King Kamala

Let me rate the WWF PPVs of '99 Royal Rumble '99: One of those PPVs that was kind of fun watching it live but really doesn't hold up well at all to repeat viewings. That kind of describes most of the latter part of Russo's run in WWF for me. The I Quit match is of course pretty damn good and X-Pac/Gangrel is a fun undercard match. The Royal Rumble is totally a clusterfuck and one of the worst of all time but I still maintain even a bad Rumble is somewhat entertaining. Can't remember anything else on the card. St. Valentine's Day Massacre: Again like Royal Rumble '99, was fun to watch at the time but now? Not so much. Another good World title match, a fun Hardcore title match, and Austin beating the shit out of Vince is almost always fun but everything else kind of sucks. WrestleMania XV: When one of the best match of the night is between the promoter's son and X-Pac, you know it's got to be a shitty card. Besides the main event and the aforementioned X-Pac/Shane match, everything else is the drizzling shits. Backlash: Haven't seen this one in years. I remember it being an enjoyable enough card. Rock/Austin II was definitely better than the first one and I remember Triple H/X-Pac being good and Undertaker/Shamrock was kind of interesting. Not sure if it would hold up if I saw it again but just looking the card on paper, I think it's a safe bet that it's better than any of the first three PPVs that year. Over The Edge: Haven't seen it, probably never will. King of The Ring '99: Cabbageboy to call this a very mediocre show is being extremely charitable. I'd say it's easily one of the ten worst WWE/F PPVs of all time. The tournament is completely rushed and is second only to '95 in terms of sucktitude. The Rock/Undertaker is extremely boring, Edge and Christian/The Hardy Boyz is too short to make much of a mark and is really only notable for being The Hardys first PPV match and an early encounter between the two teams. The MOTN by default is McMahons/Austin. Terrible, terrible PPV. Fully Loaded '99: Don't think I've seen this one. SummerSlam '99: Good main event, fun Shane/Test match, and not much else worth mentioning. Unforgiven '99: Weird show with the whole referees on strike angle. Don't remember much else besides that. The Six Pack match was unique and kind of fun at the time. No Mercy '99: Another show I've only seen once a long, long time ago. I remember it being an enjoyable enough show. Edge and Christian/Hardys was a nice foreshadow of things to come. Survivor Series '99: Really lame PPV. Not egregiously bad as KOTR '99 just a boring ass show. Armageddon '99: I don't really like this one. Doesn't have much going for it really besides The Kat flashing. Vince Vs Triple H was just absurdly long.

And now I believe the last Guerrero is off the board.

The Stars and Stripes Challenge thread raised this question. Did the Lex Luger-Yokozuna feud ever have a proper blowoff? After WrestleMania X, they just went into separate directions with Luger feuding with Mr. Perfect and Yokozuna forming that short lived tag team with Crush. Did WWF just realize nobody really cared about whether or not Lex would finally give Yokozuna his comeuppance and decided to abruptly end the feud? I just found it weird that they'd build up a feud for eight months and then just end it with no big final showdown.

Put a big grilled portabella mushroom on a hamburger bun, slap some condiments on it, and you've got a great vegetarian burger substitute. I shouldn't of called it a burger cause it really isn't but it's a hell of a lot better than that Boca Burger crap.

Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb? I was going to suggest Turner and Hooch but then I realized it didn't make much sense. Still it has a ring to it. And Truthiness can't claim I've never contributed anything to The WWE Folder in recent memory. I restarted the roundtable dammit. Sure I gave up on them after three months but what a magnificent three months they were! I'm sure Venkman and Dandy will attest to that... If you're going to attack someone for their complain/contribue ratio, why not gary floyd? He complains about WWE folder a lot and I don't think I've ever seen him post there! I restarted the roundtable dammit. My place in WWE folder lore is secure.

