Plot: Dr. Obrero * (Dan O' Brien) is experimenting on corpses on a remote Island. Well, an expedition team (which includes Zombi 2's Ian McCulloch) ends up on the island-and runs into the Docotor, who has some plans-as well as cannibals and zombies-in store for them.
Review: Titled "Dr Butcher M.D." when it came to video in the 80's, "Zombie Holocaust" is an interesting-and fun-blend of two different kinds of Italian Gore flicks: The Italian Zombie movie, and the Italian Cannibal movie-only without any of the animal torture and mutilation of the later.
The movie has some nice gore (surgical and otherwise-including an awesome motorboat engine to the head death) and nudity to liven things up, as well as a fun score and tons of camp. Also, unlike other Italian gore flicks of the time, the movie features a little intentional humor to go with it ("The patients screaming disturbed me, performed removal of vocal chords"-that line always gets me), which after the downbeat feeling of Fulci's zombie movies, is something of a breath of undead air. It's nice to see an Italian gore flick that doesn't take itself too seriously for a change.
If there is any problem, it's that the zombie aspect feels rather underplayed, as they aren't used for much. Sure, there's that aforementioned death by boat motor, but they don't do a whole lot to threaten the team, as the cannibals are more of a threat.
Still, "Zombie Holocaust" is a blast of exploitation that fans of over the top Italian Horror might enjoy. I know I did.
*In case you ever wondered where I got the old username Dr Obrero, now you know.
Rating: 3/10 as a zombie movie, but 8/10 as a fun exploitation movie. I recommend it.
Plot: Zombies rise from an nuclear power plant (built on top of an Indian Battle Ground-oh no!) and attack Kansas.
Before I get to reviewing this, it's time for a history lesson. You see, in the 80's, we started to see really (and I mean really) low budget horror. Granted, microbudget horror is nothing new. People were churning out cheap exploitation made for crackerjack money back in the 60's and 70's. The 80's though, gave us a new device: the camcorder. That's right,now anyone could do their own backyard effort. Also, it should be known that the 60's-70's microbudget directors at least had some sort of experience in the business of film and television. The folks with camcorders though, didn't. If there is any consolation, the 1982 shot-on-video "classic" Boardinghouse received a theatrical release in Grindhouse theaters, and is watchable in a what the fuck did I just watch way.
The 90's were a dark time to be a horror fan. Sure, Scream came out and gave horror another chance, but it unfortunately lead to a series of poor imitators and inferior sequels, giving the movie some unneeded (but predictable) scorn from angry virgins. The Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, but Hollywood didn't want to call it horror, when it clearly was. Oh, and while there were still zombie movies, they were few and far between. So, that lead to the greatest catastrophe to come to horror from the 90's to this millennium(I think they ended in 2002): the Shot on Camcorder zombie movie. These movies offered something studio horror didn't offer: full on hardcore gore, sexual content, nudity, and zombie mayhem. Sadly, they were done by people with no experience whatsoever in the field of film making, which meant that they were all horrible in every conceivable level, and not in a so bad it's good way. I mean in a so bad it's bad way. Imagine watching somebody's home videos/home movies for about 80-90 minutes. There you go.
Now, on to our
Review: This is actually the first in trilogy of films from "filmmaker" Todd Sheets, who admits his movies are unwatchable. Instead of reviewing it, here's what you have in store:
Terrible, rubbery gore
A man named Sam (modeled after Sam Kinison) doing a speech about his dead goldfish Butthead.
The worse handlebar mustache every committed to anything.
Horrible attempts at exposition.
No real plot to speak of.
Bad gore and make up effects.
Terrible attempts at gags.
The fact that, just like in every other Shot on Camcorder zombie movie, nobody involved had any previous acting experience.
I think you get the point. I've already suffered through it. Don't let it happen to you.
Rating: 0/10. You'd have more fun watching a home video of a colostomy than watching this. Avoid at all costs.
I love you tube. You love it too. Here's some videos I love.
-Excited Pug. This is the best video ever.
