9 p.m.
• OK, here is why I stay married.
Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.
She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:
“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”
“Huh?”
“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”
“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.
• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.
I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.
• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."
Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."
• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.
6 p.m.
• Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.
I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.
• I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!
It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.
• Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.
Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.
• Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.
It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.
Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.
• Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
7:30 p.m.
• So there is this poster WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE REVEALED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH that is recapping his trip to some overpriced corporate theme park. Reading his entries of unforgettable family moments got me the thinking of the time I went to the Magic Kingdom.
I can’t remember how young I was, but my old man was in-between his second and third marriage. After he married my old lady, she divorced him (probably for good reason) and sold the house that he spent YEARS fixing up. Serves him right. Before marrying wife number three he spent some time with this other woman. He was with her for quite some time, actually. Enough time to completely renovate her basement into an apartment that she got to charge rent to tenants. Oddly enough, she dumped him afterward. If I were even somewhat observant, I’d be detecting a pattern here.
Well anyway, I was going to Disney World with him and Wife 2.5. I can’t remember if there were any other people with us. There might have been; I just can’t recall. Before going to Disney World we stopped at some diner for breakfast, which is surprising enough considering the old man HATES to eat out. Now I didn’t like eating eggs, especially ones that are sunny-side up. When that yolk breaks it just looks so … blech. I wanted to order this other breakfast deal that included a muffin and a few other not-so-messy items. This drove pops over the edge because I guess not eating eggs for breakfast is just one step away from turning queer. So he threw one of his usual fits of rage and REFUSED TO TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Now if this were to happen today, I would find it funny as hell. But when you’re a kid this stuff freaks you out. I also overheard him bitching to pseudo-wifey later that night when I was supposed to be asleep about me, which just did wonders for the rest of our time in Florida. The only thing I can remember from the actual trip was that Small World. And from the MYSTERY POSTER’s recap of this ride, it seems like not much have changed. But whatever, I’m on a roll talking about the old man.
For as crappy as every trip with the old man has been in my life, nothing could compare to the time he went to Florida with his soon-to-be-wife-number-three and her bratty grandsons. I think I was in 8th-9th grade when he asked if I wanted to go with him and company to Florida for another round of family fun. Vividly remember my previous experience many moons ago I respectfully declined. Can’t remember the reason: I think it was “this was my first summer not having to go to summer school in some time and I wanted to just stay at home.” Yeah, I was/am quite the scholar.
A few weeks later the old man called me and told me about his trip. Here’s what happened in a nutshell. They got a hotel some distance from Disney World. No surprise there. (What, you think I got my cheapness all by myself?) The grandkids got mad because they wouldn’t have breakfasts/dinners at the theme park due to the prices. Once again, no surprises. After a day or so the grandkids then called their mother (the daughter of my future mother-in-law) to complain. The next call was to a local Child Youth Service agency (or something similar). The AUTHORITIES paid dad a visit and said the kids in his care were citing abusive behavior and squalor living conditions.
Wow.
All I have to say is that after this experience, I think dad appreciated me just a smidgeon more than he used to. Sure I was/am a fuck-up, but damn… Damn.
Family – lol.
8:30 p.m.
• Saturday night when Mrs. kkk came home from work at 11:15 p.m. Max got out and hasn’t returned. Little bastard. He’s shown up a few times on the porch looking for food but bolted when we opened the front door. I really don’t care if he comes back, but the better half is in hysterics. I just find it funny that the laziest cat I have ever seen decided to live outside (during the summer he was out on the porch for 10-15 minutes, came in and slept in front of an AC vent for several hours). Of course, Mrs. kkk has seen him twice since Saturday because we are putting out food for him in the hopes that we can snag this little fucker. Of course, like all welfare programs, this is attracting the other strays in the neighborhood, which is a bit of a surprise because I didn’t realize how many outside cats there were in this place. The house across from us has been abandoned for years, and I guess stray kitties have squatted there for year. Wonderful. I’ll say this, though. Our female Dessa hasn’t been this happy in YEARS.
