in trouble for counterfeiting, or burned at the stake for being a witch.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Put a bunch of money on a Super Bowl upset from years ago.

[TheFranchise 0]

Distort shit enough to keep my powers. Then I go about my merry way.

I was going to say "Go forward in time to the point where the powers come without a time limit", myself.

 

Barring that, I'd go back to the time of Jesus, Mohammed, shit like that.

I'd spend the first 10 minutes doing various miracles & shit, and then leave, proclaiming that I will have my "Second Coming" on the day I will be born.

 

At which point, I return to a few years after my birth to obtain my rightful place as the Chosen One, with 3-4 minutes to spare. I use this time to pull out a couple miracles to solidify any naysayers.

 

As the time limit expires and my power fizzles, I help child me claim I am channeling all my mystical powers to save Earth from unseen demons (hence why I can't do any more fun miracles), and will need constant worship to keep up my mystic power resources to save the planet (coupled with a hearty dose of "I could've wiped them out by now if you people had worshiped a little harder while I was gone" to guilt-trip them into doing it).

I'm a fan of yours.

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

Do whatever for 14 minutes, then go back to the beginning of the 15 minutes to do something else. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

Go to the future to get clean energy. Bring it back to the present. Then kill Hitler, Stalin, Obama, Hussein.

 

Did you mean Osama?

 

I would kill Pol Pot or someone like that over Saddam.

[daileyxplanet 0]

The catch is. If I kill Stalin, then Communism wouldn't be the trend of the 20th Century, therefore averting the Cuban Missile Crisis and malarkey like that.

 

EDIT: [canned response]Yes that was merely a mistake. I intended to kill Osama Bin Laden, NOT Barack Obama. Please do not notify Homeland Security. Please.[/canned response]

[At Home 0]

Communism was a trend? Only one country in the Eastern Bloc freely voted to become Communist. And you know that Trotsky did exist, right? Kaminev, Zenoviev? All those guys?

[Art Sandusky 0]

I'm going to have to second (third? fourth?) the lottery idea after apprehending bin Laden and bringing him back here for trial and execution.

[At Home 0]

You wouldn't even need the lottery at that point, bin Laden has a hefty ransom on his head.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

I'd travel back to the first Suicide practices in a loft in New York City in 1974. I would work on the organ sounds with much patience. Then I'd go to when Captain Beefheart started up his first band. I'd tell him, "Don't do it that way. You'll never make a dime." Then, if I had time left, I'd go to Jamaica during the great soundclashes. Afterward, I would come back, and tell everyone, "I was there."