-My Passive-Aggressive, Obssessive-Compulsive, T-Rex Boss
Lex Luger is pissed now Predictable, but still good.
-House of Cosbys episode 2 worth it for the themesong
-BARBERIC! Movie over Ted stevens
-Cooking with Scorpion
Remember one of Czech's old avatars?
-Bernie and Ert No, I don't know either
hope ya like.
Well, things are same as always. I have a big paper/essay/whatever to do for my buisiness writing class that's due in about two weeks. I started it today, so I'm going to finish it tomorrow. Then it's a presentation for that class, which I'll start on Monday.
Well, I saw a USA Today poll two days ago on Olberman, and it seems that Tom Cruise is more popular than Bush. Granted, he's not a politician, and it's by 4%, but still, that says something.
You know, I don't watch Smackdown, but I' do see the spoilers to it, and I have a question: If Rey's champ, then what's the point to jobbing out in squash matches every week? Could somebody please answer this for me. Also Leena, don't take this as an insult, but I have a question for you: why on Earth do you like Great Khali, because from what I've heard about him, he's awful.
The weather over here has been miserable. It's going to rain all week according to The Weather channel and the local news. Hows the weather for you guys?
That's all for now. Next time: I rate the new albums of this year so far.
Man, only one response? I must have the most boring blog in this place.
Anyways, I'm mostly posting today out of boredom. So, here's a list I made up, out of boredom.
8 things in music, and things about music fans, that annoy me.
1.) Bands who do entire albums either without a title, or without a song title. Really, it's the most pretentious thing on Earth. Examples of artists who have done this include Sigur Ros, Merzbow, and Farmers Manual. While I like Merzbow and Sigur Ros, I still find this annoying.
2.) People who constantly go on about what Punk was about back in the day. You wanna know something? Nobody will ever really know what punk was about, because it was about a lot of things. It wasn't about just one single thing.
3.) People who complain about Hip Hop. This usually comes from 1.) Classic Rock and Prog Rock fans, 2.) Jazz Snobs, and 3.) Racist Halfwits. Basically, the same kind of people who will debate Pink Floyd (who I love) or John Coltrane (not a diss on Coltrane, since I also love his work), but are either too boring, or too self important to recognize something different and innovative now and then. Just remember this rock snobs: You may badmouth someone like Acelyone, but remember that there was a time when the bands you loved were dismissed.
4.) Ridiculously long album titles. This is very common in the world of Post Rock (i.e. A Silver MT. Zion, GYBE!). While I do enjoy Post Rock, this really gets on my nerves.
5.) Tool fans. Most of the Tool fans I've encountered are incredibly boring pseudo-intellecualist pricks. Also, most ICP fans I've encountered are complete retards. Carnival is probably the only ICP fan I've discovered on the net who doesn't annoy me.
6.) Frank Zappa fans. Not really a complaint, but more of an observation: On every message board on the internet, there is someone who go on and on about Frank Zappas brilliance. Again, not a diss or complaint, just an observation.
7.) People who dismiss Pitchfork, but embrace other pretentious, scenester music websites. Sure, I think Pitchfork sucks, but people wh go on about why it sucks, but then embrace an equally pretentious webpage like Brainwashed are basically like the pot calling the kettle black.
8.) People who call you an idiot for liking a certain band. It seems like your not allowed to like bands like The Killers these days, because if you do, you'll have somebody call you an idiot, or go on a pointless rant (much like this one) about why they think that band sucks. Well, sorry that I haven't praised whatever new Sufjan Stevens album has come out, but there are bands that I can't bring myself to hate, so shove it hipsters.
Well, that's all I have to say.
-Well, I haven't posted much on TSM lately, mostly because I've been studying for tests. I took one today, and didn't do good. I have another one on Wednesday, and it's an essay test. So things are pretty shitty in Floydland right about now. At least my neighbors are starting to quiet down a bit.
-Here's a video of Uwe Boll beating up one of his online critics, Lowtax of "Something Awful." Yeah, beating up a dork from the net because he thinks your movies suck (and they do) is really impressive.
