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No Hustler. Bitter losers at TSM.

More stuff…   So I’m not going to take the job at Hustler, just yet. The job offer is permanent, so I’m told. I guess connections (wherever it might be from) have merit after-all. I will just stick with unemployment for now as I’m figuring this semester will be loaded with material.   I’m sure KKK and WP will be disappointed to hear that I won’t have any amusing porn store anecdotes for right now. Sorry, WP, can’t use my existence for your late night imagination.   -   I became addicted to a new TV show over the weekend as I was already deep into school-work. Everwood. On the surface, I always thought the premise of this story was antiquated and hokey but in reality, the show was really good. I’ve only seen the first season for now (My mother had it in her collection) and learning they canceled the show after I discovered it really disappoints me. I looked around and apparently the other seasons haven’t been released yet but I’m already waiting.   It’s a pretty simple show with good characters, interesting plot and I liked how the lead female was a classic girl next door in terms looks. That’s not always the case with TV dramas depicting teenagers. Katie Holmes, Jeanie Garth, Jen Williams, Mischa Barton are hardly “normal” looking girls but this chick     is and not only that, she completely reminds me of my first “love”…so its quite surreal watching the show for the obvious reasons…   The problem with watching shows about the teenage years (the well written ones, that is) that it usually forces you to connect with your own years and you sorta get sad/nostalgic about those days. Every movie or TV show devoted towards the early 20’s is always so god-damn negative and cynical. Maybe I’m crazy, but life isn’t bad. I figure all those movies were the work of people who ignored life and living in high school and are bitter about missing out on life.   A lot of those types are here and they have such scorching hatred for high school and popular society and create a false impression that they were better then it by not being apart of that world, but it’s a lie. Bitterness and contempt for something they could have prevented is unhealthy.   If your life sucked growing up, if you weren’t popular, if you didn’t get the girl…so what? Put it behind you and make it work this time around.   You only get a handful of years to make life worth living…don’t waste it by being bitterly pissed.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Back to school. Fuck day cares. Porno...

The first day of school part…XIV   I remember when the night before the first day of school used to wreck my nervous system. Weighing on my mind was the depression that summer was over and those 3 months of soaking up the sun, playing ball with the boys and swimming non-stop would cease for 9 months. Wondering if the new teachers would like me, and more importantly, did anyone change?   The older we get, the anxiety regarding the first day of school changes. In high school, minus frosh year…the first day didn’t bother me. Unlike when we were kids, you kept in close contract with most of your classmates. School would only present itself as a nuisance in your social life. In high school, my summers were built around two things, baseball, camping and the summer romances. The first day of the school year traditionally signaled the conclusion of those two hallmarks.   Today was the first day of my sophomore year in college and it was the same as always even if I was at a different campus this time around. Faces all look the same and you instantly meet new people.   Some people are bored by the first day activities when you get 2 hour lectures about the policies of each class and the expectations of the course. (Not me) If you are lucky, you’ll get a professor who takes advantage of the small class size and does the hokey “Tell the class about yourself” routine to kill time. No one really ever remembers anything someone says during these things, but it’s almost a perverse requirement to do this.   On Tuesdays and Thursday, I have a short schedule of just two classes. Creative Writing: Short Fiction (The problem is, this is a senior class but I was pushed into it by my advisor and previous English prof‘s recommendation) and Survey of American History.   Creative Writing is precisely what you would expect. Young hipster emo-fag who couldn’t cut it as an actual writer decides to teach it. He seems alright enough and I can tell he isn’t going to be one of those pretentious wannabe Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society assholes. He gets the game and I can respect him enough on that accord.   The important factor of the class besides the absurd easiness of creative writing is the quality of the girls in the class. This can’t be understated. You get the hot English/journalist major chicks who want to hone their skills as writers combined with the dumb blonde seniors taking the class for graduation requirement purposes. Mixed in with a couple fat losers, socially awkward Morrissey loving dorks and that puts me in a good position.   History was a different story though. History isn’t my strong suit and there’s a reason I avoided it my frosh year. This subject always depends on the educator and how they present the concept of History.   I don’t want some fucking textbook pushing fucker that probably has no understanding about anything. I’ll take a history teacher who cuts through bullshit and not shy from his/her opinion. I got the latter in my history professor. There is nothing like a 60 year old bitter lady with a TRUE sense of history to educate you on things outside the textbook. She is obviously a compulsive chain smoker with penchant to recall on her glory days back in the 1960’s. Who knows if I’ll learn anything but it’ll be fun as hell.   M/W/F is basically the boring trio of classes with Anthropology (course requirement), Algebra (another class I avoided last year) and Environmental Geology. These classes will depend on good professors to bring up my interest. The important thing about day one is never the classes but getting a feel for the social climate.   I told myself to avoid the urge to jump into a potential relationship catastrophe for the moment but well, you can’t help it sometimes. Put yourself in a situation surrounded by girls and you can’t avoid it.   I can almost never live up to my word.   I thought I meant it when I said I was going to stay away from a job for at least a couple months but this new opportunity is really enticing.   The job is mine for the taking. Pay isn’t as high as what I’m accustomed to but with the schedule flexibility and the environment I’ll be around makes up for it. Besides, it’s only minutes from school and home. My old job was a 40 minute commute.   It has to be a dream job for a lot of people and what’s funny is, I don’t really care for the stuff but the job just literally fell into my hands.   Oh, the job? Think of a famous person from the Cincinnati area with a history of controversy that didn’t play baseball but knows a lot about balls.   Yeah, that place.   I didn’t want to have to take a job but I feel like I have now since...   My mother, after 10 years of working for the same day care company was laid off last Thursday via “budget issues”. They fired a qualified and experienced employee to replace her with a cheaper and less experienced college transplant.   My mother took the job as a thing of personal passion. She didn’t need the job but she loved little kids and was good at it. I’ve already offered to help out and all that such but she won’t allow it. I think it really broke her spirit because that job was important to her.   It’s bullshit. It isn’t some mass corporation with scumbag execs looking to line their pockets, it’s a fucking day care center and even they can’t get away from fucking politics.   I’m well aware of the fact that I’m typing this at 4 am in the morning and I’d like to pretend I'm up for a reason but there isn't. I do have classes in just a few hours, so that isn’t a wise move on my part but that is sorta the fun of it anyways.   - Pertaining to the forum, I’ve reached the conclusion that this place has and this is a appx. estimate, only 23 people with functioning brains. The rest are running on fumes or died horribly awhile ago. EHME is a prime example.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

In This Shadow

Update time     -Tomorrow will mark my final full day of work at the place I’ve been employed for 2 ½ years. All throughout this week, I’ve felt like a ghost around that building. My office is empty minus the cpu, TV and mini-fridge that I’m not taking with me. I basically been giving my successor the run through in regards to the job but he seems to get it which renders me worthless. I’ll miss a couple of the guys down there but I’m thinking we’ll stay in touch by some means.   As you might recall, I am still bitter at my boss for his actions but I’ll have to put it aside because despite me leaving, I’ll be seeing plenty of him over the years including my parent’s anniversary party next week and my sister’s wedding as well. I can play nice but my respect for him vanished.   I intended to stay out of the work force for awhile because I wanted to focus on school and I was burnt out on working…but I got an intriguing offer from a pretty well known international corporation that is Head-quartered pretty close to me. (This should be obvious…I think). It doesn’t pay as much as the previous job but the benefits and potential future options are much greater.   -   I said in a previous entry that I was going to be getting a new car in September and that is still my intention…   I’ve been driving my old Dodge Avenger that I had given to my sister for the past 2 weeks (I since sold the truck to the company) and I finally got off my ass and headed down to the Auto Mall.   THE AUTO MALL -It just so happens that I live in close proximity to one of the largest Auto Malls in the Mid-West. It’s basically what the name implies, a giant assembly of dealerships from Chevy, Ford, Dodge, Toyota, Saturn, Hummer, Lexus, Honda etc, etc.   Price isn’t too big of an issue for me because I’ll talk the price down anyways. I just wanted a car with good gas mileage and fun to drive. I can fix my own car, so the issue of car maintenance that scares some people away isn’t a problem.   My father and I headed down to the mall and we went to the Ford dealership, which a good friend of his owns.   I could see the writing on the wall. I have nothing against Fords, I just drove one of their trucks for the last couple years (This was the same dealership I brought the truck at) but I didn’t want to get another truck and I’m not a fan of their cars. I knew that my father’s friend would likely give me another good deal and while I appreciate an “in” like that, I knew I would have to decline.   I think the real reason I did this was because a part of me wants to stop getting by on who my father knows. I spent the summer working in a position that I never earned because of that connection my father gives me.   My grandfather didn’t give my old man much, so he relied on himself since he was teen. He never wanted that for me, so in essence despite being 20 years of age, he still does favors for me. I value his actions but there comes a time when you just need to do it for yourself.   After dropping a good dosage on for my tuition and putting money away to prepare for no job for awhile, I decided I would just wait a couple months before really pursuing my new car. I’ll keep driving the Avenger for the time being since my sister is driving her fiancés old car. However, that car has nearly 175k miles on it and that car isn’t built to last that long. It wasn’t that great on the road during the winter when I drove it and I can only imagine it’ll be worst now.   -   I doubt anyone remembers back around spring time but I mentioned my old high school female friend who spent years admonishing people for teenage sex only to get knocked up at a frat party…   We kept in slight touch via AIM over the months but she moved in with her grandparents (yes, her parents weren’t happy) about 70 miles south in Kentucky, so we haven’t seen each other until last week where she came up here for her brother’s birthday party.   We bumped into each other at a Kroger’s Grocery store and well…   Yeah. It’s always a slight jolt when you see a close friend for the first time in a obvious pregnant state. I’ve always known her as this skinny model girl and well…not anymore.   It didn’t last long as the small talk quickly wore off.   It just made me realize how I haven’t really been in touch with any of my close friends from just a couple years ago. I actually miss a couple of those fuckers.   -   I start classes on Tuesday. I still remain here with my jaw on the floor realizing how fucking expensive my tuition and my books are. Books shouldn't be this high priced but I give all these schools credit for milking every dime out of every student (and their parents).   Bravo.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Since I've been gone...

