kkktookmybabyaway

You're talking about Catholics -- too late.

6:45 p.m. • So Jim Rome’s ESPN show and Around the Horn got all PC (as usual) by everyone going hooray for Illinois getting rid of the Indian mascot. Jesus Christ, get over yourselves. Don’t equate this with the white man wiping out the tribe of Chief I-Was-Stupid-For-Letting-Those-Crackers-Off-The-Boat. I feel NO sympathy for the hippie Indians. They had the home field advantage and blew it. My people came over, they saw, they kicked ass. Now I’m supposed to feel sorry? Fuck that. Yeah, whitey is a fucked up people, but it’s not like the Indians were these heavenly pacifists: they could tear shit up when they wanted. And besides, with the recent winter freeze I went through, there’s no way I want to live in a wigwam. • I’ve been hearing for a few weeks that the Bears head coach Lovie Smith is one of the lowest paid NFL head coaches in the league, if not the lowest-paid. Must be RACISM! Or it might be that he’s employed by a bunch of Jews. Here’s how I see it: Lovie, you seem to be doing the right thing. Just keep your mouth shut and coach. Take the million-and-change and win another divisional title. Then when your contract ends go out there and get paid like a mo’ fo’. You’re a coach, not a player. You don’t have to worry about tearing an ACL on the field. You have a good team in a shitty division. Build up your worth and laugh in the face of Bears’ management when they try to low-ball you with no leverage at this time next year. I’ve heard from media reports that you like it in Chicago. If that’s the case, then you’ll have to live with the fact that you work for a bunch of tightwads. Believe me, I feel your pain. Well, maybe not so much since I don’t make seven figures, but I’m not here to do the class envy thing. You’re worth more than what you’re getting paid. You have to decide if getting shafted in the pocketbook is worth staying. For me it wouldn’t be, but you know much more about your situation than I do. • So yesterday was Ash Wednesday, and even though I’m a confirmed Lutheran I still have to do the no-meat shit since the better half is as Catholic as youth sodomy. Of course, while beginning my meatless meal, she yells because I’m having double-noodle soup. Her: “What’s that?” Me: “Double Noodle Soup. You know, the kind you don’t eat anymore and I have to finish off.” Her: “OMG IT HAS CHICKEN IN IT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Me: “It says ‘double noodle.” Her: “IT HAS CHICKEN BROTH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Me: “Well then I guess I’m going to hell.” Chicken broth? You have to fill an empty Campbell’s can up with water to cook this shit. Even sausage factories allow a certain amount of rat poop into their product. I’m sure God has some quality-control exemptions. If not, then oh well. I’m actually hoping that I get past the Pearly Gates thanks to some package deal I’m hoping Mrs. kkk gets for all the religious shit she does. 1 p.m. • I don't know why I thought of this just now, but those mobile phone ads featuring Dwyane Wade and Charles Barkley make me laugh, especially the one where the blonde chick thinks Chuck is Wade's dad. 8:30 a.m. • Uh-oh. O.J. Simpson has to give up some of his loot to the Goldman family. I hope this doesn't make him mad enough to kill. Allegedly, of course.

8:15 a.m. • So I went into the Sports folder and read something that shook me to my very core. TOM BRADY HAD SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE?! I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I thought he was saving himself for Mrs. Right, or better yet, me. Oh well, maybe he could start up a club with Matt Leinart or something. • Uh, OMG Culture of Corruption and all that shit.

I didn't comment on the actualy Supreme Court case because I'm tired of the "smoking made me sick and they knew so let's sue for $1,000,000,000,000" talk. If smokes are so bad for you (and they are) then just ban the damn things. Of course, we won't because they make too much money for the government. Then again, if they do get banned, government will just find other things to tax, and this time it might be something I like. So maybe we ought to keep Newports and Marlboros around.

OMG HE HAD SEX BEFORE GETTING MARRIED! What is this, the NBA? Oh, yeah...

Hang up a poster of some celeb chick in that bathroom to liven that room up even more. I should add that Mrs, kkk decided to paint when I was out of state for three days regarding work-related shit. I came home and saw a ladder, plastic and paint in my "office." I just shook my head, left it alone and laughed during the rest of that weekend whenever she started bitching about a number of things, from the shower bar holding the curtain not staying to the brown paint not being as dark as she had hoped.

