Toxxic

RIDICULOUS DEBUT AGAINST TWO ESTABLISHED VETERANS!! Munich vs. Manson vs. Rob Gilbert ~Munich has shown. Manson has yet to show in my entire time here. Gilbert is an unknown to me. I pick the cowardly heel, simply due to his character being most interesting to me. NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO BOUNCE OFF OF LOSS BY FIGHTING A MAN IN A PENGUIN SUIT!! Heath Black vs. Petey the Irish Penguin ~If Petey writes, he wins. NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO CONTINUE WINNING STREAK BY FIGHTING FORMER REFEREE!! Max King vs. Ced Ordonez ~ladies and gentlemen, your new Icon CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE DEFENSE ALREADY?? CRAAAAAZY!! Martin “Big Country” Hunt vs. Austin Sly© ~Sly. He's the new me, dontcherknow HARDCORE TITLE SHOT CASH-IN!! Ryan Dustin vs. Mike Van Siclen© ~Hmm, tricky. I think MVS might just pip this though. #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!! “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. Toxxic ~Oh... damn. ~SD5 claims that the Buffalo Sleeper defeats me. Damnit. ICTV CHAMPION IS IMMEDIATELY SENTENCED TO DEATH IN BOILER ROOM BRAWL!! Jay Dawg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© ~MADDIX IS GOLD~! Much More Maddix allows the ICTV Champ to carry this off without a hitch. TOM CASHES IN ON TITLE SHOT… JANUS SUSPENDED… FIGHTS JOHNNY DANGEROUS INSTEAD!! “The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Johnny Dangerous ~I have to pick Flesher. ~SD5 says the Superior Stretch Beta does Johnny in.

The Scene - a motel room, somewhere in North Daytona The Time - the afternoon of Thursday 24th June, 2004 The TV set is small and the picture is grainy, but two black-lined eyes stare intently at it nonetheless. Above them is black spiky hair, below them is a replica England soccer shirt. And clenched around the remote are two black-nailed hands, the knuckles turning slightly white. “C’mon... c’mon...” Toxxic mutters, almost unwilling to blink as he stares at the images unfolding on the screen. ‘...and it’s Darius Vassell coming up to take the penalty for England with the score level at 5-5, and it’s sudden death now. Beckham has missed one, Rui Costa has missed one...’ *BBRRING-BBRRING!!* “Hello?” Jet says, lifting the receiver of the phone. “Oh, hi Mr Zenon... yeah, he’s here... but he’s kinda busy right now...” ‘RICARDO SAVES IT! RICARDO SAVES THE PENALTY!’ “NO!!” Toxxic yells at the TV, “you fucking Portuguese bastard!” “Yeah, it’s the soccer,” Jet confirms to Alex Zenon. “I know, I’m not really into it either... you had to play it at school?” She laughs, and lies back on the bed as her boyfriend continues to mutter obscenities under his breath. “Nah, I just had to play hockey. I wasn’t much good, but it was fun to try and break the popular girls’ ankles...” ‘...and Ricardo is coming up to the spot! The Portuguese keeper is going to take the penalty that could put his side through to the semi-finals...’ “Miss it...” Toxxic mutters furiously, “miss it...” ‘...and now David James has to face his opposite number...’ “Yeah OK, I’ll tell him,” Jet confirms to the SWF Commissioner. “Mind if I ask why he’s getting this match, cos he’ll probably be interested... you’ve suspended Janus? Whoah, that must have taken some balls... yeah, we’ll see you on wednesday... bye!” ‘IT’S THERE! RICARDO BEATS DAVID JAMES, AND PORTUGAL ARE THROUGH WHILE ENGLAND GO OUT!!’ “YOU CUNT!” Toxxic screams, all semblance of control lost by the furious straight-edger. “You fucking arsehole cunt wanker piece of shit... RRAAAHHH!!” With one final explosive yell he flings the TV remote across the room - then abruptly stops and turns to Jet, apparently calm again. “Who was that?” “Zenon,” Jet answers, looking slightly confused at the sudden change in mood. “What’s up with all the screaming? I mean, it’s only a ga-” “Uh,” Toxxic cuts her off, holding up a finger. “People have died for less than what you were about to say.” He sits down on the bed. “So what did the One-Letter Wonder want?” “He’s suspended Janus for disrespecting the ICTV Title-” “Damn right, the bloody great psycho; drops me on my head to get it, then spits on the bloody thing...” “-and for trying to choke him out, apparently...” “Did anyone get video footage of that?” Toxxic asks, looking interested. “Don’t think so... anyway, since Janus is suspended Tom Flesher doesn’t get his shot yet... and you’re facing Danny Williams for some sort of joint-Number-One-Contendership on Smarkdown.” “Whoah,” Toxxic remarks, his eyebrows shooting up, “how does that work?” “No idea, Z didn’t say. But if you win you’ll get some sort of title shot at some point.” “Well, as long as it’s not a Strap match, I’m in,” Toxxic comments, fielding the video remote from where he chucked it. A grimace passes over his face again as he catches sight of the victorious Portugal team celebrating on the TV, and he zaps it. “Danny Williams, you said?” “Yup, old roidmonkey himself.” Toxxic’s eyes narrow, and the straight-edger is no longer staring at the TV but past and beyond it, at something else entirely. “Right.”

