Youth N Asia Posted February 17, 2004 Report Posted February 17, 2004 It's Dr. Smith's first day working at that mental institution. He figures he'll check in on a couple of patiants and get a feel for the place. So he checks into the first door and there's a guy swinging a baseball bat wildly in the air. "As soon as I get out of here I'll be back in the majors, Doc, you'll see!" "I bet you well," says Dr. Smith, and walks on. He checks into the next room and there's a guy jamming away on his guitar. "When I get out I'm putting the band back together and going on tour." "Sounds like a good idea," says Dr. Smith, and he walks onto the next room. When the Doctor opens the door he sees a man laying in bed furiously masturbating into a bag of cashews. Dr Smith stares at him in awe. "And what are you going to do when you get out?" "Get out?" The man asks. "Doc, I ain't ever getting out of here. Can't you see? I'm fuckin' nuts!" *ba-dum-ching!*
Corey_Lazarus Posted February 17, 2004 Report Posted February 17, 2004 ...I'm going to fucking kill you...
Youth N Asia Posted February 17, 2004 Author Report Posted February 17, 2004 ...I'm going to fucking kill you... *lowes head, puts hands in pocket, shrugs, walks away*
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye Posted February 17, 2004 Report Posted February 17, 2004 Please...Die That's the name of the 2003 release by Swedish melodeath metal band Carnal Forge. Check it out.
k thx Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a road and turned into a field.
Guest Bottled Black Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Lets see.. Umm bad jokes... How about this one? 2 peanuts walking down the street 1 was a salted. Get it? get it? assaulted.
Your Paragon of Virtue Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Lets see.. Umm bad jokes... How about this one? 2 peanuts walking down the street 1 was a salted. Get it? get it? assaulted. You screwed up the "salted's" What do you throw out when you need it, and take in when you don't? My Ex-wife! *Ba dum buM CHH* Actually the answer is an anchor, it was in some mensa book. I liked Ex-wife though.
Guest EQ Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 What did one ball say to the other ball? "I really hate that cock who lives upstairs"
k thx Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other "can you smell carrots"?
Ted the Poster Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" A woman comes home from a golf game. "How did it go?" asks her husband. "Pretty well, except I was stung by a bee between the first and second holes", she says. The man strokes his chin and replies "Hmmm... it sounds like your stance is too wide."
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "why the long face?"
Hank Kingsley Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear the one about the deaf man? Neither did he!
k thx Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 What did the Buddhist say to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Guest Choken One Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear the one about the deaf man? Neither did he! I take offense to that buddy...Well not really.
DrainYou42 Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it, but they can't taste it.
BorneAgain Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 My uncle's an alcoholic. My family enrolled him in a pottery class to help him, but it didn't work. He still came home plastered.
NYU Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan. One sausage says "Boy, it's getting hot in here." The other sausage says "OH MY GOD! IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!" and the first sausage says "WHERE?!"
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?"
The Metal Maniac Posted February 18, 2004 Report Posted February 18, 2004 What'd one tampon say to the other? Nothing; they're both stuck-up cunts. What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall? Damn. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsssssh. (This one works much better if you say it outloud) Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One looks at the other and says "So, do you know how to drive this thing?" And finally...How did the tap dancer break his leg? He fell into the sink.
Youth N Asia Posted February 19, 2004 Author Report Posted February 19, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" I prefer. "3 men walk into a bar, the forth one ducked."
Cherry Blossom Viscount Posted February 19, 2004 Report Posted February 19, 2004 Why did the man tip toe past the medicine cabinet? Because there were SLEEPING PILLS inside! Nothing? No? Not even a titter? Tough forum.
Guest Bottled Black Posted February 20, 2004 Report Posted February 20, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" I prefer. "3 men walk into a bar, the forth one ducked." I prefer A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"
The Czech Republic Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 what does a 500-pound parakeet say? CHIRP!!!!
Tawren Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 Three bald guys go to a restaurant. One loudly yells at another to get out his wallet. The man who was yelled at asks why, and the third man says, "too pay!" HA.
Guest Jimbo Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 What kind of cheese isn't yours? NA-CHO CHEESE~! ...that one will never get old
Guest Astro Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 Christians are aganist Homos and Abortions. WTF? Who's having less abortions than Homos??? /Carlin
BifEverchad Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 What did the carpet say to the floor? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don't move -- I've got you covered!
Anakin Flair Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" The alternate version would be: "A man walked into a bar, and it hurt."
DrainYou42 Posted February 21, 2004 Report Posted February 21, 2004 What do you call a sleep walking Nun? A Roman Cathloic.
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now