11 p.m.
• So I was flipping through the On Demand options and found the first four “Sons of Anarchy” episodes on FX. I don’t watch many television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I don’t watch any. I’m a South Park fan, but the last few seasons have been hit-or-miss, and I just buy the DVDs. I used to watch “The Shield” but stopped after season 4 because I wasn’t watching it on a consistent basis. One day when the DVDs go on sale I’ll buy them up and finish watching them all. Another reason I don’t watch first-run television shows is that I don’t want to wait week after week, month after month, summer after summer for the latest episode, a quarter of the time which is spent airing commercials.
New show, several episodes commercial-free (or at least almost-commercial-free with a fast-forward button available): what can I lose, besides a few hours of my time?
I watched. It’s OK. Not great, but after a while I’ll go back to the On Demand section and see if any new episodes have been added. For those that don’t know what “Sons of Anarchy” is about, well, look it up yourself you lazy bastards. Here are my thoughts:
1) God damn is Peg Bundy attractive. It’s been around 20 years since “Married With Children” first aired and she looks way better now than she did back then. Oh, and I LOVE her character, but I think that could be because of the way she deals with her crack-whore ex-daughter-in-law. Reminds me of a certain person or two in my in-law family tree. I just wish I could remember who they are…
2) Dutch Wagenbach is on the show!!!!
That’s about all I have to say about this. Yay.
7 p.m.
• I said this at the other place, but it bears repeating.
This return-to-Washington-gimmick doesn't give me tingly feelings about McCain FIGHTING FOR ME, but Letterman's logic doesn't make any sense. (If "things get tough" wouldn't the "suspension" be leaving Washington and blaming everyone else for the country's woes?) And of course McCain's opponent is a guy known more for voting "present" than actually doing anything of substance. (Then again, I'd rather have Osama do nothing than try to get his agenda pushed...)
• OMG more liberal bias: RePuBliCaNz r DuM.
Son, just because you go to college doesn't mean you're smart. To further prove my point -- I'm a college grad.
• Speaking of "dumb" and "reporters," let's ask an ACTOR who played a WALL STREET MEANIE his opinion of the REAL-LIFE financial zaniness.
Makes perfect sense to me. Like Douglas would know anything about currency speculation or other fancy words that I just put next to each other. Say, what was he doing at the United Nations anyway?
:bonk: :bonk: :bonk: :bonk:
5:30 p.m.
• This entry is dedicated to SFAJack, who is dealing with a hurricane named Ike. Didn't George W. Bush get the memo that you voted for him? If so, I'm sure he would have steered this path of destruction toward a bluer part of the state.
You've commented on the subject of your "welcomed guests to Houston" before, so I thought you might like this.
6 p.m.
• To keep up with the "SFA Jack/Texas/Underclass" theme, here's a blast from the past from Mr. Jack's state that I'm sure makes him proud.
Don't forget the remix/radio version/whatever the hell this is supposed to be. I'm still trying to figure out why this song is called "Bald Head Gals" when the chorus contains the more explicit word. Oh well, at least the part with the horse got a chuckle out of me.
Finally, to complete today's Willie Dee trifecta, this one (0:30) goes out to Whoppi Goldberg, who, if McCain gets elected, will be first to go up on the slave auctioning block.
You know, I remember back in '04 Cameron Diaz said that if you think rape should be legal then don't vote. Slaves, rape: when is all of the good stuff really going to happen? Keep your tax cuts, just let me stick my weiner in Diaz's mouth. No, I don't want a blow job; I'm just tired of hearing her voice.
6:15 p.m.
• OK, this is why I love rap. If you listened to the third song in the Willie Dee collection above you would have noticed there was a female saying she had a pussy the size of Bolivia. Well, Willie Dee's "Controversy" album was released in 1989. Just three years later, Willie D (guess the "ee" fared poorly in the focus groups), released the following...
