ESPN Article on WWE

[bobobrazil1984 0]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...in/050720&num=0

 

Its about the worst angles in wrestling, It hits on all the classics, Slaughter: Iraqi Sympathiser, Mark Henry: Sex Addict, Hassan, Al Wilson, Katie Vick

 

From Gorgeous George to Magnificent Muraco, from "Rowdy" Roddy Piper to "The Unpredictable" Johnny Rodz, one thing is clear: professional wrestlers love adjectives. They're also fond of alliteration (like Ravishing Rick Rude or Marvelous Marc Mero) and hyperbole (like the Great Kamala or Ultimate Warrior). But they really love adjectives.

 

And so do the fans. We routinely employ their own adjectives (many of them unprintable), not only for the wrestlers but also for moves, announcers, and especially, storylines ("angles," in wrestling parlance). For many of these angles, adjectives such as "lame" and "uninspired" work just fine; as an example, I give you Edge and Booker T's feud over shampoo. Some angles cross the line into "absurd," "distasteful" and even "vaguely illegal" -- like when Earthquake sat on and subsequently killed Jake the Snake's pet python, or when Brock Lesnar pushed one-legged wrestler Zach Gowen down three flights of stairs.

 

For a select few angles, only one descriptor fits: "appalling."

 

What distinguishes a merely "loathsome" storyline from a truly "appalling" one? Tough to say. Basically, you know it when you experience it -- when your face contorts into a permanent cringe, when you feel the need to take a shower after you turn off the TV. The most appalling WWE (then-WWF) angle stretches back fifteen years, back when Simmons and I were in college and spending our hours playing the WWF arcade game at the Greendale Mall in Worcester. In the summer of 1990, Saddam Hussein invaded the tiny emirate of Kuwait, an act of wanton aggression which precipitated "Operation: Desert Storm." In response, Vince McMahon and the good folks/opportunistic vultures at World Wrestling Entertainment gave the character of Sgt. Slaughter -- long a flag-waving American hero -- an extreme "Iraqi sympathizer" makeover. This new, evil Slaughter called the American soldiers "pukes," saluted Iraq's flag, and even chummed around with his old nemesis, the Iron Sheik. (Although the Sheik was supposed to be Iranian, and the Iraqis and Iranians hated one another, only he sympathized with Saddam Hussein ... actually, let's just move on.)

 

See, Vince McMahon had it all figured out: The "turncoat" angle would culminate at WrestleMania VII, where super-patriot Hulk Hogan would defeat Sarge and bring the WWE Title back to the good ol' U.S. of A. For Vince, this would be the mother of all matches, one that would sell out the L.A. Coliseum. It was going to be huge. Huge, I tell you! And it could have been, too -- if anyone bought tickets.

 

Unfortunately for Vince, wrestling fans saw the angle for the shameful exploitation that it was, turning away from 1991's WrestleMania in droves. Knowing they couldn't broadcast the biggest show of the year in a half-empty arena, WWE shifted venues at the last minute, from the L.A. Coliseum (which could fit 100,000) to the Los Angeles Sports Arena (which could fit, I don't know, maybe 70).

 

But wait: there's more.

 

Flash forward to a Tuesday morning in 2001, when planes flew into buildings and the world changed forever. After 9/11, Americans lived in fear that the terrorists might attack again, and American wrestling fans lived in fear that WWE would try to capitalize on this tragedy. In the aftermath of 9/11, WWE appeared to take the high road. In the September 26, 2001 edition of the New York Times, Linda McMahon -- Vince's wife as well as WWE's Chief Executive Officer -- had this to say: "We're not going to do anything to connect to the attacks. We want to be perceived as conscientious programmers." Nice restraint, guys.

