Zack Malibu

Uh... This WAS supposed to be a surprise. Damn hD~! surprise ruiner...

::Hits Calvin with his birthday gnome.::

There's a restaurant near my office called Spain. I've never been there, but I might have to go meet RoyalBlue now. Oooh, you meant the country Spain...what's so great about that place? I'll stick to the U.S., Canada, and the occasional hard-to-pronounce tropical island vacation spots.

Kung Fu: The Legend Continues was the one with his son as a big city cop. It was from the early-mid 90's. Kung Fu (the original) was from the 70's, not the 80's.

::busts out the Runman/Cabbage Patch combo::

I thought you were dissing the guy from Sanford and Son. You're lucky. That Lamont ruled.

Fine. I'll be head usher. I just better not get stuck with one of the unattractive bridesmaids. You can be paired with me. Come on Zack, don't I look adorable in this dress? Save for being able to keep up with my moves on the dance floor, you have nothing else to offer as a date. I asked for poon, not Spoon.

Fine. I'll be head usher. I just better not get stuck with one of the unattractive bridesmaids.

I thought that I'm the best man!?

Holy shit. I'm fucking crying I'm laughing so hard. ABOBO The Groom owns all.

So you're looking to rehash the ending to The Best Man? That was a good flick.

This is true. And it's good for us single guys, since women get 1)emotional and 2)drunk at weddings. Play your cards right, and you'll be hosting FuckFest '03 after the ceremony.

While I'd gladly let Jennifer Connelly bounce from my lap, Kylie had my heart before her. Not at Kotz-like levels, of course, but the affection was there.

Done.

1)My avatar rules. 2)I demand to be best man at this wedding.

I would also like to add that I'd mark out if you ever opened up The PissLine. With ABOBO as an operator. WHAT YOU SAY? ME NO TOUCH DOWN THERE. ABOBO DO IT ONCE AND ALMOST NOT SEE SO GOOD AFTER.

What about a combo? "I see something in your future...your phone bill will be large...large like your big throbbing..." It could work.

Segments due in by Christmas Eve afternoon, as I may get the show up early this week (due to the obvious reasons). Matches include: K-Money challenges TNT to a Tag Title Match...with a mystery partner! Candie takes on Alix of the Acolytes of Northstar! St. Andrew vs. Sly Sommers in the first ever Parental Indiscretion Match, for the OAOAST X Title~! PLUS: OAOAST HeldDOWN~! stars share their holiday memories, and Northstar has a present for our commentators! It's gonna be a big show, guys. Let's get crackin' on it!

You got it.

The funny thing about all this is that I made the Jetson's quip before seeing Astro's posts/sig. I should open up a Psychic Friends hotline.

We've still got a bunch at my store: www.wrestlingsuperstore.com We've got all the VHS too, because I know there are a few we don't have on DVD anymore.

He didn't lose it, he sold it. And the whole thing where he spoofed himself and acted like a big star when he was supposed to be a "superhero" that Norman brought it was gold, and made for a good lower-midcard angle.

Good show with some great matches, namely the Triathalon matchup. Awesome effort by Sly with that one, and Christmas Night should prove to be interesting. The Dama/Crystal feud continued well, Jeremy Red is on the path to either superstardom or death, Rodez and Lyne had a great tag title match with TNT, Calvin continues to straddle the fence between heeldom and facedom, the stipulation for Zack and CWM's LAST MATCH EVER~! got announced, and Coach ogled the women. What more could you have asked for. I'm going with a 9 on this one.

PROPS: Northstar Damaramu MadMatt Zack Malibu Rags Cal Hoff Panther Cucharacha Sly

