The Czech Republic

No, AWA with the pink room is rock bottom.

If the Americans WON, it wouldn't even be on the front page of the sports section, and would get maybe 2 minutes on Sportscenter. I mean, PRE-SEASON football got more attention then the World Cup does.

Oh yeah. Duh. Patterson in left, Beltran in center, Sosa in right (for now), looks like a fine outfield to me.

"I'll have the cream of Sum Yun Gai."

Well Alou has been sucking it up on the field, the Steve Stone feud, and for that matter, the fued, since we're on the Internet, is just icing on the cake. Chip and Steve are doing a fine job. Alou is the problem. I'll be so happy if we get Beltran to play left field.

Well this season is officially a failure, and we, the Chicago Cubs fans, demand changes. Who do you guys think needs to head out of town? Moises Alou: "Hmm. My shoelace appears to have come undone. DUUUUSTY! STEVE STONE MADE MY SHOE UNTIED!!!!! TELL HIM TO STOP! MAKE HIM GO AWAY!" He also runs as effectively as this Windows operating system I'm using. Which is "not effectively." Add in the fact that Carlos Beltran is a free agent who has whooped Wrgley Field's ass, and this guy is not long for Chicago. Kyle Farnsworth: The shit really hit the fan this time. The guy is a microcosm of the Cubs: has a few good games, we get excited, he sucks it up, "wait 'til next year," lather rinse repeat. Maybe he's like "Wild Thing" Rick Vaughn and just needs some corrective lenses to control his heater. I don't know. But his time is up. Kent Mercker: He's become an older, lefty Farnsworth as of late, and isn't all that good. Drop him. Sammy Sosa: With Lee and Ramirez around, and with any luck, Beltran and Nomar next year, there's plenty of offense to go around, and Sammy just isn't needed anymore. I don't need to go into depth on Sosa. The numbers tell the story, and a sad story it is. I think we've got him for one more year though, so we might as well have him ride the last year out, or trade him for some younger players who can hit will and play the outfield. Baldelli? I dunno. Dusty Baker: Yeah. I said it. I don't think Dusty's managing style of coddling the players and overworking the pitchers worked too well. Don't believe me? Check the record. This is leading to such nonsense as taking all frustration out on Chip and Steve, no real sense of discipline for the players, and worst of all, Mark Prior appears to be ruined. Who would have guessed last year that we'd be saying, "Shit, Prior's starting"? Nobody! The guy had an amazing year but Baker turned his arm into spaghetti and his heel into Jell-O. I almost put Prior on this list, but I felt bad about taking a guy who still has promise and throwing him on the trash heap. But anyway, Lovable Dusty needs to be replaced with a manager who is IN CONTROL. Not somebody who answers to the players' every whim. Not somebody who goes to bat for his players over a stupid conflict with the announcers. I want a manager where I know what he says, goes, no questions asked. Give me a fucking dictator to run this team. The hitting coach: I swear, you'd think the bat weighs 60 pounds from the way Grudzielanek and some other guys swing it. They practically spin around in a circle when they swing and subsequently miss. It's kind of funny to watch until you realize that the pitch was practically in another galaxy, then you're like "what the fuck just happened?" Medical Staff Or Whatever: Whoever does the press releases for their work must have a bright future in Washington with all their lying. "(Player) is fine. He should miss a start but be back the next day, 100%." "(Player) might just need a couple days off to rest." "(Player) is going onto the 14-day DL, just to be on the safe side. But he's OK." "We're putting (Player) on the 40-day DL, because this might take a couple more days. But he's fine." "(Player) is out for the year." ----- So that's my list for now. Of course, here's what the Cubs cooked up for their list. Chip Caray: TALK ABOUT MR. NEGATIVE! Geez. We never liked you anyway and only hired you because of your grandpa. Now take your big eyebrows and bad attitude elsewhere. Steve Stone: We'll teach you to untie our Moises's shoelaces, we will!

You know what Anglesault, I bet you're pissed off at Kevin Brown for punching that wall and stuff, but right now I gotta "hand" it to the guy. He had a bad game and he took out his frustration on himself for screwing up, instead of going "Jooooooe! Charley Steiner is being MEAN to me!!!! Make him stop Joe, make him stop!"

You might as well say any two metal bands sound exactly the same. Stupid logic. It's easier to confuse two random metal bands than Dashboard Confessional and The Smiths. Geez. I'd say The Smiths are closer to REM by way of their jangle-ness than they are to Dashboard.

Is it just me or does Lleyton Hewitt kinda look like a bird,especially when he's fiddling with his racquet?

He double-crossed Cecil like what, three times?

I just opened my mouth, and out it came.

Why replace Moises Alou with Carlos Beltran? Clearly it's Chip and Steve that are getting caught in rundowns.

Sad thing is the Cubs will probably be motivated by Reynold's comments. These Cubs wouldn't be motivated by a red-hot poker up the ass. Seriously, threaten them all with burning leaden sodomy if they lose, and Moises Alou would get caught in a rundown every time he gets on base, swear at an umpire for calling him out, and get tossed so he could go to the clubhouse, turn on WGN, and bitch that Steve Stone said that might've been a dumb play.

But you and I both know there is no film in this camera.

Just once before they get rid of Eugene, William Regal has to chase Eugene and some Divas around in fast motion with the Benny Hill music playing.

You know that scene in The Godfather Part III when the guy kills Michael's daughter and he realizes all the damage that the Mafia has done to his life over the last 35+ years, and displays it by making one big sustained wail that sums up all his anger, despair, hopelessness and frustration? Yeah that's me after seeing these shirts.

Oh come on guys, you must know Saliva! They did that Click Click Boom song! Guys?

The evil part of me wants Tim Henman to win the U.S. Open, or the French Open, but never Wimbledon. Aw crap, I missed the rain delay of the year? I love when the U.S. Open gets rained out, because that's when they show Connors-Krickstein '91.

Two Tuff Toddy, I want to know what you did to the Upright Man. Yeah go all out on Zappa or Pink Floyd

Puzzling. I get it, he can't handle more than one Smith

I don't know how to rationally explain it beyond "the difference is that Morrissey and Johnny Marr don't fucking suck."

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He stole the Seoul from South Korea.

Alice Cooper's performance is golden in this film. "Actually, the French explorers had been coming here since the late 1600s to trade with the natives." "Isn't Milwaukee an Indian word?" "As a matter of fact it is. Milwaukee is Algonquin for 'the good land.' I find it interesting that Milwaukee is the only major American city to have elected three Socialist mayors."

It's like a new pair of underwear. At first, it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you...