-I wan't online much this weekend, but it seems like wildpegasus was unbanned, and then banned again. Well, only on the internet.
-The WWE folder sucks right now. There's no way around it, and something needs to be done. There are too many people who treat wrestling too seriously, and the folder needs less of them and more people who have watched for a while and have knowledge, but don't make it their life. We need more posters like Venkman, Lushus, alkeiper, Chriswok, Scroby and their ilk and less Mecca, Enigma, Carlito Brigante and their ilk. The latter are why I tend to avoid the folder now. Whenever I watch Raw these days, I avoid the folder and go on the chat.
Look, I still watch the WWE, but there are valid reasons why cheech made a "Reasons why the WWE folder sucks" thread.
Also, I like Czech, and it's fine he doesn't like to watch wrestling, but there is no way in hell the wrestling folders will become secondary. This place started as a part of a wrestling website, and while this message board isn't really a wrestling message board anymore, the wrestling folders, no matter what you think, are still a vital part of this board. It's just that things need to change in one of the folders.
Well, the economy is has seen better days, and employees are being fired and fucked in the ass (metaphorically speaking) on a regular basis. WWE is no different, so you know what that means-Talent Cuts!
D'Lo Brown-Poor guy was never given a chance. He returns, only for nobody to recognize him. He goes nowhere, and hets fired. Why was he rehired again?
Bam Neely-He was on ECW. I never had time to watch the show, so I'm sorry, I don't know how to react.
Val Venis-First of all, whoever started the "Not Val Venis!" joke is an idiot. That joke was never funny. Second of all, I guess after all those years of not picking up the phone, he finally did it. I'm amazed he was employed as long as he was too. He'll porobably go to the Japanese promotions now (it would probably be a good idea), or try to get Ron Paul in the White house by 2012.
Tim White-Well, he finally has a reason to commit suicide in real life.
Kevin Thorn-Who? Oh yeah, the dude who played Mordeci.
This post has nothing to do with the late Russell Jones. It would be much better if it was though.
To Czech: I'm disappointed that you haven't said anything insulting about me the the Hardcore Discussion, though seeing you sanity slowly melt away is amusing. I guess you haven't said much about me because I rarely post in Hardcore Discussion, and because I'm a non-confrontational pussy.
Anyways, got the original novel version of "Carnosaur" in the mail. The book's much better than the movie, though the movie remains a guilty pleasure of mine.
WWE vs. The Invasion-There's a lot of things that went wrong with this one, but for me the worst things about it were all involving Vince. It was pretty much Vince living out his victim fantasies and feeding his ego in front of the world, because you know there were times Vince thought that WCW and maybe even ECW only existed to ruin him. Plus, it tried (and of course, failed) to make Vince sympathetic, which, when you remember his Mr. McMahon character, plus macking on younger women, and many other things, that it's impossible to sympathize with both the character and the man himself.
No Limit Soldiers vs. West Texas Rednecks-This shows you how clueless WCW really was when it came to what the fans wanted in it's late days. What blows me away is that WCW really thought people still gave a shit about Master P, and that his brother or whatever was really worth signing as a wrestler.
Hogan vs. Warrior, feud #2-The Warrior in the mirror that Bischoff can't see, the homoerotic bits with Ed Leslie, Long winded promos, and one of the worst matches in Hogan's career. There really isn't anything else that can be said.
Marc Mero vs. Sable-The feud that pretty much destroyed Mero's career, and features one of my least favorite divas of all time. Say what you will about Torrie Wilson, but she's Malenko in the ring copared to the former Mrs. Mero.
ECW vs. The Network-If you ask me, one of the main reasons bringing back ECW is a bad idea is because in it's last years, it's best years (95-97) were obviously behind them. This feud IMO, is the real beginning of the end. At least Cyrus was entertaining on the mic.
Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels-A feud with no real explanation. Why was it that Vince wanted Shawn to go back to his old ways? Why do we suddenly need the kiss my ass club to return? Why are we watching this bullshit?