 

WWE had enough with this "conscientious programmer" malarkey by 2004, the year that saw the debut of Muhammad Hassan. More caricature than character, Hassan is an Arab-American who wears a headdress, praises Allah, and basically does all those mean, "anti-American" things that don't exactly result in a public relations bonanza for WWE. Just two weeks ago, WWE Smackdown ran a pre-taped episode featuring a terrorist-like attack by "Arab" wrestling villains (wearing masks and camouflage pants) on Undertaker (the "American" victim) -- with Hassan on his knees, praying, as if this wasn't hideous enough -- with the show running on the same night as the London bombings. Sure, they ran a disclaimer on the bottom, but the damage was done. It was a new low for American wrestling.

 

In one sense, there's nothing new to see here. Wrestling promoters -- more adept at playing the xenophobia card than Donald Rumsfeld -- have always served up "foreign fanatics," from places such as Russia, Japan, and even Finland. But the Muhammad Hassan experiment doesn't just exploit 9/11, it turns wrestling fans into racial profilers. Here's what I mean: Hassan has consistently complained that, ever since 9/11, Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. The thing is, ever since 9/11, many Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. By booing him, we're basically validating everything he's saying -- in effect, making us the villains. And none too intelligent villains either: fans routinely chant "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" whenever Hassan enters an arena -- although the character is supposed to be from Detroit or something.

 

Now, the WWE scriptwriters are either brilliant cultural satirists for exposing not only the intolerance but also the ignorance of their own fans ... or they collectively have no souls. Me, I'm putting my money on "no souls."

 

"Well now," a purist may scoff, "those are but two indiscretions. Certainly, WWE doesn't make 'appalling angles' a general practice."

 

Oh no? I'll let you be the judge, as I present five more appalling wrestling angles from the past ten years:

 

5. Mark Henry: Sex Addict

Mark Henry's credentials as a weightlifter in the 1996 Olympics meant squat to wrestling fans, so in 1999, WWE tweaked his character a little and transformed him into "Sexual Chocolate," a self-professed nymphomaniac. This new gimmick, meant to elevate the big man's star, de-railed his career for good, thanks largely to two appalling stunts:

 

A. Having a fling with a groupie named "Sammi," who turned out to be a transvestite (of course)

 

B. Romancing the ironically-named Mae Young, a former female wrestler in her 80s. Mae, it seems, was also a nymphomaniac; several times, she tried to flash the crowd. This dreadful and completely non-entertaining love affair culminated with Mae's announcement that she was pregnant; eventually, on live TV, she inexplicably gave birth to a plastic hand.

 

Much like Elizabeth Berkeley's career after "Showgirls," poor Mark Henry was ruined after this angle -- it was that bad. (I mean, she gave birth to a hand!?! A hand?!? What the hell was that??)

 

4. The McMahon Family Pummel Each Other

Around 1998, the McMahons -- father Vince, mother Linda, son Shane, and daughter Stephanie -- moved from "behind the scenes" to "the scene" itself. For almost five years, nearly every broadcast explored the various ways the McMahons could beat on each other. Usually, Vince and Shane duked it out: giving each other low-blows, bashing each other in the head with trash cans -- fun stuff like that. Once the "father-son beatdown" angle played itself out, Vince set his sights on his daughter. At the 2003 No Mercy pay-per-view, Vince and Stephanie fought each other in a hardcore "I Quit" match that ended (according to the 2005 Pro Wrestling Illustrated's Almanac) "when Linda McMahon threw in the towel for Stephanie while Vince was choking her out with a lead pipe." And yes, I was going to go off on a rant about passing off child abuse as entertainment, but ... what's say we just leave it with "choking her out with a lead pipe"?

 

(On an equally-appalling note: at various times, Vince cooked up "adultery" angles, which required him to make out with hot babes while Linda looked on. I guess Vince figured the "elderly nymphomaniac" storyline worked so well for Mae Young, why not?)

 

3. Dead Fathers Who Aren't Really Dead and Who Aren't Really Fathers

Pro-wrestling isn't just a family affair for the McMahons. In 2002, WWE Diva/proud bimbo Torrie Wilson worked an angle with her actual father, Al Wilson. In a nutshell: hapless geezer Al falls in love with and then marries Torrie's rival, the beautiful yet evil Dawn Marie; the two wed on TV, in the ring and (for some reason) in their underwear. During their honeymoon, Al slips into a coma and "dies." But that's fine by Dawn Marie, because she later reveals that she was attracted to Torrie all along.

