I've Been Out Of The Loop For A Few Years...

[Jonathon 0]

Okay, I stopped watching pro wrestling somewhere around the big Rock/Hogan match at Wrestlemania a few years ago..I'll catch a match or two once a month now, and I'm amazed at what I see. BRADSHAW main eventing?!! Kurt Angle retiring (maybe?)? I'm glad to see that Benoit has had a title reign (or two?), but I've missed so much. Here are probably some stupid questions, but I'm curious to see what's become of the sport that I once loved so passionately..

 

1.What happened to Chris "harvard" nowinski? Is he still wrestling? Is he good?

 

2.Seriously, BRADSHAW is a main eventer?? When did this happen? Does he have legit heat? Can he draw?

 

3. Who are the workhorses of the WWE brand now? Back then it was benoit/guerro/angle. They would completely outshine the rest of the roster, and benoit wasn't even a main eventer then.

 

4. Brock Lesnar quit, but is he back now? Thought I read something in a wrestling magazine...

 

5.Randy Orton- Face or Heel? AND Can he wrestle a match?

 

6. Batista- Face or Heel? And can he wrestle a match?

 

7. What became of the two Tough Enough winners? (they were both guys..) I think it was season 3?

 

8.Where is Vince Russo now?

 

9. Has Rob Van Dam done anything worthwhile in the past couple years? Or is he still doing 4 minute matches with Taijiri?

 

10. Gimme the top 4 wrestlers in each brand. "workrate"wise and "heat-wise".

 

 

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

 

12. What are some of the biggest news items that has rocked the wrestling world (backstage-wise) in the past 2 years? One of the last things I remember was the infamous "Flight from hell" situation where Brock Lesnar and Mr Perfect almost killed the entire flight crew...

 

I know this is asking a lot, but I'd appreciate any answers.

Thanks guys and girls.

[Slickster 0]

1. Post0-concussion syndrome, can't wrestle.

 

2. JBL turned last April, has a lot of heat, but isn't exactly a draw.

 

3. See 2002 list.

 

4. Lesnar isn't with WWE.

 

5. Randy just turned heel and is a passable wrestler.

 

6. Batista is a face and is a GREAT power wrestler.

 

7. Both in OVW, IIRC.

 

8. Praying to God.

 

9. Same old.

[Guest Shadow]

Nowinski basically retired due to multiple concussions and works in the PR department of wwe now.

 

Bradshaw was hand-selected by vince. Initally a bomb character wise, has grown to be the best character in years. Cant draw for shit but no one can and has mass heat.

 

Guerrero/Benoit/Mysterio/Benjamin/London/Akio/Jericho are your workhorses.

 

Brock Lesnar left and hasn't come back and was wanting back but vince said no thanks.

 

Heel from 2003 to Summer 2004 where he had a 2 month world title reign, turned face and it bombed on LEX LUGER levels. Turn heel recently. Can only work a good match with Benoit. Not anyone else.

 

Batista was a heel until late november when became a slight tweener and fully turned face about 1 1/2 months ago. He cant work but is good as hiding weakness.

 

Maven is a low-carder, Nidia is gone from the company. Jackie Gayda is a valet and engaged to Charlie Haas in real life. Matt and Johnny are in OVW. Johnny had a brief run on raw as bischoff's lackey.

 

Russo worked for TNA for a bit, got fired. rehired and fired again. Bitches alot over the net about us being stupid. Hired for one day by wwe and fired before lunch time.

 

RVD? he mainly has exchanged tag partners from Booker T to Kane to Mysterio. No real singles push and is on the shelf with leg injury.

 

Raw

Triple H

Batista

Benoit

HBK

 

Smackdown

JBL

Angle

Cena

Guerrero

 

Snitsky. but for the wrong reasons. A mass cult icon around here. Benjamin's the "future" as most of us are concerned.

 

Brock Lesnar leaving. 24/7 deal. WWE Films. Lita cheated on Matt Hardy with Edge. Jericho punked out Goldberg backstage. Bret Hart/Flair/Foley had a nasty war last year when flair's book came out. WWE leaving the Viacom machine.

[razazteca 0]

10. HHH and his puppets.

 

11. Chris Masters really really really sucks

 

12. Like OMG WWE is losing its tv contracts!!!!!1111

[Taker666 0]

2.Seriously, BRADSHAW is a main eventer?? When did this happen? Does he have legit heat? Can he draw?

I bet you never thought that some jobber named the ringmaster or Rocky Maivia would ever become legit main-eventers.

 

seriosuly though, JBL has actually become a pretty acceptable main-eventer. hes getting tons of heel heat out there. picked up his game in the ring, and has actually had a really entertaining title run. better than Guerrero and Benoit as a matter of fact. when they started pushing him as a Main-eventer last year, I was really against it, but the WWE and Bradshaw proved us wrong. I think his charater is a welcome addition to the Main-Event scene. he plays the role real well. hes just great a what he does. sometimes, I forget he was the same Bradshaw from the APA.

 

hes currently one of my top 5 in the WWE right now. and the JBL/Cena feud is my 2nd fav feud right now.(behind HBK/Angle)

[Team Angle Pusher 0]

Edge has turned Heel and has a great character. Muhammed Hassan plays a modern version of Iron Shiek with tremendous mic skills. Simon Dean (Nova from ECW) has a stupid gimmick and has been used terribly. Lance Storm has retired and Tommy Dreamer too (nooo). Test and Albert (A-Train) have been released. DDP, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Sting and Randy Savage have all appeared in NWA-TNA. Goldberg has had a brief run in the WWE. Mr. Perfect and the Big Bossman have passed away, RIP. Shannon Moore has been in a car accident. Edge screwed Lita for real and now Matt Hardy and Lita have broken up. Kane is married to Lita on-screen. Lita had a baby with Kane but Gene Snitsky (who just debuted on that show) hit Kane from behind with a chair and Kane fell onto Lita and the baby was dead, haha. JBL's mic skills are awesome. HHH is a 10-time World Champion. We have had three Elimination Chambers matches and they all happened after WM X-8. Shawn Michaels won the first one, HHH the second and the third. BATISTA RULES

[The Czech Republic 0]

I bet you never thought that some jobber named the ringmaster or Rocky Maivia would ever become legit main-eventers.

Fuck this "whoda thunk the Ringmaster winned teh belt!" shit already. Steve Austin was a pretty strong component of the early 90s WCW midcard with the Dangerous Alliance and Hollywood Blondes. Far from just some jobber.

[Dimensions 0]

Don't forget the Rock officially parting ways with the company for now.

[Art Sandusky 0]

1.What happened to Chris "harvard" nowinski? Is he still wrestling? Is he good?

Christopher Nowinski was snapped in half by Scott Steiner in an April 2003 in-ring debate.