And WTF?
The high price is more than $100.
Oh, and here is the song that Choice did which caused Mr. D's scorn.
8:30 p.m.
• Here's something really sad to learn about me. When I first heard this song, I thought for quite some time that Compton was in Michigan. (0:25)
Actually, that's not the half of it. I almost failed 8th grade. In order to pass that year I had to take two summer school classes at my school plus a mail-order class. But hey, at least I was able to beat Ghouls 'n Ghosts on the Sega Genesis that year.
• As much as I'm trying to keep this from being All-Palidin All-The-Time, this is getting silly.
• There is justice in this world. Long story short: The much-talked-about welfare brood with the two test-tube kids was trying to add a third beaker into the bunch. Sadly, the turkey basting didn't take and now the matriarch of this bunch called the better half last night for some solace. This is funny to me, considering when Mrs. kkk suffered a miscarriage, this welfare queen said, among other things, "Well you can have one of mine; they're driving me CrAzY~!"
But the "justice" isn't with a family that can't take care of themselves failing at adding another mouth to feed.
The justice is that during this conversation Mrs. kkk learned that the State is no longer paying for their kids' health care? Why is that? Because the toothless Mexican can get health insurance through his job as a janitor. OH NOES! Having to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!
8 p.m.
• Yeah, who needs preseason. All the good players will just get hurt anyway. (Just heard on NBC's recap show this injury is serious.)
• You know what I hate most about this commercial?
These people go to some yuppie place for dinner and they eat MACARONI AND CHEESE? I bet the bacon is what makes this dish decadent!
If I had to dress up for some tasting, it better be for some form of surf 'n turf.
8:30 a.m.
• Public service announcement. If you posted at the Other Place and wondered why you can't access the site, wonder no more. It died (again). For those keeping score at home, Frigid Soul had nothing to do with this one.
Here's the new address.
9 a.m.
• Fuck blaming the cats for this fire.
You don't light candles and leave in a house with pets. The closest the kkk household has come to this sort of thing was when Dessa, as a kitten, knocked over a glass of water the better half had on the night stand. When she went to get the glass she got shocked by a power outlet. Then there was the time that Dessa, still a kitten, knocked out my plugged-in clock radio the night before my first day of work at a job. That's when I learned to invest in a battery-powered clock. Of course, years later I was late for work one day when the battery died. That's when we started regulating the kids' feedings. Now no matter what if Dessa, JJ and Max aren't fed by 5:30 a.m. one of us will be woken up. If getting into Mrs. kkk's face loudly meowing doesn't do the trick then the better half hitting me and saying, "go feed your cats" will.
7 p.m.
• So did you all know that the GOP Vice President candidate has a 17-year-old kid who is knocked up? In another startling development, John Kerry served in Vietnam.
You know what, I don’t care if this chick is a Jesus freak. I’ve heard some of the stuff she’s said regarding God and all that shit, but you know what? I don’t care. I learned years ago that many of the people I vote for are in with the Bible-thumper crowd. But you know what? I don’t care. I’ve accepted that fact. Shit, Rick Santorum was my n*gga but I know if we ever had a conversation about theology for more than 5 minutes Rick would either damn my soul to hell or start a group prayer for my well-being.
Smues, I’m sure you can tell a bunch of stories about Palin regarding stuff I don’t want to hear, but when you’ve had this asshole as your governor for six years…
…even the Community Organizer will start to look appealing. Wait, check that. I can’t let that go. Fuck, I’d rather have Fast Eddie as my political figure than Osama. Now that’s saying something.
8 p.m.
• So what's our exit strategy for pulling out of Chicago?
Oh, yeah. The exit strategy for urban flight is getting a job and then a UHaul.
10 p.m.