 

As insipid and repugnant as this was, another "dead dad" plot may top it. In 1999, the Big Show's "father" died of cancer. At the "funeral," the rotten-to-the-core Big Bossman showed up, chained the deceased's coffin to his truck, and then dragged it -- and the corpse -- around the cemetery. Appalling, in every way something can be appalling. (Incidentally, the Big Show's father didn't really die of cancer; for storyline purposes, the scriptwriters gave him a fictional family -- proving that there are people out there who, unlike the McMahons and the Wilsons, don't want to humiliate themselves on television.)

 

2. The Return of Diesel and Razor (Kinda)

In May of 1996, two of WWE's biggest draws -- "Big Daddy Cool" Diesel and Razor Ramon (portrayed by Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, respectively) -- left to work for the competition. Their departure disheartened fans, but, four months later -- a new hope! WWE announcer Jim "J.R." Ross started proclaiming that Diesel and Razor were heading back home! They're in negotiations with WWE lawyers! And Ross is going to produce them on next week's broadcast! And produce them he did -- or, at least, two guys dressed up like Diesel and Razor. And just how could they spend weeks promising the return of two beloved characters and then bring out look-alikes? Well, as Jim Ross, ever the literalist, pointed out: "I never said I was going to bring back Kevin Nash and Scott Hall." Ah, good one, J.R.!

 

Personally, the whole "Fake Diesel/ Fake Razor" bait-and-switch was the last straw. After that, I swore I would never watch WWE programming again. (That was nine years ago, I realize, but still ... )

 

1.Triple-H and Katie Vick

There are "head-shaking" appalling angles. There are "spirit-crushing" appalling angles. And there is Katie Vick, which is worse than the plastic hand, worse than Vince choking out his daughter, even worse than Al Wilson dying on TV. It's the worst thing ever seen on a wrestling show, and may just be the worst thing ever seen on cable television -- and that includes "The Real Gilligan's Island."

 

With profound apologies to readers who know nothing of this angle, I must offer a little history: Triple-H and Kane had been feuding for a few weeks before someone in the back realized they weren't feuding about anything. So one day, Triple-H confronted Kane and said that he knew something about his past: apparently, when Kane was a teenager, he was driving home from a party and got into a car accident, which caused the death of his girlfriend, Katie Vick.

 

"Hey, wait a second ... " the astute fan may say, "I've been following the career of Kane for years. And hadn't they established that, as a child, Kane was trapped in a fire, which destroyed his vocal chords and left him so horribly disfigured that he had to wear a mask for most of his life? And now we find out he was hanging out with girls and going to parties? Isn't re-writing history like that sort of appalling?"

 

It is indeed, but more in its appalling lack of consideration for little things such as character development and continuity. The real effrontery to human decency would come weeks later, in a pre-taped "skit." The camera opened on a funeral parlor. Triple-H was there, wearing a red Kane mask and standing over an open coffin; inside the coffin, a female mannequin, representing Kane's dead girlfriend. After delivering an interminably rambling and unfunny monologue, Triple-H climbed into the coffin ... and proceeded to have simulated sex with the aforementioned mannequin.

 

Now, World Wrestling Entertainment is a pretty big company. I don't know how big precisely, but you've got to figure it employs a lot of people. And not one of these people found the "Katie in the casket" thing just a little tasteless? Not one said, "You know, we've crossed some lines before. We've been racist, sexist, ageist, and homophobic. We've done the 'sex slave' angle, the 'sympathetic pimp' angle, even the 'embalming someone alive' angle. We've shown people eating other people's boogers, and we've watched Vince McMahon pull down his pants on live TV so his employees could literally kiss his BUTT. But mock necrophilia ... I just don't think this is the way to go. Anyone else?"