In case you haven't noticed, I've been rather inactive for the past week or so around these parts and there are reasons for that...but nothing I want to get into just yet.   Other happenings are...   -One week from yesterday will be my final day in the office. As you might recall from a previous entry, I made the decision to go to school full time again passing over a well paying job with potential. A choice I'm assured to regret for awhile. Like everything else in live, politics played a part.   My official title with the company was "Director of Production", which basically means manager of the workforce. I made a healthy income for the past couple months which is monumental for a 20 year old student, I got the job because of politics and because of who I knew. The owner being my father's best friend of many years put me in this seat but I didn't take it for granted and did the job with the utmost integrity as I could. Being handed a job is the worse possible situation in the work environment because it breeds contempt.   Despite having worked shoulder to shoulder with the guys in the shop (another word for factory floor) and busting my ass for the better part of the last 2 years, they still resented me for being young with this position. I had to prove my worth and I think that I accomplished this. I'd like to think my performance would warrant me the ability to select my successor but that isn't the case.   I wanted to appoint a guy who has worked off and on for this company for 15 years and knows everything about it far greater then I ever could imagine. He is generally liked by the office and floor except for one single person and that is the owner. The very same guy who placed an inexperienced 20 year old into a perk spot with his company that he built from the ground up. He feels more inclined to place someone from his secondary company into my seat. I'm very disappointed in this because I promised a man, a husband and father of 3 that this job was his when I leave. Monday morning, I had to inform him that he got passed over and that his many years with the company wasn't enough to satisfy the asshole in charge.   Originally, I planned on sticking with the company on a part-time basis going back to the shop floor but after this situation, I close the door for good with the company.   -I did well enough that I can maintain a regular lifestyle for the next couple months before going back to the work-force. I've been working non-stop for years; I will gladly welcome this break. I don't believe I'll have much difficulty in finding a new line of work. Luckily my now former job presented with experience in a variety of fields. -----------------   I start school in just 12 days. My first collegiate year was rather lackluster but with a newfound motivation and drive, I have high expectations for this upcoming semester.   I've said this many times and it holds true, for any aspiring students not sure about their direction, don't waste time and money on some big school and having your (or parents) pocketbooks gutted. There are a number of community colleges that offer the exact same basic introductory education that you'll receive from any 4 year program.   Or do what I did...attend a regional branch. Most schools have regional campus and they are significantly cheaper and they offer identical education. LLiving at home and commuting might not seem attractive but when you examine the bills I got from Miami (OH) at Oxford and the Middletown regional branch, it was light and day. Attending regional branches doesn't limit your social life by any means.   ---   My sister gets married in exactly 29 days. I'm still not convinced I want the guy to be my brother in law. He's a good guy and all but he's pretty much the equivalent of paint drying. He's an accountant, so I'll appreciate his services in the future regarding my taxes and such. My sister is smart though. She's fairly good looking and never had problems attracting all sorts of guys. I figure she got all the fun out of her system and grabbed onto a guy who isn't going to turn her life into a live episode of COPS and won't sleep around on her and will give her financial happiness.   I love weddings. I just recently attended one over the weekend but being behind the scenes for the preparations for my sister has me seriously contemplating staying single for life. It's bad enough that you feel stressed out but you throw in meddling parents who can't stand each other and disagree on everything and every single possible "disaster" known to man and its fun if you got a front row seat but eventually you'll get thrown into the scene and it's downright ugly.   Drive-thru Wedding Chapels. Seriously, utilize this.   ---   That's all I feel like going into now. Next chapter, learn about my trip to a childhood past, chance meeting with prego friend and my adventures at the auto mall.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Break-Up. Weddings. School.

On Wednesday night, while I was standing in the pouring rain looking into her eyes, with the shriek of thousands around me rushing to get away from the deluge…I answered my own question and confirmed my doubts.   She smiled and nodded her head and I took her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. We didn’t speak to each other for a ½ hour. We just stood in the pouring rain looking out over the river and we finally turned around and headed back to our seats.   It was strange, to break up peacefully. We actually enjoyed the night more this way. A part of me hates that it wasn’t the relationship I dreamt of years ago. I can’t tell what the fault was but I suspect it was just the fact we went into this whole thing trying to fulfill a childhood dream and didn’t realize that it was just that a dream…   It never worked, right from the start. Our schedules alone kept us apart, the spark didn’t extend past that first night of passion (which was just years of tension exploding)…   It’s rare to honestly mean “we’re still friends” but in this instance it is.   The real awkward part is having to see her family again, they are probably more disappointed in the extinction of this relationship then we are.   It’s for the best, really. School is starting in 5 weeks anyways. Miami, home of yuppie hot white pussy. Cool.   School D. Work That’s rightl; I finally came to the decision. I’m taking this really big risk and I’m giving up my cushy well paying office job to go to school full-time.   I could stay on this track and be a top guy before I’m 25 and be making ridiculous money…but it’s not what I want to do.   I said this last time, I can’t be my father.   So, I’m sticking with school. Im going to spend money to get a degree that I’ll probably never use.   Weddings.   This is the wedding season, for me at least. In the next 6 weeks, I’m attending 3 weddings. One for a co-worker, my cousin and my sister.   Obviously the first two are merely “show up” deals but the sister one? That’s big. I’m just an usher, which feels dumb.   I never got weddings, really. I’ve been to over a dozen (I lost count) and probably 2-4 of them are still active.   It’s just another excuse for getting drunk and that means nothing to me. However, watching my grandmother get trashed is worth at least an hour of amusement.   Reds.   So, the Reds are actually still in contention as we near the trade-deadling. On March 1st, I never would have imagined we’d be in this place. Playoffs or no playoffs, I’m exicted to know that for the first time in awhile, it appears we got an intelligent GM and owner that gives a fuck.    

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

CITR. Depression. Baseball.

I’m sitting here in the dark with nothing except the glow of this screen and the sound of some random infomercial keeping my mind from lapsing into a blank state.   Supposedly, I have to be at work in 3 ½ hours and I believe I will be there because that is what I do. Im not remotely tired by any means. I tried to sleep not so long ago but it took me nowhere. By my count, I’ve slept 10 hours in the last 5 days. I’ve done less in longer stretches of time so I’m used to this, a insomniac you could call me.   Ever notice you aren’t happy during these hours? That’s because everything is shut down, except for your biggest distraction, your own mind. That is running at full speed.   You try to avoid the self analyzing conversation by listening to music, flipping around 1850 channels and realizing that nothing is on and nothing is just a repeat. You might even read a book.   I picked up this book and I read the first 30 pages and I observed the notes written in the margins (me at 14, when I first read this fucking book) but I realized, this is a depressing ass book. (Why wouldn’t it be) no wonder so many fuckin’ dumb teens love this book. So I put it back on the shelf.     I hate the summer. Life reaches the absolute peak of misery. The suffocation of the summer night creeping right up through the floorboards and the long endless hours just fucking torture you. How can anyone find this stupid season endearing. It made sense as a child, we didn’t know any better and we got 12 weeks off school.   What’s so great about summer now? I remember summer used to mean swimming every day, flirting with random girls at the local hang-out spot and then long nights and late mornings. I still stand that SUMMER OF 15 is the most exciting time of our lives and nothing can beat that. That summer was everything to me, before it changed. That is truly our final chapter of our adolescence because it’s from there, everything becomes serious.     Summer of 20 sucks. I work so damn much because I was too stupid to turn down a good offer. I surrendered most of my social connections and my relationship as of right now is bordering on the line of extinction and I’m not even bothered by that.   This is a girl, I dreamt about as a horny kid. My earliest masturbatory fantasy and now that I pulled this thing off, Im not really involved in this. We try to convince ourselves that it’s just a matter of bad timing but within us, we’re well aware of the fact it’s just not there as much as we had hoped it could be.   So a fantasy is ruined. That’s why It’s always a mistake to end up with that first crush of your life. Why ruin something like that? I think we’ll probably keep this charade up until school starts and we’ll slide apart. I’m secure that we’ll remain friends as we were before.   A few entries ago, I had mentioned that I was going to be weighing my options about my job and my scholastic adventures. I hate my job but I’m not stupid, This pays really good and it’s fairly easy for a guy like me with my skills.   However, I don’t want to become my father. I respect the hell out of him. He’s a good hard working honest guy, with a tremendous heart and has always been the life of a party. So obviously, aside from looks…I’m nothing like him. I made it easy for myself, I’m a dick and I hate people. However, we each were standing in the exact same spot at age 20 except he was already married.   He left school to provide for his wife and family. He had his reasons and in his eyes, I can see he regrets that. If I leave school for good, what would it be for? More money and nothing else. Is that honorable?   I got about 6 more weeks to hammer down and make this decision. Either way, I lose.   In other not-so depressing aspects of the world, The MLB Mid-season has arrived and I’m stunned the local franchise isn’t in their usual fire-sale mode right now as the old group of morons finally left town (figuratively speaking) and some competent people took over. It’s startling. 1999 was a fluke season for me but I actually feel like this new regime really intends to create a winning ball-club. I’m still I’ll be crushed sooner or later but the feeling of hope is a nice one. I mean after-all, the god damn BENGALS turned things around.     The World Cup has finally ended, so Americans can resume not giving a shit about the real FOOTBALL for another 4 years. What will we take out of this whole experience? Shitty referees and a “icon” (So I’m told) going spastic on the biggest stage of them all. Why don’t we like this sport, again? It reeks of Americanism.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

New cars and beard history.

