Dr. Tom

I just turned 30 in February, so I'm definitely one of the elder statesmen of this place. I'm pretty sure my decrepit status also makes me the oldest person on the staff. Originally from Baltimore, and I still reside in MD.

I have two, one on each upper arm/shoulder. On my left arm is a picture of a wolf's head, with a skeletal hand dripping blood. I got it at 19, mainly because it looked cool. It still does, but it could use a touchup after 11 years. A year after I got that one, I got a yin/yang tattoo on my right shoulder, with the yin underwater and the yang in flames.

Orioles, excluding players from the St. Louis Browns: C: Rick Dempsey 1B: ED-DIE~! Murray 2B: Roberto Alomar SS: Cal. Duh. 3B: Brooks Robinson. LF: Frank Robinson CF: Paul Blair RF: Brady Anderson DH: Rafael Palmeiro Bench: Boog Powell, Elrod Hendricks, Billy Ripken, Mike Devereaux, John Lowenstein Lineup: Anderson Alomar Palmeiro Murray F. Robinson Ripken B. Robinson Dempsey Blair (9th to have some speed in front of Anderson and Alomar) Rotation: Jim Palmer Mike Mussina Mike Cuellar Dave McNally Pat Dobson Bullpen: Scott McGregor Mike Flanagan Dave Schmidt Gregg Olson Tippy Martinez Randy Myers (closer)

The market wouldn't support that for long if it happened, though. Scrubs getting a lot of money would mean stars would ask for bigger and bigger deals, and they wouldn't be there. Besides, baseball owners seem to have come back to earth with regard to salaries in the past few years. I wouldn't set the floor too high, but I think it needs to be there so that jackass owners don't spend $8.49 putting a team on the field, then pocket the millions in revenue sharing. That's why market size would be considered, also. I want attendance in there to force teams to be creative and aggressively try to market themselves and get the fans to come see them. It's easy to sit back and wait for someone to hand you a check, but baseball should offer the most help to those who are willing to help themselves. I can see that. Personally, I just don't like it. I like the fact that the AL and NL have intrinsic differences, and the only time they should meet in a game that means something is at the World Series. BTW, Al, if you need a collaborator or contributor for some stat geek analysis work, look a brotha up. Definitely. And I think the players would be mindful of the time limits if the penalties were enforced. Pitchers would be less likely to stroll around on the mound if they're looking at a ball or balk called in key situations. What if the umpire counts fast? What if he started his stopwatch a second before the pitcher thought he did? It's a risk that usually couldn't be afforded. Ditto for hitters, though I definitely think they get time-outs way too much. So do baserunners, for that matter. Once a month is fine. The interval's not really the issue with me; I just want there to BE a definitive policy, and one that has some real teeth to it if someone decides to stray from the path. You can, but I don't think you should have to. If a guy is going to miss 6-7 days, you either have to DL him for twice that time, or carry an unusable player for a week. Why not have a third option? I don't think I really mucked with the strike zone. Most teams' letters (the accepted upper level of the strike zone) are around the bottom of the chest, so that's no big switch. I just want to see all umpires call the same strike zone. There shouldn't be "hitters' umpires" and "pitchers' umpires." Barry Bonds shouldn't get the benefit of the doubt in the form of a ball called on a borderline pitch, nor should Roger Clemens get the benefit of the doubt as a strike. If it's a strike, call it a strike. If it's a ball, call it a ball. If anyone bitches, toss them out of the game. I'm not getting into this one again. We're just going to have to agree to disagree on it. BTW, A-Rod shouldn't have been the MVP. For past loyalties and friendships. The commissioner should be a neutral party with respect to individual owners, and have only the best interests of baseball in mind. Eliminating past owners also eliminates pre-existing biases. No. No turf, no exceptions. It's a travesty painted green. Figure out how to grow natural grass in your ballpark or move to a city that's more conducive to it. I'm tired of too-fast groundballs getting thru for hits, stupidly big bounces making a mockery of good fielding fundamentals, and needless injuries resulting from running on goddamn concrete. Grass it is, and that's that. Sure, some padding is fine. But the Barry Bonds and Mo Vaughn models of body armor that some hitters are wearing shouldn't be allowed. Put a pad on your bloody elbow if that you're that worried about it getting hit. Either that, or don't stick it over the plate on every pitch. Al, I can't tell you how many times I saw Chuck Knoblauch get hit on his elbow when it was sticking out over the plate. There were a bunch of times I saw him extend his arm a little farther, just so he'd get hit. Only once did I see him not get awarded first base, when the home plate umpire ruled he'd made no effort to get out of the way of the ball. I think I stood up and cheered. I despised Knoblauch for doing that; to me, it seems like cheating. Keep your entire body in the batter's box or suffer the consequences. I just want to pour salt in his wounds because I hate him that much.