 

2.Seriously, BRADSHAW is a main eventer?? When did this happen? Does he have legit heat? Can he draw?

As long as he's got that video of Vince telling Kevin(?) Walchoz to drop to his knees and give him a college handshake, WWE will insist that all of your questions are to be answered "yes."

 

3. Who are the workhorses of the WWE brand now? Back then it was benoit/guerro/angle. They would completely outshine the rest of the roster, and benoit wasn't even a main eventer then.

Val Venis had a much-ignored 75 minute chain wrestling clinic with an indy worker at an event in Moline, IL just last week.

 

4. Brock Lesnar quit, but is he back now? Thought I read something in a wrestling magazine...

Brock Lesnar died on the way back to his home planet.

 

5.Randy Orton- Face or Heel? AND Can he wrestle a match?

Orton is capable of decent to pretty good matches on his own, and can look great with great people. His current alignment is Frat Boy Caveman. It's up to YOU, the viewer, to decide if that's good or bad.

 

6. Batista- Face or Heel? And can he wrestle a match?

Big ol' meaty face, and he's less skilled than Orton while being way more over. His offense is great fun to watch when he's just totally dominating someone else.

 

7. What became of the two Tough Enough winners? (they were both guys..) I think it was season 3?

They appeared on Raw once as a team, John was Johnny Nitro for a month or two and played Bischoff's assistant before he was shuttled out for losing a match to someone, can't remember who. Matt is starring in full-length adult films as "The Flava."

 

8.Where is Vince Russo now?

There was no Russo. Chris Kreski was found, alive and well, 8,000 miles away.

 

9. Has Rob Van Dam done anything worthwhile in the past couple years? Or is he still doing 4 minute matches with Taijiri?

He's moved to Smackdown, but hasn't done anything of note since nearly collapsing HHH's windpipe in the Elimination Chamber at Survivor Series 2002. I hear he's lined up for a push in the upcoming North American Light-Heavycruiser Division.

 

10. Gimme the top 4 wrestlers in each brand. "workrate"wise and "heat-wise".

I don't give a crap about workrate as long as they entertain me, so here's my four from each.

 

Raw: Benoit, Shelton Benjamin, The Coach (savior of the human race since August 2003), and... hmm... I'll say Shawn Michaels.

 

Smackdown: Cena, JBL, Eddie, and Carlito Caribbean Cool.

 

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

If you want to count Shelton Benjamin as a "new guy", then I say him. And he's from O-burg. You KNOW that sucka's hard.

 

12. What are some of the biggest news items that has rocked the wrestling world (backstage-wise) in the past 2 years? One of the last things I remember was the infamous "Flight from hell" situation where Brock Lesnar and Mr Perfect almost killed the entire flight crew...

These are the stories that the internet went nuts over, off the top of my head.

Vince tears both quads.

Lita cheats on Matt Hardy with Edge.

Lesnar leaves WWE for a shot at the NFL.

Paul London took a dump once.

[Dark Age 0]

10. Gimme the top 4 wrestlers in each brand. "workrate"wise and "heat-wise".

 

Best Wrestlers:

SD - Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio and Paul London

 

Raw - Chris Benoit, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho (I guess) and Edge (?)

 

No one really stands out on Raw.

 

Most Over:

SD - Eddie Guerrero, John Cena, Rey Mysterio and JBL (maybe?) (Angle at times, but, until recently (JBL feud) he's been the least over he's ever been)

 

Raw - Batista, Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels and Triple H

 

I bet you never thought that some jobber named the ringmaster or Rocky Maivia would ever become legit main-eventers.

 

Rocky and Austin didn't get shit on in the midcard for years. They didn't get countless pushes which got shit on (Rock had one).

 

 

seriosuly though, JBL has actually become a pretty acceptable main-eventer. hes getting tons of heel heat out there. picked up his game in the ring, and has actually had a really entertaining title run. better than Guerrero and Benoit as a matter of fact. when they started pushing him as a Main-eventer last year, I was really against it, but the WWE and Bradshaw proved us wrong. I think his charater is a welcome addition to the Main-Event scene. he plays the role real well. hes just great a what he does. sometimes, I forget he was the same Bradshaw from the APA.

 

STUPID STUPID STUPID. He, actually, hasn't had a better reign than Guerrero and Benoit, but you know why you think that? Because JBL is at the top of the card. Benoit was an afterthought to the constant Triple H ego-fuck. Guerrero had to put JBL over. When he was still "just Bradshaw".

[Jobber of the Week 0]

Chris Harvard got injured.

 

Bradshaw is simply Vince's pet project, his character of being DiBiase 2005 really wasn't that bad an idea as an obnoxious heel but it was immediately thrust into the main event and quickly overexposed. Plus, he went from bragging about his wealth to winning the title in a blowoff to a racism angle of all things, with him as the racist. Yikes.

 

Benoit is still kicking ass, Shawn can be decent when he actually wants to be, nobody else is really allowed to do anything special.

 

Brock Lesnar faded away with a match VS Goldberg, whose WWE career was a shitfest-sized dud. They put on what may be the worst WM match ever, beating UT VS Gonzalez in non-workrate. Both guys were leaving the day after, so it didn't matter who won, neither guys wanted to bust ass for the audience, and Vince probably flipped a coin to decide who won.

 

Orton is currently being flipped from face to heel like Big Show in 2000. He's current a bad guy because he wants to fight Undertaker, and they've tried to cement that a bit by having him beat on women. Of course, once WM is over and Orton is back facing Raw wrestlers, who knows whether he'll stay a heel, because his feud against HHH isn't exactly THAT old.

 

Batista is nothing more than the latest wall for HHH to tear down, but crowds really do enjoy watching him fling men around like dolls.

 

Nobody from Tough Enough ever becomes anything, you should know this by now. They did do a Tough Enough 4 live on Smackdown, that was a disaster as they had guys who didn't know shit and would no-sell the Big Show in front of the live crowd, exposing the business for all.

 

Russo found Jesus.

 

RVD isn't doing anything special, but he also isn't the most charasmatic or over guy on the roster anymore, either.

 

I'm a poor judge of workrate. Basically, the theory was proved correct that people WILL react for Benoit if he's played as a tough-as-nails serious threat. Eddy Guererro still gets a ton of crowd heat even though he's been shuffled down to the midcard following WM20.

 

New guys on the scene? Uh, haha? The only new guy on the scene that blew anyone away was Marty frikkin' Janetty.

 

As for "big" news, Rock is basically gone for good now, Austin couldn't cut it in Hollywood and is mooching to Vince for roles, Lesnar didn't make it as a Minnesota Viking and wants out of his no-compete clause, Lita fucked Edge and Matt Hardy made a public spectacle out of it, Vince tore both his quads in one little accident that didn't even look that damaging on TV, Hogan just won't ever go away, Piper came in and did his thing and then fucked over his own chances and got kicked out to get recognized in the hall of fame two years later, and Scott Steiner went from feuding with HHH to feuding with Test in four months.