 

Final word on this:

 

For years, Vince McMahon has drilled it into our heads that he's not in the rasslin' business at all; he's in the entertainment business. In the '80s, he coined the term "sports-entertainment" to describe his product. And just a few years ago, he re-named his company "World Wrestling Entertainment." And thus I say to Vince: if you're going to go through all that trouble, then you better make sure you work some of that "entertainment" stuff into your programming.

 

Me, I can't believe that a true desire to "entertain" motivated any of these appalling angles. Instead, it seems clear that these angles came out of WWE's giddy hankering to "push the envelope" -- not for anything as noble as "entertainment," but just to see what they could get away with. An exchange between wrestler Shawn Michaels and his on-screen "boss" Eric Bischoff best sums up my position: Michaels came out on TV and lambasted Triple-H for his "Katie Vick" shtick, prompting Bischoff to ask, "Oh, does a little necrophilia offend you as a Christian, Shawn?" To wit, Michaels replied, "No, it offends me as a wrestling fan."

 

Now, that's entertaining!

 

Mark Dursin wrote the "Birdman" column on the old "Boston Sports Guy" website. Much like Hulk Hogan, he still comes out of retirement from time to time to write about pro wrestling for Sports Guy's World.

[Black Lushus 0]

well, ESPN can't run a sports channel properly anymore so they attack someone else?

[bobobrazil1984 0]

^ what exactly is wrong with the article? Are you gonna argue that angles like Mark Henry the sex addict, Katie Vick, Iraqi Sympathiser aren't complete and utter crap? Which is what he's saying.

[bob_barron 0]

That doesn't take away the fact that the guy made valid points and knows his stuff

[Black Lushus 0]

^ what exactly is wrong with the article? Are you gonna argue that angles like Mark Henry the sex addict, Katie Vick, Iraqi Sympathiser aren't complete and utter crap? Which is what he's saying.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I'm not argueing what he's saying, I'm just questioning the validity of an enitity that can't even get it's OWN shit right...

[Crimson Platypus 0]

WWE had enough with this "conscientious programmer" malarkey by 2004, the year that saw the debut of Muhammad Hassan. More caricature than character, Hassan is an Arab-American who wears a headdress, praises Allah, and basically does all those mean, "anti-American" things that don't exactly result in a public relations bonanza for WWE. Just two weeks ago, WWE Smackdown ran a pre-taped episode featuring a terrorist-like attack by "Arab" wrestling villains (wearing masks and camouflage pants) on Undertaker (the "American" victim) -- with Hassan on his knees, praying, as if this wasn't hideous enough -- with the show running on the same night as the London bombings. Sure, they ran a disclaimer on the bottom, but the damage was done. It was a new low for American wrestling.

 

 

This is getting tiresome.

[bobobrazil1984 0]

to be somewhat fair to the WWE, Bossman's poem about Big Show's dad was pretty funny. I'd forgotten all about that angle till this article.

[Boon 0]

Since when does ESPN give a shit about professional wrestling?

[Boon 0]

to be somewhat fair to the WWE, Bossman's poem about Big Show's dad was pretty funny. I'd forgotten all about that angle till this article.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

"It is with deepest regret, and tears that are soaked.

I'm sorry to hear that your Dad finally croaked.

But if I had a son, that was as stupid as you,

I'd wish for cancer, so that I could die too."

 

HAHA.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

I'm sorry, the Boss Man/Big Show angle may have been stupid, but I found most of it hillarious...remember Big Show jumping on his "dad's" coffin and riding it while Boss Man was towing it??? BWAHAHAHA!

[Hogan Made Wrestling 0]

The Bossman was the king of "so bad it's good" comedy in 1999. I'm not sure which I enjoyed more: the whole Bossman-Big Show feud, or Bossman feeding Pepper to Al Snow.

[Crimson Platypus 0]

The Bossman was the king of "so bad it's good" comedy in 1999. I'm not sure which I enjoyed more: the whole Bossman-Big Show feud, or Bossman feeding Pepper to Al Snow.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Al Snow eating Pepper reminded me of Scott Tenorman (probably misspeelled Tenorman) or vice-versa if that came first actually, I'm not sure.