This is another reason I wouldn't go near Beurhle (sp?) in our Roto draft. Heck, his arm's probably already been abused, looking at the number of innings he's logged at his young age. Now Ozzie Guillen is just going to pile on. The poor kid's arm is going to fall off either this year or next.

How can anyone not say Weird Al is a brilliant, accomplished musician? I think people look past him because he writes song parodies, but he's come up with some very funny and witty songs over the years. Add to this the fact that he writes and performs in many very different musical styles. Just because he writes funny songs doesn't mean he's not a tremendous musician.

I'm firmly on the side of "I couldn't care less," as I'm sure some of you might recall. "I could care less." Spiffy. So why don't you, and in the meantime, feel free not to inform me of it. I see what you're saying, IDRM, but a lot of that relies on the vocal inflections and other giveaways of sarcasm, which don't come across online. The others seem to be matters of context: "... I could care less, if someone else were speaking... " In situations like that, you obviously want to say you could care less, because you don't. But if you simply don't give two pins about something, I maintain that "I couldn't care less" is the way to say it. If "I could care less" somehow becomes the official form of this little phrase, then my armies march at dawn. A lot of language-related things bug me, but one of the huge ones is fucking nitwits who say "could of," "would of," and "should of." No, you imbecile, it's "could have," "would have," and "should have." Yes, they're contracted into "could've," etc, which is spoken like it might be "could of," but how much of a chumpstain do you have to be not to learn how to form a fucking contraction in elementary school?

I'd just like to say that I'm not friends with anyone who has been banned from this board. Pro-choice for me, btw.

No one's given up on anything. Considering the drama that resulted from the last effort to clean up the folder, we've decided to back off on being hardcore about it and see what's happening. I think the forum mods we have in place there are doing a good job. Just because Loss isn't as visible as he used to be there doesn't mean no one cares.

As for reopening registrations, I'd like to purge inactive member accounts before we do that. That way, we've gotten rid of old accounts PBPs may have registered and forgotten about. Considering the big fuckup that happened the last time we did a member purge, I'm going to make sure that backups are done and everything goes smoothly this time. Once that's done, then we can open the door again. But if we get a bunch of fucking tards and trolls, I'm slamming it shut on them.

No sarcasm at all. I am not voting for George Bush in November. I'm also not voting for John Kerry, so no one needs to think I've gone completely off the deep end. Often, I do. I'm big on the War on Terror, and I know the economy is recovering. BUt I'm tired of politicians cramming religious agendas down everyone's throat. I don't begrudge anyone their religion until they get in my face and preach. The religious right's morals are not everyone's morals. I don't believe we need to assault popular culture because some washed-up singer from a fucked-up family flashed a mostly-bare boob on TV. It's not that I value teh pr0n that highly. It's just that I'm tired of the assault on culture. People should be free to make, distribute, and watch porn if they want to. Howard Stern shouldn't have Michael Powell and other FCC lapdogs breathing down his neck. In short, we don't need to become a Puritan society just because the President and Attorney General are Jesus freaks (the latter to a totally ridiculous degree) who have decided to paint popular culture with their moral brush. Maybe he does. The result is the same either way: he's advancing an agenda they support, and dragging around dead weight at AG so as not to piss them off. Don't we have more important things to worry about than some titties on HBO, Mr. Ashcroft. I was really hoping he'd die when he was hospitalized, but 'twas not to be. I vote Republican because I disagree with most Democrats on basic philosophical grounds. I can't vote Republican in good conscience this time, though. Either I'll find a third-party candidate, or I'll cast a write-in vote for Mickey Mouse.