[Guest Coffey]

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

Personally, I'm a big fan of Muhammad Hussan. He's not the best in-ring worker, but he's a great talker and getting a lot of heat. His manager/sidekick Daivari is getting even more heat.

 

Not to mention, Hussan's been finishing with the Camel Clutch, and I mark out for that move.

[notJames 0]

7. I'm pretty sure no once mentioned this yet, but Johnny Nitro, one of the last TE winners, is slated to come up from the minors with indie wrestler Joey Matthews (no relation to former TE winner and Velocity announcer Josh Matthews, as far as I know) as a tag team called MNM. The other "M" is for their manager Melina.

[SuperJerk 0]

Okay, I stopped watching pro wrestling somewhere around the big Rock/Hogan match at Wrestlemania a few years ago..I'll catch a match or two once a month now, and I'm amazed at what I see.

 

Raw has become "The Triple H Show" and Smackdown's just another bad UPN sitcom.

[Guest Loss]

Benoit is Benoit, so he'll never be bad, but when are people going to accept reality that he's slipped so far below what he once was? A few people have taken to calling him Fat Elvis, actually. Rarely does anyone point out that he's long past his prime. Try watching something from him 10 years ago, and then follow it with something he's done this year, and you'll see what I mean.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Eh, I put him down because he still entertains me more than most others. His uneven arm lengths are starting to bother me.

[Mystery Eskimo 0]

Sure Benoit is past his prime. He's nearly 40. I don't think anyone would suggest he's at his peak but he's still the best guy on Raw.

[SuperJerk 0]

Benoit looks like an Oompa-Loompa on steriods, but he's still one of the best in the business.

 

edit: Why are we talking about Benoit all of a sudden?

Edited March 30, 2005 by RobotJerk

[Open the Muggy Gate 0]

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

Personally, I'm a big fan of Muhammad Hussan. He's not the best in-ring worker, but he's a great talker and getting a lot of heat. His manager/sidekick Daivari is getting even more heat.

 

Not to mention, Hussan's been finishing with the Camel Clutch, and I mark out for that move.

I KNEW there had to be someone else out there who liked Hassan besides me.

[Kahran Ramsus 0]

1.What happened to Chris "harvard" nowinski? Is he still wrestling? Is he good?

 

ANSWER: He was injured at some point a couple of years ago and hasn't returned. I think he had to retire.

 

2.Seriously, BRADSHAW is a main eventer?? When did this happen? Does he have legit heat? Can he draw?

 

ANSWER: He under went a complete character transformation last year and became a rich Texan stereotype. He gets tons of heat and isn't a great draw, but isn't noticebly worse than whatever RAW is doing. Some people around here actually love the guy now, and I'm one of them. Very entertaining, and his ringwork is steadily improving.

 

3. Who are the workhorses of the WWE brand now? Back then it was benoit/guerro/angle. They would completely outshine the rest of the roster, and benoit wasn't even a main eventer then.

 

ANSWER: They are Benoit, Guerrero, Angle & Rey Misterio. Nothing much has changed here, other than Rey coming in in the summer of 2002.

 

4. Brock Lesnar quit, but is he back now? Thought I read something in a wrestling magazine...

 

ANSWER: He quit to join the NFL, but he was too bad for even the Minnesota Vikings, and refused to go to NFL Europe. He tried coming back but Vince wouldn't give him the time off he wanted so now he's suing him. Don't expect to see him back any time soon as practically everyone in the company hates him. Kind of the like Jeff Jarrett.

 

5.Randy Orton- Face or Heel? AND Can he wrestle a match?

 

ANSWER: He got semi-over as a heel last year, then turned face to win the World Title at Summerslam and flopped miserably to the point that he was getting heavily booed in his feud against HHH. He tried to work a face-face feud with Undertaker for Mania, but the negative reaction to him was so overwhelming they had to do a quicky heel turn. Now he needs shoulder surgery that will put him out for a few months. He has almost no charisma whatsoever, but he's an okay worker.

 

6. Batista- Face or Heel? And can he wrestle a match?

 

ANSWER: He was a heel for years, but by this fall was getting the most face heat in the company because he looked so strong and was actually a threat to HHH. He turned face a month ago after winning the Royal Rumble and choosing to face HHH at Mania (then beating the crap out of HHH & Flair). He's easily the most over wrestler on the roster, and his segments have drawn noticebly better ratings than anything else the company is doing. His big face turn was the highest rated segment in years for RAW. He's not the greatest wrestler in the world, but he's not terrible.

 

7. What became of the two Tough Enough winners? (they were both guys..) I think it was season 3?

 

ANSWER: They floundered around as a tag team for awhile on Smackdown before being sent down to OVW. John got promoted to RAW for a little bit as Johnny Nitro who was Bischoff's lackey, but he got sent back down to OVW following a job to Eugene.

 

8.Where is Vince Russo now?

 

ANSWER: I don't know and I don't want to know.

 

9. Has Rob Van Dam done anything worthwhile in the past couple years? Or is he still doing 4 minute matches with Taijiri?

 

ANSWER: He tagged with Kane to win the Tag Titles, then he got beat by Kane after they broke up. Then he tagged with Booker to win the Tag Titles, and got beat by him after they were traded to Smackdown and broke up. Then he teamed with Rey to win the Tag Titles, and got injured and we haven't seen him since. Basically he's stuck on a treadmill.

 

10. Gimme the top 4 wrestlers in each brand. "workrate"wise and "heat-wise".

 

ANSWER:

 

Heatwise Smackdown: JBL, Eddy Guerrero, Undertaker, John Cena

Workrate Smackdown: Eddy Guerrero, Rey Misterio, Kurt Angle, Paul London

Heatwise RAW: Batista, HHH, Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit

Workrate RAW: Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, Edge

 

Generally speaking, Smackdown has the better wrestlers, RAW has the bigger stars.

 

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

 

ANSWER: Shelton Benjamin is a fantastic wrestler who just missed out on my top 4 for workrate on RAW. Batista as mentioned has become the most popular star in the company. John Cena has gotten great reactions too.

 

12. What are some of the biggest news items that has rocked the wrestling world (backstage-wise) in the past 2 years? One of the last things I remember was the infamous "Flight from hell" situation where Brock Lesnar and Mr Perfect almost killed the entire flight crew...

 

ANSWER: Brock Lesnar quits WWE two weeks before Wrestlemania XX is probably the biggest.

[haws bah gawd 0]

1.What happened to Chris "harvard" nowinski? Is he still wrestling? Is he good?

 

Didn't he get the concussion during a hardcore match with Tommy Dreamer?

