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Elbarto997

The 'Be Michael Cole' Thread

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"Fans, welcome back to Smackdown! here on U P N! Up next, haha, Mr. McMahon has provided, well, a special treat for all you fans of Smackdown! here on UPN! Led Zeppelin is IN THE HOUSE! Haha, that's right! Hot off of bringing you today's best bands, guys like Saliva, guys like Limp Bizkit, and guys like Motley Crue, its another hot band, Led Zeppelin! I believe they're a lot like Rush, the great classic band, and the guys behind this year's SummerSlam theme! Oh yeah, listen to that, "Summertime Blues", off the new CD! Coming up next, it's Led Zeppelin!"

 

JBL gets a world title shot against new champion John Cena. Hardcore Holly interferes, knocks out Cena, and puts JBL on top for the title win. Do Cole's announcing starting with the referee coming to his senses to make the pin.

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"And the referee's coming to. That damn JBL is going to steal one! 1-2-3! John Bradshaw Layfield has just stolen the World Title from John Cena. And look at that damn Holly! His interference just cost Cena this match. What is his association with this man Layfield?"

 

A tag team of Ivory and Shannon Moore win the tag team titles from Dupree and Suzuki in a First Blood match

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A tag team of Ivory and Shannon Moore win the tag team titles from Dupree and Suzuki in a First Blood match

I don't think we'd hear anything except a small sigh from Michael Cole as he ejaculated.

 

Tazz poops his pants at the announcer's table.

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"Boy, I tell you one thing, partner: your announcing...stinks a little more than usual! Vintage Tazz...pooping his pants right hereon SmackDown! Tazz's poop is, of course, exclusive to SmackDown! and-I'm getting word that Tazz...tonight....your poop is getting a title shot against that damn bully, Spike Dudley! I hope the Dudley Boyz don't come out and bully your poop...or your poop's title dreams will...go down the crapper! HAHAHA(lame-ass Cole laugh)!"

 

Okay, Tazz has dressed up as Michael Cole for the Halloween episode of SmackDown, and then a meteor crashes.

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Tazz, what handsome guy do you think you're supposed to be. (Crash) OH MY GOD!! I believe a meteor has struck the studio here Live.

 

When Led Zeppelin gets ready to perform, JBL comes out and pushes down Paige's microphone, and calls Led Zeppelin a bunch of off-key caterwallers.

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"Oh my! That damn JBL pushed that 300-pound microphone over! And he's cussing Led Zep, Tazz! Someone stop this! That's Jimmy Paige! That's Robert Plant, Tazz! They did that damn groupie with a damn shark corpse! Oh my!"

 

Michael Cole is at the supermarket and is told his coupons are invalid.

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"That damn bully of a WWE Champion Bradshaw absolutely obliterated this kid! Hopefully, this young man will be okay Tazz but dammit, someone has to stop JBL!!! I for one can't wait to see someone knock that smug look off of JBL's face. And that man may be . . . THE UNDERTAKER! What a war that would be Tazz!!!"

 

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Since my last sentence was no sold (bottom of 1st page), here it is again:

 

Macho Man Randy Savage invades Smackdown to call out Nunzio and Johnny the Bull.

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My God Tazz, It's the Macho Man Randy Savage! Someone do something about this here on SMACKDOWN! He's just called out Johnny the Bull and Nunzino!What could this mean?! What is he doing here exclusively on Smackdown?!

What are his intentions for these two outstanding athletes?! This is Vintage Macho Man!

 

 

-Michael Cole and Tazz are calling Josh Heindreich vs. Rico, when out of no where, Hitler returns from the grave, to interrupt the match, and challenge anyone in the lockeroom

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Guest Phenom

Hey, Kerrek, I have tickets to the Survivor Series! Do you want to go?

 

Kerrerk: (kills Cole)

 

If Michael Cole was at WrestleMania I.

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WOW! WRESTLEMANIA IS HERE!!! Ya know Tazz, WrestleMania is the only time of the year that Championship Wrestling and All Star Wrestling Superstars can compete on the same card! The roof will blow off this place when my childhood idol . . . the legendary Liberace makes his entrance with his vintage Rockettes!!!

 

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After much hype, HHH squashes JBL in a Unification Match on SD.

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After much hype, HHH squashes JBL in a Unification Match on SD.

The Game, The Lord And God Of Professional Wrestling, proves his total might with a win over The Naughty Nazi JBL. This truly is a great day for wrestling, as God saves the day once again.

 

----------

 

Heidenreich kidnaps Tazz and rapes him.

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I can't believe this Heidenreich. He's a deranged lunatic. Nobody is safe from this monster!

 

Oh my God, Tazz is in serious trouble here. (grim voice mode) Medics attending to my announcing partner now...who knows what type of internal injuries he sustained after that brutal attack, that vicious assault, by a psychopath Heidenreich.

 

(Medics put the neckbrace on Tazz)

 

 

NEXT: Michael Cole finds a quarter while announcing a 5-star match.

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Guest Phenom

Oh my goodness! A quarter! This is more than I get paid for every sentence I say!

 

....

 

What? Rey Mysterio just 619'd Roddy Piper?

 

Michael Cole is drafted to the RAW brand.

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Welcome to Raw... I'm Michael Cole! This is the ONLY place where you can catch Raw brand exclusive... Michael Cole! Down comes TajEEREEE for his match with Chuck Palumbo... just like on SmackDown! a few months ago! Except with more women, which I enjoy, because I'm not gay... I swear, I'm not. You hear that, Tazz? You hear that, partner! Eat my shit, like it, and rot in SmackDown! hell, motherfucker!

 

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Jimmy Valiant lays on the floor jerking off under a glass table that a hooker is shitting on, when the Rock & Roll Express walks in. Ricky promptly throws up and leaves the room, while Robert stays to watch.