Update time   +Work is still the same. I was expecting it to finally hit me with some wave of panic but its been a steady ride so far, despite some trouble within the corporate structure itself.   +On the relationship front? Its getting stagnate already and that’s because of the routine we are forced to deal with. These “lunch dates” aren’t doing it for us anymore so when we do take our trip later in July, it’ll be very much welcomed. I know it doesn’t make sense, but we live 30 minutes apart and she works the night shift…but I happen to work a mere 5 miles from her house…so we just have lunch “dates”…as I said in the previous update…thing will change (for the better) once school starts for us.   +My father, (I don’t know if I have mentioned him before or not) finally got a hair-cut this afternoon. This is monumental because it was the first time in 6 years he cut his hair (and that was just at the request of his dying mother, just weeks before her passing).   It’s beyond awkward. I’ve always known him to have obscenely long hair but now that he is reaching the gray hair stage of life, he hacks it off all for a purpose that he resents. (his daughter’s wedding).   I have had only one similar experience to this and that was with my beard back in 2003. For 11 months, I never brought a razor to my face (which is topped by clean shaved head). It had become my identity around town, I had the Mountain man beard, as opposed to the hobo beard. I finally cut it off for reasons I don’t recall but I remember the shock of seeing my bare face for the first time in 11 months. I was almost paralyzed in fear.   Since then, I’ve grown out my hair and kept it at acceptable business style length and kept the beard neatly trimmed because it is in the opinion of many that I am just downright better looking with stubble-ish beard as opposed to the clean shaved or mountain beard deal.   +I am buying a new car in September. In 5 years of driving, I have owned 3 cars...   My first car, was a hand me down from my uncle 1993 Chevy Lumina. I was 15 and still running on the temps, when he was going to junk the car but I asked if I could have it so I wouldn't have to buy my own car right away once I got my license. He handed me the keys...   I used the car only as practice for 6 months and I never had any personal attachment towards it. Once I had my license, I kept that car for 3 more months until I bowed down to peer pressure and sold it for a measly $800 bucks and then I brought this...1999 Dodge Avenger. I loved this car as it looked good, drove good and had a fantastic sound system already installed.   I kept this car for 2 years and loved driving it but I agreed to help my sister out after her car blew up and instead of making her buy a new car(she could barely pay for college), I gave her my car and brought a 2002 F-150 lightning   I have driven this truck ever since and I'm going to keep it as my company vehicle (as the one we have is old anyways and they are basically buying it off me)...so I don't know what to get.   I don't want another truck for all the obvious reasons as well as just plain tired of driving one. I'm looking towards another mid-size car like the first two but they weren't good on gas mileage (which wasn't a concern for me then, but is now) but I refuse to get one of those generic Camry's or whatever.   I'll keep you updated on the car hunt status.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

seeking a home to bury these bones

I know it isn’t normal of me to follow up a blog so quickly but I was bored and I know I am coming down with something. Whatever trendy summer flu is around, it’s seeking a home to bury these bones.   I only get sick (really sick, not the sniffles or headaches) but the kind of sick that renders the toilet seat to be your lone comfort and essentially drains you, once every 2 years. Since I have a really bad feeling that it’s time for it again (last visit was winter 2004)…I went ahead and finished up as much work as I could today in preparation for the days I’ll miss. Luckily, we’re smooth sailing and my absence won’t detour things. The real bitch is?   I will obviously be using my sick days, I hate losing these. I was supposed to take a vacation with my gf sometime in the next month or so (naturally we haven’t planned a fucking thing), so that might be in jeopardy. I get paid vacation, but if im going to be off for a few days. I might have to X the trip.   I never get sick when It would benefit me.   It’s early this summer, but I am already thinking about college. I want to take a full semester of classes again but I can’t with work…I cant decide at this moment what is better for me… Pursuing my education or leaving it for a well paying job that I don’t enjoy. I’ll struggle with this (in)decision for the next two months until I finally decide.   -   It’s June 14th, and roughly that means it is basically the mid-way point of 2006 and I’ve made a rough edition of my BEST OF 2006 lists   Wrestler of the ½ Year 1. Bryan Danielson 2. Mysterio 3. Chris Benoit 4. Kurt Angle 5. Samoa Joe 6. KENTA 7. Austin Aries 8. Marufuji 9. Nigel McGuiness 10. Roderick Strong 11. Christopher Daniels 12. Finlay 13. Paul London 14. Homicide 15. Shawn Michaels   (After a down year, Benoit is back in form. Samoa Joe hasn't busted out his now annual 5* match but there is still 6 1/2 months left and the inevitable Danielson/Joe re-match. McGuiness is the biggest surprise this year as he has improved tremendously, which has to be attributed to his NOAH tours and his elevated efforts in ROH. Homicide will probably have a hot second half as his shoulder is healed and he's done with the blood feud with Cabana.   Match of the ½ Year   1. Blood Generation Vs DO-FIXER (3.31-Supercard of Honor)   2. Kurt Angle Vs The Undertaker (2.19-No Way Out)   3. Jack Evans and Roderick Strong Vs Briscoes (3.25-Best in the World)   4. Bryan Danielson and Samoa Joe Vs KENTA and Naomichi Marufuji (3.25-Best in the World)   5. Kurt Angle Vs Mysterio (6.2-Smackdown)   6. Chris Benoit Vs Finlay (5.21-Judgment Day)   7. Samoa Joe Vs AJ Styles Vs Christopher Daniels (2.12-Against all Odds)   8. Colt Cabana Vs Homicide (4.1-Better then Our Best)   9. Bryan Danielson Vs Roderick Strong (3.31-Supercard of Honor)   10. Mick Foley Vs Edge (4.2-WrestleMania 22)   11. Mysterio Vs Finlay (3.24-Smackdown)   12. Bryan Danielson Vs Nigel McGuiness(4.29-Weekend of Champions Night 2)   13. Jimmy Jacobs Vs BJ Whitmer (3.30-Dragon Date Challenge)   14. Samoa Joe Vs Christopher Daniels (4.13-iMPACT)   15. Randy Orton Vs Chris Benoit (1.27-Smackdown)   Surprisingly stronger year from WWE thus far then 2005.        

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

RUDO. Idiot at work. Love.

Random Thoughts   -Idiot co-worker   !!!   Pretty frustrating, last Thursday I met with a well known cereal company about doing a job for them and everything was on board and ready to go and we were to start production in early august for it. I sent the rep to our sales exec to finalize it.   I come in on Friday morning and I’m told we lost the account. This was a HUGE account and the old fuck we have as our sales exec fumbled the ball on the 1 yard line.   It happens though, you don’t get them all but I pissed because I gave a great pitch all for nothing.   All the asshole had to say was “We’ll get the next one, trust me”.   Fuck you Old timer. You can’t do your fucking job.   -Making it work   I hate not having time for a relationship now that I am actually in one that I want to be in. The previous relationships were us constantly together and that was nice but now I really want to be with my current GF but since I work mornings and afternoons with her working nights as a hostess…obviously our time is limited. We usually meet once a day for lunch together. 90 minutes isn’t enough. Luckily, I’m taking a week vacation soon and we’ll probably escape there and catch up on lost time.   I guess, this is one of those “growing up” things that KKK talks about…when relationships can’t be a constant state of Puppy Love.   -RUDO ON ECW     The ECW stuff has been a complete joke. From the start of the entire idea of the re-birth.   Rudo, nailed it last night. The only thing interesting about the PPV was the crowd and you can get that at any ROH or Indy show. You won’t get that crowd night in and night out.   WWE is being raped by Sci-Fi already. THEY DON’T WANT TO BE WITH WRESTLING.   Remember the last time a network didn’t want ECW? The WWE name helps slightly but not enough.   I can’t fathom how they expected this to work after conceptualizing the idea just 2 months ago. You can’t launch a huge rebirth in that short time frame.   It’ll never work. It’ll be as irrelevant as Smackdown only with a couple smark orientated angles from Heyman to appease his fan base.   Last night just shows It’ll be the same style with a different name slapped on it.   People want to call RUDO a negative minded person, but not what he really is. A open eyed person. Does he nit-pick? Sure. He pays attention to details, which isn't allowed in the minds of the mutants who have spawned again in the fake rebirth.   -DO FIXER Vs BLOOD GENERATION   This is deserving of the praise it has gotten from Meltzer and the rave reviews from across the net.   Just superb.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

CiCi's, clay, teeth and Samoa Joe.