• So this is the last week of the better half’s employment and her idiot boss gave her a $30 gift card to Panera Bread. Oh yay. For those that don’t know, Panera is one of those hippie stores that sell overpriced food that doesn’t even come close to filling you up. Because we were going grocery shopping today, we decided to just buy a bunch of shit and get this $30 gift card out of our lives forever.
Now I’ve never been in a Panera store before, but it was no different than the few other times I went into these kind of eateries. Mrs. kkk got a sandwich, cookie and frozen coffee. I got a sandwich, soup and frozen smoothie. Not quite $30 but it was close. However, this is what blew my mind. We got one of those coaster-things that flash when your order is ready. That’s odd, but whatever. As we sat at our booth we heard “kkk, your order is ready.” Well what’s the point of having the coster-thingy if they’re just going to call out our name anyway? I digress. I also went to the stand that called out our order. I noticed that we only had our soup and sandwiches. Figure out what I said and what the Panera employee said:
“Where’s the rest of our order?”
“You have to get the drinks over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
OK, so I went and took the food to our booth and went to pick up the drinks. I then noticed Mrs. kkk’s cookie was nowhere to be found. Figure out what I said and what another Panera employee said:
“Where’s the cookie to this order?”
“You have to get cookies over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
You’re being serious? I had to go to three registers to complete my order. Thank Christ this store was near empty. Damn hippie store. Oh well, at least they didn’t put grass on my food like the Atlanta Bread Company.
• Good thing Osama isn’t Jewish; God knows what Jimmy would be calling him. His stuttering was the best part.
6 p.m.
• Wow, Fast Eddie talking about media bias? That's funny.
Don't worry, after Osama does his thing this week you'll be back on the "what media bias?" bandwagon.
• I'm sure there's a blogger WHOSE NAME WILL NOT BE UTTERED UNTIL THE END OF TIME that probably already scouted this kid inside and out.
"Frighteneing"? Oh well, I'm the last person to goof on another person's speling, but damnit someone got paid not to run a spell-check. I'm doing this blog for free.
Not sure how relevant this is to the above story, but as a kid I was in this bowling league. We didn’t use regular balls but rather this was a duckpin bowling league. What does that mean? The balls were smaller and there is no pinacton. Anyway, there was this kid was excellent but I hated the fuck. His dad was one of the bigwigs of the league, but his kid’s team never won a league championship in the several years I was there. This kid was so good he was always a team’s captain; each team had a really good bowler, a pretty good bowler and a few scrubs (like me). Well, this one year this kid was magically placed on a team with two other boys that had been team captains in previous years. Strangely enough, after a month or two this team amassed something like a 14-1 record. Here’s a coincidence: this kid’s dad put the teams together. What did I do about it? I took my ball and went home. Do I regret it? Shit, I forgot about this experience until reading the above article.
• Huh?
Too fat? Oh this should be a good one.
Then fry him. Of course, then the poor cops zapping this porker will be smelling bacon...
Oh Christ, the I-was-abused excuse. Sadly, below is the part of the article that pisses me off the most.
Oh boo-fucking-hoo.
Wow. That must have been one strong homemade ladder to hold that fattie up. Guess those magazines were phonebooks or something.
7:30 p.m.
• So another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NEVER REVEAL did this Worst *fill in the position* of all time. Now I don’t want to pee in his cornflakes (that’s something nl-asshole would do, the sick bastard), but I felt some of these stats didn’t tell the whole story. For some positions like 2B and SS I’m sure a team would allow the suckitude of a person’s OPS+ (or whatever that thing is) if the player was good defensively. Then again, I have no idea if Don Kessinger committed more errors than Hal Lanier. What, you expect me to actually look this shit up? Just how long have you been skimming through my words just to see pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt or my cats reading my stuff?
Why am I talking about this? Because I’m in a baseball mood today, baby. You see, this other blogger WHOSE IDENTITY I WILL TAKE WITH ME TO THE GRAVE decided to start a thread where you build a MLB team using your favorite club’s draftees. To my surprise, nobody decided to do the Pirates. Well, since the SBuccos are my hometown club, I’ll see what I can do with the renowned Pirate scouting system.