 

2.Seriously, BRADSHAW is a main eventer?? When did this happen? Does he have legit heat? Can he draw?

 

I don't buy JBL for one second as a credible champion, but I at least respect the guy. If given the right opponent, he can and will bust his ass all over the ring to put on a very entertaining brawl.

 

3. Who are the workhorses of the WWE brand now? Back then it was benoit/guerro/angle. They would completely outshine the rest of the roster, and benoit wasn't even a main eventer then.

 

Paul London's skills are basically forcing WWE to recognize and push him. He has had several ****+ matches against Akio on Velocity, who is also an excellent cruiserweight as well. Benoit, Eddy, and Angle can still carry a broomstick to a *** match, and HBK along with the soon-returning Marty Jannety can still put on great matches.

 

4. Brock Lesnar quit, but is he back now? Thought I read something in a wrestling magazine...

 

I believe Brock will be back sooner or later, but I think Vince is playing hardball with him at the moment.

 

5.Randy Orton- Face or Heel? AND Can he wrestle a match?

 

Benoit carried Orton to 2 EXCELLENT matches this past Summer. Though it didnt have a clean finishb, the RAW rematch after Summerslam, IMO, was far away better than the Summerslam match, and worth tracking down.

 

6. Batista- Face or Heel? And can he wrestle a match?

 

Batista is the fucking man. He can cut a respectable promo, and like everyone else has said, he is an excellent power wrestler, and does a great job of hiding his own weaknesses.

 

7. What became of the two Tough Enough winners? (they were both guys..) I think it was season 3?

 

John Hennigan was Bischoff's apprentice on RAW for a while under the names Johnny Blaze (name dropped because of copyright infringment from Marvel Comics), Johnny Spade, and finally Johnny Nitro, complete with the old WCW Nitro theme for entrance music. He is probably returning soon as part of a tag team called MNM.

 

Matt Capotelli was supposed to return sometime last year, and feud over the cruiserweight title, but Bob Holly gave him a concussion at an OVW show, and those plans went out the window.

 

8.Where is Vince Russo now?

 

As stated before, he is a Born-Again Christian, and wants no part of the wrestling business.

 

9. Has Rob Van Dam done anything worthwhile in the past couple years? Or is he still doing 4 minute matches with Taijiri?

 

RVD was pretty much just going through the motions in all his matches. Hopefully he gets a respectable push when he returns from the knee inury.

 

10. Gimme the top 4 wrestlers in each brand. "workrate"wise and "heat-wise".

 

RAW

Benoit

Benjamin

HBK

Jericho

 

Smackdown!

Eddy Guerrero

Rey Jr.

Angle

London/Akio

 

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

 

While not necessarily new, but since they are finally being given a chance to shine, Shelton Benjamin, Paul London, and Akio are fantastic workers.

 

12. What are some of the biggest news items that has rocked the wrestling world (backstage-wise) in the past 2 years? One of the last things I remember was the infamous "Flight from hell" situation where Brock Lesnar and Mr Perfect almost killed the entire flight crew...

 

Nothing that hasnt already been covered.

[AlaskanHero 0]

11. Any new guys on the scene that have absolutely BLOWN you guys away?

 

A new guy I like, is Eugene. His gimmick hurts him in ring (he's a retard, literally), but he makes up for it with his funny antics. At least for me, he makes it up with his antics. William Regal did a good job in his role and Nick Dinsmore did a good job in being a mentally handicapped person.

[benoit4hor 0]

VISCERA IS BACK!

[SuperJerk 0]

Anybody told the Katie Vick story yet?

[Jericholic82 0]

Anybody told the Katie Vick story yet?

no but I will, for you,

 

 

from wrestlecrap.coms feature on the katie vick saga

 

 

The year 2002 was not a good year for wrestling.

 

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin left WWE after a falling out with the creative department. The Rock headed for Hollywood. Hulk Hogan fulfilled his contractual obligations and went home. Buyrates plummeted, ratings were in a freefall, and wrestling became a decididely un-cool thing to watch.

 

Vince McMahon knew he had to do something drastic to bring back viewers. So he concocted one of the most outlandish, idiotic, and insulting storylines of all time.

 

Surely that would make people come back. Right? RIGHT?!

 

The angle started off horribly enough, with HHH accusing Kane of being a mur-diddly-urder-er!

 

Kane is shocked and/or appalled by Hunter's claim. It's kind of hard to tell with that mask on, you know.

 

 

 

Backstage, Nipples befriends Kane, urging the Big Red Machine to go out and tell the fans the truth. Inspired by her gravity defying melons, the big guy agrees and heads to the ring.

 

The evil dentist turned Kevin Nash wannabe turned burn victim begins to relate his side of things. You see, he didn't kill her. He just couldn't drive a stick shift. Oh, and he swerved to avoid a small animal in the road.

 

It was all just a big mistake!

 

Suddenly, that no good son of an American blueblood comes out to once again spoil the party, this time claiming that Kane not only murdered Katie Vick, but raped her rotting corpse as well!

 

 

 

The Game claimed to have footage of the incident, and decided to air it on the next episode of Raw.

 

As I look at the disclaimer to the left, I believe that the word "some" should be replaced by the word "all".

 

Oh, and "Discretion" should be replaced by "Changing the Channel."

 

Cue the "footage" from 1992, of Katie lying in her casket at the funeral home.

 

 

 

In comes "Kane", obviously Hunter under a mask, who begins arguing with "Katie" (a mannequin) about the cause of her death. Then he suddenly goes bi-polar, and proclaims his undying love.

 

All this would have been creepy enough, but suddenly, "Katie" tells "Kane" that he wants him.

 

In the SEX kind of way.

 

"Kane" then proceeds to grope the dead girl's boobies...

 

 

 

...and remove her panties, stopping to take a whiff.

 

Yeah, this isn't offensive or anything.

 

"Kane" then strips buck nekked, hops in the casket, and slips her the salami.

 

In the afterglow, he proceeds to proclaim some weird sort of carnal victory, followed by the single dumbest line ever to be muttered on a pro wrestling show.

 

"Kane" then threw some noodles and spaghetti sauce at the camera.

 

 

 

Still, there must be at least ONE person on the planet who thought it was funny.

 

The real Kane was so enraged about this that during the main event of the evening, he waited outside the ring for a tag. He was going to kill HHH, but by God, he was going to do it while abiding to the rules of tag team wrestling!

 

Rest assured that he held the tag rope. He held that tag rope TIGHT, in a FURIOUS manner.

 

 

 

Finally, at the end of the show, he threw Hunter in the trunk of his car, promising to screw him when he was dead.

 

I guess that was supposed to be some weird ironic payback.

 

To me, though, it just smacked of gay.

 

Hunter, though, crafty as can be, slipped out of the trunk of the car.

