JoeDirt

I just added two Smart Mark Video masters to the list. The first is the 8/27/04 Chikara show. If you haven't seen Chikara and don't want to pay $15 at SMV to see if you like it or not, get it here for $8. It's a really fun show, which is really what Chikara is all about. The second is the CZW day show for 9/11/04. It has the FANTASTIC Super Dragon vs. B-Boy vs. Quance vs. Excalibur match, Hero vs. Shelley, and a great 10-man Chikara match. Definitely worth picking up for the cheap price. PM me or email me - it's first come, first serve. If you have paypal, that would be great. The CZW show is no longer available.

Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy ... and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy. ====== Diane Simmons: Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-case. Tom Tucker: Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane. ====== Tom Tucker: Now let's go to Greg The Weather Mime. OK... it's going to be cold... lots of wind... and it looks like parents are going to throw human fecal matter from the rooftops onto their children ... oh, GOD. That's awful. No wait, it looks like rain. Yes, rain. ====== Meg: I just want to kill myself...I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. (Lois and Peter stare in silence) Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts. (Peter and Lois keep staring) Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs) Peter: Who was that guy?

Well, clearly to each his own. I think putting Hero/Danielson under *** is a little ridiculous, as is Mike Rome saying on the DVD boards something to the effect of Hero constantly having bad matches. But to each his own, I guess, and that's why star ratings are subjective. I've become a real Hero fan, and others aren't, so I can live with that. I guess I can say that if you're a Hero fan you'll love this match with Dragon. I'm sure you liked it less, Tim, because Dragon was in control for less of the time here compared to their 8/21 match, and since you don't like Hero you didn't like the match as much. But I like the story the last two matches have told; on 8/21, Danielson dominated Hero when in Highland (where Hero has been "cursed" lately), causing Hero to get away from "wrestling" and try to outstrike Danielson and take some risks, only to be caught off the top rope with an armbreaker into the Cattle Mutilation for the loss. On 9/15, when not in Highland, it was more of Hero's match, yet he was still not able to get the win over Dragon. I like the subtleties to this slow building storyline. But just like I said that if you liked Sydal/Styles the first time you'd love it again here, if you are a fan of Chris Hero's work, you'll love the 9/15 match with Danielson. (Not to mention the 9/16 tag match with Hero/Nigel vs. Shelley/Strong). If you're not, then don't bother. It's as simple as that.

Check out my Family Guy quotes thread.

I thought that Orton/Flair segment was fucking phenomenal.

Well, Val Venis can't sink much lower...

Cool topic, and I have several ideas. My first is a suggestion I've made several times on this board: WWE should make Sunday Night Heat an actual DECENT SHOW again. I'd say the same for Velocity, but it's on at 11PM on a Saturday...not a great timeslot. But Heat is at 7:00 on a Sunday. It USED to be a show that got good ratings back in 1999 especially. Have at least one big match for the show as the main event, and advertise it on RAW. Don't have a clip show where you show entire clips; you can get across what happened in video packages or quicker clips. This would allow more time for matches and promos. Promos would allow guys who don't usually get a chance to talk on RAW a chance to hone their skills on Heat. Hype the show on RAW, and bring the viewers back. What do you think?

...who beat the Repo Man on one of the first RAW episodes ever...

Which brand are you liking more right now and why? Has this opinion recently changed or been like this for a while?

Meg: Mayor West, can I have an interview with you? Adam West: You can't interview a dead man! [He jumps out the window.]

I've enjoyed Conan for years, his humor usually makes me laugh for whatever reason. I don't know why they're announcing this so far in advance, but when it happens I really hope he gets to keep the same type of show instead of changing things up to be more "Leno-like".

...who is going to have some angle with Trish Stratus on RAW tonight...

So now we have a French heel tag team AND an Arab terrorist heel tag team. Huzzah!

...yikes...anyways, she teamed with Val Venis at the infamous Over the Edge 1999 PPV...

A Quaqmire classic... Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different. Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells... Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

Girl: You are the weakest link. Goodbye! Stewie: Oh gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link, Goodbye!" I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, um reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show, right? "You are the weakest link, Goodbye!" And yet you've taken that, and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. Gosh, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that by your self. Mmm. That's so fresh, too. Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? Because I'm right here. God you're so funny!

Not really a one-liner, but one of my favorite lines is what he says to Chris when he's giving Stewie ice cream. Stewie: And no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find...I shall kill you.

Dick Armey? Ha! What's your wife's name, Vagina Coast Guard?

"Okay, now you're starting to piss me off..." "Do you like popsicles? I've got LOADS of popsicles down in my cellar." "I've got a tip for you in my pocket. I can't get it because of my arthritis. Why don't you reach in there and fish it out."

I've been REALLY bored with RAW lately, so there's a slight chance I'll get No Mercy, but I really doubt I'll get Taboo Tuesday. Still a pricey tag to get No Mercy, though, especially considering that aside from Kidman vs. London, none of the matches should be that good.

Nigel: I guess I'm the limey bastard who took away your bar...my, isn't this an awkward situation. Peter: You want an awkward situation? One time during sex I called Lois "Frank". Your move, Sherlock.

If you were going to create an indy promotion tomorrow, what kind of one would you make? Would you load up on indy stars like IWA-MS and try and make money through tape/DVD sales? Would you go to an area of the country that has little wrestling or an area where there's already a lot of indy wrestling (like Philly) since there's already a proven audience there? Who would be the top guys you'd want to bring in or have on your shows? I think if I was to start an indy promotion, I'd find a city/area where people don't have much entertainment, and maybe was a college town. I think I'd try and rent out a place where people could drink, and offer drink specials, have the show from like 10-1 on a weekend night, and maybe run twice a month. Have some T&A, some high flying spotfests, some hardcore shit, and some stuff for the smart marks, too, just to make sure the DVDs and tapes would sell on the internet. I kind of like the atmosphere IWS has for their shows, it seems like they consistently draw good, hot crowds of 300-500. How would you guys do it?

This is pretty classic right here.

The nudist boy walks by in the mall. Perverted man: It must be my birthday!