I did. Until she found out. Her: Where are those towels Swift Terror and Mrs. Swift Terror got us for our wedding? Me: In the hamper. Her: WHY?! Me: I used them this morning. Her: WHY?! Me: Because they were hanging on a towel rack. Her: They are for DECORATION ONLY. Me: Is it too late to ask for an for annulment? Like I said before, I think she's wanted the shit brown look for a while; your towels were just the excuse. Oh, and she has other plans, too, for the house. God help me.

My one tries to drink from the toilet once in a while, but that's about it.

8 p.m. • I almost forgot. On the drive home from work today through pseudo-hippieville, I came across a bumper sticker that got a laugh out of me. "Frodo failed -- Bush got the Ring!" 7:30 p.m. • In response to the comments going on from yesterday’s entry, here’s some advice to SFAJack: Just accept it the blue towels. The sooner you do, the better off you'll be. Don’t try to figure out the female species. It ain’t worth it. Believe me, I know what you’re going through. My life is filled with similar eye-rolling moments. The trick is to be selective in what you want to piss her off with. Take this afternoon while we were driving to the grocery store. Remember that March 10 wedding we’re going to? Here’s what she said during our drive. Her: “It’s only one more week before we’re going to Ohio.” Me: “What are you talking about.“ Her: “Only one more Saturday to go.” Me: “Huh?” Her: “What.” Me: “We got more than two weeks to before the wedding.” Her: “No we don’t.” Me: “You’re insane.” Her: “Well, this week’s almost over…” Me: “IT’S TUESDAY!” Her: “Yes, and just one more week.” Me: “But that wedding is on the SATURDAY of the following week after your ‘one more week.’” Her: “Nevermind. You don’t understand.” Me: “You’re right. I don’t understand. There are EIGHTEEN DAYS BEFORE MARCH 10. How do you get one week from that?” Her: “I hate you. I really hate you.” Me: “Shut up ho.” 3 p.m. • Wow. There's a 5-4 ruling on the Supreme Court, but check out who sided where. 7:30 a.m. • Damn you George W. Bush. If these gas prices weren't so damn high, then maybe these people could afford their crack, thus not having to drive off, resulting in cutting the poor dealer in half. A dealer who was just trying to make ends meet in this economy. I wonder if you can sue a tax cut?

No it wouldn't. It's hard to make money, especially at the smaller ones. That's another reason, too. Here's my advice to you. 1) Watch DVDs at night with no lights on. 2) Sell a few more comic books, get a surround-sound system and crank it up. If you are in an apartment complex, disregard this line.

6:45 p.m. • Mike Awesome died? Well, that’s not awesome news. Wait, he hanged himself? Fuck him then. He was a realtor? Oh come on, there are worse things to be in life. I'm sure there are number of other "retired" wrestlers doing much worse. • So the better half and I got into a bit of a disagreement over Sunday’s shopping at the nearby “Bed Bath & Beyond.” No, we weren’t arguing about soap dishes or any of that other shit. Long story short: We’re going to Ohio for a wedding in March, and we decided to do the wedding registry shopping thing. Now I’m the first person to admit I’m an asshole and there are quite a few screws loose in my view of the world. However, even though I’m an asshole, I’m a loyal asshole. I wanted to get several mid-priced items that they could use, even if they moved away. Mrs. kkk wanted to get a big gift. I said we should go with my route for several reasons. The primary one was that, unlike the kkk household, this couple hasn’t lived in sin all that long, if at all. They would need more household items. Mrs. kkk then bitched about how they wouldn’t think we bought them much. I had to laugh and remind her that she make a fucking inventory of what everyone bought for us at our wedding. I think these two college graduates would take note that we purchased five items ranging in price from $15-25. When it was all said and done, we spent $110 on a cookbook holder thing, a cutting board thing, a spice rack, a shower curtain and an electric can opener. At least the spice rack was on sale. This of course brought back memories of my wedding gifts and how we got Jewed to the point I was considering changing my name to kkk-stein. Here’s a lesson, people. You may not like gift registries. I understand. You may not think the gifts you’d be getting won’t be personal. After all, a wedding registry is like an adult’s What-I-Want-From-Santa list. If that’s the case, then either give money or a gift card to a major department store. DON’T BUY SOMETHING A COUPLE DOESN’T NEED. Don’t think getting a “picnic set” complete with four plastic glasses and a pitcher that holds less water than its accompanying glasses is a good idea. Also, don’t be a goddamn Jew. Let me give a real-life example involving one of our TSM brethren. For my wedding, Swift Terror got us a towel set. You know, the big towels you dry yourself off with, the medium-sized ones I never use, and the little wash rags. That’s good. Want to know what’s bad? On of the better half’s relatives WHO JUST BOUGHT ONE FUCKING TOWEL. Although Swift Terror actually paid attention to our registry, I still need to kick his ass because those were the towels that prompted the better half to paint our first-floor bathroom from a perfectly acceptable light blue motif to one that’s shit brown. (If you look through the door's crack, you can see said towels.) And why did she decided to paint the WHOLE BATHROOM? So the walls would MATCH THE COLOR OF THOSE TOWELS that are for decoration only. Oh, and she wanted to have these stencils up. Now I don't personally blame Swift Terror for this defiling because I knew the better half wanted to do this. He just provided the ammo. After all, once you get a nice set of towels, you just HAVE to repaint a whole room before hanging them up, right? So take it from kkk. If you don’t want to buy a decent wedding gift, then don’t go to the wedding. And if you got me calling you a Jew, you know you got problems.