CiCi’s   - I think I expressed my hatred for this place once, in KKK’s blog. In case you are lucky enough to not have one of these fucking rattraps in your neighborhood, CiCi’s is a low-rent cheap pizza buffet resturant designed for the legions of soccer mom’s and their brat kids.   Granted, I’ll give credit to the creators of this place because it was a bang-up idea to force fed a endless supply of crappy pizza in various forms ranging from the standard selections to things like Chili and chedder, Tuna fish (yea, you read that) and a chocolate chip pizza. Just think of a nasty pizza combonation and they have it.   I always avoid this place, I don’t care if it is only $3.99 for unlimited buffet. The pizza, (the normal kind I would eat) are cardboard with putrid sauce and the cheese tastes dated…combine that horror with a throng of brats running around hopped on sugar playing wack-a-mole and leaving piles of crusts on the plates. I feel sorry for the poor Mexicans forced to clean the dishes and such.   Anyways, I’ve only been there 4 times before. The first time out of curiosity and the others I was dragged to. Such as this afternoon.   I had only worked ½ a day, since I was ahead of schedule, I planned on just meeting with my gf and going out to lunch with her and such, but she informed me that her little cousin turned 7 today and her family was meeting @ CiCi’s for her party.   This would be the first family function with her as her official boyfriend, while I’ve known them for years…it becomes a whole different game now…so It was in the environment of the place I hate above all else and a bunch of fucking kids.   I grinned through it, putting on my best face. I had two slices of crummy pepperoni and left it at that. I actually didn’t mind conversing with her family but I swear my stomach was plotting doom against me for putting that lethal poison inside me.   I survived the event, gave her a ride to her work (she’s a hostess at a Italian resturant that I can’t even pronounce and of course, works til midnight) and I vowed to my stomach that I would NEVER EVER inject that shit into me again.   I warn you, if you haven’t been there before…and you start getting curious…just pass. Fucking pass. Trust me.   -   "Work".   Heh. Actually I’m really getting into the whole “Boss” thing. I haven’t fucked up yet, which surprises me because aren’t things supposed to go wrong at first.   The only problem is that my best workers, had some nerve damage to his gums and had to have surgery to take out his teeth. So basically, he has no teeth right now and can’t be fitted for replacements for another 2-3 months.   It’s not that hard to work with him despite his difficulty with speaking but he’s having trouble. He’s physically weakened from all the painkillers and treatment they have shoved into him and that is where my concern lies.   He’ll have to keep taking this medication until they replace them…He’s getting behind but not enough that I can’t cover for him but I know I can’t have him missing time for the next 2-3 months on a consistant basis.   Aside from his current condidtion, he’s the best guy I got since he knows the stuff inside and out.   I’ll give him a couple weeks to adjust to the physical change. He should have my job, really. I don’t do that much physical stuff anymore. I’d rather be in the field working it, but the paycheck differential changes my tune rather swiftly.   -   Sports.   Hockey. I don’t get OLN, so I’ve been missing out on the playoffs, which is a shame because I actually enjoy playoff hockey more then I do playoff basketball but since I can see every team in the NBA on a regular basis and follow the season…it’s easier to get into it…   That make sense? Anyways, my point is I wish I could see the games. I just don’t get why NHL agreed to a network with such low visibility. Didn’t Spike offer a deal?   Basketball.   I’m not really a fan of any of the 3 remaining teams but I am thoroughly enjoying this post-season as it’s certaintly been the best post-season I can recall in my life-time.   It seems like it’ll conclude with Miami Vs Dallas. This was probably (after Miami/Lakers), the network’s dream match-up. You got star power with Shaq/Wade/Riley Vs Dirk/Cuban and it escapes the NJ/SA/Detroit trap of ratings death.   Both teams are tremendously popular, although Miami more times then not bores me (aside from Wade).   Dallas is just fun to watch, and so is PHX. I’d love to see the Suns bump off Shaq and go into Curt Henning circa 1990 all over the court. I’m talking 360 flips and somersaults.   Tennis.   Okay, Maybe I’m a rarity but I like the “FRENCH OPEN” as America has so nicely dumbed the name down for our understanding. I dig the whole clay court stuff. It’s just different from the normal thing. I wouldn’t want to see it all-year long but it’s good to see different styles and methods every once in awhile.   Wrestling.   Are we supposed to be excited about ECW revival? I’m not, It already has mistake written all over it. There’s still way to much McMahonisms going into this deal that completely forces me to be reluctant.   Smackdown is a wasteland right now, yet despite the chaos…it’s still more entertaining then Raw.   I guess we’ll be having the SS debate for the next 6 months and no one will ever change their stance. It’s sort of like a smaller scale Bret/Shawn deal.   I recently ordered the remaining editions of the ROH MILESTONE SERIES (Better then Our Best and 100th Show), I finished 4YA and Arena Warfare and Best in the World. Dragon Date Challenge and Supercard of Honor is on the horizon.   Best in the World, was just flat out superb. The tag main event of Joe/Danielson Vs KENTA and Marufuji, Strong/Evans Vs Briscoes were tag team wrestling with two very different styles.   I loved the SHIMMER match, as it’s refreshing to see good american women’s wrestling. Martinez, Haze, Danger and Lacey were very enjoyable along with being attractive, so it’s the best of both worlds so to speak. Although, Lacey was the weak link of the group.   The main event really sets things up for the Danielson/KENTA title match that is all but likely to occur in August and of course, Joe/Danielson II. The first match in ROH for the title was greatly underlooked thanks to being overshadowed by JvPII 2 weeks later.   Just a quick side note   My Top Ten Samoa Joe Matches 1. Joe Vs CM Punk- Joe Vs Punk II 2. Joe Vs Kenta Kobashi- Joe/Kobashi 3. Joe Vs AJ Styles Vs Christopher Daniels-Unbreakable 4. Joe Vs CM Punk-All Star Extravaganza II 5. Joe Vs Bryan Danielson- Midnight Express Reunion 6. Joe Vs Austin Aries-Final Battle 04 7. Joe and Lethal Vs Homicide and Low Ki-Nowhere to Run 8. Joe Vs Necro Butcher-Something to Prove 9. Joe Vs Chris Sabin-No Surrender 10. Joe Vs AJ Styles- Sacrifice   The show always included a solid Yang/Rave and Daniels/Shelley match-up, but over-all this show is just setting up the next four shows which went to an whole new level. If you are looking to start with ROH, you need to start with the Milestone series. Right now, ROH is having a Buy 3 Get 1 Free sale, which means you can get all 7 shows for merely $120 bucks and toss in an extra DVD and there’s a lot of quality to get and not just ROH shows but Straight Shootings with a host of big names and the Secrets of the Ring series with Raven, which he goes into through details about the psychological aspects of working, the politics, how to format a match and structure it to the crowd. It’s a different style from the standard shoot programs and Raven goes into EXPLICT details on how he designed the Dreamer, Sandman and Punk storylines from the ideas to the actual execution.   I strongly rec’d the Raven SOTR series, because it’s quite informative, intelligent and often times, flat out funny.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

