13TH HOUR COMMENTS

[King Cucaracha 0]

Pre-emptive comments.

 

Best. PPV. Opening. Ever.

 

BIIIIIG ups to Zyon on one hell of a match and his first title win. Now, just don't disappear and you'll be set. Yay the tag title match. Hawke's match was very good. I'm assuming that was either a co-write or a Toxxic-write on the LMS, because I've read enough Toxxic matches in my time to know. That's not a knock on Spike. Looks like a long one so I'll read that later. Yay for Ejiro's match.

 

Two matches still to come, so this is all the comment you get for now.

[Ace309 0]

Let me just say that thus far both Iron Man matches are fantastic. The rest of the PPV appears to be of high quality, and I look forward to reading it. I hope the PPV will be complete very soon.

[devo 0]

I love the opening as well. Pretzler - Benedict rematch at Ground Zero!

 

Congrats to Zyon on a big win. The spots were fantastic and the match as a whole was a very fun read. A little more concentration on description and grammar and you'll be set.

 

Great, entertaining match from Cortez and Maddix. I love the botched Spaceman Plancha spot, if only because it adds that extra bit of tension and makes you wonder about their ability to work as a team. The ending is very well written, too, though it kinda comes out of nowhere. =)

 

Fantastic contest from Hawke, who did a great job building up to the submission throughout the match. At first, I thought the stip was going to be more of a hinderance than anything, but it turned out to not detract from the match at all. I would have loved to see these two go at it in a straight-up submission match, though.

 

Dig that Dangerous promo. I'm greatly looking forward to that match.

 

Absolutely terrific Last Man Standing match from Jenkins. I love how the history between Jenkins and Toxxic was recognized throughout the match; both men countered the other's moves, and each had to resort to doing something new and unexpected to try and get a ten count. And the ending is wonderful, of course. Even if that last paragraph isn't leading anywhere, I love seeing Spike just having a twinge of regret at cutting down his former leader.

 

Beautiful match from Williams. His descriptions are always clear and detailed and they served him well in this match. The story of the match is remarkable; Francis has victory in his clutches, but ironically loses the pinfall because of his constant cheating. And even after that, Williams has to literally beat Francis senseless to gain the victory, such is the determination both men have to win. Great, great match.

 

I'm running out of adjectives. >_>

 

Ejiro's escapes are my favorite part of his match. They're clever, well-written, and imaginative. The whole match was very fun to read, as it seemed like both Fasaki and Buck just went at each other the whole time without taking a single breather. The back work leads up to a great, if expected, finish. And I too wonder what Buck's motivation was for taking out Sexton; I'm glad that was mentioned at the end of the match and wasn't forgotten about.

 

Can't wait for the Wildchild - Pretzler match. Though I'm not sure if Scott's at 100% after taking on His Holiness.

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Joygasm @ Double Jeopardy.

 

Landon and Cortez, you did us more than justice, you magnificent bastards.

 

WHAT IS AN ASS KICKING.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Glad it was okay, Supes.

 

Although, if I had thought about it, I would have asked Chuck to make sure I went over you. Again.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Motherfuckingly, the match I sent to Tom was so long (11,000+!) that part of it was cut off in the sending. Worse yet, I forgot to save a copy to the sent folder and didn't get home from school until 3:00. All of that has now been corrected, so... may the best man win.

[King Cucaracha 0]

See, it's not just me...

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Motherfuckingly, the match I sent to Tom was so long (11,000+!) that part of it was cut off in the sending. Worse yet, I forgot to save a copy to the sent folder and didn't get home from school until 3:00. All of that has now been corrected, so... may the best man win.

You should have done what I did before you tried to send your match...

[The Ill One 0]

I had to no show due to circumstances legitimately beyond my own control- but I doubt I could of beat Zyon's match, fantastic. I'll read the rest of the show later.

[Toxxic 0]

I'd like to add my voice to Landon's. That opening was fucking FANTASTIC.

[Ace309 0]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a main event.

 

It was extremely difficult... comments will come up after you've all had a chance to read it, since I'd like to give the winning writer the chance to bask a little before I get into the technical reasons I chose his excellent match over his opponent's excellent match.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Give him hell, Scotty...

 

 

Apropos of nothing, I just realized that I have a propensity to overuse the word "patented." And probably a few others that I haven't noticed yet... BTW, for future reference, if I want

 tags to be retained in my matches, do I need to let CC know in my PM or something?