MC: We are back, and we’re already in the second stage of this exciting Triathelon match, as it’s now the Global Party Exchange vs. St. Andrew and one-half of his following, Nathaniel. COACH: Before the commercial break, the Global Party Exchange made the controversial decision of basically voting off their partner Mad Matt due to the fact that his right leg was still giving him problems, even though he scored the winning pinfall in the first stage! SLY: You know how size doesn’t matter when you can’t walk and are flat out on your back? Neither does experience, and the GPE learned that rather early! Nathaniel and Johnny are in the ring, and Johnny runs the ropes. Nathaniel shoves him off, and Johnny comes back from the other end. Johnny slides underneath Nathaniel’s legs, and Nathaniel goes running. Nathaniel goes a flying headscissors, but Johnny throws him off. However, Nathaniel lands on his feet. Johnny runs to the ropes, and nails his own flying headscissors, sending Nathaniel out to the floor! Johnny then goes to the other end, bounces off of the ropes, and nails a spectacular tope suicida hilo (flip dive from in between the top and middle ropes) onto Nathaniel! Andrew and Scotty then enter the ring, and Scotty runs at Andrew. Andrew grabs Scotty’s arm as he comes at him, expecting to send Scotty running faster the other way, but Scotty reverses the whip, and sends Andrew to the ropes on the other end. But, when Andrew runs back towards Scotty, Scotty leapfrogs over Andrew, and Andrew, running so close to the ropes, ends up having no choice but to perform a tope suicida of his own, onto both Jackson and his own partner, Nathaniel. That leaves Scotty in the ring alone. When all three guys on the floor get to their feet, Scotty runs to the other end, runs back, and nails an incredible no-touch, twisting moonsault tope onto Johnny, Andrew, and Nathaniel! MC: That was incredible! COACH: Marvelous agility by the youngster, Scotty Static! SLY: He’s a dipwad. Scotty gets up, grabs Nathaniel, and shoves him back into the ring. Scotty goes up top, and nails a great guillotine legdrop. He goes for the cover....1.....2...kickout. As Scotty gets up off of Nathaniel, Andrew throws Johnny Jackson into the ringpost head-first. Andrew then slides into the ring, and runs at Scotty. However, Scotty nails him with a beautiful spinning wheel kick. Both men back up, and Scotty lets loose with a bevy of chops, which send Andrew flying back into a corner. Scotty then climbs to the second rope, and goes for a set of ten punches. 1...2....3....4....5...6...7.....8.....9...10! Scotty then jumps to the top rope, jumps up, and falls into a great hurricanrana on Andrew. Scotty goes for another cover....1.....2...Nathaniel breaks it up. Nathaniel then nails Scotty with two forearms to the back of the head. Nathaniel pulls Scotty up, as Andrew gets up under his own power, and Johnny crawls up to the apron. Both members of the Communion whip Scotty to the ropes, but he slides out of the ring, at the same split second that Jackson, in one fluid movement, gets to his feet, springboards to the top rope, and flips onto both Nathaniel and Andrew! MC: Living up to their name, this match has been quite the party for Scotty and Johnny! SLY: It won’t be much of a party in a second! COACH: What are you talking about? SLY: Just watch. Scotty slides back into the ring, and goes after Andrew, as Johnny works over Nathaniel with punches after getting him standing, in the corner. Scotty shoves Andrew into the corner across the ring from the other two. Scotty props Andrew on the top turnbuckle, and Johnny does the same with Nathaniel. They then nail stereo top rope hurricanranas on the Communion, who end up hitting heads in mid-ring. Scotty and Johnny then go to the top rope on the sides that they were on. They point at each other to signal, then come off the top rope with incredible stereo Flying Squirrels! (top rope splash with all limbs extended outward) Andrew and Nathaniel then roll out of the ring, to safety. When they get to their feet, Scotty and Johnny run at the ropes on their side, and nail stereo tope con hilos! COACH: Another incredible acrobatic display by the Global Party Exchange! MC: Indeed. SLY: Well, boys, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go do something. COACH: What’s going on? SLY: Trust me...you’ll dig it. MC: Uh...okay? Sly Sommers leaves the commentary booth with belt in hand, as Johnny throws Nathaniel into the ring, and starts working him over in the corner with a series of kicks. While the referee distracted by that, Scotty gets to his feet. Sly spins him around, and knocks him out cold with a belt shot to the jaw. He rolls Scotty back into the ring, followed by Andrew, and then lays down on his stomach so the referee cannot see him. Andrew then covers Scotty....1......2.....3! Thanks to Sly Sommers’ intereference, Scotty Static’s gotten eliminated very abruptly from this contest! MC: What was the meaning of that? COACH: Well, I thought Sly might have turned a new leaf after the past couple of weeks, but that right there, for no conceivable reason, is uncalled for! Sly quietly leaves the ringside area, as Nathaniel voluntarily leaves his team. FINKEL: In the second stage of this contest, Scotty Static and Minion Nathaniel have been eliminated! MC: It’s now down to Johnny Jackson and St. Andrew. One of these men will receive a shot at Sly Sommers next week, for the X Division Title! COACH: It’ll either be Jackson, who would be going for not only the belt, but for revenge for his partner, who just got jumped and eliminated by Sly unjustly, or Andrew, who feels as if he needs the X Title to use as a grail for his word, whatever it might be. They run mid-ring, and start throwing punches. Jackson ends up dominating, and then whips Andrew to the ropes. Johnny connects with a standing elbow to the jaw. He then nails a jumping fistdrop, and goes