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"Oh my God Tazz! Look at Valiant! He's got a Diva to shit on that table! That's the kind of action you get EXCLUSIVELY on Smackdown! (laughs) And look at Gibson and Morton! They can't believe the exciting action Valiant is unleashing on himself. And Morton's off! (laughs) He can't handle this defecation...but Gibson can! (laughs). Ya know Tazz, if I was there, I'd stay and watch too"

 

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Fifi the poodle urinates on Tazz

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Dog pee! Dog pee! Dog pee! Dog pee! Tazz just peed on! With dog pee! HA HA! This is only the kind of hilarious stuff you see on Smackdown! Oh Tazz, you look ridiculous! HA HA!

 

Michael Cole watches as David Arquette wins the WWE Championship.

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"Look at THIS! JBL is out COLD!!! Wait a minute! David Arquette is starting to crawl towards the champion! You can do it! Just a little further! The ref is starting to come to . . . Oh Look at THIS Tazz! ONE . . . TWO . . . THREE!!! Can you believe what we just saw tonight on Smackdown?!?!? After 6 months of bullying, lying, and cheating, JBL has finally lost the WWE Championship to the star of the acclaimed and revered film Ready to Rumble, David Arquette!!! Hey partner, remember when he was WCW Champion?!? Well, it's gonna be different now because I have just been told that David Arquette is now EXCLUSIVE TO SMACKDOWN!!! WOW!!!!!!!!"

 

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Theodore Long kicks a visiting Superstar Billy Graham out of the building for calling him "Teddy".

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That's not right! That is a legend Theodore Long! You don't do that to legends!!

 

Michael Cole shows his ascend from disgust to joy in this match. JBL faces Eddie Guerrero in a World Title Match. During the end of the match, the ref gets bumped, JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell, and then hits a Powerbomb on Eddie. JBL goes for another Powerbomb, but Jimmy & Robert of Led zep hit the ring for some revenge. Jimmy's got a Guitar. Jimmy taps JBL, he turns around, and Jimmy blasts JBL with the Guitar. Robert trips JBL. Jimmy puts on the ref's shirt, and Robert drapes Eddie's shoulder over JBL, cover, Jimmy counts 3!!! Eddie is the New Champion!

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oh my god tazz! jbl one of our greatest champions and future hall of famers reing of terror is finnally over! and youve gotta love eddie gurrerrou always up to no good! and those led zeplin guys. i tell you one day theyll be inducted into the celebrity section of the wrestlemania hall of fame!

 

jim ross meets little jhonny.

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Welcome back to Smackdown and for those of you who just joined us, Raw announcer good ol JR was an invited guest of that lowlife Paul Heyman and during the break the legendary Jim Ross was subjected to encountering . . . Little Johnny. Without getting too graphic, let's just say I don't think Jim Ross will be back here on Smackdown . . . ever again.

 

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WMXXI's Main Event is announced as Jeff Garcia and Carmella DeCeasar vs. HHH in a Sledgehammer on the Pole Match.

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Guest GreatOne

Welcome to Wrestlemania 21's main event: only on Smackdown, even though it's RAW wrestlers/celebrities.

 

Jeff Garcia, who's thrown for 18000 yards between the NFL, CFL, and XFL together with the most beautiful woman not named McMahon in the world, the lovely Carmella DeCessare in what should be a barnburner as they take on HHH, the man whose held 19 world titles in an amazing 20 year career.

 

Wait here comes Christy, she's siding with HHH. Uh oh she's got the mic.

 

'MY BUTT'S HUNGRY'

 

Wait a minute, here comes John Heidenreich. Wait he's coming after ME!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Undertaker vs Gene Snitsky vs Kane vs Heidenreich in a four-way Michael Cole on a Pole match

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"Bell's gone and were underway in this . . . I can't believe I'm saying this . . . Michael Cole on a Pole Match Tazz! Here I am on top of this 1,200 foot pole attached only to my . . . well, my asshole (laughs)! Anything to get Raw and Smackdown superstars together for this one match! Wait a second, that animal Gene Snitsky and the Big Red Machine Kane are fighting to the back . . . and The Undertaker is out cold. There's that maniacal Heidenreich looking RIGHT AT ME partner! Oh My God, he's climbing the pole!!!

 

HELP! HELP!! HELP!!! TAZZ . . . MR. MCMAHON . . . HEYMAN . . . ANYBODY!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

 

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A recently traded for Gene Snitsky defeats JBL and HHH in a 3-Way Elimination Match to win both titles on Smackdown.

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What the hell? Who is this guy? He has to have a license to wrestle here in the WWE, someone get this wannabe outta here!

 

 

Theodore Long books Rey Mysterio, John Cena, and RVD against the Dudley Boyz & CCC in a match where Mysterio/Cena/RVD compete under wimpy wrestling entertainment rules, and Dudleyz/CCC compete under rules of ECW.

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Guest GreatOne

Uh Snitsky over HHH/JBL?

 

(Hell just paraphrase his glee from Foley's win)

 

'He did it! Snitsky did it! He's come a long way! From wrestling in armories 20 years ago to sleeping in the back of his Ford Fairmont! HELL YEAH Gene Snitsky!!!!!!!!!!!'

 

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The infamous Austin 'you calling me a coward? What?' bit.

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Theodore Long books Rey Mysterio, John Cena, and RVD against the Dudley Boyz & CCC in a match where Mysterio/Cena/RVD compete under wimpy wrestling entertainment rules, and Dudleyz/CCC compete under rules of ECW.

^ Great One you ignored my sentance. So without further a do... Take 2!!!!

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Guest GreatOne

There was REASON I ignored it

 

For one, it took you until I brought up that you missed Snitsky/JBL/HHH to go back and change it.

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