Ohh, there’s Barry Bonds. And Moises Alou. That’s a sure meaty heart of my lineup. Jason Kendall – I always liked him (seriously); Tim Wakefield, too.
…
uhhhh.
Who the hell is Jonathan Albaladejo?
I give up. Besides, anyone remotely good will be traded away to the Yankees or Red Sox in exchange for more prospects, who, if they are any good, will end up with the Yankees or Red Sox a few years later anyway. And the cycle starts all over again -- like welfare clans.
Why am I talking about this? Because another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NOT SAY EVEN IF YOU SHOVE HOT POKERS IN MY CRACK-WHORE SISTER-IN-LAW’S EAR pointed this out to me.
OMG TAXPAYER MONEY SQUANDERED. You know what, at this point I don't care. I say good for Mario. If this were one of the Marvel "Civil War" things that popped up at TSM a while back where you had to pick a side, I'd side with number 66 than any Shittsburgh public official. I've talked about this issue before and my opinion of building a new arena is a better idea than some hippie baseball stadium or field for the Stiilers. Go do a search or two and find the info yourself. I'm tired of linking up past entries.
Oh who the hell am I kidding. You all are lazy pieces of shit.
Now this part of the article is great.
She was SHOCKED. Of course this is the representative of the "Hill District." And by "Hill District" I mean "ghetto." Yeah, I bet she was SHOCKED. In fact, her reaction was probably that of an audience member of the Maury Povich show when the crowd gasps upon hearing that an upcoming guest on a show called "Out of Control Teens" does drugs and has sex. Where the hell am I going with this? No clue.
Say, this part of the article is greater.
"More competitive." Where have I heard that line before? Oh, yeah. Back in the mid-1990s when the Pirates wanted a new stadium. Why, they would move to RALEIGH if they didn't get a new stadium to be "more competitive." The Pens were horrid in the early 2000s -- they never went above 30 wins from 2001-2002 to 2005-2006, but were the Stanley Cup runner-ups last season. And they don't even have their new arena yet. The Pirates have had a new stadium since 2001. Let's see what their records have been since this cash-cow was built.
2001: 62-100
2002: 72-89
2003: 75-87
2004: 72-89
2005: 67-95
2006: 67-95
2007: 68-94
If that is "more competitive" I'd hate to see them phoning in a season.
Here's a not-as-great part of this article. Wow, Fast Eddie decided to stop by the western part of the state. Stay away you piece of shit.
Yeah, money from a slots casino that is becoming a bigger clusterfuck than I thought possible.
Read the rest of the story if you want. Long story short: this whole casino/slots stuff is a joke. But whatever, it's going to SAVE THE SHITTSBURGH REGION. Well, if it keeps most of the ghetto trash away from where I live then I say build that casino ASAP.
And I'm spent.
11:59 p.m.
• Now there was this other blogger who YOU WILL HAVE TO TWIST MY NIPPLES UNTIL THEY ARE PURPLE BEFORE I REVEAL HIS IDENTITY that did a bunch of reviews about hippie horror movies nobody has ever seen in-between his “calling out” of posters at the TSM board. “Marvin, Glenn Beck is gay, lol.” Or worse yet, commenting about “OMG Marney is sure CrAzY~!” Seriously, what is up with those one sentence posts that talk about the zany happenings over at message board part of our happy Internet community? I mean, talking about other posters on a BLOG that nobody reads is just…
is just…
…
Goddamnit.
Anyway, since the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters countdown I have been trying to think of another countdown-ish thing to do. Part of me wanted to do something regarding movie franchises while there were a few television DVD sets that have been screaming for my kkk-ommentary. However, thanks to the awesomeness that is the tune called “Dawn Raid on Fort Knox” I think I have just found the next project to distract me for a time (or at least until I get distracted again). If you can't figure it out by now, don't bother -- it will scare THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of you.
