Toshiaki Koala

“Hello?” “Mr. Flesher?” “Maybe.” “Mr. Flesher, this is Scott Pretzler speaking,” “Ah, Scott. It’s a bit late, and Allis—look, could you call back tomorrow?” “I’d love to, but this really can’t wait.” “Alright, shoot.” “Toxxic spoke to you recently.” “Yes, he did. And?” “He asked you to change the stipulations of our match.” “He did that too. And…?” “I want them changed back.” “Changed back? Scott, you are aware that he asked for me to remove the No DQ and No Countout stipulations, right? Don’t ask me why, but it seems to me like he was trying to give you an advantage—“ “I’m aware of that, Mr. Flesher. I’m aware of every detail. And I don’t like it one bit. Even if he is trying to help me out – and I don’t see why he would, being such an incurable opportunist – it’s kind of like affirmative action, you know? When I do win, I want my victory to be pure and untainted, to come out of my own abilities and preparation rather than the efforts of my opponent to ‘level the playing field.’” “Well, he obviously has more insidious reasons than that.” “Certainly he does. It makes my skin crawl just to imagine what was running through his mind when he approached you. But that’s not important – all that matters is that you get the match’s rules restored to their original state.” “I’d love to help you out, Scott, but the show is tomorrow night! There is only so much I can do, and I’m afraid I’ve already done it. And… if I may speak confidentially… I think Toxxic is doing this because he doesn’t want to hurt you.” … “You know, Mr. Flesher, I’ve thought about that. And I have to say your theory holds some weight. However, there is one small problem.” “Which is…?” “It may very well be true that Toxxic doesn’t want to hurt me. But I want to hurt him. I implore you, Mr. Flesher. Don’t listen to that maniac. Change it back.” … “I’ll see what I can do... but I can promise you nothing. Good night, Scott.” “Good night, Mr. Flesher.”

Wait a sec... my match is No DQ and No Countouts! Why must I fuck everything up?

Here's another question: why do stupid white kids walk around with their pants lowered to knee-level, so their filthy underwear is visible to anyone who walks by? Do they think girls will find it sexy? Do girls find it sexy? Nothing black people do is anywhere near as annoying as this.

Superstar, the time has come for me to know: are you the person in your signature or your avatar?

Big congratulations all around to JJ - he wrote the whole match himself and WON~! Wish I could have contributed, but it looks swell enough as it is.

Needless to say, the fake Mallard cartoon in Stewart's book is MUCH funnier than the real ones. Which doesn't mean it's particularly hilarious - I looked through the Fillmore archives, and it's just awful. Down there with that Cox and Forkum crap, to be sure.

For some reason, every Smackdown video package featuring Batista has a closeup of that embarassing "UNLESH THE ANIMAL" sign. It's almost as if they don't know it's spelled wrong... I once saw a sign on Smackdown that said "I KNOW BIG CUNTRY" - it's nice that you're friends with the fat guy who does Byte This, but I really don't think he'd appreciate having his name confused with a slang term for the female genitalia. I'll never stop pimping my "DDP BANGS SARA" and "FUDGE-PAC" signs, brought to KOTR 2001 and an '02 Raw respectively.

What a beautiful, wonderful squash this will be. As much as I fear for Ogawa's life, I can't wait to see this.

They're technical restholds. And they're positively thrilling.

Damn, I wish I'd asked to remain unbooked. Because I can tell you right now, there's very little chance I'll be able to write much. More detailed excuse to come later.

Well, Mike, my match was still late... sorry about that. But I sentified it, yes I did!

Meanwhile, thanks to the latest schedule change, the Family Guy reruns on Adult Swim airing against the Daily Show are a hundred times funnier than Jon Stewart has ever been. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> And the reruns of Curb Your Enthusiasm running God-knows-when on HBO are a million billion trillion times funnier than Family Guy.

Wow, Hiroyoshi Tenzan's been pumping the roids and he got himself a killer tan!

Frighteningly enough, I actually knew about this movie long before reading that article. But seriously - why would anybody want to watch that? To each his own, I suppose.

Wow, I guess not a single person read the Ghost Machine promo THAT HE POSTED ON THE BOARD. Not saying that makes them bad people or anything... And I had a feeling I was mistaken about the whole "no one has escaped!" deal, but I was too lazy to actually go back and read all of the matches I'd been in to check. I also knew somehow that you would be the one to point out my error, which you did indeed do.

Thanks?

Does anyone even remember Mr. Bugaboo?

(I'm glad people are ignoring spiny norman's creepy trolling.) Pinnochio 1949

Goldfinger 1943

I don't recall Heyman saying anything funny at ONS, but the Mexicools are indeed gold. A million billion dollars to anyone who brings a "Juventud is a Mexi-can't" sign to the next Smackdown.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith 1972

Wow, I somehow missed his reply to that when it happened. Prickly! I can only assume he's called Kibagami in real life, too - why else would he blow a fuse when I pointed out the similarities between his name and chewy, gummy, ring-shaped candies? Though, to be fair, it's not the first time (or even the second) I've been actively insulted by him, so maybe he has an agenda... EDIT: Amusingly enough, I just used the word "active" in the passive voice. This is so amusing, in fact, that I can't even bring myself to change it. So... enjoy it.

Sasuke Special II to Dick Togo while he was standing on the APRON in WCW World Tour. It happened completely by accident, but somehow the timing was just right and I hit him the moment he left the floor - beautiful.

That's right, it was announced tonight's Long Island show that KENTA KOBASHI (!!!) has been signed for the 10/1/05 show in NYC. KO-BA-SHI! KO-BA-SHI! KO-BA-SHI! Sorry. But... KOBASHI!

Aw, I was really hoping they would call it "Smackdown vs. Raw: It Wasn't My Fault!"