 

 

 

The angle continued on despite the fact that the fans REALLY hated it. The next week, HHH brought a casket to ringside. Inside the coffin was everyone's favorite CPR dummy turned pro wrestling character, Katie Vick.

 

Hunter gently lifted the dead cheerleader out of the casket, giving Jerry Lawler a thrill as the camera caught a glimpse of her panties.

 

 

 

He then brought her into the ring, and did the worst ventriliquist act in the history of man. Somewhere, Sherri Lewis was rolling over in her grave.

 

As if this wasn't horrendous enough, "Katie" had to compliment HHH on being a stud and talk about Kane's genital ineptitude.

 

You know, if you need to have a MANNEQUIN, voiced by YOURSELF, put over your bedroom prowess, you just MIGHT have an ego problem.

 

He also railed against those who said the angle was in bad taste (basically the rest of the world).

 

But this time, it wasn't HHH doing the ventriliquist work. It was obvious that in this instance, Vince had his hand up Hunter's ass, telling him exactly what to say to his detractors.

 

The fun wasn't over quite yet, as Kane's buddy Hurricane claimed to have footage of what really happened after HHH was locked in the trunk.

 

Let's head over to the "local hospital" where HHH (in reality a guy with a Hunter cut outs for a face) had objects removed from his anal cavity.

 

 

 

And what did they pull out of HHH's rectum? Why a HAND, of course.

 

When you're stealing jokes from Mae F***ing Young, it's time to hang it up.

 

This all led up to one more idiotic punchline, as the crack medical squad pulled Hunter's head out of his ass.

 

Too bad no one pulled Vince's out of his.

 

 

 

 

And you know the saddest part of all? Vince McMahon, the mastermind behind the angle, was SHOCKED when ratings plummeted. He was sure that this would be the angle that got people talking, and once again watching Raw.

 

It didn't. And still, two years later, Vince has yet to figure out how to get the company to rebound.

 

 

 

-------------------Soundbites (well no sound here just the lines)-------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

HHH: "How happy is Katie Vick? That's right, I know it all. Ten years ago, you killed her! You are a MURDERER!!"

 

Kane: "Katie Vick was a friend of mine and Katie Vick is dead. But I didn't kill her. It was an accident. I am NOT a murderer!"

 

Fake Kane: "What's that? Now that you're dead, you want me? Oh, I'm going to! I'm going to give you what you always wanted, Katie!"

 

Fake Kane: "I really did it. I really did! I screwed your brains out!"

 

HHH: "Well Katie, it's nice to finally meet you after all this time."

"Katie": "Well it's nice to meet you too, Triple H. And let me tell you something - good God are you sexy!"

 

"Katie": "Well it turns out that Kane had a...Kane had a...a burnt little weiner."

 

HHH: "If you were seriously offended, I seriously don't give a damn. If you didn't like it, you can kiss my ass! I will do what I want to do, when I want to do it!"

 

Not Spoken, but Somehow Heard: "Because I'm Vince McMahon, Damn It!"

[Jericholic82 0]

did someone mention the al wilson storyline?

 

if not heres the wrestlecrap writeup

 

 

You know, life is funny sometimes. This week, I went back and did the "lost" 2001 Gooker Award Winner, the infamous InVasion catastrophe. Just doing the research for that made me so angry that I very nearly said to hell with watching WWF/E forever. It really was that infuriating, and if you don't believe me, just head over there and read it for yourself.

 

But then I looked over the poll results for the winner of the 2003 Gooker Award...and I smiled. And I laughed.

 

I laughed so loudly, in fact, that my wife came into the room to see what was wrong. With tears in my eyes, I poined to the screen, where a senior citizen was standing in a wrestling ring wearing only his Fruit of the Looms was about to marry a 20-something brunette beauty. After about thirty seconds of watching the proceedings, she looked at me, bewildered, and asked, "What the hell is this?"

 

I was able to stop laughing just long enough to utter two words:

 

"It's WrestleCrap."

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ah, Al Wilson.

 

Al was an elderly man, introduced to Smackdown viewers as Torrie Wilson's father. That was it. There was no controversy. There was no storyline. There was no incest. Just a guy and his daughter on TV. Most fans at home probably thought it was just a one-time appearance as a favor to Torrie, who had just appeared in Playboy and was one of the hottest Divas WWE had.

 

But the next week, for no apparent reason, Al showed up again. And again. Hmmm...that's weird. Why was this old geezer back? And why is Dawn Marie giving him the eye?

 

It was soon very apparent what was going on. Dawn was jealous of Torrie's fame, and had concocted a plan to get back at her.

 

That's right, she started coming on to Pappy.

 

At first, it was just a glance or a hug...but it didn't take long until they were neckin' like two teenagers. Soon enough they were cavorting about the shower together, buck nekked! (Well, to be fair, Dawn was naked, but Al was fully dressed. Perhaps no one had ever explained the basic procedure for using a shower to Al, or maybe he was just so senile that he forgot he was supposed to disrobe. Whatever the case might be, there they were, dripping wet and ready to party as Torrie walked in.)

 

Al was in heaven. And knowing that he soon might literally be in heaven, he knew that time was of the essence; it was time to pop the question. "Dawn," he mushmouthed, "will you marry me?" Shockingly enough, Dawn agreed to become Mrs. Wilson.

 

None of this made any sense. In fact, it couldn't have made less sense. The whole world wanted to know: just why was Dawn with Al? What reason could there possibly be for this sexpot to be hooking up with a man old enough to be her father?

 

If you said, "because she wanted to swap vaginal juices with his daughter", step up and collect your prize.

 

Yep, that's what it was. Dawn revealed the shocking truth to Torrie: Al wasn't the only Wilson she wanted. No, she also wanted Torrie herself! Dawn gave Torrie an ultimatum - she would call off the wedding if Torrie would accept her invitation to a cootchie kissin' poontang party. In an effort to "save" her father from nights of unbridled passion with a woman half his age, Torrie agreed to Dawn's indecent proposal.

 

Poor Al was heartbroken. Why would his fiance forsake nights of Geritol-fueled passion in favor of slurping away on Torrie's tuna taco? He couldn't understand it. Just as things looked most bleak for our hero, Dawn explained that while she did spend the night with Torrie, everytime she looked in Torrie's eyes, she saw Al. And she loved him.

 

Al was touched..and the wedding was on. True to her word, Dawn showed up on Smackdown to be wed to her loving husband. Not only that, she was going to do it IN THE BUFF. That's right, it was time for pro wrestling's first ever naked wedding. Despite the protests of Stephanie McMahon, Dawn slithered out of her wedding gown and down to her bra and panties.

 

As if that weren't exciting enough, the bride dropped yet another bombshell - Al was going to get naked too! And sure enough, Al dropped his trousers, standing proudly mid-ring in his whitey tighties for all the world to see. Amazingly, no one objected, and the new Mr. & Mrs. Wilson were introduced to the world. Al and his new bride celerated the sacred occasion by dropping to the mat and dry humping.