Child molestor. It took that long for the painfully obvious Michael Jackson joke to surface? I'm disappointed. UYI Actually, it was because you said "bare" instead of "bear."

What other reasons? The FCC clamping down on anything that's not a 1950's sitcom. I know Bush isn't in charge of the FCC, but he put Michael Powell (who I'm sure had a rigorous job interview...) in that spot. The pandering to the religious right and generally adopting a religion-driven agenda. The recent bill he signed protecting the "rights" of unborn children. I see this as the first step to making abortion illegal, which is something I would strongly disagree with. Basically, I think Bush is a Jesus Freak, and I wish he and his fellow Bible thumpers would stop trying to force their fucking beliefs on everyone. Tolerance means that you put up with other belief systems, not that you legislate yours across the board.

It's not for his success or failure as a commissioner, but his callous dislike of Baltimore. I was hoping Art Modell would have flipped him off, punched him in the fact, and spat on him when taking the Lombardi Trophy from him. I would. But that's because I think Pete Rose is a condom his father should have worn. Remember, this is what I would do as the commish of the sport, and if I were the commish of baseball, I'd totally issue that decree. If he sued, I'd write him a check from all the steroid fines I'd be collecting. Sure I did. Attractive ones in lingerie. Ugly ones wear whatever they'd normally wear. Actually, I meant build some right turns into the tracks. It's a bunch of cars driving in a circle, and unless someone wrecks, it's barely preferable to watching flies fuck. Ah, BUT! If the game is tied, then a big fucking fight decides the outcome. That's worth sticking around for.

This thread makes baby Jesus cry. WHAT? Someone had to say it...

Child molestor.

The important part is that it was Batman's plan, and he could have very easily carried it out if he ever needed to.

It's economics that dictates ballplayers make more money than doctors, surgeons, and the President. People will pay any amount of money to be entertained, and advertisers will pay to be associated with something entertaining. These factors allow athletes to earn a lot of money. It's a sign of societal priorities and the free market.

Rounders = BANNED~! One more reason to think Ashcroft is a condom his father should have worn, and one more reason not to vote for Bush in November.

I was serious about all of them. It's not that I want to see it; it's that I don't think it should be discouraged. Football is a lot about momentum and emotion, so let a body celebrate if he scores a TD. The fans seem to like it, too, and the NFL doesn't need to be known as the "No Fun League," a label they're sensitive about. Because cokeheads, crackheads, and heroin fiends tend to do great harm to themselves and others. Potheads don't. If you don't want your players OD'ing and dropping dead, then you have to ban things that might kill them. Dead players are bad for business, after all, and the game suffers a huge blackmark if a couple cokeheads die during the season. Use a zamboni, then. I never said one wouldn't be used. Shrug.

Stop hating, CWM. It's easy for a deaf guy from a racing family who doesn't need to work to listen to music, experiment with teh gay secks, lie naked with his lesbian cousin, and find a hot wife who blows him every night...

"Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones." -- Psalms 137:9 Well, it IS in the Bible. It doesn't change the fact that this woman should be executed for what she did. Of course, the whole thing could have been stopped had her husband done what he should have done and shot her in the face for murdering his children.

Heh, I remember that issue. Joe Carter and Cory Snyder were on the cover, IIRC.