11:30 p.m. • I feel safer already. • Boy, we folks from the Keystone State are sure getting our tax money's worth. And Fast Eddie wants to raise them even more. Figures this took place in eastern PA -- this week's snowfall wasn't that bad here. The salt trucks did what they could, but it's not like you can go out and instanly melt away the snow and ice right as it's coming down from the sky. Then again, this whole clusterfuck was pretty damn funny. • DEVELOPING~!!! And why exactly am I supposed to care about this? • Damn, a $2.6 lottery payday only amounted to an $871,000 lump sum after taxes and all that stuff. I can't wait until these people claim bankruptcy. If I ever won the lottery, I don't know if I'd go with the lump sum or the spread-it-out-over-30-year thing. It would probably depend on how much I'd be getting back. If I won some uber-large jackpot -- you know, those $100+ million Powerballs, I'd probably go with the 30-year deal. Not only would I get more money, but also getting seven figures over multiple years would be a good way to avoid the "lottery curse." If the amount was smaller, say, $2.6 million, I don't know what I'd do -- I'd have to see the 30-year payout. If it's not much more than the $870k, I might have taken the lump sum as well. Then again, I don't play the lottery so it's all a moot point.

10:15 p.m. • Well, I just heard the news. My last living grandparent just passed away – grandma on the old man’s side. She was in her 90s, so it’s not like life cheated her out of anything; when it came to cashing Social Security checks, she definitely came out ahead. She raised six kids during the Depression; two of them who have died before her. The last time I saw her (Christmas Eve), she was bed-ridden and unable to talk, so it was only a matter of time. There are several variations of old people. You have the constantly miserable type, and then there are those who crack you up, no matter how wrong or off base they are. My grandma was definitely the latter. Growing up she would always speak her mind, usually resulting in family DRAMA, or hilarity. For example, my one half-brother lived at her old house in the attic and she HATED him. During on of the 1980s playoff games between the Browns and Broncos, my half-brother was going to take a bath and grandma said to him, “Get out of here you freeloading bastard.” This of course prompted my old man to get up and start screaming “CRAZY HOUSE! CRAZY HOUSE! WE LIVE IN A … CRAZY HOUSE!!! CRAZY HOUSE!!!” He then smacked the wall a few times, ran around the room and went into a nearby room. While most people might freak out upon witnessing this display of unadulterated rage, as a kid I found the whole thing funny as hell. Heck, I'm an adult and still laugh at this dysfunction. And grandma sure was a racist. I can’t count the number of times she referred to said half-brother’s longtime girlfriend as a “mixed breed.” Those were the days. She would also smack me with a fly swatter, but it was all out of love. She got moved into a home sometime in the early ‘90s, against her will, and stuck around ever since. I remember her bitching about this for years until she got too senile to remember where she was. At least she’ll have a legacy of what a brilliant “baby” grandson she helped nurture during his formative years and turned into the fine, upstanding gentleman he is today. Uh, on second thought… 9:30 p.m. • How about worrying about the Mexicans crossing your border before saying stupid shit like this? Christ, and I thought Richardson had half-a-brain after becoming governor of New Mexico. "Recent successes"? Yeah, it'll be a "success" until we catch them fiddling with nuke stuff ... again. 9:15 p.m. • The hell? Have I mentioned lately how much Whoria Alldread needs to die -- and die soon? • I'm not even going to bother posting parts of this retarded story. The headline says it all: Lying to Doctor Can Mean Health Risks Well no fucking shit. And this article is more than 900 words! Do we really need to be told how lying to your doctor might not be in your best interest. Hell, if you're going to fib about your health, then why are you at the doctor's office in the first place? Well, you could be trying to get drugs, but aside from that. • The U. of Ill. should name their next mascot "Chief Dickless." Wait, that's offense to Indians who had mishaps with a large piece of machinery. 