Triple H vs. Chris Jericho-This one pretty much destroyed Jericho's credibility, and gave birth to my annoyance of Trips. (I never really hated him.)
More to come. Also, I'll take anyones suggestions.
Not posters, people.
Wost Overall: Rod Blagojevich-It's all pretty obvious really. Trying to sell Obama's seat is one thing, and so is corruption, and that hair which makes him look like a giant Lego figurine, but witholding money from a fucking Children's hospital is another.
Rush Limbaugh-From racist comments, "Operation Chaos", and saying "COLIN POWELL ONLY SUPPORTS OBAMA CUZ HEZ BLACK LOL!", Rush contimues to make my blood boil.
Alex Jones and the 9/11 Truth Moviement-Also file under "why won't they go away" These idiots, no matter how many times they are proven wrong, no matter how many times science, common sense, and logic disproves them, continue to cling to straws, It's like arguing with a kid who just sticks their fingers in their ears and says "LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!" Even Bill Clinton called them out.
Ron Paul Fans-The most annoying political supporters don't go to McCain, or to Obama-they go to Ron Paul. Picking up truthers, white supremacists, dumb anarchist kids, dumb teenagers, frat boys, socialists, hippies-they all flocked in. I hate them.
Lifetime Achievement Award-Robert Mugabe-As much as I dislike Bush, he ain't got shit on this motherfucker. Really. He earned it in a way. This is pure evil incarnate people.
The fact that they allowed shit like this. At least they are deleting it. Here's some choice quotes, with choice crazy bolded.
So, why would they (Livejournal) even let shit like this exist on their website in the first place?
Jesus Christ, isn't that illegal?
Lady, you write fanporn. You aren't Stephen King Or Ambrose Bierce or William Burroughs. You aren't a legitimate author.
See comment # 3
In short: Fans are sickos and need to be neutered.
If you write a story like that, you are a fucking pedophile. End of discussion.
Apparently, Harry Potter fans are middle agerd, sexually repressed housewives who feel the need to write about underaged fictional characters fucking one another.
That's 4,468 people who should be in jail for most likely owning kiddie porn.
In short, the internet is the ultimate support group for the completely disgusting.
You know, I've been wanting to do "31 Days of the Dead" for a long time. Since December in fact. I've gone over all kinds of zombie flicks. From flesh eaters from Italy ("Burial Ground", "Hell of the Living Dead"), shot on camcorder shitfests ("Zombie Bloodbath"), Spanish Zombies ("Night of the Sorcerers", "Horror Rises From the Tomb"), obscure low budget oddities ("The Child", "Sugar Hill"), lost gems ("Sole Survivor"), Japanese zombies ("Junk"), bad Direct to DVD movies ("Dead Hate The Living", "Dead Heist"), pornographic zombie movies ("Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"), undead towns people ("Dead & Buried", "Messiah of Evil"), Certified classics ("The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" "Carnival of Souls"), Hollywood Blockbusters ("Resident Evil: Extinction"), camp classics ("Night of the Comet", "Night of the Creeps"), lost gems ("Let's Scare Jessica To Death") and even frozen, remote controlled zombies with bad mustaches ("Frozen Scream"). So, what's the perfect way to end this month of zombie movies? Well, let's look at the first zombie movie ever made. That's right, the month ends with:
31.) White Zombie (1932)
Plot: A young man turns to a witch doctor to get a woman away from her fiance. Instead, she becomes one of the living dead.
Review: There are many other zombie movies I could have gone with-"Fiend", "The Video Dead", "The Day it Came To Earth", and "Blood Diner" to name a few-but I think it's best to go with the first zombie movie ever made-and a nice little B & W horror flick to boot.
Apart from being the first zombie movie, the movie is also worth seeing for Bela Lugosi's great performance as "Murder Legendre", the witch doctor. Along with "The Black Cat" and "Dracula", this is one of Lugosi's best performances. The dead are also quite creepy-not shambling rotting corpses (this is the 30's for Christ Sake), but they are zombie none the less-though the hair on one of them is rather goofy, like something out of a 3 Stooges movie.