 

There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

 

It would get even more absurd during their honeymoon, which was, of course, televised to the world. After numerous love making sessions, poor Al finally collapsed into bed. He collapsed, alright - he collapsed right into DEATH ITSELF.

 

 

 

Yes, poor Al Wilson was DEAD.

 

I think I speak for all red-blooded American men when I state that when I go, I'd like it to be from a sexual overdose at the hands (and other body parts) of a 25-year old hot piece of ass.

 

Dawn was devastated. Wearing a black gown that would make Elvira blush, the widow explained how Al was her entire life, and how it was his wish to have his wake televised. Torrie, of course, showed up to the funeral and had the audacity to blame Dawn Marie for killing her father. Dawn was so upset about these allegations that she broke an urn over Torrie's head, which lead to the first ever Mother-In-Law vs. Daughter-In-Law match up at the Royal Rumble. Torrie won the match, but in a way, we were all winners.

 

After all, Al Wilson was dead.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I have to admit, as idiotic as this entire angle was, I absolutely could not help but die laughing during parts of it, the wedding ceremony in particular. It was just so over the top stupid that no one could possibly take it seriously, and it wasn't like it involved main event wrestlers or anything. It was two girls who weren't doing much in a stupid angle that everyone acknowledged was stupid. Even Tazz and Michael Cole, the Smackdown announce team, would make fun of it. It was like everyone knew it was dumb and instead of hiding that fact, they reveled in the idiocy of it all. Just seeing Al dancing around in his underwear was hysterical, one of the funniest/stupidest things I have ever seen in the wrestling business.

 

People often think that WrestleCrap has to be something so horrible that it hurt the business, that it killed off fan interest. And while this whole fiasco was indescribably horrible, it was also a whole hell of a lot of fun.

 

And rest assured, it was most definitely WrestleCrap

[Jericholic82 0]

and just because heres the 2004 gooker winner The raw diva search of 2004

 

 

 

WWE, 2004

 

Amazing.

 

There's really no other word for it.

 

How else could you describe the fact that a contest featuring half naked and incredibly hot women was somehow so tragically horrible that the readers of this very site voted it the very worst in wrestling for 2004? Readers, who, mind you, are predominantly heterosexual (and therefore most assuredly horny) males!

 

Amazing.

 

It's not that the women involved weren't smoking. They were. I mean, hell, you had Playboy Playmates and Maxim models and Miss Hawaiian Tropics and Man Show Juggy Dancers.

 

JUGGY DANCERS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

 

Somehow, not even the power of the Juggies couldn't stop over 3,000 of you for casting your votes and thus making the WWE Diva Search the 2004 Gooker Award Winner.

 

 

 

Not that I'm arguring - the Search was abysmal on almost every level, from the skits to the in-ring activities to the horrid promos the girls cut. You wouldn't think it would be hard for beautiful women to entertain us, yet somehow it was. Maybe the women were just too skanky for their own good.

 

Still, if we are to believe Kevin Dunn, WWE executive vice president of television production, it wasn't supposed to be this way. It was, in his own words, going to be "classy."

 

Stop laughing. I'm telling the truth!

 

"It's easy to go lowbrow," Dunn explained in a press release prior to the contest. "That's not where we're going with our product in general, or this search. We'll be fighting our image for 50 years, because there's 50 years (of tradition) before us, and we understand that. We want someone we can put on a pedestal here and who can represent the WWE in a classy - I wouldn't say sophisticated - but a classy, nice manner."

 

Let's just see how classy things turned out, shall we?

 

The contest featured all manner of ho bag and Jezebel out to stake their claim on the quarter million dollar prize for becoming the next Raw Diva.

 

No doubt this pleased the current crop of WWE Divas, since they were making a hell of a lot less than that, and doing a hell of a lot more.

 

Like any other beauty contest, each Diva wannabe would regale us with stories of who they were and why they wanted to be a Diva. I'm surprised none of them claimed they wanted to be on Vince's payroll to somehow help bring about world peace.

 

Here Carmella explains her best trait: her personality.

 

That's all well and good, and if she truly believes it, God bless her, but I swear I've seen dirty dish rags with more charisma than her. The girl would have scored a lot more points with me if she'd just been honest and come right out and said, "I'm a hot piece of ass; therefore, you should vote for me."

 

Honest, and to the point.

 

Of course, it wouldn't be a faux reality show if people didn't get voted off. And who better to nix the first girl than our old pal, Triple H?

 

You know, now that I look back on this whole stupid contest, the only thing that really surprised me is that Hunter's ego didn't require him to enter the contest and rig it so he'd win the $250K himself.

 

Anway, things got wittled down to 10 finalists, all of whom started appearing on Raw every week. Their incredible acting skills were apparent from the very first week, when Eric Bischoff screamed at them and they laughed in response. Oops!

Week after week, fans were treated to wacky skits. For instance, the girls were asked to seduce a WWE Superstar, who turned out to be Kamala. Ha ha.

 

Had we just seen one of them attempt it, it might have been somewhat comical. Ok, probably not, but bear with me here. Watching 9 of them do it? Egads was that long and horrid.

 

Perhaps most depressing was the fact that none of them asked him to go bowling. That would have saved the segment for sure.

 

As if seducing the Ugandan Headhunter wasn't a bad enough idea, the following week the girls were told to hock ice cream. Christy did so by claiming she liked to play in it, then smashed the frozen concoction in a fit of rage. Somehow, that would not inspire me to run out to the local Baskin Robbins.

 

Amy, on the other hand, deep throated a can of Ready Whip.

 

CLASSY!

 

Suddenly, the fiasco wasn't just taking up time on Raw, but on PPVs as well.

 

And thus, those poor saps who plunked dow $39.95 for Summer Slam got Diva Dodgeball, which was exactly what it sounds like: a dodgeball game between the current WWE divas and the wannabes. In what appeared to be a shoot, the Diva Search Girls won when Nidia was eliminated.

 

If you listen very closely, you could hear the sound of absolutely, positively no one caring.

 

As the weeks crawled on, so did the horrible skits. When the girls weren't arm wrestling or getting doused in chili or fighting with giant gloves, they were having pie eating contests and cutting bad promos.

 

Just how bad were they? The Rock, of all people, commentated the pie eating extravaganza and even HE couldn't make it entertaining. Ponder that for a few minutes.

 

The Rock - THE ROCK! - couldn't save the segment.

 

Here's a clip in which Rock sounds like he'd be anywhere else than inside a ring surrounded by four gorgeous women.

 

 

 

 

During the contest, Christy proclaimed that her "BUTT was hungry."

 

WARNING: If your ass ever feels malnourished, see a doctor. Or maybe a shrink. Yeah, on second thought, definitely see a shrink.