A Take on the Music Industry

"You've got to accept that results take time. If you're not in it for the long haul, you're going to be frustrated and give up.   "To open your heart to someone means exposing the scars of the past."   There's no sensation like having your heart warm up as you involuntarily start singing a song.   The rest of the world falls away. It's just you, your best self, reveling in how fucking great it is to be alive.   In this world with so many delights.In an era of loneliness, the musicians, the players, they're there for each other. They might not be rich in dollars, but in friendships, they're BILLIONAIRES!   Music is dope. Sell it that way. Get people hooked so they won't let go. One hopes to make music that will last forever. Ironically, you can only do this if you forget the future and do what feels right now.   If you're not testing the limits, life isn't worth living. Artistry is not something that can be quantified. Nor is it something that can be learned. Artists are born. And are developed outside the educational system.   Make music the hottest entertainment medium once again, not a national JOKE! It was because of the SOUND! It soothed us, it opened doors in our mind, it INSPIRED us. Then you hear a song and everything is right in the world.   Artistry. It's something innate, something that comes from within. It must be NURTURED, not KILLED!   Test the limits, touch people's souls, then you're an artist. Music has been around since the dawn of time, and will continue to exist, great records will be made. It's just that today music is not where it's at.   Singing songs to stay alive. Nobody really leaves home anymore. Nobody takes a risk. The concept of starting a new life on a whim, it doesn't even enter their brain. But that's what the old rock stars did. In patched together automobiles they made their way. Like a giant summer camp, musicians lived in different houses and journeyed to their friends' cabins, to hang out, get high and sing. There were no news crews. Not even any record companies at first. It was about lifestyle, not fame. And with this genesis, with the sixties values as a backdrop, the most enduring music of the rock era was created. Where's the music scene today? Where's the community of like-minded musicians in it for the tunes rather than the bucks? In an era where the buck is king. Everything's so sold out/whored out that there's no belief involved. It's just endless product. That is essentially meaningless. And without meaning, you've got no hooks, nothing to stick to the audience. Connecting with other people.   That's the guts of MySpace too, People want to meet others, they want to flirt, want to exchange information.   Where is the control in the music business? The music business is one way. We concoct it, you buy it, FUCK YOU! It's like the entire business missed it, the Internet revolution.   There's a community as strong as there was in Laurel Canyon, it's just virtual.   As for the acts exhibiting their wares on MySpace and other places on the Web, they've been exposed to twenty five years of MTV, they're experts on exploitation, but light on soul. The sale precedes the tune. Imaging is key. Everybody's got a business plan, nobody is growing his talent.   'Completely let go of the past, depended on it,Be ready to reinvent yourself. Live on absolutely nothing, knowing that all you've got is your experiences, and that your physical assets don't really count'   Don't feel bad if you don't get today's music. It doesn't have what the old tunes did. It doesn't have a sense of adventure, a sense of limit-testing, a sense of JOY! Because it's coming from a different place. It's hard to create a scene today. Because as soon as you've got a flame, the press fans it into a conflagration, and then it burns out almost instantly. You'd think the record companies would finally understand. Chasing the buck, they run acts up the flagpole and overexpose them again and again and again. Nothing is allowed to grow.   Acts are not allowed to percolate, growing their base a fan at a time.   And if you don't make the kind of music that's easily sold, if you're not willing to play ball with the corporate behemoth, you don't get to play at all.   Unlike in the late sixties and the early seventies, the act is not king, but the label. And the label likes this, feels entitled, for risk is anathema to these corporate entities. And, as delineated above, risk is primary to great art.   We all want something to believe in, something to live for. I ask you, with endless conventions, books about how to make it, institutionalized success paths, who can get excited?   Not only not the talent, but the audience either. Isn't it funny that everything kids get excited about is on the Web, built by their peers and populated with content they've created? And isn't it fascinating that the corporate behemoths have missed this every stop of the way, and can only get in by buying sites that could die tomorrow? You'd think MTV would own music on the Web, but with a corporate commercial viewpoint, the music video channel missed it. It's clear that the old days, the old systems are done. The structures are decaying, they're empty.   A new world is being built by young 'uns the same way young 'uns built the music scene in the last century, stealing the whole business from old farts.   I can't tell you what's coming. But I can tell you what we've got now is dead. Kaput."   Music Died. The thread in the music forum defined that in the lack of a movement other then niche cores and heartless corporate empires.    

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Flat Tires on the road to "destiny"

I don’t want to turn this into a running diary of my work-life but I think what happened today needs to be told because of absurdity of it all.   Fridays are designed to be laid back, we usually ship on those dates and that really means we aren’t actually working on the products. We had a small part order to send to Centerville which was only about 40 minutes from our building.   I grabbed one of those rookie kids, I mentioned in the last entry and handed him the keys to our company pickup and we loaded the parts and he left.   This was @ 11:00, Shawn (the kid), should have been back around 1:30 by our estimates. It was 1:00 when my assistant hands me the phone while I’m eating a late lunch with another manager in the conference room.   “It’s Shawn”, she says as she backs away…   “Yeah, what’s up? Everything go all right?” I ask him and he stutters to begin with but he finally blurts out “Yeah, I got the stuff dropped off okay. But there’s a problem” and I get this gut punch feeling creeping up…   “What is it?” I ask, fearing the answer. “Well, the front tire…it’s flat, well it’s popped actually. Shredded up.” “Okay, well change the tire” I say, uncertain of why he needed to act like it was a big deal. Then he drops this bombshell on me…   “Well…I don’t know how to change a tire”.   I nearly choked on my chicken sandwich, okay…this kid isn’t the brightest guy but he’s a hard worker and a decent all around person but HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU BE 18 YEARS OLD AND NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A MOTHERFUCKING TIRE!!!!!   Anyways, after soaking in the absurd notion that he was incapable of simply putting a spare on…I decided that instead of sending someone else his way, and because I didn’t want to embarrass the idiot, so I got directions to the gas station he pulled over at and headed down there.   Here is the problem, the moron not only can’t change a tire but he couldn’t give proper directions at all. I followed his directions as her told me them and he wasn’t even within distance of where he led me.   I tell him to go inside the station and get the address, so I can have my assistant map quest the right directions and shockingly, the numb nuts didn’t fuck that up.   I got the right directions as I was amazed by this whole sequence of events that I had to laugh at it.   I turn into the station and He’s sitting on the tail gate just staring at the ground fumbling with his cell phone.   I look at him and before he even utters a word, I simply inform him   “Don’t. Whatever. Look, this is the first and last time I’m doing anything like this for you. Get the jack out from under the passenger seat and the spare is under the truck.   It’s one thing to teach my girlfriends over the years the art of simple car care, but not when someone that I trust to handle machines worth hundreds of thousands for international big money corporations.   Is this how my father felt when he tried to “teach” me when I was 14 how to change a tire. Luckily for Shawn, I was more patient then my father ever considered being.   Finally, he got the job finished. I gave him a golf clap applause when he finished. He didn’t even say a word during the whole process other then yes/no answers.   I went inside the station and brought us a couple waters and told him I would drive the truck back, and he could drive my car back to the office.   He struggled to say “Thanks” but I cut him off and told him “No. I was just doing my job, my job is to lead my workers. We all need to ask for help at some point, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s cool. Don’t do it again though”…   Then I playfully slapped him and told him to scram.   It was really awkward to be honest, I was and still am stunned that someone couldn’t manage a process like changing a tire at the age of 18 but I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised.   -   This weekend is a holiday but it’s not really for me. I’m working a little tomorrow afternoon and part of monday. Sunday will be good though. INDY 500/Coca-Cola 600 along with my GF coming home that night, so we can see where it was all building to all these years. She’s coming home earlier then planned, and I have to say I’m nervously excited.   Here is the problem…I known her my whole life. We pretty much grew up together and our families are close. Each family has always expressed hope that someday we’d end up together and apparently…My father had always believed it’d be her. He even kept a picture of us together on Hallowen from when I was like 10.   I had one of my rare intense honest talks with my father a couple days ago and he told me, that for the first time that he thinks I figured it all out as far as girls are concerned. I’m just concerned the families will get more involved then they should and ruin everything that we waited for.   Usually, I try to plan out my relationships but with her, I figure we ended up together the way we did and that wasn't even expected, for me at least. We decided to go on a trip together in a couple weeks.   I'm not worried about the transition from friends to couple, i've done that before with modest success. Maybe it's too fast but its like we already been through the bullshit most new relationships endure already...it doesn't hurt to skip a couple levels.   - Wrestling is boring me these days. I got like a pile of unwatched DVD’s just stacking up.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Work. Just nothingness.

I’ve mentioned before about my job and my recent promotion as head of the assembly crew. If you recall, I was once just a meager worker on that crew until the company did some shuffling and assigned me as the new head of that crew. Since the crew was shuffled around, it was basically just me left standing. I hired 4 “new” (as in former laid off employees) and a couple rookie punks that work for free (part of school credit).   What we do is simply this; we design, build, customize and assemble conveyors of all sorts to various major corporations. My specific job is to assemble the conveyors @ our home site and the company we build for gives it the approval and then we dismantle weeks of work to pack it up and then my crew goes to their HQ’s, warehouses, fields and whatnot and re-assemble it. Yeah, hardly what I expected to be doing @ 20 years old when I started HS. I make good money though, so hooray.   Anyways, here is the point of the back story explaining the purpose of my job (I’m a detail whore). This morning I had a “big” meeting with some rep’s from a big name corporation (let’s say it rhymes with Mineral Metric). This was new for me, I’ve done meetings on sites but never as a direct reprehensive of my company, and even the home field advantage wasn’t helping me.   It’s no big secret why I got the gig; the boss is my father’s best friend. He had seen me as his son for years. People think that shit is an advantage…It’s not. It just means I got to work double and bust my ass harder to prove I earn my wages. Now that I’m a suit, I can make more $ and do ¼ of that work.   So I’m sitting there, bored out of my mind listening to this moron fuck babble about design changes he wanted to implement and during his diatribe, his cell phone goes off. (Fucking piece of shit). He doesn’t rush to end the very important conversation with whoever the fuck it was (his tax attorney or mistress, im guessing. Maybe a little of both). Finally, after I masquerade through a bullshit grin and false “Oh, It’s okay” sincerity, we hammer down and I basically bullshitted him into agreeing to do what I had planned to do with the job in the first place but he talked forever and walked out feeling like god thinking he turned me. Whatever, douche bag.   So I take the original and new prints (same one, but don’t let him know that) and I gather my crew up and we go over it. Here is where I get pissed, my rookie trainees were completely into the prints, asking questions and throwing out suggestions. While a couple of the older “new” guys were basically tuning me out, I get that they know this shit pretty well and have heard it all before. I was in their shoes not so long ago. I’m sure it has to suck being middle age, with wife and kids and taking orders from a punk ass 20 year old college student. Tough shit, you want to pay your mortgage? Either pay attention to me, or grovel to get your previous piece of shit job you slaved for lesser pay back.   I’m a good boss, I think. I listen, pay proper credit to the ones deserving, I haven’t fucked anyone over (yet)…So I’m not sure if this is a reaction to working for me or they just couldn’t give a shit about this job. They should be appreciative, I didn’t have to hire them. I could have loaded up with a bunch of Mexicans and got the job done dirt cheap, but I wasn’t going to account for missing drive engines, steel beams and Flex-Link chains.   This was all before lunch, and we were going to dive into that job this afternoon and to motivate them, I treated them to lunch at Applebee’s and expensed it. I left the “vets” to do the jobs, while I took the trainees out to our housing facility and showed them the previous job we had done for that company, to show them how it operates and all that jazz. They were thoroughly involved, taking notes, questions. I appreciated that, they aren’t even getting paid and they cared more about this job then the overpriced fucks I left at the shop.   The moral? It is my belief that the less $ you make, (or none at all), the harder you work.   ---   Other world stuff…   I was going to mention this in the thread about it in the LSD fourm, but I figured WP gayed it up enough.   after all that bullshit…the boyfriend was cheating on her for the last couple months. She was actually in a committed stance. Typical…BF accuses the gf of cheating, when it was really him all along.   I still would like to know the purpose of his tirade against me though. I wasn’t worried before, and I guess now it’s behind me for good now.   Before anyone makes the assumption that the ex will work her way back towards me. She isn’t going to. Besides, like I’ve said all along…I wouldn’t do it anyways. Especially now.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