OK, I'm stopping now. No way I'm doing 20 more of these retarded puns. You might as well get the MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN to put two in my head.
19...
7 p.m.
• So a while back I said that the better half was getting laid off by her idiot boss. This is a rather odd situation because normally Mrs. kkk is the one with the job and I’m the one going to interviews. However, despite a dozen or so interviews she has gone on the results have all been the same: zip. Now granted one place wanted her – for half of what she was currently making. There were a few other places that had similar experiences, but there was one in particular that deserves mention. This place had her come in for three different interviews, and each time the Mrs. said that she would never go back to that place if they asked her to come in for another session. Of course, each time she went. The last interview she had with these people she was told that she would hear back from them in a week. One month later they contacted her for another interview, which I think was the “offer” stage. However, much to the better half’s credit, she turned down the invitation.
The biggest shock she has had during these two-plus months is how unprofessional so many people get. Every time a person said they could contact her one way or the other within a week or two, they never do. Now while this is nothing new to me, this is a whole different experience for Mrs. kkk. Fortunately, there’s one place that will be picking her up in the fall. Or at least that what she was told. She’s got until the end of this month before her current job (thankfully) expires and she can head toward the unemployment line. At least now when the “get a job” jokes are made, it will be me doing the delivery instead of being the punchline.
8 p.m.
• Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.
• McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.
You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.
Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.
9 p.m.
• Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?
1 p.m.
• So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.
1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.
When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!
2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.
“I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”
“Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”
“…”
3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.
On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half is on vacation this week and next, and she decided to do the “family” thing this week. And by “family” I mean deal with all the bitching and yelling going on with her mother and nieces/nephews. I shouldn’t be too quick to point out the lunacy of having “family fun time” when in most instances it involves crying, screaming and temper tantrums. The major culprit in all this is the 21-year-old out-of-control knocked-up niece-in-law. And of course, Mrs. kkk’s mother, despite all the bitching she does about this particular black sheep of the family, does everything in her power to cater to the crack-whore. At the amusement park earlier this week the out-of-control niece-in-law was telling the better half about how her boyfriend wants to videotape her blowing some other guy. She was saying this, mind you, with the 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece in the same car. Then before a trip to the zoo the niece-in-law held everyone else up from leaving by several hours because she wasn’t “ready.” When she finally was she slept for half the day. Another time the niece-in-law was trying to cook dinner for everyone and was running at least an hour behind before Mrs. kkk left her mother’s house. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yeah.
During the aforementioned zoo trip, the 11-year-old nephew wanted to buy a gift for his parents. (I’m telling this kid ain’t right). His 9-year-old sister then decided to as well. The nephew saved $20 from the money he made cutting grass this summer. The niece? Well, she makes $3 a day watching some dog. How much has the niece saved up for this purchase? You guessed it: $3.
The niece then said to her brother that they should pull their resources together. The nephew said “no” and added that “she should have saved her money up” like he did. This caused the niece to begin throwing a fit, which prompted my mother-in-law to feel guilty and ask Mrs. kkk if they should give the niece money to buy her parents a gift. The better half said “no” because that would make the nephew’s saving money this summer go to waste. I’m impressed; some of my Jew logic has rubbed off. Why am I saying all this? Because I just found out who the Democrat and Republican will be when it comes to my 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece.
Wait a second. No it doesn’t. Damn you Republicans – why did you have to double the federal budget and rack up trillions more in debt? It’s getting harder and harder to make these types of comparisons.
Hey, look…
KITTIES!
You know, I can’t remember what I have posted and what I haven’t posted. This was one of Max when we first took him in as a stray. The other two didn’t warm up to him all that much. I knew Dessa would hate him right off the bat (and continue to do so), as you can see from above, but JJ surprised me a bit.
