Comments which don't warrant a thread.

[Nighthawk 0]

I fell down a fire escape face first tonight. I'm missing my four front teeth, there's a hole in my cheek, my nose is broken, and my eyes are nearly swollen shut. I don't know how I got here or why, but if you gave me back all those years, I'd do it all better, I swear. I might not be back for a few days. The ambulance is here.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I just wanna know what homeboy was drinking during this occasion.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I thought you had quit drinking, or am I thinking of something else?

[Jingus 0]

Jeez, hope you're okay Dave. Well, relatively okay relatively soon, anyway, obviously you're not doing so great now, that sounds fairly excruciating. Since it's inevitable that someone will do it, I might as well go ahead and be the asshole who comments on the irony of the "people keep saying my drinking will kill me... whadda they know?" post consequently followed by the "fuck, I've been drinking and I just almost died" post. But seriously, holy shit that sucks. May your recovery be quick, may your pain meds be of sufficient quality, and may your medical insurer not fuck with you too much over your coverage.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I almost did the same thing while drinking. I caught myself at the last moment though, and managed to keep from going on the fire escape again for the rest of the night. I probably would have died, I don't know how to take a bump.

[Nighthawk 0]

You guys, that was an almost word for word copy from the first sentence of A Million Little Pieces. I live in Northern California, we don't have fire escapes.

[Nighthawk 0]

I thought you had quit drinking, or am I thinking of something else?

 

I do this off and on. That's basically where I'm at. I quit over and over as a running gag. Like "I will never touch a drop of alcohol again! ... For three months."

[Nighthawk 0]

While, rest assured, I feel like a complete asshole for saying that, it's a good small example of what I mean about making it seem worse than it is. "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I said I was fine and then I died right after?" Not really.

[Kinetic 0]

So where was I? Oh yes, Danny wins the best tsm fucked up phone call with me award.

 

I have no recollection of this. I remember that it happened and I remember that it was shortly after I had gotten off of the phone with Dan. If I'm calling or texting or even PMing any of you out of the blue, there's a 99% chance that I'm drunk.

[Nighthawk 0]

I think the best part was you asking what I was doing, and I said making spaghetti, and you said "Oh, I have really good advice about making spaghetti... it's really important. Ok, are you ready? Are you ready for this? Seriously, you have to pay close attention...

 

Ok...

 

 

Really good advice...

 

Seriously...

 

Are you ready...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ok...

 

 

 

 

no really...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't overcook it."

[Nighthawk 0]

I almost did the same thing while drinking. I caught myself at the last moment though, and managed to keep from going on the fire escape again for the rest of the night. I probably would have died, I don't know how to take a bump.

 

This is interesting, as I've thought for a while that you are one of the posters here I have the most in common with. You, JSYK, KOAN and possibly Leena, except I'm much hotter than her.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I've thought the same about you, I don't really relate to anyone else though that I know of.

[Nighthawk 0]

if you gave me back all those years, I'd do it all better, I swear.

 

I also just noticed that this is a lyric from the Bravery. What a douchebag!

 

I'm still piecing together everything I said last night. I'm honestly scared to look at my text message outbox, because I can be so bad about that. At least I no longer actually call anyone. Oh well, my true friends are all well acquainted with "That's just Dave being Dave." but casual acquaintances can sometimes get scared or disgusted.

 

I've got a notebook (a Hello Kitty notebook actually), that I use to jot down ideas for projects I have. Some pretty intense stuff in here. A drawing of Rorschach from Watchmen surrounded by Dethklok lyrics. Full page portrait of Britney Spears. Head shots of the Beatles with the background being the word "baby" written over and over again.

[Jingus 0]

You guys, that was an almost word for word copy from the first sentence of A Million Little Pieces.

. . .

 

Don't DO that.

 

 

You're Towelie. Ya hear that? You're fuckin' Towelie.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I almost did the same thing while drinking. I caught myself at the last moment though, and managed to keep from going on the fire escape again for the rest of the night. I probably would have died, I don't know how to take a bump.

 

This is interesting, as I've thought for a while that you are one of the posters here I have the most in common with. You, JSYK, KOAN and possibly Leena, except I'm much hotter than her.

 

that's a B not an N you fuckscum

[The Niggardly King 0]

Oh and I think I met my soulmate... it's terrifying to meet someone of the opposite sex that does the same shit and is into the same shit as you... quite funny.

[Nighthawk 0]

Me too! Being drunk is what did it. After breaking up with her because I was neurotic and cynical, I got drunk and decided "No, fuck that, I'm in love with her." I called her up and DEMANDED that she get back with me, amidst a flurry of bizarre references to fistfighting a shark and doing a Heath Ledger impression.

That's why I can't hate drinking, it forced me to be honest about how badly I wanted to be with her. That's actually the exact reason I've been drinking so much lately.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Honesty? Alcohol does make a great truth serum. It also, quizzically, is an excuse for anything you say that is the complete truth, but can brush off later easily; "Oh, I was just drunk, don't worry about it."

[Bruiser Chong 0]

Ahh the mental picture of Milky posting on TSM with squinted, almost-swollen-shut eyes, freshly missing teeth and a hole in his cheek. Now that's message board dedication.