I haven't been accused of snitching or being a fucking bitch since EHME's heyday about six months ago. I don't read the WWE folder all that much so I'll take others word for t that Truthiness probably doesn't belong in The Gulag anymore. But I still maintain that ashamed wrestling fan, cabbage and DarKnight do. And we definitely need to come up with a clever nickname for the last two.

We all know Vince was desparate for a Hogan replacement and Luger wouldn't be the last one to try and fill his shoes. Who can forget Diesel's Hoganesque World title run? I'm sure we all want to to. Anyways, Luger wasn't a bad choice to be Hogan's defacto replacement but the fact that there was no buildup and no sort of transition from Narcissistic heel who bashes people with his steel plated forearm to All American hero and all around great guy who bashes evil foreigners with his steel plated forearm.

I just watched this about a month ago. I always thought as a mark that Crush should have been the guy to get the slam instead of Luger. And I never got the hell what Tatanka was trying to accomplish by trying to beat up Yokozuna. I guess softening him up before he slams him isn't a bad idea in theory but Yoko just got angry and legdropped him. Even as a mark watching this I thought The Native American Phenom was being a dope. I maintain that this angle was a pretty cool idea in theory (Upstart American bodyslams massive foreign heel World Champion on the 4th of July) but it just wasn't done with the right babyface. Luger just came off as too random and in the long term, the angle never really went anywhere. Still, I'd say it got off to a good start.

Let's gulag the both of 'em! And how about The Truthiness and ashamed wrestling too while we're at it?

Two completely unrelated comments I have 1. Last episode of At The Movies with Ebert and Roeper is on here tonight/this morning. Anybody else seen it already or is planning on watching it? Is it just a regular show or is it a retrospective? Kind of hoping for the latter but I'm taping it regardless because I'm a dork. 2. Watching the last forty five minutes of The Day After on the Sci Fi Network a couple of days ago at 2 A.M. got me into the mood for postapocalypse movies. Any recommendations? The more obscure the recommendation, the better. I know if anyone can help me in this area, it's you guys!

Ebert vaguely references the fact that he wanted Little Indian, Big City remade in the last paragraph of his written review for the remake. Jungle 2 Jungle review

I'm here to give a cheap plug to my new Kamala At The Book blog right here on TSM where I'll be rebooking AWA circa 1989. Enjoy, you crazy kids.