For a month or two JJ wouldn't even look in his direction, and he even hissed at him once or twice. (If JJ hisses, you know something is up.) There was really nothing Max could do, even though he tried to get along. It was sad seeing him in a submissive role and still getting hissed at, swatted and chased around the house. However, my thinking was that the three of them would sort it out and that whatever treatment he got in our house was a hundred times better than fending for himself out in the freezing cold. It took him six months for JJ to get used to Max. And by “used to” I mean roll around with him on the floor in a wrestle-like fashion. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it wrestling. JJ will plop on the floor, Max will jump on top of him and after about 5 seconds JJ will get up and run away. Whatever. In their world I’m sure it means something.
8 p.m.
• Nothing all that exciting to report. The alleged baby's daddy of my out-of-control niece-in-law is probably going to get kicked out of his house. Damn Bush economy. I bet W. made him rack up those credit card bills, too.
• Go away, Brett Favre.
I haven't followed this story all that much, but there comes a time when a team has to look out for its future. These off-season "Will I or won't I return?" games have to eventually stop. And why the hell would the Packers let him go to a divisional opponent?
• Speaking of football, kkk Bowl VI will be announced sometime during the NFL preseason. I was seriously thinking of not holding this contest anymore, especially since I probably wouldn't have been able to update the standings each week. Thankfully, I'll be getting some help from the mods (or at least that's what I'm being told).
• Last week in the USA Weekend special insert found in many Sunday newspapers, there was an interesting story about why cats don't get treated better than dogs despite more people owning felines than canines.
Now I'm sure I don't need to bring up my affection for kitties, but I have no problem with dogs being higher up on the social ladder than cats. One reason cats are more often abandoned is that, like the author said, more people have cats than dogs. And because dogs are more in tune to a "pack" mentality, they would often be more devoted to their owners than cats. And regarding vet care, dogs should get better treatment. You don't see a K-9 kitty lunging after a robbery suspect. You don't see cats herding livestock. All a cat is really good for is killing rodents.
But in case you are thinking I have lost my kitty-loving ways, here's some more pics of the family.
8:30 p.m.
• Now what can go wrong with this?
• How about awarding people money and they buy the gas themselves?
Oh, wait, we're talking about lottery people. Christ, the same people spending $50 per day in lottery tickets will be the biggest complainers at the pump.
•
8 p.m.
• There are times I really hate TSM. After reading the Diablo III thread I got the urge to start playing my Diablo II characters. Goddamnit. Oh well, I always seem to quit once I get to Nightmare level, so let’s get to it.
I remember when the first Diablo came out I got it while living by myself in Sappy Valley. I had nothing better to do and the game was cheap and highly rated. I don’t play games on the computer because that’s what a game console is for. However, this was an exception. Besides, my Genesis was back at the in-law’s house ready for an Ohio trip. I played the game once or twice and it was good enough. After moving to Ohio and settling in, the better half noticed me playing it one night and inquired. Soon thereafter she was playing the game more than me. This of course made us HAVE to get the sequel. Then the expansion pack. Oh who am I kidding? I like playing the game, too.
This actually brings back another memory. Now although I said before I play 99 percent of my games in front of a television instead of a computer screen, Diablo is an exception to this rule. While I was in Ohio I noticed the Playstation Diablo title on sale at a used game store. I bought it and played the game with Mrs. kkk for about 20 minutes. Boy was it horrible. A few days later I went to sell it back. I wasn’t looking for a return. Hey, I made the purchase and didn’t like the product. The game itself wasn’t faulty. And this was a used game store after all. Well I went in and offered my wares. At first the sales clerk was excited – a little too excited – about seeing this Playstation game. Then he said he couldn’t buy this copy. Why? Because it was too scratched up and not up to the quality of store standards. Uhhhh, you SOLD me this game three days before in the SAME condition. I don’t use my CD/DVD/video game discs as Frisbees or coasters. The scratches didn’t come overnight. Amazingly enough, the clerk had no response to my “buy you sold me this game earlier in the week” response.