Football: 1. Celebrations are allowed and encouraged if the play resulted in a touchdown, turnover, or big gain. Anyone who runs around the field, gyrates, and points at himself after making a routine tackle will be ejected and fined $50,000 per offense. Get the fuck back to the huddle, you showboating jackass. 2. Paul Tagliabue will be executed and dumped in the Baltimore Harbor. (actually, this should be #1.) 3. The "leaping" rule is scrapped. 4. Officials get paid and trained like they have a full-time job. 5. If you win the toss in OT, you get the ball on the 25-yard line. 6. All artificial turf fields will be replaced with grass. If you think football was meant to be played on thinly-padded concrete, then go fuck off somewhere. 7. Any helmet-to-helmet hit will result in ejection from the game and a $100,000 fine. If you injure someone and cause them to miss time as the result of a helmet-to-helmet hit, then you get suspended for as long as that player is out, plus one game, and the fine is $100,000 per suspended game. 8. If a coach wins a replay challenge, he retains that challenge. Why penalize someone for being right? 9. A 25% discount toward the salary cap for a team retaining its own players when they're free agents. Baseball: 1. Salary floor. No salary cap. 2. Full revenue sharing based on market size and attendance. If you can't get people to show up and watch your team, then you don't deserve as much revenue-sharing money as someone who can. 3. Eliminate interleague play. 4. Speed up the game. Enforce the time limit between pitches. If a pitcher is going slow, call a ball; make it a balk with runners on base. If it's the hitter's fault, call a strike. If that was strike three, hurry your ass up next time. 5. An actual drug testing policy will be instituted. I couldn't give a shit less if a baseball player is smoking pot, but harder drugs and performance-enhancing drugs will be flagged. The first offense will carry a fine equal to 5% of the player's annual salary. The second offense is a month off without pay, a 10%-of-salary fine, and mandatory rehab. The third offense is a ban without pay for one calendar year, mandatory rehab, and the player must apply for reinstatement. 6. A seven-day DL, retroactive to a max of two days. 7. The strike zone will be from the knees to the bottom of the chest. Umpires who have trouble calling this strike zone will be fined until they get it right. 8. Create an award for Player of the Year in each league. This will be separate from the MVP, and simply go to the player who had the most impressive statistical season. The MVP Award will have its rules changed so that the player has to come from a team with a winning record. 9. The commissioner cannot be a current or past owner of any MLB team. 10. No more astroturf. If you have a dome, fix it so you can grow grass in it. 11. No more body armor for batters. 12. Any batter who has any part of his body on or over the plate before the pitch is delivered will be called out. 13. Pete Rose will be permanently banned from baseball. An official decree will be issued, call him a "cocksucker," a "lying, worthless piece of shit," and a "waste of sperm and egg." Hockey: 1. No more instigator penalty. 2. The red line will be kept for decoration only; no more two-line pass offside. 3. No-touch icing. 4. No more "overtime loss." If you lost, then you lost, and you get no points in the standings for it. In fact, there will be no more ties; see below. 5. Any team with a winning percentage below .500 will be ineligible for the playoffs. 6. Reduce the size of goalie pads. 7. Call penalties for obstruction, interference, holding, etc. Any player who takes a dive to try and get a call is rewarded with a 10-minute misconduct. 8. The overtime period will be 10 minutes. If the game is still tied at the end of that period, then the starting five skaters for each team beat the shit out of each other for the win. The team with the most men standing after 90 seconds wins the game. 9. Mandatory visors for everyone. Basketball: 1. Use the international three-point line. 2. Traveling will actually be called. Sorry, six steps on a dunk will be a turnover. Women's Tennis: 1. All attractive players will play in Victoria's Secret lingerie. No one watches women's tennis for the actual game. 2. All other women's "professional" sports will disband, since no one gives a shit about them. NASCAR: 1. Turn right for a fucking change, you goddamn rednecks.

I decree the pancake bunny to be the new official animal of the USA!