I've always been a semi-closeted fan of fantasy booking. I don't usually indulge in this habit on the board due to a lack of interest and a lack of intelligent feedback. Generally, I like to rebook difficult times in wrestling history and I'm going to rebook a once great wrestling promotion on its death bed. That's right I'm going to rebook AWA for the calendar year of 1989. Let's look at what really happenned... In 1988, AWA joined forces with fellow struggling promotions, CWA and World Class Championship Wrestling. CWA legend Jerry Lawler was even allowed to win the AWA World title from the departing Curt Hennig. After a contentious and unsuccessful venture into PPV in December (SuperClash III), the collaborative effort fell apart. As a result, Jerry Lawler was stripped of the AWA World title on January 20th, 1989. Lawler kept the title belt and continued promoting himself as The World Heavyweight Champion on the independent circuit in an attempt to leverage PPV revenue from Gagne that was owed to him. Gagne was forced to commission a new AWA World Heavyweight title of similar design and on February 7th, 1989, the AWA would crown its new World Champion. How would AWA do this? Perhaps a one night tournament? No...a 18 man over the top rope battle royal would determine the new World Champion! The winner of that battle royal was Larry Zbyszko, longtime AWA employee and son-in-law of Verne Gagne. Zbyzsko wasn't the worst choice they could have went with but while his "human chess match" (IE stalling filled) brand of wrestling and promos may have gotten him heel heat, it wasn't exactly what you wanted to build a promotion around. With a diminishing roster and the focus of the promotion turning to the insipid, nonsensical Team Challenge Series, the promotion took a nose dive and would be finally put out of its misery in 1991. So let's go back to late January 1989 and see what I have to work with AWA World Champion- Vacant AWA International Television title- Greg Gagne (A vanity title created for Verne's baby boy in December 1987. While Gagne wasn't nearly as bad of a worker as the IWC occasionally makes him out to be, he was well passed his prime at this point and by year's end, he (along with the title) would be retired. Even though the reason for the title's creation was somewhat dubious, we need a secondary title and this will do the job. Gagne, though washed up, was still a somewhat formidable veteran and over with The AWA crowd so he'll still be champ...for now.) AWA Tag Team Champions- Badd Company (Paul Diamond and Pat Tanaka) (Even in the dire, dying days of AWA, they usually managed to have some decent tag teams on the roster or at the very least, a good team on top. Badd Company was no exception and they would soon go onto leave for greener pastures. But that won't be for a while so they'll remain the centerpiece of the tag team division. Oh yeah, they have some guy named Diamond Dallas Page as their loudmouthed manager. Wonder whatever happened to that guy?) Let's run down some of the members of the AWA roster circa January 1989; Akio Sato: Joined the roster of the dissolution of Central States Wrestling. Again, another guy who was a bit passed his prime but he was still half-decent in the ring so he'll make perfectly competent mid-card material. The Destruction Crew (Wayne Bloom and Mike Enos): Former AWA job guys who would slowly ascend to the top of the tag team division over the course of the year. I like these guys, I'd repackage them and have them raise hell and beat up jobbers. They'll be the #2 heel tag team) The Top Guns (Ricky Rice and Derrick Dukes): A salt and pepper pretty boy team. Pedestrian but not entirely terrible. Due to a lack of babyface teams, I'll keep 'em as midcard fodder. Tommy Jammer: A new guy to the scene. In fact, made his AWA debut in the 18 Man Battle Royal for the AWA World title. This guy kind of sucked but he was somewhat of a rookie so I'll keep him on as a job guy. "Z Man" Tom Zenk: Future internet icon, making his comeback to the wrestling world after his release from The WWF. Would go onto be the last man eliminated the 18 Man Battle Royal and have a world title feud with Zybyszko before leaving for the greener pastures of the NWA, Given the lack of youngish talent and the fact he's a half decent worker and a native Minnesotan, I'll keep him. Larry Zybszko: We've gone over him a bit. He may not be World Champion material but with a roster this thin, there's no doubt that he's worth keeping and making an integral part of the promotion. He may have been a bit past his prime but he had plenty of gas left in the tank and was part of one of the biggest feuds in North American wrestling history. Ken Patera: Coming home after a downright terrible WWF run. He was way way way past his prime but surprisingly, I'm going to keep him. However, there's no way I'm going to keep him as a babyface. He's a natural heel. I'll go into more detail over how I'll use him in Part Two but let's say