I love the world

It might stand, right now as the best weekend of the year for me. In fact, it was. Without any doubt in my mind, I'll remember the weekend of May 20/21 for quite some time.   How often does a childhood crush come to fruition when you least expected it(observe the thread in LSD regarding my ex and her boyfriend)? I hadn't expected it to occur but I'm glad I did. How often do you find the girl that everyone always said was the one for you, and you knew it all along but it never could happen and you let it go by and you moved on.   I spent all day with her saturday, embracing the sun with her friends and her family. I don't know what led to this, it just happened with a kiss that sent a pop bang shot through my heart.   There are different kinds of kisses, that kiss was the kind of kiss that blows you away. The kind of kiss that is 100x better then some worthless fuck, the type of kiss that lingers physically and emotionally for awhile.   She is away on vacation right now and I'm already counting the days til I see her again and start something, that will probably define not only myself, her but my childhood and my future to come.   I spent the last few months feeling down because of two girls that made me down. One girl cheated on me (something that has been covered well enough here) and the other girl, who was my best friend and I guess in some ways, still is but losing her questioned my will to give "love" another try.   Things have a way of working out for you, if you let it happen.   You can be a worthless loser like WP's gimmick and always think about it, but never actually do anything. He'll never know moments like this weekend, he'll never realize that a stripper is paid to flirt and smile at him. He can try to play Freud and analyze my relationships but he can't talk about something he never been through. WP, might be able to analyze a wrestling match to intricate details but he can't speak on love or anything remotely similar to it.   I'd rather actually do the real thing, feel the realness with the chill down her spine sending her into shivers.      

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

TV Show List

I'm bored and I felt like making a list...so here is my top 20 favorite TV shows list (past and present)   20. TITUS 19. NYPD Blue 18. Dead Like Me 17. Curb Your Enthusiasm 16. Boy Meets World 15. Veronica Mars 14. Deadwood 13. Law and Order 12. One Tree Hill 11. Six Feet Under   and the top ten are...   10   9   8   7   6   5   4   3   2   1    

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

WP really annoys me

I thought about starting another thread devoted to him but decided against it. He's really on my nerves tonight with his complete inability to understand that cleaning ladies are common and his walking into my thread about my ex-girlfriend and her bf.   also, the comments in the munchie thread as well.   Anyone else getting tired of this guy? It was cute for awhile, then downright sad and now it's irritating.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Mother, Mother

Change the world, one by one   When I graduated high school, after collecting piles of envelopes stuffed with cash from uncles and aunts and the rest of the family circle, My mother handed me this box.   It was a leather box and inside it was this small card about the size of an index and it read that. The box had belonged to my grandfather, who died before I was born and she handed it down to me as I was the first male in her side of the family to graduate high school.   I know it's trendy to hate your parents and pretend like they don't matter but it's bullshit. They do mean something, for better or for worse. Maybe I was one of those lucky few in this world but I actually like my parents. Not because I have to but because they are genuinely good people with good hearts who care about the important things in life (love, family etc). I've been blessed to have a father who made a good living for me and my older sister and a devoted mother who I consider a friend more then a mother. My girlfriends have also felt like she was a friend more then a mother. She is the kind of person you can talk to for hours about anything. Its sad that alot of people are afraid of their parents, and for that I'll never understand it. Get to know where you came from.   Today is Hallmark's big day to celebrate mothers. Just another beautiful thing (motherhood) that Hallmark has raped.   ----   Apparently I'm over in Leena and Tekcop's world. That's good company. I'm just me, and unlike 95% of this place...I'm not a gimmick looking for attention and jockeying for a spot on the social status here. So I'm content as #3 on Leena's list.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Somewhere a clock is ticking

So this weekend didn't quite finish the way I expected, hell it never even got started.   I attended the ROH show in Dayton on Friday night, the show was alright but it lacked that special quality that it needed. At least Joe/Sydal Vs Gen Next and the CZW/ROH brawl were insane. I had prepared to go to OU to meet my friend, Natalie (KKK's favorite) and just visit with her and take her to Cleveland with me for part two of the ROH OHIO DOUBLESHOT weekend.   I was packing up my car about to leave for Athens, I gotten a phone-call from my ex. Her uncle had died a few days ago and hadn't gotten around to calling me to tell me the funeral was that day.   Her uncle was a good man, he treated me with alot of respect and taught me things I am still grateful for. He died of some cancer, he was barely into his 50's. It's a shame when good people like him die young and I see miserable pricks still alive who serve nothing to soceity other then giving us someone to not want to be.   I'm not a big funeral person. I have probably been to 5-6 funerals in my lifetime and all of them usually involved my family or family friends, which meant I usually had people I knew around me to avoid the awkwardness of it all.   I called Natalie to inform her that I couldn't come today which she launched a tirade and I just hung up on her. I went to the funeral and it was awkward as expected. I hadn't seen any of these people since me and my ex broke up last summer.   Me and Her, had seen each other a couple times since then, both cordial meetings. I couldn't resist noticing that she looked incredible, which is weird because why would you look so good for a funeral?   I mingled around and I was surprised most people remembered me. It was nice to see them again but especially nice to see her again.   It might seem funny but maybe this funeral will get us back together. The problem is...I'm still attached to my other ex/best friend who is @ Kent right now. She comes home next week.   I guess I need to make a decision...go with the EX who I love to death...even if she betrayed me a year ago...or the EX that loves me but I dont love her..even if she sacrificed everything for me a year ago.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

What is going on

It's been awhile since I checked in here, so here's a quasi update on my world beyond TSM.   Classes end next wednesday. Actually, I only have one exam to take as the rest of my final scores depend on projects or portfolios.   This would conclude my first year of college and I can conclude that it was a disapointing expeirence. I did fairly well academically, which was never a concern despite my alarming laziness. I spent the first semester at the main campus @ Oxford living in a house with a couple other guys. I enjoyed that although it really wasn't the Animal House thrill I expected.   Unlike alot of the kids who go to Miami, I don't have my parents throwing me $ to attend this school. It was my decision, as I am paying for school on my own, that I would move back in my house and just commute to Miami's regional school in Middletown. This is a 20 minute commute and probably for the best because academically, everything is the same.   I will continue at Miami. I had considered transfering to Kent St where my ex/best friend goes but I decided that I couldn't just follow her. I have to make my own mark. So I'll stay at Miami. I'm attending all three branches, Oxford/Middletown/Hamilton.   I got a promotion at work   For the last two years, I have worked at a plant. We design and build customized conveyor systems for all sorts of companies like Kellog's, General Electric, Honeywell Security, 3M Corp and DHL.   My job was on the parts assembly crew, and on occasions I would do field jobs. Where I would go to the company's base and build the conveyor on-site or just repair them.   The security that is involved at places like General Electric, is fucking CRAZY. I probably had to go through 100 checkpoints, had my work-truck throughly scanned and they had posted guards to watch me while I worked. I had to get clearence just to take my drill out of my box. It would normally take 2 hours to do those jobs but GE made it take 10 hours. Just fucking nuts.   Anyways, after two years of doing that...I was promoted to foreman of the assembly crew. What this means is essentially nothing except a title and a 5% raise, which I like. The idea is that most of my crew that I worked with is being moved around...supposedly getting higher jobs.   Here is the bullshit of it. I am 20 years old, the youngest and least tenured person on that crew and I got the foreman job (the former foreman left the job for personal reasons). I know why I got the job and so does everyone else. The president of the plant, is my father's best friend. That's how I got the job to begin with. Luckily, I worked my ass off enough to convince those other guys that I earn my pay. Now, this advancement isn't going to help my image. Since my crew is being split apart, I have to assemble a new crew in the next 2 weeks.   Summer time, is our busy time. I'm supposed to handle big orders from fucking Kellog's and Honeywell all summer (which means dealing with them as well) and I also gotta train 4-5 new guys.   This weekend, could be AWESOME or really, really bad   This weekend, I have plans (gasp!). On friday night, I make the short trek to Dayton to attend the RING OF HONOR show. I'll cover my expecations for this show in a later blog. Saturday morning, after a short stint at work I will drive to Athens, OH. Which is where Ohio University is located.   Readers of this blog (all 2 of you) might remember my friend Natalie, the former egomanaical virgin turned mother to be. I decided to give her a visit, since she has been going nuts (understandably so) and I figure she needs an old friend to rest her mind. I'm taking her out of Athens for the day and we're going to drive to Cleveland, and attend that night's ROH show. It is after that show, we will head to Kent St to visit my ex (and she's willing to put up with Nat for the night, despite their mutual dislike). So that'll be fun or exciting at least. It's possible I regret this. Considering who i'm spending the majority of the weekend with. The ROH shows, will be good at least.    