Granted, there are better Black and White Zombie movies ("Night of the Living Dead" and "I Walked With a Zombie"), but this is still a ice, atmospheric entry into the genre-and not hard to find, as it's in the public domain.
Raring: 8/10 Creepy Black and White horror with notable significance.
With that, "31 Days of the Dead" comes to a close. Will there be a part 2 next year? Maybe. Right now I'm not sure, as this has spent my energy and this has made the possibility of my other plan for August-"Month of the Maligned" null and void. Until then, I'm all zombied out. Still, I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it, and will give some of these a look.
...I thought Bill Hicks was the funniest man who ever lived.
I listen to him now, and I don't think "Bill Hicks sure is funny!" I instead think "Wow, that stoner sure sounds angry." In short, the magic has kinda disappeared.
Also, there seems to be a strange phenomenon with douchebags quoting Bill Hicks.
Nearly three years ago, I created this thread. It wasn't supposed to become as big as it currently is. I thought "Hey, this will end in a few weeks. Everyone will forget it exists, like all my other threads." Instead, it may be the biggest thread in the CE folder. You'd think I'd be happy to be the creator of such a popular thread. Well, I'm not.
Why? Because to be honest, I think it's a horrible thread. I know, I know, I'm just bitching. Looking back, I probably should have seen this coming. That still doesn't excuse me or the thread though, and when this election and campaign and whatnot is finally over, the thread needs to be moved into classics. Why? Because of these reasons:
Marvin-God, I know he's annoying, but he may have brought it to new levels here, derailing the thread and trolling by constantly kissing the already crusty ass of Glenn Beck, and being horrible. Everyone hates him, and his antics in this thread may already be the stuff of TSM legend. It's practically made for TSM classics.
Marney-Lady, I doubt you are reading this. That out of the way, the reason I can't stand you has nothing to do with your political views, and has everything to do with: blatant troll like responses such as "Watch me care" which read like they could have come from an 14 year old, "B.O. Hussein" and calling him "Your Mullatto saviour", among other racist responses-it all has to do with you and your attitude, which consists of acting like an internet tough guy, then getting upset when people call you out on that.
Superjerk, NoCalMike, etc-Not suprising, they are pretty much just repeating the same talking points over and over again. Nothing new, but it's annoying.
Czech: Hillary fan boy-I like ya Czech, I really do. That out of the way, voting for Hillary just to spite Obama is really immature.
Cheesalaisgood: Ron Paul Cheerleader-Like you are suprised. He also bought into some conspiracy loving documentary. I am fully convinced he's a truther.
Narcoleptic Jumper: Ron Paul Cheerleader and Truther-I need not say more.
I rest my case.
Kotz came back briefly today, and he's right: The Campaign '08 thread is terrible, and needs to be put to an end. Just do it when it's all over, and put it in the classics folder where it belongs
Well, I'm not ordering "Wrestlemania" this year. Other than a few matches, I have little to no interest in the show. Cena vs. HHH is pointless, and you know HHH is going to win. The Triple Threat Match will be good, but the only good thing that could come out of it is Angle winning, which seems pretty unlikely at this point. Boogeyman vs. Booker: Poor Booker. I don't give a shit about the Pillow Fight, and neither do the fans. Then again, when was the last time the WWE did something that made the fans happy? Undertaker vs. Henry is pointless, other than to point out that Undertaker never jobs at Wrestlemania. The tag match doesn't interest me because lets face it, the titles are practically DOA. Edge vs. Mick is just sad. Edge should still be champ right now, is a great heel, and is the most over heel on Raw, yet he gets stuck with this bullshit.
Then there is Shawn vs. Vince. This is the worst feud of the year so far. There is no point to it other than to stroke Vince's ego, and there is no real hook to the match, other than "Vince is an Evil Asshole", which got tired a long time ago. Hopefully, after tomorrow night, the whole feud will be over, but at this point, I doubt it.