This is a good promo. OK so I just did that one-liner to rile Z. I like the promo a lot, still drawing on the history between Kibagami and Janus and Kibagami and Zenon. Janus is written very convincingly, and you get this idea that Zenon will NEVER fire Janus because he wants to make sure he's destroyed. Plus I'm namechecked (Y)

Right - GOOD opening match for Max King, slots in very nicely. The only thing I noticed was that Riley is meant to know that Petey is Tim Dillon, but be unable to convince Comet of it. Big up to Sly on beating Johnny! Told you this guy was good. Respect to Dustin for showing, at least. The main event - a little bit of Sportz Entertainment never hurt anyone. As long as it's only a little. And Maddix - the match was GREAT. This guy should be in the main event. So I suck at commentary at the moment, I'm sorry. I've just moved house, and now I need to work out how to beat Danny...

Right - let's see if I can't fuck this one up as badly as I did vs Silent.

Is there anything NOT to love about Maddix?

To which one can only respond - "who the fuck is Kelly Connelly?" Nice promo, as Dace has said. And I'm looking forward to seeing what goes on in that match, no matter who wins...

Which of course sucks bigtime. I mght buy Wrestlemania, maybe the Rumble... anything else can fuck off. It's not that I can't afford to buy them, but I'm not paying that much for shit.

I hate this entire idea. Personally I love writing Comet and Riley, which in my book is a good point for them to stay. Secondly... I know NOTHING about ANY of these people on any of the teams. i don't know their histories (beyond the very very basic). I know nothing about the way they speak. Comet and Riley were easy to get to grips with because you just had to have an OTT Hurricane for Comet, and a gay Bobby Heenan for Riley - commentary gold. If this idea actually goes through then please, PLEASE post links to promos done by these characters, preferably more than one per person. Otherwise I'm going to have to just sit out for at least 6 weeks' worth of shows simply to get a handle on who talks like what. I've written a three-man team once (Toxxic vs Dace Night, Aecas on commentary) and that was OK because I found Aecas easy - he doesn't say much and you either make him scary or random (or more often scarily random or randomly scary). But doing it on a regular show would be VERY hard - I think three-man teams only work if the third guy has an interest in the match. That's my opinion anyway.

Eddy J motivated? ...I'll believe it when I see it. Don't get me wrong, I WANT to believe... but Clark's 'Blanka' comment is actually true.