 

Her anal cavity being famished, she decided to "feed it" by sitting on a pie and wiggling about. There's only one word for that:

 

CLASSY!

 

And now comes my absolute favorite moment of not only the Diva Search, but of all of 2004: DISS THE DIVA. When I first heard this announced, I thought, "Oh man, this is going to be horrible, just like every other horrible segment of this horrible contest."

 

How wrong I was.

 

These girls didn't cut pro wrestling promos; oh no. They cut nasty, hate-filled skank promos that would cause the saltiest sailor to blush.

 

Before I go into details, however, let me warn those of you with weak ears to just keep on truckin'. Just hit the back button up there at the top left of your screen and mosey on out.

 

For those of you who've decided to persevere, welcome to Pottymouthville, USA!

 

Joy started the festivities, by joking around with Amy and Christy. All was fun. Then she came to Carmella (who ALL the girls despised), and came unglued, claiming that she was a whore who, and I'm just quoting here, "had a gap so wide you could drive a truck through it."

 

Who knew?

 

Next up, Amy. She told Joy that she needed to learn how to lick a pie, and that Christy needed to calm down. Hey, I'd agree with that. Then she got to Carmella, whom Amy addressed as a whore. Okey dokey. She (Amy) also explained to Carmy that "having a cock in your m**** (don't ask me why they censored the word MOUTH but felt COCK was ok) has nothing to do with wrestling."

 

Oh, she just stole that line from page six of the WWE Employee Handbook.

 

Carmella got her shot, but it was so lame that I won't even bother to transcribe it.

 

No, I'd rather save my words for Christy, whom Carmella actually said she hoped would win. Christy wasn't quite as kind, calling Carmella one of the following(and I couldn't tell because the first word was bleeped): a "cock sucking gutter slut" or a "cunt sucking gutter slut" or a "cum sucking gutter slut."

 

CLASSY!

 

Finally, it came down to Christy and Carmella, with the winner set to be a quarter million bucks richer.

 

Before the winner could be announced, however, Trish Stratus showed up and mocked both girls and the entire competition in a manner most awesome.

 

Not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but I LOVE TRISH STRATUS.

 

Finally (for real this time), Christy was announced the winner. She spastically celebrated, somehow even more spastically than usual.

 

I have to say that this was a saving grace of the competition, as Carmella (whom WWE desperately wanted to win) was obviously bored out of her skull the entire competition. At least Christy looked like she wanted to be there.

 

Not sure that's worth two-hundred and fifty big ones, but that's not my check to sign.

 

 

So what did the Diva Search teach us?

 

It taught us that even something as enjoyable as scantily clad, gorgeous women could be annoying in the wrong hands.

 

It taught us the art of Kamala Seduction (who will forget Coach's inspirational advice "be at your seductive best"?),

 

It taught that pie eating contests are only fun if you are, in fact, eating the pie.

 

It taught us that Playboy Playmates aren't given centerfolds for their personalities.

 

But perhaps most importantly, it taught us that...

 

 

 

WWE IS CLASSY!

 

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Carmella: "Overall, my greatest asset has nothing to do with looks, I think it's just personality."

 

Rock: "Thank you, mama."

 

Crowd is so silent you could hear a pin drop

 

Rock: "Clearly everybody loved that one."

 

Joy: "Carmella, you talk a lot of shit. And you've got a gap so wide you could drive a truck right through there, baby!"

 

Amy: "Joy, you need to learn how to lick a pie. Christy, you need to settle your ass down. Whore, you don't have any respect for the WWE. You don't know shit about wrestling. And guess what - having a cock in your mouth doesn't have anything to do with wrestling!"

 

Christy: "And Carmella, you're a c*** sucking gutter slut!"

 

Trish Stratus: "I just wanted to take a moment to congratulate the two of you on making it this far. I mean, I know it's been tough. With the ice cream eating, and the pie eating - I'm getting full just thinking about it! Have you been thinking about the money you'll be making? Think about how you're going to be spending it? Christy, maybe you can turn it down a little and buy yourself some decaf? And Carmella, maybe you could buy yourself, oh I don't know...a personality?"

[Jericholic82 0]

and heres wcs story on the Billy and Chuck wedding another classic event that you might have missed

 

 

WWE, 2002

 

Believe it or not, 2002 wasn't a whole heck of a lot different than 2004 as it relates to World Wrestling Entertainment. The company was watching as its ratings and buyrates dipped, and was looking for anything to stem the tide. As the year drew to a close, the company's latest big idea to turn everything around was to build storylines based on life events. Big events such as weddings and funerals had for years proven to be huge ratings draws for other television programs...why not wrestling? Vince instructed his staff to put together such life events, and right out of the gate was a wedding.

 

But this being WWE, not just any old wedding would suffice. No, this wedding had to be different. Special. Memorable.

 

This wedding needed a big old dose of GAY.

 

It had been rumored that the idea of a same sex wedding had been on Vince's personal "to do list" for years. In fact, Scotty Too Hotty and Brian Christopher were seemingly pegged for the gig prior to discovering life as hip hop dancers that caught on with fans thanks in large part to Rikishi's fat ass.

 

So the idea sat in limbo for years, as the company waited for another tandem that could pull it off. One look at the combo of Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo, and the company knew it had found what it had long been waiting for.

 

To WWE's credit, everything started subtly...the pair would gaze at each other for a second too long, or wear matching head bands. It was enough to make fans question just what was going on, but there was still that hint of doubt.

A hint of doubt that was totally obliterated, of course, as Billy and Chuck began eyeballing each other's hindquarters and doing fagtastic stretching exercises like the one to the left.

This behavior was egged on by their personal stylist, Rico, who was obviously studying tapes of other wrestling queens like "Adorable" Adrian Adonis and "Exotic" Adrian Street. But his first order of business was to make a huge name for both himself and his charges by doing something that had never been done in wrestling before.

After much encouragement by Rico, Chuck finally got up the nerve to do the deed. He reached way down into his tights and pulled out...

...an engagement ring. (Well, considering how that sentence began, I guess it could have been much worse.) Chuck dropped to a knee and popped the question.

A delighted Billy squealed his approval, thus answering the age old question as to why his theme song was "Ass Man."

 

The two shared a tender embrace as the crowd booed mightily.

And thus, the wedding was set, and the invitations were sent out, one of which was responded to by no less than the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

 

I couldn't make this up - this very real and very influential group was eager to hop onboard the WWE hype machine, and therefore helped the promotion to get the publicity they were looking for. And make no mistake about it - WWE got a ton of mainstream press, in large part due to the folks at GLAAD giving their thumbs up to the union.

 

As if that weren't enough, they even got the pair a wedding present - a gravy boat from Pottery Barn!