7:30 p.m. • Well, that chick lost after not being able to rap a nursery rhyme. Ha. Next week's show has these crackas going to Detroit to do battle raps, or whatever the hell those kids did in that "8 Mile" movie. That might actually be worth watching. Then again, knowing one of these people is going to win a lot of money has me depressed. I've got Derelicts of Dialect on now. Weird. 4:15 p.m. • LOL -- so I just watched another episode of that White Rapper show, and it had the fat chick having to go to the emergency room after flopping at the THUG OBSTACLE COURSE. Oh she better not win this contest. Oh this is so awful.

Roth. For most of the reasons already mentioned.

Theaters ... lol. The last time I went to the theater for something I wanted to see was Star Wars III. I saw Narnia in the theater, but that's what Mrs. kkk wanted to do for her b-day, so that doesn't count.

8:15 p.m. • The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before. • Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard. I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death. • With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like: The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying... ...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players. 8:15 a.m. • Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother. Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.

Guess those Brits didn't count on "Alabama Man."

I remember this segment years ago. Oh what a glorious train wreck. "You need to have more parent/teacher conferences with your students."

• Well, no work for me today. Have I mentioned how much I hate broadcast news? On the NBC affiliate this morning they were giving you up-to-the-second updates on whether it was snowing outside or if there was freezing rain. "OMG IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...NOW IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...WABBIT SEASON!" • Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. Fuck that holiday. I'm doing nothing romantic -- why should this day be any different from the other 364 days of the year? She's getting Season 7 of Charmed and Anastasia DVDs. That ought to shut her up for a day or two. • And with all the school closings in my area, and probably elsewhere in the country, I want to let anyone who had their heart set on attending today's Congressional hearing on "“Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?" scheduled for today, I have bad news: it's been postponed due to inclement weather, so adjust your schedules accordingly. • Toyota is going to get in trouble, Toyota's going to get in trouble. Yeah, Toyota. How DARE you run an efficient business that actually makes a profit! Why, I bet you don’t have any union auto employees (I wouldn’t quite call them “workers”) making $30+/hour at a local “jobs bank.” This is AMERICA, damnit. These made me LOL. OK Yeah, because a JAPANESE-OWNED COMPANY can’t be diverse unless it has one of our country’s race-baiting poverty pimps getting a cut of the profits. Once again, damn you Toyota for making these bloated, inefficient companies look bad. Shame, shame, shame. That ain’t going to fly with Democrats in charge.

As for my winter garb. I have a blue jacket that I've worn every winter since 1996. I've only put in the liner 3-4 times during this span. No gloves, no boots, no scarves, no nothing. Although I do wear pants and short-sleeved shirts.

Where the hell have you been?

I'm not a NASCAR fan, but I realize that there are a bunch of them out there. If it wasn't making money, then ESPN wouldn't do it. Then again, there was that whole thing with the cell phone...

I'm not saying another word. Go do your thing.

I LOVED Bump 'n Jump. So there was an actual story/plot to the game? Woah.

Yes I have. This isn't the same BUTT-hole, is it?