Main Event Non-Title Bout; Special Guest Referee Dace Night vs Janus Special Guest Referee: Tom Flesher ~I'm gonna say Janus wins ~SD5 disagrees, as even though DAce "accidentally" keeps hitting Flesher, he still gets Janus to tap to the Torture Crab Cruiserweight Title Match Austin Sly vs Johnny Dangerous ~Johnny is very good these days but I dig Sly, so i pick him ~So-Cal! So-Cal! New Champion! New Champion! Submissions Match "Deathwish" Danny Williams vs Mike Van Siclen ~Danny all the way ~The Doushime Sleeper does it for the roidmonkey. USJL Title Match Alan Clark vs Aecas vs Todd Cortez vs Masked Man ~TMM gets it ~SD5 sees Aecas go apeshit with a chair (as he always seems to in these matches...) and gets the win by dropping Cortez with the Executioner while Clark was trying to get TMM to tap to the Cross Lightning. Toxxic vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~wait and see ~SD5 says Spike Rolls The Joint and gets the win. I'm less than impressed. Hardcore Title Contendership Ryan Dustin vs Munich vs Manson ~I'm saying Dustin Heath Black vs Martin "Big Country" Hunt ~God knows. What happened to Sean Davis? You know, the guy who actually promo'd on the PPV? Max King vs Petey The Irish Penguin ~The Insane Luchador has the dubious record of being the person defeated most by me in singles matches. Luchador writes Petey. I don't think I could write a match to beat Petey. So Petey wins.

Yes. Yes it was. Why?

Yeah, but one of us in particular hides his true origins by having a wrestler that comes from Huron. What is this thing called 'imagination'!? You must die!

JANUS IS CHAMP!! w00t!! Congrats to the big man, and to Drazon, Johnny, Ced, Graps, Taamo (I bet he had to write a bastard to beat Dace) and Clark (you crazy fool). And I can't believe I beat Kibs in a Last Man Standing. I'll probably find out he no-showed now, but still...

I'd like to point out to everyone that despite rumours sowed to the contrary (cos we thought that was what was happening), Kibagami IS showing for this PPV, and (I presume) writing to win. I hope Landon is being pushed to the main event now.

*Takes great pleasure in being more or less as far from the sea as it is possible to be on this island*

What's there to feel bad about if you don't like the beach? That's just sense.

Best. Promo. EVER.

Hey Rando, we have something in common. But seriously, 26k? That's just WRONG.

*squashes Drazon*

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH WORLD TITLE BOUT "Deathwish" Danny Williams© vs Janus© ~Personally I'll go with Janus, cos I mark for the guy. ~SD5 says Danny retains... with a sleeper! CANADIAN DEATH MATCH BEST-OF-FIVE SERIES, MATCH FIVE OF FIVE Dace Night (2) vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher (2) ~I have to go Brit pride AND follow my head and say Dace. You go, boy! ~SD5 just had a normal match, but Dace won. IRON MAN MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© vs Alan Clark ~LANDON IS GOLD~! Although Clark is absolutely insane, so may write a ridiculous amount of words. But I have to go Landon. PUSH HIM TO THE MAIN EVENT! ~SD5 10-minute Ironman match - now falls for the first seven minutes, then Clark wins 5-0. Bizarre. MASKED MAN MYSTERY MATCH FIVE WOUNDS GAUNTLET The Masked Man vs Aecas, David Blazenwing, Ace Lezaire, Insane Luchador and... Ebony? ~TMM will win his three required ones, and retain the briefcase. LAST MAN STANDING Nathaniel Kibagami vs Toxxic ~For what it's worth, SD5 says me with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome CASINO FLOOR BRAWL TAG TEAM TITLES BOUT Hollywood Boulevard© vs Crow & "The Notorious" John Duran ~Christ. I think that in this environment the hardcore element favours Crow and the sheer bizarrness of the Casino favours the writing skills of Duran. So I say their match wins, even if they write to lose. ~SD5 (Hardcore Tornado Tag) says that Sunset Boulevard retain after Cortez nails Duran with a chair. CAGE MATCH CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~This is Spike's time. SINGLES MATCH Munich vs Jay Dawg ~If Drazon shows this time I suppose he has a good chance, but i wouldn't like to pick. SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Ryan Dustin ~No idea, really. I'll go with Dustin, cos I like him.

15,536. And finished. Yes, you read that right. I hope you all feel suitably sorry for TNT. Now will somebody please fucking SHOOT me.

They're awesome, anyway. I particularly like the bit about Crow not giving a shit. And I find it tremendously excellent that we have an e-fed that we can create smarkish rumours about!

Oooh, MENTOR~!

You liar Flesher, it damn well is about the record! You go, guys. Rock that match.