I was going to post a review for "Slither", but I changed my mind. I will say that it was awesome, and the most fun I've had in a theatre in ages.
Well, here's what happened this week in case you've been living under a rock
-John Edwards admitted to an affair with a woman while his wife has cancer. Class act. I'm sure Newt thinks he's an amatuer though. That reminds me: what is it with politicians and ugly chicks? Why can't they take a page out of Kennedy's book and nail a hot chick? You guys are fucking politicians, you can get better pussy.
-Somebody was stabbed, killed, and decapitated on a bus in Manitoba. Westboro Baptist Church is there to tell people they are going to hell (really, I'm just apathetic towards these guys now. I've heard so much from them or about them that they are just old news), and or pals at PETA are behaving in the dignified way expected by running an add saying the guy's death is nowhere near as bad as killing an animal. Stay classy PETA.
-John McCain keeps running negative adds, alienating old fans in a way that Bill Clinton alienated old fans this year.
-Brett Farve got traded to the Jets-oh go away Brett. Seriously, go away, quit whining, quit crying, and quit being a little bitch. And for God's sake, it wouldn't kill you to shave more often. This has given ESPN even more reasons to suck as well, as if it weren't already possible.
-"Pineapple Express" is pretty awesome, though it didn't beat "The Dark Knight." Also, good to see Rosie Perez still getting work.
-R.I.P. Bernie Mac. You were the best thing about the "Ocean's" movies, and Milky is right when he says your role as "Officer Self-Hatred" in "Don't Be A Menace" is great.
Well, the wedding is over. My cousin Ann got married, and I'm happy for her. The wedding itself went by suprisingly fast, and it was freezing outside.
Afterwards, I went to the wedding reception. The wine sucked ass, but the bar had some good stuff. Had some rum and coke, and sprite with peach schnaps, and it was all good. My relatives (and the relatives of the groom) got drunk, and it was ugly. No violence occured, but I had the unfortunate image of seeing my uncle Greg, a white guy in his late 40's or early 50's, trying to dance to "Baby Got Back". There was also a bunch of shitty modern day country (Man, fuck Rascaal Flatts), and it was the whitest wedding reception I've ever been to.
My parents got drunk too. Now, when my dad gets drunk, he's more casual about it. I mean, you can tell, but he never does anything embarrasing. When my mom gets drunk though, it's different, as she gets a bit more excited, and starts dancing as badly as everyone else. Oh, and afterwards, she'll deny.
Afterwards, my brother, who doesn't drink, had to drive us all to my Aunt Pam's place. Mom and Dad were in no shape to drive (especially dad), and while I wasn't drunk (I'm the only person in my family who drinks but doesn't get drunk, and generally keeps it in moderation), I wasn't really in the shape to drive either.
When we got to my aunt's house, my uncle Dick tried to "be cool" with me, and tried to impress me with his musical tastes. Sorry man, but Karin Carpenters Christmas album isn't exactly a good album. He was most likely joking though, which makes sense, since he's always been the joker of the family.
Next day, I woke up, took a shower, had breakfast, talked with relatives, watched the National Geographic channel, went to Best Buy, and left for home.
And that's how it went.
No, I'm not getting married. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday though. A cousin of mine is getting married.
Anywho, weddings are a weird thing to me. Sure, you stay around afterwards, talk shit with folks, and eat cake, but it's weird to know that this person's life will never be the same, and neither will they.
Could I get married? I really don't know. I'll admit, staying with the same woman for your whole life doesn't sound that bad. I mean true love only happens once in a lifetime. On the other hand, there's parenthood. I really can't see myself as a father, since it's such a grave responibility. Granted, I'm not irresponsible. It's simply the thought of the fact that you have to take care of this person you brought into the world is somewhat strange to me. Also, what if they fuck up. And I mean really fuck up. You can punish them, but what good does that really do.
I know, I usually don't get this personal or emotional. It's just that this is just that things like this really make you think.
Anyways, I'm sure it will be alright.