[cabbageboy 0]

I don't think the McMahon fighting stuff really should be on here. Did it get tiresome after a point? Of course. But it also drew money and ratings at the time. It certainly shouldn't go up with heel Slaughter or Katie Vick.

[Papacita 0]

Fuck that. I still like Al Wilson.

 

And other than it taking too much time on TV, I wouldn't call the McMahon Family stuff that appalling.

[Papacita 0]

^ that one

[Guest jumpingbombangel]

ESPN really shouldn't critique pro-wrestling. That's like the school's star quarterback picking on the scrappy kid from the retard class.

 

With that said, though, he's right. WWE is an embarrasing TV train wreck from an outsider's standpoint.

[SuperJerk 0]

well, ESPN can't run a sports channel properly anymore so they attack someone else?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You're attacking the people who wrote the article, rather than addressing a single point they made.

That's hardly a convincing argument that they're wrong.

[SuperJerk 0]

Also...

 

Hassan has consistently complained that, ever since 9/11, Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. The thing is, ever since 9/11, many Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. By booing him, we're basically validating everything he's saying -- in effect, making us the villains. And none too intelligent villains either: fans routinely chant "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" whenever Hassan enters an arena -- although the character is supposed to be from Detroit or something.

 

That's an AWESOMELY good point.

 

The first time I saw Muhhamad Hussan was during a dark match at the 9/27 Raw broadcast. My fellow wrestling fans booed the shit out of him, before he'd ever been on TV doing his "give me title shot because I'm a victim" routine, simply for praying to Allah before the match.

 

I exclaimed very loudly, although no one paid any attention to me, "Why are we booing this?!"

[Black Lushus 0]

well, ESPN can't run a sports channel properly anymore so they attack someone else?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You're attacking the people who wrote the article, rather than addressing a single point they made.

That's hardly a convincing argument that they're wrong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

did I say once that I disagree with what he said? no I did not...did I say they were wrong? no I did not...how did you gleem all of that from my statement anyway?

[iggymcfly 0]

C'mon, it was a good article on the WWE from ESPN; what more do you want?

 

Page 2 does some stuff that's not directly related to sports, and they've given WWE positive feedback before too, (see WM X-8), so all the little WWE marks that can't handle it need to get off of Vince's dick.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

Also...

 

Hassan has consistently complained that, ever since 9/11, Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. The thing is, ever since 9/11, many Americans have been prejudiced against anyone of Arab descent. By booing him, we're basically validating everything he's saying -- in effect, making us the villains. And none too intelligent villains either: fans routinely chant "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" whenever Hassan enters an arena -- although the character is supposed to be from Detroit or something.

 

That's an AWESOMELY good point.

 

The first time I saw Muhhamad Hussan was during a dark match at the 9/27 Raw broadcast. My fellow wrestling fans booed the shit out of him, before he'd ever been on TV doing his "give me title shot because I'm a victim" routine, simply for praying to Allah before the match.

 

I exclaimed very loudly, although no one paid any attention to me, "Why are we booing this?!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Because the WWE race-baited the fans. We're programmed to believe anyone who is different than a typical American is a heel. He also said that life was normal for him before 9-11 but after 9-11, he was prejudiced. So why is he playing to the prejudices?

[SuperJerk 0]

well, ESPN can't run a sports channel properly anymore so they attack someone else?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You're attacking the people who wrote the article, rather than addressing a single point they made.

That's hardly a convincing argument that they're wrong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

did I say once that I disagree with what he said? no I did not...did I say they were wrong? no I did not...how did you gleem all of that from my statement anyway?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

So you were just critizing ESPN for attacking WWE then FOR THE FUN OF IT?

 

ESPN didn't write the article, by the way. A guy named Mark Dursin did for a column on their website. I'm not an expert on the inner workings of the ESPN, but I'm going to venture a guess and say that Mark Dursin isn't the guy who runs the network.

[Black Lushus 0]

dude, seriously...what the FUCK are you talking about?