[Maztinho 0]

I think I met the most stereotypical 'dumb Americans' today at work. I work at the local harbour, and a boatfull of them came in to go to dinner and while one of them went in to check in with customs, the rest of them (well, the older ones, I think they had their kids with them) seemed to be in awe of the fact that they were actually in another country. The one guy asked me if they had to 'parlay frawn-say' and when I shook my head, his wife chimed in, 'Oh yeah, that's just down in Montreal, right?' The other woman was amazed that I sounded different than they did, while the girl I was working with didn't, and she kept pointing at me and yelling that I had some sort of an accent. Oh, and they also demanded that we show them how polite Canadians are, however you do that.

 

 

That's okay. I spent five minutes talking to a lady in Brazil, in Portuguese, having a fine ol' conversation until she asked me where I was from and the second I said, The United States she couldn't understand fuck all I was saying and had to ask my Brazilian friend if I spoke Portuguese.

[Nighthawk 0]

Ahh the mental picture of Milky posting on TSM with squinted, almost-swollen-shut eyes, freshly missing teeth and a hole in his cheek. Now that's message board dedication.

 

Yeah, for real. I'm surprised anyone believed it, considering A) I probably wouldn't want to post on a message board, B) I'd be ashamed that it happened, considering I'd just claimed I had drinking under control, and C) I had just said I was going to write a fake addiction memoir.

 

You want real douchbaggery? I think I'll dump that girl I just mentioned for this other girl. You see, there are two women in my life, and I love one when I'm drunk, and one when I'm sober. I have two lovers, and I ain't ashamed. Two lovers and I love them both the same.

 

And ok, I'm ready to stay sober for a while... let's say three months. It's a random number from a Simpsons reference, but it'll do. Well, I'm going to get drunk tonight, but after that.

 

Last time, I tried two months and made it one and a half.

 

Used to be I couldn't make it 3 days. Getting better. Probably should totally quit. Maybe I'll make it there someday.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

"Wow... I will never drink again"

"Beer here!"

"I'll take 10 please"

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

I got raging drunk on vacation, and all I did was build a dangerously large campfire while my woman protested.

 

"You don't need that entire cedar branch on the...now goddammit, that's bigger than the fire pit! You trying to burn the whole place down?"

"Do not try to pull that table over there."

 

[Nighthawk 0]

That's an old man story. You've changed, man. Come back when you threw a cat on it.

[Sideburnious 0]

Ahh the mental picture of Milky posting on TSM with squinted, almost-swollen-shut eyes, freshly missing teeth and a hole in his cheek. Now that's message board dedication.

 

Yeah, for real. I'm surprised anyone believed it, considering A) I probably wouldn't want to post on a message board, B) I'd be ashamed that it happened, considering I'd just claimed I had drinking under control, and C) I had just said I was going to write a fake addiction memoir.

 

I was hoping it was real so I could raise the question: What's the better TSM scenerio, posting on a message board before getting an ambulance, or at a girls house about to get sex?

 

[JHawk 0]

Ahh the mental picture of Milky posting on TSM with squinted, almost-swollen-shut eyes, freshly missing teeth and a hole in his cheek. Now that's message board dedication.

 

Yeah, for real. I'm surprised anyone believed it, considering A) I probably wouldn't want to post on a message board, B) I'd be ashamed that it happened, considering I'd just claimed I had drinking under control, and C) I had just said I was going to write a fake addiction memoir.

 

I was hoping it was real so I could raise the question: What's the better TSM scenerio, posting on a message board before getting an ambulance, or at a girls house about to get sex?

More people make fun of you if it's at a girl's house about to have sex. Unless, of course, some psycho chick beats you up before you go into said ambulance.

 

I'd call it a wash.

[Matt Young 0]

On the subject of drinking, I've been drunk 6 out of the 9 nights I've been in Illinois and stoned just as many. It's been great seeing friends again, but the beer, weed, and fast food has seriously gotten me lethargic. I can't wait to get home and resume healthy eating, working out, and not drinking.

[Copper Feel 0]

Despicable.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I'm going to bum my way across Canada for the month of August, and settle in BC some time in September. You guys are lucky, because you won't have to put up with me anymore, except for EHME who I'm going to step to in the streets when I get to Calgary.

 

Anyways, Give me some good ideas for signs to take people's money. I was thinking something like "Funding Al-Qaeda" would be nice.

[Twisted Intestine 0]

I just had some really weird dream about getting ripped off buying a sleeping bag from Burger King, and my work place was next store so I was going back and fourth between working/going to check on the manager who was supposed to be giving me money back. He turned out to be a pro wrestler, and I worked a quick angle with him where I hit him with a chair, then he beat me down. My work place was haunted, there was a record player on the top floor where I was and it started playing music. I ran downstairs then started seeing different ghosts - One of them going around the inside of the building sucking cigarette butts from the ground and eating them. I ran outside and laughed hysterically with my friend because we thought that the ghost eating the cigarettes was hilarious. I then thought to myself that if I died from smoking, that is what I would have to do in the after life, and vowed to quit smoking."

 

My main point was (before I typed all that, I didn't realize I remembered that much of the dream), during the dream I thought to myself "This ,must be a dream it's so bizarre, but there's no way I'm dreaming, it feels too damn real. If it does turn out to be a dream, there's no way I'll remember how real dreams feel, but just remember saying they feel like real life."

 

Well, I was right, I don't remember how real it felt - but apparently I sent myself a message that dreams feel damn real.