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

2005: The MOTY and WOTY

Now, that I have finally caught all the offerings of 2005 (although FIP is way behind) and I haven’t gotten through OVW yet. So It’s possible I could be making changes later this year.   *This is NA exclusive as I’m still behind on Puro*     2005 The Top Twenty   20. Austin Aries Vs CM Punk (ROH-Death before Dishonor III)   19. James Gibson Vs Austin Aries (ROH-The Final Showdown)   18. Alex Shelley Vs Claudio Castagnoli (ROH-This Means War)   17. AJ Styles Vs Christopher Daniels (TNA-Bound for Glory)   16. Bryan Danielson Vs Spanky (ROH-BOASJ)   15. CM Punk Vs Jimmy Rave (ROH-Nowhere to Run)   14. Kurt Angle Vs Shelton Benjamin (WWE-Raw)   13. Samoa Joe Vs AJ Styles (TNA-Sacrifice)   12. Samoa Joe Vs Necro Butcher (IWA-Something to Prove)   11 Shelton Benjamin Vs Shawn Michaels (WWE-Raw)   10. CM Punk Vs Roderick Strong (ROH-Escape from New York)   9. Bryan Danielson Vs CM Punk (FIP-Bring the Pain)   8. Rey Mysterio Vs Eddie Guerrero (WWE-Smackdown. 6.23)   7. Samoa Joe and Jay Lethal Vs Low Ki and Homicide (ROH-Nowhere to Run)   6. Kurt Angle Vs Shawn Michaels (WWE-WM21)   5. Samoa Joe Vs AJ Styles Vs Christopher Daniels (TNA-Unbreakable)   4. Low Ki Vs KENTA (ROH-Final Battle 2005)   3. Bryan Danielson Vs Roderick Strong (ROH-Vendetta)   2. Samoa Joe Vs Kenta Kobashi (ROH-Joe Vs Kobashi)   1. Bryan Danielson Vs James Gibson (ROH-Glory by Honor IV)   Here’s the Worker Tally (repeat names only) Bryan Danielson: 4 (#1, #3, #9 and #16) James Gibson: 2 (#1 and #19) CM Punk: 4 (#9, #10, #15 and #20) Roderick Strong: 2 (#3 and # 10) Low Ki: 2 (#4 and #7) AJ Styles: 3 (#5, #13 and #17) Christopher Daniels: 2 (#5 and #17) Kurt Angle: 2 (#6 and #14) Shawn Michaels: 2 (#6 and #11) Samoa Joe: 5 (#2, #5, #7, #12 and #13)   *This indicates a really strong year for Joe, Punk and Dragon(which is impressive, as he missed 4 months of 2005 in NA) and that Shawn Michaels, despite being one of the oldest active members of the WWE roster is still putting on the top performences for the WWE. It is in my opinion though, that 2005 was the year of CM PUNK.   Establishing 4 top twenty matches, in addition to a handful of honorable mentions, he also captured the ROH World Title in a memorable fashion and had a excellent heel turn in the process. The storyline of Punk holding the ROH Title hostage in the summer, was easily a top five storyline in all of wrestling and don't forget his emotional farewell in Chicago against Colt Cabana in a 2/3 falls match. That show ranks #2 all-time best seller for ROH (behind Joe/Kobashi, and ahead of Joe-Punk II). CM Punk moved onto OVW, where he was an instant star and has had great matches and storyline with Brent Albright.   My Top 15 workers of 2005 1. Samoa Joe 2. Bryan Danielson 3. Kurt Angle 4. James Gibson 5. CM Punk 6. Eddie Guerrero 7. Christopher Daniels 8. AJ Styles 9. Shawn Michaels 10. Rey Mysterio 11. Shelton Benjamin 12. Low Ki 13. Roderick Strong 14. Austin Aries 15. Brian Kendrick

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

'Don't You wonder what could have been?

I would like to assume that people read my aptly titled, 'ramblings' because they have a interest in my content or because there's not much content to be found around these parts. Either way...   I noticed a theme regarding my comments, from the wise men of TSM and their sage words. You haven't yet begun". It's true, I guess. I am only 20 and supposedly that earns me at least 8-10 more years of sheer stupidity before I finally wake up and realize it.   I was thinking this morning, while I was working, about my friend. The friend, who unquestionably has seen her life take a dramatic change by one little action.   Made me wonder, there was a time that me and her were seemingly destined for something beyond friendship and it was apparently impossible to not see, according to everyone else.     Obviously, that world isn't going to happen now. (Child or no child).   Here is the thing that is crushing me at this moment, why don't I care? She was my best friend and her world is changing now and I can't find it in me, to feel anything. Not even, sympathy.   The thing that is on my mind constantly...Is missing that one girl. My best friend, the one who rescued me from drowning in my pool of misery last summer and gave me new blood.   I miss her...intensely. We never had that straight-forward 'break-up'. It's hard to say if we were ever your classic boyfriend/girlfriend but it was something magical in its own right. She's off hours away from here. I saw her a couple weeks ago and despite one incredible night...it just reminded us that we're not together.   I know I'm out most people's league. I'm fairly average, at best. I don't posess anything that is seemingly desirable for a girl, much less this incredible blond beauty who completely lives up to the cliche of "shines her light on you". My last two girlfriends (her and my most recent ex) were completely incredible and I probably set the bar freaking high now. Of course, one cheated on me. The other, had to leave me.   Maybe that is poetic justice, get the right girl but that girl will be gone before I am ready. I wonder if me and my best friend/lover didn't have this distance between us...would we be still special or does the distance enhance this perfect feeling that she gives me.   I wonder, if my ex did us a favor first...because I know I would have made her cry instead and I'd rather cry a river before I ever let a tear shed down her cheeks.   Another close friend of mine, told me "You are too busy solving our problems for you to even realize, the only question is you"   The scary thing is? The goddamn asshole is right. The only thing I cant answer is myself.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Livin' The Blues

The Path I Chose, I had to Follow If there is no road, there is no tommorow Hold On, Hold On for as you long as you can see It doesn't matter, nothing matters for it's only make-believe now...   I can't even begin to explain how much I regret the decisions I made throughout my life and that's expected. You can't show me one person who did everything right from the start. I do, however feel like I am way behind where I should be. I'm 20 years old and I lost almost 1 and 1/2 years on my life by waiting until I went to college and once I got here, I haven't really gotten anywhere. I still feel stuck as the same 18 year old I was, the day I grabbed that diploma from Dr. Carter (my HS principal, who I hear is dying of cancer...which is a shame. He was one of the very few good ones).   I see my friends, already changing things. Some for the best and some for the worse, but change nontheless. I can't change, beyond my haircut. Fuck, I even have the same fucking wardrobe as I did 2 years ago.   Every time, I think I got the urge to get the fuck up...something always comes to me and brings it back down and I can't remember how things got to be this way.   It used to seem that there was always something to make you happy and get you through the days...I had a really, really good month in January. It's always been a running theme in my life...I start the years off in a incredible fashion and it derails sometime around labor day into a complete mess.   Then, somehow it fixes itself up and disappears and I get another brief glimpse at the concept of happiness...   Oh, the girl from the other day? She's giving us another creature into this world.   Lesson: Don't have drunk sex.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

The frayed remains...

The frayed remains of a lost friendship   Last night, I was doing more of the usual (tsm’ing, watching AI and doing some school-work). I got a phone call around 9:30 from my old friend, Natalie. Let me explain this girl to you, she’s the ultimate attention needing, steal all the spotlight person. She’s incredibly beautiful as well, which only fuels her selfish and vain propensity.   We became friends, I believe my senior year. She was a junior, and we met through normal circumstances. I was a part of the speech team at school (pretty good at it as well). I had been asked to go to the monthly drama club meeting and infiltrate and recruit. I did a good job and that was how I met her. For 3 years, we were pretty good friends. Best friends, at times. Then she finally graduated high school and promptly moved away to Ohio University. It was over last summer; while we weren’t really talking to each other that I became very close friends with her former best friend (imagine the usual teen-age drama bullshit and that is your explanation for their hatred towards each other).   So, she finally finds out about my relationship with that girl and this greatly pisses her off. I argued that, “why do you care? You left the last 3 months and left me standing here in the doorway, crying” (in regards to my break-up, which I described in an early entry) and that the other girl was actually there for support and that I consider her not just my lover(not at this moment) but my best friend. So, Natalie decides to call me a traitor. Which was hilarious, to say the least when she actually celebrated that my girlfriend had cheated on me (she has always hated my gf’s because I would give them my attention and not her).   Anyways, we drifted away from each other. Reduced to aim convo once every three weeks and I was hardly missing her.   On Sunday morning she imed me and told me that she got drunk and her friend fucked her and now she thinks she’s pregnant.   Let me, point out the irony here. Through the course of our friendship, she constantly praised the importance of abstinence and often condemned me for having sexual relationships. So, for her to piss that away because she got drunk was fittingly perfect.   Anyways, I had other stuff to worry about (things I can’t even begin to explain to a bunch of relatively speaking, strangers). I told her “don’t panic, you probably aren’t pregnant”. So last night, she im’s me again bitching about how she thinks she’s pregnant and I go “There’s nothing I can do about it. You did it, that’s why you shouldn’t have sex if you aren’t mature enough to handle the potential consequences”.   She went off on a long rant about how I’m a jerk and how I’m selfish and stuff like this. I explained to her, what was going on with my life and how monumental it is (it involves a family member) and she straight out said “I don’t give a fuck about that. You have any idea how big this thing is here? Do you?”.   I responded “you are insane” and she goes on another rant about how she hates me and that I haven’t been there for her. Funny, I seem to recall her leaving right away without even a goodbye.   The point of this is…   Where the fuck did my friends go? I never had a huge group of friends but I had my own little circle and we were really close. 2 years removed from HS and I probably only keep in real good touch with one person. I keep in better touch with my ex’s, even the one who betrayed me then I do with my actual “friends”. I always heard from my parents that you won’t always be friends with them, but I figured it’d last at least through college. It’s just another depressing aspect of growing up, I suppose.  