 

I found it funny that a representative of a cable network that clearly sucks would bash another product...oh wait, i guess you're okay with all the poker, lame drama series, spelling bees galore, etc. that they pump out on a constant basis? Is that stuff trashy compared to what the WWE does? Of course not...is it stupid and worthless and make ESPN seem stupid and worthless? why yes, yes it does...i find it amusing when an ugly fat chick calls another chick ugly and fat is all I'm saying...

[Fökai 0]

That doesn't take away the fact that the guy made valid points and knows his stuff

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I read this article last night (linked to by SK's blog), so I'm trying to remember the points I brought up to my friend last night:

 

Fake Diesel/Razor was appalling? The necrophilia angle, as well? The transvestite angle was the one that 'ESPN: Outside the Lines' covered, which is the one that has a lot of merit, and gets no disputing from me, but he's really reaching for other examples to fill out an empty article.

 

This looks like an overhyped article from 411. Vince isn't in the wrestling business anymore? GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERE! If the guy wasn't turned off by these angles, why would the Hassan angle turn him off? What is this half-assed criticism on Vince for the 9/11 show? If he's going to go all the way, he could spend five minutes on the internet and find the segment with Stephanie where she compared 9/11 to the steroid trials (although it was more about how the US and Vince would "fight through it", I wouldn't expect this guy to explain the context).

 

An exchange between wrestler Shawn Michaels and his on-screen "boss" Eric Bischoff best sums up my position: Michaels came out on TV and lambasted Triple-H for his "Katie Vick" shtick, prompting Bischoff to ask, "Oh, does a little necrophilia offend you as a Christian, Shawn?" To wit, Michaels replied, "No, it offends me as a wrestling fan."

 

When this did happen?

[Guest jumpingbombangel]

dude, seriously...what the FUCK are you talking about?

 

I found it funny that a representative of a cable network that clearly sucks would bash another product...oh wait, i guess you're okay with all the poker, lame drama series, spelling bees galore, etc. that they pump out on a constant basis?  Is that stuff trashy compared to what the WWE does?  Of course not...is it stupid and worthless and make ESPN seem stupid and worthless?  why yes, yes it does...i find it amusing when an ugly fat chick calls another chick ugly and fat is all I'm saying...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Yeah. Too bad ESPN is completely wealthier, more credible, and infinitely watchable than the WWE despite the shitty daily programming. More spades need to be called spades (despite which spade is doing the calling).

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

The World Series of Poker has better announcing, better characters, and better action than the WWE. Then again, that's not hard. Then again... it's card playing.

[Black Lushus 0]

in other words:

 

ESPN: man you guys really suck!

 

WWE: oh yeah, you guys suck too!

 

ESPN: yeah but I mean you guys REALLY suck more than we do!

 

WWE: pwned!

[bob_barron 0]

An exchange between wrestler Shawn Michaels and his on-screen "boss" Eric Bischoff best sums up my position: Michaels came out on TV and lambasted Triple-H for his "Katie Vick" shtick, prompting Bischoff to ask, "Oh, does a little necrophilia offend you as a Christian, Shawn?" To wit, Michaels replied, "No, it offends me as a wrestling fan."

 

When this did happen?

 

Late 2002, when HBK was the champ.

 

The necrophilia angle, as well?

 

Yes. That angle was appalling on so many levels, especially WWE's sad and pathetic attempts to generate controversy with it

[bob_barron 0]

dude, seriously...what the FUCK are you talking about?

 

I found it funny that a representative of a cable network that clearly sucks would bash another product...oh wait, i guess you're okay with all the poker, lame drama series, spelling bees galore, etc. that they pump out on a constant basis?  Is that stuff trashy compared to what the WWE does?  Of course not...is it stupid and worthless and make ESPN seem stupid and worthless?  why yes, yes it does...i find it amusing when an ugly fat chick calls another chick ugly and fat is all I'm saying...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

He has NOTHING to do with ESPN's television content. Nothing he says reflects the way ESPN thinks.

 

The quality of TV that ESPN puts out has nothing to do with the relevance of his article.

[Black Lushus 0]

yes, I understand that bob, i understood before I first posted...*sigh* forget it...