his...umm...colorful history will be brought up. Wahoo McDaniel: Another guy way passed his prime. I don't really see much use for him besides putting over younger talent. Manny Fernandez: What do you know? Another wrestler who's seen better days on the roster? See The Last Entry. Sgt. Slaughter: Umm..I could say just "See Last Two Guys" but I'll elaboarate a bit. The former WWF main eventer and GI Joe star was slumming it in the AWA. Who knew at this point that he would have another WWF World title run ahead of him? Obviously, I'm going to keep him as a top guy thanks to his name value and the fact that he could still go (Was probably just trying to impress Vince and get the hell out of there ASAP). Colonel DeBeers: Controversial and tasteless as hell gimmick but I'm going to keep him. Watching these old shows on ESPN Classic, I see that he's quite an entertaining old school heel. I'll probably stick him in a feud with Sgt. Slaughter for the time being. John Nord: Beloved doofus and Bruiser Brody clone. Works best as a goofy babyface or wildman heel. Given the lack of credible babyfaces roster, I'll have him as the former. Scott Norton: Relative newcomer. Had a great look, will definitely keep him and build him up as a monster heel rather than the flapjack loving lumberjack that the AWA used him as in reality. Brad Rheingans: Bland but technically proficient veteran. The type of fucker that Verne goes gaga over. Perfectly competent mid-card guy. The Guerreros (Hector, Chavo, Mando): Probably the most exciting guys on the roster, ringwork wise. Some combination of them will be in contention for the tag team titles. The Texas Hangmen: Generic masked heels. Will be used as a stepping stone for babyface teams before they go onto face Badd Company. Kokina Maximus: The future Yokozuna was then weighing in just under 400 pounds. Would be main-event material eventually but that was a few years. Still a valuable addition to the roster. Baron Von Raschke: Way way way past his prime. But still over enough to be used occasionally as a special attraction. If I forgot someone, they probably aren't important enough to factor into my booking plan. Now, that's not the greatest roster obviously but its not completely without potential. Plus The AWA still had a weekly nationally televised show that promotions would covet. Still getting the AWA to recapture even a fraction of its past glory will require some outside talent being brought in. Now this is the portion of fantasy booking most people have a problem with. They like to crow about how it wouldn't be possible to bring wrestler X into *insert name of promotion here) because such and such of a reason. Well they call it fantasy booking for a reason. I like to keep it realistic though so I'm not going to try to bring The Hulkster back to AWA or make a run at Ric Flair because that would be ridiculous. So here are some guys (or tag teams) I'll bring in who the AWA actually might have had some semblance of a shot at getting in January 1989... Big Van Vader: Formerly known as an indistinguishable AWA babyface, Leon "Baby Bull" White, Vader had reinvented himself as a monster heel in Japan. He had famously squashed wrestling legend Antonio Inoki in his home court, The Sumo Hall. I'll be using him as a mysterious virtually indestructible monster superheel. More along the lines of his Darth Vader helmet spewing character. The Killer Bees: Both guys are former AWAers and a well established tag team in the wrestling world. The AWA desparately needed another good babyface tag team and these two were probably the best on the market (Yeah The Bulldogs were still on the market but Dynamite was broken down at this point and they really hated each other). Scott Hall: Another former AWA guy, on his way to an indistinguished run in NWA. Even at this point, I think if booked properly, Hall could have been a main eventer. And he'd be a fresh addition to a stagnant group of top babyfaces. Don Muraco: Like Patera, he's another guy who was way past his prime- workrate wise but was definitely worthy enough for a career resurrection as a heel. He was always entertaining on the mic as a heel and the AWA was in desparate need for entertaining guys at this stage. Davey Boy Smith: Was just starting to become a singles star with Stampede. I figure there needs to be somebody on the roster who can hang with all of the hosses I have. He also hasn't yet seen the peak of his wrestling career. Jerry Lynn: Considering he's another Minnesotan, he's a perfect fit for the roster. Lynn had just debuted at this point so I'll use him as cannon fodder at first and slowly move him up the card. Eddie Guerrero: The Andy Gibb to his brothers' Bee Gees. The tagalong little brother who slowly starts making a name of his own in wrestling. Coming up at some point this week...Vol. 2---I'll be highlighting the major feuds and title changes leading up to SuperClash IV in December. If you managed to read all of this beast, I'll give you a cookie.