for the cover.....1.....2....kickout. Johnny pulls Andrew up, and shoves him into a corner. He then lights Andrew up with a few chops. Andrew then pokes Johnny in the eye, and switches positions. Andrew nails a few chops, but Johnny doesn’t feel them as much. Andrew then goes for a punch, but Johnny blocks it. Johnny then throws a punch of his own, and Andrew goes down. Andrew pops back up, and Johnny flings him into the corner. Johnny grabs his hand, jumps, springs off of the top rope Arabian press-style, and nails a great armdrag. Both men back up, and Jackson nails Andrew with a great dropkick. Andrew goes for the cover.....1.....2.....kickout. Jackson then pulls Andrew up, and whips him off to the ropes. Andrew ducks a clothesline, and comes back with a killer STO takedown. MC: Can’t discredit the evil minister for not having ability in the ring. COACH: But, so far, Jackson’s been bringing the fight! Andrew goes for the cover......1......2.....kickout. Andrew then chokes Jackson, until the referee starts counting Andrew down. Andrew then goes to the second turnbuckle, and comes down with a stinging front elbow drop. He covers again....1......2.....kickout. Andrew then puts his shin over Jackson’s throat, but the referee catches onto the choke early. He makes Andrew break it at the count of four. Andrew pulls Johnny up, and whips him off to the ropes. Andrew then nails a big superkick, square to Johnny’s jaw. Andrew goes for the cover yet again.....1.....2....kickout. Andrew gets up, bounces off of the ropes, and nails a kneedrop across the throat. Andrew then locks in a front cravate. After keeping it cinched in for over fifteen seconds, Johnny starts pumping his fist to get the crowd to clap in unison. They get louder and louder, as Jackson starts moving upwards. He somehow gets to one knee, and then elbows Andrew in the stomach twice in order to get him off. Johnny runs to the ropes, and nails a flying clothesline that sends Andrew down. He then signals for something. MC: This could be big! He pulls Andrew up, and whips him to the ropes. He ducks a punch from Andrew, locks both arms behind Andrew’s head, and brings him down hard with a full nelson slam! He goes for the cover....1.....2...kickout! Jackson cannot believe it! Johnny pulls Andrew up, and locks him in a pump-handle position. COACH: This could be the Beat Drop! MC: That’d be all she wrote! He picks Andrew up, but the momentum sends Andrew over Johnny’s head. Andrew lands on his feet, and thinks fast enough to hook Johnny’s head. He picks him up in the reverse DDT position....and nails The End! He goes for the cover....1...2.....kickout! MC: What the....? COACH: Whoa! Andrew’s upset, but he pulls Johnny up again. He locks him in The End, and pulls him up. However, Johnny lands on his feet behind Andrew, and shoves him to the ropes. Andrew ducks a clothesline, and hooks in a waistlock. He then nails a German suplex, dropping Johnny on the top of his head. He pops up, and jumps behind Johnny, as he’s on his knees from the impact of the suplex, and locks The End in again. He picks Johnny up, and drops him on his head with it! Andrew goes for the cover....1....2....3! Andrew had to drop Johnny on his head three times, twice with his finisher, but he’s done it! St. Andrew pinned both members of the Global Party Exchange, albeit the first under dubious terms, to get a title shot on Christmas night against Sly Sommers! MC: I wonder now, what type of match will it be? COACH: After this match tonight, I don’t care what type of match it’ll be, it’ll be hard-fought! (All of a sudden, Sly Sommers wheels a gigantic wheel to the top of the ramp. He’s got his belt around his waist, and is holding the mic.) SLY: Hey, Andrew! Northstar said I could let you in on what match we’re having next week if I wanted to, and, guess what? I want to! So, just to let you wait more in anticipation, here’s the match choices (spins the wheel with each choice as he goes): we got a Cage match, there’s the I Quit match, the Parental Indiscresion match, which I guess we can find out later, the Iron Man match, I see a Sweet Valley High Street Fight, and finally, the Lumberjack match. And now I spin..... COACH: What will it be? MC: Those are some great choices, I might add, from our great OAOAST fans....(the wheel stops) SLY: And look at that...it’s a Parental Indiscresion match. From what I’ve heard, it’s definately the first of its kind. MC, Coach, could you explain the fine rules of this contest as we go to the commercial break? I know the secretary sent the fax to you guys just now! I gotta go, see ya on Christmas, Scrooge! (Sly leaves, and we pan over to the commentators.) COACH: Well, according to this fax that’s coming up on our teleprompters, here’s how the Parental Indiscresion match will work: there will be various weapons of destruction around the ring that both men will be encouraged to construct various manifestations of mayhem with, and somehow use their opponent’s body to destroy them. Tables, chairs, ladders, you name it. Note that this is NOT a ladder match, but ladders will be involved. The first man to be knocked so senseless that he can no longer go on, which will be measured by the referee in the match in any way he sees fit, is the loser. But, the referee won’t be allowed out of the dressing room until the first ten minutes is up. That’s why it’s called parental indiscresion; the so-called parent of this match, the referee, cannot use his discresion until after the two “children” wreck the toys and each other, much like Christmas morning! MC: Sounds like as soon as Santa goes away Christmas night, the violence will come into play! COACH: It’ll unmatched insanity, on Christmas night, only here on your number one wrestling stop, HeldDOWN~! We will see you next week on our special Holiday Edition, so until then, this is The Coach for my main man Michael Cole, saying see ya next time, here on hD~!