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

After Mania...

I'm pissed.   I was so sure I would write some scathing review about tonights PPV.   That won't happen, because it delivered to an extent.   I'll post my original predictions before writing up my reaction to the show...     TBS/Kane Vs Carlito/Masters Winner: Carlito and Masters (DQ) Time: 5:30 Rating: *1/4   Actual result Winner: Kane and TBS Time: 6:00 Rating: *1/4   Thoughts -A pretty short squash match. I was expecting them to extend this feud out another month for Backlash but they went ahead and had the champs squash the challengers with ease. I'm not sure if it was the best choice for opener but the crowd was feeling it and Carlito, is bound for a face turn sooner or later.     Money in the Bank Winner: Flair Time: 18:00 Rating:***3/4   Actual result Winner: RVD Time: 12:00 Rating:***1/4   Thoughts -This was your basic spotfest ladder match. It hardly had anything memorable that'll be spotlighted for years to come, but the crowd was all for RVD and RVD showed up. Shelton avoid the botchy jitters for the big stage and probably was the highlight reel, once again with his springboard onto the ladder being the most memorable. I was expecting Flair to win, only because of the promo he cut last week. RVD, was the only other legitimate choice and probably, the right choice.   Batista's brief cameo interupting Orton's promo looked to set up Orton/Batista, where Orton will probably be the champion by the time Batista returns this summer.   Chris Benoit Vs JBL Winner: JBL Time: 13:50 Rating: ***3/4   Actual result Winner: JBL Time: 9:00 Rating:**1/2   Thoughts -Incredibly rushed as this match needed another 5-8 minutes. I was expecting this to steal the show and it didn't. It was a passable Smackdown or lower-tier ppv match, but not WM. I was disapointed to see JBL resort to mocking Eddie for cheap heat. The good news is that JBL is carrying the title, he should have held all along.   Hard-Core Match: Edge Vs Mick Foley Winner: Edge Time: 13:00 Rating:**3/4   Actual result Winner: Edge Time: 15:00 Rating:***3/4   Thoughts -I was expecting a paint by number effort by Foley and I was wrong to underestimate him again. I still think the build for this match was horrid but they delivered on this match. Foley using the wrap-around barb-wire was a nice touch as they incorporated the usual (tacks, stairs, barbie) but the match was still stiff but not contrived. Lita, looked really good and I enjoyed her efforts tonight as the barbed wire socko was gusty to take and the bleeding from the mouth was a good visual. Foley, did a excellent blade job as he looked like Two-Face Harvey with the crimson mask convering only the left side of his face. Expected finish but it was hardly an unimpressive sight. Foley, delivered his best WM performance and is something to be proud of. Now stay home, Foley and just blog.   The T's segment in the hall was gold, I really can't add anything else to that statement. Booker and Sharmell are a very consistant comedy duo and they deserve better then what came after this, we also need more Booker/Goldust reunions. It's also great to see Dibiase getting air time again.   Boogeyman Vs The T's Winner: Boogeyman Time: 3:45 Rating:*1/4   Actual result Winner: Boogeyman Time: 5:00 Rating: DUD   Thoughts -Booker T deserved better, although I'm glad he gets a WM paycheck. This was expectedly bad and probably worse then bad. One of the worse Mania matches ever. Thankfully, Boogeyman is injured and likely isn't working matches for a bit of time.   Trish Stratus Vs Mickie James Winner: Mickie James Time: 8:20 Rating:**1/4   Actual result Winner: Mickie James Time: 9:00 Rating:***3/4   Thoughts -No, seriously. This was an excellent match that completely went beyond my expecations. Easily, the best woman's match in WWE in years. The heat was incredible for a woman's match and Mickie completely shined in the spotlight. Maybe the high rating was because the woman's stuff is rarely ever that good, but this match was. Maybe it'll drop in a year from now but right now it was the most memorable match. The finish is being talked about alot and people are focusing too much on the botch. Mickie, covered up pretty well and played it off with the skill and intelligence of a seasoned veteran. The most talked about part of the match, was easily the "Camel Toe Clutch", that was something new for a woman's match and it really, really fit with Mickie's character. The pose, after that spot was tremendous as well as Mickie's expression   The McMahon family prayer, comical if only for Stephanie's attempts to stifle her laughter.   Undertaker Vs Mark Henry Winner: Undertaker Time: 10:25 Rating:*3/4   Actual result Winner: Undertaker Time: 9:00 Rating:*3/4   Thoughts -Essentially, the match I was expecting. It wasn't a total stinker but it wasn't good either. Taker busting out the plancha, is always a good sight to see. Hopefully, Taker gets his first (and final) WM classic, next year.   Vince McMahon Vs HBK Winner: HBK Time: 20:30 Rating:***   Actual results Winner: HBK Time: 18:00 Rating: ***1/4   Thoughts -Fairly good SE match, as Shawn completely dominated Vince. The SS run-in was great if only for Doane's bumping. Shane, was useful in his comical selling. The story they told, was excellent (although it was completely ignored by the commentators).     Rey Mysterio Vs Kurt Angle Vs Randy Orton Winner: Rey Mysterio Time: 17:30 Rating:***1/2   Actual result Winner: Mysterio Time: 9:00 Rating: ***   Thoughts -Criminally short. This match had another 10 minutes in it and the rapid-fire finish didn't help. The crowd completely turned against Rey, and some are angry about that. Look, Rey had been booked as a joke and the constant Eddie exploitation was irritating. A backlash, had to be expected.   Torrie Vs Candice Winner: Candice Time: Too long Rating:DUD   Actual results Winner: Torrie Time: 4:00 Rating: DUD   Thoughts -Who gives a shit   Triple H Vs John Cena Winner: Triple H Time: 24:45 Rating:**1/4   Actual results Winner: John Cena Time: 21:00 Rating: **1/2   Thoughts -I've covered the entrances enough in the WM thread. They were both embarassingly bad. At least, It was nice to see CM Punk appear at WM in his home-town. The crowd heat against Cena, was nuclear to say the least. Triple H, had a big grin inside him as the crowd was completely behind him. The match, probably wasn't really that bad and might look better on later viewing but you can't deny the crowd just really sucked you out of the match and forced you to focus on the surreal aspect of a crowd 100% behind Triple H.   This was a no-win situation as neither men aren't what they need on top right now.   Over-all, the show was very solid but not a classic WM but it gave a couple very good matches, a good comedy segment and nothing atrociously bad aside from what was already expected.                

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

 

Before Mania...

I thought about writing out some long rant against WM22 tonight, describing my apathy towards it...   Then I realized... I spent the last few weeks already displaying that sentiment. What else could I really add? I don't think it'll be a horrible show, I really don't. It won't be special though. It could have **** matches out the ass and It still wouldn't feel special because I haven't been given a reason to give a shit other then "It's fucking Mania".       I'll give quick predictions on each match   Triple H Vs John Cena Winner: Triple H Time: 24:45 Rating:**1/4   Rey Mysterio Vs Kurt Angle Vs Randy Orton Winner: Rey Mysterio Time: 17:30 Rating:***1/2   Hard-Core Match: Edge Vs Mick Foley Winner: Edge Time: 13:00 Rating:**3/4   Vince McMahon Vs HBK Winner: HBK Time: 20:30 Rating:***   Money in the Bank Winner: Flair Time: 18:00 Rating:***3/4   Trish Stratus Vs Mickie James Winner: Mickie James Time: 8:20 Rating:**1/4   Chris Benoit Vs JBL Winner: JBL Time: 13:50 Rating: ***3/4   TBS/Kane Vs Carlito/Masters Winner: Carlito and Masters (DQ) Time: 5:30 Rating: *1/4   Torrie Vs Candice Winner: Candice Time: Too long Rating:DUD   Boogeyman Vs The T's Winner: Boogeyman Time: 3:45 Rating:*1/4   Undertaker Vs Mark Henry Winner: Undertaker Time: 10:25 Rating:*3/4     They probably throw Mexi-Cools Vs MnM on the pre-show.   I'll have complete response to the show, probably tommorow morning.

Hawk 34

Hawk 34

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