 

Finally, the blessed day arrived. Rico came out first as Billy's best man, and Chuck's...well, Chuck's maid of honor, I guess. For the blessed event, he ditched his standard entrance music for the homo standard "It's Rainin' Men".

 

I dare say the only negative was that the Village People were not groomsmen.

 

By Rico's side was Smackdown General Manager Nipple H (that's Stephanie McMahon to you new Crappers), who was there as a witness. Or a bridesmaid. Or something. Suffice to say that Rico said the wedding could not go on without Nips being there.

The wedding was to be conducted by an elderly justice of the peace. Not only did this guy speak at a pace of approximately 4 words per minute, his hands repeatedly shook up and down in a...well, there's no nice way to put this....jacking off motion.

 

I swear, when Blade Braxton gets hitched, I am totally getting this guy to do the honors, cost be damned.

 

Finally, it was time for the groom and...errr....groom to walk the aisle. In honor of the occasion, the two swapped out their matching headbands for matching cumberbunds.

 

Now there's an idea for any potential grooms out there: just think about how impressed your bride and her family would be if you strut down the aisle with your name in sequins right above your belt line. Hell, that makes me almost want to get married all over again.

 

The two read each other their vows, and the old man did the obligatory "speak now or forever hold your piece" bit. Since only the Godfather interrupted, no one cared and the ceremony headed for its conclusion.

Just as the pair were about to be announced as husband and husband, however, Chuck and Billy got cold feet.

 

See, they weren't really gay...not that there's anything wrong with that...but they most certainly weren't. They quickly explained that this was a publicity stunt that had gone way too far!

 

Suffice to say, Rico was most displeased, as was the JOP, who, as it turns out, wasn't a kindly old gentleman with a mastabatory hand disorder after all.

 

It was Eric Bischoff!

 

Yes, straight of a Scooby Doo cartoon, it was revealed that evil Eric, the Raw General Manager, was the mastermind behind everything!

 

And how appropriate that WWE's own version of Scrappy Doo was right there to witness it all!

Bischoff and his cronies, Three Minute Warning, laid waste to Billy, Chuck, and Nips herself, as Rico cheered them on. Finally, the entire Smackdown roster came to the ring to run off this unwanted invasion.

 

As goofy as all this sounds (and make no mistake about it, it was), the actual payoff at the wedding itself got the entire wrestling world buzzing. Bischoff, as usual, had played his part to absolute perfection, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, fans were truly shocked by what happened. Perhaps best of all, they were ready to tune in to see the aftermath of Bischoff and his cronies destruction.

 

Would Rico bolt to Raw? Would Stephanie send Smackdown wrestlers to confront Bischoff? And what of Billy & Chuck? It really seemed as if Vince had struck upon something that people wanted to see paid off.

 

So, of course, virtually nothing happened. Rico went to Raw, had a couple of matches, then faded into the background prior to his release a few weeks back. Three Minute Warning lasted didn't even get its additional twelve minutes of fame, as Jamal was canned, leaving Rosie to hang out with nothing to do prior to becoming a Super Hero in Training (get it? he's SHIT!). Billy and Chuck floundered under more silly gimmicks before finally being canned. Heck, even Nips faded from television, although rest assured, she'll be back to annoy us at all at some point when we least expect it. (Why do I feel I just cursed us, and she will be back next week?)

 

Then there was the little fact that WWE also had to answer to GLAAD, who was none too happy at being deceived: "The WWE lied to us two months ago when they promised that Billy and Chuck would come out and wed on the air," fumed GLAAD spokesman Scott Seomin in a press release following the event. "In fact, I was told (lied to) the day after the show was taped in Minneapolis that the wedding took place and all was well."

 

A bait and switch from WWE? Perish the thought.

 

Of course, the wedding was viewed as a major success by the company, so even more wackiness was planned, and thus we got even more weddings, featuring baby killers and an geezer who died from a sex OD on his honeymoon.

 

Maybe the gay wedding wasn't so bad after all.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

- Rico: "Billy, come here. Chuck has something he wants to ask you. Chuck, the time is now."

 

Chuck: "Billy, we've been partners in the ring for a long time, and I was just wondering...I want you to be my partner for life!"

 

Billy: "Yes!"

 

Rico: "Yes, he said yes!"

 

- Horrible singers croak out "It's raining men"

 

- Justice of the Peace: "Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you..."

 

Chuck: "Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute. What are you doing, what are you thinking? This wasn't supposed to go this far, Rico!"

 

Billy: "Come on Rico, what the hell is this? This was supposed to just be a publicity stunt. Hey, we're not gay, we got nothing against gay people."

 

*Crowd Cheers*

 

Tazz: "Apparently a lot of gay people here!"

 

Billy: "As a matter of fact, if I were gay, I probably would marry Chuck."

 

- JOP: "The bond that Chuck and Billy have is sacred, and that will never change. It doesn't matter if it lasts fifty years, sixteen months, of three minutes...(voice changes to that of Easy E)...Wait a minute. Did I just hear myself say, "Three Minutes?"

 

Michael Cole: "Oh my GOD, it's Eric Bischoff, the Raw General Manager!"

[Big McLargeHuge 0]

Great. Now someone recap the Kane/Shane fued from '03 (or whenever it happened).

[JJ Johnson 0]

Early July to SummerSlam-Kane is unmasked, due to a stipulation that if he lost his match with HHH, he would be forced to remove the aforementioned facial cover. He then proceeds to kick the shit out of Rob Van Dam, chokeslam Eric Bischoff off the stage, set JR on fire, Tombstone Linda McMahon on the steel stage, zap Shane's balls with a car battery, and kick the shit out of Rob Van Dam again.

 

Mid-August to Unforgiven-Shane kicks Kane into a flaming dumpster, Kane survives, gets pissed, Shane gets pissed, they both sign a contract for a "Last Man Standing" match at Unforgiven. At the contract signing, Shane-O does his signature elbow through the Spanish table. On one Raw, Kane went for his chokeslam off the stage, but Shane O hit him with a chair, and he fell off the stage through some tables. At Unforgiven, some high spots include Shane going corner to corner to Van Terminator the steel steps into Kane's face, Kane flipping the SAT (Spanish Announce Table. Ain't I clever?) onto Shane (although he misses), and Shane reenacting his wacky Backlash 2001 antics, diving off of the Titantron. This time, Shane misses, and Kane wins.

 

Night after Unforgiven to Survivor Series-Kane attacks Shane in the hospital, Shane lures Kane into a limo that he runs into a semi in a very cool moment that made the Raw opening video, they sign for an ambulance match. Sorry this area is kinda sparse, I don't remember much of this part. At SS, some highlights include Shane dropping the elbow from off the ambulance, which was probably a legitimate 9 feet up, and Kane Tombstoning Shane on the concrete for the win.

 

That's all I remember.