Yeah, I was the one who picked Hector. Guerrero family members are like Lays Potato Chips, you can't have just one! When I realized there was still one wrestling member of the family on the board, I had to get him.

Fly Me To The Moon's somewhat respectable PSA is proof that people will see anything in 3D. Either that or parents are desparate for kids movies. Wall-E is still in some theaters and there's the new Star Wars but other than that there's not much. Still it sounds like one of the most astoundingly stupid sounding movies ever. Apparently, it has a live action insert at the end where Buzz Aldrin tells us that it was not physically possible for flys to have hitched a ride onto Apollo 11. Well no shit Buzz, you killjoy!

Alright I could have swore this guy was picked with one of his brothers but I guess he hasn't been. I've done both kinds of searches and his name hasn't come up. I'll apologize in advance for upsetting TheFranchise with this pick. I needed another draw for the big Latino crowd in Southern California and this guy is a natural fit and a steal at this point. He's part of one of wrestling's most famous families and was a huge draw for The Los Angeles territory in the Mid to Late '70s. I'm going to use him a fiery Latino babyface and occassional tag team partner with his younger brother, Hector. He's a two time former NWA Americas Heavyweight Champion and a seven time NWA Americas Tag Team Champion... With my 39th pick in The All Time Wrestling Roster Draft, I'm proud to select... ...Mando Guerrero Unless I'm mistaken he's the last member of the Guerrero Family to be taken.

That's kind of damning with faint praise. True but it is technically correct. At the same time, there were more WWF PPVs that year that weren't terrible than WCW.

Is it just me or is Buck Zumhoffe a dead ringer for Styx guitarist James JY Young? The resemblance is uncanny? ...Separated at birth?

Ah I see the hangup. Sorry Drury.

I think the one thing that kept Spring Stampede from being a truly great PPV was the fact they never really went everywhere after it. It was kind of like a precursor to TNA PPVs in a way- a lot of good wrestling but you knew it wouldn't really matter in the long run because they wouldn't build off of it. Still Ill stand by my statement that WCW had more good PPVs in '99 than WWF.

Drury....press the control and F keys at the same time and type in the guy's name. Will save all of us a lot of time.

She became famous via the Paris Hilton route. She made a sex tape, then did a reality show, and is now acting in crappy movies. And she has a big ass.

In case, you think I've forgotten. Here's my first real entry of my blog. Today, I'll share a few music videos with some brief comments. Here's the late Harry Nilsson singing "1941" on a 1973 BBC Special. This is an autobiographical song off of his Beatles influenced debut, 1967's Pandemonium Shadow Show. Nilsson is one of my favorite singer-songwriters. One of those jack of all trades artists- he could do it all from whimsical nonsense to schmaltzy ballads to country rock to driving hard rockers to well orchested McCartneyesque baroque pop such as this. Nilsson also produced some of the greatest trainwrecks in popular music history. Speaking of artists who have produced their share of trainwrecks, let's talk about The Beach Boys This is the band doing the title track off their 1968 album Friends. The album is notable for being the last album until 1977 where Brian Wilson would serve as the dominant creative force, writing or co-writing every song on the album. Friends is also notable for being The Beach Boys least popular album to that point, peaking at #126 on The Billboard Albums Chart. This album was just not made for 1968. In a summer of revolution- the young people of America had little use for The Beach Boys, their lush harmonies, and their dopey naivete. And the album was just flat out too weird to be welcomed with open arms by popular radio. You've got the weird basic sex education lesson "When A Man Needs A Woman", "Be Here In The Mornin'", which predates Prince in terms of vocals by dudes creepily sped up so they sound like women by about twenty years, a tribute to an erotic masseuse ("Anna Lee The Healer") and some crappy Mike Love led songs about The Maharishi. Perhaps the most notable track on the album is the bossa novaesque "Busy Doin' Nothin'", a window into Brian Wilson's crumbling psyche. It's a record quite literally about doin' nothing. Even when he was going batshit insane, Brian Wilson still could produce some damn fine pop tunes. Next- Kamala At The Book. I'll book a year in wrestling history and hopefully you'll read it.

Ernest Borgnine reveals his secret to a long and happy life

My next pick was an accomplished amateur wrestler who parlayed his success into the wild, wacky world of the pros. He didn't exactly exude charisma but he won over fans of the AWA in the '80s with his fine technical wrestling skills. Later on in life, he became a well accomplished coach and trainer for both amateur and professional wrestlers. With some of his more notable students being Vader, John Bradshaw Layfield, and The Nasty Boys. I'll be using him as Verne Gagne's young protege in his battle against Nick Bockwinkel and Ric Flair. He's a former AWA Tag Team Champion and was voted Rookie of The Year in 1981 by the Wrestling Observer. With my 38th pick, I'm proud to select... ...Brad Rheingans