 

 

EDIT - I tried to use the

tags, but apparently, they don't work anymore...

Edited June 14, 2005 by Mr. S£im Citrus

[Secret Agent 0]

*jaw hits the floor after reading the ME*

 

Wow, simply incredible. That certianly has to be one of your best matches!

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

It was extremely difficult... comments will come up after you've all had a chance to read it, since I'd like to give the winning writer the chance to bask a little before I get into the technical reasons I chose his excellent match over his opponent's excellent match.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Allow me.

 

1) My match was filled with flowery language and cheesy, overdramatic writing, especially near the end. This alternated, oddly enough, with deadeningly austere descriptions of the action during the body of the match.

 

2) While harrowing, the leg work by Pretzler didn't really yield visible results until the finish itself - WC was still able to hit or attempt some major spots with little difficulty.

 

3) In spite of my after-the-fact comment that WC's stamina was likely to drop again after the Blood Frenzy ended, it didn't. Being in the Frenzy basically cured him of the effects of the apron-side German suplex, which had been sold like DEATH before he started bleeding. Having him suddenly crash after snapping out of it would have been more dramatic and made more sense.

 

4) Pretzler didn't really do a whole lot. Sure, that's the idea behind his style of wrestling, but if he was trying to impress the management (an idea I put over heavily), he could have at least busted out the still-unseen tope suicida or something visually striking.

 

5) EXTREME overuse of the following words: Push, pull, forward, stand, feet, onto, toward, back, backward... and many others.

 

I bet you're all dying to read my match after those few tantalizing details! I do consider it's the best I've written so far (and the longest - more than twice as long as the runner-up, in fact), but from my intensely self-critical point of view, that ain't sayin' much.

 

There were a lot of references (okay, let's call it move-stealing and ass-kissing) to Flesher during the match, but they were not put there to butter up the marker - rather, Toxx had suggested that Pretzler was becoming Tom's "boy," an idea I took to heart. (His other suggestions were also very helpful - thanks a bunch!)

[devo 0]

Match of the Night goes to Pretzler, I think. I love that bit of psychology near the middle of the match with the Snowflake; it reminds me a lot of HHH's chairshot in the HHH-Rock Ironman match. And it goes without saying how fantastic that ending is.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Just for the record, I didn't write that match. But everyone probably knew that already.

[Toxxic 0]

Shush. First lesson of Rev-0 - TAKE THE CREDIT.

[devo 0]

Just for the record, I didn't write that match. But everyone probably knew that already.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I didn't. Or else I wouldn't have said it. =)

[Ace309 0]

I bet you're all dying to read my match after those few tantalizing details! I do consider it's the best I've written so far (and the longest - more than twice as long as the runner-up, in fact), but from my intensely self-critical point of view, that ain't sayin' much.

I'd agree. It was difficult, and really, it came down to a situation where a well-written match with a very few technical points that made me scratch my head (eg, in WC's match, WC powering out of Harmony and, as I recall, standing up in the Snowflake Clutch) - one that built drama and made me hyperventilate at the finish, and one where I truly felt for Wildchild - was pitted against a match that was, while not a technical masterpiece, at the very least main-event-level in technical proficiency, with Perfectly Acceptable Writing but comparitively lacking in drama. There's no easy way to make this decision, and I can't give you a Rule. In this specific case, the dramatic match with Perfectly Acceptable Technical Proficiency won out over the technically superb match with Perfectly Acceptable Drama.

 

There were a lot of references (okay, let's call it move-stealing and ass-kissing) to Flesher during the match, but they were not put there to butter up the marker - rather, Toxx had suggested that Pretzler was becoming Tom's "boy," an idea I took to heart. (His other suggestions were also very helpful - thanks a bunch!)

This bothered me a bit - I was reading the match and picking up on it, but I hadn't seen it built or teased beforehand to a degree that it was appropriate to so steep the match in it. It felt - not like it was coming out of nowhere per se, but that it was inappropriate to the degree that it was used.

 

That said, build it this month as a side angle. I like it a lot, and it's a natural progression.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Yeah... if I ever consider moving WC out of the Cruiseweight Division, i'm going to have to address the strength issue... I shouldn't have done both "power out" spots in one match, but WC's already tapped "cleanly" to the Snowflake twice, so I wanted to build a little more suspense to it... and I really wanted to do that Harmony spot; I've been waiting for three years for a match where I could sneak that in.

