Conspiracy_Victim

And their gym bags.

John Cena vs. Matt Striker?? This should be bonus Fantasy points for anyone who actually puts Matt Striker on their roster.

JR with a Shakira reference. I'm pretty sure that's one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

Yeah someone's getting fired tonight.

Protect kayfabe at all costs! The first rule of kayfabe is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT KAYFABE!

I can't tell if that was legit screwing up or not.

Foreshadowing by the truck! Someone's gettin' fired.

Like the guy, or hate him, that's great news if you ask me, considering he almost died in the past year. YEA-UH! Good to see that he's back in good health. Yup he'll be back on our TVs stiffing and no-selling new guys before we know it. To be fair, it is good to see him come back healthy.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, MILLER GOLD! Jesus we sound like a fucking beer."

Yeah the whole awards thing is out of whack. I've had a QB win the Heisman and finish 8th in the "Best QB" award. You'd think that the Heisman would kinc of indicate that he was the best QB, but I guess the voters let politics and bribes get in the way or something.

I'll admit I sim the blowouts and play the tough ones, so I go through seasons pretty quickly. But, thought I'd throw this out there as a "God the A.I. is out to get me" moment. My Hampden-Sydney Tigers (#1) were playing the USC Trojans (#2) in the national championship game. After a hardfought game that saw me come back from a 10 point deficit in the 4th quarter, the teams go to overtime tied at 31. First overtime, I hold USC (who couldn't run the ball all night) to no yards. They kick a field goal to take the lead. I come back and take a bad sack on 3rd down (where somehow their safety was able to run over my tackle AND running back to get to the QB). But, I was able to sneak a 44 yard field goal just inside the left upright to tie it back up. I start off the second overtime and get a quick 15 yard completion to put me at the 10. A run goes nowhere. On second down I hit a WR on a quick slant at the 3. He makes the catch but gets tackled and fumbles. Series over. USC takes over and plays first down conservatively with a run, but my blitzing LB hits him for a 4 yard loss. Then on second down they try to hit the TE on the seam between the LBs (playing man to man) and the safety (zone over the top in a Cover 2). However, the QB for once misreads the defense and doesn't see that my linebackeris actually in front of the TE. He makes a great over the shoulder interception to end the series. USC gets the ball to start the 3rd overtime, goes nowhere, and kicks a field goal. I take the ball and decide to try to end it quickly. I see USC's safeties creeping up and I know they're blitzing. That leaves my Heisman winning, All-America, All-everything wideout single covered by a woefully outmatched CB on a deep post. I pump fake to hold the DBs and let it go. Hits the receiver at the 3, but doesn't quite lead him, even though I precision passed it what I thought was well in front of him. The CB (who was about 5 yards behind the WR when I threw the ball) somehow becomes Carl Lewis, tackles the wideout from behind, STRIPS THE BALL FROM HIM, then somehow gets around my wideout and recovers the ball at the 1. Game over, I lose 34-31. TWO fumbles inside the 5 on potentially game-ending plays. Didn't even make Instant Classics. I'm so pissed I forget my promise to myself to take it easy today on my PS2 (which seems to be rebelling against this newfound usage after months of 360 induced neglect) and spend all day playing another season today. I roll through recruiting (tied with Texas for top class), set up an A+ schedule with 7 preseason ranked teams, and roll through a stacked ACC undefeated, while at the same time garnering seven 4 and 5* recruits (personal best). I then pistol whip Navy (who somehow got REALLY good) in the championship game 42-28. I lose a mediocre class (only a couple of 90+ guys, and they were juniors who declared early), take the top recruiting class, and somehow I'm still only ranked 3rd behind USC and Oklahoma. I've got 14 guys ranked in the 90s (including 2 WRs and my QB) and I'm making it a point to end #4 Ohio State's home winning streak in week 3. Oughta be fun.

I think the most I've gotten in a season is 5. I usually recruit the max, then try to spread out the recruiting points by interest (more interested, more points). Eventually, the pretenders will drop out and I'll reassign their points. If you have a good season, they're ready to schedule a visit by week 10 or so (I think I actually had one ready to visit by week 8, but he was from my state and had me as his #1 by far). Be careful about scheduling their visits. I've had a lot of soft verbal commits stolen from me because I pitched the wrong thing to them. Don't have them visit until you're either sure about what they like, or are about to visit someone higher than you (in which case they're probably going to end up there anyway).

"57 Keebler elves were killed today when an airplane crashed into their tree." "EL Fudge remains in critcal condition."

"He died as he lived, mud-splattered and splaying." "Hi! I'm Bob Evil!"

"Genius, sheer genius..." "Couldn't save this film!" I've started to go back and look through all my DVD box sets and single movies. Space Mutiny, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, Merlin's Mystical Shop of Wonders, et. al. Good times.

Athletes seem like they give up baseline stats in exchange for having a smaller drop between positions. The smaller guys can become WRs and RBs and not be as good as guys who are recruited for that position, but still are better than switching DBs to receiver or running back. Just what it seems like. Although athletes can end up being very good if put in the right place. For some reason I can't recruit OLmen, but I snagged a 4* athlete who was 6'8", 333 lbs. I switched him to tackle (70 overall) and redshirted him. By his senior year he was an All-American, 93 overall thanks to two huge training offseasons (gained like 8 points one year and 7 another year).

Seconded.

I believe I read somewhere that that footage is simply test footage created by a special effects company to test the feasibility of CGI Transformers. So, not legit IIRC.

That happened to me with last year's San Jose State team. Team sucked so hard I could only win 2 or 3 games, then I graduate like 20 guys. No one wanted to come in, and I ended up with a bunch of scrubs. That was a very short dynasty that felt like a very long one.

Has DNF passed Daikatana as the "biggest hype, biggest delay" award winner yet? I swear, it seems like it's been in development for about a decade.

I think I'm going to buy myself one of those "Mooby" shirts and tape "Porch Monkey 4 Life" on it. Until I got the shit kicked out of me reminiscent of the deleted "John McClain gets his ass kicked in Harlem" scene from "Dir Hard With a Vengence". Disclaimer: yes I know there is no such scene, but I figured that would provide the best imagery.

Super Crazy wrestles Helms Sunday I think. Although if they throw Psicosis in and make it "Falls Count Anywhere" so Crazy could do his "Moonsault off a conveniently high object" spot I wouldn't mind it.

Man I loved this movie. Not sure where it ranks on my list in the Askewniverse. Probably #2 behind Clerks just for the nostalgia factor. I would like to know how Jeff Anderson doesn't get higher profile acting gigs. His ability to tell a story with a facial expression and his deadpanning of some hilarious rants in this one are great.

The edited version is actually funnier than the original version. All the bleeping. Good times, good times.

Man, I love Florida's playbook. If you've got any talent at all in the "skill" positions you can win with it. Made a huge difference in my offense. Sure it's against a bad schedule but I'll take what I can get. Plus it sure does help with the inseason recruiting when you're not getting embarrassed in front of the top talent in the nation.