Where was I going with this? Nowhere. Big shock.
8:30 p.m.
• Here's one from the latest batch of pics I took from the camera an uploaded to the computer.
Of course over the last several months these three have been sleeping with us, which makes for some interesting sleeping positions. Dessa (pictured middle) usually camps out between the better half and I because she doesn't want to be near the other two. Max (far) will sleep on the other side of Mrs. kkk because he doesn't like sleeping by me because I tend to roll on top of him. One night he gave a yelp and ran away, which caused Dessa to chase him and hiss. This in turn made JJ run out and see what was going on. Pretty soon there was screaming across the living room; not what you want to hear at 2 a.m. Max also doesn't like laying on the bed sheets so the better half has to make sure he is able to lay on the comforter. JJ usually takes what's available -- meaning he has to sleep by me or next to Mrs. kkk and far enough from Dessa.
11:45 p.m.
• So this gets a little chuckle out of me whenever I see it. All across America the po-lice are CRACKING DOWN on drivers not wearing their seat belts. Oh Noz~! Anyway, these stupid click it or ticket billboards have sprung up in my neck of the woods. If you don’t have one around where you live, here’s how they look.
Now the difference in this billboard from the ones in Pennsylvania is that instead of that “click it’ logo on the lower right we have some hippie state symbol and our logo. What is my commonwealth’s logo titled? “State of Independence.” Yeah, we got a mean independent streak. As long as we wear our seat belts…
…and not drive more than two miles in the left lane.
…and remove all the snow from our vehicle before driving.
…and buy your booze from a state-controlled liquor store.
Other than that, and the million other nitpicky laws on the books, we’re free to do as we please. Now I need to move the better half away from my half of the fridge we are sleeping on top of. Damn you Bush economy.
• Gee, I wonder who will be paying for air time on MTV? I bet it's McCain trying to appeal to the young'ins.
Wow, Barack Osama really is that dumb. I'm sure this network would have slobbed his knob through November for free.
9 p.m.
• So does this make you want to buy a white, gooey substance in a jar?
OMG the Big Gay lobby is shoving their immoral agenda down our throats (ew, another set of words I should not have strung together).
Oh, I get it. Mom’s a New York deli guy because her sandwiches taste like they’re from the Big Apple with Heinz’s super mayo stuff. I get the joke. It’s just not that funny (what’s funnier is the queer group telling its people to boycott Heinz products; the O'Reilly reference made me laugh, too). Besides, I’m a Miracle Whip man myself.
For my gay humor, I would rather wake up with the King.
• Oh boy. Time to bail out the irresponsible and reckless who should have never received loans in the first place!
And don’t give me this, “But rich people get bailed out, too.” I know that. Fuck them, too.
• You know what? I think I’d rather have the seven-year-old out on the road than his grandma.
7:30 p.m.
• So George Carlin died. The room is spinning blahblahblah. Eh, I was never a huge fan of his but for someone who did what he did for so long and was so successful at it you got to give him props. One bit I always liked was his baseball/football comparisons. I also liked his word-play.
In baseball, you make an error .... whoops!
• All you really need to do is get in a vehicle and blast the hell out of opposing Jedi. And not once have I ever said to Vader "OWNED~!"
It's weird because I go through phases over which Battlefront I play for the PS2: The first or second. The second is faster but there's a charm about the original that I can't get away from. Oh, and goddamn does the Republic army suck.
• I guess after looking at God's mugshot we can conclude without a doubt that his son, Jesus, must be black.
• Here's the latest on my out-of-control niece-in-law. Mrs. kkk told me that her boyfriend/likely baby's daddy allegedly videotaped himself having sex with an under-age girl. He also videotaped himself having sex with the niece-in-law while she was passed out drunk. God help me if I should ever view this clip while surfing the Net because I know it's out there. I will say that should this fornication ever appear on my computer screen I’ll swear off viewing on-line porn ever again be sure to post a link here.