 

EDIT - As I mentioned to Tom already, I'm a little pressed for time, so I don't know that I'll have time to write my match and a Frost/HOLT report. If it comes down to it, Frost might have to wait until after Storm before I have time to write it.

Edited June 15, 2005 by Mr. S£im Citrus

[muzz 0]

The bra and panties match kicked ass.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

You are God damned right, Muzz.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Well, I decided since I couldn't sleep last night, I'd make an effort to give some comments on some of the 'big' matches, so here goes. Bear in mind, this is all just personal, insomniac opinion

 

Toxx/Spike

Toxxic's LMS Match was an entertaining read. Compared to some, Toxxic's writing is a more like a story than a wrestling match. I know he did one of those help topics that are pinned somewhere in Com/Gen and he admitted as much, that use of the english language is as important of his knowledge of wrestling. That all fits well into a LMS standing setting. Did a very good job of building and continuing Spike and Toxxic's recent, slight changes in character. I especially thought the teased Dangerlust was a great touch. Especially if we're leading to a Toxxic face turn. The end seemed a little quick for some reason. I dunno why, but I was expecting more death-spots. Instead, it kinda seemed like Spike had Toxxic beat once, beat twice and then he just beat him. It did Spike a lot of good and Toxxic wasn't too damaged by the ending, despite the fact he was being murderised at the end.

 

Danny/Mak

Now, if Toxxic's writing is uber-descriptive and story-like, then the Danny/Mak is some sort of epic. A lot of description and it kinda takes you everywhere, from the action to the crowd, to the wrestlers' inner thoughts, to backstory, to theoretical questions, to metaphorics. A little flowery every now and then maybe. But all the time, you feel like you're reading a real big match. And of course, the action itself is very good. Mak's recent attitude adjustment is handled perfectly. And the parallells between Hogan and Danny are obvious but not OTT.

 

One thing that does bother me about the match and this is just personal opinion...I'm not a big fan of the Batman sound effects. Everyone does it. Including me. For me, personally, it's best when it's kept to a minimum. Johnny writes a lot of sound effect, usually on a seperate line, like *WHAM!*, and I don't mind that. I'm not personally a fan of the Blam! Whap! Ka-boom! Boom! Zort! Mint! stuff for every strike and landing. Again, that's possibly just me.

 

Anyway...love the innovative super near-fall off the Frog Splash and the feet on the ropes, really playing on Mak's insecurities. It seems a little odd that Williams gets stronger and stronger as the match goes on, although it's explained out enough to work. Plus, FIGHTING SPIRIT-UH~! and all that. Saying that, I don't think Danny ever blatantly no-sells anything. Still a very good, top notch match, even if certain traits weren't to my taste.

 

Ejiro/Buck

Ah, Ejiro. This is more my style. Hell, I stole most of my style from Ejiro when I was starting out, so that's pretty much a given. For my liking, this one has the right level of description and wordy language. Buck mauling Hardcastle was out of nowhere and we get a chaotic opening, until Eddy Long lays down the LAW~. Hmmmm... Not really sure what to say, except that I really enjoyed this one. There are a few gaps in grammar here and there, if I wanted to be pedantic. I mark for the Liontamer and it was a well-written ending, although I wouldn't have thought of Buck submitting to the Liontamer myself.

[Secret Agent 0]

As far as the sound effects go, i stole that from Chris Raynor. *shrugs*

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

I guess Buck now has to fight Slick Rick.

[Coffin Surfer 0]

I'm not a big fan of the Batman sound effects. Everyone does it. Including me.

 

I'm not sure who started it but I know I was probably one of the first to start writing them in it's current overused over the top incarnation. It was a response to the "dull and boring" criticism my matches used to rightfully recieve in JL.

 

It seems a little odd that Williams gets stronger and stronger as the match goes on, although it's explained out enough to work.

 

I don't think I would say he get's stronger, it's just he starts to recover when he's given the opportunity. Mak couldn't keep the heat on him.

 

Thanks for the comments.

[Secret Agent 0]

Come on now, Danny. It's been awhile since we've seen you do one of your fabulous breakdowns of one of the PPV matches.